SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

24 Jun

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  The only emotion my husband shows is anger, when we talk or I try to communicate.  Therefore, my first reaction is to also get mad.  What can I do to diffuse the matter and communicate effectively?

Answer #1.  You are not to blame yourself for your husband’s anger.  There could be an array of reasons for it.  When someone commits their life to Jesus, He gently walks you through recovery.  Someone without Jesus in their life, turns to anything that will temporarily relieve the pain.  Evidently, God has given him a great wife, who is willing to let God take care of the process or you would not have asked the question.  The following is an article by Steve Arterbum called “10 Ways You Can Overcome Anger.”  Hopefully you will be able to glean some nuggets from this to help you with your situation.  Remember that God gives you “Double for your Trouble.”   He will strengthen you and bless you for partnering with the Holy Spirit to be the “helpmeet” God desires you to be.

10 WAYS YOU CAN OVERCOME ANGER

1.  One of the key steps to overcoming anger is to identify the object of your anger.  Many people who struggle with chronic anger aren’t even sure what they’re angry about.  When you identify what you’re angry about you can begin the process of dealing with it.

2.  One of the goals of an angry person can be to draw attention to themselves.  They often feel that negative attention is better than no attention at all.  If you don’t feel loved or needed, this may be a root cause of your anger.

3.  Accept the fact that most things in the world are out of your control.  If you try to continually control your family, friends or circumstances you will ultimately destroy you.

4.  The root of your anger may lie in a lack of forgiveness.  If you’ve never forgiven someone who’s hurt you, you’re caught in a vicious trap that will ultimately destroy you.

5.  Many who struggle with anger hate themselves.  Self-hatred can be used as a tool to control your emotions.  You may need to learn new skills to control your emotions in a positive way.

6.  You may be angry about things your family or friends have done to you in the past, even decades ago.  This is called residual anger.  It is possible to resolve this anger and move on with your life, but you must be willing to spend time identifying the root of your problem and choosing to forgive those who have hurt you.

7.  There are some legitimate physical causes for anger.  If you suspect your problem may be related to a chemical imbalance in your body,  be evaluated by a qualified psychiatrist.

8.  In truth, no one can “make you angry,” even though they can provoke you.  You can control your response to people and circumstances.

9.  There is a place for “righteous anger,” when one of God’s principles is violated.  Scripture does admonish us to “not let the sun go down on our anger” though.  In other words, when you feel angry, it is important to deal with it and move past it as soon as possible.

10.  If you or a family member is struggling with anger issues, they’re not likely to go away by themselves.  It is necessary to identify the cause of the anger and take proactive steps to resolve it.

WIVES, WALK THE TALK

23 Jun

WIVES, WALK THE TALK

A wife’s actions speak way louder than her words.

1Pet.3:1-2 “”…Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husband; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.”

In Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems from the Greek”, he encourages wives to “not be preachy”.

We will be using some of his findings in this post today.

He gave an example of a new bride that was trying to encourage her husband to be the spiritual leader in the home but her approach was having just the opposite effect that she desired.

Instead of causing her husband to feel closer to her, she was pushing him far away by constantly preaching at him and putting high spiritual expectations on him.

This NEW bride started her marriage with a husband that looked down cast and was very depressed.

CASE AND POINT:  Several years ago I had a friend that I had met professionally who did not come to my church. On occasion she would call me to talk.  She only knew her husband a few months and got married unexpectedly.  After a couples of months, I heard they were already talking divorce.  She asked me to meet with her and I already knew that she needed some biblical encouragement.    When I asked her how the marriage was going, her response was that she is finally training him to submit.  She said how every morning, she arranges candles and they both have to pray and read the word together.  At first, he literally fought her “tooth and nails” on that issue and many others as well.  After he couldn’t take the scratches anymore, he decided to let her have her way.  Needless to say, he is one miserable husband.   I told her to let me know when she decides to have a biblical marriage where she is submitting to him.  My comment did not go well but neither has their marriage.

If you want to preach at your husband, remember that it is going to be a big turn-off.

Men resent having a corrector and a boss for a wife when they expected her to be his GREATEST supporter.

Remember, he married you to be his cheerleader, his companion, his friendly friend.

What happened????

