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SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

13 Apr

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

There have been many questions on the subject of dating.  Since there are not scriptures in the bible directly related on courtship, I have hesitated to address this subject.  Today what I will post, will be as close to Gods word as I can get.  Much of it will be my opinion and the wisdom of God through the experience of decades of pastoring.  Sad to say, but the couples that didn’t follow our guidelines, have had many marital problems and many are not married today.

Question #1.  Is it okay to date?  What are your guidelines for dating?  What does the bible say about dating?

Answer #1.

First,  in answer to the question about what the bible says about dating, there are no direct guidelines.

Second, in answer to the question is it okay to date, I would need more information on what is their interpretation of dating.

Third, in answer to the question, what are the guidelines for dating, read the following:

1.  We always suggest that the couple who first starts liking each other, Pray.  The bible says to “make your requests be known to God.”  If singles try out the person before praying, there will be a lot of broken hearts in the process.  Remember that the person you are interested in, could one day be some one elses future mate.  At this point, they should observe their spiritual walk.  Are they at church, prayer, and ministry.  Try not to communicate with them at this point because your emotions will run away with you.  Your decision to continue on with the relationship will be based on emotions not from a divine answer from God.

2.  After you have prayed and feel assured that this is the right person, we suggest that they get to know each other in a group setting.  This is usually at church, church functions, ministry functions and casual events.  So much is accomplished in this setting.  You both get to observe each other, around other people.   They say if a wife wants to learn what her husband enjoys, just invite the guys from his work over for a bar-b-que.  As she listens to the conversation, she will learn a lot about her husband.  Group observation is of the utmost importance.  During the praying period, they can also be in a group setting but we have found it is best not to inform anyone else that they are interested in each other.  This will keep from getting a lot of people involved if there is a decision to not go ahead with the relationship.  Don’t pair off.

3.  Once you have prayed, observed the person with their peers and are even more convinced this could be the right person for you, then there should be more one-on-one conversation.  At this point, we suggest that they should not be out alone.  At this point, you should start asking many questions.  I tell the women to be nosey about everything.  Past marriages or relationships.  Find out why they did not work out.  Do they have children?  Recreational activities, family relationships, career, boundaries, children, future vision, and dislikes.  You must know what they expect in a spouse.  There should be an array of questions answered at that point.  If you are intimidated to ask, this will continue on in your relationship.

4.  Now is the time that the man definitely should speak with their clergy.  They have now prayed, observed, and have enquired from each other if they are even compatible.  The intention of the clergy conversation should be for engagement.  If it is not, then it looks like he is just playing with her emotions and he has no intentions of ever marry her.  If he says he does have intentions, but it will be years before he is ready to marry, that is very unfair to the girl.  If she agrees that she would like time before engagement, then at that point they should come to some kind of an agreement.  On many occasions, we suggest that they cancel the relationship till they are ready to be engaged.  This helps the couples to not become physically involved but the choice is theirs.

5.  Choose to keep your relationship at a friendship level.  At this next stage there is a lot of temptations to overcome. Remember, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”  1Cor.6:19-20 NIV  Christians are held to a higher standard than the world.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God.  We suggest that they not get involved with each others family.  They are not engaged and it makes it real hard on family if it doesn’t work out.  The family takes it harder than the couples themselves.

6.  Choose not to kiss or have sexual relations.  A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man instantly.  Include others to be around you that way physical issues will be less distracting.   Always treat each other with respect.

7.  The last stage is engagement.  At this point we then tell the couple they must be very careful.  The devil will hit them with every kind of temptation.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if it has excellence  or is praiseworthy–think about such things.”  Phil.48 (NIV)

Once again, we have found that the many couples who have embraced these guidelines, have kept their virginity till married.  They have excellent marriages and continue to honor God by practicing morality towards their wife.  Although the guidelines seem stringent, the couple admit that when they have children, they will want them to practice celibacy till marriage.  Keep in mind all the different kinds of venereal diseases that condoms cannot protect from.  Gods word always condemns immoral actions.

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily  we have a new post.

DEAL or NO DEAL?

12 Apr

DEAL or NO DEAL?

A few years ago, a relative told us about the TV program “Deal or No Deal.”  They told us how they knew a lot of people who have made watching that program a habit.  I have seen it on before, but I have never watched a whole program.  I think it must be nerve wracking for the contestant because they have to pick one item and let the other items go.  That is not an easy choice, because if it is wrong, they have lost money.  They look like they have lost 20 lbs. in 5 minutes.

