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#6 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

25 Apr

#6 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

 

Give your spouse credit for their resolution ideas

 

 In order to get your spouse to think your way, you need their COOPERATION.

You might never see a good idea from your spouse that isn’t yours.

To be effective, you need to understand that you never LOSE credit when you share the glory with your spouse.

When you highlight the contribution of your spouse, they will increase their self-confidence and it will raise their spirit—which will improve future performance.

In Matt.10:10 Jesus said, “…the worker is worthy of his support.”

 

A spouse NEVER loses out by giving credit and recognition where it is due.

By giving your spouse credit for their ideas, you are demonstrating that together, you have both effectively built a strong team.

Psa.133:1 “…how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”

Eccles.4:9 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.”  There are four reasons why two are better than one:

  1. Because they have more reward for their labor. (v.9)
  2. One can lift the other one up if he falls. (4:10)
  3. Both can keep warm. (4:11)
  4. They can prevail against another. (4:12)

 

This is an excellent and worthy ACCOMPLISHMENT.

By arguing and yelling out names, you quench the Holy Spirit, along with all that the two of you are trying to build for Gods kingdom.

Always explain to your spouse CALMLY that you both are on the same team and that you want to do your part to make the both of you look good.

You would make your spouse feel really important if you tell them that you also want them involved in any future issues that may come up.

Complaining will yield NO FRUIT, and will probably only antagonize your spouse.

Try to resolve issues; then learn to live with the situation.

 If you fail to reach an understanding or an agreement with your spouse after attempting to work out the situation, seek the Lord’s GUIDANCE and extend grace to your spouse. 

Live with the situation!

Don’t develop a negative attitude because it will DAMAGE your credibility and eat you alive. 

Let go of resentment!

Remember the saying: Differences create the challenges in life that open the door to discovery.

In the book, “The seven habits of highly effective teens” by Sean Covey, he defines a word called SYNERGIZE.  Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create a better solution than either could alone.

It’s not your way but a better way, a higher way.

GETTING  TO  SYNERGY  ACTION  PLAN

 

1.  Define the problem or opportunity

2.  Their way  (Seek  first to understand the ideas of others.)

3.  My way (Seek to be understood by sharing your ideas)

4.  Brainstorm (Create new options and ideas.)

5.  High way  (Find the best solution)

Do you try and ram your OPINIONS down your spouses’ throat?

How does that make you feel after?

Isn’t it wiser to get IDEAS from your spouse since not everyone thinks like you?

In fact, no one else thinks like you!!!

Our brain is so intricate that there are trillions of ways to process information.

If you only respect your idea, you are living in denial.

It has been recorded, that Walt Disney never gave anyone on staff credit for their work.  He would tell them that it was better for people to recognize the Disney name then to give everyone credit.  It brought a lot of division in his employees.  He got credit for everything they did.  At different intervals, he would loose his best cartoonist and other very valuable employees.  Walt Disney did not care.  He only cared about the Disney name getting the credit.

Let’s avoid making our spouse feel like less of a person just like these Disney employees. 

TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post which is a continuation of our series, “How to get your spouse to think your way.”  Daily there is a new post.

#2 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

19 Apr

#2 – HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected

 

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?” 

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?


NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  We are on our series on “How to get your spouse to think your way.”


HOW TO GET YOUR SPOUSE TO THINK YOUR WAY

18 Apr

 

Number 1:

To Win the Argument, Avoid It.

Nine times out of ten, arguments end with each person more convinced they are right.

Why make your spouse feel uncomfortable?

Why put your spouse in an embarrassing situation?

If you are not asked for your opinion, they don’t want it, so why argue?

Shouldn’t you let your spouse save face?

If you prove your spouse wrong, is that going to make them like you?

THINK, how much better could it be if you are not argumentative?

Do your know how to get the best of an argument?  AVOID IT!!

Arguments can be avoided.  God hates arguments!!!  Prov. 6:17-19 “…these six things doth the LORD hate:  yea, seven are an abomination unto him…an heart that deviseth (thinks) wicked imaginations…and he that soweth discord (stirs up trouble and anger) among brethren.”

 

An important thing to keep in mind is that your spouse probably has ”goodwill” about what they are saying.

Would you rather have a victory or your spouses’ “goodwill?”  You seldom can have both of them.

