SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

6 Apr

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

NOTE: The following are questions that have been asked by more than one person.

Question #1. What should a wife do if her husband is physically abusive.

Answer #1.

First, I want you to know that I am very concerned for you.  I don’t know the extent of what you are going through but you are not alone.

Second, you are in a very scary and difficult situation.  It is not your fault that this is happening.

Third,  your husband is at fault and responsible for the battering.

Fourth, you are in a very dangerous situation, try not to deny this! I am concerned about your safety.  It can only get worse.

Fifth, it is your decision on where you go from here.  Remember that you are not the only one hurt by this.

Sixth, you must admit that this abusive behavior is domestic violence.

Seventh, contact Domestic Hotline (800) 978-3600 or (800) 799-7233.

Your husband can change.  It needs to start with you.  You are the “helpmeet.”  God will help you as you take the steps in the right direction.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

Question #2. What should a mother do that has a husband who is physically abusive to her in front of the children.

Answer #2.

Many children who witness domestic violence in the home believe  that they are to blame, and live in a constant state of fear.  Children who are in homes where domestic violence occurs are likely to suffer physical abuse as well.  At this part, it is so hard for me to go through these symptoms without not wanting any child to go through this.

PHYSICALLY – they become withdrawn, non-verbal, anxious, guilty, on edge, tired, painful, headaches, stomach aches, irregular bowel habits, cold sores, bedwetting, nervous, short attention span, sick feeling, attention deficit disorder, fatigue, poor personal hygiene, self abuse, and suicidal.

BEHAVIORAL – violence acceptance, nightmares, distrusting of adults, academic failure, school drop-out, secretive and embarrassed of home situation.

EMOTIONALLY – feelings of distrust and affection, become overprotective, anxious, fearful, fear of parent abandonment, worry about safety of parent, grief, shame, low self-esteem, depression, helpless, powerless, aggression, hostility, anger, post tramatic stress disorder, nightmares, and insomnia.

SOCIALLY – desensitization to agressive behavior, anger, worry, feelings of resentment, and isolation from friends.

Ways adults can help children

First, find a Christian counselor for your child.

Second, find a loving and supporting adult to help the child heal and develop resiliency.  Hopefully a pastor or someone in your church.

Third, Provide a safe environment that does not include violence in any form.  Discipline should not involve hitting, name-calling or yelling.

Once again, contact the Domestic Hotline (800) 978-3600 or (800) 799-7233.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  IT IS VERY FUNNY!  Daily there is a new post.

DODGER DOG DAY

5 Apr

DODGER DOG DAY

We will continue on with the second thing your husband can’t do without – RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP.

Much of the information will come from the book, “His needs, Her needs” by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

One of the places that I really enjoy going to with my husband, is the Dodger baseball game.  We hardly have time, so we may go to one or two games a year.  When we do go, I absolutely love it.  We don’t eat hot dogs, only when we go to the ball game.  It makes the game that much better cause then we have two things to look forward to.  Their hot dogs are famous and almost everyone at the Dodger Stadium is standing and eating a “Dodger Dog.”

God’s word has different verses concerning recreation.

Let’s look in Malachi to see where the wife fits in.

Mal.2:14 “…she is your companion and the wife by covenant.”

The Hebrew root word implies an intimate partner; an accomplice.

In the dictionary, a companion is one who accompanies another.

In the middle of the word companion is the word “pan.”

Pan is bread, which is a “comfort food.” That is what a wife is, a COMFORT.

The verse goes on to say in verse 14, “…and your wife by covenant…”

A covenant is a formal and binding agreement under seal between two or more parties.

The covenant is that you are to be his FRIENDLY FRIEND!

When you are courting, you had no problem joining in his interests.

Your interest in his favorite activities helps SEAL the marriage deal.

Recreational compatibility is usually crucial criterion for men in selecting a wife.

Men place a HIGH importance on recreational activity.

