LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

IS YOUR MARRIAGE CHALLENGING? 

Marriage can be very challenging during difficult times.

Do you ever show sudden violent emotions at your spouse?

1Cor.13:5 “…Love…is not easily provoked…”

The word “provoke”, means to poke, to prick or stick with a sharp instrument.

Do you cause your spouse to be upset?

A person who provokes, continues to do it till the recipient responses aggressively.

Do you easily fly off the handle?

In 1Cor.13:5, Paul is referring to a sinful anger that is never provoked in someone who has supernatural love.

Are you willing to endure insults from your spouse without reacting?

Prov.14:17 “A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.”

CASE AND POINT: I have never deliberately tried to make anyone mad in my life, however, I have made people mad at me at different intervals.  This happened once when we were on an outreach.  There was a table full of literature on “save the whales.”  There was a man and woman taking care of the display.  As I approached the woman, I told her that was a good cause, but that I hope she puts just as much effort into saving the “unborn child.”  She reacted in a way that totally startled me, and the gentleman whom she was working with.  She gave out a scream like a “wild banshee”, she gave a demonic look into my eyes, then leaped I don’t know how many feet into the air, over the table and aimed at my head.  I backed up just in time for her to miss me.  She hit the ground and looked disoriented.  The guy yelled at her and asked her what she was doing.  She was speechless and looked like she couldn’t believe how she behaved.  I knew that my questioning about abortion had provoked the enemy.   The people standing by her ran to get away from her.

Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit by being provoked or by provoking others.

You and I can’t do anything on our own strength.

Jesus’ life in us enables us to manifest his agape (love).

It is easy to be irritated with a spouse that is just plain annoying.

Remember that it is a sin to be provoked and it is not showing love.

Moses did not enter the promise land because he became provoked with the people of Israel (Num.20:2-11).

Don’t miss out on your promise land.

Don’t end up with a marriage full of regrets because you chose to be “easily provoked.”

Let it go and bathe yourself in Gods word and Gods love.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ASSASSINATE FEAR THROUGH FAITH IN A GREAT GOD

AS MENTIONED EARLIER in the Book of Joshua, the phrase “fear not” appears 365 times in the Bible.  Like a daily vitamin, God has provided just what we need to conquer our daily dreads.

Faith in Jesus Christ and the promises of His Word will cause fear to flee.  Instead of feeling terrorized, paralyzed, and hypnotized by our fears, faith galvanizes our character with courage.  Why not commit one or more of the following verses to memory?

*  “I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears” (Psa.34:4).

*  “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You”  (Psa.56:3).

*  “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid nor dismayed before the king of Assyria, nor before all the multitude that is with him; for there are more for us than with him.  With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the Lord our God, to help us and to fight our battles” (2Chron.32:7,8).

*  “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You” (Isa.26:3).

If you struggle with fear in your marriage and family, take those fears to a God who not only tells you not to fear, but who ask gives you reason not to fear.  He is the One Who can deliver you from your fears and replace them with peace, comfort, and courage.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  How can a husband best voice his acceptance of his wife, including in her appearance?

Answer #1.  Every man should take a page from the Song of Solomon.  Solomon knew the importance of elevating his wife’s beauty, her appearance, her dignity, her worth and her value as a woman.  He carefully chose his words to communicate how beautiful she was to him.  Every woman needs to hear such praise and affirmation.  Acceptance begins with an understanding of what your wife is feeling about herself.

Does she feel good about the way she looks? Her hair?  Her clothes and shoes?  Her weight? Her skin tone?  Her body image?  Her teeth?  Her overall attractiveness?

Chances are good that she compares herself to the airbrushed models of perfection she sees every day.  From the covers of the magazines in the checkout line to the advertisements  she watches on television, your wife is constantly made to feel inferior, unworthy, and unacceptable.

Solomon recognized his wife’s need for affirmation and didn’t hesitate to go beyond mer acceptance.  He lavished praise on her.  He said, “I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots” (Song of Solomon1:9).  Solomon used poetic language to tell his wife that she was magnificent.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FIGHTING FOR YOUR OWN RIGHTS?

