LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

Do you get annoyed when your husband leaves the toilet seat up?

How about when he TAILGATES, does that get to you?

Does he pick his teeth with his finger in front of company?

Do you enjoy those SHAVINGS all over the bathroom counter from cleaning his shaver?

Does he make a joke when you are saying something serious?

The questions above are marital ISSUES that I hear about a lot while counseling wives.

In marriage, there will  be things that will occur which will get you angry.

At those moments, you will FEEL like taking a swing or totally giving up in your marriage.

Even if the violation isn’t a big deal, it’s just the thought of having to deal with the same issues over and over again.

Many times I will listen to wives who are tired of being married to men who are great but their wife is just tired of the “small stuff.”

God knows that and he has us covered.

Let’s look at 1Pet.4:8 to get God’s instruction to understand.

1Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent love among yourselves: for love shall cover the multitude of sins.”

The word COVER implies “to hide from view.”

This doesn’t mean for you to ignore the sin, it means you cover it.

Cover is the definite action of concealing the existence of something by obstructing the VIEW of it.

When we respond in love to our spouse, we prevent the development of sin.

DIVINE love is not seeing sin in a person and then shutting our eyes to it.

Divine love makes us care for our spouse and helps us to seek the good of our partner.

In James 5:20, our focal point needs to be for restoration and recovery.

“Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” (Jas. 5:20)

Take action to RESTORE your spouse by covering any multitude of sin and violations against you.

Love doesn’t cover all sin because there is a “sin unto death.”

Love does cover a multitude of sin but there is a large quantity of sin that it does NOT cover.

I have learned from the years of being married, that I SHOULDN’T make a big deal out of everything that goes wrong.

I have learned that the more I let go, the more peace and power of the Holy Spirit I see in our marriage.

Also, one of the main benefits is that I am being a testimony to my CHILDREN.

My goal in life is to not quench the precious Holy Spirit in my life and marriage.

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

Is having a toilet seat down that important?

NOTE:  Tomorrow is another new post with great marriage tips.

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

STEPS TOWARDS A

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
2. Be the person God intended you to be.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
5. Don’t condemn yourself.
6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
7. Forgive yourself.
8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
12. Choose realistic goals.
13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
18. Build up those around you.
19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  More marital encouragement on tomorrows post.

NOTE:  Some comments for this post was taken from the book, Perfect in His Eyes, by Kay Marshall Strom

WHAT IS BUGGING YOUR SPOUSE?

 One of the things that really bug’s a wife is that her husband never asks for directions when he is lost.

And a big AMEN from me!  Lol!!!

Well wives I have an eye opener for you, us wives need directions also.

How many times are you totally OFF TRACK in your thinking, but you don’t ask for help.

David wrote in Psalms 23 that the LORD is His shepherd.

David was a shepherd and he knew how VITAL it was to keep his sheep from straying and he protected them from thieves and wild animals by forfeiting his own life.

YAHWEH ROI is the one true shepherd for His people.

 “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

For his name’s sake.”  (Psalm 23:1-3)

God gently, through His precious Holy Spirit, brings you back when you wander from God’s way of righteousness.

When you are going through DARK times in your marriage, He is there constantly caring for you.

He watches over you night and day because we are like sheep, when we are vulnerable, we start to panic.

CASE AND POINT:  My father-in-law (who lived with us for 17 years), my aunt (my mothers sister who I was very close to), and my mother and father, all died within a year and a half.  It is said that it takes about 2 years to get over the death of a family member.  I didn’t get 2 year intervals to finish mourning before another death was to be dealt with.

I can testify that God truly “restored my soul” and our family was able to deal with grief and gain supernatural strength to stay focused on Jesus during our ordeal.

Scripture tells us that without Christ, we have no direction.

Without Christ you cannot CONTROL your attraction to sin, or your selfish nature.

How can you keep your spiritual life on course without Christ.

Jesus is called the “Lamb of God” and the “Good Shepherd.”  He became a part of the flock like us by laying down His life.

Because Jesus was the Lamb of God, we can truly live.

Do you let your fears dictate to you how to respond to the issues of life?

YAHWEH ROI, our LORD the Shepherd, has left us His promises.

Psa.23:4 “Even though I walk

Through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

For you are with me;

Your rod and your staff,

They comfort me. 

Is the devil lying to you that your marriage is not going to make it?

Does he tell you that you are missing out on LIFE?

Are you afraid of what you will do if something happens to your spouse?

Fear is powerful and it will push you into the WRONG path.

Insecurity and anxiety will overwhelm you if you let fear shape your behavior and choices.

