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14 Dec


 NOTE:  The following question and answer is from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1.  How can we become friends again after the children are gone?

Answer #1.  

The most important thing you can do is to begin to develop some common interests, some things you enjoy doing together.  Find something to share and make your relationship a priority.  Rediscovering or even rebuilding the common basis that you lost during the years when he spent all day at work and you spent all day with the kids will take time and hard work.

One of you need to take the steps to participate in an activity that the other already is involved in or interested in, so that the relationship can have a chance to grow.  The husband and wife need to reach a compromise, sacrificing their own rights and wishes for the ultimate good of the relationship.

You can also try to uncover a common cause, or a shared mission–some ministry that both of you can passionately support.  Couples across the nation have found their common cause in mentoring younger couples.  They are dedicating part of their lives to teaching others how to make marriages work and how to build godly homes through leading small groups in our HomeBuilders Couples Series.  These can be the best years of your life!


13 Dec


Every human being has a need to be loved.

Your spouse has a NEED in his life to be loved!

Prov.19:22 “What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.”

How do we learn to love?

1Pet.2:18-21 “Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the forward.  For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.  For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye take it patiently?  But if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.  For even hereunto were ye called:  because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps.”

In these verses, we are being told to be good and show love to everyone, even the undeserving.

Do you FEEL that your spouse is undeserving of your love?

God does not feel the way you do; in fact, God commands us as a child of God to love in spite of circumstances.

In your marriage you have to look at every day as a PACKAGE.

You should open up your heart every morning as soon as you wake up, like a package and let love in.

“From the rising of the sun to its setting, let the name of the Lord be praised.”  Psa.113:3

Do you try to fill the day with experiences based on love?

Love doesn’t waste a day!!!

At night you should close up all the loving experiences of the day and put them away in the PACKAGE.

This will help you to forgive any offenses that have been done to you by your spouse during the day.

When a marriage or home is threatened, the basic cause is SPIRITUAL.

The remedy is spiritual, not psychological.

CASE AND POINT:  I worked in downtown Los Angeles for the City of Los Angeles for 13 years.  All those streets have precious memories for me with friends and family since I also always went downtown with my grandmother as a little girl.  As we looked at the tall Occidental Building where my husband worked for a very short time when he was 18, we started to reminisce.  Then I turned to him and asked, “Where did 45 years go to?”  Well that was the wrong thing to say because it spoiled our fun!!  Reality set in and we both had to accept the fact that 45 years did pass in a flash.

YOUR time on earth will pass in a flash also as opportunities to show love to your spouse will pass you by.

I thank God that He intervened in my life with salvation and gave me an opportunity to love people (including my spouse) with His love.

I have had 38 years of boxing up beautiful EXPERIENCES because of Christ being Lord of my life.

As a Christian I have had all those years to show and share Gods love with my spouse.

What about YOU?

Is it hard for you to treat your spouse with the love of God?

Maybe you don’t THINK he deserves it!!

Well, neither do you or I deserve Gods love!

But that is what makes it SWEETER!!

It can be even sweeter to God to see us loving an undeserving spouse.

Don’t wander in CIRCLES like the Israelites in the desert.

You can fill the “need to be loved” for your spouse!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.


12 Dec


One of the main needs in every human beings life is to feel important.

The definition of “importance” means, of great significance or VALUE.

Your spouse needs to feel important!

Earl Wilson said, “If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

The choices you have are that you can either make your spouse feel important or someone else will.

Every human being is important, and God wants them to FEEL important.

Eph.2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”

In His word He says that we are made in the image of God.

It doesn’t get anymore important than that.

Satan lied to Eve and the result was that satan hit her with the second spirit which was inferiority.

INFERIORITY means the feeling of being lowered in position or stature, or value.

In chapter one and two of Genesis God said man was made in his image.

Satan was saying to Eve, “Not only is God lying to you, you are not who you think you are.  You are less value than you think you are.”

The spirit of inferiority told Eve she was inferior.

Don’t you LISTEN when the enemy tells you that you are inferior.

Worse yet, don’t let the enemy tell you that your spouse in inferior.

The moment Eve felt insecure and inferior, she grabbed for something to give her a sense of security and VALUE.

When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, she lost the security (had to leave the garden), and lost value (no longer the image of God).

When your spouse feels insecure and inferior, there will be the same temptation to GRAB for something that will give them the sense of security and value.

Adam and Eve’s child was after their image.

The glory of God was their covering but they lost that when they grabbed a substitute.

The devil will always make your spouse feel insecure and inferior so they will grab for a SUBSTITUTE.

Here are some things you can do to show importance.

First:  Be polite.

Second: Don’t use criticism or condemn.

Third: Show appreciation.

Fourth: Listen to them.

Firth: Don’t argue

Sixth: Accept them for who they are.

There is nothing that makes you feel more important than to let others know how important THEY are.

Tell your spouse today how important they are and reap the rewards!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


11 Dec


One of the important needs in a human beings life is the need for SECURITY.

Security in a marriage is to have freedom from anxiety and fear.

We feel secure in our spouse when we are GUARANTEED that an obligation will be met.

Insecurity is the opposite because it is being subject to danger or injury.

The devils workplace is to make us feel INSECURE in our spouse.

Let’s see what he did in Genesis 3:1-4.  “Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the fields…Then the serpent said to the woman. “You will not surely die.” 

Eve’s whole security was based on God’s word.

In Gen.3:4 when the devil said that God was lying to her, a demon of insecurity made her feel insecure.

That is the enemy’s specialty to take God’s word and make it out to be a lie.

God’s love in our life provides SAFETY.

In marriage we unload each other’s baggage into each other’s life.

CASE AND POINT:  When you travel, everyone has to go through security.  Obviously, it is because of terrorism.  The tighter the airlines are on security, the better I like it.  Years ago I use to see travel bags completely wrapped up in some sort of cling wrap.  This was to keep airline employees from stealing things out of their bags.  It looked so funny to see suitcases with five layers of cling wrap.  By wrapping their own suitcases, it gave these passengers the security they needed.

Do you consider making your spouse feel secure?

Prov.31:11 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no NEED of spoil.”

The word “spoil” means in Hebrew PREY.

Prey is a person who is the aim of an attack (especially a victim of ridicule or exploitation) by some hostile person or influence.

The bible says “the devil comes to kill steal and destroy.”

In other words, the devil is willing and waiting for your spouse to listen to his lies that you will never bring security to their life.

Does your spouse feel SAFE with you?

What can you do to help your spouse feel the security that he needs?

Is there something you can do to build his CONFIDENCE in you?

This is your opportunity to wrap all your spouse’s private information in the protective embrace of your love.

PROMISE to help your spouse with sensitivity and gentleness.

Offer support and listen with love.

Some of your spouse’s SECRETS are part of his history and makeup of who he is.

Your spouse will know that he is in a place of safety.

Do you want your spouse to draw back into himself and be LOST to you?

Make it your life’s work to making him feel secure and loved.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


10 Dec




Your spouse has a deep need within him to CONTRIBUTE.

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to your spouse.

The word “contribution” means the part played by a person in bringing  about a result.

God made everyone of us with a desire to contribute something to society.

From the tiniest thing like picking up something a stranger has dropped and handing it to them.

It makes you feel like you have accomplished something that day.

CASE AND POINT:  My daughter is a real giver of her time.  We were laughing at her and her cousin because they spent a few days laying tile in her cousin’s house.  When she graduated from high school, instead of going to college, she babysat free of charge for a woman so she could go to college.  When I questioned her about this decision, her answer was that the woman had two children and needed a good education for a good paying job.  I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard her reasoning.  I wanted my daughter to go to college, not babysit so someone else could go.  God spoke to my heart and told me to not be a hypocrite.  I raised my children to do for others and give of their time, now I am getting ready to open my  “big mouth” and tell her to go to college before she has children.  My daughter has helped about a dozen girls with their wedding plans.  Taking them all over to buy their items and helping the bride’s dreams come true.  She takes care of children and spends her summer at a camp for abused children.  All this she does voluntarily from her heart.

I didn’t say all that to brag about my daughter, but to emphasize that all we do to contribute to someone else’s life, brings fulfillment to ours.

I didn’t say all this to make us FEEL all mushy and warm on the inside.

I said it because I am wondering how you act when your spouse wants to help someone.

Do you act like it is a Federal CRIME and you can’t handle it when your spouse is fulfilling a need for someone else?

This is exactly why God gave us talents and abilities that others don’t have so we can be of assistance to others.

Thereby they BENEFIT and so do we.

Prov.31:20 “She extends her hands to the poor…”

 Rom.15:26 “For it hath pleased them…to make a certain contribution…”

The word “contribution” in the Greek literally means partnership.

When anyone contributes to the success of others there is a partnership that takes place.

It forms a bond and God will always open opportunities for us to ADD to the lives of others.

Gal.6:10 “As we have opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”

This is saying that whenever the Holy Spirit opens up an opportunity for you to help your church or other Christians, it is your first duty.

Learn to stay in your LANE and let your spouse have his space in his lane.

Your spouse is commanded to be a doer of the word, DO NOT stand in his path.

Stay in your lane!

NOTE:  Tomorrow we will discuss another need in your spouse’s life.


9 Dec


GROWTH is another very important human need that is a must for your spouse’s life.

GROWTH is a process of becoming larger or longer or more numerous or more important.

In Genesis, God tells us that he made man in His image but with that he gave man the power to grow, enlarge and become more important.

Gen.1:27-28 “…so God created man in his image…And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply…”

These are powerful words:  Fruitful and Multiply.

The Hebrew word for “fruitful” means to grow, increase, and bring forth.

The Hebrew word for “multiply” means to enlarge, excel, grow up, increase, more and plentiful.

When I first got saved there was a poster that had a cute picture of a little boy and the caption read:” God Don’t Make No Junk.”

That is so true!

We are made in His image and he designed us to not just add to what we are, but to multiply what we are or think we are capable of.

We often learn of great people who have accomplished so much in their lives without arms, legs, sight or sound.

CASE AND POINT:  We have had Dave Roever visit our church a few times.  Every time I see or hear of him, my heart leaps.  This man had most of his face blown off during the Vietnam War during the sixties.  He had more than just his face blown off, he had vital organs destroyed and no one at the scene even thought he would make it.  God showed them the resurrecting power of the Holy Ghost!  He not only is alive, but he is a General in the army of the Lord.  Dave is one of the most beautiful loving men that our fellowship has ever met.  He devotes every minute of his life to the furtherance of the Gospel.  I must add, and is married to His sweetheart who waited for his return from Vietnam and is still nurturing him through his healing process.  What a precious, precious woman!!  Glory to God!!!

These are some biblical examples of areas of growth for us to pattern our lives after.

Prov.31:12 “She does him good and not evil ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.”

 Prov.31:15  “She also RISES WHILE IT IS YET NIGHT…”


 Prov.31:26  “She OPENS HER MOUTH WITH WISDOM, And on HER TONGUE is the law of KINDNESS.”

Remember that the enemy of your marriage is terrified of you!!

You and your spouse have the power of the Holy Spirit to create, be fruitful and to multiply!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post which is a continuation and will help make your marriage a success.


8 Dec


What makes your wife laugh?

What does she consider funny?

What shows make her smile, what jokes make her chuckle, what incidents in your own relationship bring laughter and fun to your home?

Try to design an evening for the two of you in which laughter is the main goal.

Don’t settle for something easy, like taking her to a funny movie.

That might be part of the date, but don’t make it the main event.

Spend some time figuring out how you can help your wife to really loose and laugh, and then do your best to tickle her funny bone.

Remember that the bible insists “a merry heart does good, like medicine” (Prov.17:22).

Laughter makes any day better!

So make this one better for both you and your spouse.

NOTE:  This article was take from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Tomorrow will be the continuation of “Your Spouse Needs These”.