LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN? (Part 2)

We already discussed meekness.

Developing meekness assists us so “we are not angered” by others.

Developing a quiet spirit assists us so “we don’t anger” others.

1Pet.3:4 “…The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Listen to Proverbs.

Prov.16:23 “The heart of the wise instructs his mouth.”

This is saying learn to LISTEN!

When you listen to your spouse, you understand them better because you are learning about them.

What happens when you listen?

YOU: Learn, understand and act rather than react.
SPOUSE: Feels understood, opens up more and gets healed.

We need to STOP, and LISTEN so that we can hear and understand our partners concerns.

Prov.10:31-32 “The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom…The lips of the righteous brings forth what is acceptable.

Prov.15:23 NLT “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.”

As a wife, you can tell when you have said the right thing and have spoken into your husbands life.

Prov.25:15 “Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem.”

James 1:19 “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”

The word “hear” in the Greek, means to UNDERSTAND.

Prov.18:15 “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, the ears of the wise seek it out.”

Listening is part of the burden process. Gal.6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

You cannot bear one another’s burdens till you know what they are.

By listening you will learn.

Here are the listening steps:

1. Your spouse tells you their concerns and what is happening in their life.
2. You listen
3. Your spouse feels understood and shares even more.
4. You understand your spouse better, and fervently pray for them.
5. They gain insight and get healed, which empowers them.

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

I know you think your husband is the “Iron man” but empathize with him.

He will LOVE YOU for it!!! You forgot already? You’re his GIRLFRIEND!

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows blog. It is Saturday Q & A .

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN??  (Part 1)

I remember those words growing up with five brothers.  My mother always suffered with headaches but if I had five sons I probably would have headaches too.  Lol!!  She slept in the living room, so as we would be making our breakfast, the famous words were, “Can’t you keep the noise down?”  As I remember it, telling that to five boys made noise making even more adventurous for them to up it a couple of octaves.

At the academy awards this year, the “Kings Speech” won best picture.  We were so excited since we were missionaries in England for five years and have an abundance of  love for that country.

Today I would like to talk about a “Wives Speech.”  I found that 1Peter is the perfect verse to use.

1Peter 3:3,4 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of GREAT PRICE.”

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  These verses say it all!

 The word “meek” in Greek is pronounced prah-ooce’ which means MILD.

The word “quiet” in Greek means to KEEP STILL in one’s seat, UNDISTURBED and PEACEABLE.

These verses are saying that God loves to see the meek and quiet spirit at work in our lives.

The “outward adorning” is the Greek word Kosmos which the word cosmetics comes from.

Here are some ways to acquire the attitude of MEEKNESS.

1.  Ask God to remove any roots of stubbornness or aggression in you.

2.  Ask God to give you situations in which you can practice meekness.

LISTEN TO THIS TRUE STORY:

In Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems”, he talks about when he was in a church in the city of Kiev in the Ukraine.  They were at this large table having borsch, which is a soup.  There was an elderly lady there serving the borsch.  She was about seventy-five years old and had very deep wrinkles.  He could tell that she had a very hard life.  He asked the pastor who she was.  The pastor said with a sparkle in his eyes and a glowing face, that she was his wife.  He began to tell Rick how this woman waited 15 years for him while he was doing a prison sentence.  (In Russia, they put you in jail for the slightest thing.)  He also stated that during that time, she was responsible for rearing and providing for their 15 children.

As I was thinking about sharing this story with you, I thought about this woman.  I don’t know if she is still alive.  I don’t know her children have to be.  Can you imagine them reading this blog right now and saying to themselves that their mother would have never thought her story would be going around the world.

She just did what she could, with what she had.

That pastors love goes beyond her looks.  She let it be “the hidden man of the heart, in which is not corruptible.”

The next time you are adorning yourself with perfume, makeup, and attractive clothing, stop and check your spirit.

Are you meek?  Or are you acting rude, selfish and prideful towards your husband?

Does your husband have that sparkle in his eyes and a glow on his face?

You can put it there today!!  Go on girl, you are his GIRLFRIEND!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  We will continue with part 2.

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS! (Part 2)

The American Academy of Pediatrics estimated in the year 2000 that one in five children in the United States had psychosocial problems related to stress.

We are at epidemic levels of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, sexual dysfunction, sleep disorders, osteoporosis, alcoholism, road rage and other forms of violent behavior, PMS, and headaches.

At the root of most of these diseases and ailments we find excessive stress!

