Archive | Uncategorized RSS feed for this section

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 2

25 Nov

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 2

Fifth Key :  Never retire for the night angry with each other.

“Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.  “Eph.4:26.  “Confess your faults one to another.” Jas.5:16.  “Forgetting those things which are behind.”  Phil.3:13.  “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Eph.4:32.

To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous.  Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life.  This is why God says to let anger cool before retiring at night.  Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, “I’m sorry.”  After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it.  Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together.  God suggests it!  It works!

Sixth Key :  Keep Christ in the center of your home.

“Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psa.127:1.  “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Prov.3:6.  “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:7.

This is the greatest rule.  It really covers all the others.  Put Christ first!  The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, union with Christ.  Hearts filled with Christ’s love can never be very far apart.  With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful.  The gospel is the cure for all marriages that are filled with hatred, bitterness, and disappointment.  It prevents thousands of divorces by miraculously restoring love and happiness.  It will save your marriage, too, if you are willing.

Seventh Key :  Pray together.

“Pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matt.26:41.  “Pray one for another.” Jas.5:16.  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally.” Jas.1:5

Pray aloud for each other!  This is a wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream.  Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom–for the solution to problems.  God has given a personal guarantee that He will answer.  The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right.  No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God’s help.

Eighth key :   Agree that divorce is not the answer.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matt.19:6.  “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matt.19:9.  “The woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth.” Rom.7:2.

The bible is clear.  The ties of marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible.  Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery.  But even then it is not demanded, only permitted.  Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of a moral fall.  Marriage is for life.  God so ordained it when He performed the first wedding in Eden.  Thoughts of divorce as a solution will destroy any marriage.  This is one reason Jesus ruled it out.  Divorce is always destructive and almost never a solution to the problem.  Instead, it creates much greater problems, so it should never be considered.  Torn, frustrated, unhappy, twisted lives almost inevitably follow divorce, and even success in life itself is often thwarted.  God instituted marriage to guard people’s purity and happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to evaluate their physical, mental, and moral nature.  Its vows are among the most solemn and binding obligations that human beings can assume.  To lightly set them aside results in removing one’s self from God’s favor and blessing.

Ninth Key :   Keep the family circle closed tightly.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Ex.20:14.  “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Prov.31:11,12.  “The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously.” Mal.2:14.  “Keep thee from the evil woman…Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids…Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?…So he that goeth in to his neighbor’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.” Prov.6:24-29.

Family intimacies must never be shared with others–not even with parents.  It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule.  A third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife.    Solve your home problems privately.  No one else (except your minister or marriage counselor) should ever be involved.  Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets from each other.  Tell no jokes at the expense of your spouse’s feelings.  Vigorously defend  each other, and strictly exclude all intruders.  And as for adultery (in spite of what some marriage counselors say), it always hurts  you and everyone else involved.  God, who knows our mind, body, and emotional structure (and knows what helps or hurts us) says,  “Thou shalt not.”  And when He says, “Don’t,”  we had better not.  Those who ignore His rule will pay the supreme penalty.  So if flirtations have begun, break them off at once, or shadows may settle over  your life that cannot be lifted.

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 1

24 Nov

 KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 1

First key:  Establish your own private home.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen.2:24

God’s rule is specific.  A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment.  Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these.  Then she should inform her relatives and he, his.  They must remain firm no matter who opposes.  Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.

Second key:  Continue your courtship.

“Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.”  1Pet.4:8, RSV. “Her husband…praiseth her.”  Prov.31:28.  “She that is married careth…how she may please her husband.”  1Cor. 7:34.  “Be kindly affectioned one to another…in honour preferring one another.” Rom.12:10

Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life.  Successful marriages do not just happen; they must be developed.  Don’t take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage.  Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart.  Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others.  So spend as much time as possible doing things together.  If you did, you would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm.  Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together.  Don’t overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts.  Surprise each other with little gifts or favors.  Try to “outlove” each other.  Don’t take more out of marriage than you put into it.  Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love.  Given a chance, love always wins.