Stay on the right path as you allow the Holy Spirit to DIRECT your marital life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DREAMS COME TRUE FOR ME

Friday, June 27, was our anniversary, 57 years together!  Yesssss!!!  We met when I was 15 and he was 16 years old.  A few months after I turned 16 we started dating.  It seems like yesterday.  Where did almost 61 years go?

My older brother (10 months older than me) was in a band with Richard.  When I met my husband and the more I got to know him, I thought he was the nicest guy I had ever met.  I remember telling my brother that if I ever had a boyfriend like Richard, I would do everything to make it work.  He was very polite and courteous.  We were friends for about 3 months and went places with my brother and other friends.

Then one day he let me know that he liked me.  I was a little upset because it took him so long to let me know.  He told me that my brother told him I didn’t like guys to flirt with me.  Which was true.  He then told him not to ask me out or I would probably quit talking to him.  I told my brother that I was talking about his other friends but not Richard.   This was in 1965.

We were married four years later.  It was the greatest day of my life.  My father, who had abandon my mother and me, along with my five brothers, never showed up to the wedding.  I waited in the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle and when I realized he wasn’t coming, I asked my little brother to walk me down.  I didn’t care because I knew I was marrying the greatest man I had ever met and he loved me.  It was in 1969 that I married my best friend and the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

  Life has not been problem free, but we have been committed to each other every day of our married life.

I give God all the honor and glory because He has been the lover of our soul.  Without Him we are nothing and can do nothing.

Yes, dreams do come true with the leading of the Holy Spirit.  IT HAPPENED TO ME!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help our marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION AND ANSWER

Question #1.  How are forgiveness and romance related?

Answer #1.  

There’s nothing worse than lying in the darkness, back-to-back, and fuming about some petty argument.  Satan is out to destroy marriages, and one of his best tools is unresolved conflict.  No wonder Paul urged believers: “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph.4:32).

How did Christ forgive us?  By laying down His life.  He didn’t wait until we apologized.  He took the initiative to forgive.  I should do the same, even when I feel my husband is clearly in the wrong.  Sometimes it is much easier for me to see only what he did wrong than it is for me to admit my part in the conflict.

When conflict arises, I must resist my tendency to run from the confrontation and, instead, run towards forgiveness.  I must choose to listen, to imagine how my husband feels, and to pray for wisdom, understanding, and God’s help to work it all out.

Seek help from a Christian counselor if needed.  But for the sake of your marriage, forgive, “not…up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt.18:22).  Allow Christ to use His resurrection power to heal and restore your marriage.

Forgiveness guards our hearts from bitterness and creates fertile soil in which romance and love can grow.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

IS YOUR MARRIAGE SHAKY?

  If we look at the statistics for a lasting marriage, our hopes seem dim.

There is about a 50% chance that our marriage will not make it.

God doesn’t go by statistics nor does he worry.

Our LORD is the “rock” and He represents steadfast faithfulness, protection and permanence.

Psa.144:1 “Praise the LORD my Rock,

who trains my hands for war

my fingers for battle.”

“The LORD my Rock” in Hebrew is YAHWEH TSURI.

The Hebrew word Tsuri is translated “rock”.

Was there ever a time in your life when you felt very vulnerable?

When you cried out for HELP did God hear your cries?

In 1Samuel, Hannah cried out to God for a child and when that child was born she gave God a great prayer of praise.

1Sam.2:2 “…there is no Rock like our God.”

When you pray, YAHWEH TSURI is the God who you can always count on.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember the day that my dad abandoned our family when I was thirteen.  I was fearful and could not sleep at night.  Fear of someone coming in and hurting our family overcame me.  Since there was no one to protect us, I slept in the closet hoping that an intruder would not find me.   It took a few months, but eventually my mother moved to a better neighborhood and I adjusted to the fact that my dad wasn’t coming back anytime soon.

Psa.144:2 “He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold  and my deliverer…”

Confess to God if you have a habit of worrying which will hinder you from trusting God.

Is something shaking your CONFIDENCE that you are facing today?  Is it in your marriage?  Trouble in your home?

Keep your focus on Jesus no matter how devastating life may seem.

Are you looking at the circumstances around you and are becoming very disturbed?  This can rip into your marriage.

Build your life and your marriage on the word of God.

Remember, YAHWEH TSURI is the rock that spoke to the Israelites.

No matter what beats against your house or your marriage, remember that your foundation is securely built on the rock.

Keep in mind that blessings come not by wishing but by YIELDING to the Holy Spirit that is within you and he is there to guide you.

Decide to partner with God to build a better marriage by sticking to Gods commandments, staying in His word and spending more time in prayer.

When life begins to shake and crumble around you, the LORD who is the eternal Rock will be there to give you strength and rest.

Jesus was the spiritual rock that was with God’s people in the desert.

1Cor.10:4 “And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ.”

