LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

 TOTAL SURRENDER

WHEN GOD CALLED OUT, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” (6:8), Isaiah had a clear choice to make. Would he remain committed to his own petty concerns, or would he submit himself totally to his Lord? The prophet made his choice when he replied, “Here am I! Send me.

Isaiah understood that God was the master and he was the servant. He knew that situation called for total surrender, without reservation. While many see this type of service as lowly-and it is humbling-we should consider it a privilege to serve such a loving Lord in every area of our lives… including our marriages.

In 1972, the first year of our marriage, barbara and I decided that before we would give anything to each other, we would surrender our lives, totally and completely, in writing, to Jesus christ. We gave Him everything we ever dreamed of having. We offered it all up and handed over to Him the title deed to our lives. Today those two title deeds are among the most important papers we have.

That first Christmas together, Barbara sat down in our kitchen, and I went to our sparsely furnished living room and took a seat on the hand-me-down sofa. There we sat contemplating giving God all that we had and everything we hoped to have as a couple and as a family. She made her list, I made mine.

What we gave God was what we felt was most important on that day. I gave Him my desires for a successful ministry, nice furniture and things, plenty of money, staying healthy, and some nice ski equipment Barbara’s list was similar-a house with a fireplace and a bay window, children (at least one boy and one girl) who would honor God, her rights to be settled and stable.

Looking back, what we signed over to God on that day seems so trivial now compared to what He has given us. In many instances what He gave us was far more than we ever dreamed or imagined. I see that we gave Him what was already His: our lives. In return, He has given us “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Eph. 3:20). As human beings we mistakenly think that surrendering our lives to the God of the universe is the loss of our lives. In reality, total surrender to God brings not total defeat, but total victory!

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

TIME TO ENJOY ONE ANOTHER

EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO FEEL safe and secure with her husband. She needs to feel his commitment to stay married, his commitment to love her and accept her so that she can feel it is safe to give him this gift of who she is in the marriage relationship. In chapter 7, the Shulamite woman says, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” (v. 10). Can you feel her sense of contentment and security?

And then note one of the ways that a husband can foster this sense of security in his wife-by going away with her for a special time away from normal responsibilities.”Come, my beloved,” she says, “let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards…There I will give you my love” (vv. 11, 12). She invites him to go into a secluded spot, and there they are going to have a picnic and enjoy physical food that satisfies hunger and sexual food that satisfied their souls.

This passage demonstrates the power of a romantic getaway. For a husband to meet his wife’s needs, and vice versa, they need to give each other time just to enjoy one another. Stay up late talking without having to get up the next morning,

Barbara and I have committed to going on getaways like this at least a couple of times each year. We have three purposes for these weekends away. The first is to spend time together with one another and with God-just a quiet time to listen to the Lord, to pray together, to sit and be quiet. A good portion of a weekend getaway might be just sitting by a fire with our feet propped up. We don’t go anywhere, don’t answer phones…we just sit quietly and talk if we feel like it, or we read a book. Or we might take a long walk and talk about whatever we want.

A second purpose for our getaways is planning. We pull out the calendar and we talk about where we’re headed for the next week, the next month, the next six months, and the next year. We talk about vacations, work trips, family reunions, anything we need to talk about.

And then the third purpose is romance and pure pleasure. Just an opportunity to reconnect, soul to soul, heart to heart, and yes, body to body.

Getaways like these are a good time to get away and enjoy romance and a refreshing of our relationship with one another.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Dailey there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ADULTERY

From the very beginning, God warned His people about the dangers of going astray (5:12).

It was a very real possibility then, and it remains so today.

Know that when you find yourself connecting with another person who starts becoming, in even the smallest way, a substitute for your marital partner, you’ve already started to travel a dangerous road.

Emotional adultery occurs when we reserve an inappropriate place in our hearts for any person other than our spouse.

So, how do you protect yourself and your marriage?

Here are some principles many have found helpful:

1.  Know your boundaries.

Put fences around your heart and protect the sacred ground reserved only for your spouse.

Barbara and I are careful to share our deepest feelings, needs, and difficulties only with each other.

For us, this is a non-negotiable boundary.

2. Realize the power of the eyes.

The eyes are the windows of your soul.

Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of those windows!

Good eye contact may be necessary for effective communication, but you must reserve that deep type of look for your mate.

3.  Beware of isolation and concealment.

One strategy of the enemy is to isolate you from your spouse by tempting you to keep secrets from your mate.

Barbara and I both realize the dangers of concealment in our marriage.

We work hard at bringing things out into the open and discussing them.

Our closets are empty.

4.  Extinguish any chemical reactions that may have begun.

You must quickly end any friendship with the opposite sex that seems to have begun meeting needs that your mate alone should be meeting.

