REJECT SELFISHNESS, CHOOSE HARMONY

29 Sep

REJECT SELFISHNESS, CHOOSE HARMONY

TWO PEOPLE WHO BEGIN MARRIAGE by trying to go their own selfish, separate ways can never hope to experience the oneness of marriage as God intended.

The prophet Isaiah portrayed the problem accurately more than 2,500 years ago, “All of us like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way” (Is.53:6).

Isaiah didn’t know me, but his analysis sounds eerily familiar.

I want to go my own way, do my own thing.

I’m your basic, self-centered person.

We all instinctively look out for number one.

Selfishness is possibly the most dangerous threat to oneness in marriage.

Both partners enter marriage with all kinds of expectations, many of which go unmet because the other partner either doesn’t know what is expected, is incapable of complying, or is unwilling to meet the expectation.

Caught in this self-centered quagmire, many marriages end up stuck.

In our first years of marriage, I was more than a bit selfish.

I was skilled at looking out for my own needs.

But when I took Barbara as my wife, I assumed a new responsibility–loving Barbara as Christ loved the church.

And that meant rejecting selfishness (repeatedly!) and instead seeking harmony.

Marriage is one of God’s primary tools that He has given the human race to finish the process of our growing up!

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

28 Sep

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  I believe my spouse has built up resentment towards me for previous actions.  I have corrected my actions and asked my spouse for forgiveness and they said they granted it.   They still show resentment toward me and state, “It’s not you, it is me”.  I have prayed that the Lord would show my spouse the better person I have become and the true unconditional love I have.  I don’t know where I stand with my spouse but I feel a presence that tells me not to give up.  My family members think I’m crazy for staying in this situation but  I want to listen to God and fulfill the marriage covenant we both made to Him.  “For better or worse, through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, till death do us part.”  I take those words very serious and I don’t plan on lying to God anytime soon.  Do you have any advise?

Answer #1.  Don’t give up.  You didn’t say how long you violated your marriage vows.  They say if you do something to offend someone, it takes 20 thoughtful actions before they stop thinking about the one bad action.

God designed the brain to be able to recall events.  When an emotion is involved, we usually never forget.  The good side of this is that God gives us another opportunity to forgive that person once again.  When we do this, He rewards us here on earth and he stores treasures for us in heave.

Violations cause a wound in our souls.  When Jesus resurrected, the power of His resurrection gave us the ability to have our souls healed.  The word power in the Greek is “Dunamus”.  It means many things but two of it’s meanings are: “Excellent of soul” and “working of miracles.”  3John 2 reads, “I pray that you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”  

When your soul is EXCELLENT, then your finances and health will prosper.  You have a tank full of “dynamos.”  Thank God for His resurrecting power and claim your soul to be excellent as you forgive your spouse and anyone you need to forgive.   Aren’t you tired of not having money and being sick.

You are in good hands.  Jesus died so we would have the ability to forgive.  It takes a “divine super power” to forgive and that is exactly why Jesus said He was leaving us the Holy Spirit.  We are never more like God, then when we are forgiving.  It brings joy to Gods heart that we are surrendering our violation to Jesus as He surrendered His life for us.  Keep your spouse in prayer so they can release their pain and violation to God.  If you walk out of this marriage, then you are saying that you cannot forgive your spouse.

Read 1Peter 5:6-7  “Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time; Casting all your care upon him; because he cares for you.”  This is telling you to stay HUMBLE.  Place yourself under God by being sensitive to the Holy Spirit in your marriage.  Wait on God if it takes time but trust that God has heard your prayers and rest in that.  Cast this problem to God and leave it there.  Keep in mind that God has an investment in your marriage.  He paid a big price.  Don’t give up!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NO FREE RENT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

27 Sep

NO FREE RENT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Do you know how to defuse the destructive power of resentment in your marriage?

We will look at four important steps that can be taken.

First, Toss out your need for revenge.

When we are hurt, our natural instinct is to strike back at our spouse.

This is our primitive need for self-preservation.

Revenge begets revenge and there is no end to the cycle.

To forgive your spouse means that you give up your right to retaliate.

Giving up your right to retaliate against your spouse is for your benefit because there will be no end to the escalating conflict.

Second, Acquire a holy view-point.

Matt.18:21-35 is the parable about the unforgiving servant.  “…and his Lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.”

Then Jesus said, “So likewise shall my heavenly father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.”

We should have shivers down our back.

Your hurts are insignificant when compared to the hurt you have caused God.

UNLESS YOU FORGIVE THE HURT OTHERS HAVE DONE TO YOU, GOD CANNOT FORGIVE YOUR DEBT TO HIM.

Third, Hold onto a spirit of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is designed to protect us from our own anger.

It is not necessary for your spouse to admit their guilt or ask for forgiveness.

Lovingly ask your spouse to stop hurting you.

Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head!!

Four, Turn your resentment into kindness

In Romans 12:17-21 tells us never to be revengeful because we will be overcome with evil.

Matt.5:44 “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you…”

There are times that we want our spouse to suffer for what they have  done to us but the gospel has taken away your right to punish.

Do you want to free yourself from resentment and anger and get full advantage from forgiveness?

Turn your resentment into kindness.

When you do this:

  • It gives you the feeling that you are now in control.
  • It protects you from further anger.
  • Possibly your spouse will not continue to hurt you.
  • It keeps you from further sins.

Keep your reactions from becoming a greater sin than the original action.

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, HE IS YOUR PRIORITY.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

ARE WEEDS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

26 Sep

ARE WEEDS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Resentment breeds resentment just like weeds breed weeds.

Resentment is like taking POISON and waiting for the other person to die.

Resentments destructive power comes from several sources:

First, Resentment prevents contentment.

“Godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1Tim.6:6

Your resentment will destroy your marital happiness.

If we were left to our own devices, we would self-destruct.

Second, Resentment exaggerates emotional hurts.

“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (Prov.10:19)

Exaggerating is lying.

Lying and slandering your spouse, the bible states that it is one of the things that God hates.

Don’t think that because it is your spouse that it gives you the freedom to exaggerate.

NO! NO! NO!

Third, Resentment never forgets.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past..”  Isa.43:18

Therapists try but fail to get people to let go of resentments.

Resentment best fits our “lower nature”.

In other words, we become animalistic when we harbor resentment.

85% of illnesses are due to stressful situations.

Has holding resentment against your spouse ever made you healthier or happier?

We enjoy resentment because it makes us feel self-righteous and adds to our self-pity.

We feel uncomfortable like we are betraying our deepest need if we let our spouse off the hook.

Fourth, Resentment is revengeful.

“…Avenge not yourself…it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” Rom. 12:19

The natural thing for us to do is to plan revenge against our spouse.

Get the weeds out of your marriage!

Only you can do it.

No one else can put those weeds out.

They are growing and multiplying as you read this blog.

The longer they stay there, the thicker and stronger they get.

You will JUSTIFY  your position, but the reality is you have lost your position.

Clear the path to your heart so the Holy Spirit can bring great things into your life and marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DEVILS PLAYGROUND IS MARITAL RESENTMENT

25 Sep

DEVILS PLAYGROUND IS MARITAL RESENTMENT

Resentment is a powerful emotion that is one of the major sources of marital stress.

One of the most destructive of all human emotions is resentment.

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking; be put away from you…”

Resentment means a feeling of displeasure and righteous anger, from a sense of being injured or offended.

Why was Paul so adamant about resentment?

Resentment is a DESTRUCTIVE POWER.

Bitterness in the Greek is “Pikria” which literally means a plant that produces a poisonous fruit.

Resentment is a powerful emotion that is one of the major sources of marital stress.

Research has found that there is an increase in depression in a disruptive marriage.

In a 2009 study, it was revealed that spousal anger contributes to depressive illness.

On going conflict puts a damaging strain on you, your children, your family, and your friends.

Is that the kinds of family life you want to come home to?

There are no winners in a home filled with “bitter fungus”.

Your body is paying a price for all that resentment bottled up inside of you.

Marital conflict increases blood pressure, coronary heart disease and congestive heart failure.

When you are angry and resentful, don’t COMMUNICATE!

Give God your super-sensitivity, selfishness and need for control, in order to decrease resentment.

