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MAKING YOUR SPOUSE LIKE YOU

16 Nov

 MAKING YOUR SPOUSE LIKE YOU

There are ways to make your spouse like you and one of them is to be genuinely interested in them.

Morning, noon and night your spouse is interested in HIMSELF.

Phil.2:4 “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  KJV

“Look out for the interest of others and not only for your own personal interest.”  NSB (New Simplified Bible)

Statistics show that it is easier for you to make your spouse a friend in two months by becoming genuinely interested in him than you can in two years trying to get him interested in you.

Spouses, it’s alright to do things for your SPOUSE that requires your time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Listen to what your spouse likes and take them a gift of something they will enjoy.

Listen for CLUES of what your spouse is interested on and initiate a conversation on the topic of his interests.

If you want to know what your spouse is interested in, have a Bar-B-Q and invite your spouse’s friends.  Listen to their conversation and you will learn their favorite topics.

In Meriden, Connecticut, a survey was done to see what subjects adults were most interested in studying.

The result of the study was that their first interest was Health.

The Second interest was in people:

How to understand and get along with people;

How to make people like you; and

How to win others to your way of thinking.

The authors sole purpose of his survey and book was to help readers discover, develop and profit from their physical and mental resources that are dormant and unused assets.

CASE AND POINT:  There was a time in my marriage when I felt like I didn’t have anything of interest to contribute in trying to open communication with my husband.  I decided that the only way I can have a conversation that would prompt his interest was to ask a question on one of his favorite topics.  When I did that, he opened up and kept talking.  I felt like I had really accomplished something in our marriage.

This may seem very hard and strange at first because it takes us out of our “comfort zone.”

It stretches us to talk on a subject that we not only know nothing about but we are also not interested in it at all.

God will bless your EFFORTS.

Anything you do to improve your marriage, the Holy Spirit will get in the middle and anoint it.

It has happened to me over and over again.

Marriage isn’t for babies, it’s for adults.

You will get on the ground and play with a silly toy just to bond with your child and see a smile on their face, yet you don’t take the time to make conversation on a topic your spouse loves.

What are you WAITING for?

I’m glad I didn’t wait.

Don’t lose out on this daily opportunity that won’t come back again because of your PRIDE.

Just ask a widow!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

CREATE SOME SAFETY

15 Nov

CREATE SOME SAFETY

     Although we’ve been married since 1972, Barbara and I are still learning how to love one another in a way that casts out fear and keeps it from having a grip on our lives. So, for example, instead of getting irritated or resentful when Barbara sometimes feels reluctant to share her feelings, I recognize that my behavior can feel intimidating to her, and that’s a form of fear. Since I don’t want her to fear me (or my reaction to her), I need to change my behavior.

     We both know that we are totally committed to each other, and I want to be more sensitive to her disposition, which is so different from my own. I’ve also sought ways to gently encourage Barbara to open up, and she’s learning to take more risks as well. I want to embody God’s words: “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame” (54:4).

     How are you different from your mate? How can you handle these differences in a way that makes your relationship totally safe for each other? Pray that you can grow as a couple to trust each other completely and so feel completely safe with one another.

NOTE:  This article is taken from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ADJUSTING TO ONE ANOTHER

14 Nov

ADJUSTING TO ONE ANOTHER

     In marriage, God brings together two people of differing backgrounds, tastes, and outlooks-and that means issues of adjustment, I’m sure you’ve noticed! But you may not have realized that the key to making these necessary adjustments in your relationship is for both of you to see each other and your marriage as more important than your individual values and desires. In fact, if you insist on holding on tightly to what you want, you’ll never develop the kind of relationship you really want.

     Keep some critical points in mind as you learn to make adjustments in your relationship:

     1.Recognize that adjustments are inevitable.

Every married couple has to deal with grains of sand in their shoes. Remember what James wrote, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials” (James 1:2). He said when you encounter trials, not if  you encounter them. As you begin to accept the fact that you will have to make changes in your behavior and learn how to receive your mate as a gift from God, even with his or her frustrating traits, you’ll be heading in the direction of oneness in marriage.

     2. Understand that adjustments have a divine purpose.

     God uses such issues to combine two unique people into something new called “Us”. He uses adjustments to teach us how to love another dramatically different, imperfect human being. At prime moments, God will use your marriage to show you how to love the unlovely.

     3. Ask God for wisdom on how to live with this person who’s so different from you. 

     Instead of trying to change your spouse and correct all the bad habits, either accept the situation or adjust yourself. Barbara recalls, “I had to realize that God had to change Dennis. I couldn’t”. Martin Luther said, “Marriage may be an institution, but it isn’t a reformatory!”

