LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

DISCOMFORT ZONES IN MARRIAGE

CASE AND POINT:  Have you ever gone to the doctors office for something and then you hear the words, “This is going to cause you some discomfort.”  All of a sudden they stick you with something that hurts so bad your eyes bulge out.  One time at the doctor’s office they told me to count to ten and the discomfort would be over.  Well, it didn’t take, so they had to do it over again.  After another set of counting to ten while I was in excruciating pain which they called “discomfort”, I was told we would have to “Try it again one more time.”  She said, “I can’t put you through anymore pain so if this doesn’t take, I am going to stop.”  I won’t keep you in suspense, it “took” the third time and the counting to ten stopped.  I never returned for any more poking and pulling.  I don’t believe the doctors anymore when they call something “discomfort.”  That bottle should read, RED HOT!

From time to time, discomfort will enter our marriage.

This “discomfort zone” is never fun or easy and many times cannot be avoided.

The reason why is because it is a disruption in your body or mind.

Whenever there is disruption in our regular and consistent electrical chemical balance, it will result in discomfort.

When this occurs in my marriage, I always try to identify what the root of the problem is.

Sometimes the root might be my children, finances, etc.

At other times, it just might be my own selfishness!

What ever the cause of the discomfort, I know that I just need to connect with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Then you can be free from the chains of toxicity and fear attitudes.

There will be a quickening and awareness because our brains are made to respond to information.

• If the information is good and based on LOVE, wisdom will be further developed.
• If the information is negative and FEAR based, chemicals that disrupt thinking are released into the brain, and produce stress.

This is all scientifically explained in Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You.”

This stress manifests itself through worry.

Worry in turn, causes toxic reactions and PHYSICAL illnesses.

Never ignore toxic thoughts because it is real and alive.

Those toxic thoughts KILL your brain cells and physically it looks like black oil was poured over your brain.

The live thought part of your brain becomes dead.

I don’t know about you, but when I start to worry about something, I cannot THINK clearly.

When that happens to you, it is because your thoughts are now toxic.

You can switch it to “love” by the power and presence of God’s spirit.

Discomfort is a signal to you, to switch to the” love path.”

If you don’t, the damages could be irreversible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FEARS CREEP INTO YOUR MARRIAGE

FEAR is a powerful emotion!

Fears destruction tries to dominate our thoughts and cause us to react to situations that will never happen.

In Christina Leaf’s book, “A Gift Within You”, she has an array of information on how the brain works.

Although this book is not on marriage, it’s information can give you so much insight into your marriage to help you realize that scientifically, it is your choice to “live in love” or “live in fear.”

We usually handle fear in one of three ways:

• You may try to control fear with reasoning and evaluation, or
• You may allow toxic thoughts to dominate you as it throws your body into stress, or
• You might make it even worse through wrong reasoning.

Your “toxic thoughts” will create “toxic fruit” in your marriage.

Scientists call this a “learned” fear because it is not a natural part of how we were created.

God called us and has equipped us to “live in love”, but when we don’t, it is a sign that we have surrendered our minds to “toxic thoughts.”

We were created for “love.”

There is another book by Kandal , “In Search of Memory” that explains this issue.

The real pathway for us is the “love” pathway.

Your brain has a choice to turn a thought into FEAR or turn that thought into LOVE.

The “love” pathway evaluates the toxic fear thought, then hands the situation to God and does not fear.

Jas.1:2 (AMP) “Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials or fall into various temptations.”

Remember that a thought has an emotion attached to it: LOVE or FEAR.

This will create an attitude into your marriage; either bad or good.

Job 32:8 “…The breath of the Almighty gives them understanding.”

There is only one thing that we are to fear and that is God.

Heb.11:31 “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Prov.1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Remember that FEAR causes the following thoughts to flow:  hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

Would you like to live with a spouse like that?

NOT ME!

Neither does your spouse!!

Travel the “love” path in your marriage and love will be your guide and your rear guard!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MARITAL LOVE vs. MARITAL FEAR 

Every type of emotion comes from one of two roots:  LOVE or FEAR.

This has been proven scientifically and all the data on it can be found in an awesome book called “A Gift Within” by Carolina Leaf.

All other emotions grow from these.

From LOVE flows: joy, peace, happiness, hope, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, anticipation, compassion, calmness, satisfaction, inspiration, excitement.

From FEAR flows: hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

God gives us the choice as to which thoughts you will be operating in.

You cannot blame your spouse if you choose to have your thoughts operating in a pool of FEAR.

1John 4:18 (AMP)  “There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect), love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror!  For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection)”.