4. Practice Godly Behavior

Phil.4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me…put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”In the Greek, the word “practice” means to PERFORM REPEATEDLY or habitually.

This is EXCELLENT!! When anxiety hits you, that is the time to put everything you have been taught to practice.

What are you to put to practice?

1. Learned – Christian things you have practiced.

2. Received – Christian things that have blessed you.

3.  Heard – Christian things you have perceived through hearing.

4.  Seen – Christian miracles you have experienced

Your Christian walk and marriage is not to be dead, dry and formal.

It is to be ALIVE and VIBRANT.

5. Put others needs first

Phil.4:10 “…you have renewed your concern for me…you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.”Anxiety often occurs because of selfish concerns. You cannot bless others without getting blessed yourself.

When you put others first, especially your husband, it is a generous  gift  which is evidence of your love for him.

When a need is met in your life, you are overjoyed.  It is the same with others.

Today, find something he NEEDS and surprise him by meeting that need.

6. Work on Contentment

Phil.4:11 “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

In today’s world, people are not content whether they have a lot or if they have little.

People who are discontented usually don’t know the difference between needs and wants.

We become like a hamster running around on  wheel.

Many wives put a lot of pressure on their husbands to make them content.  True contentment is to glorify God and be with him through eternity.

When difficult times came, Apostle Paul was content because he had learned to live with very little.

Paul allowed bad circumstances to not control his contentment.

How do you treat your husband when he doesn’t meet your needs?   Do you let it pass?

Contentment and godliness is GREAT GAIN.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  It will be the last of anxiety,

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!… I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.

– Author Unknown

Question #1.   What are some ways to encourage your husband?

Answer #1  I am not sure if you mean spiritually or as a husband.  The best thing that you can do is to pray for him.  On Sunday Feb.20th, we have an article that is on 31 days of how to pray for your husband.  It’s great cause it has a prayer for each day of the month.  I will give you five other verses of what the bible says we can do.

Gentle and quiet spirit:  It’s best not to say anything and just be quiet.  1Pet.3:1-5

Trust:  Trust God that he will do the work in your spouse.  Prov.31:11

Goodness:  Be good to him and show him love.  Prov.31:12

Praise:  Don’t embarrass him and brag about him.  Prov.31:23

Kindness and wisdom:  Be kind and use wisdom  Prov.31:26

Question #2.  How do you stay in love with your husband, even when times are hard?

Answer #2  This is a question that most women ask.  First you need to read the love chapter which is 1Cor.13.  Read it till you have it in your heart.

Remember that as you draw closer to God and the more you fall in love with him, it will cause you to fall in love with your spouse even more.  This is what you need to concentrate on. 

Put the Holy Spirit in the middle of your heart and your marriage.  This will cause you not to hurt the Holy Spirit and make you want to act in a loving way.  I try to act in a way that is pleasing to God, not in a manner to get my way. 

ASSIGNMENT:  I tell the wives in my marriage class to think of one thing their husbands do that really makes them mad.  Just one thing.  Wives usually tell me they have one hundred things.  Don’t tell anyone what it is that gets you the madest.  Don’t even tell your husband.  Take that thing and give it to God.  Every time he does it, give it to God.  It won’t be easy but do it.  Just keep your mouth closed, smile and trust God.

You will be shocked how God will intervene on your behalf.  It may take a while but make a committment to trust God and be patient.

Usually the things our husbands do over and over again are what causes a wife to get drained from her love. Be consistent and wait for your miracle.

The things that would upset me for days, have zero effect on me now. 

It feels so good to know that there is really nothing that can get me mad anymore. 

I can be in complete control but it’s my choice to obey my emotions or allow the Holy Spirit to get the glory.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  This is one of the best marriage articles I have read.

AND DON’T COME BACK NO MORE!   Okay.  I got it out of my system.

Who am I talking to??????   Not my Husband!!   The devil.

Malachi 2:11b “For Judah has profaned the Lord’s holy institution which He loves…”

This is a fabulous scripture that gives us loads of insight.  God loves your marriage.

He is saying that your marriage is His.  It belongs to Him.  It is his holy institution!

The word “holiness” in Hebrew is qodesh. This means that it is a consecrated, dedicated, sacred place.

Anything that is “holy” is set apart.

In God’s word we see that anything that is holy, is under attack.

That is why wives must be watchmen.  We SUPER CHARGE our man!

