LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.

My parents lost custody of me when I was a young child.  I am now married with two children but find myself neglecting my husband to spend time with my kids.  We both work and when I get home, I am so busy with dinner, and household chores.  I neglect to spend quality time with my husband.  Lately we have been arguing constantly and I know it’s because he doesn’t feel that we get enough time together.  I feel my childhood plays a big role in our life because I want my children to have more than I did growing up.  I fail to realize that I have a husband that requires so much of me as well.  My question is, how do I balance everything out and be able to spend that quality time we both want as well as not feeling guilty about not spending so much quality time with my children?

Answer #1.  

There are many different ways of handling this.  The best would be for you to be honest with your observation to your husband.  Let him know you know he has been neglected.  This will touch his heart more than anything to know that God has shown this to you and that you are prepared to rectify it.  You can’t go backwards, but you can promise him it will never happen again.  He can be a part of the solution and help you solve it.

I will make some suggestions that you might be able to implement into your lifestyle.  Try to have a date night at least twice a month.  The more children you have, the more date nights you need.  Don’t take the kids with you on these date nights.  In order not to feel guilty, have a great family night with the kids the day before.

Do not cook every night.  Have a pizza night so you don’t have to cook and clean up.  Cook something that will last two nights.  If you are a perfectionist at housework, don’t be.  Let some things go.

The best thing that you can do for your kids is to give them their dad.  If he leaves the family because of neglect, your children will grow up miserable.  Set your priorities.

Arguing takes two and also takes pride.  Humble yourself.  Listen to your husbands concerns.  It is the only way you can feel fulfilled as a helpmeet.

I have to listen to wives every day who wish they could do it all over again.  They are left with children who are fatherless and regrets.  You are blessed to be able to turn the whole situation around.  Don’t wait till it is too late.

Now is the time!

A STRONG MARRIAGE NEEDS KNOWLEDGE

Every Sunday morning, thousands of preachers present polished gems—sermons filled with outstanding biblical knowledge.  But what do we usually do?  After the message, we dutifully sing a song, listen to a prayer, and hustle out by noon.

Where do we take the time to assimilate what we’ve heard?  Too often we gather up the kids, grab a bite to eat, and launch into our Sunday afternoon routine.

Even Balaam, a non-Israelite prophet who apparently really did hear from God, understood the importance of acquiring “the words of God, and…the knowledge of the Most High” (Num.24:16).  Such knowledge is more than mere information—it’s a knowledge that results in convictions and applications.  It’s a truly teachable spirit that applies God’s truth and blueprints amidst the raw realities of life.

Many of us need accountability in order to apply what we’ve learned.  We need someone who will break through our self-built fences and our crowded loneliness and ask us if we are applying to our marriages what we’ve learned from God’s Word in our marriage and family relationships.  Do you have a friend who regularly checks up on you?

Balaam, by the way, didn’t  have such an accountability partner– and he wound up on the sharp side of a Hebrew sword (see Josh.13:22).  Learn from his mistake!

NOTE:  This was an article from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

HUSBAND GAINS UNATTRACTIVE WEIGHT

This question was taken from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question:

What can a woman do when her husband gains an unattractive amount of weight?

Answer:  

An important ingredient of any marriage is the need for husbands and wives to please each other.  Obviously, no husband can lose weight overnight; but if he is seeking to please his wife, then he can make an effort to look sharp and attractive.

Pray that the Lord would grant you opportunities to express how you feel in a gentle and supportive way.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help.  Ask God to help you avoid bitterness toward your husband.  Don’t become preoccupied with the negative, but give him some grace, and love him.

Remember as well that while weight does matter, other issues are more important than external appearance.  Ask God to help you focus on the things that matter most–your husband’s spiritual maturity and his leadership of the family and the marriage, character, faithfulness at work and at home.

If the relationship is healthy  and he is meeting your needs and encouraging you and loving you, and you are focusing on what is most important, I think the old statement, “Love is blind,” is true.  Weight issues don’t  have to get in the way.