     4. Be more concerned about your own rough spots than those of your spouse.

     Jesus instructed us to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take a speck out of someone else’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5). That’s truly advice made for marriage. If I’m not willing to make changes, how can I expect Barbara to change?

     5. Make a commitment to work through the inevitable adjustment together.

 The apostle Paul provided guidelines for handling adjustment rhubarbs, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself” (Phil. 2:3). That’s a description of a grace-filled marriage-giving your partner room to be different and flexing on his or her behalf.

     Look over my list of five adjustments and pick one that you’d like to implement for your spouse.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD LOVES UNITY IN MARRIAGE

13 Nov

GOD LOVES UNITY IN MARRIAGE

There will always be conflict in your marriage, your family, your workplace and in your church.

Chaos doesn’t create a marital relationship where you can safely express your FEELINGS.

In Proverbs, God states that he hates disunity

Prov.6:16-19 “…the Lord hates…he that soweth discord among brethren.”

Prov.10:12 “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”

A spouse that hates, makes a bad situation worse.

Wicked actions from a spouse can SOW discord when they disrupt the harmony, unity and peace within a marriage.

A chord in music is any harmonic set of two-three or more notes that is heard as if sounding simultaneously.

Music was first created in heaven.

Harmony is a must in music in order for the sound of every note to be heard as one.

God uses that same principle in our marriage.

When you stir up your passions AGAINST your spouse, you are alienating affections from your spouse.

Take every opportunity to promote unity and agreement.

God loves UNITY in a marriage.

Matt.5:9  “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

If “…blessed are the peacmakers”, then CURSED are the peace-breakers.

If peacemakers are the children of God, then peace breakers are the children of the devil.

Rom.16:17 “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”

Are you a spouse that is willing to disrupt peace in your home in order to accomplish an evil desire?

The bible not only tells us God HATES discord but to not have anything to do with them as if they were witches or murderers.

Deut.27:24 “Cursed be he that smiteth his neighbor secretly…”

The enemy will tell you that you have wasted seven years married to the wrong person.

Being married to someone for seven years is not a waste of time; it is an INVESTMENT in your future.

The more you invest, you will get a return on your investment.

WHY?  Because God is a giver!

You serve a God who sees everything and “He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.”

“Where there is envy and strife, there is confusion and every evil work”.  (Jas.3:16)

EVERY EVIL WORK!!

Do you really want to be an initiator of “every evil work?”

Become a peacemaker right now!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

ARE YOU IGNORANT OF MARITAL FACTS?

12 Nov

ARE YOU IGNORANT OF MARITAL FACTS?

How can we make right decisions if we are ignorant of the facts involved?

We CAN NOT!!

That is why when God told us the things that He hates he said a “lying tongue.”

In Proverbs, God added to that another element of lying.

Prov.6:16-19 “… the Lord hates…a false witness that speaks lies…”

Here we see a specific type of lying—a false witness.

A false witness is a person who commits PERJURY, accusing an innocent person of something that they didn’t do.

Judges make decisions that effect people’s lives–many times dramatically.

If judges receive lies by witnesses, how can they render a JUST decision?

Truthful evidence is what judges depend on to be given to them.

The ninth commandment states ,“You shall not bear false witness.” Ex.20:16

False witness about your spouse has sins that bring strong disapproval:

First, Your words

Speaking things that are not true.

Psa. 12:22 “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.”

Second, Being a witness

Being a false witness for someone else.

Isa.5:23 “…who acquit the guilty for a bribe, but deny justice to the innocent.”

Third, Swearing to something that isn’t true.

Being a false witness against another.

“Devil is…the accuser of the brethren…”

Have you ever told someone something that your husband did or said but it was not true at all?

Have you ever told a “white lie” to your spouse to cover up for one of your children or siblings?

Have you ever sided against your spouse, swearing that they did something which they were not guilty of?

This type of false witness hurts and offends a minimum of THREE people: the person slandered, the person’s soul who is giving a false report, and the person (or persons) getting the false report.

This is like the venom from a scorpion.

INFORMATION:  There is a dangerous scorpion breed known as “Death Stalker Scorpions.”  This type of scorpion carries the most potent venom.  Androctonus Australis scorpion is the cause of many human deaths.  Most of these fatalities occur in the elderly, the sick, and the youngsters.

When we justify being a false witness about our spouse, we are injecting venom that is carried right into their “life line.”

This will bring death to a marriage faster than you can blink.

False witnessing usually occurs during DIVORCE proceedings.

In Mal.2:16, it is said that divorce bring in a spirit of “violence.”

