SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

12 Aug

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1 . What do you do when a spouse only sees the negative things about you and not the positive.  I am blamed for everything that goes wrong.

Answer #1.    (I will answer this with some comments from an article by Dr. Dale A. Robbins and is a publication of Victorious Publications.)

Rom.14:10-13  “Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother?  …why do you look down on your brother…then let us no more criticize and blame…”

A “critical spirit” is an obsessive attitude of criticism and fault-finding, which seeks to tear others down.  Constructive criticism is that which is expressed in love to “build up,” not to tear down.  It is always expressed face-to-face, never behind their back.

The person with a critical spirit usually dwells on the negative, seeks for flaws rather than good.  They’re a complainer, usually always upset, and generally have a problem or a complaint about something.  They often have little control over their tongue, their temper, and have tendencies for gossip and slander, which Paul said were sins “worthy of death” (Rom.1:29-32).

What causes a critical spirit?  Negativeness, insecurity, immaturity, an unrenewed mind, and the devil.

What is the prescription for a healthy mind?  The bible doesn’t promise peace to those who dwell on the faults of others.  It says that the Lord will keep them in perfect peace, whose minds are stayed on Him!  (Isa.26:3)

If  your spouse does not read God’s word then you must do it for them.  You stay in God’s word and pray for your spouse.  Pray everyday and bind the “negative spirit” in Jesus name.  You will see results.  Be patient and put your trust in God.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new insights to make your marriage a success.

WIVES ARE “SWEET USEFULNESS”

11 Aug

WIVES ARE “SWEET USEFULNESS”

 

The word “kind” in the Greek is CHRESTEUOMAI, which means to be adaptable or compliant to the needs of others.

Do you ever demand that your spouse or other people be like you?

Agape love makes you want to go the extra mile to become what others need you to be for them.

Selfishness and self-centeredness is the complete opposite to being kind.

Do you have a willingness to change so you can meet the needs of your spouse.

Are you good natured and gentle to your spouse and others?

Do you treat your spouse tenderly and with affection.

To be “kind” shows courtesy.

In 1Corinthians 13, it was the second characteristic of the highest level of agape love.

1Corinthians 13:4 “Charity…is kind…”

God designed these verses to mention being “kind” as a characteristic for us to examine ourselves to see how we match up.

“Kindness” explains what agape love is.

Do you look for a way of being constructive with your spouse?

Showing kindness 24/7 is impossible for us to demonstrate on our own

We need the Holy Spirit to guide and strengthen us all the way and all the day.

Kindness is a generous portion of active “goodwill.”

Are you a big dose of “sweet usefulness?”

That is the definition of “kindness.”

As you are kind to your spouse, you will be shown kindness.

When Jesus commanded His disciples to love their enemies, He did not simply mean to feel kindly about them, but to be kind to them.  (Matt.5:40-41)

In 1Corinthians, Paul is not writing about how love feels, he is writing about how it can be seen in action.

This evil world gives agape love many opportunities to demonstrate kindness to others.

Mark Twain call kindness “A language that the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

Kindness is a universal language because it does not speak to the intellect, but directly to the heart.

True love is always demonstrated by action.

Remember:  The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost tomorrow.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post that will encourage you to make your marriage a success.

SHORT FUSED SPOUSE: WHAT TO DO

10 Aug

SHORT FUSED SPOUSE: WHAT TO DO

 

The Apostle Paul used the word AGAPE to describe the highest level of love in this world that is from God.

Paul uses the description to explain what AGAPE love is in 1Corinthians 13.

God designed these verses so we would know if we were walking at his highest level of loving.

1Cor.13:4 “Charity (agape love) suffereth long…”

Long suffering, in the Greek, MAKROTHUMIA, means “the patient restraint of anger.”

Long suffering is to endure, to put up with people and circumstances.

Do you lose your patience from time to time with your spouse?

Do these situations involve people or things?

What are some of these situations that cause you not to be so long suffering?

Long suffering is when you are in a difficult situation with your spouse or anyone else and you decide to put up with them.