‘Goodwill’ is the friendly hope that something (or someone) will succeed.

The truth of the matter is that your spouse probably truly wants to help you succeed.

Don’t, DON’T, Don’t let the devil lie to you.

CASE AND POINT:  When my daughter was in her early teens she asked me to take her to a Christian rock festival.  It was an all day affair.  I don’t like rock music and I was dreading it.  Every other day my husband would mention it and start laughing at me.  I was furious but I didn’t want him to know he was getting to me.  Finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore.  I told him in private to “knock it off.”  He was shocked when I told him how mad I was at him constantly laughing and making me mad.  He told me that I was so wrong in my conclusion.  He told me he knows how I can’t stand the hard rock, yet I am totally willing to make our daughter happy.  His words made me feel so good, that I almost wanted to go after he said that.  I went and I believe the “Newsboys” or some group like that was there cause there was an array of groups.  It was an excellent sound with choreography and I had a great time.

This kind of incident happens occasionally but I have decided to believe my spouses’ intentions are with “goodwill.”‘

DON’T GIVE THE DEVIL THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!   GIVE YOUR SPOUSE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!!!

Let me say it again:  Give your SPOUSE the benefit of the doubt!!!!

DO NOT GIVE THE GOODWILL TO THE DEVIL.!!

Prov.29:20 “Seesth thou a man that is hasty in his words?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.”

Here are some suggestions for how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument.  This is from Bits and Pieces, published by The Economic Press.

Welcome the disagreement.

If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention.  Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake.

Distrust your first instinctive impression.

Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive.  Be careful.  Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction.  It may be you at your worst, not your best.

 

Control your temper.

Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

Listen first.

Give your spouse a chance to talk.  Let them finish.  Do not resist, defend or debate.  This only raises barriers.  Try to build bridges of understanding.  Don’t build higher barriers of misunderstanding.

Look for areas of agreement.

When you have heard your spouse out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree.

Be honest.

Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.  Apologize for your mistakes.  It will help disarm your spouse and reduce defensiveness.

Promise to think over your spouses’ ideas and study them carefully.

And mean it.  Your spouse may be right.  It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your spouse can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.”

Thank your spouse sincerely for their interest.

Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.  Think of your spouse as someone who really wants to help you, and remember that you want to remain friendly to each other.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear.

Job 6:25 “How forcible are right words!  But what doth your arguing reprove (prove)?


NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post which is a continuation of this series “How to get your spouse to think your way.”

IT’S SHOWTIME!

30 Mar

Sometimes us wives just fall asleep on the job.

We forget how IMPORTANT our position is in the life of our spouse.

Judges 5:12  “Awake, awake, Deborah: awake, awake, utter a song…”

Who is Deborah?

Right now I would like to tell you that if I had to tell you what woman I think is the greatest woman who ever lived, I would have to say Golda Meir.  She was the Prime Minister of Israel.  She was in office when the Six Day War happened in 1967.  The Arabs were always a major threat to the Jews during her duration in office.  The Arabs were going to wipe out all the Jews in Israel but God used her to get the weapons at the last minute so they could defend themselves.  SHE WAS TRULY A WOMAN OF VALOR.

Golda Meir has a remarkable life story!

SO DO YOU!!!!

In Judges 5:12, why were they singing this song to Deborah to wake up?

Who is she?   Is she that important?

Judges 4:4-5 “…And Deborah a prophetess…dwelt under the palm tree…” Deborah was a prophetess who was resting and minding her own business.  She was well known because people would go to her to hear a word from the Lord.

She sent for a commander of the army, Barak, and gave him a message from God.  That message was to get ten thousand men, go after the captain of Jabin’s army, and God would deliver him into Baraks hands.

In verse 8, his response to her was that he would go do it if she went with him and the army.  If she would not go, then he would not do what God wanted him to do.

Deborah told Barak that she would go with him to war, but because she had to go, God was going to let a woman kill Sisera.  Deborah went with the army but it is not recorded that she fought with the men.    In Judges 4:21, a woman named Jael killed the captain of Jabin’s army just like Deborah said the Lord told her.

Why did I mention this story?

It isn’t every day that we hear about a woman being used in such a DANGEROUS POSITION.

Also, God made it a point to have it placed in the Holy Scriptures so that everyone would know about it.

Obviously, God could have used anyone, but he chose to use these two women.

