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SHORT FUSED SPOUSE: WHAT TO DO

7 Aug

SHORT FUSED SPOUSE: WHAT TO DO

 

The Apostle Paul used the word AGAPE to describe the highest level of love in this world that is from God.

Paul uses the description to explain what AGAPE love is in 1Corinthians 13.

God designed these verses so we would know if we were walking at his highest level of loving.

1Cor.13:4 “Charity (agape love) suffereth long…”

Long suffering, in the Greek, MAKROTHUMIA, means “the patient restraint of anger.”

Long suffering is to endure, to put up with people and circumstances.

Do you lose your patience from time to time with your spouse?

Do these situations involve people or things?

What are some of these situations that cause you not to be so long suffering?

Long suffering is when you are in a difficult situation with your spouse or anyone else and you decide to put up with them.

Once you accept Jesus Christ as your LORD and Savior, longsuffering is required to maintain our hope in Gods promises.

If you don’t have hope or purpose for your life, why would you wait?  Why would you continue to suffer?  You would give up!!

Love will be patient no matter what the situation.

Longsuffering is prepared to burn a long time if it has that long wick.

You are to forbear and patiently wait if you have the characteristic of the highest level of AGAPE love.

Can you show longsuffering till your spouse finally comes around and make progress.

Do you patiently wait while you try to teach or communicate to your spouse.

Longsuffering is forbearing without reacting in anger or turning away.

Long suffering is not a feeling.

Our human nature wants to get nervous and hyper as soon as it has to be patient.

Can you hold tight to your trust in God?

Longsuffering is a decision of the will; it is a decision to endure in faith.

The long view is to forgive each other’s failures and to hold tight to our trust in God.

Keep going even though your husband doesn’t respond to you!

Do you say that you are sick and tired of waiting for your spouse to change?

Have you stopped hoping and believing?

Does this relationship test your patience?

If this is true, you need an injection of AGAPE love right now!

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post which has tips to help you be a successful spouse.

IS YOUR SPOUSE AVOIDING YOU?

6 Aug

IS YOUR SPOUSE AVOIDING YOU?

Is your talking non-stop and annoying at times?

Do you talk so much to your spouse that he doesn’t even LISTEN to you any more?

Do your words just keep pouring out that it now just sounds like noise?

1Cor.13:1 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (agape love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 

In the Corinth church, Paul was so unimpressed with their spirituality because they obviously had a great LACK of love.

Do you claim a lot and say a lot , yet your life doesn’t match up to your claims?

Are you irritating to your spouse and family because you lack love?

This kind of love is AGAPE, which is a self-giving love.

Agape love gives without expecting repayment.

This kind of love gives even when it is not ACCEPTED.

You give agape love even when a person is unlovable.

Agape love doesn’t love just to RECEIVE something back for it.

Agape love is self-denial for the sake of another.

This is not about your EMOTIONS and how you feel but what you need to do to make things right for someone else.

Do you express this spontaneous and divine love with your spouse?

Sacrifice is very important to your Christian walk but without love, it is USELESS.

Love is most valuable because without it everything else is useless.

If your spouse doesn’t listen to you and won’t be changed, ask God to show you a way to HANDLE the situation.

Ask God to change you so you can deal with your spouse in a spirit of love.

Ask God to GIVE you His heart for your spouse.

You can deal with anything if you have God’s heart and mind.

Be willing and open to make changes in your WORDS and in your character.

The last thing you want to be is a “tinkling cymbal.”

Whatever God shows you in your actions or words that needs to be changed, accept it and change.

GOD IS LOVE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post that will have issues to make your marriage a success!

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

5 Aug

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

Do you get annoyed when your husband leaves the toilet seat up?

How about when he TAILGATES, does that get to you?

Does he pick his teeth with his finger in front of company?

Do you enjoy those SHAVINGS all over the bathroom counter from cleaning his shaver?

Does he make a joke when you are saying something serious?

The questions above are marital ISSUES that I hear about a lot while counseling wives.

In marriage, there will  be things that will occur which will get you angry.

At those moments, you will FEEL like taking a swing or totally giving up in your marriage.

Even if the violation isn’t a big deal, it’s just the thought of having to deal with the same issues over and over again.

Many times I will listen to wives who are tired of being married to men who are great but their wife is just tired of the “small stuff.”

God knows that and he has us covered.

Let’s look at 1Pet.4:8 to get God’s instruction to understand.

1Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent love among yourselves: for love shall cover the multitude of sins.”

The word COVER implies “to hide from view.”

This doesn’t mean for you to ignore the sin, it means you cover it.

Cover is the definite action of concealing the existence of something by obstructing the VIEW of it.

When we respond in love to our spouse, we prevent the development of sin.

DIVINE love is not seeing sin in a person and then shutting our eyes to it.

Divine love makes us care for our spouse and helps us to seek the good of our partner.

In James 5:20, our focal point needs to be for restoration and recovery.

“Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” (Jas. 5:20)

Take action to RESTORE your spouse by covering any multitude of sin and violations against you.

Love doesn’t cover all sin because there is a “sin unto death.”

