SATURDAY QUESTION AND ANSWER

20 Jul

SATURDAY QUESTION AND ANSWER

Question #1.  My husband and I are almost through raising our kids.  We both have worked hard in full time ministry which is continuing to grow.  My husband is an excellent and affectionate man.  However, a few years ago, I noticed that he began to change.  He seemed distant, disinterested, and seemed overwhelmed. Because we are together night and day working in ministry, I know that there was not a person who was being a distraction in his life.  I feel like he doesn’t love me like he did, although I know that he is faithful and committed to his family and to his God.  What can I do?

Answer #1.  Thank you for your question.  There isn’t a lot of information nor is there enough time to explore this in a way that would be fair to you and your husband.  What I will do is address it in general, and bring to light some issues that I hope will help you.

Jesus went through attacks during his ministry, so will every one and every minister that spreads the gospel.  They are not exempt from what every other man goes through in life.   The difference is that they turn to God and not women, money, sex, drugs, alcohol, power and etc.

Just like women go through menopause, PMS, and various women’s issues that change her body chemistry and anxiety, men go through their different stages in life.  Several years ago, I saw changes in my husband and I can share with you what God showed me in hopes that it will help other women.

1.  Your husband could be overwhelmed.  The size of our ministry is very sizeable.  Although we have other ministers on staff, as senior pastor, my husband carries the whole load on his shoulders.   Like Moses, it becomes heavy at some point.  Moses could have refused help and let his arms fail him which would have brought defeat to the nation of Israel.

2.  There could be failures he has no control over.  There are an array of mishaps in ministry that can make your husband feel like a failure.  Although your husband knows these issues are out of his control, he still has to answer to people and to God.  The bigger your church, the more of a build up this could be.

3.  As a wife, you could be aggravating by complaining.  As comical as this may sound it is true.  Every wife has good intentions to be a “helpmeet”.  The problem is that our husbands end up not having a resting place.  They have problems at work with people, with their children, then with their wife. We need to learn to “shut up.”  God told me not to tell my husband the church problems.  I was devastated!!!  Who was I going to tell then?  He said to me to let the other men on staff take the problems to him.  I had to be a “soft pillow” for him to rest his mind.  I was to also solve as many problems quietly without adding to his list.  It seemed so unfair at first.  God gave me the strength and encouragement that I needed to be the wife he wanted me to be.

4.  His family takes a tole on him.  He is expected to be provider and protector to his family.  This is an impossible task to do all of the time.  This is Gods job and we are to go to God for these things.  However, we have high expectations that we put on our husbands.  On top of that, we keep our husbands aware of everything that is going wrong with the children and expect him to solve it our way.  Instead of making everything an issue, we need to put out the fires and pray.

5.  His needs are not being met.  Instead of looking at your needs, you need to look at his needs.  Trust me, men have so many needs.  Starting with SEX, RESPECT, ADMIRATION, ROMANCE, a LISTENING EAR, a SMILE, APPRECIATION and I could go on.  I won’t because I want you to ask God what your husband needs.

6.  Do the things he likes to do.

This list is really endless.  I can testify that it works.  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, God let me feel the heavy load that my husband carries.  If your husband is not expressing the love he used to and you are fearful, partner with the Holy Spirit and start working at your marriage.  It WORKS!!

 

SPOUSES WITHOUT DRIVING DIRECTIONS

19 Jul

SPOUSES WITHOUT DRIVING DIRECTIONS

 

 One of the things that really bug’s a wife is that her husband never asks for directions when he is lost.

And a big AMEN from me!  Lol!!!

Well wives I have an eye opener for you, us wives need directions also.

How many times are you totally OFF TRACK in your thinking, but you don’t ask for help.

David wrote in Psalms 23 that the LORD is His shepherd.

David was a shepherd and he knew how VITAL it was to keep his sheep from straying and he protected them from thieves and wild animals by forfeiting his own life.

YAHWEH ROI is the one true shepherd for His people.

 “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

For his name’s sake.”  (Psalm 23:1-3)

God gently, through His precious Holy Spirit, brings you back when you wander from God’s way of righteousness.

When you are going through DARK times in your marriage, He is there constantly caring for you.

He watches over you night and day because we are like sheep, when we are vulnerable, we start to panic.

CASE AND POINT:  My father-in-law (who lived with us for 17 years), my aunt (my mothers sister who I was very close to), and my mother and father, all died within a year and a half.  It is said that it takes about 2 years to get over the death of a family member.  I didn’t get 2 year intervals to finish mourning before another death was to be dealt with.

I can testify that God truly “restored my soul” and our family was able to deal with grief and gain supernatural strength to stay focused on Jesus during our ordeal.

Scripture tells us that without Christ, we have no direction.

Without Christ you cannot CONTROL your attraction to sin, or your selfish nature.

How can you keep your spiritual life on course without Christ.

Jesus is called the “Lamb of God” and the “Good Shepherd.”  He became a part of the flock like us by laying down His life.

Because Jesus was the Lamb of God, we can truly live.

Do you let your fears dictate to you how to respond to the issues of life?

YAHWEH ROI, our LORD the Shepherdhas left us His promises.

Psa.23:4 “Even though I walk

Through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

For you are with me;

Your rod and your staff,

They comfort me

Is the devil lying to you that your marriage is not going to make it?

Does he tell you that you are missing out on LIFE?

Are you afraid of what you will do if something happens to your spouse?

Fear is powerful and it will push you into the WRONG path.

Security and anxiety will overwhelm you if you let fear shape your behavior and choices.

Stay on the right path as you allow the Holy Spirit to DIRECT your marital life.

NOTE:  Tomorrow there will be a new post to give you insight on  your marriage.

ROCK STEADY MARRIAGE

18 Jul

ROCK STEADY MARRIAGE

  If we look at the statistics for a lasting marriage, our hopes seem dim.

There is about a 50% chance that our marriage will not make it.

 God doesn’t go by statistics nor does he worry.

Our LORD is the “rock” and He represents steadfast faithfulness, protection and permanence.

Psa.144:1 “Praise the LORD my Rock,

who trains my hands for war

my fingers for battle.”

 The LORD my Rock” in Hebrew is YAHWEH TSURI.

 The Hebrew word Tsuri is translated “rock”.

Was there ever a time in your life when you felt very vulnerable?

When you cried out for HELP did God hear your cries?

In 1Samuel, Hannah cried out to God for a child and when that child was born she gave God a great prayer of praise.

1Sam.2:2 “…there is no Rock like our God.”

When you pray, YAHWEH TSURI is the God who you can always count on.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember the day that my dad abandoned our family when I was thirteen.  I was fearful and could not sleep at night.  Fear of someone coming in and hurting our family overcame me.  Since there was no one to protect us, I slept in the closet hoping that an intruder would not find me.   It took a few months, but eventually my mother moved to a better neighborhood and I adjusted to the fact that my dad wasn’t coming back anytime soon.

Psa.144:2 “He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold  and my deliverer…”

Confess to God if you have a habit of worrying which will hinder you from trusting God.

Is something shaking your CONFIDENCE that you are facing today?  Is it in your marriage?  Trouble in your home?

Keep your focus on Jesus no matter how devastating life may seem.

Are you looking at the circumstances around you and are becoming very disturbed?  This can rip into your marriage.

Build your life and your marriage on the word of God.

Remember, YAHWEH TSURI is the rock that spoke to the Israelites.

No matter what beats against your house or your marriage, remember that your foundation is securely built on the rock.

Keep in mind that blessings come not by wishing but by YIELDING to the Holy Spirit that is within you and he is there to guide you.

Decide to partner with God to build a better marriage by sticking to Gods commandments, staying in His word and spending more time in prayer.

When life begins to shake and crumble around you, the LORD who is the eternal Rock will be there to give you strength and rest.

Jesus was the spiritual rock that was with God’s people in the desert.

1Cor.10:4 “And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ.”

You are a living stone with Christ as the cornerstone.

1Pet.2:4-8 “…I lay in Sion a chief cornerstone, elect, precious: and he that believeth on him shall not be confounded…a rock of offence..”

You have security in Christ!!!

NOTE:  Watch for tomorrow’s post that will strengthen your marriage.