Third key:  Remember that God joined you together in marriage.

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife…Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  Matt.19:5-6

Has love almost disappeared from your home?  The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this.  Don’t forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy.  He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments).  “With God all things are possible.”  Matt.19:26.  Don’t despair.  God, who places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can easily give you love for each other if you will let him.

Fourth key:  Guard your thoughts–don’t let your senses trap you.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Prov.23:7.  “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife.”  Ex.20:17.  Keep thy heart with al diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”  Prov.4:23.  “Whatsoever things are true,…honest,…just,…pure,…lovely,…of good report,…think on these things.” Phil.4:8.

The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage.  The devil will trap you with thoughts like these:  “Our marriage was a mistake.”  “She doesn’t understand me.”  “I can’t take much more of this.”  “We can always divorce if necessary.”  “I’ll go home to mother.”  “He smiled at that woman.”  Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions.  Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness.  Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a  hill.  Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.

END OF PART ONE:

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

NOTE:  Daily there is new post to help your marriage be a success.

YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER FIRE

23 Nov

 YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER FIRE

Marriages are always under attack because it is a “Holy Institution” according to Malachi.

That is why statistics show that over 50% of marriages end up in divorce court.

For a second marriage statistics show about 74% of marriages do not make it.

John 10:10 “The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy.”  (your marriage)

This is exactly what the devil wants to do to your marriage.

The enemy “fights dirty” against the survival of your marriage.

CASE AND POINT:  In 1983 there was a tragic and fatal boxing story.  It was a Jr. Middleweight bout between Collins versus Resto.  Billy Collins Jr. was from Tennessee and Luis Resto was from Puerto Rico.  Collins had never lost a match and was the favorite to win.  He was to be a contender for the championship.  Collins face was beat so bad that after a few rounds, he was unrecognizable.  He lost the fight to Resto.  When they went to shake hands, it was noticed that Restos glove had a slit in it.  The padding had been removed by someone and that left Collins face to be hit by direct knuckles in every punch.  Collins was left with permanent eye damage in his left iris, which was teared.  Permanently blurred vision.  This rising stars boxing career was finished.  Less than a year later he was DUI and his car crashed and landed in a river, killing him.  Whether it was a suicide or a DUI, he was dead at age 22.

Twenty five years later a documentary was made because the producer wanted to clear Resto’s name and shame for being responsible for the ripped glove.  After days and hours of interviews, Resto could not live with the guilt any longer.  He confessed that there was $23,000 involved in a fixed fight by his trainer.  His padding had been removed from his glove before the fight and cement was placed around the outside gauze of his knuckles.  Plus he was given an enhancer in his water.  Between him and his trainer, it cost the life of an upcoming star.

The devil plays dirty!!!

The devil is :

  • A liar
  • A murderer
  • A sower of discord
  • An adversary
  • Cunning
  • Wicked
  • Malignant – Totally Evil
  • Cowardly
  • A tempter
  • A thief
  • Without principles
  • Proud
  • Deceitful
  • Fierce and cruel
  • Aggressive
  • A destroyer

“For this purpose the Son of God was manifested that he might destroy the works of the devil.”

Your marriage has victory over the devil in Jesus name!

God never uses the devils work to deal with us.

God deals with us on a higher level.

“…neither give place to the devil…”

Paul is saying, “Keep the doors closed!!”

Gen.4:7 “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted?  And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door.”

God was warning Cain that satan was crouched at his door just waiting to control his life.  Cain chose to let jealousy in and ended up murdering his brother.

Eccles.10:8 “…and whose breaketh an hedge, a serpent shall bite him.”

Hedges were planted around houses to keep out dangerous snakes.

Don’t leave spiritual hedges open or you will be bitten!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LISTEN, LEARN, AND LIVE

22 Nov

LISTEN, LEARN, AND LIVE

ALTHOUGH I’VE NEVER HEARD anyone actually ask the question, there are times when I know couples wonder, “What was God thinking when He brought the two of us together?”

