YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER FIRE

16 Nov

 YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER FIRE

 Marriages are always under attack because it is a “Holy Institution” according to Malachi.

That is why statistics show that over 50% of marriages end up in divorce court.

For a second marriage statistics show about 74% of marriages do not make it.

John 10:10 “The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy.”  (your marriage)

This is exactly what the devil wants to do to your marriage.

The enemy “fights dirty” against the survival of your marriage.

CASE AND POINT:  In 1983 there was a tragic and fatal boxing story.  It was a Jr. Middleweight bout between Collins versus Resto.  Billy Collins Jr. was from Tennessee and Luis Resto was from Puerto Rico.  Collins had never lost a match and was the favorite to win.  He was to be a contender for the championship.  Collins face was beat so bad that after a few rounds, he was unrecognizable.  He lost the fight to Resto.  When they went to shake hands, it was noticed that Restos glove had a slit in it.  The padding had been removed by someone and that left Collins face to be hit by direct knuckles in every punch.  Collins was left with permanent eye damage in his left iris, which was teared.  Permanently blurred vision.  This rising stars boxing career was finished.  Less than a year later he was DUI and his car crashed and landed in a river, killing him.  Whether it was a suicide or a DUI, he was dead at age 22.

Twenty five years later a documentary was made because the producer wanted to clear Resto’s name and shame for being responsible for the ripped glove.  After days and hours of interviews, Resto could not live with the guilt any longer.  He confessed that there was $23,000 involved in a fixed fight by his trainer.  His padding had been removed from his glove before the fight and cement was placed around the outside gauze of his knuckles.  Plus he was given an enhancer in his water.  Between him and his trainer, it cost the life of an upcoming star.

The devil plays dirty!!!

The devil is :

  • A liar
  • A murderer
  • A sower of discord
  • An adversary
  • Cunning
  • Wicked
  • Malignant – Totally Evil
  • Cowardly
  • A tempter
  • A thief
  • Without principles
  • Proud
  • Deceitful
  • Fierce and cruel
  • Aggressive
  • A destroyer

“For this purpose the Son of God was manifested that he might destroy the works of the devil.”

Your marriage has victory over the devil in Jesus name!

God never uses the devils work to deal with us.

God deals with us on a higher level.

“…neither give place to the devil…”

Paul is saying, “Keep the doors closed!!”

Gen.4:7 “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted?  And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door.”

God was warning Cain that satan was crouched at his door just waiting to control his life.  Cain chose to let jealousy in and ended up murdering his brother.

Eccles.10:8 “…and whose breaketh an hedge, a serpent shall bite him.”

Hedges were planted around houses to keep out dangerous snakes.

Don’t leave spiritual hedges open or you will be bitten!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR SPOUSES DEEPEST URGE

15 Nov

 YOUR SPOUSES DEEPEST URGE

 The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and in your spouse.

Here is a list that will help in finding new ways to make your spouse feel important.

