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SECRETS FOR AN OVERLOADED SPOUSE

18 Aug

SECRETS FOR AN OVERLOADED SPOUSE

Do you remain firm in your love for your spouse when faced with hard circumstances?

1Cor.13:7 “…Love …endures all things…”

The word “endures” in the Greek is  “hupomeno” which means to stay under or remain.

In secular Greek, “hupomeno” was a military term used to refer to an army who is holding a position at all costs.

This would be a person who is under a heavy load but refuses to surrender to defeat.

He will stay put and refuse to leave because he knows that he is where he is suppose to be.

Do you endure in times of loneliness or loss?

If you are filled with the love of God and strengthened by the Holy Spirit, you can endure pain and suffering.

The early Christians and the apostles were able to endure suffering and torture, due to agape (love)for God.

Agape never quits or throws in the towel.

Are you patient and loving with your spouse with no desire to reject or retaliate?

Do you bear up under circumstances that seem impossible?

Example:  The formica japonica ants can lift and carry five times their weight.   God created them to endure hardness.

We were not made to endure heaviness with out the infilling of Gods Holy Spirit.

When your spouse is not successful at their attempts are you still cheerful and still standing?

We can never talk ourselves into agape (love) because we have no power within us.

Be honest with God and say, “I don’t love my spouse right now!!  I’m angry and have bad thoughts.”

You need to ask Jesus to fill you with His high-level love.

Here is an assignment for you to reach that higher-level.

  • Write down the 11 qualities of love in 1Cor.13.

As you think of each one, how are you measuring up?

Which ones are you strong in?

Which ones are you weak in?

Which ones do you need in your life right now?

  • Memorize 1Corinthians 13.

There is nothing more important in your life than letting God perfect His love in you.

Say, “I’m committed to be here in my marriage and to stay here and to work out our marriage.  I am not quitting no matter what the cost or time is to me.”

Don’t throw in the towel!

Jesus didn’t carry a towel with Him to Calvary.

Don’t carry one around in your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHEN MARRIAGE LOOKS IMPOSSIBLE

17 Aug

WHEN MARRIAGE LOOKS IMPOSSIBLE

When things look the worst, do you believe that God will work out his master plan in your life?

The Apostle Paul told the Corinth church, “…Agape (love)… believes all things…”

The word “believes” is the Greek word elpidzo which is that same as the word “hope.”

The word “believe” implies that love sees the best in others and chooses to believe the best and not the worst.

Paul is saying that we need to believe the best in our spouse unless they do something that convinces us otherwise.

Agape doesn’t mean that you have to be a “dumbbell”, because love has discernment and wisdom.

Avoid undue suspicion and regard your spouse as being good and honest.

This doesn’t just mean some of the time; this is a “never give up” kind of belief for every situation.

Love means that you have to show confidence.

CASE AND POINT:  I had a relationship with my mom that I never told her a lie.  She knew I could be trusted.  Many times this was upsetting to me because if she thought my older brother was lying, she would ask me to tell her the truth.  I hated tattling on him because he was always getting in trouble.  I had five brothers who always had a story that didn’t quite match the truth.  In the 60’s most of the teenage guys were experimenting with LSD.  Every time my mom saw him with his shades on, she would tell him, “You better not be on that LSD.”  His answer to her would be, “Well I wasn’t, but now I will since you don’t trust me anyway.”  I was forever telling her not to tell him that.  I didn’t want him to get mad and go do drugs.

Do you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt?

This doesn’t mean that you have to be GULLIBLE.

You still see “the good, the bad, and the ugly” things that people do, you just have to display love and confidence.

Our flesh is always ready to believe the worst about our spouse.

The opposite is that agape believes the best in your spouse.

Do you feel that if you trust your spouse with some aspect of your marital life, they will end up burning you again?

TRUST GOD!!

Doesn’t it make you feel ugly when you find out that your spouse is upset with you for something you never did?

Trust is not GRILLING your spouse for details.

You are not an attorney cross-examining a defendant!!

You are his COMPANION; you are his PLAYMATE!!

Let go of the “the good, the bad, and the ugly” and have fun!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT IS HIGH-LEVEL LOVE?

16 Aug

WHAT IS HIGH-LEVEL LOVE?

Do you make allowances for your spouse and endure whatever comes your way?

The Apostle Paul said, “Love…bears all things…”

In the Greek, the word “beareth” is stego which means “to cover”, just like a roof covers a house.

This word gives a picture of covering someone so they don’t get injured.

Love SUPPORTS what is placed on top of it and covers and protects what is placed under it.

Agape (love) patiently endures the faults of others especially from their spouse.

Are you operating in this kind of high-level love?

