People usually marry because they find each other irresistible—they FALL IN LOVE.
Willard F Harley, Jr. in his book “His needs, Her needs” provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse.
From the information he has accumulated through his research, we will get right to the heart of what makes marriages work—THE FEELING OF LOVE.
In marriage, we must learn to meet each others emotional needs.
The first thing he can’t do without—SEXUAL FULFILLMENT
When a man chooses a wife, he makes this commitment because he trusts her to be as sexually interested in him as he is in her.
Unfortunately, the man finds that putting his trust in this woman has turned into one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
Some husbands tough it out, but many cannot and find SEX ELSEWHERE.
More than half of all married couples go through the agony of unfaithfulness and affairs.
The unfaithful man justifies his behavior by dwelling on the fact that the wife failed to keep her SEXUAL COMMITMENT to him.
Meeting each other’s needs:
a.) Many men lack skill in lovemaking because they fail to understand a woman’s need for affection as part of the sexual process. When a man learns to be affectionate, his lovemaking will become very different. The man interested only in satisfying his hunger for sex molests his wife more than anything else, because his technique is insensitive to her feelings.
b.) Many women don’t know how to enjoy meeting a husband’s compelling need for sex. To satisfy her husband sexually, a wife must also feel satisfied. Wives should try to make their bodies available to their husbands on a more regular basis but also learn to enjoy the sexual relationship as much as their husband does.
The second thing he can’t do without—RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP
It is not uncommon for single women to join men in pursuing their interests.
After marriage, many wives encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities WITHOUT THEM.
This is a dangerous choice because men place great importance on recreational activities. Her interest in his favorite activities helps make enough Love Bank deposits to seal the marriage deal.
There is a risk of your SPOUSE falling in love with whoever turns out to be their recreational companion if they are of the opposite sex.
Engage in only those recreational activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together.
The third thing he can’t do without is a Good-Looking Wife—PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
A man has a need for an attractive wife and he feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife.
When this need is not met the husband feels FRUSTRATED. They appreciate a good-looking wife.
Any woman can enhance her attractiveness to her husband.
Here are FIVE major areas to becoming attractive:
- Weight control programs
- The use of makeup
- A hairstyle he likes
- The right clothes
- Personal hygiene
Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.
The fourth thing he can’t do without is peace and quiet—DOMESTIC SUPPORT.
A man’s fantasy is that his home life is free of stress and worry.
Not many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare.
The fifth thing he can’t do without is for you to be proud of him—ADMIRATION
When a woman tells a man she thinks he’s wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more.
He sees himself as CAPABLE of handling new responsibilities and perfecting his skills.
A man thrives on a woman’s admiration.
Instead of making massive Love Bank deposits with admiration, spouses make massive withdrawals with CRITICISM.
Jesus Christ taught us, in Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
The sixth thing he can’t do without is YOU!!!
YESSS!!!!! He married you to fulfill all of the above.
Did he make a mistake????? You didn’t deceive him did you?????
During your courtship, you must have given him the idea that you had what it took to be his GIRLFRIEND, CHEERLEADER, FRIENDLY FRIEND AND LOVER for a lifetime!!
NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post. We will be covering “things husbands can’t do without”.
LOVE YOUR SPOUSE 
Thank you Sister Nancey you have been a great help to me concerning my marraige.I have alot of changing to do but it worth it .thank you for this post.
Hi Rosalie! Thanks so much for your comment. You are so correct concerning changing. We all need to change daily. My love for God and not wanting to hurt Him keeps me going. I heard something about marriage that I have never forgotten. “Women marry men and can’t wait to change him. Men marry women hoping that they never change.” How sad that us women do change. Go back to being his girlfriend, companion and that girl he fell in love with. We let kids, bills, responsibilities and the cares of this world change us. I’m praying for you and know you can do it. You have a helper. The Holy Spirit!
Sister Nancy this is so true, we tend to forget our beginnings. that we raffle, thinking we are advancing when really we are killing the real core of our relationship. This will really help me to reflect and consider areas that need refining or simplifying. God bless you sister and keep smiling
Hi Rollie! I am glad that you enjoyed this blog. Sad that half of marriages don’t make it when God has all the answers. Marriage is His “Holy Institute.” What a blessing to be a part of that. I was thinking of Disneyland, the happiest place on earth. They work like crazy and spent a fortune to keep it like that. How much more our marriage. We should put everything into it so it could be the happiest place on earth.