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LEARN TO LISTEN

3 Jul

LEARN TO LISTEN

Every cell phone user has experienced it at some point, and one company has built an entire advertising campaign around it:  While you are speaking to a spouse, a business contact, or a friend, the connection breaks—only you don’t know it immediately.  You continue to talk until you sense something is wrong and finally ask, “Are you still there?”

Dead silence or a static screech provide the answer—yes, indeed, the person on the other end is gone.  And then you wonder, Just how much of what I said wasn’t heard?

How often does this type of thing happen in your marriage?  One of you is talking, but no one is on the other end of the conversation.  Listening is not as easy as talking for most of us!  When Job told his friends, “Listen carefully to my speech, and to my declaration with your ears.”  he said it out of deep frustration (Job 13:17).  Remember that attentive listening encourages and blesses the speaker.

So the Bible urges us, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak” (James 1:19).  If you want the tension level in your marriage to decrease, then learn to become a better listener.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

2 Jul

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1:  How do husbands and wives differ regarding the sexual relationship.

Answer #1:  Sex is a beautiful God-given desire, that in many ways measures the depth of a marital relationship .  It often indicates the level of commitment and intimacy in other areas of the marriage.

For sex to be truly satisfying to both partners, each has to risk being totally open and vulnerable to each other.  Each person in the marriage should feel needed, wanted, accepted, and loved sacrificially.  One key to building this type of relationship is understanding the general differences between men and women in how they view sex.

Most men tend to focus on the physical aspect  of the  relationship.  They are stimulated, drawn, and captivated by the sight of their wives.  Sight, smell and the body stimulate a man.  A man needs respect, admiration, and to be needed physically.  Generally, men put a much higher priority on sex than woman do.

Women have a different orientation that demands a different approach.  Most women are more oriented to the relationship.  The woman desires emotional oneness.  Touch, attitudes, actions, words and the whole person stimulates the woman.  The woman needs understanding, love, to be needed emotionally, and time to warm up to the sexual act.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HEALING A BROKEN HEART

1 Jul

HEALING A BROKEN HEART

Yes, wash your hands!!  Why?

God’s word tells us to wash our hands for a very good reason.

Lev.15:11 “And whomsoever he toucheth that hath the issue, and hath not rinsed his hands in water, he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.”

These verses are to bring us to the realization that God’s laws are not there to hurt us but to protect us.

What makes the verses in Leviticus so odd for those days, is that 150 years ago surgeons did not even wash their hands before operating on someone.  Bacteria multiplies 281, 500, 000, 000, 000 times in 24 hours.

Stay with me now cause I’m going somewhere with this.  God divinely gave the Jews wisdom concerning physical cleanliness when at that time no other nation knew about bacteria.

Moses was way ahead of his time by thousands of years, giving them sanitation and health laws along with prevention and treatment of diseases.  HALLELUJAH!

God provided instructions that prevented us from becoming ill to begin with.

That excites me because YAHWEH ROPHE, “the Lord who heals, is the source of all healing.

He not only heals your body he heals your mind and soul.

YAHWEH ROPHE, “the Lord who heals”, can heal your marriage just put your trust in him.

Give him the time and liberty to search your heart and let him tell you what it contains.

If we ask for forgiveness and obey his word, he promises to heal you.

Ex.15:26 NKJV “If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all His statues, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians.  For I am the LORD who heals you.”

Jesus tells us that when a person is sick it doesn’t means that it is caused because of sin from the sick person. It can be because we are living in a sinful and fallen world.

For married couples, He provided moral laws to protect from spiritual diseases as well as physical illnesses.

It’s amazing how Jesus healed the blind in front of spiritually blind people.

Have faith and pray for healing knowing that YAHWEH ROPHE, is a God who heals.

Jas.5:14-15 “”…And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up.”

God heals the brokenhearted.

Psa.147:3 “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”

Let Him heal you.

Let Him heal your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

RECEIVE THE BIGGER MARITAL BLESSING

30 Jun

RECEIVE THE BIGGER MARITAL BLESSING

In a marriage, everyone expects the husband to be the provider.

In some marriages, the wife is the provider, which works out very well for some couples.

Every day we count on people and businesses to provide goods or services to meet a need in our life.

Because my husband and I travel quite a bit, we are always concerned about arriving at the airport and seeing that our flight has been cancelled.