Wives after marriage, usually try to convince their husbands into the activities they are interested in.

If they fail to convince their husbands to do what they want, they may encourage their husbands to continue their activities WITHOUT them.

Spending recreational time with his wife is ranked second only to sex for the typical husband.

When she doesn’t want to enjoy him, he may feel she is then moving in on his recreational life, which is one of the things that keeps him going.

The wife is making a dangerous choice by sending him off to his most enjoyable activity without his wife present to enjoy it with him.

The wife is taking a risk that someone of the opposite sex may turn up to be their companion and there is a risk of them falling in love.

You are missing out on a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY to have fun together.

Those hours and days are now lost because his favorite recreational companion was not there.

Many wives testify that the secret to their marriage is that they stayed together in PURSUNG a recreational activity.

Stay his COMPANION, HIS FRIENDLY FRIEND AND HIS CHEERLEADER!

It is better to find a babysitter for your children than your husband find a babysitter for him.

Note: Make two copies of the following list of activities.  Have your husband put a star (*) on the ones he would enjoy doing or put a (+) by the ones he might enjoy.  You do the same on your copy.  Match them up and start having fun together.  Let him know you are doing this so you can have fun with him.

Watch for the smile on his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACTIVITY                                                          ACTIVITY

ACTING                                                       FLYING (AS PILOT)

AEROBIC EXERCISE                                FLYING (AS PASSENGER)

AMUSEMENT PARKS                              FOOTBALL (WATCHING)

ANTIQUE COLLECTING                          FOOTBALL (PLAYING)

ARCHERY                                                    GARDENING

ASTRONOMY                                             GENEALOGICAL RESEARCH

AUTO CUSTOMIZING                              GOLF

AUTO RACING (WATCH)                        HAM RADIO

BADMINTON                                              HANDBALL

BASEBALL (WATCHING)                        HIKING

BASEBALL (PLAYING)                             HOCKEY (WATCHING)

BASKETBALL (WATCH)                          HOCKEY (PLAYING)

BASKETBALL (PLAYING)                        HORSEBACK RIDING

BIBLE STUDY                                              HORSE SHOWS (WATCHING)

BICYCLING                                                   HORSE RACING

BOATING                                                       HORSESHOE PITCHING

BODYBUILDING                                          HOT AIR BALLOONING

BOWLING                                                      HUNTING

BOXING (WATCHING)                               ICE FISHING

BRIDGE                                                           ICE SKATING

CAMPING                                                        JOGGING

CANOEING                                                     JUDO

CHECKERS                                                     KARATE

CHESS                                                              KNITTING

CHURCH SERVICES                                      METALWORK

COIN COLLECTING                                       MODEL BUILDING

COMPUTER PROGRAMMING                    MONOPOLY

COMPUTER GAMES                                      MOUNTAIN CLIMBING

COMPUTER __________________                      MOVIES

CONCERTS (ROCK MUSIC)                         MUSEUMS

CONCERTS (CLASSICAL MUSIC)               OPERA

CONCERT (COUNTRY MUSIC)                    PAINTING

CROQUET                                                          PHOTOGRAPHY

DANCING ___________________                          PLAYS

DINING OUT                                                      POETRY

FISHING                                                              POLO (WATCHING)

ACTIVITY                                                 ACTIVITY

POOL (OR BILLIARDS)                           WEAVING

QUILTING                                                   WOODWORKING

RACQUETBALL                                         TOBOGGANING

REMODELING (HOME)                           VIDEO GAMES

ROCK COLLECTING                                 VIDEO PRODUCTION

ROLLER-SKATING                                   VIDEO MOVIES (WATCHING)

SAILING                                                       WOODWORKING

SCULPTING                                                 WRESTLING

SHOOTING (SKEET,TRAP)                     YACHTING

SHOOTING (PISTOL)

SHOPPING (CLOTHES)

SHOPPING (GROCERIES)

