Archive | Growth Areas RSS feed for this section


19 Apr


Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected


Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?” 

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  We are on our series on “How to get your spouse to think your way.”


18 Apr


Number 1:

To Win the Argument, Avoid It.

Nine times out of ten, arguments end with each person more convinced they are right.

Why make your spouse feel uncomfortable?

Why put your spouse in an embarrassing situation?

If you are not asked for your opinion, they don’t want it, so why argue?

Shouldn’t you let your spouse save face?

If you prove your spouse wrong, is that going to make them like you?

THINK, how much better could it be if you are not argumentative?

Do your know how to get the best of an argument?  AVOID IT!!

Arguments can be avoided.  God hates arguments!!!  Prov. 6:17-19 “…these six things doth the LORD hate:  yea, seven are an abomination unto him…an heart that deviseth (thinks) wicked imaginations…and he that soweth discord (stirs up trouble and anger) among brethren.”


An important thing to keep in mind is that your spouse probably has ”goodwill” about what they are saying.

Would you rather have a victory or your spouses’ “goodwill?”  You seldom can have both of them.

‘Goodwill’ is the friendly hope that something (or someone) will succeed.

The truth of the matter is that your spouse probably truly wants to help you succeed.

Don’t, DON’T, Don’t let the devil lie to you.

CASE AND POINT:  When my daughter was in her early teens she asked me to take her to a Christian rock festival.  It was an all day affair.  I don’t like rock music and I was dreading it.  Every other day my husband would mention it and start laughing at me.  I was furious but I didn’t want him to know he was getting to me.  Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore.  I told him in private to “knock it off.”  He was shocked when I told him how mad I was at him constantly laughing and making me mad.  He told me that I was so wrong in my conclusion.  He told me he knows how I can’t stand the hard rock, yet I am totally willing to make our daughter happy.  His words made me feel so good, that I almost wanted to go after he said that.  I went and I believe the “Newsboys” or some group like that was there cause there was an array of groups.  It was an excellent sound with choreography and I had a great time.

This kind of incident happens occasionally but I have decided to believe my spouses’ intentions are with “goodwill.”‘


Let me say it again:  Give your SPOUSE the benefit of the doubt!!!!


Prov.29:20 “Seesth thou a man that is hasty in his words?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.”

Here are some suggestions for how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument.  This is from Bits and Pieces, published by The Economic Press.

Welcome the disagreement.

If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention.  Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.

Distrust your first instinctive impression.

Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive.  Be careful.  Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction.  It may be you at your worst, not your best.


Control your temper.

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

Listen first.

Give your spouse a chance to talk.  Let them finish.  Do not resist, defend or debate.  This only raises barriers.  Try to build bridges of understanding.  Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement.

When you have heard your spouse out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Be honest.

Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.  Apologize for your mistakes.  It will help disarm your spouse and reduce defensiveness.

Promise to think over your spouses’ ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.  Your spouse may be right.  It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your spouse can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Thank your spouse sincerely for their interest.

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.  Think of your spouse as someone who really wants to help you, and remember that you want to remain friendly to each other.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear.

Job 6:25 “How forcible are right words!  But what doth your arguing reprove (prove)?

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post which is a continuation of this series “How to get your spouse to think your way.”


1 Apr

A few years ago, Clint Eastwood made a movie called “Million Dollar Baby.”  It won a lot of awards at the Academy Awards.  What made this movie unique was a woman was being trained to box.

Today, cage fighting was the biggest-selling event on pay-per-view TV.  The fighter wins by knocking out or putting the opponent in a submission hold by which the opponent gives up, or “taps”, or by decision.  The sport embraces several different fighting techniques which usually involves punching and kicking, the clinch, and grappling.

More women are starting to train for this sport.   A trainer said that one out of 100 women that come in to train, will have “what it takes.”  There is hitting , choking, biting, broken bones, black eyes, and internal injuries as well.

Yuk!   Yuk!  I can think of a lot of other hobbies that would work.  Start with basket weaving.  Lol!!

Many times we find wives using fighting techniques like a cage fighter.

The following is a list of brutality that should never be used in your marriage.

  1. Isolation.  Do you isolate your spouse from their family?
  1. Intimidation.   Do you intimidate through looks, actions, and gestures?  Do you destroy your spouses’ personal property or give them a look like wait till you get home?
  1. Name calling.  This is a prime feature of emotional abuse.
  1. Threats. Do you direct threats to your spouse, your spouses’ family and friends, or threats to harm yourselves to get your way?
  1. Economic abuse.  Do you control family finances and keep your spouse on a weekly allowance while you have financial freedom?  Do you withhold family bank accounts from your spouse?
  1. Minimize violations.  Do you minimize the harmful violations that you are feeling guilty about?  Do you tell your spouse that what you did or said was “No big deal?”
  1. Blaming your spouse.   Do you tell your spouse that they provoked you to behave the way you did?
  1. Using the children.  Do you use your children to send intimidating messages to your spouse?

(Some of the above items from the list were taken out of a book called “Surviving Divorce” by Pamela Weintraub & Terry Hillman)

The behaviors above are found in abusive relationships that very often end in divorce.

If anywhere in the above list you find yourself, there is so much help that can be applied to your life.

The Holy Spirit (your guide, your teacher, your comforter, etc.) desires to help rebuild your marriage and it only takes you to call on Him.

If you feel convicted right now about your behavior, don’t condemn yourself.

In 1Peter, we have the answer.

1Pet.5:8-10  “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:  Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.  But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you.”

The word “sober” in the Greek means TO WATCH.

The word “vigilant’ in the Greek means TO KEEP AWAKE.

You are not a CAGE FIGHTER!!!


Don’t you let him tell you that you will never change.

We can all change!

You were not setup for failure.  You are an OVERCOMER!!

Get out or the CAGE!!

Give God a chance!!   I did!!!

Now I have power to tread on roaring lions!!

God PROMISES us in his word to strengthen us!

Note:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.


30 Mar

Sometimes us wives just fall asleep on the job.

We forget how IMPORTANT our position is in the life of our spouse.

Judges 5:12  “Awake, awake, Deborah: awake, awake, utter a song…”

Who is Deborah?

Right now I would like to tell you that if I had to tell you what woman I think is the greatest woman who ever lived, I would have to say Golda Meir.  She was the Prime Minister of Israel.  She was in office when the Six Day War happened in 1967.  The Arabs were always a major threat to the Jews during her duration in office.  The Arabs were going to wipe out all the Jews in Israel but God used her to get the weapons at the last minute so they could defend themselves.  SHE WAS TRULY A WOMAN OF VALOR.

Golda Meir has a remarkable life story!


In Judges 5:12, why were they singing this song to Deborah to wake up?

Who is she?   Is she that important?

Judges 4:4-5 “…And Deborah a prophetess…dwelt under the palm tree…” Deborah was a prophetess who was resting and minding her own business.  She was well known because people would go to her to hear a word from the Lord.

She sent for a commander of the army, Barak, and gave him a message from God.  That message was to get ten thousand men, go after the captain of Jabin’s army, and God would deliver him into Baraks hands.

In verse 8, his response to her was that he would go do it if she went with him and the army.  If she would not go, then he would not do what God wanted him to do.

Deborah told Barak that she would go with him to war, but because she had to go, God was going to let a woman kill Sisera.  Deborah went with the army but it is not recorded that she fought with the men.    In Judges 4:21, a woman named Jael killed the captain of Jabin’s army just like Deborah said the Lord told her.

Why did I mention this story?

It isn’t every day that we hear about a woman being used in such a DANGEROUS POSITION.

Also, God made it a point to have it placed in the Holy Scriptures so that everyone would know about it.

Obviously, God could have used anyone, but he chose to use these two women.


2Cor.10:4  “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.”

God has placed at our disposal SPIRITUAL ARTILLARY.

The word “warfare” is taken from the word stratos. The word stratos is where we derive the word strategy.

Spiritual warfare is STRATEGICALLY PLANNED.

Fight like a soldier!

We are to partner along side our husbands and go to war, with God leading the battle.

2Cor.6:1 “We then, as workers together with him…”

In the Greek, it describes workers who are “connected” and “joined” to each other in the pursuit of a shared goal.

You and your husband are not working alone, you are fellow workers with God.

You are not working by yourself for God.

God is with us, working on the same task, at the same time and he is cooperating with us as a PARTNER.

This is exactly why the verse says,  “…workers together with him…”

Barak went to Deborah because she was a professional and not an amateur.

He knew that she was a woman of valor and would stick with him through the battle.

God went before them and gave them VICTORY!!

God is trying to put professionalism in our lives.

In wartime, a THEATER is a region in which active military operations are in progress.  It is the BATTLEFIELDS!



NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post!  Daily there is a new post.


29 Mar

Everyone LOVES payday!

Especially, if there is a shoe sale going on somewhere within a 20 mile radius.  Well, for the girlfriends anyway!

Many women get that same “rush” on payback day.

What is payback day?  That is the day when you get to act like a “junkyard dog!”

Has your husband ever done something that got you so FURIOUS?

You have decided that when you are through with him, he will never mess with you again.

You start to contemplate EVIL.

The apostle Paul has a word from God for all us “out of control” wives.

1Pet. 3:9  “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”

In this verse, Paul is talking to married people with DESTRUCTIVE actions in progress.

The Greek words actually mean “Stop it!  Don’t do it anymore!  You should never do this!”

The word “evil” projects the ideas of INSULT, INJURY, HURT, and DAMAGE.

This would be a spouse that considers herself mishandled, violated, defiled, or humiliated.

I’m not going to tell you that no marriage is PERFECT!

But, NO marriage is perfect!

Luke 17:1 “Then said He unto his disciples, it is impossible that offenses will come…”

This is our warning that we, definitely will be offended by our spouses at some time or another.

God is trying to give us INSIGHT here.

He knows that satan will use bait as an opportunity to draw us into a pit of unforgiveness.

So how am I suppose to act when I am violated??

1Pet.3:8  “Finally, be ye all of ONE MIND, having COMPASSION one of another, LOVE as brethren, be PITIFUL, be COURTEOUS.”

This is a list of FIVE ATTITUDES desirable in Christian marriages.

First, spouses should be united in a common outlook and with common interests.

Second, spouses should have compassion, which basically means “suffering together.”

Third, spouses should love each other as brothers in the family of God.

Fourth, spouses should be tenderhearted or affectionately sensitive.

Fifth, spouses should be courteous or humble-minded.

A right word from you can TURN YOUR WHOLE MARRIAGE AROUND.

Do you really want to attack and tear down your spouse?

If you let the Holy Spirit have His way in your life, you will speak BLESSINGS over your spouse.

Your words will become the very FORCE that will turn your marriage around.

DON’T, DON’T, DON’T ever participate in PAYBACK DAY!



NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post!!    Daily there is a new post!


15 Mar

Do you want some PEACE?  Do you want to be UNDERSTOOD?

Take a few moments to read this post today

This will change your marriage and your life!!

I have to first tell you what I believe to be one of the best, if not the BEST  BOOK ON MARRIAGE.  “Love & Respect”  by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

This is a must for every marriage.  I recommend for each spouse to have their own copy and to write in it what God is showing you.

I will try and share some of the comments that are in his book with you.

CASE AND POINT:  This book changed by marriage and gave me the confidence that I could be the wife that I wanted to be and that God wanted me to be.  It is still my decision to apply the principles and Gods word to my marriage.  What I loved best, was the knowledge that I could turn my marriage around just by doing my part.  I don’t need a perfect husband, I just need to be obedient to Gods word!


There is one scripture that will change everything, Ephesians 5:33.

Eph.5:33 “…let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she respect her husband.”


This is God’s MARRIAGE TREATISE and you need to mark it in your bible.

Every month I speak at the Los Angeles County Women’s Jail in Lynwood.  Any woman getting arrested in L.A. County goes to this jail.  Every month I tell the women this verse and tell them how they can turn their marriage around just on their own by respecting their husband.  I also have purchased this book and the chaplain gives them to any wife that asks for it.

For every 100 inmates, there are 200 children that will end up in a divorced home.  The statistics show that 50% of inmates have spouses that divorce them while in jail.  The other 50% who don’t end up divorced, a year after they get released, 75% of them end up in divorce.  So these children are first struggling with a parent being in jail, then they have to cope with living with just one parent or no parents.  After that, then coping with a divorce.  Just one of those issues is traumatic, but they are expected to deal with all three.


This is why I go to the jail, and this is the burden that God has laid on my heart.  PLEASE PRAY FOR THESE KIDS!!!

The journey to a satisfying marriage is NEVER OVER, so submit yourself wholeheartedly to Gods design for marriage.

There is no limit to the extent that you can IMPROVE your marriage.

Remember your husband was made to be respected and he expects to be respected.

When respect does not occur, he reacts WITHOUT  LOVE.

This is the CRAZY CYCLE.

Paul is saying in Ephesians 5:33 that wives need love and husbands need respect.

A wife is called to love even an unloving husband but it makes it especially hard to respect him.

The “Crazy Cycle” is described in Eccles.7:25 “…the evil of folly and the foolishness of madness.”

Be careful wives, because expressing dislike to your husband concerning something, can be interpreted as DISRESPECT.

God made us to be a link and he gifted us and entrusted us to do a good job.

YOU GO GIRL!!    We can do all things through Christ!!

NOTE:  Tomorrow we will continue on with this secret to a better marriage.


10 Mar

WIN!!   WIN!!


There are seven things that God hates and arguments are one of them.

Prov.6:16-19  “These things the LORD hates…he that sows discord among brethren.”


All married couples say that it is necessary to argue some of the time.

What does God say?  No!!  Phil.2:14 “Do all things without murmurings and DISPUTING:”


In the Greek, the word “disputing” means DEBATE, DISCUSSION, REASONING, or THOUGHT.

In Phillipians we are told not to complain, debate, or try to reason if it is going to cause arguments with our spouse

Results never turn out good when we argue.  Job.6:25 “How forcible are right words!  What does your ARGUING PROVE?”

If our spouse makes us angry, how should we answer them?   Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but GRIEVOUS words stirs up anger.”


The word grievous in the Hebrew means PAINFUL.

When we get mad, we start saying all kinds of painful things to our spouse.  We don’t mean to, but we start saying whatever the devil tells us to.

What starts arguments?????????????

Mark 7:21 Jesus said: “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder, thefts, covetousness,  wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy (cursing), pride, foolishness:  All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”


Arguing starts in our hearts.

There is power in agreement!


CASE AND POINT:  I remember about a year ago hearing an interview with Joel and Victoria Osteen.  Victoria said how Joel had bought the kids a BB gun.  One day he went out to their back yard to shoot the gun off with the kids.  She got mad and told him that one of the kids will get hurt.  He told her no they won’t and that everything will be fine.  As he shut the back door, she stood there in her anger.  She said that at that very moment, God spoke to her.  He said that she spoke negative remarks and opened doors for the devil to do what she said.  Instead, God told her that she should have been in agreement with her husband and believe blessings over her children and husband.

We are commanded to quit arguing and to LOVE ONE ANOTHER in Galatians!

Gal.5:14-15 “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this;  Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.”

What in the world are we doing biting and devouring each other?

What are you doing biting and devouring YOUR SPOUSE!!

The word “consume” means to DESTROY COMPLETELY.

If you destroy completely, there is nothing left.

If there is nothing left, it ends in DIVORCE.

A divorce is a FUNERAL that NEVER ENDS!

You need to have a win-win ATTITUDE!

That means you have to care about your spouse and want them to succeed and also want to succeed yourself.

Wanting your spouse to succeed leaves you with a GOOD FEELING about yourself.

You are not the pit bull next door.    You are his GIRLFRIEND!!

WIN!!   WIN!!!




NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrow!  There is a new post daily.


9 Mar



My husband just married a couple this weekend.  I always love to see the grooms face when he sees his bride walking down the aisle.

My father had left our family about 5 years before I got married.  I remember waiting at the back of the church for him to walk me down the aisle.  I was his only daughter, but he never showed up.  One of my little brothers, who was shorter than me, walked me down the aisle because my older brother was in training to leave for the Vietnam war.

Did I care that my dad didn’t come?  No!?!  I was about to marry the greatest man I had ever met.  I was “IN LOVE”!!

Almost all brides and grooms are “IN LOVE”, when they get married.

One of the main questions wives ask me is, “What can I do to love my husband again?”   This is a question that wives ask me all over the world when I give marriage seminars.

It is a scientific fact that there is such a thing as “body chemistry.”  The sad truth is that it is also a scientific fact that it only lasts about 18 months to 2 years.

Thank God he has given us answers in His word on how to handle this.

Gal.5:6”…but faith which works by love.” KJV

The message bible says, “What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.


In Beth Moore’s book , she states that if you put Gal.5:6 along side with 2Cor. 5:7 “…we walk by faith…“ this is what you get:

We LIVE by faith,  We LOVE by faith.


We have heard that love is not a FEELING, but have we learned it???     LET’S LEARN IT!!!!!!


LOVE is a LIFESTYLE!!     Eph.5:2”And walk in love…”


This verse tells us to “live love”.

We are to love SACRIFICIALLY !!

CASE AND POINT:  Just like we get up every morning and squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube,  we don’t  just stare at the tube hoping the paste will come out.  I know it sounds ridiculous but lets face it,  we put more work into our face in the morning than we do into our marriage all day.

God so desires to HELP us SQUEEZE His love into our lives.

God will always put people in our lives that for us, are HARD to LOVE.

If you don’t find yourself at sometime feeling the squeeze to “walk in love”, WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE HARD TO LOVE, then you might be living a self-centered life.

As you step out in faith to love the HARD TO LOVE people in your life, Gods Holy Spirit intervenes and does the impossible.  Are you showing love to your spouse, but aren’t seeing any FRUIT from your labor.  DO YOU GIVE UP???

Keep going and showing love because you are living out the scripture, “…faith which worketh by love…”.


Those verses would not be in the bible if it was just easy to love everyone all the time.   It’s impossible for us to do that.

But “…with God all things are possible…”


You should love your husband even if:

*  You don’t feel like it,

*  He doesn’t deserve it,

*  You get nothing in return.

*  Etc.

God calls all spouses to sacrifice our SELFISHNESS!!

AGAPE , which is the Greek word for love, is when you chose to love as an act of the will.

1Cor.13:8 says that “…love never fails…”

We should love out of OBEDIENCE.

This doesn’t mean that you will get the results you want.

The word “fail“ portrays not having any effect.

When you love YOUR SPOUSE sacrificially, EL ROI, the God who sees me, sees everything.   Yes!!!!   He sees everything!!!

When we love our spouse SACRIFICIALLY in Jesus’ name for His honor and glory, WE CANNOT FAIL.

Are you going to believe Gods word by faith or are you going to obey your emotions?

Love by faith wives, not just by feelings.

Why is loving your spouse so painful and fruitless at times?  Because you are trying to fill up your gas tank with a  little gas can.

Rom.5:5 “…the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts  by the Holy Ghost which is given to us.”

This verse is saying that He will fill your tank up with His love if you daily make a commitment of your will to Him.


1Cor.13:13  “…the greatest …is love.


She loves me,  she loves me not,  SHE LOVES ME !!!!!!!!




NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post!    Every day is a new post.


7 Mar

Well, do we get DOUBLE FOR our TROUBLE?

Lets see what Gods word says?   Keep in mind that God is always looking for ways to bless His children just like we do with our children.

Isa.61:7  “For your shame ye shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.”


In Hebrew, the word “shame”  also means CONFUSION as well.

In Hebrew, the word “double” is pronounced mishneh and means a copy.  It also refers to move up in RANK or QUALITY: TWICE AS MUCH.

There are so many things that thrill me about this verse and what it refers to in Hebrew.  Because we are not God, it would be ridiculous for us to try to draw a conclusion as to what the word double is referring to.

When you decide to let your spouse go first, you get DOUBLE!

When you decide to let your spouse win the fight, you get double!

When you decide to do something nice for him, even if he doesn’t deserve  it, you get DOUBLE!

When you decide to visit your in-laws with him, you get double!

When you decide to let something go that you feel should be addressed, you get DOUBLE!

When your spouse asks you to do something that he could do himself, but  you decide to do it anyway without an attitude, you get double!

When your spouse makes a decision but you let it go even though you feel  anxious about it, you get DOUBLE!

I can go all day on situations, because my list is endless.

When you agree to go through anything in your lifetime, God has agreed to rain blessings into your life.

Zech.9:12   “…today I will restore double to you.”

In Psalms 102, we see how trouble affects our human parts.


vs.1  “…let my cry come unto thee.”



vs.2  “Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble:  incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call    answer me speedily.”


vs.3 “…my bones are burned as an hearth.”



vs.4  “My heart is smitten, and withered like grass;”



vs.4  “…I forget to eat my bread.”



When your marriage is in turmoil, it is very easy to feel so many different physical ailments.

In the book of Nahum,  it shows that when you reach out to God in the times of trouble, he comforts you with goodness.

Nahum 1:7  “The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him”

1.  The Lord is good.

2.  A stronghold in the day of trouble.

3.  He knows them that trust in him.

GOD DOES NOT FORGET US!!!!  He wants to help us with our marriage.

God promises us, DOUBLE FOR OUR TROUBLE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows blog!  Everyday is a new post.

SATURDAY Q & A 3/5/11

5 Mar

NOTE: Read this. Society is changing so one out of two children will at some point in their lives, live in a step-family. So, DON’T IGNORE THIS BLOG!!

QUESTION #1 How do you deal with your children when they have been affected through your remarriage? How do you deal with the hurt and anger the children now have towards their step-father?

ANSWER #1 These are some powerfully loaded questions. I would need to ask you many questions like, how many kids do you and him have, what are their ages, how long did you wait after the other spouse was gone, to get remarried, etc.

First I want to recommend videos that I have not seen yet, but I have heard their cds. It is about active parenting in stepfamilies. The authors are Michael Popkin and Elizabeth Einstein. Look up their website for their materials. MOST comments that I will be making are from their seminar at Smart Marriages 2007.

1. It is essential for both step-parents to be united regarding parental approach. Repeat, the marriage must be united in order for the children to be successful.

2. What makes step-parenting different

A). Too close. Too soon syndrome.

After the death of a parent or a divorce, parents don t want to do the hard work of grieving or help their children through their trauma. They would rather remarry. Notice that there is nowhere in the bible where remarriage is discussed.

B). Parents bring their same old self and same old baggage into the next marriage.

3. Denial is another issue.

Denying the kids their need to grieve. Kids need both biological parents in their lives. Having an absentee parent is a very devastating thing to a child. They frequently take that out on the step-parent. Your X-spouse is your childs parent and they must be integrated into the system.

4. Denying intense feelings. Anger, jealousy, hurt, fear are all there. Kids have to take these feelings out on somebody, so they pick their step-parent. Structure takes from 4-7 years if they have had help with inner- healing. The sad fact is that most divorcees remarry within 3-5 years. That means that the children have not recovered and their healing process is not finished. There is whole extended system of extra people. For the children, each step parent has a family forest the children are immediately thrown into. They didn t grow up with these families nor did they chose them. But now they have to turn their delicate emotions around and please everyone instantly. This is difficult for an adult, how much more a child. Help them or they will be angry, bitter and not accept discipline from anyone. They need to know they have two loving parents in both homes and responsibilities in both homes. There is no biological connection from a step-parent, so they will not accept discipline early on.

5. Main challenges.

1. Discipline

2. Money

Lack of parenting skills can kill a marriage. Successful families learn from their problems but all families have problems. Problems give the parents an opportunity to teach problem-solving skills.

6. Understand instant love is a myth. You may never love your step parent or step child so go for relationship. Acceptance, trust and respect are what a relationship needs. The love may never come but acceptance, trust and respect you MUST HAVE.

There is a lot of help out there for step families. Please, please take advantage of it. DON T do it on your own. Those kids need the help!!!