Love does cover a multitude of sin but there is a large quantity of sin that it does NOT cover.

I have learned from the years of being married, that I SHOULDN’T make a big deal out of everything that goes wrong.

I have learned that the more I let go, the more peace and power of the Holy Spirit I see in our marriage.

Also, one of the main benefits is that I am being a testimony to my CHILDREN.

My goal in life is to not quench the precious Holy Spirit in my life and marriage.

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

Is having a toilet seat down that important?

NOTE:  Tomorrow is another new post with great marriage tips.

FIGHTING CONFLICT WITH PRAYER

4 Aug

FIGHTING CONFLICT WITH PRAYER

CAN YOU IMAGINE how the biblical record might be different if Isaac and Rebekah had learned to deal with their conflicts through prayer, rather than through deceit and manipulation (Gen.27:5-13)?

More to the point, would you like to do a better job of resolving conflict in your marriage?  If so, then we encourage you to discover the power of praying together.

Even though praying in the middle of a conflict is just as important as praying during calm seas, most of us don’t feel like praying with an opponent.  But inviting the Prince of Peace into your boat in the middle of the storm is truly the answer.

For some of the best advice on how to resolve conflict in marriage, you have only to turn to Eph.4:25-27, “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.  ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

Note especially the phrase, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”  If that single principle were observed, most marital conflicts would be resolved much sooner!  The next time you have a conflict, instead of turning away to be angry, find a way to turn toward one another and God and pray together as a couple.  Barbara and I have done this since 1972, and I can honestly say that this spiritual discipline of prayer has helped us resolve many conflicts.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have helpful marital comments to make your marriage healthier.

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

PRINCIPLES FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE

3 Aug

PRINCIPLES FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE

NOTE:  This is an article from a book “101 things husbands do to annoy their wives” by Ray Comfort.  I normally do Questions and Answers but I felt you would really benefit from this portion of his book.

FIRST, establish a regular prayer life together. If you are in a high-rise building and there’s a fire, the correct response is to drop to your knees.  Because smoke rises, you will see more clearly from that position and will avoid the poisonous fumes.  Make your prayer-life so second nature to you both that the moment you find yourself in the fires of tribulation, you will drop to your knees.  You will see more on the knees of prayer than through the thick and confusing smoke of misfortune.

SECOND, aim to rid yourself of a selfish human nature.  A humble, “broken” spirit is found in one who is no longer living for himself.  I’ve counseled enough marriages to know what causes all breakups: it is simply a philosophy of “Not your will, but mine be done.”  Having a broken spirit means giving up your rights for the rights of your spouse.  Don’t be like the wife who told her marriage counselor, “It all started on our wedding day–when he wanted to be in the wedding photos!”  Don’t do anything “through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

THIRD, make certain resolutions:

*  Never mention the word “divorce” during an argument.  The word should shock us.  The more it is used as an argumentative weapon, the less distasteful it will seem.  Avoid statements such as, “Sometimes I can really understand why some marriages end in divorce.”  If you both resolve that divorce is never an option, you will be motivated to work harder at having a good marriage.

*  Vow not to let your emotions lead you to say things you will regret.  You are most vulnerable to the one you confide in most–spouses know how to hurt each other.  If you feel unable to restrain your sharp tongue in an argument, wait until you have cooled off and can talk reasonably.

*  Learn how to say, “I’m sorry.”  Often I say I’m sorry not because I think I was in the wrong, but because the argument started in the first place.  A wife testified at the closing of a divorce proceedings, “It all started when he walked out and slammed the door.”  The husband butted in, “I didn’t slam the door!”  It was discovered that the wind had caught it.  If only forgiveness and humility had been there the day that happened, rather than presumption and pride.

*  Be aware of your own faults.  Remember, the proverb, “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes.”  The husband who says, “I have never made a mistake” has a wife who made a big one.

*  Agree never to argue in front of your children.  You will lose their respect, cause them to question the security of their home, and ruin your reputation in front of those most important to you.

*  Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.  Don’t “sleep on it,” because it will fester and eventually poison you.

FOURTH, show love and respect toward each other.  Although some with the ” Women’s Liberation” mentality believe that the biblical husband/wife relationship is one of a master and a well-trained dog, they couldn’t be further from the truth.  The Bible does speak of women as the “weaker vessel,” which is true physically.  However, the biblical order is: as a strong, thorny stem upholds the tender, easily bruised, sweet-smelling rose, so should the husband uphold, love, and respect his wife.  When you study a rose, notice how the leaves reach from the stem and embrace the delicate flower.  So the arms of the husband should embrace his wife.  That is God’s order.

Again, the Bible commands husbands, “Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”  Men will obey this only to the extent that they understand how much Christ loved the church.  I once spoke at a men’s camp to about eighty men, and told them that if they treated their wives sacrificially like this, they would no doubt be rewarded by their wives in a way that all men enjoy.  For the next several seconds, you could have heard a pin drop.  Suddenly one man, voicing the thought of the entire group, hollered, “Alright!”  The room erupted with spontaneous joy, laughter, and loud amens. Ladies, if your husband doesn’t open the car door for you when you get home at night, stay in the car until he does.  If, however, you see the bedroom light switch off, give up and try again another time.  Husbands, if you know what’s good for you, show respect for your wife.  It will become mutual, and you will be rewarded.  You will reap what you sow, and thus enrich and lift your marriage.