SHOPPING (VEHICLES)

SHOPPING (______________)

SHUFFLEBOARD

SIGHTSEEING

SINGING

SKIING (WATER)

SKIING (DOWNHILL)

SKIING (CROSS-COUNTRY)

SKIN DIVING (SNORKELING)

SKYDIVING

SNOWMOBILING

SOFTBALL (WATCHING)

SOFTBALL (PLAYING)

SPEARFISHING

STAMP COLLECTING

SURFING

SWIMMING

TABLE TENNIS

TAXIDERMY

TELEVISION

TENNIS

MARITAL SUPER GLUE

4 Apr

MARITAL SUPER GLUE

An inventor died by the name of Harry Cooper at age 94.  This young chemist, in the 40’s and 50’s, by accident discovered an adhesive which today is known as “Super Glue” and “Instant Crazy Glue.”  From the beginning, it’s remarkable adhesive power has been used for an array of uses:  1.) to seal blood vessels in open heart surgery, 2.) assemble atomic bombs, 3.) leg fractures, 4.) applied to bloody wounds during the Vietnam War, 4.) etc.

One invention has changed the life style for people around the world and has caused a man to be financially set for life.

God our Father, who created (invented) the universe, also created marriage.

As an inventor, God created marital super glue, which is SEX.

Yet with all the books, therapy, clergy, counselors and other help, still over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

To bring some understanding, I will be using comments partly from the book “His needs, her needs” by Williard F. Harley, Jr.  He has collected more than forty thousand questionnaires from clients asking about their sexual history and behavior.

Sex unlocks a man’s EMOTIONS and the woman holds the key.

Harley has found three important differences between men and women when it comes to sex: sexual drive, awareness of their sexuality; and their primary reason to have sex.

1. SEXUAL DRIVE – The average man has a much higher sex drive than the average woman.  This is because the only known aphrodisiac, testosterone, flows in abundance through men while in much shorter supply in women.

Sex usually is a man’s number one emotional need.

2.   SEXUAL AWARENESS – It is the knowledge of how to respond sexually.  Boys tend to explore their sexuality earlier and more often than girls.  By the time they marry, men usually have an advanced sexual understanding than the wife.

Almost every man surveyed enjoyed his first heterosexual encounter, while most women reported finding it a disappointment.

Men know how to respond sexually, while the women haven’t figured it out yet.

The ROOT of many marital problems is that he is more experienced and motivated by strong desires and she is less motivated and experienced.

A man cannot achieve sexual fulfillment in his marriage unless his wife joins him in the sexual experience.

3.  SEXUAL MOTIVATION – With a much higher sex drive, the primary reason men have sex is to relieve their craving.  For women , the primary reason is intimacy and emotional bonding.

Women who are emotionally withdrawn from their husband are notoriously unwilling to have sex with him.

Negotiation begins with a respectful exchange of perspectives, and by discussing these differences with each other.  By searching for ways to make sex fulfilling for both of you, you will be able to find a solution to one of the most common problems in marriage.

SOLVING SEXUAL PROBLEMS

Sexual problems cause tension and unhappiness in many marriages, but these difficulties can be solved pretty easily.

For the wife to enjoy sex, she will need help from her husband.  If he does not communicate his care for her often and effectively, she will feel that he is insensitive and uncaring.

You can’t enjoy your end of a marriage if your spouse can’t enjoy his or her end.

If you care about your spouse, you don’t use or deny your spouse out of selfishness or ignorance.

Meet your spouse’s needs as you would want your spouse to meet yours.

Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

MAKE SEX A PRIORITY!!

The following is an article from “Today’s Christian Woman.”  The author shares about her attitude when her husband wanted to make love more often.  She said, “It just wasn’t one of my priorities.”

“I felt what I did all day was meet other people’s needs.  Whether it was caring for my children, working in ministry, or washing my husband’s clothes, by the end of the day I wanted to be done need-meeting.  I wanted my pillow and a magazine.  But God prompted me:  Are the “needs” you meet for your husband the needs he wants met? I realized my husband never complained when things were not getting done at home. I soon realized I regularly said “no” to the one thing he asked of me.  I sure wasn’t making myself available to my husband by militantly adhering to my plan  for the day… I’d been so focused on what I wanted to get done and what my children needed, I’d cut my hubby out of the picture.”

DO YOU REGULARLY SAY “NO” TO THE ONE THING HE ASKS OF YOU??

DO YOU CUT YOUR HUBBY OUT OF THE PICTURE AT NIGHT?

He put his trust in you when he married you that you would be sexually interested in him.

Has it turned out to be the biggest mistake of his life?

SIX THINGS YOUR HUSBAND CAN’T DO WITHOUT

3 Apr

SIX THINGS YOUR HUSBAND CAN’T DO WITHOUT

People usually marry because they find each other irresistible—they FALL IN LOVE.

Willard F Harley, Jr. in his book “His needs, Her needs” provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse.

From the information he has accumulated through his research, we will get right to the heart of what makes marriages work—THE FEELING OF LOVE.

In marriage, we must learn to meet each others emotional needs.

The first thing he can’t do without—SEXUAL FULFILLMENT

When a man chooses a wife, he makes this commitment because he trusts her to be as sexually interested in him as he is in her.

Unfortunately, the man finds that putting his trust in this woman has turned into one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

Some husbands tough it out, but many cannot and find SEX ELSEWHERE.

More than half of all married couples go through the agony of unfaithfulness and affairs.

The unfaithful man justifies his behavior by dwelling on the fact that the wife failed to keep her SEXUAL COMMITMENT to him.

Meeting each other’s needs:

a.) Many men lack skill in lovemaking because they fail to understand a woman’s need for affection as part of the sexual process.  When a man learns to be affectionate, his lovemaking will become very different.  The man interested only in satisfying his hunger for sex molests his wife more than anything else, because his technique is insensitive to her feelings.

b.) Many women don’t know how to enjoy meeting a husband’s compelling need for sex.  To satisfy her husband sexually, a wife must also feel satisfied.  Wives should try to make their bodies available to their husbands on a more regular basis but also learn to enjoy the sexual relationship as much as their husband does.

The second thing he can’t do without—RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP

It is not uncommon for single women to join men in pursuing their interests.

After marriage, many wives encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities WITHOUT THEM.

This is a dangerous choice because men place great importance on recreational activities.  Her interest in his favorite activities helps make enough Love Bank deposits to seal the marriage deal.

There is a risk of your SPOUSE falling in love with whoever turns out to be their recreational companion if they are of the opposite sex.

Engage in only those recreational activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together.

The third thing he can’t do without is a Good-Looking Wife—PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

A man has a need for an attractive wife and he feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife.

When this need is not met the husband feels FRUSTRATED.  They appreciate a good-looking wife.

Any woman can enhance her attractiveness to her husband.

Here are FIVE major areas to becoming attractive:

  1. Weight control programs
  2. The use of makeup
  3. A hairstyle he likes
  4. The right clothes
  5. Personal hygiene

Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.

The fourth thing he can’t do without is peace and quiet—DOMESTIC SUPPORT.

A man’s fantasy is that his home life is free of stress and worry.

Not many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare.

The fifth thing he can’t do without is for you to be proud of him—ADMIRATION

When a woman tells a man she thinks he’s wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more.

He sees himself as CAPABLE of handling new responsibilities and perfecting his skills.

A man thrives on a woman’s admiration.

Instead of making massive Love Bank deposits with admiration, spouses make massive withdrawals with CRITICISM.

Jesus Christ taught us, in Luke 6:31  “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

 

The sixth thing he can’t do without is YOU!!!

YESSS!!!!!  He married you to fulfill all of the above.

