LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

NEEDS YOUR SPOUSE NEEDS 

There are human NEEDS that your spouse cannot live without.

One of the needs that we cannot live without is security.

The definition for security is FREEDOM from fear, anxiety, danger and doubt.

Security ASSURES safety, protection against attacks, and certainty with trust.

Prov. 31:11 “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

This man in proverbs doesn’t fear of his wife betraying his secrets.

Does your husband ASK for your advise and confidence on important matters?

Does he have complete trust in you?

There is no other JOY a wife can experience that counts more than to be trusted.

When you are trusted, it brings inspiration to work hard for your husband and family.

Marriage THRIVES where there is honor and respect.

Are you held in high honor as this Hebrew wife?

In Gen.24:14,  Eliezer PRAYED to God as he was looking for a wife for Abraham’s son.  Eliezer told God to let it be the woman who offers to water his camels.

That meant that to water his camels would take over 200 gallons of water.

Can you imagine offering to carry 200 gallons of water to water camels of a total stranger?

That was no small TASK.

It took a servants heart like Rebekah’s to complete a task this hard.

Rebekah was beautiful but there was a lot more to her than just a beautiful FACE.

If she could make such sacrifices of herself to a total stranger than what service will she bring to a man she is committed to through marriage.

When we are feeling INSECURE we look for someone to make us feel secure.

The natural place for us to look for that security is in our spouse.

Have you ever looked to your spouse for security and been very DISAPPOINTED?

Disappointment leads to anger.

Only God can give us that COMPLETE feeling of security when we are grounded in a secure relationship with Him.

Deut.33:12 “Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”

CASE AND POINT:  Years ago I heard on the news about someone who went bungee jumping.  They were having a great time till one of them jumped and realized that they forgot to tie the other end of the cord onto something secure.  They were concentrating on making the one end of the cord very secure on the person jumping.

In order for something to be secure, it needs to be tied to something that is immovable.

Psa.16:8 “I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.”

God is the only one who can take you from insecurity to security and blessings.

As a spouse, we need the Holy Spirit in our marriage to bring that security that our spouse desperately needs in their life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

  TEN FACTORS TO IGNITE YOUR MARRIAGE

1.  Try to understand your mate:  

“Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established” (Prov.24:3).

2.  Be reasonable in your expectations of each other:  

“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another” (Rom.12:10).

3.  Do not criticize each other publicly:  

“Let us not therefore judge one another any more, but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way” (Rom.14:13).

4.  Be comrades in a common cause:  

“They twain shall be one” (Matt.19:5).

5.  Talk it over:  

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord,.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Col.3:18,19).

6.  Keep up the love pattern:  

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the  floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” (S.of S.8:7).

“Husbands love your wives” (Eph.5:25).

“Teach the young women…to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4).

7.  Treat your partner with courtesy:

“Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph.4:32).

8.  Be loyal to each other:

“Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom.13:10).

9.  Practice the golden rule of wedded love!

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matt.7:12).

10.  Take Christ into your home:  

“If any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him and he with Me” (Rev.3:20).

NOTE:  This article was taken from plymouthbrethren.org.  The article was titled “Emotional Factors In Christian Marriage” submitted by H. E. Kay, M.D. on 4/2/28.

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 NO ESCAPE CLAUSES IN MARRIAGE

“Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.  John 13:1

If your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can be more daunting with each passing day.

But marriage is not a contract with convenient escape clauses and selfish exception wordings.

Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal.

There’s no going back.

There’s no opting out.

There’s nothing in the world that should sever what God has joined together.

Your love is based on a covenant.

And your covenant is based on the unchanging character of a covenant-keeping God.

The prophet Malachi wrote that one reason God withholds His blessing is that He hates divorce and is angered when husbands deal treacherously with their wives, breaking the covenant they made (Malachi 2:16).

Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me, and we’ll see if it works out.”

But realizing it as a covenant changes it around to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”

Questions

Have you committed to your marriage for life?

Could you remind your spouse of your lifelong covenant with them?

Why not renew your love in a creative way?

NOTE:  This article is from the book, “The Love Dare – Day by Day authored by Kendrick

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LIFE’S TOUGH SPOTS IN MARRIAGE

When you were a kid do you remember how tempting it was to touch anything that had a sign on it that read: Don’t touch!  Wet paint!

I was raised with five brothers and I always remember that my mom would go to do the wash and start asking them where they had been to get paint all over their clothes.

Just like paint is very tempting for kids, as adults, we each have areas in our life that is tempting.

