EVERY COUPLE HAS A GOOD REWARD

24 Apr

EVERY COUPLE HAS A GOOD REWARD

Give your spouse credit for their resolution ideas 

 In order to get your spouse to think your way, you need their COOPERATION.

You might never see a good idea from your spouse that isn’t yours.

To be effective, you need to understand that you never LOSE credit when you share the glory with your spouse.

When you highlight the contribution of your spouse, they will increase their self-confidence and it will raise their spirit—which will improve future performance.

In Matt.10:10 Jesus said, “…the worker is worthy of his support.”

A spouse NEVER loses out by giving credit and recognition where it is due.

By giving your spouse credit for their ideas, you are demonstrating that together, you have both effectively built a strong team.

Psa.133:1 “…how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!”

Eccles.4:9 “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.”  There are four reasons why two are better than one:

  1. Because they have more reward for their labor. (v.9)
  2. One can lift the other one up if he falls. (4:10)
  3. Both can keep warm. (4:11)
  4. They can prevail against another. (4:12)

This is an excellent and worthy ACCOMPLISHMENT.

By arguing and yelling out names, you quench the Holy Spirit, along with all that the two of you are trying to build for Gods kingdom.

Always explain to your spouse CALMLY that you both are on the same team and that you want to do your part to make the both of you look good.

You would make your spouse feel really important if you tell them that you also want them involved in any future issues that may come up.

Complaining will yield NO FRUIT, and will probably only antagonize your spouse.

Try to resolve issues; then learn to live with the situation.

If you fail to reach an understanding or an agreement with your spouse after attempting to work out the situation, seek the Lord’s GUIDANCE and extend grace to your spouse.

Live with the situation!

Don’t develop a negative attitude because it will DAMAGE your credibility and eat you alive.Let go of resentment!

Remember the saying: Differences create the challenges in life that open the door to discovery.

In the book, “The seven habits of highly effective teens” by Sean Covey, he defines a word called SYNERGIZE.  Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create a better solution than either could alone.

It’s not your way but a better way, a higher way.

GETTING  TO  SYNERGY  ACTION  PLAN 

1.  Define the problem or opportunity

2.  Their way  (Seek  first to understand the ideas of others.)

3.  My way (Seek to be understood by sharing your ideas)

4.  Brainstorm (Create new options and ideas.)

5.  High way  (Find the best solution)

Do you try and ram your OPINIONS down your spouses’ throat?

How does that make you feel after?

Isn’t it wiser to get IDEAS from your spouse since not everyone thinks like you?

In fact, no one else thinks like you!!!

Our brain is so intricate that there are trillions of ways to process information.

If you only respect your idea, you are living in denial.

It has been recorded, that Walt Disney never gave anyone on staff credit for their work.  He would tell them that it was better for people to recognize the Disney name then to give everyone credit.  It brought a lot of division in his employees.  He got credit for everything they did.  At different intervals, he would loose his best cartoonist and other very valuable employees.  Walt Disney did not care.  He only cared about the Disney name getting the credit.

Let’s avoid making our spouse feel like less of a person just like these Disney employees.

TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR SPOUSE IS SCREAMING TO BE HEARD

23 Apr

YOUR SPOUSE IS SCREAMING TO BE HEARD

Let your spouse do most of the talking

We often find ourselves doing all the talking when we want our spouse to do something OUR WAY.

We forget that our spouse has needs, wants, interests and preferences.

It is not all about you!!!!

The only way that you can find out what your spouses CONCERNS are, is to let them talk.

My husband likes to use the saying, “Give a man enough rope and he will hang himself.”

Through life, I have seen this happen over and over, again.

Psa.12:4 “Who have said, With our tongue will we prevail; our lips are our own: who is lord over us?”

In Hebrew, the word “prevail” is pronounced, gabar.  This word means to exceed or to be stronger.

This verse shows a person who is a smooth talker and relies on his own ability and flattering talk to deceive and overcome his listener.

This verse goes on to say, because you have a GIFT of communication, you think you can say what you want.

In the end, those are the ones who will receive greater damnation.  Matt.12:37  “For  by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

What are your spouses’ needs?

What are your spouses’ wants?

What are your spouses’ interests?

What are your spouses’ preferences?

Are your spouses’ concerns NOT important to you?

Is it just all about you?    It’s not about you!!!!!!

LISTEN for hints about your spouses concerns?

Sometimes that is all your spouse wants is to be heard.

Your spouse may just want to FEEL important.

Your spouse wants to feel important and be a part.

Ask your spouse questions about your decision, because you may need ADVISE to make it work.

Ask your spouse questions from comments and hints that they have given you.

DON’T DO ALL THE TALKING!  DO MORE LISTENING!

Eccles.5:3 “…a fool’s voice is known by multitude of words.”

In Hebrew, the word “fool” is someone who is stupid or silly.

This verse says, if you want to identify someone who is acting ignorant, just look around and see who won’t stop talking.