Did he make a mistake?????   You didn’t deceive him did you?????

During your courtship, you must have given him the idea that you had what it took to be his GIRLFRIEND, CHEERLEADER, FRIENDLY FRIEND AND LOVER  for a lifetime!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  We will be covering “things husbands can’t do without”.

MILLION DOLLAR BABY!

2 Apr

MILLION DOLLAR BABY!

A few years ago, Clint Eastwood made a movie called “Million Dollar Baby.”  It won a lot of awards at the Academy Awards.  What made this movie unique was a woman was being trained to box.

Today, cage fighting was the biggest-selling event on pay-per-view TV.  The fighter wins by knocking out or putting the opponent in a submission hold by which the opponent gives up, or “taps”, or by decision.  The sport embraces several different fighting techniques which usually involves punching and kicking, the clinch, and grappling.

More women are starting to train for this sport.   A trainer said that one out of 100 women that come in to train, will have “what it takes.”  There is hitting , choking, biting, broken bones, black eyes, and internal injuries as well.

Yuk!   Yuk!  I can think of a lot of other hobbies that would work.  Start with basket weaving.  Lol!!

Many times we find wives using fighting techniques like a cage fighter.

The following is a list of brutality that should never be used in your marriage.

  1. Isolation.  Do you isolate your spouse from their family?
  1. Intimidation.   Do you intimidate through looks, actions, and gestures?  Do you destroy your spouses’ personal property or give them a look like wait till you get home?
  1. Name calling.  This is a prime feature of emotional abuse.
  1. Threats. Do you direct threats to your spouse, your spouses’ family and friends, or threats to harm yourselves to get your way?
  1. Economic abuse.  Do you control family finances and keep your spouse on a weekly allowance while you have financial freedom?  Do you withhold family bank accounts from your spouse?
  1. Minimize violations.  Do you minimize the harmful violations that you are feeling guilty about?  Do you tell your spouse that what you did or said was “No big deal?”
  1. Blaming your spouse.   Do you tell your spouse that they provoked you to behave the way you did?
  1. Using the children.  Do you use your children to send intimidating messages to your spouse?

(Some of the above items from the list were taken out of a book called “Surviving Divorce” by Pamela Weintraub & Terry Hillman)

The behaviors above are found in abusive relationships that very often end in divorce.

If anywhere in the above list you find yourself, there is so much help that can be applied to your life.

The Holy Spirit (your guide, your teacher, your comforter, etc.) desires to help rebuild your marriage and it only takes you to call on Him.

If you feel convicted right now about your behavior, don’t condemn yourself.

In 1Peter, we have the answer.

1Pet.5:8-10  “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:  Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.  But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you.”

The word “sober” in the Greek means TO WATCH.

The word “vigilant’ in the Greek means TO KEEP AWAKE.

You are not a CAGE FIGHTER!!!

The ROARING LION is!!

Don’t you let him tell you that you will never change.

We can all change!

You were not setup for failure.  You are an OVERCOMER!!

Get out or the CAGE!!

Give God a chance!!   I did!!!

Now I have power to tread on roaring lions!!

God PROMISES us in his word to strengthen us!

Note:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

TALKING CHECKBOOK

1 Apr

TALKING CHECKBOOK

We can talk as spiritual as we want, but if God wants to know what our priorities are, all he has to do is peek in our checkbooks.

Our checkbook has a “blabber mouth”!!

Finances are one of the number one causes of DIVORCE.

God knows this and that is why 10% of the bible is about money.

The bible contains more verses on money than any other subject including prayer.

There are verses on lending, borrowing, saving, selling, buying and contentment on a godly life.

It is vital concern to God that you know how to EARN and MANAGE your own money or you will end up in the devils trap.

In handling money, Jesus talked about money in 16 out of 38 parables.

All money belongs to God.  Haggai 2:8 “The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, says the Lord of Hosts.”