Love knows when and how to be SILENT.

In your marriage you have a choice of what kind of an attitude that you want to have.

It’s your CHOICE!!

Has there been a time in your marriage that you stood by your spouse’s side no matter what the cost?

The Holy Spirit wants to give you STRENGTH to endure anything that may come to destroy your marriage.

Love doesn’t look back but continues to the very end.

If you were on a tiny boat with your spouse and the boat sprung a leak, what would you do?

PANIC!!  And try to cover the hole so water couldn’t sink the boat.

A marriage in progress tries to “Save their Loveboat.”

This is exactly what spouses need to do for each other.

Agape covers negative things about others rather than putting a magnifying glass on them.

Do you exaggerate the negative areas in your spouse and don’t acknowledge the positive?

Do you plow down your spouse with sarcasm or put-downs?

Agape won’t lie about the weaknesses of others.

Don’t let bitterness control you instead cover your spouses faults and failures.

Go the extra mile to PROTECT your spouse’s reputation; don’t broadcast bad news.

You can’t sink his end of the “loveboat” without sinking yours.

Happy paddling!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NEVER REJOICE AT SPOUSES FAILURES

15 Aug

NEVER REJOICE AT SPOUSES FAILURES

Have you ever received news about a person who had hurt and disappointed you, was now going through difficult times?

Was your attitude, “Well, that is just what they deserve.”

God’s agape (love) does not react like that!

The Apostle Paul exhorted the Corinth church for reacting in a sinful manner.

“…love…does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth in the truth.”

Unrighteousness is the condition of not being right according to God’s standard.   It also means to not being right with man, according to what man knows to be right which is determined by his conscience.

Never rejoice at your spouse’s failures, even if it is a result of their own foolishness.

Remember, we need to be a soft pillow for them to fall on.

Prov.24:17 “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles”

Do you disregard what is right in God’s eyes concerning your spouse?

Do you change the boundaries because this is your spouse and you can do what you want?

In Mal.2:14-15, husbands are being exhorted for dealing treacherously with their wives.

Wives, you are not “off the hook.”

I know some wives who are extremely cruel to their spouses.

Many wives feel their husbands deserve punishment because of disrespect that is dished out to them by him.

In God’s kingdom, that is SIN!!

 Agape does not rejoice at another’s downfall.

That is PRIDE and God hates PRIDE!!

CASE AND POINT:  One of my children was always picking on their younger sibling.  Every time that would happen, I was getting madder and madder.  The punishment of my choice became more severe each time.  One evening I had a dream.  In this dream a duck turned and bit the face of this tiny cute “chickie.”  I was very hurt for the tiny chick.  As we walked out the door, I slammed the door on the duck.  I could here the duck quacking loudly.  I opened the door and let the duck loose.  When I woke up I was very upset at what I had done in the dream.   I realized what God was showing me.  The punishment has to fit the crime.  I was hurting someone smaller than me just like my older child was hurting the smaller child.  I felt TERRIBLE!!

We need to rejoice in what is truth and right in God’s sight; not draw our own conclusions as to what our spouse deserves.

Isa.5:20 “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Thess.2:11-12 “…they should believe a lie…be damned who believe not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.”

NEVER say, “Well, they finally got what they deserve!!”

Because you might get what you deserve!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

PRAISING GOD IN DIFFICULTIES

14 Aug

PRAISING GOD IN DIFFICULTIES

NO MATTER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES you face as a couple, nothing will refresh and energize your communication with God like praising Him.  A few of the many Scriptures that praise God also to encourage us to express our admiration of Him.  Consider the following psalms:

*  “And my tongue shall speak of your righteousness and of Your praise all the day long.”  Psa.35:28

*  “Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.”  Psa.100:4

*  “Praise the Lord!  For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful. (Psa.147:1)

Over the years we have learned to praise Him for:

*  Who He is—He is God almighty!

*  What He has done for us in the past, calling to mind in prayer His acts on our behalf.

*  What He has promised us in Scripture, including His pledge to never leave nor forsake us.

When we acknowledge God’s greatness in our lives, we remember who He really is and His great love for us.  We like what one couple told us: “We’ve learned to praise God, in the hard times and to call to Him and to lift His name high even when the circumstances look impossible or difficult.  “As a result, we’ve learned that praising God lifts us out of our challenges and realigns our hearts with His.

The next time you face a difficult circumstance, pause and begin to praise God for what you are facing.  Ask Him to fill you with His spirit and honor Him in the midst of your difficulty.

NOTE:  This article is from the Family life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

13 Aug

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1:  How can husbands and wives please each other more consistently?

