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NO MARRIAGE WORKS WITHOUT FLEXIBILITY

14 Sep

NO MARRIAGE WORKS WITHOUT FLEXIBILITY

Your marriage cannot survive without flexibility because it does not allow your spouse to have freedom of expression.

Flexibility is a MUST for every marriage.

In the world, the United States has the highest divorce rate and the women file for divorce twice as much as the men.

One of the reasons is that many women are STUBBORN and demand their own way.

The word “stubborn” appears 28 times in the bible and the word “stiff-necked” about 19 times.   Stiff-necked also means stubborn.

Until stubbornness is overcome, your marital relationship will suffer.

“…stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.  Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD… “  1SAM.15:23

In God’s eyes, a stubborn wife is as guilty as anyone who worships Satan.

If you are being narrow minded, you are having YOUR own way without regard to your spouse’s ideas or feelings.

Wives, be careful to make sure you are obeying your husband, whether he is right and spiritual or not.

Divorce is an epidemic and STUBBORNNESS is an issue of the heart.

Jer.17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”

The bible warns that being inflexible to your spouse is folly.

Do you see your IDEAS from their perspective?

Can you listen to your spouses remedies to solve problems in a new and  different way?

Do you ever let your spouse know that you appreciate and understand their VIEWPOINT?

How can you arrive at an agreement or judgment if you have an inflexible perspective.

Is your thinking, attitude and perspective RIGID?

You are leaving your spouse with a feeling of rejection when you say, “I am right and you are wrong.”

The stress you experience in your life is due to inflexibility and your inability to accept change.

When you are flexible you will experience many twists and turns, ups and downs, and uncertainties.

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I were asked to be missionaries in England during the early 80’s it was spiritually dead.  We gave up our house, business, furniture along with friends and family to be in the will of God.  Anything and everything we owned had to fit into four suitcases.  As we sat on the plane headed for Manchester, I turned to my husband and asked him what his plan was for building a church in England.  I had given up all my Tupperware and expensive pots and pans we had received as marriage gifts so I was expecting a divine plan to come out of his mouth.  Lol!!  This was his response, “I don’t have a plan.  We will get there and see what happens.”  At that moment I spiritually matured about 40 years.  My spiritual hair turned gray.  I realized I had to be flexible and trust in God.  It worked.  It was definitely one of the highlights of my spiritual life.  I thank God everyday that my husband was sensitive to the Holy Spirit and flexible enough to give up his life to go.

To be flexible, there must be a willingness to take RISKS.

Life is not about survival but about enjoyment in the Holy Ghost.

Your spouse’s different opinion does not make them the ENEMY.

A different opinion is a source of wisdom, knowledge, understanding and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Flexibility is the GIFT that keeps on giving.

Your marriage is worth it.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to give help to make your marriage successful

SECURING OUR MARITAL BUNGEE CORD

13 Sep

SECURING OUR MARITAL BUNGEE CORD

There are human NEEDS that your spouse cannot live without.

One of the needs that we cannot live without is security.

The definition for security is FREEDOM from fear, anxiety, danger and doubt.

Security ASSURES safety, protection against attacks, and certainty with trust.

Prov. 31:11 “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

This man in proverbs doesn’t fear of his wife betraying his secrets.

Does your husband ASK for your advise and confidence on important matters?

Does he have complete trust in you?

There is no other JOY a wife can experience that counts more than to be trusted.

When you are trusted, it brings inspiration to work hard for your husband and family.

Marriage THRIVES where there is honor and respect.

Are you held in high honor as this Hebrew wife?

In Gen.24:14,  Eliezer PRAYED to God as he was looking for a wife for Abraham’s son.  Eliezer told God to let it be the woman who offers to water his camels.

That meant that to water his camels would take over 200 gallons of water.

Can you imagine offering to carry 200 gallons of water to water camels of a total stranger?

That was no small TASK.

It took a servants heart like Rebekah’s to complete a task this hard.

Rebekah was beautiful but there was a lot more to her than just a beautiful FACE.

If she could make such sacrifices of herself to a total stranger than what service will she bring to a man she is committed to through marriage.

When we are feeling INSECURE we look for someone to make us feel secure.

The natural place for us to look for that security is in our spouse.

Have you ever looked to your spouse for security and been very DISAPPOINTED?

Disappointment leads to anger.

Only God can give us that COMPLETE feeling of security when we are grounded in a secure relationship with Him.

Deut.33:12 “Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.”

