23 Sep


No one would have dreamed Brad and Sue had marriage problems.

From the outside, their relationship looked perfect.

He was outgoing and handsome with a gentle, personable manner.

She was fun-loving and family-oriented, faithful to God and Brad.

Everyone loved being around them because they were so easy to get along with, but no  one noticed their deteriorating marriage.

Sue had first been attracted to Brad because of his sweet, gentle nature–but before long it began to irritate her.

People were drawn to his kindness, so they went to him with their problems.

He was a great listener but lacked the character and convictions to provide any solid answers.

He was a people-pleaser.

He wouldn’t lead.

That lack of leadership was the root of a problem that grew between Brad and Sue.

She appreciated his good qualities but found herself losing more and more respect for him.

She took her frustration out on him by complaining.

She nagged him about the things he wasn’t doing.

She needled him about his lack of leadership.

Brad resented her remarks and attitude and resisted making the changes she wanted to see.

Brad was partly at fault.

He was falling short of God’s call for men to lead their wives in a righteous, sacrificial manner.

But Sue was as much of the problem as Brad.

From the start of their relationship, it was her dominant personality that enabled him to be passive.

Rather than keeping her naturally aggressive and opinionated personality in check, she exploited Brad’s personality.

She used it to dominate him.

At one point, he had seemed to enjoy her strong personality and opinions, but now he resented them.

Sue was confused.

Brad was frustrated.

Neither was happy.

The problem was that Sue wanted to control Brad.

As Dr. Marlin Howe once wrote, “I have never yet met a woman who respected a man she could control.  So from her innermost soul swells a basic need to disrespect her husband, to find fault with him.”

Along the same lines, a man will struggle to love a woman who controls him.

When this happens, the man tends to ignore her or seek significance elsewhere.

Both spouses end up pushing each other away.

The solution is for the man and woman to return to the roles God has designed for us in marriage: a husband leading with Christ-like love and a sacrificial spirit.

The woman dependent on his leadership and supporting him as his helpmate and companion.

Let Brad and Sue’s story be a warning.

They had the best of intentions but ended up miserable.

What about you?

Are you fulfilling the role God desires you to play in your marriage?

NOTE:  This article was given by Lisa Banks but written by Jimmy and Karen Evans from “Marriage Today”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


  1. nancysalazar February 22, 2015 at 3:51 pm #

    Hi Mel! Thanks so much for your honest comment. So sorry to hear about your husband. I would bathe him in prayer everyday! First, talk with his doctor to find out how much of his decisions can be trusted. Read the written side affects from his medication. Now you have the knowledge of what to expect. God will give you the wisdom of what you should and should not say to avoid arguments. I would talk to your children who are over eight years old and explain dads abrupt reactions, with much sensitivity for them. You want them to have understanding with respect for him. Remember that it could have been you in that condition. You don’t want your children to grow up being disrespectful “to those who have the rule over them.” Great is your reward in heaven Mel!!! Everyone who reads this post will be praying for you, including myself.

  2. Mrs. S. L. Garrett October 25, 2015 at 1:21 pm #

    am I missing something? why didn’t any one respond to what Sue (august 17, 2015) have to say about her lazy, selfish, irresponsible, good for __ husband? Sue sounds like she is mentally abused, stressed, and cheated or/and deceived by marrying this bum! Am I also mistaken thinking that the Scripture says that if a man(?) who does not take care of his family is worse than an infidel? well, maybe I am also wrong into thinking that just as CHRIST gave HIMSELF for the church, men are to do the same? This idiot of a man does not even take care of his children, wow, how much respect will they have for him in a few year. I guess we can pray for the other lady who has a mentally ill husband but not for this woman? Am I also just dumb, or just don’t “get it”?

    Mrs. Garrett

    • nancysalazar October 29, 2015 at 7:06 pm #

      Hi Mrs. Garrett! I just answered it. Godly marital counseling does wonders for a couple!

  3. nancysalazar October 29, 2015 at 7:03 pm #

    Hi Sue! Thanks for your comment! There are a lot of wives who feel just the way you do and who have similar circumstances. Do you have a pastor that you can go to for counseling? If not, you should pray for a church to go to and ask the pastor for advice. Your marriage can be a success! Ten years is a big investment so there must be qualities about him that you do like. You fell in love and married him for a reason. A lot of times the problem is very small and it grows to be a giant! Take my advice! God is a miracle working God!

  4. nancysalazar April 17, 2016 at 8:31 pm #

    Hi Jasmine! Thank you so much for your comment. There are a lot of things that you can start doing to improve your current relationship. First, there is a program called “clean.” It is for men that have a problem with porno. The stats are very high, like in the high 80’s There are also programs that you can have him put on his computer so if he decides to look at porno, you will be notified. Find about 5-10 friends that will specifically pray for your husbands bondage. This will help him tremendously.. Find a church or the one you go to now and get counseling for him. Do not divorce. He does need you! Even if you found someone else, there are no guarantees he would be porno free. Put your trust in God and He will give you peace. I will keep you in prayer!

