3 Apr


People usually marry because they find each other irresistible—they FALL IN LOVE.

Willard F Harley, Jr. in his book “His needs, Her needs” provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse.

From the information he has accumulated through his research, we will get right to the heart of what makes marriages work—THE FEELING OF LOVE.

In marriage, we must learn to meet each others emotional needs.

The first thing he can’t do without—SEXUAL FULFILLMENT

When a man chooses a wife, he makes this commitment because he trusts her to be as sexually interested in him as he is in her.

Unfortunately, the man finds that putting his trust in this woman has turned into one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

Some husbands tough it out, but many cannot and find SEX ELSEWHERE.

More than half of all married couples go through the agony of unfaithfulness and affairs.

The unfaithful man justifies his behavior by dwelling on the fact that the wife failed to keep her SEXUAL COMMITMENT to him.

Meeting each other’s needs:

a.) Many men lack skill in lovemaking because they fail to understand a woman’s need for affection as part of the sexual process.  When a man learns to be affectionate, his lovemaking will become very different.  The man interested only in satisfying his hunger for sex molest his wife more than anything else, because his technique is insensitive to her feelings.

b.) Many women don’t know how to enjoy meeting a husband’s compelling need for sex.  To satisfy her husband sexually, a wife must also feel satisfied.  Wives should try to make their bodies available to their husbands on a more regular basis but also learn to enjoy the sexual relationship as much as their husband does.

The second thing he can’t do without—RECREATIONAL COMPANIONSHIP

It is not uncommon for single women to join men in pursuing their interests.

After marriage, many wives encourage their husbands to continue their recreational activities WITHOUT THEM.

This is a dangerous choice because men place great importance on recreational activities.  Her interest in his favorite activities helps make enough Love Bank deposits to seal the marriage deal.

There is a risk of your SPOUSE falling in love with whoever turns out to be their recreational companion if they are of the opposite sex.

Engage in only those recreational activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together.

The third thing he can’t do without is a Good-Looking Wife—PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS

A man has a need for an attractive wife and he feels good whenever he looks at his attractive wife.

When this need is not met the husband feels FRUSTRATED.  They appreciate a good-looking wife.

Any woman can enhance her attractiveness to her husband.

Here are FIVE major areas to becoming attractive:

  1. Weight control programs
  2. The use of makeup
  3. A hairstyle he likes
  4. The right clothes
  5. Personal hygiene

Attractiveness is what you do with what you have.

The fourth thing he can’t do without is peace and quiet—DOMESTIC SUPPORT.

A man’s fantasy is that his home life is free of stress and worry.

Not many men would marry a woman who would refuse to manage housework or childcare.

The fifth thing he can’t do without is for you to be proud of him—ADMIRATION

When a woman tells a man she thinks he’s wonderful, that inspires him to achieve more.

He sees himself as CAPABLE of handling new responsibilities and perfecting his skills.

A man thrives on a woman’s admiration.

Instead of making massive Love Bank deposits with admiration, spouses make massive withdrawals with CRITICISM.

Jesus Christ taught us, in Luke 6:31  “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

The sixth thing he can’t do without is YOU!!!

YESSS!!!!!  He married you to fulfill all of the above.

Did he make a mistake?????   You didn’t deceive him did you?????

During your courtship, you must have given him the idea that you had what it took to be his GIRLFRIEND, CHEERLEADER, FRIENDLY FRIEND AND LOVER  for a lifetime!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.


  1. oluwatosin April 3, 2014 at 4:49 am #

    True,ur spouse wants an attractive wife,but nancy as a Christian woman,I feel unattractive with grey hair at 33..I see it as an obstacle for me to look attractive..but thks for all the writeups on love ur spouse,it has really been helpful in my home

    • nancysalazar April 3, 2014 at 3:48 pm #

      Hi Oluwatosin! Thanks so much for your honest comment. I have so much to say to you but I will condense it. What you think and feel about your grey hair are your thoughts only and others look at you differently than you do yourself. My husband was completely grey be the time he was 30, just like his mom. That meant nothing to at all to me. I loved him for everything about him including the grey. Your husband didn’t marry you for the color of your hair. Don’t focus on that as to where your beauty lies. No one likes their hair. That is why we color it, braid it, curl it, etc. In one of my posts I have a story about a pastor who went to Russia and was having lunch with a pastor at his church. There was this one woman who was serving and the visiting pastor noticed her. She looked very old and tired. She had creases in her face and tired eyes. The visitor asked the other pastor who the lady was. He very proudly told the pastor that it was his wife and they had about a dozen children. He told Him how he was imprisoned for about 30 years in Russia for preaching the gospel. She had to raise their children all by herself. She worked to support them and continued to pray and believe for his release. He told the visiting pastor, proudly, that his wife was an angel sent from God. He could not stop praising the goodness s of the wife he had been married to. Our husbands don’t care what color our hair is. We are not in high school any more. We need to do the best with what we have. Much more importantly, we need to meet the needs of others. This glorifies God and brings Him glory! In turn, He let’s his glory shine through us.

  2. oluwatosin April 4, 2014 at 1:36 am #

    Thks ma’am,God bless!..dis shd work then..*smiling*

    • nancysalazar April 6, 2014 at 6:47 pm #

      Hi Oluwatosin! Sorry for the typo’s in my last reply. I was doing it in a half dark room. lol!!!

  3. NHManchesterUK April 4, 2014 at 3:13 am #

    Thanks for sharing insights from Harley’s book. It’s a goldmine for couples and I pray your article will encourage more people to rediscover it

    • nancysalazar April 6, 2014 at 6:44 pm #

      Hi New Harvest Manchester! Thanks for your encouraging comment. Cannot wait to see you guys in a few weeks. Love you all!!

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