I thought about that game because in Christianity every day the devil plays “Deal or No Deal” with us.   He always tries to get us to deal with wrong attitudes the wrong way.  We are at a huge advantage because we know Gods blessings and rewards by not yielding to the evil one, yet we struggle within ourselves.

“Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.  (James 1.21)

In the Greek, the words “lay aside”, gives the impression of someone who is laying something down at the same time he is pushing it far away and beyond reach.

What is it in your marriage that causes you to have a bad attitude?

Is there something that you need to LAY DOWN and push far away and beyond your reach?

In James we are told to make a list.  In this list we should have items called FILTHINESS.

The word “filthiness” in the Greek means morally corrupt or dirty.  It is impure and unholy affections.  It is from “rhuparos” meaning cheap or shabby; foul; dirty; moral wickedness.

You can be vexed by the immorality that is in your workplace even though you do not participate in it.

You might be JUSTIFYING the immoral decisions that close friends or family may be indulging in.

You might find yourself watching programs or listening to music that contain parts of immorality in them.

There is a great blog, barbaracasasblog.wordpress.com, which contains insight on today’s artists that our youth consider idols.  These artists are full of an array of wickedness.

James goes on to say, “superfluity of naughtiness” which in the Greek means AN OVER ABUNDANCE OF EVIL.

Keep in mind that what the world calls evil and what God calls evil, are two different things.

This is exactly why Gods word constantly tells us to hide Gods word in our HEART so that we will not sin against him.

The next thing we are told to do is,” …receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.”

This means to receive with humility the implanted word of God that has the power to save your soul.

Do you recognize WRONG ATTITUDES in your life that need changing?

How about patterns of behaviors that need changing?

Are there BAD HABITS you have not been able to overcome?

Are there bondages that you need deliverance from?

In James verses 19-21 is a test of Christian living.

Anger

In James verses 19-20, the subject of anger is brought up.

There are four kinds of dispositions:

  1. Those easily angered and easily pacified.
  2. Those easily angered and difficult to appease.
  3. Those not easily angered and easily appeased.
  4. Those not easily angered and difficult to appease.

James 1:20 says, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

When you allow anger in your marriage, you cannot meet God’s requirement of being a righteous person.

We find COMFORT in attending church as if we are meeting all the requirements of being a Christian.

Christianity is allowing Gods Holy Spirit complete control and repenting of the areas that we fall short in.

Lay the anger down, and push it away beyond your reach.

With God, it is a Deal or No Deal!

Righteousness and unrighteousness cannot live in the same person.

Right this minute allow the HOLY SPIRIT in your life and in the center of your marriage.

The Holy Spirit is your guide, teacher, comforter, and everything that you need to succeed in your marriage.

PRAISE GOD!  He hasn’t left us alone!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

IN LAWS are not OUTLAWS

11 Apr

IN LAWS are not OUTLAWS

In-laws are an extension of your family.

You are connected through God’s laws and man’s laws.

I will be using different comments from the book “Woman, a formula for victorious living”, by Lu Ann Bransby.

Do not talk about your husband’s family.  He loves his family and so should you even if they are unlovable.

The bible prophesied there would be discord between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law.  Lk.12:53 “…The mother-in-law shall be divided against the daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against the mother-in-law…”

God left an example of what a mother-in –law and daughter-in-law relationship should be like.  Ruth 1:16-17

We are commanded to respect our mother-in-law.  Mk.10:19 “Thou knowest the commandments…Honour thy father and mother.”

Prov.23:22 “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old.”

Not showing love to your in laws will damage your relationship with your husband and you have to blame yourself.

If they try your patience, God tells us to be patient.  (Rom.12:9-18) This scripture also tells us to be hospitable.

We are commanded to forgive our in-laws if they have wronged us, even if they don’t ask us for forgiveness. Matt.6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you: but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your father(God) forgive your trespasses.”

Don’t be guilty of being a busy body in your in-laws affairs. 1Pet.4:15 “Let none of you suffer as a…busybody in other men’s matters.”

The bible says that we are not to speak evil against our in laws or argue with them.   We are to be tenderhearted.  Eph.4:31-32 “Let all…anger and evil speaking, be put away from you…and be tenderhearted…”

We should be honest and forthright and at peace with them.  (Rom.12:17-18)

We shouldn’t complain to our husband about his family.  We should take our complaints to the Lord.  (Psa.55:2)

We should never covet anything our in-laws have, for covetousness is idolatry and sin.  Col.3:5-6 “Mortify therefore your members which are upon this earth;… covetousness which is idolatry.”