THIS IS AMAZING:  Scientists have found that these two emotions, love and fear, CANNOT COEXIST.

 WHAT IS AMAZING is the fact that God already said that in 1John 4:18, even before scientist discovered it.

1John 4:18 “There is no fear in love…”.

Science shows us that when we operate in love, there is a massive unlearning of negative toxic thoughts.

• The brain releases a chemical called, OXYTOCIN, which melts away negative toxic thoughts.
• This causes re-wiring of new non-toxic circuits.
• When we trust, bond and reach out to others, this chemical also flows.

LOVE literally wipes out FEAR!!

(Book-A Study in the Neuroscience of Love and Hate/ by Lawrence Erlbaum)

How exciting!!  Science has to prove the word of God to the unbelievers.

As you help your spouse or restore your relationship with your spouse, endorphins and serotonins are released.  These chemicals in our body are what make us feel good about ourselves.

• So when we reach out in love, God blesses us.
• He detoxifies our brain and increases our wisdom.
• Don’t be at the mercy of toxic memories.

Remember:  “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.”

Do you have hate, anger and bitterness towards your spouse?

Do you treat your spouse with rage, irritation, and unforgiveness?

Does self-pity, worry, envy and jealousy run through your vains?

Are unkind words in your vocabulary towards your husband?

You DO NOT have to be at the mercy of toxic memories!

Let God detoxify your brain.  JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

A THREE-LEGGED RACE

WHEN AN ANGRY GENERAL, Abner, abandoned the family of Saul to support David as the new king of Israel, he told David, “Make your covenant with me, and indeed my hand shall be with you to bring all Israel to you” (2Samuel 3:12).  David readily agreed because he knew he could use all the help he could get.

So can you, especially in your marriage.  To be successful in marriage, ultimately  both of you must agree to head in the same direction.  The Roman philosopher Seneca said, “You must know for which harbor you are headed if you are to catch the right wind to take you there.”

Among some of my most valued childhood memories, are the family picnics we held every summer.  These were no small get-togethers, but gatherings of all my aunts and uncles along with what seemed like dozens of cousins.  I played all kinds of games with my cousins, including the three legged race, which was everyone’s favorite.  Locked arm in arm and stepping in unison, contestants made rapid progress towards the finish line.  They might stumble and fall, but they always got there faster and more efficiently than if they had been paired facing opposite ways (which we also did sometimes, just for fun).

Marriage is a lot like a three-legged race.  You can run it facing in the same direction, locking arms and trying to stay in step with your partner or you can run the race facing in totally different directions and constantly stumble and fall.  The main question is: Do you want to win?  If so, determine what the real finish line is, lock your arms together, match strides with each other, and run the race as one.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER

NOTE: The following question and answer was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1. What steps can a man take to keep romance alive? Answer #1. No where in marriage are the differences between men and women more evident than on the romance side of the ledger. Women generally spell romance: r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p.

Men spell it a different way: S-E-X.

Typically, a man’s focus is physical while a woman’s focus is relational.

That’s why we married men need to learn how to communicate with our wives in a language that clearly speaks the relational aspect of love and romance.

If you don’t know what this is, find out.

One thing is certain: You need to cultivate romance if it is going to grow in your marriage.

It is easy for a man, after he’s been married for a time, to become complacent, to think he doesn’t have to compete for his wife or need to communicate his love for her in both words and actions, that he no longer needs to romance her.

You could hardly make a bigger mistake.

What would communicate love to your wife?

A love letter?

Then write one!

A hug and a kiss that says I love you?

Do it!!

Helping her at home with the children and household duties?

Go the extra mile!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

DO YOU SEE WHAT GOD SEES?

Scientific studies have proved that your brain is made up of about 100 billion nerve cells – which look like trees.

All through in the bible, God refers to us as trees in many of the verses.

Psa.1:3  “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

Prov.3:18  “She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her…”

The more branches you grow on these nerve cells, the more intelligent you become.

You grow what looks like BRANCHES in your brain as you take in knowledge and store it.

Science has proved that when you are not taking in knowledge, the branches in your brain begin to die.

Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroyed(die) for lack of knowledge”.

When you are able to view your spouse’s gifting, you are now seeing them through Jesus’ eyes.

That is why the question we are asking today is “Do You See What God Sees?” and the answer is “NO”!

If we saw what God sees, we would have more respect for our spouse’s opinion.

If you don’t view your spouse as Jesus sees them, you will want them to CONFORM to your way of thinking.

Your perspective of your spouse becomes distorted because you are now judging and evaluating them according to your view and not God’s handiwork in their life.

In Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You”, she scientifically and through God’s word, explains the brain.

Her book is on the brain, but I recommend it to every married couple because of all the knowledge on the way the brain thinks.

When you take information into your brain, 100 billion neurons have the POTENTIAL to connect 100 trillion times.

That is an incredible capacity for thoughts and intelligence.

In order to understand your husband, you would have to know WHICH way a thought has traveled.

It is impossible for you to know which path of thought your spouse’s brain went down and God doesn’t expect you to know that.

God expects you to be UNDERSTANDING without understanding.

Do you try to change your husband?

Don’t get hung up on trying to improve your spouse’s WEAKNESSES.

Instead, learn to support his strengths.

A wife is a “helpmeet” to expand the husband’s life by taking care of the little details he overlooks.

It is not an opportunity to tell him how dumb he is and how you are tired of his ignorance.

It is time of opportunity for you to make him look good to his family, his friends, his co-workers and acquaintances.

His heart has to “safely trust in you.”

DOES IT?!?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARRIAGE:  GOD’S DIVERSIFIED INVESTMENT

Jer.1:5 (NLT)  “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb”.

Psa.139:13-14 “…you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made…”

GOD LOVES DIVERSITY!!  These verses prove it!!

In Wall Street, “diversified investments” help improve returns and balance the risk tolerance.  With diversified investments, the possibilities of earning higher returns increases with patience.

They put money in a variety of businesses so if one goes down, they have a better chance of the other ones to go up.

According to Forbes, investors with the best diversification can last in the market longer than individuals placing all their money into one investment vehicle.

One of the greatest challenges in marriage is to have a good relationship with your spouse.

Interacting with a spouse who thinks different than you can be frustrating at times.

Your spouse was not neurologically wired to be like you.

Your spouse has unlimited potential just like you do.

Your spouse was designed intentionally.

The purpose of your giftedness, is to celebrate your differences from your husbands.

No two brains think alike and that is what makes us unique.

There are over a trillion different ways in our brains, of processing information.

CASE AND POINT:  Right now all the people that are reading this blog, each one will think about it differently.  Every person who reads this blog, will process the information differently into their brain.  No one else will process it exactly like you.

Psa.139:14 “We are uniquely, fearfully and wonderfully made.”

As your husbands “companion” and “helpmeet”, you become a vital asset in His succeeding to fulfill God’s purpose in his life.

You become a better companion when you see how your husband is uniquely wired.

You must first understand your gift and true-value in Christ to find peace.

As a created piece of the puzzle, you are making a difference.

Your spouse adds value to your life and you add value to your spouse’s life.

When you have trouble understanding a friend or family member, your spouse can help you out by explaining how the other person may feel.

That gives you insight on how to treat other people.

God has such a great system of information and how to get it to each of us.

Your spouse is such a wealth of information to make your lives successful for each other.

Take advantage of their intelligence.

Or do you knock them down and criticize them for their way of thinking?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARITAL PROBLEMS: LIBERTY TO CAPTIVES

What kind of a leader is Jesus and how does my marriage benefit from his leadership?

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I went to speak at our church in the PHILIPPINES , it was my first time in that country.  I was shocked at the poverty there.  It is a country with so many Natural resources.  In contrast we were in Singapore first.  Singapore is vibrant and filled with new technology and industry. It has no natural resources but it is thriving with business.  What make’s the difference is the leaders in those two countries.  The Philippines  has a history of leaders who are not giving back to the country just to them.  While the leaders in Singapore give back to the people of that country plus they give to the growth of the businesses.  Leaders make the difference!

The answer is in Luke 4:18-19.

After Jesus spent 30 years of going to the synagogue and listening to others teach and speak, he finally opens His mouth.

It must be of great importance what Jesus had to say.

What are the important words he wants to speak?

He gives His job description!!!!  He quotes Isaiah 49:9

 Luke 4:18-19  “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,

Because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;

He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted,

To proclaim liberty to the captives and

Recovery of sight to the blind,

To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

Liberty means freedom of choice; personal freedom from servitude or confinement or oppression.

Jesus knew that in our marriage we would have a broken heart that needed MENDING.

Jesus knew that we were sick and blind and needed healing.

Jesus came to break the bonds of captivity.

Acts 10:38  “How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went along doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.”

 The problem—the oppressing power of the enemy!

Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Prior preparation for Liberty

• Desire to be free so you can serve the Lord with a godly marriage.
• Make sure that you are sincere to God and your spouse.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal marital areas of bondage or torment.
• Look over your life (and ancestry) to discover possible doorways.
• Determine to be free no matter what demonic grip may be on you or your marriage.
• Don’t be intimidated by “what others think.”
• Associate liberation with Jesus and freedom.
• Exercise your faith as much as possible in your marriage.
• View this as part of God’s gift to you in Christ Jesus.
• Know this may be the beginning of freedom for your family and offspring.

Reread Jesus’ job description in Luke 4:18-19 and know that this is your job description.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

REACTIONS THAT DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

In life and in our marriage we will have mental, emotional and spiritual sufferings.

These are the crosses that we MUST bare daily.

We must accept various trials as from the “hand of God” for our discipline and purification.

The Apostle Paul said we are to reckon ourselves dead, as no longer existing, having no will apart from God’s will.

There are three reactions we must overcome:

FIRST REACTION:  Pride

Prov. 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

SECOND REACTION: Anger

Prov.16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.”

THIRD REACTION:  Self-pity

Psa.119:28 “My soul melteth for heaviness; strengthen thou me according unto thy word.”

Here are some progressive stages of dying to yourself:

1. Correct your evil habits in your marriage.
2. Stop depending on the feelings of JOY and well-being.

We think that we lose God when we lose our inward joy.

Personal pleasure is not what your moral life of your soul consists of.    It is being in unity with the will of God.

Your marriage lives and thrives by faith and not feelings.

1. Crucifying your reliance on your good virtues (moral excellence), temperance, faith, benevolence (kind acts) is a necessary stage.

Dependence on your personal virtues is a form of SELF.

1. Cease rebelling against the negative marital circumstances of life.

Accept them as from the hand of God in order to crucify SELF.

Receive these negative issues with CHEERFULNESS.

1. The natural man is crucified on the cross and now you proceed to a life in union with God and your spouse.

There should be harmony between your will and Gods divine will which results in becoming ONE.

The Apostle Paul said, “I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me.”

Don’t think you can react to your spouse anyway you want and advance in your relationship with God.

You don’t advance in Christ till your soul is transformed.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

ARE YOU A WIFEZILLA?

Even though every bride prepares her wedding plans and tries to avoid any problems, it doesn’t always turn out the way she desires.

In Isaiah, the verse expresses the anticipation of the bride as she prepares herself and puts on the FINEST of finishing touches.

Isa.61:10 “I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,

My soul shall be joyful in my God;

For He has clothed me with the Garments of salvation,

He has covered me with the robe of Righteousness,

As a bridegroom decks himself with Ornaments,

And as a bride adorns herself with Her jewels.”

Every bride has a story that happened on her wedding day that caused her to be a “bridezilla.”

CASE AND POINT:  I have two stories that happened on my wedding day.  We were married in 1969 when girls wore thick false eyelashes.  On the morning of my wedding, I had my eyelashes on the counter ready to put on, my maid of honor was so nervous, she got glue all over my eyelashes and I could not get it off.  I was so mad at her and she was upset that I wasn’t a nervous wreck like her.  It was so funny, not then but now.  The second thing was that my dad never showed up to give me away.  He had left my mom when I was 13 years old.  This was almost seven year later, and he told me he would be there.  After waiting for him, the priest said we had to start the ceremony or not get married.  I asked my younger brother to walk me down the aisle.  I know that incident sounds somewhat tragic but I was just so excited to be marrying the best man in the world.  I was the happiest girl alive that day!

On a brides wedding day, she thinks nothing will ever happen to separate her from her spouse.

You feel like no matter what problems come your way, you will make it through because of the LOVE you have for each other.

Statistics show that 50% of first time marriages don’t make it past the first five years.

What happens when a wife becomes a “wifezilla” after the wedding is over?

This can happen real quick!

Do you let the CHILDREN get in the way of your marriage?

Most couples divorce over finances.

Do you find yourself FIGHTING over finances?

Eph.5:33 “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

This verse in Ephesians is Gods marriage treaty.

Husbands are to LOVE their wives and wives are to respect their husbands.

There is a book called “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich, that dissects this verse.

This book explains about the “Crazy Cycle.”

When the wife doesn’t want to “respect” her husband, then he doesn’t want to show her “love” by doing the things she wants.

This cycle goes on and on while the marriage goes no where and no one is happy or satisfied.

This is not Gods PLAN for a godly marriage.

Get off the “wifezilla” list because it is time to show the maturity of Christ in your life and in your marriage.

Put on your bridal jewels and show your husband that you are a woman to be cherished!

“I am my beloved’s.”  Song of Solomon 7:10 KJV

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.