Selfishness means an excessive concern for oneself that exceeds self interests.

Does that sound like you as a spouse?

Do you seek your own pleasure over your spouses?

Do you seek to get the most profit out of situations?

Do you find yourself being envious when your spouse receives more honor than you do from friends and family?

A man is called selfish, not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbors – Richard Whately

The Apostle Paul was very upset with the Corinth church because they were selfish and genuine agape love is always unselfish.

1Cor.13:5 “…Charity…does not seek it’s own.”

The church in Corinth were fighting for their own rights, suing each other and not sharing their food.

AGAPE is never selfish!!!

The word “Seek” means an attempt to learn something by careful investigation or searching.

The phrase “Seek its own way” refers to a loveless person whose actions and desires are to have their own way.

In a marriage, this kind of relationship can be very painful.

Have you ever heard the expression, “It’s my way or the highway?”

Usually a person with that kind of attitude ends up on the highway alone.

CASE AND POINT:  As I was writing this post I couldn’t help but think of my older brother.  I remember after my father abandoned our family, as children we had to fend for ourselves.  We had to find work for anything we needed or wanted.  My older brother and I are 10 months apart in age.  When he would come home from working odd jobs in the neighborhood, he almost always would hand it over to my mom for our other four younger brothers so they could have food.  My heart always went out to him because our friends had their parents to provide for them and he loved to dress nice.  It may sound funny, but he was a “show off” with nothing to show off.  That made it even more painful for me because I loved him and knew how much he loved wearing nice clothes.  As an adult to sacrifice is one thing, but to find a teenager who continually sacrificed for his siblings is very hard to find.  We love and appreciate you Augie!

Seeking your own way is the number one element that causes discord in your home and marriage.

Selfish spouses use manipulation or scheming to get their own way.

If you manipulate, this is a sin because it is untruthful and dishonest.

Agape love never operates with a “secret agenda.”

God’s agape (love) searches our heart by his Holy Spirit to expose our destructive ego.

Do you harm your spouse in order to help yourself?

This is selfishness!!

Matt.20:28 “Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

Get out of your comfort zone.

Seek to find ways to be an asset to your spouse!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DO YOU OFFEND YOUR SPOUSE?

A trademark is a distinctive characteristic or attribute.

What is your distinct characteristic or attribute?

What are your distinguishing qualities?

There are positive and negative CHARACTERISTICS in everyone.

The Corinthian church was so rude that is became their “trademark.”

The Apostle Paul was so annoyed with them that he addressed it personally to them.

1Cor.13:5 “…Charity (agape love)…doth not behave itself unseemly…”

The word “unseemly” means rude.

This TYPE of person is tackless or thoughtless.

Do you offend your spouse?

Are you courteous and show good manners toward your SPOUSE?

When it comes to your spouse’s feelings do you try to be sensitive?

Do you put yourself FIRST or do you put your spouses interests first?

Love doesn’t keep track of wrongs.

Don’t keep track of your spouse’s SINS.

Is your language to your spouse harsh and brutal?

Did you PASS God’s high-level love test?

If you asked your spouse if you acted like an irritable person would his/her response be, very rarely?

Is your trademark that you FORCE yourself on your spouse and other people?

Love doesn’t elbow it’s way into conversations.

Here is a tragic story by Steven Cole:

A rude man would never open the car door for his wife.  He said, “She doesn’t have two broken arms.”  She died and at the burial the husband was standing by the funeral car where his wife’s casket lay.  The funeral director asked the husband, “Open the door for her, will you?”  As he reached for the car door, he realized he had never opened the door for her in his life.  In her death, it will be the first, last and only time he would do that for her.  He ended up living a life of torment and regret.

I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times I have talked to wives who have so many regrets after their husbands have left home or died.

What is YOUR trademark?

Did you pass God’s love test in 1Corinthians 13.

You can CHANGE your trademark today!

Let the Holy Spirit give you a godly trademark.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

OVERBEARING PRIDE DESTROYS MARRIAGES

Have you ever been around someone who is prideful and arrogant?

I think all of us have at some time or another.