  • Thank him for everything he does and just for being there for you.
  • Be his cheerleader.
  • Take him on a date or getaway without the children.
  • When someone criticizes him, you support him.
  • He wants to be proud to be seen with you so look your best.
  • Be his covering by praying for him.
  • Refrain from giving him the silent treatment.
  • Be respectful even if you are angry.
  • Respect his dignity by not criticizing him in front of others.
  • Watch your words towards him and choose them carefully.
  • Don’t make him feel fearful of being called stupid because he expressed himself freely.
  • Keep yourself in shape and work at it.
  • He is not a mind reader so don’t expect him to be one.
  • Watch TV with him even if it is a program you do not like.
  • When he makes good decisions, compliment him.
  • When he makes bad decisions don’t criticize him.
  • At home or in public, hold his hand.
  • Don’t argue with him over money; Discuss peacefully keeping in mind that he is a hard working man and you are not his mother.
  • Don’t put blame on him when things go wrong.
  • Don’t treat strangers better than you treat him; be courteous.
  • When he says something wrong, give him the benefit of the doubt.
  • When he gets home greet him with a big kiss.
  • Spare him from boring details in a discussion; get to the point.
  • Respond to his sexual gestures.
  • His intelligence is important to him so don’t belittle it.
  • If you have plans, make sure that he has agreed to them.
  • When you do things for him, don’t expect to get a “thank you.”
  • Don’t compare your relatives with his relatives.
  • Be kind to his relatives.
  • Never make him choose between you and his family.
  • If your habits annoy him, work at getting rid of them.
  • Handle him with much care because he belongs to God.
  • When he needs it, help him finish his goals, hobbies and education.
  • Give your husband time to recover when he is in a bad mood.
  • Be a “help meet” to him whenever he needs it even if it is inconvenient for you.
  • When he comes home from work, give him time to unwind.
  • In front of the children, be sure to honor and respect him.
  • When he is tired, keep your conversation brief.
  • Whether he is there or not, brag about him to people.
  • Don’t wear yourself out so when he wants sex, you will be available to him.
  • Allow your husband to be the “head of the house”.
  • Don’t nag or belittle him.
  • Give advice to him in a loving way.
  • Give him specific reasons why you are proud of him.
  • Surprise him with a gift he will really enjoy.
  • When you make a mistake, admit it to him.
  • Don’t make him feel guilty for the time he needs to be alone.
  • Show him you need him in different ways.
  • Forgive him when he offends you.
  • Leave plenty of time to be with him.
  • As often as you can, compliment him.
  • Don’t allow your family members to disrespect him.
  • Stay focused on the things your spouse is doing right.
  • Don’t focus on the things that are going wrong that he does.
  • Be respectful when you talk with him.
  • Look for ways to keep laughter in your conversation
  • Realize that he has feeling also so be gentle.
  • Tell him you like him and you love him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GENUINELY LISTEN TO YOUR SPOUSE

14 Nov

 GENUINELY LISTEN TO YOUR SPOUSE

 Genuine listening is one of the highest compliments that you can pay your spouse.

Psychologists, therapists and communication experts often discuss about the great benefits of being a “good listener.”

You can improve your marriage and have a spouse that enjoys to be around you by being a good listener.

Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself:

Do you interrupt your spouse when they are talking?

Do you show any signs of impatience while listening to your spouse talk?

Do you actually hear what they have said?

If you are an “active listener”, then you should practice focusing entirely on what your spouse is saying.

Is this possible?

Listening is a very hard skill to master.

Even communication therapists have trouble going home after a full day at work and have problems listening to their spouse.

Do you stop working and stop watching TV while your spouse is talking?

Do you stop reading and look at your spouse?

All these things are important to your spouse.

Do you fake like you are listening while you are really thinking about something else?

Here is a recipe to make your husband despise you:

** Never listen to him for long.

** Talk incessantly (without end) about yourself.

** If you want to talk while he is talking, don’t wait for him to finish, just bust right in and interrupt him in the middle of his sentence.

If listening to a spouse is so difficult for communication experts, what can you do?

The Holy Spirit can help you be an “active listener.”

This is what our God specializes in and He will let you hear your spouse’s heart even though it never came out of their mouth.

He can help you listen for your spouses unspoken fears and concerns.

God will show you when your spouse is reacting to a hurt or troubling mood.

You will learn how to listen without thinking about how you are going to respond.

God will show you the strengths and abilities of your spouse so you will know how much they will be able to handle.

You must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit who will show you impending trouble.

You serve a God who wants to give you great wisdom.

You can make your spouse feel so good and he will follow you anywhere.

Just give God the opportunity to help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

CREATE SOME SAFETY

13 Nov

CREATE SOME SAFETY

     Although we’ve been married since 1972, Barbara and I are still learning how to love one another in a way that casts out fear and keeps it from having a grip on our lives. So, for example, instead of getting irritated or resentful when Barbara sometimes feels reluctant to share her feelings, I recognize that my behavior can feel intimidating to her, and that’s a form of fear. Since I don’t want her to fear me (or my reaction to her), I need to change my behavior.