CASE AND POINT:  Over 20 years ago my husband was invited to speak at a church.  After the service, we went for coffee with the pastor whose name I don’t remember.  He sat there for over an hour talking about how his song leading has improved.  When we left, so many things went through my mind.  I don’t want this to sound like a “bragamony” but I felt he had a great opportunity to pick my husbands brain.  This pastor was new at pastoring.  My husband had been a missionary for five years in England, pioneered three churches, and at that time had been in ministry approximately 20 years.  Since my husband never makes suggestions on improvements unless asked, we learned how to improve your vocal cords from a pastor that didn’t know how to sing.  Lol!!

I usually learn from my mistakes, but this was a time that I learned from someone else’s.

Let your spouse do most of the talking.

Is your spouse screaming to be heard?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WHAT MAKES A FRIENDLY FRIEND?

22 Apr

                                                                             

                                                                                    WHAT MAKES A FRIENDLY FRIEND?                                                                                   

 Begin in a friendly way

FRIENDLY means acting in a non-threatening manner toward and/or showing kindness to someone.

There are some pretty important words in the definition of friendly, like non-threatening and showing kindness.

How many times have you wanted your spouse to think your way and you end it with THREATS? Huh?? How many times??

Being friendly is also showing kindness.

How do we be NICE when we are loosing the battle of convincing our spouse that we are right?

It takes a lot of patience and self-control.

Let’s look at some scriptures that use the word “friend”:
Judges 19:3 “And her husband arose, and went after her, to speak friendly unto her, and to bring her again…”

The word “friendly” used in this verse, in Hebrew is leb. It means with care, comfort, kindness, understanding and wisdom.

Does that sound like how you RESPOND when you are not getting the response that you want from your spouse?

Prov.18:24 “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
This verse is saying, that in order to have friends, you have to dine and entertain them. But there is a friend, that will stick by you during adversity.
The One who sticks closer than a brother is YOU!  The spouse!

In Mal.4:14 , it says that the wife is a COMPANION.

You are his friendly friend!
It is okay to be PASSIONATE about wanting your spouse to think your way.

It is okay to bring him a dozen red roses, with chocolate candies and a marching band. Why Not?!? It might work! (If it does, tell me. I might try it. heehee!

CASE AND POINT: I hope I remember all the details to this story, because I thought it was cool. When Mel Gibson wanted Julia Roberts to do a movie with him (Conspiracy Theory), he sent a marching band with him. She was laughing hysterically while she was telling the story. I can’t image what she was like when the band arrived. Needless to say, her response to Mel was, YES!

The point is, that in the process, don’t forget to be friendly.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO BE FRIENDLY.

1. Smile. I know that I mention that a lot but that is because you guys keep forgetting to smile. We smile at everyone all day. Then we come home and smile at the dog. What happened to the spouse?

2. Learn to speak, small talk. Have a nice little chit chat about something interesting. Not your girlfriends business but something of his interest.

3. Try talking about positive topics. If we listen to ourselves, most of the stuff we talk about is to negative. Especially women. Stay positive. Again, talk about the topics he likes. IT WORKS!!
One time a pastor asked me what puts my husband in a good mood. I told him, his baby. He told me that he was going to have a T-shirt made with my babies picture on it before he entered my husbands’ office. Lol!! I told him that would definitely work. My husband would be like putty in his hands. Lol!! Be creative! You are friendly with everyone else, why not with your spouse?

4. Have a sense of humor. Your spouse loves to have a good laugh. So laugh even if you have to think of a joke or a funny story. You need to have fun with each other. Look for opportunities to laugh. Even if it isn’t the funniest thing you have ever heard.

I heard on the history channel that King Henry the VIII, wore his WEALTH. He had his jewels sown into all of his garments. His vests were extravagant. Everything he wore was exquisite.

God has given us garments of jewels to wear. That is our countenance; a SMILE.

Wear your wealth!

Do you want your spouse to think your way?

Be his friendly friend!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

EXTRA BAGGAGE RUINS MARRIAGE

21 Apr

EXTRA BAGGAGE RUINS MARRIAGE 

If You Are Wrong, Admit it Quickly!  

Why do people try to wiggle out of their mistakes?

Some people have a character flaw of being addicted to “being right.”

Flaws exist because they are a RESPONSE to a challenge or a trauma that threatens us .

Character flaws definitely make life much more difficult because you have to carry around a lot of baggage.

The problem with “dodging a bullet”, is that the bullet is still flying around.

The “dodging bullet” still needs to be dealt with and it will probably hit somebody else.

As the “dodging bullet” flies around, you end up losing the respect from those close to you.

You can turn this common flaw into the virtue, HUMILITY.

Phil.2:8  “And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross”

In Phil.2:8, the word “fashion”  is the Greek word schema.  This was the same word that was used in ancient times to depict a king who exchanged his kingly garments for a brief period of time for the clothing of a beggar.

God almighty shed His glorious appearance and PUT ON the garment of flesh made from dust just for us.

The word “humbled” is the Greek word tapeinao which means to be willing  to stoop to any measure that is needed.

Ask yourself what the reward is for being addicted to “being right.”

