CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN?? (Part 1)

4 Mar

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN??  (Part 1)

I remember those words growing up with five brothers.  My mother always suffered with headaches but if I had five sons I probably would have headaches too.  Lol!!  She slept in the living room, so as we would be making our breakfast, the famous words were, “Can’t you keep the noise down?”  As I remember it, telling that to five boys made noise making even more adventurous for them to up it a couple of octaves.

At the academy awards, when  the “Kings Speech” won best picture.  We were so excited since we were missionaries in England for five years and have an abundance of  love for that country.

Today I would like to talk about a “Wives Speech.”  I found that 1Peter is the perfect verse to use.

1Peter 3:3,4 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of GREAT PRICE.”

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  These verses say it all!

The word “meek” in Greek is pronounced prah-ooce’ which means MILD.

The word “quiet” in Greek means to KEEP STILL in one’s seat, UNDISTURBED and PEACEABLE.

These verses are saying that God loves to see the meek and quiet spirit at work in our lives.

The “outward adorning” is the Greek word Kosmos which the word cosmetics comes from.

Here are some ways to acquire the attitude of MEEKNESS.

1.  Ask God to remove any roots of stubbornness or aggression in you.

2.  Ask God to give you situations in which you can practice meekness.

LISTEN TO THIS TRUE STORY:

In Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems”, he talks about when he was in a church in the city of Kiev in the Ukraine.  They were at this large table having borsch, which is a soup.  There was an elderly lady there serving the borsch.  She was about seventy-five years old and had very deep wrinkles.  He could tell that she had a very hard life.  He asked the pastor who she was.  The pastor said with a sparkle in his eyes and a glowing face, that she was his wife.  He began to tell Rick how this woman waited 15 years for him while he was doing a prison sentence.  (In Russia, they put you in jail for the slightest thing.)  He also stated that during that time, she was responsible for rearing and providing for their 15 children.

As I was thinking about sharing this story with you, I thought about this woman.  I don’t know if she is still alive.  I don’t know her children have to be.  Can you imagine them reading this blog right now and saying to themselves that their mother would have never thought her story would be going around the world.

She just did what she could, with what she had.

That pastors love goes beyond her looks.  She let it be “the hidden man of the heart, in which is not corruptible.”

The next time you are adorning yourself with perfume, makeup, and attractive clothing, stop and check your spirit.

Are you meek?  Or are you acting rude, selfish and prideful towards your husband?

Does your husband have that sparkle in his eyes and a glow on his face?

You can put it there today!!  Go on girl, you are his GIRLFRIEND!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  We will continue with part 2.

Why is it so hard to listen and What to do about it

3 Mar


Why is it so hard to listen and What to do about it

Assumptions: You think you know what the person is going to say so you don’t listen or you interrupt to fill in the gaps.
Solution: Listen with an open mind.

Bias: You let the person’s outward appearance or opinions block you from truly hearing what is said.

Solution: Don’t focus on any one thought or emotion that you have.

Control: You feel the need to interrupt, rush and/or correct what the person is saying.

Solution: Listen with your heart as well as with your ears remembering the importance of relationship. Maintain a relaxed, non-hurried posture that communicates at their agenda is important to you. Don’t be petty.

Distraction: You lose attentiveness because you think faster than they speak so you think about what you are going to say next.

Solution: Stay in the moment. Hang on to every word. Refrain from planning ahead to what you will say. Maintain eye contact which will help you keep focused on the person and communicate that you are with them.

Ego: You put your own need to be the focus of attention before the other person.

Solution: Work at respecting and valuing the other person. Learn to love your neighbor as yourself.

SATURDAY  QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

2 Mar

SATURDAY  QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

NOTE: Read this. Society is changing so one out of two children will at some point in their lives, live in a step-family. So, DON’T IGNORE THIS BLOG!!

QUESTION #1 How do you deal with your children when they have been affected through your remarriage? How do you deal with the hurt and anger the children now have towards their step-father?

ANSWER #1 These are some powerfully loaded questions. I would need to ask you many questions like, how many kids do you and him have, what are their ages, how long did you wait after the other spouse was gone, to get remarried, etc.