That means that when you are in a divorce, you will have the temptation to bring a “false witness” against your spouse.

This is a death sentence on all who are involved especially children.

There are NO WINNERS.

Let the Holy Spirit put a guard over your mouth.

Never think because it is your husband that you can do and say what YOU want.

You are to be their “companion”, not their venomous scorpion.

The Holy Spirit desires to do a deep cleaning and restoration in your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

RECKLESS BEHAVIOR IN MARRIAGE

11 Nov

 RECKLESS BEHAVIOR IN MARRIAGE

The word “mischief” means a reckless behavior that causes discomfort or annoyance in others.

This kind of behavior is laid out in the bible as something that God hates.

Prov.6:16-18 “…the Lord hates…feet that be swift in running to mischief”

This describes a person who is quick and without forethought to sin.

Prov.1:16 “For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.”

If your heart is full of mischievous vapors and fumes, the Holy Spirit will be grieved.

This is entering into EVIL with plenty of energy and eagerness.

CASE AND POINT: There is a cartoon called the “roadrunner”.  As kids, everyone loved it because the roadrunner almost always got away.  He out ran Wile E. Coyote.  He would play tricks on the coyote and then take off and was hard to be caught.  The roadrunners feet were so fast that one second he was there and the next he was gone.

Don’t be lured and entrapped into sinful activity against your spouse.

Do you have a heart that is INCLINED toward evil instead to toward God?

Jesus feet literally took Him from town to town to heal and let people know the kingdom of God was available to them.  (Matt.4:23)

If you run to mischief against your spouse, it will give you a temporary high but in the end it will be the beginning of your DESTRUCTION.

The Apostle Paul wrote that Jesus came so that we too would be “zealous to do good deeds.”  (Titus 2:14)

When you are zealous in “good deeds” toward your spouse, this is a way to express your love to God with a whole heart.

God hates feet that run rapidly to evil.

God made your feet so that you would desire to use them to do GOOD deeds towards others, including your spouse.

If you have sinned in the past towards your spouse, then turn away and run away!

Stop the RECKLESS behavior that causes discomfort and annoyances in your household.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SPOUSE’S SHOULDN’T PLOT AND PLAN WICKEDNESS

10 Nov

 SPOUSE’S SHOULDN’T PLOT AND PLAN WICKEDNESS

Our God is a God that “hates.”  With God, hate is good.

God hates sin!

In Proverbs and Psalms he lists things he hates.

One of them is in Prov. 6:18 “…the Lord hates…a heart that devises wicked imagination…”

God does watch your heart and your thoughts concerning your spouse.

Remember that the heart is the “command and control” center of a person.

Being caught up in sin “in a moment” is one thing; but it’s another thing when you plot and scheme about what type of wickedness to do to someone.

In the Old Testament, premeditated sins were judged harshly compared to sins committed in the passion of the moment. (Joshua 20).

CASE AND POINT:  There was a story about a wife who ran over her husband’s girlfriend.  This story was all over the news.  What made this story hit all the news stations was the type of woman she was.  She was a wonderful gentle woman.  Everyone who knew her said they had never seen her mad.  She was a very elegant and loving woman.   Well then what happened.  She had been married to her husband for over ten years and had a teenage stepdaughter.  She loved them both and devoted her life to caring for their needs.  She received a call that her husband was having an affair and if she wanted to catch him, she should go to a certain hotel.  The person told her that her husband and his girlfriend had been in the room for quite a while but if she came quickly, she would catch them coming out.  She did not believe it was true but she put her step-daughter in the car and headed for the hotel.  As she pulled into the parking lot, her husband crossed with the girl.  She ran over him twice and killed him with his daughter screaming in the car.  At the trial, her step-daughter testified on her behalf.  She told the court that the woman who ran over her dad in the car is not the woman who her stepmother is.  She told the court that her stepmother was overcome with shock and anger.  The wife cried and said she was so sorry and can’t live with the horror of what she did.  I remember wanting the jury to let her go because I felt many women would have done the same thing under those circumstances.  However, murder is murder and I could not justify it if it were one of my family members.  She was sentenced to prison.

What lowered this woman’s sentence was that she did not premeditate it.

She did not have a history of anger and wicked ACTIONS.

Do you have a history of being angry with your spouse?

Do you pursue things that will be DESTRUCTIVE to your spouse?

Remember that if you do, it will also affect others that are around him.

The outcome will affect you as well.

Jesus’ entire mission was a heart that devised plans that would bring BLESSINGS.

Your mission as a spouse needs to be a heart of love, prayer and encouragement.