Treat your in laws the way you would like for them to treat you.  Matt.7:2 “…and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

The bible commands us to respect and listen to our parents (and in laws).  Prov.23:22

Don’t be jealous over your husband’s relationship with his parents.  Jealousy is sin  Song of Solomon 8:6 “…Jealousy is as cruel as the grave…”

Never make fun of your in laws.  Eph.5:4 “…nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Be good to your in laws. Jas.4:17 “Therefore to him (her) that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him (her) it is sin.”

TESTIMONY:

I would like to take a minute to tell you about my experience with my in laws.  As I was growing up, my mother always said to marry a guy who grew up in a good family.  She would stress the fact I should get to know all the family members and to make sure they had good morals.  I thought my mother was nuts!  I didn’t care what a guys parents were like, he better be cute and nice.  Well, when I met my husband, I remembered what my mom said.  I just loved his parents.  I totally adored his mom.  They treated my husband like he was a piece of gold.  I appreciated all the 18 years that they put into his life.  I told myself, that for the rest of my life, I would treat them with love and respect.  Well, I got to put my love for them to practice.  For 17 years my father-in-law got to live with us before he died.  Also, my mother-in-law has lived with us for the last 23 years.  She has been a loving grandmother to my children, and an excellent mother-in-law to me.  It has been, such a privilege to have my children live in a home filled with the love of parents and grandparents.  This is something that I did not have as a child.  I can’t even express the joy that I had to see my child bring so much fulfillment to my in laws.

My heart goes out to many of you who don’t have great in laws.  Always remember that Gods grace is in our lives in abundance if we take these issues to him.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

WIVES – MASTER SCULPTORS

10 Apr

WIVES – MASTER SCULPTORS

The fifth thing a husband can’t do without is for his wife to be PROUD OF HIM.

He needs your Admiration!!

A sculptor is an artist who shapes a hard material (stone, wood, etc.) by shaving or chipping away at it.

Wives are masters at sculpting.

They say that when a woman marries a man, she can’t wait to change him. When a man marries a woman, he hopes she will never change.

When you tell your husband that you think he is wonderful, he is ENERGIZED to do more.

It inspires him to handle new responsibilities and to perfect his skills.

Your appreciation of him brings more SATISFACTION than his paycheck.

Behind every man should be an admiring wife.

Instead of an admiring wife, there ends up being a wife with a CHISEL in her hand ready to sculpt a change in him.

In Dr. Laura Schlessingers book, “The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands”, has some very interesting things to say.

She states in her book that a smart wife doesn’t start chipping away at who he is and what he does.

How would you feel if you married your husband and he walks through the door with a life size COOKIE CUTTER of the ideal wife he wanted and you have to measure up to that.

As ridiculous as it sounds, this is what wives do to husbands.

It is under the umbrella of  “I am trying to help him.”

It is in the same drawer with your chisel and it looks like a chisel.

Men first YEARNED for their mothers’ acceptance, approval, and appreciation, and then their wives’.

When a wife gives them the three A’s, acceptance, approval, and appreciation, a husband will do anything to please her.

To keep a husband, you need to admire him for the things he ENJOYS and wants to do also.

If you don’t, he will perceive himself as being an annoyance and irrelevant to his wives’ more important motivations.

Laura has the following in her book:

“Wives want romance, hugs, kisses, and surprises.  They would get more of these things if they hadn’t just told hubby he was stupid or that a time out with the guys was tantamount to abandonment…or that four hours out of 168 to himself is being overly selfish or self-indulgent.” (4hrs. in a week)

There was a time many years ago, when my husband had to travel quite a bit to our other churches.  The weight and heaviness was starting to get me down.  I read a book about Oral Roberts.  His wife said that there was a place in Palm Springs that he would go to in order to clear his mind and hear from God.  When she saw him flustered, she would tell him he needed to get away.  I noticed that when my husband was away, he would come back energized.  He would be renewed.  When he got away, he could see the ministry with revelation.

I am not suggesting that all husbands take off nor spend large portions of time away.

Women are often attracted to someone who is athletic, musical, etc.

Then after marriage or as time passes, they don’t want them to go to practice and then not to do it anymore.   Nothing!!

Your responsibility is to SUPPORT HIM in whatever brings him joy or energy.

Marriage means we share—but it also means we support the individuality necessary for mental and emotional health, spiritual growth, and ultimate well-being of the relationship.

