16 Mar




It came out in the news a story about a married couple who went scuba diving.  The wife died because something happened to her air hose.  Someone else who was scuba diving with them and was in the area, took a picture of them.  The picture shows the husband swimming away as he is starring at her drowning.  He actually taught scuba diving and would show the proper procedure to share air tanks if  someone has a malfunction.  There was a trial for murder going on due to the fact that he could have saved her and did not.

I remember when I heard this story that I was so mad at her husband for not helping her.  They were investigating to see if he did something to her hose to kill her.

This may sound like a terrible story, but how many of us are doing the same thing to our spouse.

Today we will once again use comments that were taken from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book “Love and Respect”.  (I recommend this as a must read for all married couples.)

We will be going over the New Testament marriage treatise of love and respect that is stated in  Eph.5:33 “…husband…love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she respect her husband.”

In Corinthian it states that husbands and wives should care for their spouse.

1Cor.7:33-34 “…husband… be concerned…how he should please his wife…and the wife…be concerned about…how she may please her husband.”

CASE AND POINT:  Scientific researcher Dr. John Gottman’s findings confirm what  Scripture has said for two thousand years.  He is a professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Washington.  The professor led a research team for twenty years, studying two thousand couples who had been married twenty to forty years to the same partner.  These couples were from diverse backgrounds but the one thing that was similar was the tone of their conversations.  Gottman said that as these couples talked with each other, almost always, there was a “strong undercurrent of two basic ingredients: LOVE and RESPECT.

In Ephesians the Apostle Paul must be speaking straight from Gods heart.

He is saying that the husband MUST LOVE (agape) his wife unconditionally. And the wife MUST RESPECT her husband unconditionally.

God is not commanding the wife to love (agape) her husband in this verse because he has designed that already in her nature.

But in Titus 2:4 older women are instructed to encourage younger women to love their husbands.

In Titus 2:4 this love is not “agape”.  He uses the Greek word “phileo” which is the human, brotherly kind of love.

A young wife, will never stop unconditionally loving (agape) her husband and children.

She may start to lack love (phileo) and become very discouraged through the wear and tear of daily life.

Are your motives filled with AGAPE, but your methods lack PHILEO?

When your husband acts in ways that are unloving to you, do you react in ways that feel disrespectful to him.

When you feel that your husband is not loving you, even if he is not aware of it, you feel like you can’t breathe.

The same is true of you.  When you disrespect your husband, you are standing on his air hose and he can’t breathe!

As his air hose starts to leak, because of all the little cuts you have thrown his way, he is definitely going to REACT.


Well, now you are back on the CRAZY CYCLE.

Men will emphasize to their wives, that when they hear negative criticism they interpret it as disrespect.

When your husband can’t take it any longer, he will walk out and that is his way of saying, “I don’t love you anymore.”

Men have an HONOR CODE.  Your husband doesn’t want to fight verbally or physically.

Both you and your husband may have basic goodwill, and you may just feel that you are trying to help him.


Sad that our husbands have to go to total strangers to get the respect that they deserve.


Respecting your husband is your job, not a stranger at his work.

NOTE:  Don’ t miss tomorrows post.  It is a continuation of this.

7 Responses to “GET OFF MY AIR HOSE!! I CAN’T BREATHE!!”

  1. Andrea Gil March 16, 2011 at 7:48 am #

    I’ve been married 5 months with two stepkids! wow! Without realizing it i’ve been disrespect ful. when i feel he is being unloving i am sure to tell him! Daily wear and tear has me discouraged. how do i stop feeling like that?

    • nancysalazar March 16, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

      Hi Andrea! Congratulations on being a new bride. You will now have your handsful but with the grace of God you can do it. You must get the book “Love & Respect.” It is excellent. Also there is a website that you can go to for being a stepparent. I am amazed at the great insight. One of their comments is to not try to make the kids love you. As a stepparent there are three areas that are important. Showing the kids you ACCEPT them as they are, RESPECT them, and TRUST them. A-R-T Those are the three: ACCEPTANCE, RESPECT, AND TRUST. Most of all, you are your husbands girlfriend. He married you to have fun! Read some of the blogs in my archives. They will help you.

      • nancysalazar March 16, 2011 at 12:10 pm #

        Andrea, I forgot to mention the website for stepparenting by Michael Popkin and Elizabeth Einstein. You must see it.

  2. Christina Araujo March 16, 2011 at 9:43 am #

    Thank you so much. Look forward to your posts. Sometimes the pill is not easy to swallow. But the medicine works. Thanks again Sis Nancy

    • nancysalazar March 16, 2011 at 11:42 am #

      Thanks Christina! Your comment is so true. lol!! Thank God for His precious Holy Spirit that strengthens us and guides us into all truths. That is what keeps me saved. I need Jesus in my life!!

  3. Andrea Gil March 16, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

    Thank you so much its a great encouragement!

    • nancysalazar March 16, 2011 at 9:54 pm #

      Thanks Andrea. You encouraged me. Try not to go by your feelings cause they are deceiving. You do your part in the marriage and you will be fulfilled. Women are emotional creatures and that is the way God made us. Men are not equipped to understand us no matter how much they try. Try to understand him by letting him slide.

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