20 Jan


Does love really make pain go away?

God’s word says it does because love and fear cannot be in the same place.

Many researchers have also proved it scientifically, as well.

CASE AND POINT:  Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles, did research on this.  Her team used an fMRI machine to scan brains of women.  The conclusion, a loved ones presence diminishes pain.  Pain didn’t feel so bad when these women looked at people they loved.  This was also true of men also.  Many other researchers came up with the same conclusions stating that loved ones are a good pain killer.

Love is much more powerful than fear and our brains were made to operate in love.

Caroline Leaf has written an awesome book called, “The Gift Within You” which explains this in detail.

“Love” in the brain shows how God designed us for euphoria, constantly thinking about and longing for our beloved.

He wanted us to love Him first with all out hearts.

Then He designed us to show love to family, friends and strangers.

CASE AND POINT:  My grandmother was killed in downtown Los Angeles in the 70’s right after I became a Christian.  She was hit by a car driver making a right turn without looking at pedestrians stepping off the curb.  Her head hit the curb and she was by herself.  A woman, total stranger, got in the ambulance and stood with my grandmother till a family member showed up.  She told them what happened at the incident and said if the same thing happened to her mother, she had hoped someone would do the same for her.  She felt that if grandma opened her eyes, she wanted her to be by someone who cared.  What an example of LOVE!

Examine all your attitudes to see if they are a love or fear attitude.

Phil.2:5 (LAB)  “You must have the same attitude Christ has…”

Even if you can’t choose the circumstances around you, you can choose to operate in fear or love.

You have the power to choose your thoughts.

Your love needs to go viral!

CASE AND POINT:  Did you see the movie “Outbreak?”  The whole movie involves finding and antidote for a virus they could not cure.  People were dying all over the world as they were looking for the “host” that caused all they deaths.

That is the way our love should be.

Our love should go viral and hit all over the world!

Or are you having trouble just loving the ones in your household?

Is it hard for you to love your spouse?

If so, then how are you going to show love to anyone else?

Are you wired for love!

Today is the day to rewire your brain for love!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.


19 Jan


Why did “Michal the daughter of Saul (have) no children to the day of her death” (6:23)?  She remained childless because her selfish agenda prompted her to publicly scorn her husband David, who reacted by shutting her out.  In essence, their marriage died.

Our sin and selfishness focuses us on our own agendas like a sharpshooter locking a target in the crosshairs of his rifle.  Left to ourselves, we will go for what we want every time.  And when two spouses focus only on what they want, all hope for peace vanishes.

Jesus shows us that instead of insisting on being first, we must be willing to be last.  Instead of wanting to be served, we must serve.  Instead of trying to save our lives, we must lose them.  We must love our spouses as much as we love ourselves.  In short, if we want to defeat selfishness, we must give up, give in, and give all.

To experience oneness, you must give up your will for the will of another.  But to do this, you must first give up your will to Christ–only then will you find it possible to give up your will for that of your mate.

NOTE:  This article came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


18 Jan


NOTE:  Although this question is about the wife, it can also be for the husbands.  This question and answer came from the book Family Life and Marriage bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1.  How can I best find out what my wife’s real needs are?

Answer #2.  I have an assignment for you:  Take your wife out on a date or a retreat, where you ask her the following questions:

*  What can I do to help you feel more loved, honored, and cherished?

*  What can I do to illustrate the fact that I respect you, your ideas, and your role as my wife?

*  What can I do to assure you that I hear and understand your heart’s desires?

*  What can I do to ensure that you have confidence and joy in our future direction?

*  What attribute or practice would you like to see me improve or develop?

*  What attribute would you most like to develop in yourself?

*  What would indicate to you my desire to be more like Christ?

*  What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish together?

I got these questions from a friend of mine, Tom Eliff, who poses them to his wife every year.  He takes notes as his wife talks, and then writes out a clear statement of his intentions in response to each of these issues.  Last, he signs a pledge.  I can promise you—his wife feels loved and cared for!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


17 Jan




Your emotions don’t have to control you.