You are a living stone with Christ as the cornerstone.

1Pet.2:4-8 “…I lay in Sion a chief cornerstone, elect, precious: and he that believeth on him shall not be confounded…a rock of offence..”

You have security in Christ!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DOES YOUR SPOUSE OFFEND YOU?

An oxymoron is conjoining contradictory terms (as in “deafening silence”).

How do you have “great peace” in marriage?

We always turn to God’s word for our answers to marital or any other problems.

Psa.119:165 KJV “Great peace have they which love the law: and nothing shall offend them.”

A woman can take wounds from a friend and be ready to patch things up but when it comes from her spouse, she BLEEDS to death.

When a friend offends, it is iron sharpening iron, but when the husband does, the sparks will fly.

Why is it that a woman can act REASONABLE with strangers yet become easily offended with her husband?

This happens when we do not apply Gods word to our life.

Live by Gods word and you WON’T be so offended by your spouse.

The result of love for God and His word is “great peace.”

When you are obedient to God’s word, it will keep you from being offended from any person, especially your spouse.

Phil.4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

God demands that we do not offend our spouse but he also demands that we live free from not being offended by any one.

In Judges 6:24, Gideon built an altar to the LORD and called it “…the LORD of peace…” , YAHWEH SHALOM.

SHALOM is a Hebrew word which implies “peace”.

If there is any pattern in your life or marriage that keeps you from experiencing God’s peace, confess it to God.

God desires to free you from spiritual OPPRESSION.

The peace we long for in our marriage can only come from God.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that peace comes from having a PERFECT relationship.

Practicing the presence of God is the only way to have real peace.

What has caused you to be so BUSY that you have not practiced Gods presence or you are not seeking His face?

What is making you frustrated and anxious?

What is STEALING your peace?

Have you corroded your faith because of compromises you have made?

Cry out to God and he will DRAW you into His presence.

Confess any lack of faith in God to bring peace to your marriage.

To be at peace with God, your spouse and yourself , live in the presence of God through the POWER of the Holy Spirit.

Call on the name of Jesus!!

Fighting the “good fight” and loving it.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHERE’S OUR MARITAL “ZING?”

 God calls a marriage union his “holy institution” in Malachi.

Mal.2:11 “…For Judah has profaned the LORDS holy institution which He loves…”

The word “holiness” in the bible refers to something that is separated and sacred.

Holiness involves you separating yourself from sinful attitudes.

You can’t separate yourself from sinful people or a sinful world, but you have been liberated from sins grip.

Lev.19:1-2” The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: “Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.”” 

God was called QEDOSH YISRAEL, which in Hebrew means “Holy One of Israel”.

The people of Israel became “holy” because God chose them to be set apart.

In every relationship, the Israelites were to reflect their devotion and commitment to God by displaying and honoring His character.

God’s holiness involves absolute hostility towards sin and not just separation from sin.

Holiness involves Gods love, mercy, knowledge, goodness, justice and power.

The Holy Spirit enables you to imitate Christ’s holiness if you are a believer.

God’s presence is overpowering and when we are in His midst we will immediately see our sin.

God wants to reveal to us areas in our marriage that are falling short of His holiness.

There are times in our Christian walk when we feel our marriage dry up and our relationship with God dry up.

We start to drift as troubles mount and pleasures start to entice us.

Does it seem like your heart has grown empty and cold?

Do you wonder what happened to the “zing” that was once there?

Are you starting to slip back into old sinful habits and patterns?

Without holiness, no one will see God.

Heb.12:14 “Follow after peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.”

Be fully awake to God’s life within us with a passionate commitment.

Are you hanging out with anyone who is sexually immoral?

Are you listening to anyone who is greedy and selfish?

Are you staying clear from all idolaters and slanderers?

Don’t be influenced by a drunkard!

I will end with Leviticus 19:1-4, 9-18 for you to read what the Israelites were told what holiness is and what God expected of them:

The Lord said to Moses, “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.”

’Each of you must respect his mother and father, and you must observe my Sabbaths.  I am the LORD your God.

“’Do not turn to idols or make gods of cast metal for yourselves. I am the LORD your God…

“’When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest.  Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen.  Leave them for the poor and the alien.  I am the LORD your God.

“’Do not steal.

“’Do not lie.

“’Do not deceive one another.

“’Do not swear falsely by my name and so profane the name of your God.  I am the LORD.

“’Do not defraud your neighbor or rob him.

“’Do not hold back the wages of a hired man overnight.

“’Do not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block in front of the blind, but fear your God.  I am the LORD.

“’Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.

“’Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life.  I am the LORD.

“’Do not hate your brother in your heart.  Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.

“’Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.  I am the LORD.’”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

JEALOUSY IS PAINFUL

Unfaithfulness in a marriage emotionally cuts to core of our heart.