Without this healthy balance, a marriage can decay or dissolve.

Okay girls.  Put the chisel down!!!

Your marriage can become an overfilled pressure cooker, unless you have necessary OUTLETS.

Stress many times is released with quiet contemplation or a complete change in activity.

Men need some SPACE away from femininity and domesticity at times, in order to reassert their important masculinity.

I have to tell you something that I see quite a bit. Wives that have several close sisters almost always make the holiday plans.  You just know on holidays their poor husbands don’t have a chance to make decisions for his family.  They have to go to her family and he has to do what her sisters want to do even though he works hard and it’s his holiday also.   At the beginning of the marriage, he probably wanted to do some fun things.  Now he just goes with the program but has nothing to look forward to.  It’s the same people with the same conversations.

GIVE HIM A BREAK, GIRLS!!!   Let him plan the next holiday away from the same-old-same-old.

If your family gets their back up, then you know you are in bondage. Lol!!  They should be excited for you!

Remember the three A’s: Acceptance, Approval and Appreciation.  These are all a part of admiration.

ADMIRATION is an expression of your love.

1Cor.13:3  “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.”

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

FANTASY CASTLE FOR HIM

9 Apr

FANTASY CASTLE FOR HIM

Yes, men do dream of having their “fantasy castle”.

I am sure everyone has heard of the saying that, “A mans home is his castle.”

BUT IS THAT TRUE??

My husband is artistic, so he loves to pick where we live and how it will be decorated.

Thank God we have the same taste or it would be a mess.

We will continue on with some comments from the book, “His needs, her needs”, by Willard F. Harley Jr.

A man’s fantasy goes something like this:

His home life is free of stress and worry,

After work, his wife greets him lovingly at the door and

Their well-behaved children are also glad to see him.

He enters the comfort of a well maintained home

As his wife urges him to relax before having dinner.

Conversation at the dinner is enjoyable and

Free of conflict.

Later the family goes out together for an early evening stroll, and

He returns to put the children to bed

With no hassle or fuss.

Then he and his wife relax and

Talk together,

Watch a little television, and,

At a reasonable hour, go to bed to make love.

Does this look like what happens in your home nightly?

How many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare?

The “man’s fantasy” has become the “woman’s fantasy” as well.  They both want to relax after a stressful day at work.

Do you use your time wisely?  Prov.31:27 “She looketh well to the ways of her household (is a good manager, is economical) and eateth not the bread of idleness.”

Once you get home, be careful not to spend extra time on the phone talking to friends.

Also, watch your social networking time because time can pass quickly.

Are you a good homemaker?  Titus 2:5 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home (homemakers), good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

Be sure to get rid of clutter.  Whatever your husband is asking for you to do, you should spend time completing.

Do you teach your children about God?  Isa.54:13  “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children.”

Try to be creative.  Ken and Trudy Blount have many resources for family.  They have one book that has an array of ideas for everyday to do activities with your children.  It has been highly recommended!

Do you allow angry words in your home?  Eph.4:26 “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”

It only takes one person to stop a fight.  All day you have been a  testimony to your coworkers, now be a testimony to your own family.

Do you lust at what your neighbor has?  Luke 12:15 “…take heed and beware of covetousness: for a mans (woman’s) life consists not in the abundance of the things which he (she) possesseth.”

The devil tells all of us that we are working for nothing.  He always shows us someone who is in a better financial standing then us to get us to covet.  Don’t go for his tricks.

On Sunday does your family drop everything and go to church?

Ex.20:8-10 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy…the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord thy God…”

Prepare the day before for church.  This way everyone gets up and knows exactly what they are suppose to be doing.

In Lu Ann Bransby’s book “ Woman”, she lists 8 ways to have a happy household.

  1. Repent of your sins and turn away from them.
  2. Dedicate your house and everything in it to God.
  3. Keep yourself and your family pure.  Do not have sex with anyone who is not your spouse…No sexual fantasies, objects, literature, TV shows.
  4. Do not drink, take drugs, or us foul language.  Treat each other the way you would like to be treated.
  5. Go to church together.
  6. Use self-control in all things.
  7. Read the bible and pray together.
  8. Love your neighbor.

Your husband’s home is his castle.

Let him make DECISIONS for his own home!!!

Or is your husband just a guest and can’t make the decision?

I HOPE NOT!!!!!

Whose castle is it anyway????