MARITAL RELATIONSHIP RULE #1

Do you find that many times when your spouse says something to you, you lose control, and say something out of line?

Instead of listening to your spouse’s point of view, you let your anger speak out of resentment, only to REGRET every word later on.

God knows that these occasions will happen from time to time.

He has the ANSWER in His word.

“…let each one of you (husbands) also must love his own wife as himself, and so the wife must respect her husband.”

This verse is the summary statement of the greatest treatise on marriage in the New Testament.

One of the greatest books on marriage is “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich.  This book is a must for every marriage.

Without LOVE,  the wife reacts without RESPECT.

Without RESPECT, the husband reacts without LOVE.

In Emerson’s book he calls this the “Crazy Cycle”.

The wife tells herself that she is not going to treat her husband  with respect till he shows her love by doing what she wants.

Then, the husband tells HIMSELF that he is not going to love her by doing what she wants till she starts treating him with respect.

They go around and around and around with neither one pleasing their spouse.

It may sound silly, but it is not FUNNY at all.

It happens in every marriage and it is a marriage killer.

Pride sets in and now every one  is stuck on “STUPID!”

Does that sound familiar?????  Of course it does.

It only takes one partner to get off the “Crazy Cycle” and the cycle stops.

My husband does not like to argue.

However, there are times that we do argue about ISSUES.

I make it a point every day to be the one to get off the “Crazy Cycle.”

If I feel the conversation is starting to get out of control and neither one of us is listening anymore, we are both talking, I choose to stop.

If you love God and care about your marriage, GET OFF THE CRAZY CYCLE..

You have a choice and you cannot blame anyone else for the chaos in your marriage.

My CHOICE is to respect my husband even if he is not showing love by doing what I ask.

Every day I get off the “crazy cycle.”

What about you??

STAYING  STUPID??!?!?

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHY GOD HATES DIVORCE

God’s word says that He hates divorce.

“For the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence…”  Mal.2:16

Divorce breaks the sacred vows and commitment between two people and God.

Two people are madly in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together.

They purchase new furniture for their place and make it comfortable.

Then a few years later they hate each other and want to destroy each other.

They start ruining their furniture and breaking kitchenware along with any equipment.

What happened?

In verse 16 we see the answer to that question.

A spirit of violence enters into the union of marriage.

I have seen this happen over and over again.

Divorce is a funeral that never ends.

Divorce births a spirit of violence.

You can’t believe it is the same couple that was so in love.

Nothing justifies violence towards your spouse.

In Mal.2:11  a marriage is referred to as a “Holy Institution”.

Remember, anything “Holy” means that it is “set apart.”

Anything “set apart” will be attacked by the enemy.

The enemy does not want the kingdom of God expanded or blessed.

Marriage is referred to as an “divine” establishment.

In verse 15 we see why the enemy doesn’t want our marriages united.

But why?

“But did He not make them one?  Having a remnant of the Spirit?  And why one?  He seeks Godly offspring.  Therefore take heed to your spirit…”

That is the answer.

Why did God create marriage?  BINGO!!

He wants godly offspring!

God desires that we have children, raise them godly, and multiply the world.

When we divorce, we destroy each other, our children and our loved ones.

Malachi 2:15 says to take heed to your spirit.

In other wards, pay attention to your “stinking attitude.”

Maybe you don’t care about your marriage but God does.

He has an investment in it.

Start protecting God’s investment today.

He said to be fruitful and multiply.

“TAKE HEED…”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

THE HOLY SPIRIT IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Do you ever call on the power of the Holy Spirit to be in the center of your marriage.

Married couples forget to call on this help for their marriage.

Every day we encounter problems at our workplace, raising our children, finances and an array of problems.

Most of us have attended a marriage seminar or read an article and told ourselves that we will now work towards the perfect marriage.

The next thing we know, we find ourselves in a debate that ended without a win-win result.

Don’t condemn yourself because all is not hopeless.

Learning marriage principles is great but we need the power of the Holy Spirit if we want a long-term change.

In Malachi 2, it says that marriage is God’s “Holy Institute.”