First I want to recommend videos that I have not seen yet, but I have heard their cds. It is about active parenting in stepfamilies. The authors are Michael Popkin and Elizabeth Einstein. Look up their website for their materials. MOST comments that I will be making are from their seminar at Smart Marriages 2007.

1. It is essential for both step-parents to be united regarding parental approach. Repeat, the marriage must be united in order for the children to be successful.

2. What makes step-parenting different

A). Too close. Too soon syndrome.

After the death of a parent or a divorce, parents don t want to do the hard work of grieving or help their children through their trauma. They would rather remarry. Notice that there is nowhere in the bible where remarriage is discussed.

B). Parents bring their same old self and same old baggage into the next marriage.

3. Denial is another issue.

Denying the kids their need to grieve. Kids need both biological parents in their lives. Having an absentee parent is a very devastating thing to a child. They frequently take that out on the step-parent. Your X-spouse is your childs parent and they must be integrated into the system.

4. Denying intense feelings. Anger, jealousy, hurt, fear are all there. Kids have to take these feelings out on somebody, so they pick their step-parent. Structure takes from 4-7 years if they have had help with inner- healing. The sad fact is that most divorcees remarry within 3-5 years. That means that the children have not recovered and their healing process is not finished. There is whole extended system of extra people. For the children, each step parent has a family forest the children are immediately thrown into. They didn t grow up with these families nor did they chose them. But now they have to turn their delicate emotions around and please everyone instantly. This is difficult for an adult, how much more a child. Help them or they will be angry, bitter and not accept discipline from anyone. They need to know they have two loving parents in both homes and responsibilities in both homes. There is no biological connection from a step-parent, so they will not accept discipline early on.

5. Main challenges.

1. Discipline

2. Money

Lack of parenting skills can kill a marriage. Successful families learn from their problems but all families have problems. Problems give the parents an opportunity to teach problem-solving skills.

6. Understand instant love is a myth. You may never love your step parent or step child so go for relationship. Acceptance, trust and respect are what a relationship needs. The love may never come but acceptance, trust and respect you MUST HAVE.

There is a lot of help out there for step families. Please, please take advantage of it. DON T do it on your own. Those kids need the help!!!

HELP! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS (part 3)

1 Mar

HELP! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS (part 3)

If the root cause of most diseases and ailments is excessive stress, then instead of treating the root cause, many physicians are treating the symptoms

Prescriptions to treat these symptoms are at an all time high.

(Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro)

These drugs DO NOT prevent stress.

Even with these addictive drugs, we are not sure that they even help the symptoms.

Excessive release of “stress hormones” damages cells, tissues, and organs.

7.  Through Christ, Anxiety can be Overcome.

 

Phil.4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”

In the Greek, the word “strengthen” means to EMPOWER.

The Apostle Paul had  INVISIBLE SUPPORT.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know about you, but my husband LOVES, loves, loves, those super hero movies.  I don’t think we have ever missed a one.  Why? Because the odds are unfair.  He is endued with power and tears everyone up.  Of course there is the evil one, but he overcomes and we walk out of the cinema happy.

God wants you to call on him because only he can give you the strength to overcome whatever catastrophes may hit your marriage.

8.  God promises to meet all our needs.

Phil.4:19  “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

 

The Philippians knew that it was impossible to out give God.

Whatever you are anxious about, remember that you cannot out give God.

STOP taking it out on your husband.

Is he wanting to get something that you have decided that not only is it to expensive but it doesn’t make sense.

Your sense, if I may.   DON’T treat him like he is in kindergarten!!

 

He is a big healthy boy.  He works hard and his desires don’t have to match yours.

In fact, they probably NEVER WILL.

Make the sacrifice for him.  GOD WILL MEET YOUR NEED!!!!

Okay, we will move on wives, but one day “I’ll Be Back” and we will cover that finance topic again.

9.  With you is the grace of God.

 

Phil.4:23 “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.”

Grace is Gods undeserved favor.

CASE AND POINT: Some one told my daughter that there could be a hundred girls in a room, but God will point her out and she would be chosen.  That is exactly what happened to her.  She was picked from a studio out of hundreds of girls to go free of charge to China.