A simple rule of chemistry is this:  to stop a chemical reaction, remove one of the elements.

It may feel painful or embarrassing at first, but it doesn’t inflict nearly the pain that comes when temptation gives birth to sin.

5.  Ask God to remind you how important it is to fear Him.

The fear of God has turned me from many a temptation.

It’s one thing to think a friend might learn that I had compromised my faith; it’s quite another thing to realize that God’s throne would have a knowledge of my disloyalty to Barbara faster than the speed of light.

It has been well said that, “a secret on earth is open scandal in heaven.”

My Heavenly Father and my earthly father are there right now—and the mere thought of disappointing either of them, helps keep me pure.

NOTE:  This article is from the book, Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 CONCENTRATE ON YOUR MARRIAGE WINNING

ONE OF THE LAWS OF NATURE is that you never harvest one thing when you’ve planted something else.

You don’t get watermelons by planting cucumbers.

Whatever seed you plant “grows of its own accord” (Lev.25:5).

Marriage is a lot like that—we never get out of marriage what we do not put into it.

One man confessed, “At work I concentrate on winning, and as a result, I am a winner.  At home, however, I concentrate on just getting by.”

It’s no wonder he is losing.

The seed he planted, neglect, grows of it’s own accord.

Americans normally think of themselves as winners.

We are used to winning, but too many times, in the wrong places.

As a result, we end up losing in the important places, such as at home.

The late Vance Havner once said, “Americans  know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.”

If a business goes bankrupt, the president or the chairman of the board is to blame.

Similarly, if our homes fail, you and I are to blame.

We must master the ageless art of leadership and apply it to our families.

If we ever hope to win at home, then we must consider what kind of harvest we want in the end.

If we plant seeds of commitment, to Christ and to one another, along with seeds of forgiveness and respect, we might well expect that God will grant us a great harvest.

NOTE:  This article is from “Marriage Life Family Bible” by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GLUE THAT BINDS MARITAL RELATIONSHIPS

THE BIBLE HAS A LOT to say about the benefits of fearing God.

Leviticus 19:14, for example, indicates that a healthy fear of God  will motivate us to care for the needs of the disadvantaged with grace and kindness.

Proverbs 22:4 tells us that fearing God leads us to life, while Proverbs 10:27 tells us that it prolongs life.

And Psalm 145:19 says the Lord will fulfill the desires of those who fear Him.

In the New Testament, we see that the fear of God is the glue that holds our relationships—including our marriages—together.

Ephesians 5:21 tells us that we should be “submitting to one another in the fear of God”. 

I doubt that there is any dispute or problem in marriage that can’t be solved if both spouses properly fear the Lord and mutually honor and value each other out of that reverential respect for who God is.

A marriage should be a relationship in which forgiveness and acceptance are freely expressed because we live our lives in His presence.

In a Christian marriage, three are present: The husband, the wife, and Jesus Christ.

If the husband and wife share a mutual reverence and a holy desire to obey and serve Christ; God will  use that healthy fear to draw the couple closer to each other and closer to Himself.

NOTE:  This article is from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis & Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

ONENESS OR ISOLATION IS A MARITAL CHOICE

Isolation is the great killer of marriages.

Many marriages continue for years in a state of armed truce.

Competition replaces cooperation and ugly reality dashes dreams as conflict unravels the fabric of love and concern.

The choice to heal those rifts is yours.

Every day, each partner makes choices that result in oneness or in isolation.

Here are three important choices you need to make:

Choice #1:  Resolve to pursue oneness with each other and repent of any isolation that already exists.

Remember, you don’t have to be married a long time to feel isolated.

Choice #2: Resolve to never go to bed angry with one another.

Find a way to resolve your differences and move towards oneness.

Resentment and oneness cannot coexist.

Choice #3:  Resolve to take time to share intimately with each other.

Allow your spouse into your life.

Ask questions of your spouse and listen patiently.

Learn the art of healthy, transparent communication.

MAKE  THE RIGHT CHOICES and you’ll know love, warmth, acceptance and the freedom of true intimacy and genuine oneness.

Make the wrong choices and you’ll know the quiet desperation of living together but never really touching each other deeply.  As a couple, resolve that you will not allow isolation to set up residence in your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FORSAKE DEPENDENCE ON YOUR PARENTS

You may have moved out of their house a long time ago, but have you really left your parents behind?

God did not mince words when He instructed a married couple to leave their parents.

The Hebrew word that normally gets translated leave from Gen.2:24 more fully means “to forsake dependence upon,” “lose,” “leave behind,” “release,” and  “let go.”

Centuries later, Jesus addressed this issue when He said that God never intended for anybody—not in-laws, not mother, not father, not children, not friends, not pastors, not employers—to come between a husband and a wife (Matt.19:6).  No one!

After our wedding ceremony, Barbara and I walked down the aisle together, symbolically proclaiming to all witnesses that we had left our parents.

We had forsaken our dependence upon them for our livelihood and emotional support, and were turning now to each other—for the rest of our lives—as the most important persons in our universe.

This public affirmation of our covenant to each other meant, “No relationship on earth, other than my relationship with Jesus Christ and God, is more important to me than the one with my spouse.”

If you or your spouse has not fully left mother and father, begin to discuss how you have failed to leave and what you can do today to truly forsake dependence upon your parents and cleave to one another.

NOTE:  This article is by Dennis & Barbara Rainey in their book “Family Life and Marriage Bible.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD, PRAYER, AND SEXUAL INTIMACY

Would it surprise you to see the words prayer and lovemaking in the same sentence? In face, they go together quite well.

     Making love in the marriage bed is both fantastic and beautiful. Real, passionate, and intimate love is exactly what should occur between two unashamed married lovers:”Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!”(5:1).

     So what role does prayer play? Praying together will always draw a couple closer. In fact, as your prayer life grows, you will become better lovers. Since marital intimacy was God’s idea, he wants you to experience it to the fullest. As with all other important spiritual endeavors, you and I need His Spirit’s power for true success. Vonette Bright, the wife of the late Bill Bright, said this about sex, “It’s just as important to be filled with the Holy Spirit in bed as it is in witnessing to another about Jesus Christ.”

     That’s why you should pray for one another before you go to bed. Ask Him to make you the finest lovers. Here are a few ideas to help keep lovemaking fresh.

     1. Praying together builds respect and attraction. Husbands, did you know that initiating prayer with your wife makes you more desirable?

     2. Ask God to bless your spouse through your time together. Husbands, what a privilege to pray for your wife before initiating intimacy! Wives, did you know that expressing admiration and respect for your husband in prayer will minister to him?

     3. If you’ve struggled as a couple with sex, ask God to bless your time and give you understanding for one another. We have prayed over this area of our marriage, and He has answered.

     4. Pray for patience with one another. There’s nothing quite like asking God to help you be more gentle and kind with your spouse in lovemaking.

     5. Pray during lovemaking! Yes, we’re serious. Hold your spouse and give thanks for him or her and your time together. You’ll see what we mean.

     6. Thank God for the gift of intimacy and pleasure in your marriage. A husband and wife, wrote to us, “It is special to pray together after having made love. Since God invented this beautiful expression, why should we be afraid to pray together afterward? What a way to celebrate having come to each other in purity.”

     Amen! We urge you to pray together and turn out the lights early tonight!

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q & A  

Question #1:  What does it take to become the romantic man of my wife’s dreams?

Answer #1:  

The key is learning to become fluent in her romantic love language.

*A romantic man engages his wife in a living and growing relationship without losing sight that physical intimacy is an important part of that relationship.

*A romantic man commits to learning nonsexual ways to love his lover while nurturing in her the freedom to be sexually responsive.

*A romantic man can kiss, hug, touch, and cuddle without a sexual agenda, while helping his wife embrace the joy of sex at the right time.

*A romantic man connects to his wife’s world, supports, listens, and shares his heart, while being confidently aware that sexual intimacy is vital to the survival of his marriage.

*A romantic man will do all of these things even when his spouse is sexually unresponsive, knowing that in due time he will reap what he sows.

     You can learn to speak your wife’s language of romantic love and still be fully a man, with all the sexual desire God put there. Remember, there is no shame, no condemnation, and no apology for being a real man.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHO IS THE BUILDER OF YOUR HOME?

THE DICTIONARY traditionally defines understanding as “the faculty of the human mind by which it…comprehends the ideas which others express and intend to communicate.”

Yet in the Bible, understanding is not just a transfer of information, but empathy for the other person.

Consider Exodus 36:1, which tells how two craftsmen named Bezalel and Aholiab were given divine wisdom and understanding, “to know how to do all manner of work for the service of the sanctuary,” so that they could “do according to all that the Lord has commanded.”

This is a scriptural example of what the Bible refers to as “understanding.”

These men, and the other artisans working under their supervision, were given the divine ability not only to know how to work their magic with gold and silver and leather and beautiful fabrics and thread, but also how to communicate with one another in a way that would move their assignment forward.

Barbara and I have found that this kind of understanding—the kind that goes beyond mere facts to empathize with the other—is essential in building our relationship and family.

When I know that she tries to understand some situation from my perspective (and vice versa), it’s amazing how problems dissipate.

As we make Jesus Christ the Builder of our homes (Psa.127:1), we can begin to see our relationship reflect God’s character.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.