Anything “Holy” is a target for the enemy.

CASE AND POINT:  One day I was studying on my bed.  My husband was exercising in our garage and was coming up the steps.  As he was coming up the steps, I turned my head and in a flash I saw a demon crouched down in my bedroom ready to attack my husband.  Now I don’t believe Christians can be demon possessed and my husband is a very Godly man.  Good marriages are his major target.  I shared this story in my marriage class.  I thought all the women would walk out and think I was crazy.  After my class was over, one wife came up to me with tears in her eyes.  This may sound funny but she told me that she was so glad to hear that.  She said she feels like her marriage is always being attacked and felt she was the only one.  To hear that a demon had the nerve to come into my bedroom made her feel she was not alone battling for a good marriage.

On our own we cannot consistently pursue a great marriage.

2Cor.13:14 “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all.”

You need the communion of the Holy Spirit in your marriage.

Jesus was giving his disciples a new leader:

John 14:26 “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.”

John 16:13 “When He , the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.”

The minute you accept Christ as your savior, the Holy Spirit comes into your life.

God loves the Holy Spirit so much that he chastised the children of Israel for their disobedience.

“But they rebelled and grieved His Holy Spirit; so He turned Himself against them as an enemy.” (Isa.63:10)

David knew that the secret of his greatness was not him but the power of the Holy Spirit.

“Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take your Holy Spirit from me.”  (Psa.52:11)

Let your natural reactions be replaced by the leading of the Holy Spirit.

“For if you live according to the flesh you will die…”  (Rom.8:13-14)

The Holy Spirit produces fellowship with God and an affective relationship with our spouses.

This is how the Holy Spirit impacts your marriage:

• He empowers you to fight sin (Gal.5:15-16)
• Helps to produce fruit of the spirit in you (Gal.5:22-23)
• Daily directs your life (Rom.8:14)
• Assist your marriage to glorify Jesus (John 16:14)
• Convicts you of sin (John 16:18)
• Gives power to be Christ-like (Eph.3:16)

Ask the Holy Spirit right now to help your marriage succeed.

The Holy Spirit will teach you not to quench His Spirit.

He will teach you how to keep your marriage fresh and vibrant!

You have tried everything else, Give Him a try!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

INCREASE ROMANCE AND INTIMACY

A TV talk show host was interviewing one of Hollywood’s biggest male stars, a man known for his prowess with the opposite sex.

At one point, the host asked him, “What makes a great lover?”

“Two things,” the actor replied.  “First of all, it is a man who can satisfy one woman over a lifetime.

And second, it is a man who can be satisfied with one woman for a lifetime.”

What a great answer!

The foundation of a strong, romantic marriage is a solid commitment of unconditional love.

Romance is an outward expression of that love.

It is the fire in the fireplace—the warm response of one spouse to another that says, “We may have struggles, but I love you, and everything is okay.  Now, let’s have some fun!”

The easiest way to increase the amount of true romance in your marriage is to build a lasting marriage of oneness and intimacy.

And how do you accomplish that?

You and your mate must commit to meet each other’s physical and emotional needs.

Do that, and you’ll start to make romance an everyday part of your marriage.

NOTE:  This article in the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  How can a young couple best handle the inevitable challenges of the first five years of marriage?

Answer #1.  Some of the more common areas of conflict most couples face early on include: finances, in-laws, spiritual growth together, the roles of husband and wife, where to attend church, and conflict resolution.  Consider a few pointers that will go a long way toward helping you and your spouse handle these challenges:

1.  During your first years of marriage, I’d strongly recommend that you ask a more mature couple to mentor you.

Habits are formed early in marriage, so why not ask someone who’s a bit further down the road to train both of you.

2.  When  you married, you began a life-long commitment to love and forgiveness.  

Remain committed.  Love always.  Remember,  “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1Pet.4:8).

3.  Your marriage won’t grow without communication and understanding.  

You’ll know you understand your spouse when you can verbally express your mate’s actual needs and desires, and he or she agrees with that expression.  Guys, seek to understand your wives.   Ladies, help him to understand you.