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

HORRID BLIND SPOT

8 Apr

HORRID BLIND SPOT

The third thing that your husband needs is a GOOD LOOKING wife.

In the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn, I will be using some comments and statistics.

A wife’s blind spot is that she doesn’t know how important it is to her husband that she takes care of her looks and doesn’t look like a slouch around him.

Statistics show that women spend 40% of their free time on social networking.

This statistic shows where women today are setting their priorities.

When a survey was done, seven out of ten men indicated they would be EMOTIONALLY bothered if their wife let herself go and didn’t make the effort to do something about it.   These are happily, married, younger, church going men.

83% of men said that he wants his wife to look and feel good.  She doesn’t have to look the way she did the day they met, but it’s important that she makes an effort to look good now.

97% of men said they would be willing to make an effort to help their wives do what’s necessary to get in shape.

The effort you put into your appearance is extremely HIGH on his priority list.

Husbands feel it affects him because it affects his wife’s ability to do things and her self-worth and her desires.

Your dress is also important to God.  1Tim.2:9 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety…”

The word “shamefacedness” in the Greek implies  to dress with reverence towards God.

Here are some areas for you to consider:

FIRST, celebrate our God-given individuality and body—make the best of it.

Most husbands don’t want their wife to be so super sensitive about their bodies.

Husbands don’t care if you have a PERFECT body or not.

You are the one who cares!!

SECOND, be careful that you are not trying to be a size 2.

THIRD, we need to accept how complicated and hypersensitive the appearance issue is for both partners.

You liked that he enjoyed your looks during courtship, but many women feel outright resentful that her appearance still matters so much to him now.

We need to show our man that we’re willing to make the effort to ADDRESS something that is very important to him.

Your effort matters most!!!

The fact that you are willing to make the effort to take care of yourself FOR HIM is the point.

This is BIG!!

Those of us who don’t believe in divorce may need to own up to a sneaking COMPLACENCY.

Because our husbands have pledged their faithfulness for a “better or for worse”, and because we know “it’s what’s inside that counts,” we can easily migrate to the idea that what’s outside doesn’t matter.

Our husbands end up feeling disregarded, disrespected, and hurt, when we willingly ignore what is on the outside.

Our husbands FEEL LOVED and cared for when we make the effort.

Happiness in your marriage does depend on your appearance.

Your husband wants to be proud of you!!!!

Here are areas that you can cover:

FIRST, are you practicing weight control?

Once again, you don’t have to be a size 2.

You just have to be a healthy size.

There are an array of diets and exercises in the internet.

SECOND, are you using make up properly?

Do you over do it with the makeup or under do it?

Do you just put it on during the week but omit weekends when with your husband?

THIRD, does he like your hairstyle?

Ask him!!

Current hairstyles may not be attractive to him.

He might be tired of your current hairstyle.

FOURTH, do your clothes fit you right?

Are your clothes to tight and showing your bulges?

Are your clothes to baggy because you lost weight?

You don’t need expensive clothes.

Never wear something you have worn the day before.

FIFTH, how is your personal hygiene?

Are you taking care of your teeth?

Are your clothes clean?

SIXTH, watch your posture.

SEVENTH,  watch your gestures.

Try to always smile.

EIGHTH, do you make the most of what you have?

You don’t need to have a perfect body or looks.

Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

7 Apr

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People–What do

you expect from such simple

creatures.  Your last name stays put.  The

garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take

care of themselves.  Chocolate is just

another snack.  You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.  You can

wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The

world is your urinal.  You never have to

drive to another gas station restroom

because this one is just too icky.  You

don’t have to stop and think of which

way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Same work,

more pay.  Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rental – $100.

People never stare at your chest when

you’re talking to them.  New shoes don’t

cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30

seconds flat.  You know stuff about

tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only

one suitcase.  You can open all your own

jars.  You get extra credit for the

slightest act of thoughtfulness.  If

someone forgets to invite you, he or she

can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three–

pack.  Three pairs of shoes are more

than enough.  You almost never have

strap problems in public.  You are unable

to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original

color.  The same hairstyle lasts for years,

maybe decades.  You only have to shave

your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.. One

wallet and one pair of shoes–one color

for all seasons.  You wear shorts no

matter how your legs look.  You can “do”

your nails with a pocket knife.  You have

freedom of choice concerning growing a

moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25

relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle

it and to the men who will enjoy reading

it.

NOT WRITTEN BY NANCY SALAZAR

(But because I was raised with five brother, boy do I agree with most of this.  lol!)