It affects everyone around mainly close friends and family.

Children never recover and have to live with rejection and distrust.

Have you ever asked God why this is experienced here on earth?

We know that because of Lucifer we all live in a wicked and immoral world.

One of the things I experienced was Gods tender understanding after I became a member of his family.

God understands because he is God, EL KANNA, a jealous God who loves us completely.

CASE AND POINT:  Before I became a Christian, I was extremely jealous.  I had no reason to be, but it was deeply embedded in my heart.  I felt like I had nothing: no looks, no intelligence, no personality, no money and no father.  I was jealous of everyone.  I just wanted to be everyone else.  When I got married, I felt like I didn’t deserve such a wonderful man.  I thought if anyone new what a great man I was married to, everyone would want him.  My husband has never done anything to make me jealous or suspicious.  This jealousy had nothing to do with my husband, it had to do with my insecurities.  Thank God when I got saved it was the first thing God dealt with.  He showed me that He had a place in heaven for me with my name in it.  I was going to heaven, a privileged place for those he handpicked to be with him.   I felt the jealousy melt as I realized God is “fair” and “just.”  Once in a great while, jealousy “rears its ugly head” and I say, “Find another sucker.  I am a child of the King.”  I suffered with jealousy for 26 years.  JEALOUSY NO MORE!!

We read in Gods word that he is a jealous God but it is a different kind of jealousy.

Ex.34:14 “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, (EL KANNA) is a jealous God.”

God is a jealous God who cannot endure unfaithfulness.

Joseph Addison, an English poet said, “Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves.”

God wants us to equally return his passion and he will not be satisfied till we do.

Have you asked God for His grace to stay faithful to your spouse and to be faithful to God regardless of outside pressures or temptations?

Remember that your marriage is His “Holy Institution” and he desires that you be faithful to the end.

In order to live peaceably, be tolerant of your spouse and respect each other’s differences.

Deut.4:23-24 “Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God…For  the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God (EL KANNA). 

When scriptures portray God as a consuming fire, it shows his divine anger against the sins of men and nations.

When we oppose our marital vows, God views us as a sinful terrorist to His “Holy Institution”.  You now have to deal with ESH OKLAH, God the consuming fire.

When our love for God and obedience to His marriage treaty are respected he becomes a “wall of fire” to protect and deliver us.

Zech.2:5 “I myself will be a wall of fire around it, declares the LORD…”

Gods consuming fire shows his holiness, and his purpose to restore the proper relationship with us.

Remain faithful to both relationships: God and spouse.

You have made a vow and covenant.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MARRIAGE UNDER ATTACK

A red flag often serves as a warning signal and is widely used as a bad weather warning.

A red flag weather warning can save many LIVES.

In the O.T. they used banners to warn the Jews that they were being attacked and had to get ready for battle.  The banners were place strategically as a rallying point so that the troops could see them before a battle.

When our marriage is under attack, we need to call out to God, YAHWEH NISSI.

Moses built an altar and called it YAHWEH NISSI that means“The LORD is my Banner.”

GOD intervened to make the Israelites victorious over their enemy after crossing the Red Sea.  This was their first battle

Ex.17:8-16  “For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD.  The LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation.”

As you face spiritual battles of any kind you will be confident in the Lords protection and power.

Do you try to fight your own battles with your own strength?

Use the power of God’s strength as you fight many battles on your way to the promised land: HEAVEN.

God alone, YAHWEH NISSI, gives you victory no matter how fierce the enemy.

CASE AND POINT:  Many years ago my husband and I went to the Ronald Reagan Library.  There was an array of articles that had so much history attached to them.  At one part of this museum stood a section of the Berlin Wall that was donated to the Library.  This was the wall that divided East Germany from West Germany.  When the wall came down, the world cheered because now the people in East Germany were free.  We were able to purchase a tiny piece of this wall which hangs in my husbands office.  The people who now gained their freedom were left to face an enormous battle.  These people now had to adjust into other European countries in order to survive which was a very hard and long process.

This is exactly what happened to the Jews while crossing the Red Sea and trying to get to their promise land.  They encountered their first battle with the Amalekites, which resulted in victory for the Israelites.

As you may be facing many marital battles coming against your marriage, don’t neglect to hold up the banner of God’s power high.

Has your life been fueled with disappointment and you are now lacking faith?

You must ask God, YAHWEH NISSI, to put a fighting spirit in you for your children.

Ultimately, they need to see you put your trust and faith in a powerful God.

Ask God to wave His banner for your children to see.

1Cor.1:18 “For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.”

Live under the banner of the cross of Christ.

Ask God for help in your life and in your marriage!!!

Raise that “Red Flag”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.