God loves a heart that ponders RIGHTEOUSNESS, but he hates a heart that devises wickedness.

Which heart best identifies you as a spouse?

RIGHTEOUSNESS OR WICKEDNESS?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SPOUSE’S ARE THE FIRST SUSPECT

9 Nov

SPOUSE’S ARE THE FIRST SUSPECT

You are to preserve your life and the life of others including your spouse.

Prov.6:16-17…The Lord hates…hands that shed innocent blood”

Not only does God hate murder but the sixth commandment also commands us not to kill.

Ex.20:13 “Thou shalt not kill…”

Whenever there is a murder, the first suspect is always the spouse.

You might be saying to yourself that you would never physically harm your spouse but we are going to expose sins that LEAD to murder.

First, we must not injure our spouse’s name.

It is a great CRUELTY to murder your spouse’s name.

You injure your spouse when you maliciously slander them.

Psa.35:11 “False witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not.”

Do you talk about your spouse with your family?

Do you tell his family when you feel he had done something you don’t APPROVE of?

What about when you are at work with co-workers or other friends?

Any BELITTLING of your spouse with others, is murdering their name.

Second, you must not injure them in their body.

God made this command to PRESERVE life.

Gen.9:6 “Whoever  sheds man’s blood, by man shall his blood be shed; for in the image of God made he man.”

God made your spouse for him to enjoy and he has a reason and purpose for his life.

The following is a list of EMOTIONS that lead to murder:

Anger produces murder.

Jacobs sons Simeon and Levi murdered and it is recorded in the bible for all to read.  Gen.49:6”…In their anger they slew a man…”

Envy produces murder.

In Gal.5:21, the apostle puts envy and murder together.

Satan envied and murdered our first parents.

Envy first begins by being DISCONTENTED against God then ends in injuring man.

Envy is deep rooted and wants blood to be quenched.

Hatred produces murder.

The Pharisees hated Christ because he was more POPULAR among the people.

Haman hated Mordecai because he would not bow to him and wanted to destroy the whole Jewish race.

You can commit murder in many ways:

  • With the hand  2Sam.20:10
  • With the mind  1John 3:15
  • With the tongue  John 18:30
  • With the pen   2Sam.11:15
  • By plotting another’s death  1Kings 21:10
  • Witchcraft   Deut.18:10
  • By having an intention to kill another   Matt.2:8,13
  • By consenting to another’s death   Acts 22:20
  • Unmercifulness   Deut.24:6

Although this has been a gruesome subject, remember that it starts with our mouth.

If you are HARBORING anger, envy or hatred in your heart towards your spouse, this is the time to let it go.

You are killing your marriage.

You can bring LIFE into your marriage by asking the Holy Spirit to give you guidance and direction.

Ask God to forgive you and become the spouse that you and God want you to be.

Take that FIRST step and God will lead you through the rest!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

LOOK TOWARD THE FUTURE

8 Nov

LOOK TOWARD THE FUTURE

     ARE YOU OR YOUR SPOUSE weighed down or burdened by events from your past? I think some Christians are living life like someone who is trying to drive a car but can’t take his eyes off the rearview mirror. In your own family, you may need to help your mate understand that he or she has no business dwelling on things God has already forgotten.

     One woman I know had been in an ungodly dating relationship that she finally broke off. During the next year, Isaiah 43:18,19 became very real to her, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. “What a promise! If you or your spouse struggles over foolish choices in the past, may I encourage you to dwell upon the promise of this passage?

     Along the same lines, Paul writes, “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (phil. 3:13, 14). Paul refused to focus on his rearview mirror. He resolutely looked forward-at the person of Christ. Help your mate do the same. Encourage your children to learn to deal with their failures and receive God’s grace.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IT’S A MATTER OF WHO (and WHOSE) WE ARE

7 Nov

IT’S A MATTER OF WHO (and WHOSE) WE ARE

Most of our problems-marital and otherwise-can be summed up in two things;

1. We forget who God is.

2. We forget who we are in Christ.

     When we lose sight of who God is and of our identity as Christians, when we forget that we are children of the King, for whom nothing is impossible, we set ourselves up for failure in the very areas in which God has called us to succeed. This is particularly true in the home.

     When God calls us to marriage and parenthood, He doesn’t promise us that it will always be easy. What he does promise, however, is that He will strengthen us, help us, and uphold us through anything that comes our way. Speaking through the Old Testament prophet Isaiah, God lovingly tells His people, “You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (41:9,10).

     Are you struggling with some difficulty in your home right now? If so, remember that you belong to the Creator of the universe, and that you belong to Him. Fear not!

     Take Him at His word … He promised to uphold you.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.