A Step-child’s Heartbreak

14 Mar


A Step-child’s Heartbreak

NOTE:  The following is the testimony of a stepchild’s hurts.  Although it was for just a very short period that the marriage lasted, it still made an impact that will last a lifetime.  I am posting this today because once again, statistics show that every child alive today, one out of two will either be a stepchild or be a step parent.

When I was about 10 years old, my mother got married. I was raised with 2 sisters. We all handled their marriages differently because of our ages. My younger sister was 6 and my older sister was about 12. Up until that point, my sisters and I shared everything with my mom. My father had never been a part of my life, so my mom had done all things alone, to the best of her abilities. It was never easy, but we were happy. When I found out my mom was going to re-marry, I guess it didn’t bother me at first. I thought I might have the opportunity to have a father figure in my life.
​When my mom left for her honeymoon with her new husband, I just could not understand why we couldn’t go with her. It was the longest week of my life. Believe it or not, I experienced feelings of rejection from that. My life, as well as the lives of my sisters, changed after that day. I never did have the opportunity to have that father figure that I desired and we no longer had the mother we once knew.
​As a child, I had a lot of expectations for this marriage. I saw my mom, the person we looked up to, the prayer warrior, go through depression from this marriage. One day, it was pouring rain and my older sister and I had to walk a 2-3 mile walk home from school only to find out, when we walked in the door, that my mom was home and had forgotten us. She would forget to do very important things in our lives, which caused so much resentment, as well as other feelings towards her and the whole situation.
​As a teenager, I accepted Christ into my life and begin to lock into several different ministries that were offered for my age. With help from God, and much Godly counsel from several women that were in my life, I was able to overcome all of the areas in my life that had caused me so much pain. I was able to forgive, and see my mom through God’s eyes. I am so grateful that my mother raised us in church and worked so hard to support my sisters and me.
Although you and your children may not have had the same experiences that I had as a child in a step family home, most children in step family homes have so many feelings they don’t even understand. God created us to have a family with our mom and dad. The devil does everything in his power to destroy that. In the after math, children have to live with the reality that they will never have their mother and father, together, in their lives. Even when they are in a home with great stepparents, many times, it is not the same for them. That doesn’t mean that as a parent you have done a bad job. They are still children and can’t help how they feel.

Children in step-families have thoughts and feelings that go along with your marriage.
Don’t leave your child out.
Keep a close relationship with them.
Receive counsel if you are experiencing problems with your child and if everything is fine. Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.

Your child might have been fine with your new marriage as a child but, as a teenager, they may feel much different.

A NOTE FROM NANCY:  We have discussed before and I will give a quick summation of the teaching for parents and children.  DON’T try to get your spouse to love your children the way he loves his.  It may never happen!!  Nor should you try to get your children to love their stepparent the way they love their biological parent.  That is so torcherous to all involved.  What you want to aim for is: ACCEPTANCE, TRUST and RESPECT.  That will work because we all need to accept everyone for who they are, faults and all.  Show respect to them as you do any stranger and learn to trust God to show you the areas that the person could be trusted in.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

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