     We both know that we are totally committed to each other, and I want to be more sensitive to her disposition, which is so different from my own. I’ve also sought ways to gently encourage Barbara to open up, and she’s learning to take more risks as well. I want to embody God’s words: “Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame” (54:4).

     How are you different from your mate? How can you handle these differences in a way that makes your relationship totally safe for each other? Pray that you can grow as a couple to trust each other completely and so feel completely safe with one another.

NOTE:  This article is taken from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ADJUSTING TO ONE ANOTHER

12 Nov

ADJUSTING TO ONE ANOTHER

     In marriage, God brings together two people of differing backgrounds, tastes, and outlooks-and that means issues of adjustment, I’m sure you’ve noticed! But you may not have realized that the key to making these necessary adjustments in your relationship is for both of you to see each other and your marriage as more important than your individual values and desires. In fact, if you insist on holding on tightly to what you want, you’ll never develop the kind of relationship you really want.

     Keep some critical points in mind as you learn to make adjustments in your relationship:

     1.Recognize that adjustments are inevitable.

     Every married couple has to deal with grains of sand in their shoes. Remember what James wrote, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials” (James 1:2). He said when you encounter trials, not if  you encounter them. As you begin to accept the fact that you will have to make changes in your behavior and learn how to receive your mate as a gift from God, even with his or her frustrating traits, you’ll be heading in the direction of oneness in marriage.

     2. Understand that adjustments have a divine purpose.

     God uses such issues to combine two unique people into something new called “Us”. He uses adjustments to teach us how to love another dramatically different, imperfect human being. At prime moments, God will use your marriage to show you how to love the unlovely.

     3. Ask God for wisdom on how to live with this person who’s so different from you. 

     Instead of trying to change your spouse and correct all the bad habits, either accept the situation or adjust yourself. Barbara recalls, “I had to realize that God had to change Dennis. I couldn’t”. Martin Luther said, “Marriage may be an institution, but it isn’t a reformatory!”

     4. Be more concerned about your own rough spots than those of your spouse.

     Jesus instructed us to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take a speck out of someone else’s eye (Matt. 7:3-5). That’s truly advice made for marriage. If I’m not willing to make changes, how can I expect Barbara to change?

     5. Make a commitment to work through the inevitable adjustment together.

     The apostle Paul provided guidelines for handling adjustment rhubarbs, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself” (Phil. 2:3). That’s a description of a grace-filled marriage-giving your partner room to be different and flexing on his or her behalf.

     Look over my list of five adjustments and pick one that you’d like to implement for your spouse.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life & Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

NEVER SHAME YOUR SPOUSE

11 Nov

NEVER SHAME YOUR SPOUSE

A wife holds great power to make or break her spouse.

Your husbands name is IMPORTANT to him and you need to respect it.

Respect means to consider worthy of high regard; to refrain from interfering.

Respect is both an ATTITUDE and a way of acting and talking.

Do you respect your husband by giving him honor in word and deed?

This would be honoring and recognizing that your spouse has RIGHTS as a husband.

One of those rights is to not do anything that will shame him.

Disrespect and ridicule dishonors your spouse and DEMEANS him.

A wife is commanded to respect her husband.

Eph.5:33 “…The wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Jesus respected his parents even though they were uneducated, common people living a humble life.

Jesus showed respect to little children, lepers, tax collectors, those controlled by demons and for prostitutes.

If your creator can show respect for everyone, whom do you think you are to show disrespect to your spouse?

When you invited Christ into your life, the power of the Holy Spirit was given to you so you can show respect to your spouse and others whom you may feel DON’T deserve it.

1Pet.2:17 “Honor all people (including spouse), love the brotherhood.  Fear God.  Honor the king.”

You respect your spouses name when you respect his property.

Your spouse deserves the right to own and use the things he has WORKED for.

Showing disrespect to your spouse’s property often results in stealing.

Jesus said that he always did what honored his father.

We need to do what always honors our husband.

Behind every great man is an admiring and respecting woman.

A husband usually doesn’t rise above the level at which a wife respects him.

