ADJUSTING TO ONE ANOTHER

ADJUSTING TO ONE ANOTHER

     In marriage, God brings together two people of differing backgrounds, tastes, and outlooks-and that means issues of adjustment, I’m sure you’ve noticed! But you may not have realized that the key to making these necessary adjustments in your relationship is for both of you to see each other and your marriage as more important than your individual values and desires. In fact, if you insist on holding on tightly to what you want, you’ll never develop the kind of relationship you really want.

     Keep some critical points in mind as you learn to make adjustments in your relationship:

     1.Recognize that adjustments are inevitable.

     Every married couple has to deal with grains of sand in their shoes. Remember what James wrote, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials” (James 1:2). He said when you encounter trials, not if  you encounter them. As you begin to accept the fact that you will have to make changes in your behavior and learn how to receive your mate as a gift from God, even with his or her frustrating traits, you’ll be heading in the direction of oneness in marriage.

     2. Understand that adjustments have a divine purpose.

     God uses such issues to combine two unique people into something new called “Us”. He uses adjustments to teach us how to love another dramatically different, imperfect human being. At prime moments, God will use your marriage to show you how to love the unlovely.

     3. Ask God for wisdom on how to live with this person who’s so different from you. 

     Instead of trying to change your spouse and correct all the bad habits, either accept the situation or adjust yourself. Barbara recalls, “I had to realize that God had to change Dennis. I couldn’t”. Martin Luther said, “Marriage may be an institution, but it isn’t a reformatory!”

     4. Be more concerned about your own rough spots than those of your spouse.

     Jesus instructed us to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take a speck out of someone else’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5). That’s truly advice made for marriage. If I’m not willing to make changes, how can I expect Barbara to change?

     5. Make a commitment to work through the inevitable adjustment together.

     The apostle Paul provided guidelines for handling adjustment rhubarbs, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself” (Phil. 2:3). That’s a description of a grace-filled marriage-giving your partner room to be different and flexing on his or her behalf.

     Look over my list of five adjustments and pick one that you’d like to implement for your spouse.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

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