Have you ever got very upset about something only to find out later that it has already been worked?  DON’T YOU FEEL DUMB and wish you had kept quiet to begin with?

Remember, if your emotions control you, they are controlling your marriage.

You have the ability to analyze your emotions and rewire them.

The love circuit of the brain can balance reason and emotions in your marriage.

2Cor.10:5 “…bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…”

We can either fix or rewire memories.

Rom.12:2 “…be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that he may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

God calls us daily to use the gift of choice he has given us but DO YOU?

Deut.30:19 “…record this day…I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…”

You can change your brains thoughts and anyone can learn to do that.

Prov.13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

As we self-surrender to God, He then releases the gift inside us.  WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BLESSING!

1Cor.1:19 “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

This BIBLICAL principle lines up with a SCIENTIFIC principle.

Phil.4:7 (CEV) “Because you are Christ’s, God will bless you with peace which no one will understand.”

 In a book called “The brain that changed itself” by Doidge, his research shows that 87-95% of mental and physical illness today comes from our thought lives.

Over and over again you hear the saying, “You are what you think.”

From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

In Galatians, the Apostle Paul helps us out by telling us what we should be thinking.

Gal.5:22-23 “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:  against such there is no law.”

How to overcome toxic thoughts

Emotions, words, love, dreams, and choices.

  1. It is your choice to capture your thoughts.  Evaluate your thoughts and apply God’s wisdom to manage them.
  2. Keep reason and emotions balanced.
  3. When you are in the discomfort zone, use that to help you identify toxic thoughts.
  4. Rewire your thoughts.
  5. It is your choice not to operate in fear.  Chose love, in the promises of the Lord.  Pray and obey the guidance from the Holy Spirit.

You and your husband have a divine pre-wired gift from God.

Don’t let emotions stop you from achieving your divine purpose.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


16 Jan



CASE AND POINT:  Have you ever gone to the doctors office for something and then you hear the words, “This is going to cause you some discomfort.”  All of a sudden they stick you with something that hurts so bad your eyes bulge out.  One time at the doctor’s office they told me to count to ten and the discomfort would be over.  Well, it didn’t take, so they had to do it over again.  After another set of counting to ten while I was in excruciating pain which they called “discomfort”, I was told we would have to “Try it again one more time.”  She said, “I can’t put you through anymore pain so if this doesn’t take, I am going to stop.”  I won’t keep you in suspense, it “took” the third time and the counting to ten stopped.  I never returned for any more poking and pulling.  I don’t believe the doctors anymore when they call something “discomfort.”  That bottle should read, RED HOT!

From time to time, discomfort will enter our marriage.

This “discomfort zone” is never fun or easy and many times cannot be avoided.

The reason why is because it is a disruption in your body or mind.

Whenever there is disruption in our regular and consistent electrical chemical balance, it will result in discomfort.

When this occurs in my marriage, I always try to identify what the root of the problem is.

Sometimes the root might be my children, finances, etc.

At other times, it just might be my own selfishness!

What ever the cause of the discomfort, I know that I just need to connect with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Then you can be free from the chains of toxicity and fear attitudes.

There will be a quickening and awareness because our brains are made to respond to information.

  • If the information is good and based on LOVE, wisdom will be further developed.
  • If the information is negative and FEAR based, chemicals that disrupt thinking are released into the brain, and produce stress.

This is all scientifically explained in Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You.”

This stress manifests itself through worry.

Worry in turn, causes toxic reactions and PHYSICAL illnesses.

Never ignore toxic thoughts because it is real and alive.

Those toxic thoughts KILL your brain cells and physically it looks like black oil was poured over your brain.

The live thought part of your brain becomes dead.

I don’t know about you, but when I start to worry about something, I cannot THINK clearly.

When that happens to you, it is because your thoughts are now toxic.

You can switch it to “love” by the power and presence of God’s spirit.