GREAT PEACE IN MARRIAGE

17 Jul

GREAT PEACE IN MARRIAGE

An oxymoron is conjoining contradictory terms (as in “deafening silence”).

The title of this post seems like an oxymoron, GREAT PEACE IN MARRIAGE.

How do you have “great peace” in marriage?

We always turn to God’s word for our answers to marital or any other problems.

Psa.119:165 KJV “Great peace have they which love the law: and nothing shall offend them.”

A woman can take wounds from a friend and be ready to patch things up but when it comes from her spouse, she BLEEDS to death.

When a friend offends, it is iron sharpening iron, but when the husband does, the sparks will fly.

Why is it that a woman can act REASONABLE with strangers yet become easily offended with her husband?

This happens when we do not apply Gods word to our life.

Live by Gods word and you WON’T be so offended by your spouse.

The result of love for God and His word is “great peace.”

When you are obedient to God’s word, it will keep you from being offended from any person, especially your spouse.

Phil.4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

 God demands that we do not offend our spouse but he also demands that we live free from not being offended by any one.

In Judges 6:24, Gideon built an altar to the LORD and called it “…the LORD of peace…” , YAHWEH SHALOM.

 SHALOM is a Hebrew word which implies “peace”.

If there is any pattern in your life or marriage that keeps you from experiencing God’s peace, confess it to God.

God desires to free you from spiritual OPPRESSION.

The peace we long for in our marriage can only come from God.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that peace comes from having a PERFECT relationship.

Practicing the presence of God is the only way to have real peace.

What has caused you to be so BUSY that you have not practiced Gods presence or you are not seeking His face?

What is making you frustrated and anxious?

What is STEALING your peace?

Have you corroded your faith because of compromises you have made?

Cry out to God and he will DRAW you into His presence.

Confess any lack of faith in God to bring peace to your marriage.

To be at peace with God, your spouse and yourself , live in the presence of God through the POWER of the Holy Spirit.

Call on the name of Jesus!!

Fighting the “good fight” and loving it.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will bring you more insight into your marriage.

RELATIONSHIP POWER

16 Jul

RELATIONSHIP POWER  

 

God calls a marriage union his “holy institution” in Malachi.

 Mal.2:11 “…For Judah has profaned the LORDS holy institution which He loves…”

The word “holiness” in the bible refers to something that is separated and sacred.

Holiness involves you separating yourself from sinful attitudes.

You can’t separate yourself from sinful people or a sinful world, but you have been liberated from sins grip.

Lev.19:1-2” The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: “Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.”” 

God was called QEDOSH YISRAEL, which in Hebrew means “Holy One of Israel”.

The people of Israel became “holy” because God chose them to be set apart.

In every relationship, the Israelites were to reflect their devotion and commitment to God by displaying and honoring His character.

God’s holiness involves absolute hostility towards sin and not just separation from sin.

Holiness involves Gods love, mercy, knowledge, goodness, justice and power.

The Holy Spirit enables you to imitate Christ’s holiness if you are a believer.

God’s presence is overpowering and when we are in His midst we will immediately see our sin.

God wants to reveal to us areas in our marriage that are falling short of His holiness.

There are times in our Christian walk when we feel our marriage dry up and our relationship with God dry up.

We start to drift as troubles mount and pleasures start to entice us.

Does it seem like your heart has grown empty and cold?

Do you wonder what happened to the “zing” that was once there?

Are you starting to slip back into old sinful habits and patterns?

Without holiness, no one will see God.

 

Heb.12:14 “Follow after peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.”

Be fully awake to God’s life within us with a passionate commitment.

Are you hanging out with anyone who is sexually immoral?

Are you listening to anyone who is greedy and selfish?

Are you staying clear from all idolaters and slanderers?

Don’t be influenced by a drunkard!

I will end with Leviticus 19:1-4, 9-18 for you to read what the Israelites were told what holiness is and what God expected of them:

The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.”

’Each of you must respect his mother and father, and you must observe my Sabbaths.  I am the LORD your God.

“’Do not turn to idols or make gods of cast metal for yourselves. I am the LORD your God…

“’When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest.  Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen.  Leave them for the poor and the alien.  I am the LORD your God.

“’Do not steal.