Once you accept Jesus Christ as your LORD and Savior, longsuffering is required to maintain our hope in Gods promises.

If you don’t have hope or purpose for your life, why would you wait?  Why would you continue to suffer?  You would give up!!

Love will be patient no matter what the situation.

Longsuffering is prepared to burn a long time if it has that long wick.

You are to forbear and patiently wait if you have the characteristic of the highest level of AGAPE love.

Can you show longsuffering till your spouse finally comes around and make progress.

Do you patiently wait while you try to teach or communicate to your spouse.

Longsuffering is forbearing without reacting in anger or turning away.

Long suffering is not a feeling.

Our human nature wants to get nervous and hyper as soon as it has to be patient.

Can you hold tight to your trust in God?

Longsuffering is a decision of the will; it is a decision to endure in faith.

The long view is to forgive each other’s failures and to hold tight to our trust in God.

Keep going even though your husband doesn’t respond to you!

Do you say that you are sick and tired of waiting for your spouse to change?

Have you stopped hoping and believing?

Does this relationship test your patience?

If this is true, you need an injection of AGAPE love right now!

Ask the Holy Spirit to help you!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post which has tips to help you be a successful spouse.

IS YOUR SPOUSE AVOIDING YOU?

9 Aug

IS YOUR SPOUSE AVOIDING YOU?

Is your talking non-stop and annoying at times?

Do you talk so much to your spouse that he doesn’t even LISTEN to you any more?

Do your words just keep pouring out that it now just sounds like noise?

1Cor.13:1 “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity (agape love), I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” 

In the Corinth church, Paul was so unimpressed with their spirituality because they obviously had a great LACK of love.

Do you claim a lot and say a lot , yet your life doesn’t match up to your claims?

Are you irritating to your spouse and family because you lack love?

This kind of love is AGAPE, which is a self-giving love.

Agape love gives without expecting repayment.

This kind of love gives even when it is not ACCEPTED.

You give agape love even when a person is unlovable.

Agape love doesn’t love just to RECEIVE something back for it.

Agape love is self-denial for the sake of another.

This is not about your EMOTIONS and how you feel but what you need to do to make things right for someone else.

Do you express this spontaneous and divine love with your spouse?

Sacrifice is very important to your Christian walk but without love, it is USELESS.

Love is most valuable because without it everything else is useless.

If your spouse doesn’t listen to you and won’t be changed, ask God to show you a way to HANDLE the situation.

Ask God to change you so you can deal with your spouse in a spirit of love.

Ask God to GIVE you His heart for your spouse.

You can deal with anything if you have God’s heart and mind.

Be willing and open to make changes in your WORDS and in your character.

The last thing you want to be is a “tinkling cymbal.”

Whatever God shows you in your actions or words that needs to be changed, accept it and change.

GOD IS LOVE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post that will have issues to make your marriage a success!

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

8 Aug

PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

Do you get annoyed when your husband leaves the toilet seat up?

How about when he TAILGATES, does that get to you?

Does he pick his teeth with his finger in front of company?

Do you enjoy those SHAVINGS all over the bathroom counter from cleaning his shaver?

Does he make a joke when you are saying something serious?

The questions above are marital ISSUES that I hear about a lot while counseling wives.

In marriage, there will  be things that will occur which will get you angry.

At those moments, you will FEEL like taking a swing or totally giving up in your marriage.

Even if the violation isn’t a big deal, it’s just the thought of having to deal with the same issues over and over again.

Many times I will listen to wives who are tired of being married to men who are great but their wife is just tired of the “small stuff.”

God knows that and he has us covered.

Let’s look at 1Pet.4:8 to get God’s instruction to understand.

1Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent love among yourselves: for love shall cover the multitude of sins.”

The word COVER implies “to hide from view.”

This doesn’t mean for you to ignore the sin, it means you cover it.

Cover is the definite action of concealing the existence of something by obstructing the VIEW of it.

When we respond in love to our spouse, we prevent the development of sin.

DIVINE love is not seeing sin in a person and then shutting our eyes to it.