Lift your spouse to the next level that you both deserve to be on.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

 WHAT SHOULD ALL WIVES WEAR?

10 Nov

 WHAT SHOULD ALL WIVES WEAR?

 The expression you wear on your face for your spouse is far more important than the clothes you wear to look nice.

Prov.15:13 “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance…”

Smiling makes you more attractive to your spouse.

It is better than walking into your house looking like you are in a  ZOMBIE-like state!

Your spouse will be drawn to your smiling face because people want to figure out what is so good.

Your smile draws your spouse IN.

Smiling lifts the face and makes you appear younger.

It takes more ENERGY to ignore and pretend to be very serious, than it is to smile at your beloved.

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.

Prov.17:22 “A merry heart is good medicine but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

Smiling relieves stress because it prevents us from looking tired and overwhelmed.

STRESS can really show up in our faces.

Your immune function improves possibly because your more relaxed if you smile.

When you smile, it is a NATURAL drug.

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin.  These three make us feel better.

When you smile at your spouse, it makes you more APPROACHABLE.

Your smile is welcoming and your spouse will be more at ease around you.

Your smile to your spouse can be CONTAGIOUS.

Be completely pleased to see your spouse.

It can change your spouse’s mood after a long hard day and it doesn’t cost you anything.

Your secret weapon is your SMILE!!

Smile – it’s the next best thing you can do with your lips.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

 MAKING YOUR SPOUSE LIKE YOU

9 Nov

 MAKING YOUR SPOUSE LIKE YOU

There are ways to make your spouse like you and one of them is to be genuinely interested in them.

Morning, noon and night your spouse is interested in HIMSELF.

Phil.2:4 “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  KJV

 “Look out for the interest of others and not only for your own personal interest.”  NSB (New Simplified Bible)

Statistics show that it is easier for you to make your spouse a friend in two months by becoming genuinely interested in him than you can in two years trying to get him interested in you.

Spouses, it’s alright to do things for your SPOUSE that requires your time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Listen to what your spouse likes and take them a gift of something they will enjoy.

Listen for CLUES of what your spouse is interested on and initiate a conversation on the topic of his interests.

If you want to know what your spouse is interested in, have a Bar-B-Q and invite your spouse’s friends.  Listen to their conversation and you will learn their favorite topics.

In Meriden, Connecticut, a survey was done to see what subjects adults were most interested in studying.

The result of the study was that their first interest was Health.

The Second interest was in people:

How to understand and get along with people;

How to make people like you; and

How to win others to your way of thinking.

The authors sole purpose of his survey and book was to help readers discover, develop and profit from their physical and mental resources that are dormant and unused assets.

CASE AND POINT:  There was a time in my marriage when I felt like I didn’t have anything of interest to contribute in trying to open communication with my husband.  I decided that the only way I can have a conversation that would prompt his interest was to ask a question on one of his favorite topics.  When I did that, he opened up and kept talking.  I felt like I had really accomplished something in our marriage.

This may seem very hard and strange at first because it takes us out of our “comfort zone.”

It stretches us to talk on a subject that we not only know nothing about but we are also not interested in it at all.

God will bless your EFFORTS.

Anything you do to improve your marriage, the Holy Spirit will get in the middle and anoint it.

It has happened to me over and over again.

Marriage isn’t for babies, it’s for adults.

You will get on the ground and play with a silly toy just to bond with your child and see a smile on their face, yet you don’t take the time to make conversation on a topic your spouse loves.

What are you WAITING for?

I’m glad I didn’t wait.

Don’t lose out on this daily opportunity that won’t come back again because of your PRIDE.

Just ask a widow!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GOD LOVES UNITY IN MARRIAGE

8 Nov

GOD LOVES UNITY IN MARRIAGE

There will always be conflict in your marriage, your family, your workplace and in your church.

Chaos doesn’t create a marital relationship where you can safely express your FEELINGS.

In Proverbs, God states that he hates disunity

Prov.6:16-19 “…the Lord hates…he that soweth discord among brethren.”