Answer #1:  As you seek to learn what pleases your mate, consider the following top fives provided by Dr. Willard Harley in his book His Needs, Her Needs:

Top Five Ways for a Man

to Please His Wife

1.  Have a strong commitment to your family; make it a priority.

2.  Provide security:  emotional, financial, personal protection, etc.

3.  Be willing to be her partner, to share life with her in honest, open relationship.

4.  Talk with her in complete sentences; take time to discuss subjects with her.

5.  Provide nonsexual affection:  hugging, touching, tenderness, closeness that doesn’t demand a sexual response.

Top Five Ways for a Woman

to Please Her Husband

1.  Show your mate admiration and respect through verbal praise.

2.  Provide domestic support–help to keep the home in order.

3.  Be attractive; he wants to be proud of you.

4.  Offer recreational companionship.

5.  Help him to please you through an exciting, satisfying sexual union.

Paul wrote, “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification” (Rom.15:2).  Well, who is more your “neighbor” than your spouse, with whom you spend so many hours together every day?

NOTE:  This article was from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IS YOUR SPOUSE YOUR HOSTAGE?

12 Aug

IS YOUR SPOUSE YOUR HOSTAGE?

In a marital relationship, keeping score doesn’t reflect agape (love).

In 1Cor.13:5, the Apostle Paul told the Corinth church, “…love…thinketh no evil…”

The Greek for “thinketh” is logidzomai which is a bookkeeping term which implies making an entry in an accounting book.

Bookkeepers keep records in a detailed and logical manner.

A bookkeeper is able to give an exact account and itemized list which becomes a legal document.

CASE AND POINT:  In the 30’s, Al Capone was a Chicago gangster who was involved in many criminal acts.  He was a murderer, and an array of other crimes.  For years the FBI did everything to put him in prison but they could find no proof on him.  He bribed juries and bribed or killed anyone who got in his way.  Al Capones bookkeeper did what the entire FBI could not do.  In the 1931 trial, Al’s bookkeeper was their number one witness.  He was able to present and interpret the accounting books of the mob.  Al Capone was sentenced to 11 years for “tax evasion.”

Do you keep account of what your spouse inflicts just to pay them back?

Love doesn’t keep into account a wrong that is suffered

The Apostle Paul is exhorting the church not to keep records of those who injure you.

Do you keep flipping back to your old record book of wrongs?

Stop keeping score of your spouse’s offenses against you; it is sin!

Maybe you don’t write down on a notepad the wrongs your spouse has done to you but you do keep a mental checklist.

That list of your spouse’s wrongs can be very destructive to your marriage.

If you are keeping those mental records, remember that you are not granting your spouse the same mercy that God has granted to you.

Agape (love) doesn’t deliberately keep records of past mistakes.

Are you holding your spouse hostage because of actions you feel are violations against you?

If you have a hard time releasing your spouse from past offenses, this is a sign that you need agape (love) in your life.

THROW THAT DIARY AWAY!!!

If you want to bring unhappiness into your marriage, keep score of what your spouse does that offends you.

Love “remembers and then forgives.”

Get that “white out” out and cover over those offenses with LOVE!

Don’t let the past shape your future!

Don’t let the past shape your future!

DON’T LET THE PAST SHAPE YOUR FUTURE.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

IS YOUR MARRIAGE CHALLENGING? 

11 Aug

IS YOUR MARRIAGE CHALLENGING? 

Marriage can be very challenging during difficult times.

Do you ever show sudden violent emotions at your spouse?

1Cor.13:5 “…Love…is not easily provoked…”

The word “provoke”, means to poke, to prick or stick with a sharp instrument.

Do you cause your spouse to be upset?

A person who provokes, continues to do it till the recipient responses aggressively.

Do you easily fly off the handle?

In 1Cor.13:5, Paul is referring to a sinful anger that is never provoked in someone who has supernatural love.

Are you willing to endure insults from your spouse without reacting?

Prov.14:17 “A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.”

CASE AND POINT: I have never deliberately tried to make anyone mad in my life, however, I have made people mad at me at different intervals.  This happened once when we were on an outreach.  There was a table full of literature on “save the whales.”  There was a man and woman taking care of the display.  As I approached the woman, I told her that was a good cause, but that I hope she puts just as much effort into saving the “unborn child.”  She reacted in a way that totally startled me, and the gentleman whom she was working with.  She gave out a scream like a “wild banshee”, she gave a demonic look into my eyes, then leaped I don’t know how many feet into the air, over the table and aimed at my head.  I backed up just in time for her to miss me.  She hit the ground and looked disoriented.  The guy yelled at her and asked her what she was doing.  She was speechless and looked like she couldn’t believe how she behaved.  I knew that my questioning about abortion had provoked the enemy.   The people standing by her ran to get away from her.

Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit by being provoked or by provoking others.

You and I can’t do anything on our own strength.

Jesus’ life in us enables us to manifest his agape (love).

It is easy to be irritated with a spouse that is just plain annoying.

Remember that it is a sin to be provoked and it is not showing love.

Moses did not enter the promise land because he became provoked with the people of Israel (Num.20:2-11).

Don’t miss out on your promise land.

Don’t end up with a marriage full of regrets because you chose to be “easily provoked.”

Let it go and bathe yourself in Gods word and Gods love.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FIGHTING FOR YOUR OWN RIGHTS?

10 Aug

FIGHTING FOR YOUR OWN RIGHTS?

Selfishness means an excessive concern for oneself that exceeds self interests.

Does that sound like you as a spouse?

Do you seek your own pleasure over your spouses?

Do you seek to get the most profit out of situations?

Do you find yourself being envious when your spouse receives more honor than you do from friends and family?

A man is called selfish, not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbors – Richard Whately

The Apostle Paul was very upset with the Corinth church because they were selfish and genuine agape love is always unselfish.

1Cor.13:5 “…Charity…does not seek it’s own.”

The church in Corinth were fighting for their own rights, suing each other and not sharing their food.

AGAPE is never selfish!!!

The word “Seek” means an attempt to learn something by careful investigation or searching.

The phrase “Seek its own way” refers to a loveless person whose actions and desires are to have their own way.

In a marriage, this kind of relationship can be very painful.

Have you ever heard the expression, “It’s my way or the highway?”

Usually a person with that kind of attitude ends up on the highway alone.

CASE AND POINT:  As I was writing this post I couldn’t help but think of my older brother.  I remember after my father abandoned our family, as children we had to fend for ourselves.  We had to find work for anything we needed or wanted.  My older brother and I are 10 months apart in age.  When he would come home from working odd jobs in the neighborhood, he almost always would hand it over to my mom for our other four younger brothers so they could have food.  My heart always went out to him because our friends had their parents to provide for them and he loved to dress nice.  It may sound funny, but he was a “show off” with nothing to show off.  That made it even more painful for me because I loved him and knew how much he loved wearing nice clothes.  As an adult to sacrifice is one thing, but to find a teenager who continually sacrificed for his siblings is very hard to find.  We love and appreciate you Augie!

Seeking your own way is the number one element that causes discord in your home and marriage.

Selfish spouses use manipulation or scheming to get their own way.

If you manipulate, this is a sin because it is untruthful and dishonest.

Agape love never operates with a “secret agenda.”

God’s agape (love) searches our heart by his Holy Spirit to expose our destructive ego.

Do you harm your spouse in order to help yourself?

This is selfishness!!

Matt.20:28 “Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.”

Get out of your comfort zone.

Seek to find ways to be an asset to your spouse!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DO YOU OFFEND YOUR SPOUSE?

9 Aug

DO YOU OFFEND YOUR SPOUSE?

A trademark is a distinctive characteristic or attribute.

What is your distinct characteristic or attribute?

What are your distinguishing qualities?

There are positive and negative CHARACTERISTICS in everyone.

The Corinthian church was so rude that is became their “trademark.”

The Apostle Paul was so annoyed with them that he addressed it personally to them.

1Cor.13:5 “…Charity (agape love)…doth not behave itself unseemly…”

The word “unseemly” means rude.

This TYPE of person is tackless or thoughtless.

Do you offend your spouse?

Are you courteous and show good manners toward your SPOUSE?

When it comes to your spouse’s feelings do you try to be sensitive?

Do you put yourself FIRST or do you put your spouses interests first?

Love doesn’t keep track of wrongs.

Don’t keep track of your spouse’s SINS.

Is your language to your spouse harsh and brutal?

Did you PASS God’s high-level love test?

If you asked your spouse if you acted like an irritable person would his/her response be, very rarely?

Is your trademark that you FORCE yourself on your spouse and other people?

Love doesn’t elbow it’s way into conversations.

Here is a tragic story by Steven Cole:

A rude man would never open the car door for his wife.  He said, “She doesn’t have two broken arms.”  She died and at the burial the husband was standing by the funeral car where his wife’s casket lay.  The funeral director asked the husband, “Open the door for her, will you?”  As he reached for the car door, he realized he had never opened the door for her in his life.  In her death, it will be the first, last and only time he would do that for her.  He ended up living a life of torment and regret.

I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times I have talked to wives who have so many regrets after their husbands have left home or died.

What is YOUR trademark?

Did you pass God’s love test in 1Corinthians 13.

You can CHANGE your trademark today!

Let the Holy Spirit give you a godly trademark.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.