  5. Bob May 31, 2016 at 10:09 pm #

    Wow, how frighteningly shallow and simplistic. God wants men to lead and women to follow, that’s it??? Just misogynistic rhetoric that sounds like a child who spends too much time reading the old testament. You are a disgrace and have a severe learning disability.

    • nancysalazar June 1, 2016 at 6:08 pm #

      Hi Bob! Thanks so much for your comment. I didn’t write that particular post although I do agree with it. What was on the post in compared to your comment, leaves a lot of discrepancies. God describes the role of a husband and wife in many places in the bible. He is to treat her like Christ treats and loves His church. The leading has guidelines and they are in 1Corinthians 13. This causes a woman to graciously “respect” him as he “loves” her in Eph.5:33. God created marriage because He desired a “family.” He wants godly children to love and be with Him throughout eternity. A few sentences in a blog cannot explain things to a great degree. It was meant as an encouragement. I hope this has explained it a little more. Have a blessed day!!!!

      • Julie August 29, 2020 at 5:46 pm #

        My husband and I haven’t been together for 11 years. He doesn’t work. He doesn’t go around his family, he try’s to act like everything is ok. I have come to the realization that our marriage is over. I go to church and have tried to work it out through counseling as I said in my other comment. I am tired. There has been many times I have wanted to sell my house and run and never turn back. I have no family here but it’s so hard, I don’t know if my job would relocate me. With this pandemic it has been really hard working from home. He always says “don’t tell me ask me” he constantly apologizes for things he says or how he treats me. I have tried to give him control it doesn’t work I tried to have him pay bills he said he couldn’t. He new how to take money from the account and spend it but couldn’t pay the bills. When I would ask him about it he would get mad. He would hide bills from me and I would have to play catch-up when and if they were found or if I checked the mail. I am so proud that my son has grown up to be the man that he is. I am proud that my mom has raised me to work and be a good provider. I know he didn’t have that and was in and out of group homes and prison his parents never and still haven’t had a good relationship with him.

      • Jill October 16, 2020 at 1:44 pm #

        The thing is Nancy, this blog of yours doesn’t reflect the fact that husbands are to love their wives like Jesus loves His church.

  6. Kelly Perkins October 15, 2018 at 4:53 pm #

    This sounds so much like my marriage. It’s slowly falling apart and I know neither of us are happy. I am the wife and more dominant in our relationship and it makes things very stressful on me. I work 40+ hours a week mon-fri and plus work every other weekend and am on-call plus take care of our children (2 children full-time and 1 step-son every other weekend) I do all the grocery shopping and up until recently all the house cleaning/laundry and he only helps out now bc I have refused to do it all. I also take care of all our bills and deal with managing our money.. my husband cant even tell you how much money is in the bank even with me keeping him informed. He keeps us broke a lot of the times and in a financial bind so often that I have nearly had a nervous breakdown. My hair falls out, I’ve experienced weightgain and 2 years ago we lost a baby which didn’t help with the depression I already had. I feel like I’m drowning. I was raised in church and though he attended church on occasion his was never a faithful member anywhere. We attend church every Sunday morning and usually it’s him taking me and the kids for sunday school and dropping us off while he goes back come and returns an hour later for regular church service. I always go with the kids alone on Sunday and Wednesday nights. Also, on Sunday mornings when he is there he doesn’t listen, I’m always poking him to stay away and it’s so stressful bc he won’t help me keep the kids quite and under control and when he won’t in church you can imagine how things are at home. I’m not done, I could go on but I’ll stop there for now.

    • kperkins86 October 15, 2018 at 5:24 pm #

      My husband works mon-thurs 7:30-6 but has to leave the house by 5:45 to meet 2 other guys to drive an hour away to where they are currently working a construction job. Yes, he works hard and makes good money especially at this job, but money isn’t every thing. I need help. I don’t want to be the only one making so many decisions for our household. I have so much on my plate, I don’t know how much more I can handle. I am a funeral director apprentice and at first I was so excited about my decision to start a new path in my life but I have no encouragement, barely any help and I don’t feel one bit good about myself with my low self-esteem. My husband never tells me I’m pretty, he never hugs me or shows affection towards me and don’t get me started on birthdays and holidays..those don’t really happen for me from my husband. I know that’s not what matters but when your husband won’t even tell you happy birthday it kinda hurts your feelings especially when his is 1 week later and he enjoys everything I do for him. Childish I know!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: