LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

BELIEVE THE TRUTH

Some women experience a power outage in marriage because they believe the wrong things.  Fairy-tale wishes, celebrity fantasies, magazine psychologists, book authorities, videos, and talk show hosts offer advice on adding sizzle to your marriage.  Some of it is good; much of it is not.  A lot of it is simply untrue.

What lies do women believe about romance?

Lie #1.  I desire Prince Charming and a happily-ever-after life.

Lie #2.  Love is a feeling.  No feelings = no love.

Lie #3  Romance should be easy, like falling off a log.

Lie #4  It’s his fault that I feel this way.  If only he’d talk more; if only he’d lose weight; if only he were more romantic.

Lie #5  Romance is his responsibility, not mine.

Lies, lies and more lies!

Turn off the lies and learn to think as did the relieved mother found in 1Kings 17:24, who told E;ijah, “I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.”

What lies do you believe?  And how do they influence your thinking about your husband’s need for your romance and affirmation and blessing of his sexuality?  Knowing the truth allows you to affirm and act on the truth to meet your husband’s needs.

NOTE:  This article is from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY Q & A 

Question #1.  What simple thing can we do to make sure neither of us strays?

Answer #1.  Here are seven exhortations to affair-proof your marriage.

1.  Make your marriage bed your priority.  Exhaustion is the great zapper of passion.  Make your sexual relationship a priority in your married life.

2.  Talk about what pleases one another.  Describe what would truly please you, and encourage him/her to do the same.

3.  Fan the flames of romance.  Find out what setting sparks or even ignites your love for your mate.

4.  Have fun with one another, but not at each other’s expense.  Grins, giggles, and laughter ought to occasionally drift out of our bedrooms.

5.  Add the element of surprise to your marriage bed.  If the sexual area of your marriage has been a struggle, then ask permission before cooking up something that you think is wonderful that your spouse might not appreciate (Rom.15:1-7).

6.  Be patient with your mate.  Married love demands that we continually grow and learn about one another (see 1Thess.5:14,15)

7.  Beware of bitterness.  Bitterness quenches the fires of romance.  Keep short accounts and ask forgiveness when you fail or if you have become bitter (Eph.4:26-27).

NOTE:  This article came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHY DID I EVER MARRY HIM?

When Problems come into a marriage, the first thing that happens is that we get attacked in our mind. The evil one tells us that we are better off divorced. Then the BIG QUESTION comes. Why did I marry my spouse?

The Answer is clear in Gods word.

Mal. 2:15 “But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let not deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.”

The word “seek” in Hebrew is baqash.  The primitive root word is to search.  It implies begging.  This is killing me as I am typing it.  God is begging us to raise our kids Godly?

God makes man and woman one so they will marry and raise godly children.

Sad to say, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the children are thrown into a traumatic situation.

In the book “Helping children survive divorce” by Dr. Archibald D. Hart, it states that children of divorced Christian parents are at greater risk than others.

They feel like why didn’t God make my mom and dad love each other?  The child could easily become disillusioned with Christianity.

This is a list of a few losses that children face:

1. Loss of home.

2. Loss of my neighborhood friends.

3. Loss of convenient transportation.

4. Dramatic reduction in our standard of living.

5. Loss of family outings together.

Divorce makes enemies of those who once declared undying love for one another. It does damage to children.

Here are some of the reasons why divorce is emotionally damaging to children:

1. Fear and anxiety

2. Abandonment and rejection

3. Aloneness and sadness

4. Frustration and anger

5. Rejection and resentment, and

6. Reestablishment of trust

Before we think it is all about us and forget if we divorce, our child will be another statistic.  So turn to Gods word for counsel.

Eph. 5:33 “Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

In the book called “Love and Respect”, the author calls this the crazy cycle. That is because neither partner will do their part till the other one does. Then they just go around and around on the “crazy cycle”.

It only takes one person to do their part and get off the “crazy cycle”.

You married him to show him love and respect in front of your children and the children of others.

You are to be a living epistle to your children and raise them godly.

OH!   Yes!!   ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

COMPANIONS FOREVER

It is said that if you ask a woman to describe what she wants in a husband, she will describe her best friend.

Well I’m glad my husband wasn’t looking for a wife that was like his best friend cause a “Tarzan” I am not.

Malichi 2:14b “”…She is your companion and your wife by covenant…”

The dictionary shows the pan in the middle of the word companion. Pan is the word for bread. Bread is a comfort food. The dictionary has the definition for companion as one who accompanies another.

The Hebrew root word for companion implies intimate partner; accomplice.

THIS EXCITES ME!!!

I’ll tell you why. It is because God made something in husbands that will make them want to be with their wife. And vice versa. He made something in wives that makes them want to be around their hubbies.

YeeHaa! Is that the way you spell it? I don’t know!?! In Los Angeles they say, “What it is”. I think?

I have heard wives tell me for over 40 years, “I don’t know what my husband wants?”

Okay, listen up girls. I’ll tell you!

He wants his GIRLFRIEND back! The one he married. He wants his FRIENDLY FRIEND. He wants his CHEERLEADER!

Has anyone seen her??? Well he hasn’t either for a long time. POOR GUY!

You know that game “‘Where in the world is Waldo? Well where in the world is ____________________.

Maybe she is watching the Food Network Channel. No? Maybe she is texting her entourage instead of paying attention to her husband. No? Maybe she is Shopping. No? Maybe she is busy with the children. No?

Right now I have your attention. You are saying all sorts like:

“I work hard and I am tired when I get home.”

“How do I know what he wants to do? He doesn’t even talk to me.”

“I have kids and they have needs. What am I suppose to do?”

“He has his own hobbies and friends and could care less what I do!”

“I’ll be honest, he is just boring. I do my thing and he does his.”

“I tried. He doesn’t want to be with me.”

“I have other things that are more inspiring than to spend time with him.”

“He is fine just the way he is. Don’t rock the boat.”

“Oh! All of the above.”

Ok girls, I’ll mind my own business (MYOB). I have an assignment for you wives that are any of the above. It’s easy. All you need is a black marker. Are you ready? This is easy!! Start marking out of your bible all the verses that call you a companion or a helpmeet. Don’t forget Proverbs 31. The virtuous woman whose husband is known in the gates, his heart safely trusts in her, he has no lack of gain, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life, and he praises her because of all her thoughtfulness. Don’t forget Song of Solomon, etc.

Now for the wives that don’t have a black marker in their hand. Ask him what he wants to do. Sit and watch football with him. Go see those movies where everything blows up. Go visit your in-laws with him. Go to a game with him. Learn about his hobby or sport. Go sit with him in the garage while he exercises. Seem interested and ask him questions about what he likes. Smile at him. Give him gifts (small and not expensive). Go for a walk with him. Tell him you love him. Listen to him. Listen to him. Listen to him.

Read this once: If you don’t find a babysitter for your children, your husband will find a babysitter for him.

Where in the world did his GIRLFRIEND go? God expects you to be his CHEERLEADER, his FRIENDLY FRIEND!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FIRST DATE: WHAT TO WEAR

Girls were made for BLING, BLING and more BLING. Statistics show that women keep the economy going and going and…

All through Gods word, He talks about garments.  Even in the temple He was very articulate about how the priests presented themselves.

In this next verse for today,  we see something that is somewhat shocking.

Malachi 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence.”  Says the LORD of hosts.  “Therefore take heed to your spirit…”

(In Hebrew the word “violence” is pronounced chamac. It makes reference to someone who is damaged with falsehood, who is unjust and who is an oppressor.)

Wow!  Try wearing the garment of violence on a “first date” !!

No!  Not you.  You put your best foot forward.  But how about now?  Do you still put your best foot forward or do you threaten your spouse with the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

That word carries a cloak with it.  It’s a spirit of violence.

Psa.141:3 “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

     There is something within the nature of a woman who needs to be burdened and complaining about something or someone.

Prov.13:3 “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, , But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.”

     An unguarded mouth leads to a ruined marriage.

God’s word says, “…take heed…” The word shamar in Hebrew means to build a hedge of thorns around, to protect, to guard and to watch.

God is warning us to take care of our mind, our life, and our anger. (ruwach)

Our LORD does not want us to be covered with deceit, offend our loved ones and His precious Holy Spirit.

You can do that!!!  We have a helper, the Holy Spirit.  Yessss!!!  Thank you Jesus.

Build your spouses life by imparting encouraging, loving words.

Rev.16:15 “Behold…Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame.”

You are the one he loves and you still drive him wild.  Put on your red dress, Baby!!

Ken Blount told us a joke on Sunday and I will share it with you now.

JOKE:  A husband went to his wife and asked her what she wanted for her birthday.  She was so excited and began to give him all the details of what it should look like.  She said that it should have chrome and be very shiny and beautiful.  Also, it should be able to go from zero to 200 in seconds.  She couldn’t  wait for her birthday to see what kind of  new car her husband had picked out for her.  On her birthday he entered her bedroom and handed her a bathroom scale. !?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

DIVORCE = HIGH PRICE TAG

In the United States, approximately two and a half million people with more than one million children struggled through a heart wrenching divorce this last year.

God HATES divorce, and we will research the wisdom of Gods word and find out why.

Malachi 2:16a “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce…” (In Hebrew, the pronunciation is sane. This word was used to describe how God felt about His enemy or foe.)

As a child I was obsessed with Monopoly the money game because I loved to win.

The day my dad left home when I was thirteen, life was never the same for our family ever again.

Divorce wasn’t a game for us because there were no WINNERS.

Here is a list from professionals on advice of what to do when considering a divorce.

Keep in mind that this is before the other spouse even knows what is about to happen to them.

Also, this is not godly counsel.  Notice how it is all about MONEY.

1. Consult and hire a lawyer.

2. Know your spouses income.

3. Assess what you can earn.

4. Learn about family’s financial holdings.

5. Assess your family’s debt.

6. Make photocopies of all family financial records.

7. Take stock of your family’s valuables.

8. Learn how much it costs to run a household.

9. Determine where you will live.

10. Start saving money.

11. Build up your own credit.

12. Withdraw your money from the bank.

13. Consider canceling charge cards.

14. Take property that belongs to you and safeguard it.

15. Don’t make any unnecessary major purchases.

This one particular book on surviving divorce had another 361 pages concerning financial problems after the spouse knows about the intentions of divorce.

The end of the verse in Malachi 2:16 says, “…For it covers ones garments with violence.”

If I saw my spouse running around opening and closing bank accounts, secretly making photocopies, opening and closing credit cards, stocking up family valuables, and googling for divorce lawyers, I’d be “hot under the collar” to say the least.

Unfortunately, the violence continues many times through their life where children are involved.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage successful.

GOD HATES DIVORCE

If you are not  hot or cold, then you are mediocre.

Mediocre is lacking in exceptional quality or ability.

Mediocrity in a person of second-rate ability or value.

If we are talking about weather, mediocrity is sublime.  Los Angeles, California is the place to be.  You are within an hour from sunny beaches, and within an hour to snowy mountains.  But we are not talking about weather!!!!

We are talking about your MARRIAGE.

You must not be lukewarm about your marriage or Gods judgment will spew you out of his mouth as he said in Rev.3:15-16 to the church in Laodicea.

vs.15-16 “…I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to  SPIT  you out of my mouth…you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.”

Christ severely warns the church of judgment against lukewarmness.  He is a God of excellence and desires us to be passionate about our marriage.

Are we sure that he is also talking about our marriages?

YES!!   Because in Mal.2:11 He calls marriage His …”holy institute”…. We don’t ever mess with anything that is holy because it means that it is sacred.  Set apart.

A mediocre marriage leads to divorce and God “hates divorce”  Mal.2:16.

It’s a funeral that never ends!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

A DIVINE PARTNERSHIP

Do you want to be a terrific spouse?  If so, God wants to partner with you—and a big part of that partnership is praying for your mate.

Effective prayer is asking God to do what He already wants to do in your mate’s life.  God delights in answering such prayer, because He wants you both to know Him, to see Him work, and to continue to come to Him.