FIFTH, communicate.  The Bible says that when a man and woman are joined in marriage, they “become one flesh.”  Sue and I met while we were working in a bank.  At work we are called “the budgies” because we used to sit together each day and I would peck at her lunch.  Nothing has changed.  Not only is Sue my wife, but she’s my best friend.

A man once said to his wife, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time.”  The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.  God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.”

These things won’t come naturally.  There is, however, one powerful thought to help us remember why men should be the ones who change:

God made man from dirt.

For the woman He used prime rib.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new exciting marital tips.

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

2 Aug

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

 

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

 

STEPS TOWARDS A

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

  1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
  2. Be the person God intended you to be.
  3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
  4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
  5. Don’t condemn yourself.
  6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
  7. Forgive yourself.
  8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
  9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
  10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
  11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
  12. Choose realistic goals.
  13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
  14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
  15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
  16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
  17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
  18. Build up those around you.
  19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
  20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
  21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  More marital encouragement on tomorrows post.

NOTE:  Some comments for this post was taken from the book, Perfect in His Eyes, by Kay Marshall Strom

LIVE TV HORRIFYING SCENE

1 Aug

LIVE TV HORRIFYING SCENE

I came across this story while I was reading about YAHWEH SHAMMAH, which means “The LORD is There”.

This is a true story that exemplifies a visual example of “The LORD is There.”

NOTE: The following article came from the book “Praying the Names of God” by Ann Spangler.

Genelle Guzman-McMillan has a story that is mesmerizing because she survived troubles the rest of us have only encountered in our nightmares.  She is the last survivor of the September 11 attack on the World Trade Center.

Genelle is a soft-spoken woman who remembers what happened in terrifying detail.  Employed by the Port Authority of New York, she arrived a little after 8 a.m. on September 11 and rode the elevator to her job on the sixty-fourth floor of the north tower.  Thinking it was safe to stay, Genelle didn’t attempt to leave the building until after the second plane hit.  Racing down fifty-one flights of stairs in high heels, she stopped for a moment on the thirteenth floor.  As she bent down to remove her shoes, the north tower collapsed on top of her.

Like millions of others, I watched the horrifying scene via live TV, convinced that no one had survived the collapse of the second tower.

Here’s what happened to Genelle when all hell broke loose:

One hundred ten floors were coming down around us.  I knew I was being buried alive.  The noise was deafening…

When I woke again I told myself I had to do something.  But what could I do?  “God, you’ve got to help me!”  I prayed.  “You’ve got to show me a sign, show me a miracle, give me a second chance.  Please save my life!”  My eyes were so caked with grime that the tears couldn’t come, but I felt it in my heart.  I was talking to God as if he was right there.  I told him I was ready to live my life the right way.  “Lord, just give me a second chance, and I promise I will do your will.”…

The next day, I heard a beep-beep sound like a truck backing up.  I called for help, but there was no response…  Finally someone hollered back:  “Hello, is somebody there?”  “Yes, help me!  My name is Genelle, and I’m on the thirteenth floor,” I cried, not realizing how ludicrous the information about my location must have sounded, coming from a pile of rubble…

I could see a bit of daylight coming through a crack, so I stuck my hand through it…I stretched my hand out as far as I could, and this time someone grabbed it.  “Genelle, I’ve got you!  You’re going to be all right.  My name is Paul.  I won’t let go of your hand until they get you out.”

Genelle had prayed to the God she had ignored for most of her life, and he had been there for her.  After twenty-seven hours she was pulled out of the rubble and then spent five weeks in the hospital recuperating.  Afterward, she tried locating Paul, the man who had held onto her hand until she was rescued.  Later, when she asked about him, her rescuers assured her:  “There’s no one named Paul on our team…nobody was holding your hand when we were removing the rubble.”

Genelle had felt completely calm the moment Paul grabbed her hand.  She had believed his repeated assurances that help was on the way and that she would be all right.  Despite the fact that her story has been told in Jim Cymbala’s book Breakthrough Prayer, on Oprah and CNN, and in Guideposts and Time magazines, no one named Paul has ever stepped forward to take credit for rescuing her.  But Genelle knows that Paul was there.  He was like an angel of God’s presence, assuring her that all would be well.

Hour after hour Genelle had cried out for help.  It took more than a day for the rescue crew to locate her but only an instant for God to pinpoint her location.  When a psychiatrist, probing for symptoms of posttraumatic stress, interviewed her in the hospital, Genelle told him that God above was her psychiatrist.  “After all, God was there when I needed him.  He had made sure I was found.  He had comforted me and given me a new life.”

Like few others, Genelle knows the saving power of the One who revealed himself to her as Yahweh Shammah, the Lord who is there.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post with more marital insights.