Do you demonstrate unconditional love or do you just TELL him you love him?

Are you a NAG?

To an unsaved husband, your preaching at him sounds like nagging and complaining.

That is why Apostle Paul told the wives with unsaved husbands and saved husbands to “knock it off.”  So, “knock it off.”   CHILL!!!

Paul then told them that their method of evangelism had to be one of living a Godly life.

Many Christian wives PRESSURE their husbands to change by pestering, nagging, pleading and begging.

You can try every method, but if God doesn’t touch his heart, all the complaining is a lost cause.

The Holy Spirit draws and calls hearts to Himself so you can either help or hinder that PROCESS.

As you grow in your relationship with God, you will understand how to love your husband the way God loves you.

In the phrase “…coupled with fear…” the word “fear” refers to respect.  Peter is commanding wives to do everything they can do to show respect.

As you learn to keep silent , your husband will learn to listen to the Holy Spirit.

Walk the talk.

Peter is telling you how to WIN the game of positively influencing your husband without even opening your mouth.

You can do it!!   You go girl!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

TURN THE LIGHTBULB ON

22 Jun

TURN THE LIGHTBULB ON

Most of the comments made in this post were taken from the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.  The author has taken many surveys in order to come up with the statistics that are included in her books.  This survey was done by four hundred anonymous men across the country, ranging in age from twenty-one to seventy-five.  They answered two dozen questions about their lives and about how they think, what they feel, and what they need.  Feldhahn then conducted a more informal follow-up survey of another four hundred churchgoers.  Across all these there were very few differences in the answers by secular men and Christian men.

The author has listed seven revelations that are the results of her surveys which she felt were important but there are other areas.

As we go through these areas, keep in mind that every area of a man’s life, AFFECTS the other areas.

The inner life of a man is a package, with these elements melded and wrapped up inside.

These revelations are also backed up by EVIDENCE—a groundbreaking professional survey .

  1. Men need respect

Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected.

2.  Men are insecure

Despite their “in control” exterior, men often feel like impostors and are insecure that their inadequacies will be discovered.

3.  Men are providers

Even if you personally made enough income to support the family’s lifestyle, it would make no difference to the mental burden he feels to provide.

4.  Men want more sex

Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense

of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.

5.  Men are visual

Even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women.

6.  Men are unromantic clods

Actually, most men enjoy romance (sometimes in different ways) and want to be romantic—but hesitate because they doubt they can succeed.

7.  Men care about appearance

You don’t need to be a size 3, but your man does need to see you making the effort to take care of yourself—and he will take on significant cost or inconvenience in order to support you.

Feldhahn’s ground rules

First, Don’t male-bash, because these men shared their heart with her.

Second, this is focusing entirely in how we relate to men, not the other way around.

Third,  keep in mind that there are always exceptions to the rule.

Fourth, this is addressing what is normal inside men.

Fifth, some of the enclosed insight may be distressing because it affects our view of the men in our lives and our view of ourselves.  These are things that men often weren’t willing or able to say directly to their spouses or girlfriends.

Because your husband is wired as a man, this is why you love him.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

YIELD Right of Way

21 Jun

YIELD Right of Way

When my husband and I were missionaries in England in the 80’s, we saw that the road rules were different than in the USA.  Over there they have round-abouts, which you don’t see here much.  Instead of a stop sign at most intersections,there is a round road in the middle.  As you approach, you look to see if any cars are on the round-about that are close to your car.  If not, you have the right of way to get on to the round about and get off on the street of your choice.

What is cool, is that you don’t have to stop.  You just time the cars on the round about, and get on where there is an opening of no cars.  Here in the U.S. almost all the cars stop at a round about when they don’t have to.  I never stop; instead I step on the gas and go.  That is the beauty of a round-about.

Traffic rules are set up for our benefit and protection.

We will continue with what the bible says wives do to blaspheme God’s word.

Titus 2:4-5 “That they may teach the young women to be… obedient to their own husbands…”

In the New Testament, at least SIX times there is a mention of the responsibility of the wife to her husband.

God is trying to keep order in the “marriage unit.”

I did a blog on submission which taught the wife that submission is a MISSION.

Submission is being on a mission for God to honor your marriage with the utmost reverence.