Stay with me!!! The grace of God is WITH YOU!!

How would you even know that if you weren’t pinned in a corner.

Undeserved favor means you DON’T deserve it!!

Has your spouse done or said something stupid.  Well, so have you.  AND ME!!

Anxiety is a marriage killer!! You only need a dose of God’s grace!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows blog.

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS! (Part 2)

28 Feb

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS! (Part 2)

The American Academy of Pediatrics estimated in the year 2000 that one in five children in the United States had psychosocial problems related to stress.

We are at epidemic levels of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, sexual dysfunction, sleep disorders, osteoporosis, alcoholism, road rage and other forms of violent behavior, PMS, and headaches.

At the root of most of these diseases and ailments we find excessive stress!

 

4. Practice Godly Behavior

Phil.4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me…put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”In the Greek, the word “practice” means to PERFORM REPEATEDLY or habitually.

This is EXCELLENT!! When anxiety hits you, that is the time to put everything you have been taught to practice.

What are you to put to practice?

1. Learned – Christian things you have practiced.

2. Received – Christian things that have blessed you.

3.  Heard – Christian things you have perceived through hearing.

4.  Seen – Christian miracles you have experienced

Your Christian walk and marriage is not to be dead, dry and formal.

It is to be ALIVE and VIBRANT.

5. Put others needs first

Phil.4:10 “…you have renewed your concern for me…you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.”Anxiety often occurs because of selfish concerns. You cannot bless others without getting blessed yourself.

When you put others first, especially your husband, it is a generous  gift  which is evidence of your love for him.

When a need is met in your life, you are overjoyed.  It is the same with others.

Today, find something he NEEDS and surprise him by meeting that need.

6. Work on Contentment

Phil.4:11 “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

In today’s world, people are not content whether they have a lot or if they have little.

People who are discontented usually don’t know the difference between needs and wants.

We become like a hamster running around on  wheel.

Many wives put a lot of pressure on their husbands to make them content.  True contentment is to glorify God and be with him through eternity.

When difficult times came, Apostle Paul was content because he had learned to live with very little.

Paul allowed bad circumstances to not control his contentment.

How do you treat your husband when he doesn’t meet your needs?   Do you let it pass?

Contentment and godliness is GREAT GAIN.

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS (PART 1)

27 Feb

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS (PART 1)

Let’s first start out with some pretty startling statistics.

According to the American Institute of stress, 75 to 90 percent of all visits to a primary care physician’s office are related to stress disorders.

Feelings of stress are driving us to the pharmacy shelves.

Every year Americans are consuming:

5 billion tranquilizers,

5 billion barbiturates,

3 billion amphetamines, and

16 tons of aspirin every year.

Much of this “medicine” is being taken to help alleviate stress or the resulting headaches and pain associated with stress!

We will get back to more statistics, but lets see what Gods word says about solving the problem.

Phil.4:6 “be careful for nothing…”
The Greek word for “careful” is pronounced mer-im-nah’-o and it means to be anxious about.

In other words, the verse means not to be anxious about ANYTHING. Not finances, not time, not work, not family, not friends, not health, not food, not circumstances or our husbands, are we to be anxious about.

HOLD THAT TIGER!!!

Sounds hard? For our flesh, it is extremely hard. This is why we need the leading of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Remember that the Holy Spirit is our teacher, guide, comforter and anything that we are not, HE IS. Isn’t that great!! The lover of our soul!

WHAT TO DO WHEN ANXIOUS

#1 Earnest prayer

Phil.4:6 “…but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

The word “supplication” in the Greek means requests.

The word “thanksgiving” in the Greek means with gratitude.

In other words, we are to take everything including our anxieties to God, requesting with gratitude to Yahweh Yireh, our provider.

#2 Trust God for Peace of Mind

Phil.4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

In the Greek, the word “peace” means rest. The word “understanding” in the Greek means of the mind.

So it means the rest that God will bring to your mind cannot be understood by our intellect.

In other words, we are too dumb to understand it. LOL!