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”  Matt.6:13

We all need God in our life to lead us out of life’s tough spots in our marriage.

Praying this prayer is confessing that God is your leader including in your marriage.

This is where you and I tell God that we have felt the hurt of destruction from sin in our lives.

We are telling God that we don’t want to go there again in our marriage so we need him to lead us in the right direction.

Life is a test of choices.

When God designed us in his image, he made us higher than the angels.

We have the freedom as moral creatures to make our own choices and decisions but the angels do not.

Are you asking God not to let you get off track in your marriage from where God is leading you?

It is like a wife who navigates her husband while he is driving so he doesn’t make a wrong turn.

CASE AND POINT:  One of the funniest things that happened to my husband and me when we were missionaries in England, happened in the city of Birmingham.  We were there to scout the land to plant a new church there.  I had the map and was telling my husband which way to turn.  In England they have round-abouts instead of stop signs.  You get on and go in circles till you get to the street you want to turn in.  I kept asking him what street we were coming up to as my eyes were on the map.  He would tell me the name of the street as we passed it.  I would tell him to turn off on the next street as we passed it.  He would tell me we passed it.  As we kept going in circles, our voices started getting louder at each other.  Pretty soon we were shouting at each other going in circles.   By the time we got off the round-about, we were ready for a divorce.  After that every time we wanted to have a good laugh we would say, “Hey lets go to Birmingham, and have a nice time.”

This is exactly what the devil does in our marriage!

He has us blaming each other and chasing our tails.

Many times we blame God for not helping us with our marriage but we have choices to make and continue to make bad choices.

God will never tempt us.   NEVER!!

James 1:13-14  “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.”

Awwww!  We are drawn away by our own lust!!

Satan tempts us and sets traps for us.

The evil one knows which buttons to push to get you to react.

He entices us with the world: The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life.

Let Jesus be your guide.

Get off the round about!

It’s your choice!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

CHOOSE THE HONEYCOMB

HUSBAND, ARE YOU LOOKING for a good way to connect emotionally with your wife?  If so, Proverbs offers this pointer, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones” (Prov.16:24).

How often do you praise your wife?  Consider a few compliments to brighten her day:

*  “Dinner was great!  Thank you for always making creative meals, even when you’re tired of cooking.”

*  “I love the way you read books to our kids.  That’s so much better for them than watching TV.”

*  “I’m grateful that you carefully budget our paycheck each month.”

*  “I admire the way you handled yourself with that rude salesman—you have such a winsome approach.”

*  “The flowers you planted make our home so much more inviting.  I appreciate your hard work.”

Speaking pleasant words to your spouse helps to establish and strengthen emotional connections.  As you work to make a genuine connection with your words, go below the surface to the real issues of life.  Share with her, for example, what goes on at work.  Most women love hearing all of the details.  You’ll also discover that she can provide wise counsel on the issues you face.

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

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WILL YOU BUILD UP or PULL DOWN

EVERY WIFE HAS THE POWER to create or destroy her relationship with her husband “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands” (Prov.14:1).

Remember that God is in control and you can trust Him.  Also remember that you have to choose to obey God through honoring and respecting your husband.  Every man needs his wife’s respect; it’s one of his deepest needs.  He has others, but your respect—or lack thereof—impacts his whole life.

Respecting your husband includes really listening to him, not simply hearing the words that come out of his mouth.  Take seriously what he says!  When Barbara listens to me when I express something that I consider important for the family—and then acts on what I have said—she demonstrates respect.  On more than one occasion, her respect has empowered me to lead.  Not only does she benefit, but so does the entire family.  Some wives do not realize how powerful they can be in their husband’s life when they truly respect their man.

A husband should never try to force his wife to respect him.  Instead, he should seek to be a man worthy of respect by demonstrating godly character and sacrificial love.  And a wife should look for ways to affirm and respond to her husband’s leadership.  It starts by praising him for those areas in which he deserves genuine respect.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

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YOUR HEART FOLLOWS YOUR INVESTMENT

NOTE:  The following article comes from the book “The Love Dare – Day by Day written by Kendrick

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt.6:21

Your heart follows your investment.

Whatever you pour your time, money, and energy into will draw your heart.

This was certainly true before you were married.

You wrote letters, bought gifts, and spent time together as a couple…and your heart followed.

But if you stopped investing as much in the relationship and started pouring yourself into other things, your heart followed those.

If you are not in love with your spouse today it may be because you stopped investing in your spouse yesterday.