CASE AND POINT:  Years ago I heard on the news about someone who went bungee jumping.  They were having a great time till one of them jumped and realized that they forgot to tie the other end of the cord onto something secure.  They were concentrating on making the one end of the cord very secure on the person jumping.

In order for something to be secure, it needs to be tied to something that is immovable.

Psa.16:8 “I have set the LORD always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.”

God is the only one who can take you from insecurity to security and blessings.

As a spouse, we need the Holy Spirit in our marriage to bring that security that our spouse desperately needs in their life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SPEAK AFFIRMING WORDS

12 Sep

SPEAK AFFIRMING WORDS

NOTE:  The following article is from the book “The Love Dare – Day by Day” By Kendrick

CAN YOU IMAGINE how relieved Joseph’s brothers felt when their now-powerful younger sibling told them, “Do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones”?

And can you picture their body language when he “comforted them and spoke kindly to them” (50:21)?  Joseph’s words were powerful.

Our wives need the same kind of affirming words that create security and comfort.

To encourage and bless your wife, affirm her consistently with pleasant, loving words.

Let her know that you value, respect, and love her.

Some evenings I come home, and  I’m absolutely amazed at how busy Barbara has been for me and the children.

Running errands, settling squabbles, fixing meals–the list is endless.

Occasionally, I’ll miss my cue to encourage her and she’ll say, “You know what I would like you to do?  Just tell me you appreciate what I am doing for you!”

You can tell your wife how much you appreciate her through specific compliments:

*  “I appreciate your efforts to keep my clothes clean and pressed.  You’re incredible!”

*  “Thanks for looking so nice today.”

*  “I appreciate always being able to count on you to follow through, no matter what.”

*  “Thanks for being there—for always putting the children and me ahead of yourself.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to assist you in making your marriage a success.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

11 Sep

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  My husband works out of town many months out of the year.  He complains about being on the road away from everything he loves but continues to spend the money he is making on anything he wants.  I have to account for every penny but he takes hundreds of dollars every week which he never tells me where it goes.  He has taken me off all the bank accounts and only gives me enough money to pay the bills.  He has password on his phone and only calls me every other day when he is gone for a few minutes.  He says he loves me.  We have been married almost 20 years with two children.  I believe he is selfish and controlling.   Is it time for us both to move on?

Answer #2.  There are many questions that I would like to ask you before I answer this.  Since we are not able to communicate, I will do my best to answer this question for you.  I am going to answer this as if it were happening to me.

First, you need to do everything possible to keep your marriage in tack.  Do not listen to voices tell you to do things that are not biblical.  In Malachi 2, your marriage is called a “Holy Institute.”  Anything that is “holy”, the devil will always try to destroy.  He might be selfish and controlling, but that is still no reason to set up housekeeping elsewhere.  This is your family and you need to fight for it!

Second, you need to do whatever it takes to allow your daughters to grow up with their father in their home.  Also in Malachi 2, it says that the purpose of marriage is for “godly offspring.”  Even if you feel like he is never there or that he is a father who doesn’t care about them.  He is a covering and a security to them.  They love him and need him in their life.  Your husband is a provider and even if you think the scale of monetary output is not to your advantage, he is still providing.  If you talked to any wife who has been abandon with children,  you will find that they would take their husbands back under any conditions.  It’s a hard cruel world out there!  My dad left our family when I was thirteen years old.  It was a nightmare that never ended.  Even though my mother was a very loving soul who never remarried or tracked strange men through our home, or talked trash about my dad, it was still unbearable.

Lastly, what do you do?  Stay miserable for the rest of your life?  No! No! No!  The bible talks about what to do if you are a slave with an evil task master.  He says to go back and serve that master with your very best.  Pray for him everyday.  When you talk to him, make it an extremely enjoyable conversation.  You want him to be anxious when he hangs up to talk to you again.  Talk about happy things!  How cute the girls are, something silly they did, something of interest that came out in the news.  Tell him you found a hilarious joke and read it to him.  DO NOT, DO NOT talk about money or you.  Very few husbands care what wives think or feel.  The reason why is because we are so emotional.  To a man, we sound SELFISH and CONTROLLING.

Tell him you love him.  You will shock him!  Pray for him!  Prayer works!  Read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday and apply it to your marriage.

One of the best marriage books is, “Love and Respect” by Eggerich.  Get it, mark it, and live it.  Make your marriage, your hobby.

