LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

 WHAT TO DO WITH ANXIETY

Let’s first start out with some pretty startling statistics.

According to the American Institute of stress, 75 to 90 percent of all visits to a primary care physician’s office are related to stress disorders.

Feelings of stress are driving us to the pharmacy shelves.

Every year Americans are consuming:

5 billion tranquilizers,

5 billion barbiturates,

3 billion amphetamines, and

16 tons of aspirin every year.

Much of this “medicine” is being taken to help alleviate stress or the resulting headaches and pain associated with stress!

We will get back to more statistics, but lets see what Gods word says about solving the problem.

Phil.4:6 “be careful for nothing…”

The Greek word for “careful” is pronounced mer-im-nah’-o and it means to be anxious about.

In other words, the verse means not to be anxious about ANYTHING. Not finances, not time, not work, not family, not friends, not health, not food, not circumstances or our husbands, are we to be anxious about.

HOLD THAT TIGER!!!

Sounds hard? For our flesh, it is extremely hard. This is why we need the leading of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Remember that the Holy Spirit is our teacher, guide, comforter and anything that we are not, HE IS. Isn’t that great!! The lover of our soul!

WHAT TO DO WHEN ANXIOUS

#1 Earnest prayer

Phil.4:6 “…but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

The word “supplication” in the Greek means requests.

The word “thanksgiving” in the Greek means with gratitude.

In other words, we are to take everything including our anxieties to God, requesting with gratitude to Yahweh Yireh, our provider.

#2 Trust God for Peace of Mind

Phil.4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

In the Greek, the word “peace” means rest. The word “understanding” in the Greek means of the mind.

So it means the rest that God will bring to your mind cannot be understood by our intellect.

In other words, we are too dumb to understand it. LOL!

I AM SORRY. It is just that it has happened to me so many times that it is almost embarrassing. God will tell me not to worry. My stubborn flesh says, “Well, if you don’t worry and don’t take care of it, who will take care of it? No one cares but you!” Then I start worrying again. But when I start crying out to Gods precious Holy Spirit, I have peace again.

#3 Think on Positive Thoughts

Phil.4:8 “Whatsoever things are TRUE, whatsoever thing are HONEST, whatsoever things are JUST, whatsoever things are PURE, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are of GOOD REPORT, if there be any praise, think on these things.”

When we feel anxiety, it’s a sign that we need to RELAX!

Use the word of God to relax with. IT WORKS EVERY TIME!!

Let’s be real now. So many times we are stressed about things that are not important at all.

If you are the type of woman who visits with her family all the time whether it is on the phone or seeing them, don’t bring their problems home. A man is not equipped to deal with a womans emotions. He can’t feel what she is feeling because he is a man. Just like you can’t get all excited about opening up the hood of a new car and start checking out all the nonsense that is going on under the hood. Yet, you expect him to be sensitive to every member of the family and what their children and their children’s children are going through. GIVE IT A REST!!

I have never met a young man who couldn’t wait to get married so he could be MOTHER MACREE to the family.

When we first got married, my husband could always tell when I had a family visit on my day off. I would come home in a mood.

Or you might be the type of wife that wants him to solve problems for your girlfriends at your work or your church. When he doesn’t, you feel he is being selfish.

LET THE ANXIETY GO!! You will bury your marriage, one shovel at a time.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

JOKE:  THE PERFECT HUSBAND

NOTE:  The following joke was taken out of Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.”

A new Perfect Husband Shopping Center opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to find the perfect husband.  It was laid out on five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended the floors.  The only rule was that once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can’t go back down except to leave the store.  So, a couple of girl-friends go to the store to find a man to marry.

The first floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs and love kids.  The women read the sign and say, “Well, that’s wonderful…but, ”  and wonder what is on the next floor.

The second floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking.  “Hmmm,”  say the girls.  “Wonder what’s further up?”