Actually, I encourage spouses to pursue this line of thought.  If they do, they might find some relief for their marital troubles.  And I’m not kidding!

God says through Isaiah, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways’, says the Lord.  “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (55:8,9).

God’s thoughts and ways are different from yours, but He wants to make them accessible to you—for your benefit and His glory.  So if you’re wondering, “What was God thinking?”, then I encourage you to labor to find out.  God wants you to learn to think His thoughts after Him, to discover and to walk in His ways.

“But how do I do that?” you wonder.

It’s simple, really.  You train yourself to listen to God in His Word, “Oh, that My people would listen to Me, that Israel would walk in My ways!” (Ps.81:13).  That’s it!  Listen, learn, and live.  In the process, you just may understand what God was thinking when He brought you and your mate together!  His ways are not our ways.

NOTE:  This article was written by Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

21 Nov

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER   

Question #1:  What can I do to rekindle my wife’s desire for romance?

Answer #1:  Use the following top ten list as a place to start.

1.  Hold Hands.  Hold hands while driving, walking, sitting in church, or talking in bed.

2.   Give her a massage.  Give foot rubs, back rubs, neck rubs, or a body massage.

3.   Serve her.  Remember the common courtesies:  opening the door, pulling out a chair for her, etc.

4.   Give her a kiss.  Nibble on the back of her ear or her neck, or just kiss her before leaving for work.

5.   Walk together.  As a couple, go for a walk in the early morning, after dinner, or as the sun sets.

6.   Write something romantic.  Leave notes, letters, poems, cards. and other romantic written messages where she’ll find them.

7.  Go out on a date.  A weekly date without the kids can be a lifesaver.

8.  Prepare a meal.  Have a quiet meal together with candlelight, linger over breakfast, or go on a picnic.

9.   Touch her tenderly.  Use nonsexual touch: hold her, hug her, cuddle with her,  or place an arm around her in public.

10.   Give her flowers.  Deliver, hand-pick, or bring home a single rose.  Tulips are a great second choice!

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR SPOUSES DEEPEST URGE

20 Nov

 YOUR SPOUSES DEEPEST URGE

The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and in your spouse.

Here is a list that will help in finding new ways to make your spouse feel important.

  • Thank him for everything he does and just for being there for you.
  • Be his cheerleader.
  • Take him on a date or getaway without the children.
  • When someone criticizes him, you support him.
  • He wants to be proud to be seen with you so look your best.
  • Be his covering by praying for him.
  • Refrain from giving him the silent treatment.
  • Be respectful even if you are angry.
  • Respect his dignity by not criticizing him in front of others.
  • Watch your words towards him and choose them carefully.
  • Don’t make him feel fearful of being called stupid because he expressed himself freely.
  • Keep yourself in shape and work at it.
  • He is not a mind reader so don’t expect him to be one.
  • Watch TV with him even if it is a program you do not like.
  • When he makes good decisions, compliment him.
  • When he makes bad decisions don’t criticize him.
  • At home or in public, hold his hand.
  • Don’t argue with him over money; Discuss peacefully keeping in mind that he is a hard working man and you are not his mother.
  • Don’t put blame on him when things go wrong.
  • Don’t treat strangers better than you treat him; be courteous.
  • When he says something wrong, give him the benefit of the doubt.
  • When he gets home greet him with a big kiss.
  • Spare him from boring details in a discussion; get to the point.
  • Respond to his sexual gestures.
  • His intelligence is important to him so don’t belittle it.
  • If you have plans, make sure that he has agreed to them.
  • When you do things for him, don’t expect to get a “thank you.”
  • Don’t compare your relatives with his relatives.
  • Be kind to his relatives.
  • Never make him choose between you and his family.
  • If your habits annoy him, work at getting rid of them.
  • Handle him with much care because he belongs to God.
  • When he needs it, help him finish his goals, hobbies and education.
  • Give your husband time to recover when he is in a bad mood.
  • Be a “help meet” to him whenever he needs it even if it is inconvenient for you.
  • When he comes home from work, give him time to unwind.
  • In front of the children, be sure to honor and respect him.
  • When he is tired, keep your conversation brief.
  • Whether he is there or not, brag about him to people.
  • Don’t wear yourself out so when he wants sex, you will be available to him.
  • Allow your husband to be the “head of the house”.
  • Don’t nag or belittle him.
  • Give advice to him in a loving way.
  • Give him specific reasons why you are proud of him.
  • Surprise him with a gift he will really enjoy.
  • When you make a mistake, admit it to him.
  • Don’t make him feel guilty for the time he needs to be alone.
  • Show him you need him in different ways.
  • Forgive him when he offends you.
  • Leave plenty of time to be with him.
  • As often as you can, compliment him.
  • Don’t allow your family members to disrespect him.
  • Stay focused on the things your spouse is doing right.
  • Don’t focus on the things that are going wrong that he does.
  • Be respectful when you talk with him.
  • Look for ways to keep laughter in your conversation
  • Realize that he has feeling also so be gentle.
  • Tell him you like him and you love him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GENUINELY LISTEN TO YOUR SPOUSE