Case & Point:  Every time we get a new car, my husband treats it like a “sacred cow”.  Lol!! (I’m exaggerating)  We haven’t got a brand new car in decades.  They are always 1 to 2 years old.  He is gifted in buying cars.  They are always in perfect condition with low miles.  They are always priced one to two years cheaper.  Nevertheless he treats it like it just got off the assembly line.  You are afraid to burp in his  car.  Unfortunately I always initiate the car by banging the car next to us with the door while getting out.  I don’t even want to look his way after doing that .  I know it just isn’t the time for me to be searching for an endearing look from him.

How much more does God care for us and each member of our family that make up this “holy institution”.

God watches it with intense love and desires to help us through each issue if we only ask Him.

Proverbs 19:14 :Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Here we see two blessings for a man:  An inheritance of riches and a prudent wife.

In Hebrew, the word “Prudent” is sakal.  It means to be intelligent, skillful and full of wisdom.

If you walk  in the spirit, as God intended you to, you will have a lot to bring into your marriage.

The devil lies to wives and tells them that all they are good for is not much.

He tells us that we are used and totally unappreciated.  No one listens to us.  Yes, and he always tells us that the grass is greener on the other side.  If you want green grass just start watering your side!

Your husband needs your INTELLIGENCE, SKILL  and WISDOM to make him complete.

The INTELLIGENCE of maintaining a household, finances and an array of various related duties.

The SKILL of meeting the needs of a husband and children, like child-bearing and breast-feeding.  Also, handling a full-time job or church ministry.

The WISDOM to utilize your knowledge and experience.

You, your spouse and your children are a holy institute.  God is committed to making your family a complete success.

The devil is committed to “..KILL, STEAL and DESTROY…” your marriage.

God has made you “…MORE THAN A CONQUEROR…”

Are you committed to making your spouse a success?

Tell the devil to HIT THE ROAD!!

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Q&A – Question and Answer Saturday

Welcome aboard!  Every Saturday will be reserved for answering marriage questions.  Before I start, I want to thank you so much for being a part of  MARRIAGE MATTERS.  I would like to give you a peek into my heart and thoughts.

Divorce is traumatizing to a child and they are impacted for the rest of their life.  Gods design is for a child to be raised by adoring parents.  God can fill the void in a child’s life, but they are still left with scars.

What I hope to accomplish, with God leading the way, is to give spouses insight to the devils devices. More importantly is for us to partner with the Holy Spirit and receive help from on high. Also, to keep children from suffering the struggles of a violent divorce.

Inspire others to subscribe to this blog at no charge and God will bless you hundredfold because there is no limit to how far Gods word can reach.  HELPING MARRIAGES TO LAST A LIFETIME!!

Question and answers

Question #1  How do you build a relationship when you are states away?

     Answer #1:  I am assuming that you are married.  If you are not married, I would not advise it.  It’s hard to really get to know the person.  Everyone is palatable in small doses.  It’s during the long haul that issues start to appear.  If you are married, there are a lot of things you can and cannot do.  Today through social networking, you can keep communication going like never before.  Be on guard of the conversation.  Wives have a tendency to complain.  Before you talk to him, have an agenda of what you will discuss.  Make sure it is things he will enjoy.  Tell him the cute things his children are doing, not about the crummy co-worker you cannot stand.  Tell him about something interesting on the news, not about what broke in the house and how he needs to make several repairs as soon as he gets back.  Tell him a crazy joke you heard today.  Make him laugh!  Make him feel like he can’t wait till he talks to you again.  Give your list of complaints and your “honey do list” to your pet dog. 

Question #2  What are the downsides in marrying someone younger than you? 

     Answer #2  There aren’t any if you love God and partner with the Holy Spirit to have a Godly marriage and raise godly children.  That should keep any couple busy for a lifetime.  We have found through the years that if the husband is younger by 5 years of more, many times the wife has to deal with jealousy.  It isn’t the husbands problem, it’s the wifes.  She is the one who battles with her own thoughts.  The husband is usually completely pleased with her except for the insane jealousy.  When the husband is older by 10 years or more, the wife once again, has a tendency to struggle with it.  She expects a lot from him and seems to think his age is the reason for his actions.  Usually it is her who is not accepting him for who he is.  She becomes demanding and becomes frustrated.  This is what we have observed through the years of pastoring.  Since woman are supposed to out live men by approximately 10 years, they say it is fine for a woman to marry a man ten years younger than her.  My husband and I are 6 months apart. I recommend that since we are getting ready to celebrate our 42nd anniversary.  lol!!  

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow!!!    You will receive a tool a spouse cannot do without!!