You will have unresolved resentment from past hurts if your harbor bitterness.

Have you been violated by your parents, family, close friends, former spouses or former dating partners?

Don’t unconsciously, deeply wound your best friend (spouse).

Psychologist Dr. Archibald D. Hart states in his book “Helping Children Survive Divorce” that only the gospel of Christ is capable of healing the deepest human hurt at its very root.

The ability to forgive others is a gift from God that releases us from damaged emotions.

Don’t let your marriage be a playground for Satan.

You give him that permission when you harbor resentment.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

SPOUSES NEED A PERFORMANCE TREADMILL

24 Sep

SPOUSES NEED A PERFORMANCE TREADMILL

There is an important human need inside each one of us to CONTRIBUTE something into this world.

The definition of contribute is to give with others and beyond ourselves; to furnish knowledge or ideas; to share in bringing about results; to be partly responsible.

We need to know that what we do ADDS value for ourselves and for others.

Have you ever found yourself searching for meaning or purpose?  Well your spouse does also.

God put that in us because we are to be the SHOWCASE for God’s glorious character.

Psa.89:1 “…I will sing the mercies of the Lord forever: with my mouth I will make known thy faithfulness shalt thou establish in the very heavens.”

Your spouse needs to feel proud of his results.

Listen to Apostle Paul brag.  2Thess.1:4 “…we ourselves glory…”

Your spouses time, talents and energy have been a GREAT contribution to others.

Paul used the Greek word “egkauchaomai.”  

It means “to brag” or “to boast”.

He was proud of them because they were viciously and relentlessly pursued.

If your spouse is led by their values, they will value THEMSELVES.

A great source of inner fulfillment is when your spouse learns to commit to the values he wants to contribute.

When your spouses need to contribute is not met there are EMOTIONS that are associated with it.

Spouses need to be on a performance treadmill in order to fulfill the need to contribute.

Shame, fear, worthlessness, depression and dejection are some of the emotions suffered when the need to contribute is not RECOGNIZED.

When your spouse is contributing and being recognized for their part, they feel satisfaction, happiness, pride and fulfillment.

Let’s not stand in the way of their JUBILATION.

Let’s partake in the initiating of the jubilation.

That is your privilege as their spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

FIVE PHASES OF MARITAL LOVE

23 Sep

man-with-big-red-heart

FIVE PHASES OF MARITAL LOVE

For any marriage to be blissful, couples should understand the 5 phases of marital love.

All the phases must manifest in every home, if the home is to be a place of love and togetherness.

Phase 1 – Attraction:

This is what we call face love.

It involves accepting the outlook of your spouse and be intoxicated by it.

As soon as a man loses interest in the outlook and dressing of his wife, it will affect other phases of love.

Both husband and wife should train themselves to be interested in the outlook of their spouse.

Phase 2 – Emotion:

This is what we do refer to as “mind love”.

It involves giving room for deep affection toward one’s spouse.

It is heartfelt love; it’s frequency is always very high before wedding, during honey moon and shortly after the wedding.

But most of the time, it doesn’t last as couples begin to take each other for granted.

It affects their feelings, and kills the “mind love”.

Phase 3 – Compulsion Love:

It is known as responsibility love.

This is the kind that exists between a man and his wife that makes them stay together and perform their duties to each other even when they are no more attractive to each other and affection is gone.

This is what remains in many marriages; when it departs from the home, there is likely to be separation and divorce.

Phase 4 – Passion:

This is known as sexual love.

It is the aspect that makes the man to desire to sleep with his wife.

If it exists between unmarried people, it is called lust.

Most of the time wives are the first to lose this face of love.

In fact, it is one of the things a woman loses when she is unhappy with her husband, thereby leading to sexual denial of her husband.

Phase 5 – Compassion:

It is known as a God kind of love or agape love.

This love is unusual; it is not based on the outlook, body chemistry, feelings or happenings around us.

It is a love that is deep rooted in kindness and acceptance.

It is a sacrificial love.

Unfortunately very few couples got married based on this kind of love; most women based their marriages on emotional love, while men based theirs on attraction and passion.

NOTE:  This article was written by Bisi Adewale.  bisiadewale.com

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.