19 Nov

 GENUINELY LISTEN TO YOUR SPOUSE

Genuine listening is one of the highest compliments that you can pay your spouse.

Psychologists, therapists and communication experts often discuss about the great benefits of being a “good listener.”

You can improve your marriage and have a spouse that enjoys to be around you by being a good listener.

Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself:

Do you interrupt your spouse when they are talking?

Do you show any signs of impatience while listening to your spouse talk?

Do you actually hear what they have said?

If you are an “active listener”, then you should practice focusing entirely on what your spouse is saying.

Is this possible?

Listening is a very hard skill to master.

Even communication therapists have trouble going home after a full day at work and have problems listening to their spouse.

Do you stop working and stop watching TV while your spouse is talking?

Do you stop reading and look at your spouse?

All these things are important to your spouse.

Do you fake like you are listening while you are really thinking about something else?

Here is a recipe to make your husband despise you:

** Never listen to him for long.

** Talk incessantly (without end) about yourself.

** If you want to talk while he is talking, don’t wait for him to finish, just bust right in and interrupt him in the middle of his sentence.

If listening to a spouse is so difficult for communication experts, what can you do?

The Holy Spirit can help you be an “active listener.”

This is what our God specializes in and He will let you hear your spouse’s heart even though it never came out of their mouth.

He can help you listen for your spouses unspoken fears and concerns.

God will show you when your spouse is reacting to a hurt or troubling mood.

You will learn how to listen without thinking about how you are going to respond.

God will show you the strengths and abilities of your spouse so you will know how much they will be able to handle.

You must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit who will show you impending trouble.

You serve a God who wants to give you great wisdom.

You can make your spouse feel so good and he will follow you anywhere.

Just give God the opportunity to help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

NEVER SHAME YOUR SPOUSE

18 Nov

NEVER SHAME YOUR SPOUSE

A wife holds great power to make or break her spouse.

Your husbands name is IMPORTANT to him and you need to respect it.

Respect means to consider worthy of high regard; to refrain from interfering.

Respect is both an ATTITUDE and a way of acting and talking.

Do you respect your husband by giving him honor in word and deed?

This would be honoring and recognizing that your spouse has RIGHTS as a husband.

One of those rights is to not do anything that will shame him.

Disrespect and ridicule dishonors your spouse and DEMEANS him.

A wife is commanded to respect her husband.

Eph.5:33 “…The wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Jesus respected his parents even though they were uneducated, common people living a humble life.

Jesus showed respect to little children, lepers, tax collectors, those controlled by demons and for prostitutes.

If your creator can show respect for everyone, whom do you think you are to show disrespect to your spouse?

When you invited Christ into your life, the power of the Holy Spirit was given to you so you can show respect to your spouse and others whom you may feel DON’T deserve it.

1Pet.2:17 “Honor all people (including spouse), love the brotherhood.  Fear God.  Honor the king.”