The third floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and will help with the housework.  “Wow!”  say the women.  “Very tempting…but there’s more further up!”

The fourth floor sign reads:  These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, will help with the housework, and are great in bed.  “Oh, mercy me.  But just think!  What must be awaiting us further up?!”  say the women.  So up to the fifth floor they go.

The fifth floor sign reads:  This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please!

STICK WITH THE TRUTH

LIFE HAS A WAY OF EDITING THE TRUTH of Scripture.  Imagine what happens, for example, when a daughter says through tears that her Christian husband is verbally abusing her and her children.

“Daddy,” she sobs, “I don’t know how much longer I can take this!”  At that moment we would do anything to free her from her pain.  “After all,” we conclude, “wouldn’t peace be better for the kids than hostility?”

If we react only with our hearts, however, we may forget about God’s Word and resort to the world’s solution—divorce.  It’s in these real life situations that the truth of  Scripture can too easily be set aside for immediate peace and the expediency of life.  If we let it, life can indeed edit Scripture.

The prophet Micaiah refused to cave in like this.  He insisted on speaking the truth of God, regardless of how much pain it caused him.  “As the Lord lives,” he declared, “whatever the Lord says to me, that I will speak” (1kings 22:4)

I’m not trying to dismiss this problem by giving a cut-and-dried theological answer.  I believe parents can and should seek help from law enforcement officials if a son or daughter is in physical danger.  We can encourage our married children to seek godly counsel for a troubled marriage.  But we must not rush to accept the world’s solutions and ignore truth of God’s Word.  His counsel is sure and life giving.  Our compassion and advice must be informed and guided by all the truth of Scripture.

NOTE:  This article was taken from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued /Final)

In the past two days, we have covered two of the top needs in your husband’s life.  Respect and to be needed.

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, he tells us what these top three are.

The third is to be FULFILLED.

1.  For your husband, sexual fulfillment fills a powerful emotional need!

Your husband needs sex and he needs for you to enjoy it.

1Cor.7:4-5 “The wife hath not power of (over) her own body, but the husband (does): and likewise also the husband hath not power of (over) his own body, but the wife (does).  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again (continue to have sexual intercourse), that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

According to surveys taken from Shaunti Feldhahn in her book “For women only” when men were asked how important it was for them to feel sexually desired and wanted by their wife, 66% said very important. Also, 31% said somewhat important and the other 3% were in the irrelevant and not very important category.

Wow!  97% of husbands NEEDED THEIR WIVES TO DESIRE THEM SEXUALLY!

Don’t ignore that number!

Your husband may not tell you but he could be burdened with secret feeling of inadequacy

The same way you would feel if your husband stopped speaking to you, is as emotionally serious to him.

74% of men said that they could not be sexually satisfied if their wives were reluctant or just accommodating to their sexual needs.

Sex makes your man feel loved and gives him the strength to face the world with confidence.

A fulfilling sex life creates great benefits in your husbands life..

This verse plainly explains that it is FRAUD if one or the other refrains from sex without the others permission.

I have worked with many wives who have refused sex all together.

What I tell them is the next time they refuse their husband sex, she needs to go on a FOOD FAST the next day.  Then I ask her what she thinks she will be thinking about all day and how will her stomach feel.

This may seem unfair, but this is exactly how HE FEELS.

He didn’t marry you because he couldn’t wait for you to hang those ugly flowered curtains on your kitchen windows.

He didn’t marry you for your great cooking cause his mothers cooking was better.

He married you because he thought he was going to have GREAT SEX with his bride the rest of his life.

Dr. Laura says that what every husband wants is his wives naked body slapped against his.

Did you marry him under FALSE PRETENCES?

Let the food burn girls.

2.  He also needs to know that he is your number one priority.

Once you get married, your husband ends up last.  Kids, housecleaning, work, neighbors, hobbies, cooking and everything else comes first.

Your husband needs to be fulfilled by you emotionally and physically.  You were hand-picked to do this and equipped for it.