CASE AND POINT:  My husband had an early flight out of Sacramento so he decided to stay at a hotel in that city.  He made his reservations and explained to them that he would not arrive till 11pm.  He preached that night out of town and he was going to drive to Sacramento.  When he arrived, they informed him that his room was given away.  He had already paid for it with a credit card and they had already received their money for the room.  They politely told him he would be credited on his credit card for his room.  My husband asked them to get him a room at another hotel.  They politely informed him that there were no more rooms in the city because a very important event was taking place in Sacramento and he would have to drive over an hour to get a room.  My poor husband spent the night in his car.  He was not a “happy camper”.  Actually, he felt so violated and was infuriated at their deceptiveness to give his room away.

There will be times in your life when you are counting on your spouse for something and they just won’t come through.

High expectations can cause an array of problems in a marriage.

Rather than allowing your marriage to take a beating, put your trust in  YAHWEH YIREH.

Pray to YAHWEH YIREH,  who is the God who sees the situation before hand and will provide for your needs.

YAHWEH YIREH has provided joy and laughter for you through the turbulent times.

YAHWEH YIREH has provided for you rest during times of hard work.

YAHWEH YIREH has provided for you food when your pantry was empty.

YAHWEH YIREH has provided for you shelter when you could not afford or find anything comfortable.

Gen.22:1-14, God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son on an altar.  When he was ready to kill his son, God intervened and provided a ram to sacrifice on the altar instead.  So Abraham named the place “The Lord Will Provide.”

Because Abraham obeyed God, he was blessed with a long life, many children, wealth and a spiritual legacy.

Your small steps of obedience will lead to larger ones and you will receive bigger blessings.

Obedience is the key to marital wisdom, strength, and resistance to temptation.

Maybe airports can cancel flights but our God will never cancel the promise he made to Abrahams descendants.

We are Abraham’s descendants.

Trust God to provide!

NOTE:  Daily there is a post to help your marriage succeed.

ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE

29 Jun

ENJOY YOUR MARRIAGE

God desires that we be grateful for every day that passes.

His desire is that we use everyday to ENJOY our marriage and to gather wisdom to make everyday more understanding than the day before.

Psa.90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

Do we treasure each day?

CASE AND POINT:  There is a garment which is a mobility restricting bodysuit called a Third Age Suit.  It was made to show the loss of mobility which can occur in the aging process or other clinical conditions.  It also gives you a better understanding of the mental aspects.

Everyone is aware that old age brings physical loss but it also includes loss of independence, self-esteem and pride.

There are many questions as to why God designed our bodies to DETERIORATE but it could be that some people live as though this world is all there is.

The only one who lives forever is God, EL OLAM.

OLAM is a Hebrew word translated “eternal” or “everlasting”.

EL OLAM has the meaning “Eternal God” or “Everlasting God.”

This knowledge in our marriage should cause a reaction for us to be humble and stay focused.

Focused, because every day matters and humble, because we realize our limitations.

Old age is a blessing in disguise because the physical decline presses us TOWARDS God.

Jesus assured us that there is eternal life in John 3:16.

The eternal God, EL OLAM, wants a people that he can eternally love.

Live your marital life as in a way that expresses heaven as your true home.

Realize that God’s promises for our marriage will NEVER fail us.

Praise God for your husband’s limitations and yours.

Are you running out of STRENGTH in your marriage?

Are you running out of power in your marriage?

God GIVES strength to the weary and power to the weak.

If you feel that you have a weak marriage you can ask the Holy Spirit to fill it with His power.

Thank God for everything that is working well in your SPOUSES body.

Thank God for everything that is working well in your body.

Stop complaining about the areas in your marriage that are FRUSTRATING.

Start being GRATEFUL for the areas in your marriage that are strong.

Do something productive in your marriage today because you won’t be able to ever relive it again.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE 

28 Jun

STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE 

Every marriage has an “event planner.”

I am not talking about a “wedding planner.”

This is an event planner to guide your marriage to be successful in the future.

The name of your “event planner” for your marriage is EL SHADDAI.

The Hebrew EL SHADDAI, is translated “God Almighty.”

God’s covenant name EL SHADDAI, “God Almighty”, what does it mean in your life?  Nothing can prevent God Almighty from carrying out His plans for your life or prevent him from pouring out His blessings into your life.

There are many wives who feel that their spouses have ruined their lives.

Many wives feel that had they married “Prince Charming”, surely things would turn out better.

The devil is lying to you sister, Big Time!!

You need to know God as the ALL-POWERFUL God which nothing is impossible for Him.