You respect your spouses name when you respect his property.

Your spouse deserves the right to own and use the things he has WORKED for.

Showing disrespect to your spouse’s property often results in stealing.

Jesus said that he always did what honored his father.

We need to do what always honors our husband.

Behind every great man is an admiring and respecting woman.

A husband usually doesn’t rise above the level at which a wife respects him.

Lift your spouse to the next level that you both deserve to be on.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHAT SHOULD ALL WIVES WEAR?

17 Nov

 WHAT SHOULD ALL WIVES WEAR?

The expression you wear on your face for your spouse is far more important than the clothes you wear to look nice.

Prov.15:13 “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance…”

Smiling makes you more attractive to your spouse.

It is better than walking into your house looking like you are in a  ZOMBIE-like state!

Your spouse will be drawn to your smiling face because people want to figure out what is so good.

Your smile draws your spouse IN.

Smiling lifts the face and makes you appear younger.

It takes more ENERGY to ignore and pretend to be very serious, than it is to smile at your beloved.

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.

Prov.17:22 “A merry heart is good medicine but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

Smiling relieves stress because it prevents us from looking tired and overwhelmed.

STRESS can really show up in our faces.

Your immune function improves possibly because your more relaxed if you smile.

When you smile, it is a NATURAL drug.

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin.  These three make us feel better.

When you smile at your spouse, it makes you more APPROACHABLE.

Your smile is welcoming and your spouse will be more at ease around you.

Your smile to your spouse can be CONTAGIOUS.

Be completely pleased to see your spouse.

It can change your spouse’s mood after a long hard day and it doesn’t cost you anything.

Your secret weapon is your SMILE!!

Smile – it’s the next best thing you can do with your lips.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

MAKING YOUR SPOUSE LIKE YOU

16 Nov

 MAKING YOUR SPOUSE LIKE YOU

There are ways to make your spouse like you and one of them is to be genuinely interested in them.

Morning, noon and night your spouse is interested in HIMSELF.

Phil.2:4 “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  KJV

“Look out for the interest of others and not only for your own personal interest.”  NSB (New Simplified Bible)

Statistics show that it is easier for you to make your spouse a friend in two months by becoming genuinely interested in him than you can in two years trying to get him interested in you.

Spouses, it’s alright to do things for your SPOUSE that requires your time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Listen to what your spouse likes and take them a gift of something they will enjoy.

Listen for CLUES of what your spouse is interested on and initiate a conversation on the topic of his interests.

If you want to know what your spouse is interested in, have a Bar-B-Q and invite your spouse’s friends.  Listen to their conversation and you will learn their favorite topics.

In Meriden, Connecticut, a survey was done to see what subjects adults were most interested in studying.

The result of the study was that their first interest was Health.

The Second interest was in people:

How to understand and get along with people;

How to make people like you; and

How to win others to your way of thinking.

The authors sole purpose of his survey and book was to help readers discover, develop and profit from their physical and mental resources that are dormant and unused assets.

CASE AND POINT:  There was a time in my marriage when I felt like I didn’t have anything of interest to contribute in trying to open communication with my husband.  I decided that the only way I can have a conversation that would prompt his interest was to ask a question on one of his favorite topics.  When I did that, he opened up and kept talking.  I felt like I had really accomplished something in our marriage.

This may seem very hard and strange at first because it takes us out of our “comfort zone.”

It stretches us to talk on a subject that we not only know nothing about but we are also not interested in it at all.

God will bless your EFFORTS.

Anything you do to improve your marriage, the Holy Spirit will get in the middle and anoint it.

It has happened to me over and over again.

Marriage isn’t for babies, it’s for adults.

You will get on the ground and play with a silly toy just to bond with your child and see a smile on their face, yet you don’t take the time to make conversation on a topic your spouse loves.

What are you WAITING for?

I’m glad I didn’t wait.

Don’t lose out on this daily opportunity that won’t come back again because of your PRIDE.

Just ask a widow!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.