“’Do not lie.

“’Do not deceive one another.

“’Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God.  I am the LORD.

“’Do not defraud your neighbor or rob him.

“’Do not hold back the wages of a hired man overnight.

“’Do not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block in front of the blind, but fear your God.  I am the LORD.

“’Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.

“’Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life.  I am the LORD.

“’Do not hate your brother in your heart.  Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.

“’Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.  I am the LORD.’”

 

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

REMAINING FAITHFUL

15 Jul

REMAINING FAITHFUL

Unfaithfulness in a marriage emotionally cuts to core of our heart.

It affects everyone around mainly close friends and family.

Children never recover and have to live with rejection and distrust.

Have you ever asked God why this is experienced here on earth?

We know that because of Lucifer we all live in a wicked and immoral world.

One of the things I experienced was Gods tender understanding after I became a member of his family.

God understands because he is God, EL KANNA, a jealous God who loves us completely.

CASE AND POINT:  Before I became a Christian, I was extremely jealous.  I had no reason to be, but it was deeply embedded in my heart.  I felt like I had nothing: no looks, no intelligence, no personality, no money and no father.  I was jealous of everyone.  I just wanted to be everyone else.  When I got married, I felt like I didn’t deserve such a wonderful man.  I thought if anyone new what a great man I was married to, everyone would want him.  My husband has never done anything to make me jealous or suspicious.  This jealousy had nothing to do with my husband, it had to do with my insecurities.  Thank God when I got saved it was the first thing God dealt with.  He showed me that He had a place in heaven for me with my name in it.  I was going to heaven, a privileged place for those he handpicked to be with him.   I felt the jealousy melt as I realized God is “fair” and “just.”  Once in a great while, jealousy “rears its ugly head” and I say, “Find another sucker.  I am a child of the King.”  I suffered with jealousy for 26 years.  JEALOUSY NO MORE!!

We read in Gods word that he is a jealous God but it is a different kind of jealousy.

Ex.34:14 “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, (EL KANNA) is a jealous God.”

 God is a jealous God who cannot endure unfaithfulness.

Joseph Addison, an English poet said, “Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves.”

God wants us to equally return his passion and he will not be satisfied till we do.

Have you asked God for His grace to stay faithful to your spouse and to be faithful to God regardless of outside pressures or temptations?

Remember that your marriage is His “Holy Institution” and he desires that you be faithful to the end.

In order to live peaceably, be tolerant of your spouse and respect each other’s differences.

Deut.4:23-24 “Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God…For  the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God (EL KANNA). 

When scriptures portray God as a consuming fire, it shows his divine anger against the sins of men and nations.

When we oppose our marital vows, God views us as a sinful terrorist to His “Holy Institution”.  You now have to deal with ESH OKLAH, God the consuming fire.

When our love for God and obedience to His marriage treaty are respected he becomes a “wall of fire” to protect and deliver us.

Zech.2:5 “I myself will be a wall of fire around it, declares the LORD…”

Gods consuming fire shows his holiness, and his purpose to restore the proper relationship with us.

Remain faithful to both relationships: God and spouse.

You have made a vow and covenant.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

A REAL STORYBOOK FINISH

14 Jul

A REAL STORYBOOK FINISH

Do you want a marriage that both of you find fulfilling, satisfying, and sometimes thrilling?  Then do in your marriage what the apostle Paul advises in Philippians 2:3,4, “Esteem one another better than yourself, looking out not only for your own interests, but for the interests of your spouse.”  Imagine if Abraham had done this with Sarah, rather than forcing her to do something deceitful in an effort to save his own hide!

While looking out for the interests of another doesn’t come naturally, couples who commit to self-sacrifice discover a whole new side to romance.  Is this hard work?  Absolutely!  Is it worth the effort?  You bet!  After years of hard work, I have no question about the payoff:  Our love for each other and the romance we share are richer today than at anytime in our marriage.

Remember, marriage is not just about a grand beginning.  It’s about committing to a strong finish.  It’s weathering the storms of disappointment and the turbulence of life, never losing the ability to sing with Solomon, “How fair is your love…How much better than wine is your love” (Song 4:10).  That kind of storybook finish can be yours.