“You wives willingly obey your husbands in everything, just as the church obeys Christ.”

Can I be obedient to my spouse only when I feel like it?  No, in everything!

Can I be obedient to my spouse only when I agree with him?  No, in everything!

Can I be obedient to my spouse only when he treats me with Christ-like love?  No, in everything!

There is no excuse for disobeying God’s word and you must answer to God for your own actions.

Why does he want you to be obedient in this area?  IT GLORIFIES GOD!!

It gives God a chance to show you off and He gets the glory.

Parents LOVE to show their kids off and God also loves it when His children do well.

Because we know that parents love to show off their children to family and friends, we try to do all sorts of children events at church so parents can.

At WORK your husband must have to face an array of frustrations and setbacks.

He probably gets criticized, lied to and many other problems that he doesn’t share with you as not to upset you.

God made the man to LEAD and he resents any tactics of trying to dominate or to manipulate to him.

If your husband is treated at home the same way he is treated at work, he may try to find another form of enjoyment outside of the home.

Girls, listen to me!!  YOU DON’T WANT THAT!!

Just like the YIELD right of way sign is to protect you, so is your obedience to husband and God is a great protection.

Even women with unsaved husbands are told to be obedient to them so they will come to Christ by the behavior of the wife.

How much more are us women who have saved husbands, are to RESPOND to this command.

You go girl!!  The Holy Spirit wants to guide you through this.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

SIMPLE GIFTS

20 Jun

SIMPLE GIFTS

 I saw something the other day on TV that was very touching.  It showed these young Jewish teenagers living in a concentration camp in Germany in the 1940’s.  The Jewish man telling the story said he hadn’t felt hot water or washed his hands in five years.  Life was miserable for them in hard labor.  One day when the war ended and they were walking down a road they saw American tanks driving through one of their roads.  The soldiers stopped to take care of some things, when these young Jewish teens walked up to them to help them.  The soldiers saw how these guys were just a bag of bones and one of them handed one teen a can of rations.  The Jewish teenage knealt down and kissed the soldiers boots.  I couldn’t handle it because the one telling the story, was the teen himself who is now about 80 years old.   He said the soldier turned around and asked his comrades to give him more rations for the Jewish teens.

These soldiers had nothing else to give, but nothing else was needed.  Just a simple gift of rations was needed.   These kids had nothing but water and bread to eat for years only if the Germans felt like feeding them that day.  The man said that the encouragement the soldier gave him that day, changed his life.  He gave the boy hope.  He now lives here in New York and devotes his life to encouraging teens which have a hard life.

We will continue on in Titus with what not to do as a wife to blaspheme God’s word.

Titus 2:3-5 “…teach the younger women…to be good…”

This word “good” in the Greek is AGATHOS’ which means a GOOD BENEFIT.

This implies to be a person who lives for the benefit of others and loves to do good deeds.

As Jesus was doing His day to day ministry healing and feeding people, He ran into many COMPLICATIONS.

Jesus was rejected by His own people, and His family thought he was insane.

The Pharisees did every thing they could to INTIMIDATE Him.

Needy people pursued him night and day for His attention.

Matt.10:42 “And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no way loose his reward.”

Jesus is trying to teach us to be rich in good works and to be ready to benefit someone else’s life.

Let’s look at some verses that were being spoken to people who are RICH.

1Tim.6:17-18  “Charge them that are rich in this world, that they…not trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate.”

I will be taking comments from Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems from the Greek”.

In Timothy, these are good deeds that leave people in a better condition than they were in when you found them.

The rich are instructed to work hard at GIVING to the right people.

Those who possess a lot of material resources should be elated, thrilled and euphoric about every opportunity they have to give.

When you put all the Greek words together, this is what Paul was URGING the rich to do.

“Work diligently at richly performing good deeds with the resources God has given you.  Put your whole heart into using those resources to leave people in a better shape than they were before you acted on their behalf.  You should be elated, thrilled, and euphoric about every opportunity you have to give.  You should be excited about every chance that presents itself for you to be generous.”

This is not only for people who have money, this is for all of us.

This is not a third world country and that means that we can all CONTRIBUTE to inviting someone over for dinner or taking someone IN NEED for a lunch.

Ask God for opportunities to do “random acts of kindness.”