Discomfort is a signal to you, to switch to the” love path.”

If you don’t, the damages could be irreversible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.


15 Jan



FEAR is a powerful emotion!

Fears destruction tries to dominate our thoughts and cause us to react to situations that will never happen.

In Christina Leaf’s book, “A Gift Within You”, she has an array of information on how the brain works.

Although this book is not on marriage, it’s information can give you so much insight into your marriage to help you realize that scientifically, it is your choice to “live in love” or “live in fear.”

We usually handle fear in one of three ways:

  • You may try to control fear with reasoning and evaluation, or
  • You may allow toxic thoughts to dominate you as it throws your body into stress, or
  • You might make it even worse through wrong reasoning.

Your “toxic thoughts” will create “toxic fruit” in your marriage.

Scientists call this a “learned” fear because it is not a natural part of how we were created.

God called us and has equipped us to “live in love”, but when we don’t, it is a sign that we have surrendered our minds to “toxic thoughts.”

We were created for “love.”

There is another book by Kandal , “In Search of Memory” that explains this issue.

The real pathway for us is the “love” pathway.

Your brain has a choice to turn a thought into FEAR or turn that thought into LOVE.

The “love” pathway evaluates the toxic fear thought, then hands the situation to God and does not fear.

Jas.1:2 (AMP) “Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials or fall into various temptations.”

Remember that a thought has an emotion attached to it: LOVE or FEAR.

This will create an attitude into your marriage; either bad or good.

Job 32:8 “…The breath of the Almighty gives them understanding.”

There is only one thing that we are to fear and that is God.

Heb.11:31 “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Prov.1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Remember that FEAR causes the following thoughts to flow:  hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

Would you like to live with a spouse like that?


Neither does your spouse!!

Travel the “love” path in your marriage and love will be your guide and your rear guard!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.


14 Jan


Every type of emotion comes from one of two roots:  LOVE or FEAR.

This has been proven scientifically and all the data on it can be found in an awesome book called “A Gift Within” by Carolina Leaf.

All other emotions grow from these.

From LOVE flows: joy, peace, happiness, hope, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control, anticipation, compassion, calmness, satisfaction, inspiration, excitement.

From FEAR flows: hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

God gives us the choice as to which thoughts you will be operating in.

You cannot blame your spouse if you choose to have your thoughts operating in a pool of FEAR.

1John 4:18 (AMP)  “There is no fear in love (dread does not exist), but full-grown (complete, perfect), love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror!  For fear brings with it the thought of punishment, and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection)”.

THIS IS AMAZING:  Scientists have found that these two emotions, love and fear, CANNOT COEXIST.

 WHAT IS AMAZING is the fact that God already said that in 1John 4:18, even before scientist discovered it.

1John 4:18 “There is no fear in love…”.

Science shows us that when we operate in love, there is a massive unlearning of negative toxic thoughts.

  • The brain releases a chemical called, OXYTOCIN, which melts away negative toxic thoughts.
  • This causes re-wiring of new non-toxic circuits.
  • When we trust, bond and reach out to others, this chemical also flows.

LOVE literally wipes out FEAR!!

(Book-A Study in the Neuroscience of Love and Hate/ by Lawrence Erlbaum)

How exciting!!  Science has to prove the word of God to the unbelievers.

As you help your spouse or restore your relationship with your spouse, endorphins and serotonins are released.  These chemicals in our body are what make us feel good about ourselves.

  • So when we reach out in love, God blesses us.
  • He detoxifies our brain and increases our wisdom.
  • Don’t be at the mercy of toxic memories.

Remember:  “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.”

Do you have hate, anger and bitterness towards your spouse?

Do you treat your spouse with rage, irritation, and unforgiveness?

Does self-pity, worry, envy and jealousy run through your vains?

Are unkind words in your vocabulary towards your husband?

You DO NOT have to be at the mercy of toxic memories!

Let God detoxify your brain.  JUST ASK HIM!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.