WHAT MAKES YOUR SPOUSE MISERABLE

26 Sep

WHAT MAKES YOUR SPOUSE MISERABLE

One of the most important needs in your spouse’s life is to feel important and significant!

Lack of significance is a primary source of emotional pain.

The definition of importance is greatness of worth and influence; significant; needed; special.

Eph.2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”

Do you have hindrances that keep you from being yourself?

We all have certain people that we feel comfortable being around.

Those people put us in our comfort zone and we can act whatever way we want and feel we will be accepted and appreciated.

CASE AND POINT:  My husband and I don’t go to all the church activities like picnics, parties, etc.  As soon as we walk in, things go a little quiet and we feel that everyone becomes uncomfortable.  I want to tell them not to be uncomfortable because we spill food, trip, call people by the wrong names and burp!

Your spouse will avoid people and situations when there is the risk of failure or rejection just like you would.

That means that your spouse needs your love and encouragement.

Misery will enter your spouse’s life if they feel they have no value, purpose or significance.

God is the one who placed in your spouse a hunger for significance and to be important.

The Holy Spirit is here to fulfill the hunger to be important but God also gave you to your spouse to do that also.

Gods word says that He created a wife for Adam to meet his need for companionship and understanding.

You are his “Helpmeet”!

You are his companion, his cheerleader, and his friendly friend!

And DON’T FORGET IT!!

I didn’t say it!

God said it in Genesis and Malachi 2.

Get out those “pom poms” the game is on!

When Adam fell, it robbed our spouse of their self-worth and he is now on a continual search for significance.

If your spouse’s parents were not lovable or protective of them, your spouses need for significance may be of the utmost importance.

Your spouse will need time to change along with your encouragement, God’s word, and the power of the Holy Ghost.

Christ died for us and exchanged His life for our life.

That is how important you and your spouse are to Him.

He wants you to represent Him to your spouse.

It is your divine appointment!

Don’t miss out on your purpose and significance in life.

It is of the utmost importance!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

REAL ROMANCE

25 Sep

REAL ROMANCE

THIS BOOK WASTES NO TIME in establishing its theme-in verse two the Shulamite woman says, ” Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-for your love is better than wine.” The word love here means sexual love; it is mentioned four times in the book and two times in the first four verses. The idea here is that sexual love is better than any earthly celebration, any earthly party, any earthly drink, anything you can partake of. Sensual, erotic, sexual love is divinely designed to be celebrated between the husband and his wife and in a way where they are not ashamed that they can delight in that pleasure.

Two other significant themes appear in these first few verses. First, the woman says, “Your name is ointment poured forth, therefore the virgins love you”. What she’s saying is that he had a name that was above reproach in the marketplace. All the women knew Solomon. They respected and admired him. I think a man needs to know that his character is crucial if he is interested in seeing his wife respond to him sexually. As you become a man who is devoted to pursuing God, you become a man who is attractive to your wife.

For example, at the heart of godly character is humility. This means being teachable, responsive to God, and quick to admit to mistake and error and ask for forgiveness. A husband who is the opposite-arrogant, stubborn, rebellious-will not be attractive to his wife.

A second lesson appears in verse nine, when Solomon recognizes his bride’s need for affirmation and doesn’t hesitate to go beyond mere acceptance. He lavishes stunning praise on her, “I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots.”

Now, before you try that line on your wife, keep in mind the context! Solomon carefully painted a picture of his finest mare, most likely an Arabian beauty, a dark creature of unquestioned magnificence, the finest horse that money could buy. This exotic creature would have turned heads, maybe even caused a stampede, because of her exquisite beauty.

In other words, Solomon skillfully uses evocative poetic language to tell his wife how magnificent she is. But that’s not all! He quickly adds, “Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with chains of gold”. He not only accepts her and sees her as a woman of great loveliness, but he lavishes jewelry on her to accentuate her beauty.

Husband, when did you last spring for a new bracelet? A necklace? A ring? Like Solomon, you married someone extraordinary. Let her know how greatly you esteem her!

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family, Life, and Marriage Bible

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

A BIBLICAL LOOK AT SEX

24 Sep

A BIBLICAL LOOK AT SEX

We live in a culture today in which sexual sin is both rampant and accepted.  The best way to respond to the cultural attitudes about sex is to remember what the Bible has to say about sex and to make that instruction a part of your marital life and family teaching.

Here is the truth about sex:

God created sex.  Not Hugh Hefner, not Dr. Phil or Dr. Ruth.  Genesis 1:27 tells us, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.  “The creator of the universe stamped and embedded His image within us in a way that is somehow mysteriously tied to our sexuality.

Christians often get portrayed as backward, narrow-minded prudes.  But sexual intercourse in marriage glorifies God.  God felt no embarrassment when Adam and Eve had intercourse in the garden.  He didn’t put His hand over his eyes and shame them with a curt, “Now, cut it out!  I didn’t create you to do that!”  No, God designed the equipment and He blessed the union.  When God made them male and female, He called it “very good” (Gen.1:31).

Sex is for procreation in marriage. God created sex so that we can reproduce after our own kind. Genesis 1:28 tells us that God blessed the man and the woman and commanded them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.

Sex is for intimacy in marriage. Genesis 4:1 says, “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived a son and bore Cain. “When it says that Adam “knew” Eve, it doesn’t mean he shook her hand. He had sexual relations with his wife, and she conceived. God intended us to become one flesh to draw us together. It’s a wonderful aspect of sex.

Sex is for pleasure in marriage. God approves of appropriate gestures of love, romance, and pleasure within marriage. Consider Proverbs 5:19: “As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated with her love.” God said it. He also wrote an entire book of the Bible about sexual love in marriage, the Song of Solomon.

Obviously, God is not down on sexual pleasure in marriage. On the contrary, that is the only kind of sexual pleasure He sees as good and blesses!

NOTE:  This article is from the book: Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainy

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

MARRIAGE CANNOT SURVIVE BEING STUBBORN

23 Sep

 MARRIAGE CANNOT SURVIVE BEING STUBBORN

Your marriage cannot survive without flexibility because it does not allow your spouse to have freedom of expression.

Flexibility is a MUST for every marriage.

In the world, the United States has the highest divorce rate and the women file for divorce twice as much as the men.

One of the reasons is that many women are STUBBORN and demand their own way.

The word “stubborn” appears 28 times in the bible and the word “stiff-necked” about 19 times.   Stiff-necked also means stubborn.

Until stubbornness is overcome, your marital relationship will suffer.

“…stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD… “  1SAM.15:23

In God’s eyes, a stubborn wife is as guilty as anyone who worships Satan.

If you are being narrow minded, you are having YOUR own way without regard to your spouse’s ideas or feelings.

Wives, be careful to make sure you are obeying your husband, whether he is right and spiritual or not.

Divorce is an epidemic and STUBBORNNESS is an issue of the heart.

Jer.17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”

The bible warns that being inflexible to your spouse is folly.

Do you see your IDEAS from their perspective?

Can you listen to your spouses remedies to solve problems in a new and  different way?

Do you ever let your spouse know that you appreciate and understand their VIEWPOINT?

How can you arrive at an agreement or judgment if you have an inflexible perspective.

Is your thinking, attitude and perspective RIGID?

You are leaving your spouse with a feeling of rejection when you say, “I am right and you are wrong.”

The stress you experience in your life is due to inflexibility and your inability to accept change.

When you are flexible you will experience many twists and turns, ups and downs, and uncertainties.

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I were asked to be missionaries in England during the early 80’s it was spiritually dead.  We gave up our house, business, furniture along with friends and family to be in the will of God.  Anything and everything we owned had to fit into four suitcases.  As we sat on the plane headed for Manchester, I turned to my husband and asked him what his plan was for building a church in England.  I had given up all my Tupperware and expensive pots and pans we had received as marriage gifts so I was expecting a divine plan to come out of his mouth.  Lol!!  This was his response, “I don’t have a plan.  We will get there and see what happens.”  At that moment I spiritually matured about 40 years.  My spiritual hair turned gray.  I realized I had to be flexible and trust in God.  It worked.  It was definitely one of the highlights of my spiritual life.  I thank God everyday that my husband was sensitive to the Holy Spirit and flexible enough to give up his life to go.

To be flexible, there must be a willingness to take RISKS.

Life is not about survival but about enjoyment in the Holy Ghost.

Your spouse’s different opinion does not make them the ENEMY.

A different opinion is a source of wisdom, knowledge, understanding and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Flexibility is the GIFT that keeps on giving.

Your marriage is worth it.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage survive.

NEEDS YOUR SPOUSE NEEDS

22 Sep

NEEDS YOUR SPOUSE NEEDS 

There are human NEEDS that your spouse cannot live without.

One of the needs that we cannot live without is security.

The definition for security is FREEDOM from fear, anxiety, danger and doubt.

Security ASSURES safety, protection against attacks, and certainty with trust.

Prov. 31:11 “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

This man in proverbs doesn’t fear of his wife betraying his secrets.

Does your husband ASK for your advise and confidence on important matters?

Does he have complete trust in you?

There is no other JOY a wife can experience that counts more than to be trusted.

When you are trusted, it brings inspiration to work hard for your husband and family.

Marriage THRIVES where there is honor and respect.

Are you held in high honor as this Hebrew wife?

In Gen.24:14,  Eliezer PRAYED to God as he was looking for a wife for Abraham’s son.  Eliezer told God to let it be the woman who offers to water his camels.

That meant that to water his camels would take over 200 gallons of water.

Can you imagine offering to carry 200 gallons of water to water camels of a total stranger?

That was no small TASK.

It took a servants heart like Rebekah’s to complete a task this hard.

Rebekah was beautiful but there was a lot more to her than just a beautiful FACE.

If she could make such sacrifices of herself to a total stranger than what service will she bring to a man she is committed to through marriage.

When we are feeling INSECURE we look for someone to make us feel secure.

The natural place for us to look for that security is in our spouse.

Have you ever looked to your spouse for security and been very DISAPPOINTED?

Disappointment leads to anger.

Only God can give us that COMPLETE feeling of security when we are grounded in a secure relationship with Him.

Deut.33:12 “Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”

CASE AND POINT:  Years ago I heard on the news about someone who went bungee jumping.  They were having a great time till one of them jumped and realized that they forgot to tie the other end of the cord onto something secure.  They were concentrating on making the one end of the cord very secure on the person jumping.

In order for something to be secure, it needs to be tied to something that is immovable.

Psa.16:8 “I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.”

God is the only one who can take you from insecurity to security and blessings.

As a spouse, we need the Holy Spirit in our marriage to bring that security that our spouse desperately needs in their life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TEN FACTORS TO IGNITE YOUR MARRIAGE

21 Sep

  TEN FACTORS TO IGNITE YOUR MARRIAGE

1.  Try to understand your mate:  

“Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established” (Prov.24:3).

2.  Be reasonable in your expectations of each other:  

“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another” (Rom.12:10).

3.  Do not criticize each other publicly:  

“Let us not therefore judge one another any more, but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way” (Rom.14:13).

4.  Be comrades in a common cause:  

“They twain shall be one” (Matt.19:5).

5.  Talk it over:  

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord,.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Col.3:18,19).

6.  Keep up the love pattern:  

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the  floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” (S.of S.8:7).

“Husbands love your wives” (Eph.5:25).

“Teach the young women…to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4).

7.  Treat your partner with courtesy:

“Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph.4:32).

8.  Be loyal to each other:

“Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom.13:10).

9.  Practice the golden rule of wedded love!

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matt.7:12).

10.  Take Christ into your home:  

“If any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him and he with Me” (Rev.3:20).

NOTE:  This article was taken from plymouthbrethren.org.  The article was titled “Emotional Factors In Christian Marriage” submitted by H. E. Kay, M.D. on 4/2/28.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NO ESCAPE CLAUSES IN MARRIAGE

20 Sep

 NO ESCAPE CLAUSES IN MARRIAGE

“Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.  John 13:1

If your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can be more daunting with each passing day.

But marriage is not a contract with convenient escape clauses and selfish exception wordings.

Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal.

There’s no going back.

There’s no opting out.

There’s nothing in the world that should sever what God has joined together.

Your love is based on a covenant.

And your covenant is based on the unchanging character of a covenant-keeping God.

The prophet Malachi wrote that one reason God withholds His blessing is that He hates divorce and is angered when husbands deal treacherously with their wives, breaking the covenant they made (Malachi 2:16).

Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me, and we’ll see if it works out.”

But realizing it as a covenant changes it around to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”

Questions

Have you committed to your marriage for life?

Could you remind your spouse of your lifelong covenant with them?

Why not renew your love in a creative way?

NOTE:  This article is from the book, “The Love Dare – Day by Day authored by Kendrick

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.