An arrogant person is someone who shows feelings of unwarranted importance out of overbearing pride.

The Apostle Paul was upset with the Corinth church who was displaying this type of ATTITUDE to one another.

1Cor.13:4 “…Charity…is not puffed up…”

To be “puffed up” is to have a big head.

When someone is acting conceited, they have an overestimation of their  own importance, ability and achievement.

A really GREAT person, never thinks of themselves as being important.

No one likes the “important person.”

1Cor.4:6 “…that no one of you be puffed up for one against another.”

1Cor.8:1 “…knowledge puffeth up, but love edifieth.”

Do you ever disregard your spouse?  To disregard means that you willfully show a lack of care and attention to your spouse.

Are you aware that this is an act of ARROGANCE?

Do you ever disrespect your spouse?

If you are doing this, you need to stop!

Lucifer was too IMPRESSED with himself and lost everything before being  thrown out of heaven.

Remember that when you live with an attitude of selfish pride, it is the opposite of humility.

Love is not selfish, arrogant, prideful or conceited.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember my husband and I were invited to go to Washington D.C.  My husband had to go to a press conference in front of the Senate building.  There was a Rabbi that also was going to speak at the press conference.  When I was introduced to the Rabbi, I put out my hand to shake his hand.  He pulled his hand back and said some words to me.  I can’t remember what he said word for word, but he was telling me that he could not touch me.  In other words, to this Jewish Rabbi, I was an “unclean thing.”  My husband told me that, that is not what he said.  I told him I know, but it is what he meant.  I felt so honored!  I can’t explain it, but for me to be in the presence of a Jewish person has always been an honor for me.  But here is a Rabbi telling me that he can’t shake my hand.  He wasn’t being rude, he was being religious.

The Rabbi continued talking to me, he just wouldn’t shake my hand.

You were not “born to be wild” with a big swelled head.

You were born to show God’s love and focus on the needs of your spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHO HAS BRAGGING RIGHTS?

Do you like to parade your accomplishments around?

In the city of Corinth, Paul was upset with them because they were bragging about their spiritual gifts yet they were not showing love to one another.

Chances are that their listeners were extremely annoyed with this ceaseless bragging.

Have you ever been around someone who loves to brag about themself

CASE AND POINT:  I am not just saying this but my husband is multi-talented.  He is one of those people who are good at just about everything. He is mechanical, technical, musical, artistic, very paternal and an array of other areas that send my head spinning.  I have been with him since 1965 and I have never heard him brag about himself.   Never!  Yet I can meet someone for the first time and they will not stop talking about how great they are.  He does what he needs to do and he doesn’t care who gets the credit or who knows he is the one who did it.

This is what Paul said in 1Cor.13:4, “…charity (agape love) vaunteth not itself…”

The Greek word for vaunteth is PERPEREUOMAI which means “a lot of self-talk.”

This type of person is so outrageous in their bragging that they tend to lie about themselves.

Paul was exhorting themselves to stop displaying their spiritual gifts so everyone will know.

Be careful because bragging can come around subtly and suddenly.

Woman have a tendency to do this about their children.

I have learned that woman only like me to brag about their children, not mine.

You brag when you heap praises on yourself, even if it is the truth.

When we lived in England, they would say a person who brags about themselves is “full of themselves.”

Boy, do I agree with that!!!

You have to be full of yourself to entertain people with words on how great you are.

Prov.25:14 “Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give.”  NIV

When you are showing agape love to someone, you do not act superior to them because it results in separation.

Who in their right mind wants to be around someone who is obsessed with themselves.

Barclay writes:  True love will always be far more impressed with it’s own unworthiness than it’s own merit.

If you are bragging to your spouse, it is a sin because it is not a demonstration of the love of God.

Doesn’t bragging put you in first place and God with everyone else somewhere down at the end of the totem pole?

Bragging builds you up but puts your spouse down.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 ENVY CAUSES DISASTER IN MARRIAGES

Almost everyone has heard the expression, “Green with Envy.”

You might think of envy as a “small sin” or something that is not a very big deal.

The bible is full of examples of the disasters that envy had on personal relationships.