GOD WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!  HE DREAMT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE, BEFORE HE CREATED IT.  I’m praying for you.  You go girl!  Fight the good fight!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post with information that will make your marriage a success.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

10 Sep
happy-smiley-3

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

1.  Try to understand your mate:  

“Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established” (Prov.24:3).

2.  Be reasonable in your expectations of each other:  

“Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another” (Rom.12:10).

3.  Do not criticize each other publicly:  

“Let us not therefore judge one another any more, but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother’s way” (Rom.14:13).

4.  Be comrades in a common cause:  

“They twain shall be one” (Matt.19:5).

5.  Talk it over:  

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord,.  Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Col.3:18,19).

6.  Keep up the love pattern:  

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the  floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” (S.of S.8:7).

“Husbands love your wives” (Eph.5:25).

“Teach the young women…to love their husbands” (Titus 2:4).

7.  Treat your partner with courtesy:

“Be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Eph.4:32).

8.  Be loyal to each other:

“Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom.13:10).

9.  Practice the golden rule of wedded love!

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” (Matt.7:12).

10.  Take Christ into your home:  

“If any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him and he with Me” (Rev.3:20).

NOTE:  This article was taken from plymouthbrethren.org.  The article was titled “Emotional Factors In Christian Marriage” submitted by H. E. Kay, M.D. on 4/2/28.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to inspire you to have a successful marriage.

LOVE  NEVER GIVES UP

9 Sep
climbing

LOVE  NEVER GIVES UP

“Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.  John 13:1

If your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can be more daunting with each passing day.

But marriage is not a contract with convenient escape clauses and selfish exception wordings.

Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal.

There’s no going back.

There’s no opting out.

There’s nothing in the world that should sever what God has joined together.

Your love is based on a covenant.

And your covenant is based on the changing character of a covenant-keeping God.

The prophet Malachi wrote that one reason God withholds His blessing is that He hates divorce and is angered when husbands deal treacherously with their wives, breaking the covenant they made (Malachi 2:16).

Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me, and we’ll see if it works out.”

But realizing it as a covenant changes it around to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”

Questions

Have you committed to your marriage for life?

Could you remind your spouse of your lifelong covenant with them?

Why not renew your love in a creative way?

NOTE:  This article is from the book, “The Love Dare – Day by Day authored by Kendrick

NOTE:  Every day there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DON’T TOUCH, WET PAINT

8 Sep

DON’T TOUCH, WET PAINT

When you were a kid do you remember how tempting it was to touch anything that had a sign on it that read: Don’t touch!  Wet paint!

I was raised with five brothers and I always remember that my mom would go to do the wash and start asking them where they had been to get paint all over their clothes.

Just like paint is very tempting for kids, as adults, we each have areas in our life that is tempting.

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”  Matt.6:13

We all need God in our life to lead us out of life’s tough spots in our marriage.

Praying this prayer is confessing that God is your leader including in your marriage.

This is where you and I tell God that we have felt the hurt of destruction from sin in our lives.

We are telling God that we don’t want to go there again in our marriage so we need him to lead us in the right direction.

Life is a test of choices.

When God designed us in his image, he made us higher than the angels.

We have the freedom as moral creatures to make our own choices and decisions but the angels do not.

Are you asking God not to let you get off track in your marriage from where God is leading you?

It is like a wife who navigates her husband while he is driving so he doesn’t make a wrong turn.

CASE AND POINT:  One of the funniest things that happened to my husband and I when we were missionaries in England, happened in the city of Birmingham.  We were there to scout the land to plant a new church there.  I had the map and was telling my husband which way to turn.  In England they have round-abouts instead of stop signs.  You get on and go in circles till you get to the street you want to turn in.  I kept asking him what street we were coming up to as my eyes were on the map.  He would tell me the name of the street as we passed it.  I would tell him to turn off on the next street as we passed it.  He would tell me we passed it.  As we kept going in circles, our voices started getting louder at each other.  Pretty soon we were shouting at each other going in circles.   By the time we got off the round-about, we were ready for a divorce.  After that every time we wanted to have a good laugh we would say, “Hey lets go to Birmingham, and have a nice time.”

This is exactly what the devil does in our marriage!

He has us blaming each other and chasing our tails.

Many times we blame God for not helping us with our marriage but we have choices to make and continue to make bad choices.

God will never tempt us.   NEVER!!

James 1:13-14  “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.”

Awwww!  We are drawn away by our own lust!!

Satan tempts us and sets traps for us.

The evil one knows which buttons to push to get you to react.

He entices us with the world: The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life.