4.  Walk a mile in your mate’s shoes.  

Accept God’s provision, knowing that He has an agenda for your life even through unmet expectations.

5.  Don’t give up on your dreams.  

While all the things you imagined your marriage to be may not come true, God may have a new dream for you.  talk about your dreams.  Then dream together.

NOTE:  This article is from the “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME!

 Marriage is for grown ups.

Every time you get mad, you are in a NARCISSISTIC moment.

What we want becomes sacred; what the other person wants becomes silent.

When it comes to YOUR achievements and talents, do you exaggerate them or downplay them?

Narcissism is an exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself.

Narcissism says, “I don’t care what is going on with you, it is all about me.”

Do you think that kind of an attitude will work in marriage?

How is it WORKING in your marriage??

Don’t turn the volume down when it comes to listening as your husband expresses his concerns.

When voices go up, the ABILITY to intake goes down.

Do you feel indignant (wronged) when your spouse’s behavior doesn’t comply with your expectations?  (frequently or rarely)

The single best measure of being emotionally healthy and being a grownup is the capacity for bilateral (2-sided) listening.

There are two speakers and they both count.

A person is narcissistic when all they HEAR is their own thoughts and interpretations of the concerns.

When it comes to your spouse, do you catch yourself fishing for compliments?  How about from other people?

CASE AND POINT:  When a tennis player is on the tennis court playing, they make mistakes all the time.  When they have missed a shot, they only have 25 seconds to get their emotions back into control before the next serve comes their way.  Many of them have therapists who teach them how to get their emotions focused for the next ball and off the anger of messing up that last ball.  They ask themselves what they can do to be more affective on their next play.

If an unsaved tennis player can be taught restraint by their therapist, why can’t a Christian do that in their own marriage.

You have God’s word to give you the knowledge, and the Holy Spirit to give you the guidance.

Deut.30:19 “I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life that both you and your descendants may life…”

What you do and how you act, affects your children and their children and your children’s children……etc.

Marriage isn’t a game, but why can’t you stop and ask the Holy Spirit to make you more affective on your next play?

Do you always have to have it YOUR way?

Can you pass the test of being a child of God or will you pass the test of being narcissistic?

The CHOICE is yours.

You can change today!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

REESTABLISHING MARITAL TRUST

God is into restoring our marriages if we give him the reins.

It is the responsibility of both spouses to REBUILD the marriage relationship.

There are many examples of biblical restoration of relationships.

One is the restoration of God back to his adulterous children of Israel.  (Joel 2:25)

Jer.30:17 “For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,” says the Lord…”

Other relationships restored were:  Paul and John Mark (Acts 15:36), Jacob and Esau (Gen.27:4), Prodigal Son and father (Luke 5:11-32).

*  Don’t react to feelings.

Don’t be preoccupied with YOUR feelings.

You will have the fear of being hurt that will try to overpower you.

Try to  avoid the following:

• Trying to control your spouse.
• Giving them the silent treatment.
• Withdrawing from intimacy.
• Seeking revenge.
• Acting like a martyr.

*  Allow time for healing.

It will take time to LEARN each others needs, feelings and expectations.

This process takes patience.

WAITING on God to do the work shows your trust in him.

*  Home Environment.

Maintain a STABLE home environment.

Practice humility even when your emotions are telling you that you deserve to express revenge.

Maintain an atmosphere of “love” in the home.

Strive everyday to build a SAFE emotional environment.

Make your sexual relationship a priority.

*  Don’t be on the defensive.

Beware of self-righteousness.

There NEEDS to be openness and listening.

Keep in mind that you are his companion, so find occasions to have fun.

Are your expectations REASONABLE?

Are you doing anything that is causing your spouse to escape his commitments?

This is a good time for self-examination on how you can become the person your spouse and family need you to be.

Ask the Holy Spirit for GUIDANCE.

Partner with the Holy Spirit to make your marriage a success.

You will reap the REWARDS of a grateful spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.