This was SPIRITUAL WARFARE!!

2Cor.10:4  “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.”

God has placed at our disposal SPIRITUAL ARTILLARY.

The word “warfare” is taken from the word stratos. The word stratos is where we derive the word strategy.

Spiritual warfare is STRATEGICALLY PLANNED.

Fight like a soldier!

We are to partner along side our husbands and go to war, with God leading the battle.

2Cor.6:1 “We then, as workers together with him…”

In the Greek, it describes workers who are “connected” and “joined” to each other in the pursuit of a shared goal.

You and your husband are not working alone, you are fellow workers with God.

You are not working by yourself for God.

God is with us, working on the same task, at the same time and he is cooperating with us as a PARTNER.

This is exactly why the verse says,  “…workers together with him…”

Barak went to Deborah because she was a professional and not an amateur.

He knew that she was a woman of valor and would stick with him through the battle.

God went before them and gave them VICTORY!!

God is trying to put professionalism in our lives.

In wartime, a THEATER is a region in which active military operations are in progress.  It is the BATTLEFIELDS!

AWAKE!  AWAKE!  AWAKE!

IT’S SHOWTIME !!!!


NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post!  Daily there is a new post.

A CARD HE’LL KEEP FOREVER!

18 Mar

 

A CARD HE’LL KEEP FOREVER

 

Prov.25:11  “The right word at the right time is like golden apples in silver jewelry.”  (NIRV)

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs suggests in his book “Love & Respect”, that we send our husbands a RESPECT CARD.

He states that through his research, men seldom keep cards from their wives that say she loves him and has hearts with Xs, and Os.

He said not to sign it, “I Love You”, because your husband knows that you love him.  He says to sign it “With All My Respect.”

He claims that your husband will keep that card FOREVER.

Why?  Because you are now speaking his language, RESPECT, and for him, that is very powerful.

I will go over the six concepts that will let him know how important and vital he is to you.  Ask yourself these questions then use your answers to express your appreciation to him.  Make it personal.

  1. CONQUEST – Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
  2. HIERARCHY – Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
  3. AUTHORITY – Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
  4. INSIGHT – Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
  5. RELATIONSHIP – Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
  6. SEXUALITY – Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.

Prov.12:4  “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown”  (NIV)

I remember helping a female relative through some tough times in her life.  It didn’t cost me a thing, I just encouraged her, called her on occasion, and let her know I was available for her and her family.  Years later, I saw her at a family function where she told me she had always wanted to send me a letter of thanks.  Obviously, I told her that was not necessary.  Years after that she sent me a letter.  She was very specific in how she felt.  I remember the words stating that I was like a sister to her at her time of need and that she will never forget it.  I don’t have a sister, so that letter meant quite a bit to me.  I have kept the card and letter.

You may have already decided that you are not going to participate in this assignment.

Maybe you feel, well I’m not going to do something that isn’t coming from my heart just cause everyone else will do it.

Sad to say, but your husband probably already realizes that you try harder to impress strangers than you try to impress him, the man who is suppose to be the most important person in your life.

Prov.31:11-12 “The heart of her husband doth safely TRUST in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.  She will do him GOOD and not evil ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.”

Your husband only has YOU!!!  HE ONLY HAS HIS WIFE.

No one else has the privilege to send him a RESPECT CARD, only you.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post!!  Saturday Questions & Answers

WIN!! WIN!!

10 Mar

WIN!!   WIN!!

 

There are seven things that God hates and arguments are one of them.

Prov.6:16-19  “These things the LORD hates…he that sows discord among brethren.”

 

All married couples say that it is necessary to argue some of the time.

What does God say?  No!!  Phil.2:14 “Do all things without murmurings and DISPUTING:”

 

In the Greek, the word “disputing” means DEBATE, DISCUSSION, REASONING, or THOUGHT.

In Phillipians we are told not to complain, debate, or try to reason if it is going to cause arguments with our spouse

Results never turn out good when we argue.  Job.6:25 “How forcible are right words!  What does your ARGUING PROVE?”

If our spouse makes us angry, how should we answer them?   Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but GRIEVOUS words stirs up anger.”

 

The word grievous in the Hebrew means PAINFUL.

When we get mad, we start saying all kinds of painful things to our spouse.  We don’t mean to, but we start saying whatever the devil tells us to.

What starts arguments?????????????