RESPECT, TO BE NEEDED AND FULFILLMENT

The three basic needs are to be respected, to be needed, and to be fulfilled.

Once again, the exciting part is that wives are EQUIPPED to do all three.

Want a great marriage that will last a lifetime?  Put these three basic needs to practice starting TODAY!

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued)

Yesterday we covered one of the top three needs in a husbands life.  The first one we discussed was respect.

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book,  he has researched and discusses what they are.

As of yesterday, I hope you started working on RESPECT.

We have the opportunity every day to meet these needs, but ARE WE?

The second is TO BE NEEDED.

God put something in a husbands heart so that he is compelled to nourish, care, and protect his wife.

Eph.5:28-29 “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”

In the Greek, that word nourish is pronounced ek-tref-o which means “to train up to be mature.”

The word cherish in the Greek means “to warmly hover over.”

Your husband needs to do this for you and the children in order to fulfill his part in protecting his home.

Can I hit you with a question right here?

What happens when an issue comes up concerning your children?  When it starts to get heated.  Do you tell your husband to stay out of it because you are going to have the last word in this?  Do you have your neck movement going on?  Is your voice getting higher?  Did you just dethrone him in front of the family?  Is he not just as upset as you are and he wants the final say also?

CONTROL YOURSELF WOMAN!!   HE NEEDS TO FEEL NEEDED!

Men have fewer friends and usually don’t have best friends.

For that reason, the one your husband thinks about and cares most about is YOU!

Girls have their moms, sisters, cousins, friends, best friend, neighbors and anyone else that will listen to her “run her mouth.”

When he hears you tell him how much you need him, it causes him to feel “warm and fuzzy.”

Do men feel “warm and fuzzy”? I don’t know.  I assume so.

Maybe I should have said, “MACHO”!?!    Okay, MACHO!!

You are much HIGHER in your husbands thoughts than you think.

You think he is only interested in succeeding at work with raises, promotions, and recognitions.

Where he really wants to succeed  is AT HOME.

He needs to hear in your words and see in your actions, that he is your HERO.

BRAG about him.  Yes, BRAG!! As they say in England, “Have a go.”  Don’t treat him like I don’t really need you.

Most husbands will be loyal to the end if you respect him and show him that you need him.

YOU GO GIRL!!   Just have fun today!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow. We will finally find out what all three needs are.

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS:

RESPECT

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, he asked wives what they thought was the number one need in a mans life and got an array of interesting answers.

They were answers like food, remote control and sex.

Fortunately the top three needs have everything to do with his wife.

This gives the wife the opportunity every day to meet these needs, but DO WE?

The first:   RESPECT

In Eph.5:33, it is the marriage treatise and one of the best scriptures on marriage.

Eph.5:33 “…let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

In the Greek, the word is pronounced fob-eh’-o.  It means to be in awe, reverence or to fear.

The important thing about this verse is that the wife and husband have to do it UNCONDITIONALLY.

No matter what the other partner does, they have to commit themselves to God by doing their part.

It can only work if it is unconditional.

This is long-term so we need to realize it is a marriage marathon.

When your husband isn’t respected, he will never by convinced that you love him.

He feels unloved !!

If he feels disrespected, he will go to other avenues to find respect.

He may become very quiet, maybe bury himself in his work, or find reasons to not come home.

There will no longer be any reason to build a relationship.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??

I DON’T THINK SO!

Here are some suggestions:

1.  SMILE at him.

2.  SAY HELLO when he comes home.

3.  Don’t start COMPLAINING about things.

4.  Let him sit on his favorite chair and go into his NOTHING BOX.

5.  Don’t give him a LOOK when he has said or done something wrong.

6.  Don’t DISRESPECT his family.  He loves them.

7.  Don’t YELL at him.

8.  Let him SPEND money.  He’s not in kindergarten and he worked for it.

9.  Don’t BELITTLE him for the things he enjoys.

10. Don’t criticize him.

11. Did I leave anything out?

R  E  S  P  E  C  T    H  I  M !!   God gave you to him for support.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow!  You will find out what your husbands second need is.