Especially do it if it is for your spouse.

NOTE:  Don’t forget tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

HOMEMADE COOKIES

19 Jun

HOMEMADE COOKIES

Everyone loves anything that is homemade for an array of reasons.  They know that the ingredients are fresh with no preservatives in them.  These homemade goods were cooked or baked with love.

Let’s look at Titus in Gods word.

Titus 2:3-5  “…the aged women…should teach the young women… to be keepers at home…”

 This is an admonition not to neglect your domestic duties.

 This does not mean that a woman should be IMPRISONED in her own home and not work or be involved in anything outside of the home.

Caring for the home is what is implied in this verse.

The bible clearly states that a women’s highest calling, is to be a “keeper at home.’

1Tim.5:14 “I will therefore that the younger women marry…guide the house…”

The meaning for “guide the house” in the Greek, refers to RULE A FAMILY.  This doesn’t mean your husband is under you.  It is an expression given to a watchdog or a rooster.  This is talking to the person who watches over the family making sure that all members are taken care of and everything is in good order.

The apostle Paul is teaching the husband what the role of his wife is suppose to be.  Her purpose in life, is to guide that house.

This FREES up the husband to do other things to provide and protect his family.

This is no menial chore since the wife has to be a master planner, a budgeter, learn culinary skills, and excel in interior decorating.

Are you organized and disciplined when it comes to YOUR home?

God is glorified in a well kept house that is a blessing to others.

Is your home a place where people FEEL welcomed, comfortable and at peace?

When you are a “keeper at home”, you fulfill a high calling and fulfill a blessed role.

A wife’s role is so vital and demanding that she must devote herself to this role entirely.

You cannot decide you will be a “keeper at home” this week, then not come back to it for a month.

You need to stay on top of it everyday.

CASE AND POINT:  I was watching the Food Network Channel and heard the producer say something very important.  As the chef’s were competing against each other to have their own show, she told them there were three things needed in their presentations: warmth, information, and magic.

That really excited me when I heard it because my thought was that as a “keeper at home” , we need those three ingredients to be successful.

WARMTH – Show tenderness to your family members so that they know you are always approachable.  We are not to be the drill sergeant but a loving mother.  Remember that our home is our place of refuge.  It is not a place to be yelled and criticized.

INFORMATION – We get our information from the word of God.  We are to teach and inform the family members how they need to love and respect each other.  This is where you control what is watched on TV, listened to on the radio and done or said in the house. If one of your children accuses you of favoring another child, you can tell them you are defending godly principles in your home.  Whoever breaks those godly rules will suffer the repercussion no matter who it is.

MAGIC – We believe in miracles and the power of the Holy Spirit.  As the “keeper at home”, it is your job to keep the presence of the Holy Spirit in your home.  You might be upset because no one is serving God the way you want them to but you need to daily seek God for guidance and believe in His miracle working power.

Managing your home is your constant occupation.

A woman who neglects her responsibilities, her house will come to ruin.  Prov.14:1 “…the foolish woman plucketh it (house) down with her hands.”

Do you give your home the priority it deserves?

Do you TREASURE your role as an indispensable wife and mother?

Is your home well ordered?

Allow the Holy Spirit to help you.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

YOU MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON

18 Jun

YOU MARRIED THE RIGHT PERSON

Everyone must adjust to qualities in a spouse that went unnoticed or got ignored during the dreamy days of dating.  How many individuals have encountered a painful frustration in marriage and asked themselves, Why did I do this?  Did I marry the wrong person?

When these questions arise, you need to confront them immediately.  If you don’t resolve these doubts promptly, they will hang around indefinitely, like a dark and distant cloud on the horizon of your relationship.

If you find yourself struggling with this question, go back to the admonition in Genesis 2:24-25, where spouses are commanded to leave, cleave, become one flesh, and be completely transparent with each other.  If such doubts bother you, face them by getting away alone for a weekend to seek out the Lord and pray for His peace on this matter.

Let me assure you that you are married to the right person.  How do I know this?  Because God hates divorce and He wants your marriage to last!  You may have gone against some biblical admonitions in getting to where you are, but the Scripture is clear: You’re not to try to undo a mistake and, in the process, make a second one.

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis & Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.