Mark 7:21 Jesus said: “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murder, thefts, covetousness,  wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy (cursing), pride, foolishness:  All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

 

Arguing starts in our hearts.

There is power in agreement!

 

CASE AND POINT:  I remember about a year ago hearing an interview with Joel and Victoria Osteen.  Victoria said how Joel had bought the kids a BB gun.  One day he went out to their back yard to shoot the gun off with the kids.  She got mad and told him that one of the kids will get hurt.  He told her no they won’t and that everything will be fine.  As he shut the back door, she stood there in her anger.  She said that at that very moment, God spoke to her.  He said that she spoke negative remarks and opened doors for the devil to do what she said.  Instead, God told her that she should have been in agreement with her husband and believe blessings over her children and husband.

We are commanded to quit arguing and to LOVE ONE ANOTHER in Galatians!

Gal.5:14-15 “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this;  Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.  But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.”

What in the world are we doing biting and devouring each other?

What are you doing biting and devouring YOUR SPOUSE!!

The word “consume” means to DESTROY COMPLETELY.

If you destroy completely, there is nothing left.

If there is nothing left, it ends in DIVORCE.

A divorce is a FUNERAL that NEVER ENDS!

You need to have a win-win ATTITUDE!

That means you have to care about your spouse and want them to succeed and also want to succeed yourself.

Wanting your spouse to succeed leaves you with a GOOD FEELING about yourself.

You are not the pit bull next door.    You are his GIRLFRIEND!!

WIN!!   WIN!!!

 

 

 

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrow!  There is a new post daily.


YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued/Final)

25 Feb


                                                     YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued /Final)

In the past two days, we have covered two of the top needs in your husband’s life.  Respect and to be needed.

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, he tells us what these top three are.

The third is to be FULFILLED.

1.  For your husband, sexual fulfillment fills a powerful emotional need!

Your husband needs sex and he needs for you to enjoy it.

1Cor.7:4-5 “The wife hath not power of (over) her own body, but the husband (does): and likewise also the husband hath not power of (over) his own body, but the wife (does).  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again (continue to have sexual intercourse), that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

According to surveys taken from Shaunti Feldhahn in her book “For women only” when men were asked how important it was for them to feel sexually desired and wanted by their wife, 66% said very important. Also, 31% said somewhat important and the other 3% were in the irrelevant and not very important category.

Wow!  97% of husbands NEEDED THEIR WIVES TO DESIRE THEM SEXUALLY!

Don’t ignore that number!

Your husband may not tell you but he could be burdened with secret feeling of inadequacy

The same way you would feel if your husband stopped speaking to you, is as emotionally serious to him.

74% of men said that they could not be sexually satisfied if their wives were reluctant or just accommodating to their sexual needs.

Sex makes your man feel loved and gives him the strength to face the world with confidence.

A fulfilling sex life creates great benefits in your husbands life..

This verse plainly explains that it is FRAUD if one or the other refrains from sex without the others permission.

I have worked with many wives who have refused sex all together.

What I tell them is the next time they refuse their husband sex, she needs to go on a FOOD FAST the next day.  Then I ask her what she thinks she will be thinking about all day and how will her stomach feel.

This may seem unfair, but this is exactly how HE FEELS.

He didn’t marry you because he couldn’t wait for you to hang those ugly flowered curtains on your kitchen windows.

He didn’t marry you for your great cooking cause his mothers cooking was better.

He married you because he thought he was going to have GREAT SEX with his bride the rest of his life.

Dr. Laura says that what every husband wants is his wives naked body slapped against his.

Did you marry him under FALSE PRETENCES?

Let the food burn girls.

2.  He also needs to know that he is your number one priority.

Once you get married, your husband ends up last.  Kids, housecleaning, work, neighbors, hobbies, cooking and everything else comes first.

Your husband needs to be fulfilled by you emotionally and physically.  You were hand-picked to do this and equipped for it.

RESPECT, TO BE NEEDED AND FULFILLMENT

The three basic needs are to be respected, to be needed, and to be fulfilled.

Once again, the exciting part is that wives are EQUIPPED to do all three.

Want a great marriage that will last a lifetime?  Put these three basic needs to practice starting TODAY!

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

A special thanks to Jackie Melendez for sharing this great book with me.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  It’s Saturday Q&A (Question & Answer)