Just like He told Abraham in Gen.17:1-2, He is telling you, “I am God Almighty (El Shaddai); walk before me and be blameless.”

As long as you follow God, there is no power on heaven or earth that can hinder His plans for you.

Just like God made a covenant to Abraham, He has made a COVENANT with you to assist you through the tough times in your marriage.

When you are at your weakest, God can show His strength for you and in you.

When you feel that your marital problems are overbearing, turn in faith to EL SHADDAI, almighty, all-powerful God.

Be confident in God’s ability to bless you and sustain you.

You cannot depend or put your trust in God Almighty if you have a HABIT of worrying about your marriage.

Who has protected you up to now?

Who has SUSTAINED you and fed you up to now?

Who has given you refuge up to now?

God will use anything the evil one throws at you to destroy you, and change it to bless your life if you will TRUSTin Him.

Are you experiencing difficulty in your marriage?

Are you struggling with PAINFUL hurts from your marriage?

Are you confused about the future of your marital status?

God Almighty, EL SHADDAI, is your “event planner.”

He has a plan for your life and He is on your side.

Ask God to ENABLE you to see Him for who He is.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DREAMS COME TRUE FOR ME

27 Jun

DREAMS COME TRUE FOR ME

 Today is our anniversary, 53 years together!  Yesssss!!!  We met when I was 15 and he was 16 years old.  A few months after I turned 16 we started dating.  It seems like yesterday.  Where did the almost 57 years go?

My older brother (10 months older than me) was in a band with Richard.  When I met my husband and the more I got to know him, I thought he was the nicest guy I had ever met.  I remember telling my brother that if I ever had a boyfriend like Richard, I would do everything to make it work.  He was very polite and courteous.  We were friends for about 3 months and went places with my brother and other friends.

Then one day he let me know that he liked me.  I was a little upset because it took him so long to let me know.  He told me that my brother told him I didn’t like guys to flirt with me.  Which was true.  He then told him not to ask me out or I would probably quit talking to him.  I told my brother that I was talking about his other friends but not Richard.   This was in 1965.

We were married four years later.  It was the greatest day of my life.  My father, who had abandon my mother and I along with my five brothers, never showed up to the wedding.  I waited in the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle and when I realized he wasn’t coming, I asked my little brother to walk me down.  I didn’t care because I knew I was marrying the greatest man I had ever met and he loved me.  It was in 1969 that I married my best friend and the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

  Life has not been problem free, but we have been committed to each other every day of our married life.

I give God all the honor and glory because He has been the lover of our soul.  Without Him we are nothing and can do nothing.

Yes, dreams do come true with the leading of the Holy Spirit.  IT HAPPENED TO ME!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help our marriage succeed.

TAKE TIME TO LAUGH

26 Jun

TAKE TIME TO LAUGH

Bildad the Shuhite didn’t get many things right in his conversation with Job, but he did make at least one accurate statement.  He told Job that God “will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing” (Job 8:21).  Laughing is crucial for building a close relationship, and that’s as true in marriage as it is anywhere.  Consider a few ideas on how to bring a smile on your mate:

*  Become a student of what pleases your mate.  What brings a smile to the face?  What tickles the funny bone?  Keep a list filled with ideas on what makes your partner happy.

*  What made your spouse laugh in the first place?  You don’t always need new material!  This “audience of one” will appreciate the old gags, expressions, and words that first sparked laughter in your relationship.

*  Do something absolutely unplanned and positively spontaneous.  Marriage has robbed many a relationship of its fun.  We forget what it’s like to drop everything and do something for the sheer fun of it.

*  Relive the times you have enjoyed the most pleasure and fun together.  Some of the great laughs came about spontaneously because you were together doing fun stuff.

*  Learn the art of not taking each other or life too seriously.  Life has a way of becoming heavy and weighing you down.  If you’re not careful, you will lose the sheer joy of being together.

*  Spend focused, regularly scheduled time together.  Barbara and I have a Sunday night date.  Often we do the same things we did while dating.  Because we are together, away from the usual distractions and pressures, there’s a good chance we will have some fun.

*  Read your spouse a funny story.  Call from work to share a humorous situation.  Don’t be guilty of always dumping heavy emotional loads on your spouse!  Liberally sprinkle the dust of comic relief.

*  Do something frivolous with your spouse.  When was the last time you did something very silly with your wife or husband—something that couldn’t help but provoke laughter?  You took those risks when you dated.  Why not try them again?