Let Jesus be your guide.

Get off the round about!

It’s your choice!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LOVE SEEKS LASTING TREASURE

7 Sep
WEDDING PROJECT

LOVE SEEKS LASTING TREASURE

NOTE:  The following article comes from the book “The Love Dare – Day by Day written by Kendrick

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt.6:21

Your heart follows your investment.

Whatever you pour your time, money, and energy into will draw your heart.

This was certainly true before you were married.

You wrote letters, bought gifts, and spent time together as a couple…and your heart followed.

But if you stopped investing as much in the relationship and started pouring yourself into other things, your heart followed those.

If you are not in love with your spouse today it may be because you stopped investing in your spouse yesterday.

Ask yourself what has your heart right now.

What’s become important to you?

You can tell by looking at where your time, money, thoughts and energy have been spent recently.

Are you still putting these things into your mate?

How about the things of God?

As you draw closer to God, the Holy Spirit will act as your spiritual GPS.

When you veer off course, His still, small voice will redirect you—if you’ll listen—back toward your real treasure.

Prayer

“Lord, remind us to invest in our marriage whether our emotions are there or not.   Help us to love each other regardless of our feelings, but we ask you to renew our love for one another as we obey you.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FORWARD MARCH

6 Sep

FORWARD MARCH –

Peace Starts With ME!

In the Lords Prayer one of the issues that was dealt with is the way we deal with other people and that includes our spouse.

Matt.6:14 “  If we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

This verse is telling us that there is a condition that has been established

That condition is that your spouse must be forgiven for all offensives and it has to start with YOU!

You cannot make the excuse that you are waiting for your spouse to ask for forgiveness or an apology.

God is waiting for you to FORWARD MARCH!

You must FORGIVE first!

I saw a cartoon of a man at a card shop.  He was buying a card for his wife.  He asked the salesperson,  “Do you have a card that stops short of saying, ‘I’m sorry’ yet vaguely hints of some wrongdoing?”

This is not showing forgiveness!

Forgiveness can’t change the past but it does broaden the future.

 Is forgiveness a choice or is it just a state of your emotions?

*  Forgiveness is a choice made by your will.

*  God commands that your obedience to him must produce forgiveness   to others.

If you are blaming your spouse because you cannot forgive them, remember that it is a choice of your will.

By dwelling on past hurts you take away quality to have  a satisfying marital life.

Corrie Ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you!”

CASE AND POINT:  Kris Bowie, one of our pastor’s wives on staff, joins me as we both go and speak into Los Angeles County Jail for the women together.  The presence of God is so powerful in the jail for these women.  Even though it is the most fulfilling areas of ministry that we have, it is still heartbreaking to walk out and see that these precious women we just ministered to are still prisoners.

I can’t imagine how God must feel when he has ministered to us about our marriages and given us clear direction of what he expects of us as spouses then we turn around, and won’t forgive them.

God forgives us and sets us free and because we won’t forgive, we put ourselves back to live in our own prison.

WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!

What a blow to your marital life.

Let peace reign in your life not bitterness.

FORWARD MARCH – spouses!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help you have a successful marriage.

THE LAW OF UNDERSTANDING

5 Sep

THE LAW OF UNDERSTANDING

When Joseph’s brothers came from Canaan to Egypt seeking food in the midst of the famine, they had to use and interpreter to communicate with their brother.  There have been times in our marriage when Barbara and I have needed someone to interpret for us so we can truly understand each other!  Understanding is not merely a transfer of information, but an empathy for the other person based on what he or she communicated with you.  Barbara and I have found understanding to be essential in building each other’s self-image.  We are continually seeking to comprehend the context of each other’s lives, the kind of context that helps to explain our self-image, our behavior, and our attitudes.

Applying the Law of Understanding will give you the right to be heard by your mate.  If he or she senses that you truly understand– or at least desire to understand–then your suggestions and attempts to build into your mate will be better received.

The next time your mate expresses a concern, ask if he or she feels that you understand it.  Practice listening with a sympathetic ear, and look beyond the response to its cause.  What has occurred into your mate’s life that contributes to this present attitude?  Which pressure today may be crushing your mate’s self-confidence?

Proverbs 24:3 reads, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.”  And 1Peter 3:7 teaches husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding.  As we give each other the gift of understanding , we build a stronger, healthier marriage that endures.

NOTE:  Tomorrows new post will help you in making your marriage a success.

NOTE:  This article was written by Dennis and Barbara Rainey