Divine love makes us care for our spouse and helps us to seek the good of our partner.

In James 5:20, our focal point needs to be for restoration and recovery.

“Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.” (Jas. 5:20)

Take action to RESTORE your spouse by covering any multitude of sin and violations against you.

Love doesn’t cover all sin because there is a “sin unto death.”

Love does cover a multitude of sin but there is a large quantity of sin that it does NOT cover.

I have learned from the years of being married, that I SHOULDN’T make a big deal out of everything that goes wrong.

I have learned that the more I let go, the more peace and power of the Holy Spirit I see in our marriage.

Also, one of the main benefits is that I am being a testimony to my CHILDREN.

My goal in life is to not quench the precious Holy Spirit in my life and marriage.

WHAT IS YOUR GOAL?

Is having a toilet seat down that important?

NOTE:  Tomorrow is another new post with great marriage tips.

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

7 Aug

SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING FOR SPOUSES

 

Your personal worth sets the limit on how successful your accomplishments are on your marriage.

Your greatest POSSESSION is to have a healthy self-esteem.

There is a need inside each one of us to be or feel like a special person and especially from our spouse.

You will grow and mature to be what God wants you to be if your FOUNDATION is built on a strong self-image.

It takes time to correct things that are wrong in your life and in your marriage because no one matures instantly.

To mature physically, spiritually and emotionally sometimes comes PAINFULLY.

In Christ, you are his unique creation and your marriage is unique.

Remember, your self-image is what you think you are.

Your self-image is not what you are.

Your self-image is not what others think you are.

There is an array of sources that you should not be basing your feelings on about yourself: family, other people, physical traits, talents/abilities, failures, etc.

Feelings of guilt and failure, many times come from setting up high expectations for ourselves.

This defected foundation needs to let God rebuild it.

 

STEPS TOWARDS A

HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM

  1. Let yourself, Love yourself.
  2. Be the person God intended you to be.
  3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
  4. Honestly estimate yourself.  Assess strengths and weaknesses.
  5. Don’t condemn yourself.
  6. Don’t have high expectations for yourself.
  7. Forgive yourself.
  8.  Accept God’s forgiveness.
  9. Towards others, have an attitude of forgiveness.
  10. Towards others, have an attitude of love.
  11. Do things that will make you like yourself more.
  12. Choose realistic goals.
  13. Seek God’s praise for what you do.
  14. Don’t seek praise from others for what you do.
  15. Build up others with your gifts and abilities.
  16. Surround yourself with friends that build you up.
  17. Do not put yourself around people who tear you down.
  18. Build up those around you.
  19. Let God shape you into the person he wants you to be.
  20. Thank God for his never-ending love for you.
  21. Thank God for the future he has prepared for you.

NOTE:  More marital encouragement on tomorrows post.

NOTE:  Some comments for this post was taken from the book, Perfect in His Eyes, by Kay Marshall Strom

FIGHTING CONFLICT WITH PRAYER

6 Aug

FIGHTING CONFLICT WITH PRAYER

CAN YOU IMAGINE how the biblical record might be different if Isaac and Rebekah had learned to deal with their conflicts through prayer, rather than through deceit and manipulation (Gen.27:5-13)?

More to the point, would you like to do a better job of resolving conflict in your marriage?  If so, then we encourage you to discover the power of praying together.

Even though praying in the middle of a conflict is just as important as praying during calm seas, most of us don’t feel like praying with an opponent.  But inviting the Prince of Peace into your boat in the middle of the storm is truly the answer.

For some of the best advice on how to resolve conflict in marriage, you have only to turn to Eph.4:25-27, “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.  ‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

Note especially the phrase, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.”  If that single principle were observed, most marital conflicts would be resolved much sooner!  The next time you have a conflict, instead of turning away to be angry, find a way to turn toward one another and God and pray together as a couple.  Barbara and I have done this since 1972, and I can honestly say that this spiritual discipline of prayer has helped us resolve many conflicts.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have helpful marital comments to make your marriage healthier.

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.