CHECK FOR BITE MARKS

I’VE GOT TWO LOVERS

And you do have two lovers also.

Yes you do and I will tell you exactly who they are:  The flesh and the spirit.

They do not like each other and they don’t get along.

Gal.5:17 “For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

Every day and all through the day, our soul has a choice to obey what the spirit of God is telling us or obey what our flesh wants us to do.

This is exactly how and why fights and arguments start in marriages.

That is why it says in Lev.18:18 and repeats it in Gal.5:14 “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

If you don’t, you kill something inside your spouse. It hurts hours, days and years after it has been said.

And wives don’t exclude yourself by saying that men are not sensitive and nothing hurts them.  DON’T YOU DARE!!

We are to never assume what our husbands are thinking.

My husband told me once to never tell someone what he is thinking.

The reason is that I  don’t know what he is thinking.  I can only know what he is saying.  It is so UNFAIR to do that.

When I am talking with a wife and she starts telling me what her husband is thinking, I stop her.  Then I have her repeat exactly what he has said.

Many times it is very hard for the wife to repeat what he has said because the DUDE didn’t say anything wrong.  The wife is just making assumptions of what he is thinking

Lets look at our FIRST LOVER.  Gal.5:19 “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like…those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

We like this lover. Especially “…hatred, contentions, jealousies, outburst of wrath, selfish ambitions…”

No??? Am I wrong?  Let’s ask our spouse.  Okay?!?

Let’s now look at our OTHER LOVER.  Gal.5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

No assignment today, but it would be interesting if we gave a list of our two lovers and ask our spouse which one we are most like.  LOL!!

I bet our spouse can tell which lover has control of our life.

Gal.5:15 “But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!”

OH WOW! There is a test. Look for bite marks!  [on your spouse]

Don’t get mad at me, I didn’t write that verse.  Silly you!

The Apostle Paul knows how we feel.  Read Romans 7:15-25.

He says what I want to do, I don’t do.  Then what I don’t want to do, I end up doing.

In Romans 7:24, Paul calls himself “wretched”. That word in Greek means “miserable”.

He is saying, I did it my way.  I did what I wanted to do and I’M MISERABLE!!

Wives have you ever had it out with your hubby and you won, or didn’t win, but did what you wanted to do anyway?

How did you feel girlfriend?  Huh, did it feel good??

May I answer that?  No, you didn”t feel good.  You felt miserable because you couldn’t even enjoy yourself.

If you allow the Holy Spirit to help you put your desires aside, you will keep from FOLLOWING THE FLESH.

Romans 8:13 “For if you live according to the …Spirit, you put to death the deeds of the body…”

You must wage war by the power of the Spirit!

Your spouse loves the OTHER LOVER best.

NOTE:  Daily there is new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARRIAGE IS A “HOLY INSTITUTION”

HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON’T COME BACK NO MORE!   Okay.  I got it out of my system.

Who am I talking to??????   Not my Husband!!   The devil.

Malachi 2:11b “For Judah has profaned the Lord’s holy institution which He loves…”

This is a fabulous scripture that gives us loads of insight.  God loves your marriage.

He is saying that your marriage is His.  It belongs to Him.  It is his holy institution!

The word “holiness” in Hebrew is qodesh. This means that it is a consecrated, dedicated, sacred place.

Anything that is “holy” is set apart.

In God’s word we see that anything that is holy, is under attack.

That is why wives must be watchmen.  We SUPER CHARGE our man!

Case & Point:  Every time we get a new car, my husband treats it like a “sacred cow”.  Lol!! (I’m exaggerating)  We haven’t got a brand new car in decades.  They are always 1 to 2 years old.  He is gifted in buying cars.  They are always in perfect condition with low miles.  They are always priced one to two years cheaper.  Nevertheless he treats it like it just got off the assembly line.  You are afraid to burp in his  car.  Unfortunately I always initiate the car by banging the car next to us with the door while getting out.  I don’t even want to look his way after doing that .  I know it just isn’t the time for me to be searching for an endearing look from him.

How much more does God care for us and each member of our family that make up this “holy institution”.

God watches it with intense love and desires to help us through each issue if we only ask Him.

Proverbs 19:14 :Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Here we see two blessings for a man:  An inheritance of riches and a prudent wife.

In Hebrew, the word “Prudent” is sakal.  It means to be intelligent, skillful and full of wisdom.

If you walk  in the spirit, as God intended you to, you will have a lot to bring into your marriage.

The devil lies to wives and tells them that all they are good for is not much.

He tells us that we are used and totally unappreciated.  No one listens to us.  Yes, and he always tells us that the grass is greener on the other side.  If you want green grass just start watering your side!

Your husband needs your INTELLIGENCE, SKILL  and WISDOM to make him complete.

The INTELLIGENCE of maintaining a household, finances and an array of various related duties.

The SKILL of meeting the needs of a husband and children, like child-bearing and breast-feeding.  Also, handling a full-time job or church ministry.

The WISDOM to utilize your knowledge and experience.

You, your spouse and your children are a holy institute.  God is committed to making your family a complete success.

The devil is committed to “..KILL, STEAL and DESTROY…” your marriage.

God has made you “…MORE THAN A CONQUEROR…”

Are you committed to making your spouse a success?

Tell the devil to HIT THE ROAD!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

BELIEVE THE TRUTH

Some women experience a power outage in marriage because they believe the wrong things.  Fairy-tale wishes, celebrity fantasies, magazine psychologists, book authorities, videos, and talk show hosts offer advice on adding sizzle to your marriage.  Some of it is good; much of it is not.  A lot of it is simply untrue.

What lies do women believe about romance?

Lie #1.  I desire Prince Charming and a happily-ever-after life.

Lie #2.  Love is a feeling.  No feelings = no love.

Lie #3  Romance should be easy, like falling off a log.

Lie #4  It’s his fault that I feel this way.  If only he’d talk more; if only he’d lose weight; if only he were more romantic.

Lie #5  Romance is his responsibility, not mine.

Lies, lies and more lies!

Turn off the lies and learn to think as did the relieved mother found in 1Kings 17:24, who told E;ijah, “I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.”

What lies do you believe?  And how do they influence your thinking about your husband’s need for your romance and affirmation and blessing of his sexuality?  Knowing the truth allows you to affirm and act on the truth to meet your husband’s needs.

NOTE:  This article is from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY Q & A 

Question #1.  What simple thing can we do to make sure neither of us strays?

Answer #1.  Here are seven exhortations to affair-proof your marriage.

1.  Make your marriage bed your priority.  Exhaustion is the great zapper of passion.  Make your sexual relationship a priority in your married life.

2.  Talk about what pleases one another.  Describe what would truly please you, and encourage him/her to do the same.

3.  Fan the flames of romance.  Find out what setting sparks or even ignites your love for your mate.

4.  Have fun with one another, but not at each other’s expense.  Grins, giggles, and laughter ought to occasionally drift out of our bedrooms.

5.  Add the element of surprise to your marriage bed.  If the sexual area of your marriage has been a struggle, then ask permission before cooking up something that you think is wonderful that your spouse might not appreciate (Rom.15:1-7).

6.  Be patient with your mate.  Married love demands that we continually grow and learn about one another (see 1Thess.5:14,15)

7.  Beware of bitterness.  Bitterness quenches the fires of romance.  Keep short accounts and ask forgiveness when you fail or if you have become bitter (Eph.4:26-27).

NOTE:  This article came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.