LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

WHAT HUSBANDS SEE, WITHOUT SAYING (Pt.2) 

The following information is a continuation from the book “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Shaunti has researched and done surveys to assist her on accurate information.

Temptation Steps

STEP #1.  For every man, sensual images and thoughts arrive involuntarily.

Woman feel all the trouble starts because “men have roving eyes.”

The truth is that there are roving, under-dressed women—and men can’t not notice their existence.

STEP #2.  Every man’s involuntary physical impulse is to enjoy the feelings associated with these thoughts and images.

When a sensual image enters a man’s mind, it brings a rush of sensual pleasure.

One man interviewed said that forcing him to end that thought is sometimes as difficult as it would be to stop in the middle of sex.

STEP #3.  But every man can make a choice—to dwell on the images and thoughts, or to dismiss them.

This choice is the critical distinction between temptation and sin.

He can tear down the thought immediately and “take every thought captive.”

Reassurances

REASSURANCE #1.  His temptation is not always primarily sexual.

It is pleasurable to look at that good-looking woman, like looking at a beautiful painting.

REASSURANCE #2.  Every man is different.

Every man experiences a different level of visual temptation.

REASSURANCE #3.  It’s not because of you.

“If men could, most would shut off their temptation to look at other women in a second.  We loathe this temptation as much as our wives do.”

REASSURANCE #4.  This doesn’t impact his feelings for you!

With his wife, he has a deep and long meaning relationship.

Most men would make an observation about a beautiful woman but would be offset by the fact that they would never risk losing their wife.

As I read what Shaunti Feldhahn’s surveys discovered, it really gave me compassion for men because of the burden of their temptations.

It is like telling women never to be emotional, when most women are highly emotional compared to a man.

In God’s word, we can see where Jesus has left help for men in their temptations.

Gal.5:16  “This I say then, Walk in the (Holy) Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

The Apostle Paul also talks about his temptations and the resolution.

1Cor.9:27  “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection:  lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHAT HUSBANDS SEE, WITHOUT SAYING (PT.1) 

I have talked to many wives and unfortunately there are many who get a wrong attitude after marriage.

Wives mention that it is all right for them to let their looks, weight, and manner of dress deteriorate.

Many wives, especially Christian wives feel that they are just fine the way they look.

Many Christian wives say, “Any way if my husband loves God, he needs to be content with me as I am.”

Or “Let him take his concerns to God.”

Or “Anyway, beauty is only skin deep.”

Or “God hates vanity.”

Or “If I am overweight, I’m suppose to worship God and not my body.”

Or “God looks on the inside, and so should my husband.  Not the outside.”

It all sounds good girls, but it is not going to work.  Listen up!

 I am going to read you some comments from a book called “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Men are visual and we will first talk about two compulsions men have:

COMPULSION #1 – A man can’t not want to look.

A survey was taken asking men what their reaction would be if an attractive women with a great body would walk in the room.

98% of the men said they would be attracted.  Only 2% of men were not attracted by a woman with a great body.

These were happily married believers.

Even when they tried not to look, the power of the desire to look was overwhelming.

COMPULSION #2 – A man has a mental rolodex of sensual images.

They are images that have been involuntarily burned in their brains just by living in today’s culture—images that can arise without warning.

These images can be of anything:  the memory of a Playboy magazine, or a recollection of a shapely woman.

These images often arise in the brain without warning, even if your husband doesn’t want them there.

87% of men say these images pop up in their heads whether they are happily married or not.

As the national survey showed, this temptation is common to every man, even if he is devoted to his wife.

Temptations are not sin.  It is what you do with those temptations that is the issue.

I know as a wife you might be thinking that this information is a lot to stomach.

I have placed this information for wives to realize that your appearance is so very important to your husband.

Your looks are high on the list of why he married you.

You should always be dressed in a modest but attractive manner.

He wants to be proud of his beautiful wife’s good looks.

So put down your little hobbies and freshen up before he comes home or you come home.

You will be pleasing God as well.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

TORN MARRIAGES (Part 2) 

1. Commit yourself to repair it.
2. Stop blaming, criticizing, or arguing.
3. Start Changing.

A.)    Ask the Holy Spirit what areas you need to change to be a Godly wife.

Hebrews 13:5-6 “For God has said, “I will never fail you.  I will never forsake you.”  That is why we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid.”

B.)    Listen to your husband, even if it hurts.

Most of the time they are really begging their wife to change in certain areas.

It is a privilege to find out what is in your husbands heart and mind.

Do you ignore your husband when he is trying to let you know what bothers him?

Remember that he loves you.

Out of all the girls he may have known, you are the one he chose to marry.

He married you to have fun with for the rest of his life.

1Peter 5:6 “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you.”

1Cor.7:4-5 “The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife.  So do not deprive each other of sexual relations.”

1. Treat him with love and respect.

Ephesians 5:33 “…she must respect her husband.”

Statistics show that when husbands are asked what means the most to them in their marriage, they say the need for their wives to respect them.

Husbands say that as much as sex is so important to them, respect is even more important.

John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”  “By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Ephesians 4:29 “Don’t use foul or abusive language.  Let everything you say be good and helpful, so your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”

If you are using abusive language, you need to stop right now.  It is a habit that you CAN control.

This kind of language grieves the Holy Spirit!

1Peter 4:8 “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

A wife is suppose to be a soft pillow for her husband to lay his head on!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TORN MARRIAGES BY LITTLE FOXES (Part 1)

A bandage is a piece of soft material that covers and protects an injured part of the body.

How do we find a bandage big enough and strong enough for an injured heart?

All of us at some time or another have been hurt in our marriage which causes us to wonder if we will ever recover.

It doesn’t even have to be anything very severe, it just had a hurting effect because it was important to you.

Here are some helpful things you can do to protect that injured heart and start the healing process.

1. Commit yourself to repair it.

Spouses many times get so wrapped up on revenge that they don’t stop to think about ending the arguments.

• Partner with the Holy Spirit to save that marriage because God hates divorce.

Mal.2:16 “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD (Yahweh), the God of Israel.  “It is as cruel as putting on a victim’s bloodstained coat,” says the LORD Almighty (El Shadday).  “So guard yourself; always remain loyal…” (NLT)

In the NKJV, it is translated as this:

“…He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence.”

1. Stop blaming, criticizing or arguing.

We have a tendency to not see what we do wrong, but only have eyes to see what our spouse is up to.

Prov.17:14 “Beginning a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

Rom.12:17  “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.  Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”

Prov.12:18 “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”

You don’t have to fall for the devils devices in your marriage.

In the Song of Solomon, God calls them little foxes.

“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!  Song of Solomon 2:15 NLT

Does your spouse have annoying little habits that sneak into your marriage and start pulling it apart?

Every marriage is plagued with the little foxes that try to sabotage your marital intimacy.

The Lord uses His truths as bandages to strengthen our marital relationship.

Allow the Holy Spirit to start the healing process.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GIVE UP, GIVE IN, GIVE ALL

Why did “Michal the daughter of Saul (have) no children to the day of her death” (6:23)?  She remained childless because her selfish agenda prompted her to publicly scorn her husband David, who reacted by shutting her out.  In essence, their marriage died.

Our sin and selfishness focuses us on our own agendas like a sharpshooter locking a target in the crosshairs of his rifle.  Left to ourselves, we will go for what we want every time.  And when two spouses focus only on what they want, all hope for peace vanishes.

Jesus shows us that instead of insisting on being first, we must be willing to be last.  Instead of wanting to be served, we must serve.  Instead of trying to save our lives, we must lose them.  We must love our spouses as much as we love ourselves.  In short, if we want to defeat selfishness, we must give up, give in, and give all.

To experience oneness, you must give up your will for the will of another.  But to do this, you must first give up your will to Christ–only then will you find it possible to give up your will for that of your mate.

NOTE:  This article came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY  Q & A

NOTE:  Although this question is about the wife, it can also be for the husbands.  This question and answer came from the book Family Life and Marriage bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1.  How can I best find out what my wife’s real needs are?

Answer #2.  I have an assignment for you:  Take your wife out on a date or a retreat, where you ask her the following questions:

*  What can I do to help you feel more loved, honored, and cherished?

*  What can I do to illustrate the fact that I respect you, your ideas, and your role as my wife?

*  What can I do to assure you that I hear and understand your heart’s desires?

*  What can I do to ensure that you have confidence and joy in our future direction?

*  What attribute or practice would you like to see me improve or develop?

*  What attribute would you most like to develop in yourself?

*  What would indicate to you my desire to be more like Christ?

*  What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish together?

I got these questions from a friend of mine, Tom Eliff, who poses them to his wife every year.  He takes notes as his wife talks, and then writes out a clear statement of his intentions in response to each of these issues.  Last, he signs a pledge.  I can promise you—his wife feels loved and cared for!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

LOVE REDUCES PAIN 

Does love really make pain go away?

God’s word says it does because love and fear cannot be in the same place.

Many researchers have also proved it scientifically, as well.

CASE AND POINT:  Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles, did research on this.  Her team used an fMRI machine to scan brains of women.  The conclusion, a loved ones presence diminishes pain.  Pain didn’t feel so bad when these women looked at people they loved.  This was also true of men also.  Many other researchers came up with the same conclusions stating that loved ones are a good pain killer.

Love is much more powerful than fear and our brains were made to operate in love.

Caroline Leaf has written an awesome book called, “The Gift Within You” which explains this in detail.

“Love” in the brain shows how God designed us for euphoria, constantly thinking about and longing for our beloved.

He wanted us to love Him first with all out hearts.

Then He designed us to show love to family, friends and strangers.

CASE AND POINT:  My grandmother was killed in downtown Los Angeles in the 70’s right after I became a Christian.  She was hit by a car driver making a right turn without looking at pedestrians stepping off the curb.  Her head hit the curb and she was by herself.  A woman, total stranger, got in the ambulance and stood with my grandmother till a family member showed up.  She told them what happened at the incident and said if the same thing happened to her mother, she had hoped someone would do the same for her.  She felt that if grandma opened her eyes, she wanted her to be by someone who cared.  What an example of LOVE!

Examine all your attitudes to see if they are a love or fear attitude.

Phil.2:5 (LAB)  “You must have the same attitude Christ has…”

Even if you can’t choose the circumstances around you, you can choose to operate in fear or love.

You have the power to choose your thoughts.

Your love needs to go viral!

CASE AND POINT:  Did you see the movie “Outbreak?”  The whole movie involves finding and antidote for a virus they could not cure.  People were dying all over the world as they were looking for the “host” that caused all they deaths.

That is the way our love should be.

Our love should go viral and hit all over the world!

Or are you having trouble just loving the ones in your household?

Is it hard for you to love your spouse?

If so, then how are you going to show love to anyone else?

Are you wired for love!

Today is the day to rewire your brain for love!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

EMOTIONS – GIFT OF CURSE?

Your emotions don’t have to control you.

Have you ever got very upset about something only to find out later that it has already been worked?  DON’T YOU FEEL DUMB and wish you had kept quiet to begin with?

Remember, if your emotions control you, they are controlling your marriage.

You have the ability to analyze your emotions and rewire them.

The love circuit of the brain can balance reason and emotions in your marriage.

2Cor.10:5 “…bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ…”

We can either fix or rewire memories.

Rom.12:2 “…be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that he may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

God calls us daily to use the gift of choice he has given us but DO YOU?

Deut.30:19 “…record this day…I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…”

You can change your brains thoughts and anyone can learn to do that.

Prov.13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

As we self-surrender to God, He then releases the gift inside us.  WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BLESSING!

1Cor.1:19 “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.”

This BIBLICAL principle lines up with a SCIENTIFIC principle.

Phil.4:7 (CEV) “Because you are Christ’s, God will bless you with peace which no one will understand.”

In a book called “The brain that changed itself” by Doidge, his research shows that 87-95% of mental and physical illness today comes from our thought lives.

Over and over again you hear the saying, “You are what you think.”

“From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

In Galatians, the Apostle Paul helps us out by telling us what we should be thinking.

Gal.5:22-23 “ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance:  against such there is no law.”

How to overcome toxic thoughts

Emotions, words, love, dreams, and choices.

1. It is your choice to capture your thoughts.  Evaluate your thoughts and apply God’s wisdom to manage them.
2. Keep reason and emotions balanced.
3. When you are in the discomfort zone, use that to help you identify toxic thoughts.
4. Rewire your thoughts.
5. It is your choice not to operate in fear.  Chose love, in the promises of the Lord.  Pray and obey the guidance from the Holy Spirit.

You and your husband have a divine pre-wired gift from God.

Don’t let emotions stop you from achieving your divine purpose.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

DISCOMFORT ZONES IN MARRIAGE

CASE AND POINT:  Have you ever gone to the doctors office for something and then you hear the words, “This is going to cause you some discomfort.”  All of a sudden they stick you with something that hurts so bad your eyes bulge out.  One time at the doctor’s office they told me to count to ten and the discomfort would be over.  Well, it didn’t take, so they had to do it over again.  After another set of counting to ten while I was in excruciating pain which they called “discomfort”, I was told we would have to “Try it again one more time.”  She said, “I can’t put you through anymore pain so if this doesn’t take, I am going to stop.”  I won’t keep you in suspense, it “took” the third time and the counting to ten stopped.  I never returned for any more poking and pulling.  I don’t believe the doctors anymore when they call something “discomfort.”  That bottle should read, RED HOT!

From time to time, discomfort will enter our marriage.

This “discomfort zone” is never fun or easy and many times cannot be avoided.

The reason why is because it is a disruption in your body or mind.

Whenever there is disruption in our regular and consistent electrical chemical balance, it will result in discomfort.

When this occurs in my marriage, I always try to identify what the root of the problem is.

Sometimes the root might be my children, finances, etc.

At other times, it just might be my own selfishness!

What ever the cause of the discomfort, I know that I just need to connect with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Then you can be free from the chains of toxicity and fear attitudes.

There will be a quickening and awareness because our brains are made to respond to information.

• If the information is good and based on LOVE, wisdom will be further developed.
• If the information is negative and FEAR based, chemicals that disrupt thinking are released into the brain, and produce stress.

This is all scientifically explained in Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You.”

This stress manifests itself through worry.

Worry in turn, causes toxic reactions and PHYSICAL illnesses.

Never ignore toxic thoughts because it is real and alive.

Those toxic thoughts KILL your brain cells and physically it looks like black oil was poured over your brain.

The live thought part of your brain becomes dead.

I don’t know about you, but when I start to worry about something, I cannot THINK clearly.

When that happens to you, it is because your thoughts are now toxic.

You can switch it to “love” by the power and presence of God’s spirit.

Discomfort is a signal to you, to switch to the” love path.”

If you don’t, the damages could be irreversible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FEARS CREEP INTO YOUR MARRIAGE

FEAR is a powerful emotion!

Fears destruction tries to dominate our thoughts and cause us to react to situations that will never happen.

In Christina Leaf’s book, “A Gift Within You”, she has an array of information on how the brain works.

Although this book is not on marriage, it’s information can give you so much insight into your marriage to help you realize that scientifically, it is your choice to “live in love” or “live in fear.”

We usually handle fear in one of three ways:

• You may try to control fear with reasoning and evaluation, or
• You may allow toxic thoughts to dominate you as it throws your body into stress, or
• You might make it even worse through wrong reasoning.

Your “toxic thoughts” will create “toxic fruit” in your marriage.

Scientists call this a “learned” fear because it is not a natural part of how we were created.

God called us and has equipped us to “live in love”, but when we don’t, it is a sign that we have surrendered our minds to “toxic thoughts.”

We were created for “love.”

There is another book by Kandal , “In Search of Memory” that explains this issue.

The real pathway for us is the “love” pathway.

Your brain has a choice to turn a thought into FEAR or turn that thought into LOVE.

The “love” pathway evaluates the toxic fear thought, then hands the situation to God and does not fear.

Jas.1:2 (AMP) “Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials or fall into various temptations.”

Remember that a thought has an emotion attached to it: LOVE or FEAR.

This will create an attitude into your marriage; either bad or good.

Job 32:8 “…The breath of the Almighty gives them understanding.”

There is only one thing that we are to fear and that is God.

Heb.11:31 “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

Prov.1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Remember that FEAR causes the following thoughts to flow:  hate, anger, bitterness, rage, irritation, unforgiveness, unkindness, worry, self-pity, envy, jealousy, obsession and cynicism.

Would you like to live with a spouse like that?

NOT ME!

Neither does your spouse!!

Travel the “love” path in your marriage and love will be your guide and your rear guard!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.