Laughter is a gift that helps keep life in balance and put some frosting on the joy God has promised us even in the middle of difficult times.  Ecclesiastes says there is an appointed time for everything—and that includes a time to laugh (Ec. 3:4).

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

CLOSETING YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT

25 Jun

CLOSETING YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT

We know all too well the mindset that prompted Job to cry out, “May the day perish on which I was born, and the night in which it was said, ‘A male child is conceived'” (Job 3:3)

Both Barbara and I have on occasion closeted our discouragement.  Instead of working out the dark emotions, we try to tuck it all away, like a box full of Christmas ornaments in an obscure closet.  The problem is that unresolved discouragement and disillusionment can easily replace faith and expectancy.  We’ve found that it’s much healthier, spiritually speaking, if we open the closet door, bring them out and discuss our disappointment.  With God first, but also with another.

Do you closet your own disappointment with God?  Do you ever become dishonest with God and put on an external spiritual veneer that says, “All is well”?

Unprocessed discouragement results in mistrust—and at this critical point the enemy of our souls has us exactly where he wants us.  Paralyzed in unbelief from the neck down, our eyes see and our minds know what we ought to believe, but the faith of our hearts lies frozen.  And a subtle mistrust of God sets in.

Dealing with “Why did God allow that?” is never easy.  But in a relationship where expectations have gone unmet and discouragement has taken up residence, it is essential that the problem be processed.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NOTE:  This article is  from the Book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

 UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSES FEELINGS

24 Jun

 UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSES FEELINGS

The word “dialogue” means a discussion between two persons intended to produce an agreement.

Dialogue is a gift you give to one another and it has no strings attached.

During confrontation, it is important that the communication lines stay OPEN.

Remember that the purpose of dialogue is to help you understand your spouse’s feelings.

Don’t focus on CHANGING your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Don’t focus on manipulating your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Try to not concentrate on how your partner thinks but how your partner feels.

It is your RESPONSIBILITY to try to understand and accept your spouse as he is.

Women are more relational then men because that is the way their brains are made.

Women communicate with their mothers, sisters, friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, and are usually easier conversationalists with strangers.

A woman’s God-given role is to be her husbands “helpmeet”.

When a wife adapts herself to her husband’s way of communicating, it is just another way of her fulfilling her role as a “helpmeet.”

When women are asked what her ideal husband would be like, she usually describes her best friend.

Wives don’t REALIZE that they are made to be different than their husbands and communicate different.

This is why woman are the ones who should learn to change.

CASE AND POINT:  Many years ago, my husband started to go through a different stage in his life.  God spoke to my heart that I would have to learn who this different thinking husband was and adjust to what his needs are now.  I started to get upset thinking that I am me and couldn’t change for him.  How do I even know what kind of a wife he needs?  Also, how do I know that I’m even capable of changing?   Third, what if I don’t want to change?  I realized that every decade “Cher” changes in order to survive and support herself.  She sang with her husband, then had a variety show ?  She changed her music style and made more albums.  All this she did for the almighty dollar.  If “Cher” could do that for money and fame, I could change to glorify God and please my husband.  SO I DID!!   It wasn’t easy, but I did it with the leading of the Holy Spirit and the love of God. Monday we will be married 53 years.  Hallelujah!!

Prov.21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

This is saying that a man would rather be alone in the world than to be in a house with an angry and argumentative woman.

You will NEVER get the results that you want by nagging.

A man will eventually shut down and withdraw if nagged because it is so demeaning to him.

You might be GLOATING because you have your husband do everything that you want  but is he holding resentment against you?

It is fine to remind your husband to do something again, but don’t say it in a demoralizing way.

Listen to your TONE of voice and to what exactly you are saying before you say it.

Don’t make statements like, “How many times do I have to say this before your brain understands it?”

SHOW YOUR HUSBAND RESPECT!!

Gal.5:15 NLT “But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out!  Beware of destroying one another.”

The key to warming your husband’s heart is to show him “respect.”

This is your husband’s lifeline.

According to God’s principles, he does not have to earn RESPECT, you are commanded to show him respect out of duty.

We are taught in God’s word that gentleness and reverence are what will win a disobedient husband over.

Do you want your husband to be more RECEPTIVE when you talk?

Good!!  Give the poor guy the respect he craves.

Once you decide to change and humble your STUBBORN self to the Lord’s way, you will be shocked at what will happen to your husband.

Take the first step and begin to invest in your husband and in your marriage.

There will be a change as soon as your speech becomes CONstructive instead of DEstructive.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.