Ask yourself what has your heart right now.

What’s become important to you?

You can tell by looking at where your time, money, thoughts and energy have been spent recently.

Are you still putting these things into your mate?

How about the things of God?

As you draw closer to God, the Holy Spirit will act as your spiritual GPS.

When you veer off course, His still, small voice will redirect you—if you’ll listen—back toward your real treasure.

Prayer

“Lord, remind us to invest in our marriage whether our emotions are there or not.   Help us to love each other regardless of our feelings, but we ask you to renew our love for one another as we obey you.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

PEACE STARTS WITH ME!

In the Lords Prayer one of the issues that was dealt with is the way we deal with other people and that includes our spouse.

Matt.6:14 “  If we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

This verse is telling us that there is a condition that has been established.

That condition is that your spouse must be forgiven for all offensives and it has to start with YOU!

You cannot make the excuse that you are waiting for your spouse to ask for forgiveness or an apology.

God is waiting for you to FORWARD MARCH!

You must FORGIVE first!

 I saw a cartoon of a man at a card shop.  He was buying a card for his wife.  He asked the salesperson,  “Do you have a card that stops short of saying, ‘I’m sorry’ yet vaguely hints of some wrongdoing?”

This is not showing forgiveness!

Forgiveness can’t change the past but it does broaden the future.

  Is forgiveness a choice or is it just a state of your emotions?

*  Forgiveness is a choice made by your will.

*  God commands that your obedience to him must produce forgiveness  to others.

If you are blaming your spouse because you cannot forgive them, remember that it is a choice of your will.

By dwelling on past hurts you take away quality to have  a satisfying marital life.

Corrie Ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you!”

CASE AND POINT:  Kris, one of our pastor’s wives on staff, joins me as we both go and speak into the Los Angeles County Jail for the women together.  The presence of God is so powerful in the jail for these women.  Even though it is the most fulfilling areas of ministry that we have, it is still heartbreaking to walk out and see that these precious women we just ministered to are still prisoners.

I can’t imagine how God must feel when he has ministered to us about our marriages and given us clear direction of what he expects of us as spouses then we turn around, and won’t forgive them.

God forgives us and sets us free and because we won’t forgive, we put ourselves back to live in our own prison.

WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!

What a blow to your marital life.

Let peace reign in your life, not bitterness.

FORWARD MARCH – spouses!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TWO MELTED HEARTS CAN BECOME ONE

NOTE:  The following article is from the book “The Love Dare –  Day by Day” by Kendrick

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines…yet I will triumph in the LORD.”  HAB.3:17-18

Does your love  have a place it will not go beyond?

Even though you willingly promised to love your spouse forever in the soft glow of your wedding ceremony, were you just repeating the script?

Were you like many who, though promising for better or for worse, really only meant “for better”?

You may look from the outside in at other people’s marriages and suppose that many, if not most, have a much easier time than you do.

You may determine that your spouse has brought challenges into your marriage you can no longer tolerate–things you didn’t know or foresee, or perhaps overlooked.

Do not  give up on having true love for your spouse.

Even if much of the feeling and desire has been replaced by resentment and distrust, God is able to grow in you a love that will last.

Unconditional love will give the ability to rise up from the ashes of life’s worst, and be thankful for how the heat of battle has melted your hearts into one.

This Weeks Dare

Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse—

something that proves (to you and to them) that your love

is based on your choice and nothing else.

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  YOUR SPOUSE IS AN EXPERT

NOTE:  The following article is from the book The Love Dare Day by Day by Kendrick

“How can we thank God for you in return for all the joy we experience because of you before our God?”  1Thess.3:9

Whether from raw, natural ability or from hard work and training, your spouse is an expert at something, probably several things.

They may be good at building projects, or at handling people, or at calming a tense situation with their peaceful spirit.

They may have a knack for organizing work teams, handling finances,  or graciously hosting a dinner party.

And because you may have known this about them for a long time, it’s been easy letting them fill these roles in your marriage without truly noticing  how good they are at them.

People also tend to have one or more subjects they are very knowledgeable about.

But love never ceases to be amazed at what your spouse can do.

It doesn’t save its admiration only for those at work, at church, or outside the home who can accomplish noteworthy things.

This person you married is exceptional in ways you may have overlooked.

Don’t just utilize them for what they are able to do.

VALUE IT.

HONOR IT.

APPRECIATE IT.

Admire them for it.

This Weeks Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.

Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about.

Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.