What would you like to see happen in your relationship?  The Scriptures tell us, “You do not have because you do not ask” (James 4:2).  “But I’m nobody!” you say.  James would answer, “Elijah was a man with a nature like ours: (5:17), and yet his prayers made a drought last for three years (1Kings 17:1).  Go to God repeatedly with your needs and requests, expecting Him to act for your benefit!

One of my habits when I pray over my lunch (whether she’s with me or not) is to also pray for Barbara.  I regularly pray that she will experience God as she goes through the remaining part of her day and that she will grow in faith.  On other occasions, such as before I leave for work, I’ll take her by the hand and bring her and one of her burdens to God in prayer.

Come before God’s throne on your mate’s behalf, requesting a deeper knowledge of God’s love.  Pray for an increased desire to obey and follow Christ.  Ask God to give your mate a growing awareness of the benefits of walking with Him and that faithfulness, contentment, patience, self-control, discipline, and other godly virtues will continue to grow,

Pray for your mate.  They need prayer.  And you and I need the practice.

NOTE:  This article came from “Family life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

SATURDAY Q & A 

Question #1.  What steps can we take to build a foundation for a successful marriage?

Answer #1.  Here are  our top five secrets for having a successful marriage:

#1.  Settle the issue of ownership.  Who is going to be Lord of your life and family?  What we give to God is minor compared to  what God has given us.  He has established us exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we could ask or think.  He owns it all!

#2.  Secure your commitment to one another.  Marriage is ultimately a relationship that is established with a promise, your marriage covenant.  Affirm your vows by doing what you promised.

#3.  Pray with your spouse everyday.  I received this secret shortly after Barbara and I were first married.  It has been the cement of our marriage!  The spiritual discipline of praying together has forced us to resolve our conflicts before we go to bed.

#4.  Maintain a teachable heart that seeks and grants forgiveness.  All communication  is the result of trust.  If you’re entertaining bitterness, anger, or unforgiveness in your heart, you can’t communicate on an intimate level.

#5.  Follow a biblical blueprint for marriage.  One reason our conferences help so many couples, whether they’re engaged or have been married for years, is that both the man and woman leave having heard the same set of biblical principles—blueprints that allow God to build that marriage and family.

NOTE:  this article came from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

A “FACE-TO-FACE” MARRIAGE

Do you get so caught up with the issues of the day that you don’t even have time for your husband?

You need to make “turning towards” your spouse a priority.

In order to keep your romance alive, let your spouse know that you value him.

 Not once a year, but try to make it a point everyday.

Even if it is as small as thanking him for helping you with something you asked him to do.

Even if you are shopping, it is a time that romance can grow because you are doing it together.

The point is that you are doing something together and “face-to-face.”

Think of words of encouragement to tell your spouse.

If you know your spouse is having a bad day, leave him a loving voicemail.

If there is a place he likes to go, make the suggestion that you go after work together for a date.

What ever you choose to do together, you are making a choice to “turn towards” each other rather than turn away.

Remember, that you are your spouses “companion.”

Mal.2:14  “…she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

This is something that wives forget to do which is to “have fun” with their spouse.

It is sad to see in a marriage, when one partner is always trying to get the attention of their spouse just to get affection, support, or humor.

When their spouse does not “turn towards” them, then they usually turn away from the one they were trying to get attention from.

I heard once that it is better to find a babysitter for your spouse, than your spouse find a sitter for himself.

Wake up, girls!!

Turn face-to-face with your spouse!

You both need romance, and emotional connection in your marriage.

Do you read together?

Are you silent or do you talk over meals?

God made Eve for Adam in order to have someone for him to be emotionally engaged with.

Face-to-face involvement is necessary in order to stay together and in order to avoid departure of one of the spouses.

The difference in the outcome of your marriage is your “emotional bank account.”

It is like putting money in the bank every time you take the initiative to “turn towards” each other.

You need a build up in your “emotional savings” so when conflict or stress hits your marriage, you will make allowances for a negative action from your spouse.

The key to a long-lasting romance is to “turn toward” each other in little ways every day.

Face-to-face!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.