The first one was with Cain and Abel that resulted in the killing of his brother.  (Gen.4:3-8)

Envy is one of the most damaging of all sins and hurts many people and marriages.

It is a “GREEN MONSTER!!”

The reason why envy is the “green monster” is that, where envy is, LOVE cannot be.

1Cor.13:4 “…love does not envy…”

Have you ever been envious?  Let me tell you now that it does not accomplish anything good.

If you are envious, there is an antidote for you:  LOVE!

For envy, LOVE is the best antidote.

Envy reveals itself in two ways:

1. When your heart and mind is desiring something which is possessed by someone else;
2. When you have spite and resentment at seeing the success of someone else.

Are you satisfied with your own portion or do you want someone else’s.  Love is happiest when someone else has more.

Are you envious of someone else’s marriage?

Do you compare your finances to another couple’s finances?

Do you compare yourself to another person’s status or success and find yourself envying them?

If you are walking in agape love, your concern will be the success of others.

Envy caused Joseph’s brothers to have him enslaved.  Acts 7:9 “…became jealous of Joseph…”

Envy caused the Jews to have Jesus crucified.  Matt.27:18 “…For he knew that they had handed Him over because of envy…”

If you are envious, you will find fault in everyone.

That “Green Monster” will seek out reasons for you to be envious.

The most miserable person you will find, is some one who is filled with envy.

Don’t let envy destroy your life and your marriage.

The antidote is LOVE!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

VERBALLY PLANT GOOD SEED

When God created the universe, he used a unique vehicle—words.  The psalmist records how God created all that we see: “By the word of the Lord, the heavens were made…For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded , and it stood fast” (Psa.33:6,9).

When God wanted to free Israel from brutal slavery in Egypt, again He used words:  “He spoke, and there came swarms of flies, and lice in all their territory…He spoke, and locust came, young locusts without number”  (Psa.105:31,34).

God conceived human life in His mind and gave it birth through His words.  He could have fashioned creation gently in His hands—yet He chose to use words.  He spoke, and it “stood fast.”

In a similar way, the words you use can be powerful and even life-giving to your spouse.  One of the most important things about a married couple is what they say to each other.  When positive words flow, the relationship grows robust and flourishes.  But if the lines of understanding and positive communication go down permanently, it is only a matter of time before that marriage dies.  You can create life in your mate with your positive words, or you can inflict destruction with negative or neglectful words.

During World War II many factories in the United States were converted into manufacturing firms producing ammunition, ships and other wartime resources.  Posted throughout those factories were little signs with these words, “Loose lips sink ships.”  Today we need little signs in our homes that read, “Loose lips sink Partnerships.”

Proverbs 12:25 is clear, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad.”  Notice the impact of a “good word.”  Gladness comes not from a sentence or a paragraph or from an entire message.  Gladness comes from just one well-placed , positive word!

Be sure to appreciate the power of words.  They can assault  your mate or honor him or her as a valuable person who has God-given worth and assets.  Your efforts to give unconditional acceptance will go for naught if you sow pessimistic, critical, or unsympathetic words into the heart of your mate.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION AND ANSWER 

Question#1.  How important is intimate conversation?

Answer #1.

According to an article I read recently, the typical couple spend only four minutes a day in meaningful conversation with each other.  Four minutes!  That’s less time than the commercial breaks during a half-hour program.

A lot of us husbands don’t realize that in order for our wives to consider us romantic, we must first of all be great friends and conversationalists.  Grunts and one-word answers just won’t cut it!  Too many women feel that their husbands don’t really need them— and bare-bones conversation confirms their sense of low personal value.

Many men who once were accomplished at deep conversation during courtship, seem to lose this talent later.  You can rediscover the groove!  Make a commitment to learn to make intimate conversation a priority with your wife.  You need to talk and fill her in on the details of your life– not just facts, but feelings.

When a husband sincerely shows his desire for conversation and a deepening relationship–emotional intimacy–he will find that his wife is much more interested in sexual intimacy.  Her dreams, hopes, desires, and disappointments are no longer divorced from the marriage bed, but are a part of it.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.