Ok girls, here we go!!  Stay with me!!

I didn’t say that the silver and gold belongs to God, HE DID!!

IF, the silver and gold belongs to the Lord, why are you fighting with your spouse over it?

Money should never be allowed to divide you and your spouse.  Psa.9:10 “And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.”

You and your husband will never totally agree on how the money should be spent.   So what do you do??

Agree to disagree, lay your concerns on the table, and ask the Holy Spirit to intervene.

This needs to end on a WIN-WIN!

Not just end with you getting your way, but both of you giving and getting.

Your spouse is not in KINDERGARTEN and you are not his mother.

He has a mother so QUIT acting like one.

Remember girlfriend, we have talked about this, HE WORKS HARD!!

LET HIM ENJOY LIFE!!

LET HIM BUY RIDICULOUS TOYS!!

You do!! Let’s peek in that checkbook!

They say wives buy a lot of little things.  Men buy one big thing.

CASE AND POINT:  I know a wife that would not let her husband purchase an investment that he wanted.  She told me he was nuts to spend that extra money.  I told her that it wasn’t silly to him and I actually thought it was a pretty good investment.  She said NO!!  Today they are not together.

In my experience, if a wife won’t let her spouse enjoy his earnings every now and then, what else does she control?

A very spooky thought.

Wives many times are better at being frugal.  Your husband doesn’t care about after he is dead and your second husband having enough spending money.

HE WANTS TO HAVE FUN WITH HIS FAMILY NOW!!!

Wives financial beatitudes

  1. Blessed is the wife who is debt free—for she is truly free.
  1. Blessed is the wife that seeks godly counsel—for she shall receive wisdom.
  1. Blessed is the wife who works as unto the Lord—for she shall stand before kings.
  1. Blessed is the wife of integrity—for she shall have a clear conscience.
  1. Blessed is the wife who tithes, saves and shares—for she shall be able to provide for her family.
  1. Blessed is the wife who shares mercifully—for she shall receive money.
  1. Blessed is the wife who budgets—for she shall have enough at the end of the month.
  1. Blessed is the wife who is a good and faithful steward—for she shall be content in every circumstance.

(Note:  The beattitudes above was tweaked and parts taken from a book called “Woman-a formula for victorious living)

Eccles. 5:10-11 (LB) “He who loves money shall never have enough.  The foolishness of thinking that wealth brings happiness!  The more you have the more you spend, right up to the limits of your income…”

DON’T BE A FOOLISH WIFE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

MARRIAGE – 10 COMMANDMENTS

31 Mar

MARRIAGE – 10 COMMANDMENTS

I.     Thou shalt not marry in haste or thou mayest have to repent at leisure.

II.   Thou shalt have a home of thine own, no matter how small.  By your marriage you transfer your allegiance from your father’s house to your own.  Keep it there and avoid being double-minded.

III.  Thou shalt establish a family budget and live up to it.

IV.  Thou shalt observe birthdays and anniversaries and continue courting and you will stay out of court.

V.    Thou shalt practice thy religion at home.  If it doesn’t work at home there’s either something wrong with it or with you.  Look  for the best in people–not the worst.  Show appreciation to your spouse and overlook his faults.

VI.  Thou shalt beware of the little things that hurt marriages such as sharp words.  Thou shalt put thy spouses’ needs before thine own and be unselfish.  It only takes one match to start a fire.

VII.  Thou shalt have a family altar.  If you are too busy to read God’s words and pray every day, you are so busy that you grieve God.

VIII. Thou shalt serve the Lord in His church.  You live in a city with churches so if you want the Lord’s blessings, be willing to share in the church’s responsibilities.

IX.  Thou shalt have suitable recreations with Christian friends.  Keeping up with the Jones’ begats coveting, just as all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy…but all play and no Christian work is worse.

X.   Thou shalt regard thy children as a direct gift  from God.  Treat them as such.