TRUE STORY: Stepchilds Heartbreak

20 Mar

TRUE STORY

A Stepchilds Heartbreak

 

NOTE:  The following is the testimony of a stepchilds hurts.  Although it was for just a very short period that the marriage lasted, it still made an impact that will last a lifetime.  I am posting this today because once again, statistics show that every child alive today, one out of two will either be a stepchild or be a step parent. 

When I was about 10 years old, my mother got married. I was raised with 2 sisters. We all handled their marriages differently because of our ages. My younger sister was 6 and my older sister was about 12. Up until that point, my sisters and I shared everything with my mom. My father had never been a part of my life, so my mom had done all things alone, to the best of her abilities. It was never easy, but we were happy. When I found out my mom was going to re-marry, I guess it didn’t bother me at first. I thought I might have the opportunity to have a father figure in my life.
​When my mom left for her honeymoon with her new husband, I just could not understand why we couldn’t go with her. It was the longest week of my life. Believe it or not, I experienced feelings of rejection from that. My life, as well as the lives of my sisters, changed after that day. I never did have the opportunity to have that father figure that I desired and we no longer had the mother we once knew.
​As a child, I had a lot of expectations for this marriage. I saw my mom, the person we looked up to, the prayer warrior, go through depression from this marriage. One day, it was pouring rain and my older sister and I had to walk a 2-3 mile walk home from school only to find out, when we walked in the door, that my mom was home and had forgotten us. She would forget to do very important things in our lives, which caused so much resentment, as well as other feelings towards her and the whole situation.
​As a teenager, I accepted Christ into my life and begin to lock into several different ministries that were offered for my age. With help from God, and much Godly counsel from several women that were in my life, I was able to overcome all of the areas in my life that had caused me so much pain. I was able to forgive, and see my mom through God’s eyes. I am so grateful that my mother raised us in church and worked so hard to support my sisters and me.
Although you and your children may not have had the same experiences that I had as a child in a step family home, most children in step family homes have so many feelings they don’t even understand. God created us to have a family with our mom and dad. The devil does everything in his power to destroy that. In the after math, children have to live with the reality that they will never have their mother and father, together, in their lives. Even when they are in a home with great stepparents, many times, it is not the same for them. That doesn’t mean that as a parent you have done a bad job. They are still children and can’t help how they feel.

Children in stepfamilies have thoughts and feelings that go along with your marriage.
Don’t leave your child out.
Keep a close relationship with them.
Receive counsel if you are experiencing problems with your child and if everything is fine. Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Your child might have been fine with your new marriage as a child but, as a teenager, they may feel much different.

A NOTE FROM NANCY:  We have discussed before and I will give a quick summation of the teaching for parents and children.  DON’T try to get your spouse to love your children the way he loves his.  It may never happen!!  Nor should you try to get your children to love their stepparent the way they love their biological parent.  That is so torcherous to all involved.  What you want to aim for is: ACCEPTANCE, TRUST and RESPECT.  That will work because we all need to accept everyone for who they are, faults and all.  Show respect to them as you so any stranger and learn to trust God to show you the areas that the person could be trusted in.

10 Responses to “TRUE STORY: Stepchilds Heartbreak”

  1. Andrea Gil March 20, 2011 at 4:57 pm #

    a very helpful testimony! as a new wife and step mom to a 10 year old girl and 7 year old boy. as well as 2 adult girls and grandsons of my own. keep my in prayer. We are seeking counsleing. Some days are harder than others.

    • nancysalazar March 20, 2011 at 8:23 pm #

      Hi Andrea! Remember, the harder the task, the more of Gods grace will be in our lives. Nothing we do for children goes unnoticed. In fact, God says that He becomes indebted to the one who care for his little ones. That would be you!!!

  2. Lawann Randall March 20, 2011 at 5:08 pm #

    Wow not having a father in my life after age 11 or so is the reason why my life was so miserable and destructive. My mom looking for love like I was had boyfriends that she wanted us to except as our fathers and I hated it. Man I went through a couple relationships trying to find the man that would treat me like I would have liked my father to have done. So much heartache and rejection resulted from my search. Now my son is going through the same things that I went through in his life now. It’s sad because unless he excepts Christ into his life all the hurts and pains will be there for life. I cry sometimes cause it’s hard to watch him look for his mom in his relationships. I wasn’t there for him until now and had other men that I wanted him to except as his father so he has alot of issues. But I know that just the way God changed me and put people in my life like you Nancy that showed
    me so much love, is the same way he will do my Son. I don’t regret anything that I’ve been through in my life now,because I know that GOD has been using it for his honor and glory!!!!! So there devil!!!!!

    • nancysalazar March 20, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

      Hi Lawann! Thanks so much for your comment. I know that it will help many women. We can’t go backwards and fix our past. We can make our future a blessing to the lives around us. Your son has the opportunity to change his life around. You keep praying and believing. Remember that God says He doesn’t remember that Lawann only the new one he has now created. PRAISE GOD!! Love your!

  3. Monique March 21, 2011 at 7:06 am #

    Thanks for sharing this!! And Amen Lawann!!

  4. Cathy Garcia March 21, 2011 at 4:08 pm #

    After many years of working with kids, I see firsthand how much they hurt when one of their parents gets married. It takes a lot of work to make a blended family work and I wish more people would think twice about remarriage if they have children. If they do choose to remarry, they should discuss discipline and standards BEFORE the marriage and consider the children who often suffer in silent anger. Thanks for sharting.

  5. nancysalazar March 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

    Hi Cathy! Yes, I totally agree. I know you fight the enemy to help families to work. That is why I appreciate this letter that was given to me, also all the comments that have gone with it. It is very painful for the kids and it is an up hill battle for them through life. Thanks so much for your comment. I will make parents tHINK TWICE. Love you

  6. Melissa Martinez March 24, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Sister Nancy, this is a great story, I myself am a step mother to my daughter who has had no contact with her biological mother since before I came into the picture, and as a result I see what it has done to our relationship, even though before I gave my life as well as my whole families life to the lord, our relationship was rocky, I see it more now than ever, I pray everyday for God to restore our relationship, I know there is one reason as to why she doesn’t open fully or has a “wall” up towards me and that’s because she feels the rejection now more than ever from her mother because she’s growing into a young woman. although she loves God and she sees what He has done in our life, she still hasn’t been able to find the reason as to WHY her mother left, we have given her answers on it but she’s not satisfied with them. This blog has given me an insight as to how I can help her, so from the bottom of my heart I thank you for that!! God bless!!

    • nancysalazar March 24, 2011 at 9:33 am #

      Hi Melissa! I loved your comment. Look at some of the past blogs I think last Sunday I did a special answer for step parents. It is a hard road because they will take their hurt of their biological parent and vent it on the stepparent. The older she gets, the wiser she gets, now she knows and feels all the rejection. Truth is, MOMS A DEAD BEAT MOM. HURT! HURT! HURT! The best thing for you is to do the following: ACCEPTANCE- accept her as she is, RESPECT-treat her with respect, and TRUST- try to establish trust in your relationship. It would be great if you can discuss this with her and let her know that she can expect this of you and you would like to expect this of her. If one of you messes up, then start over. Don’t give up. This will help her when she gets married because she will do the same with her husband. If not, she will take her hurt and attitudes into her very own marriage. God will doubly bless for your effort because you will have saved two marriages. Check those other posts I did and they will help you. Partner with the Holy Spirit!!

  7. Brandi July 31, 2016 at 1:58 am #

    robinson.buckler @ yahoo . com did a love spell for me about 3 days ago and the results came like miracle…

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