I AM SORRY. It is just that it has happened to me so many times that it is almost embarrassing. God will tell me not to worry. My stubborn flesh says, “Well, if you don’t worry and don’t take care of it, who will take care of it? No one cares but you!” Then I start worrying again. But when I start crying out to Gods precious Holy Spirit, I have peace again.

#3 Think on Positive Thoughts

Phil.4:8 “Whatsoever things are TRUE, whatsoever thing are HONEST, whatsoever things are JUST, whatsoever things are PURE, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are of GOOD REPORT, if there be any praise, think on these things.”

When we feel anxiety, it’s a sign that we need to RELAX!

Use the word of God to relax with. IT WORKS EVERY TIME!!

Let’s be real now. So many times we are stressed about things that are not important at all.

If you are the type of woman who visits with her family all the time whether it is on the phone or seeing them, don’t bring their problems home. A man is not equipped to deal with a womans emotions. He can’t feel what she is feeling because he is a man. Just like you can’t get all excited about opening up the hood of a new car and start checking out all the nonsense that is going on under the hood. Yet, you expect him to be sensitive to every member of the family and what their children and their children’s children are going through. GIVE IT A REST!!

I have never met a young man who couldn’t wait to get married so he could be MOTHER MACREE to the family.

When we first got married, my husband could always tell when I had a family visit on my day off. I would come home in a mood.

Or you might be the type of wife that wants him to solve problems for your girlfriends at work or church. When he doesn’t you feel he is being selfish.

LET THE ANXIETY GO!! You will bury your marriage, one shovel at a time

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrow! We will continue on this marriage killer, ANXIETY.

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued /Final)

26 Feb

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued /Final)

In the past two days, we have covered two of the top needs in your husband’s life.  Respect and to be needed.

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, he tells us what these top three are.

The third is to be FULFILLED.

1.  For your husband, sexual fulfillment fills a powerful emotional need!

Your husband needs sex and he needs for you to enjoy it.

1Cor.7:4-5 “The wife hath not power of (over) her own body, but the husband (does): and likewise also the husband hath not power of (over) his own body, but the wife (does).  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again (continue to have sexual intercourse), that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

According to surveys taken from Shaunti Feldhahn in her book “For women only” when men were asked how important it was for them to feel sexually desired and wanted by their wife, 66% said very important. Also, 31% said somewhat important and the other 3% were in the irrelevant and not very important category.

Wow!  97% of husbands NEEDED THEIR WIVES TO DESIRE THEM SEXUALLY!

Don’t ignore that number!

Your husband may not tell you but he could be burdened with secret feeling of inadequacy

The same way you would feel if your husband stopped speaking to you, is as emotionally serious to him.

74% of men said that they could not be sexually satisfied if their wives were reluctant or just accommodating to their sexual needs.

Sex makes your man feel loved and gives him the strength to face the world with confidence.

A fulfilling sex life creates great benefits in your husbands life..

This verse plainly explains that it is FRAUD if one or the other refrains from sex without the others permission.

I have worked with many wives who have refused sex all together.

What I tell them is the next time they refuse their husband sex, she needs to go on a FOOD FAST the next day.  Then I ask her what she thinks she will be thinking about all day and how will her stomach feel.

This may seem unfair, but this is exactly how HE FEELS.

He didn’t marry you because he couldn’t wait for you to hang those ugly flowered curtains on your kitchen windows.

He didn’t marry you for your great cooking cause his mothers cooking was better.

He married you because he thought he was going to have GREAT SEX with his bride the rest of his life.

Dr. Laura says that what every husband wants is his wives naked body slapped against his.

Did you marry him under FALSE PRETENCES?

Let the food burn girls.

2.  He also needs to know that he is your number one priority.

Once you get married, your husband ends up last.  Kids, housecleaning, work, neighbors, hobbies, cooking and everything else comes first.

Your husband needs to be fulfilled by you emotionally and physically.  You were hand-picked to do this and equipped for it.

RESPECT, TO BE NEEDED AND FULFILLMENT

The three basic needs are to be respected, to be needed, and to be fulfilled.

Once again, the exciting part is that wives are EQUIPPED to do all three.

Want a great marriage that will last a lifetime?  Put these three basic needs to practice starting TODAY!

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

A special thanks to Jackie Melendez for sharing this great book with me.