Prov.10:12 “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”

A spouse that hates, makes a bad situation worse.

Wicked actions from a spouse can SOW discord when they disrupt the harmony, unity and peace within a marriage.

A chord in music is any harmonic set of two-three or more notes that is heard as if sounding simultaneously.

Music was first created in heaven.

Harmony is a must in music in order for the sound of every note to be heard as one.

God uses that same principle in our marriage.

When you stir up your passions AGAINST your spouse, you are alienating affections from your spouse.

Take every opportunity to promote unity and agreement.

God loves UNITY in a marriage.

Matt.5:9  “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

If “…blessed are the peacmakers”, then CURSED are the peace-breakers.

If peacemakers are the children of God, then peace breakers are the children of the devil.

Rom.16:17 “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”

Are you a spouse that is willing to disrupt peace in your home in order to accomplish an evil desire?

The bible not only tells us God HATES discord but to not have anything to do with them as if they were witches or murderers.

Deut.27:24 “Cursed be he that smiteth his neighbor secretly…”

The enemy will tell you that you have wasted seven years married to the wrong person.

Being married to someone for seven years is not a waste of time; it is an INVESTMENT in your future.

The more you invest, you will get a return on your investment.

WHY?  Because God is a giver!

You serve a God who sees everything and “He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.”

“Where there is envy and strife, there is confusion and every evil work”.  (Jas.3:16)

 EVERY EVIL WORK!!

Do you really want to be an initiator of “every evil work?”

Become a peacemaker right now!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

ARE YOU IGNORANT OF MARITAL FACTS?

7 Nov

ARE YOU IGNORANT OF MARITAL FACTS?

 How can we make right decisions if we are ignorant of the facts involved?

We CAN NOT!!

That is why when God told us the things that He hates he said a “lying tongue.”

 In Proverbs, God added to that another element of lying.

Prov.6:16-19 “… the Lord hates…a false witness that speaks lies…”

Here we see a specific type of lying—a false witness.

A false witness is a person who commits PERJURY, accusing an innocent person of something that they didn’t do.

Judges make decisions that effect people’s lives–many times dramatically.

If judges receive lies by witnesses, how can they render a JUST decision?

Truthful evidence is what judges depend on to be given to them.

The ninth commandment states ,“You shall not bear false witness.” Ex.20:16

False witness about your spouse has sins that bring strong disapproval:

First, Your words

Speaking things that are not true.

Psa. 12:22 “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.”

Second, Being a witness

Being a false witness for someone else.

Isa.5:23 “…who acquit the guilty for a bribe, but deny justice to the innocent.”

Third, Swearing to something that isn’t true.

Being a false witness against another.

“Devil is…the accuser of the brethren…”

Have you ever told someone something that your husband did or said but it was not true at all?

Have you ever told a “white lie” to your spouse to cover up for one of your children or siblings?

Have you ever sided against your spouse, swearing that they did something which they were not guilty of?

This type of false witness hurts and offends a minimum of THREE people: the person slandered, the person’s soul who is giving a false report, and the person (or persons) getting the false report.

This is like the venom from a scorpion.

INFORMATION:  There is a dangerous scorpion breed known as “Death Stalker Scorpions.”  This type of scorpion carries the most potent venom.  Androctonus Australis scorpion is the cause of many human deaths.  Most of these fatalities occur in the elderly, the sick, and the youngsters.

When we justify being a false witness about our spouse, we are injecting venom that is carried right into their “life line.”

This will bring death to a marriage faster than you can blink.

False witnessing usually occurs during DIVORCE proceedings.

In Mal.2:16, it is said that divorce bring in a spirit of “violence.”

That means that when you are in a divorce, you will have the temptation to bring a “false witness” against your spouse.

This is a death sentence on all who are involved especially children.

There are NO WINNERS.

Let the Holy Spirit put a guard over your mouth.

Never think because it is your husband that you can do and say what YOU want.

You are to be their “companion”, not their venomous scorpion.

The Holy Spirit desires to do a deep cleaning and restoration in your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.