Addicted to “being right” shows that the person has issues:

Maybe, trying to save face or, holding on to self esteem or, an array of other reasons.

Next time you catch yourself trying to “be right”, take it as an OPPORTUNITY to admit you’re wrong.

How can admitting you are wrong help you?

People being addicted to “being right” often are criticized for not being compassionate and caring about others.

A person who admits they are wrong, are more resourceful because he believes this gives him the insight to develop new capabilities.

CASE AND POINT:  I remember we had a guest speaker at church years ago He told the church that they should always be working on something in their life to be more like Jesus.  Just the week before God had showed me an area that I needed to improve.  I asked God to reveal to me every time I did that thing he wasn’t pleased with.  I allowed the Holy Spirit to convict me and guide my attitude about that area.  I was very excited about partnering with the Holy Spirit to work on areas of my life.

Admitting you are wrong creates:

An environment of TOLERANCE towards others,

Open-mindedness to discovering the truth, and

It will point out where you sound STUPID.

Admitting your fault puts you closer to dealing with it.

This could be the first step towards a successful turn-around.

Admitting your fault SHOWS your integrity and courage even if there are consequences.

It is everyone’s responsibility to seek what is right and just.  Phil.4:8 “Finally, brethren…whatsoever things are just…think on these things.

From lifehack.org, here are pointers on confessing up and dealing with your mistakes:

  • See things from someone else’s perspective:  If you’ve made a promise and failed to keep it, put yourself n the other party’s shoes and see how things look from there.
  • Be sympathetic:  Realize that your mistakes might affect many more people than just you, and recognize the pain you’ve caused.  A little bit of sympathy can well be the opening you need to set things right.
  • Take responsibility:  Don’t try to weasel out of it, and don’t look around wildly for someone else to blame.  Even if your failure came about because someone let you down, you’re ultimately responsible for the projects under your authority.
  • Accept the consequences:  It’s hard, I know, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take your lumps.  Few actions come without any consequences at all; be prepared to embrace whatever befalls you as a result of the mistakes you’ve made.
  • Have a plan:  Taking responsibility means being prepared to clean up the mess, which means you need a plan.  You should have a clear idea of what went wrong and how you can fix it – and how you can avoid it in the future.
  • Be sincere:  Don’t pretend to feel sympathy or act phony so that the other person can see how deeply you care.  Don’t play the martyr.  Show honest emotion—the first step to rebuilding the trust lost.
  • Apologize.  No, really.  A lot of people go to great lengths to make up for their mistakes – or to hide them – when a simple “I’m sorry” would do the job, and cause a lot fewer hard feelings.

Prov.8:12 “Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty (proud), and before honour is humility.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly!

Yes, admit it!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

GIVING THANKS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

20 Apr

GIVING THANKS IN TIMES OF TROUBLE

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

DURING TIMES OF TROUBLE, Barbara and I have learned a simple, four-word principle for handling problems, “In everything give thanks” (1Thess.5:18).  King David expressed the same principle centuries before when he wrote,”Save us, O God of our salvation; gather us together, and deliver us from the Gentiles, to give thanks to your holy name, to triumph in Your praise” (1Chron.16:35).

This isn’t a simplistic excuse to put your head in the sand and ignore reality.  On the contrary, I believe it’s a step of faith in dealing with the storms of life—and that includes the little things as well as the big challenges.

Giving thanks in everything means that you have to ask yourself, “Is God really involved in the details of my life?”  Could God possibly want to teach you something through a flat tire, a kids runny nose, or a Lego-covered floor?  Does he really want to be a part of every moment of your day or is he willing to settle for the 9:30 to noon slot on Sunday morning?

So the next time you face an interruption or things are unraveling at a high rate of speed, try giving thanks to God in all things.  Those four little words express our belief that God knows what He is doing and that He can be trusted.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER

19 Apr

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1  What are some specific ways to please my husband?

Answer #1  

1.  Put a love note in his lunchbox or briefcase.

2.  Prepare his favorite meal.

3.  Arrange an evening out for just the two of you.

4.  Wear his favorite dress with your hair done the way he likes it.

5.  Purchase something small and frivolous for him that he won’t buy himself.

6.  Give him a nicely framed picture of yourself–or of you and the children–for his office.

7.  Surprise him with an all-expense-paid trip to do something he likes, such as golf, fishing or hunting.

8.  Put the children to bed early and prepare a candlelight dinner.

9.  Do something that especially pleased him when you were dating.

10.  Read scriptures and pray with him daily.

11.  Wear his favorite negligee or buy a new nightgown to add sizzie to your evening attire.

12.  Clean out the car for him.

Sometimes the smallest gestures can make the biggest difference.  Pick out something you haven’t tried before; don’t give complacency a foothold in your marriage.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

JUST DO IT MY WAY

18 Apr

JUST DO IT MY WAY

 Your spouse’s opinion needs to be respected 

Never, never say, “You’re wrong” to your spouse!!

You have just “sucker punched” a direct blow to their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect.

Their NATURAL reaction would be to strike back.

This is the worst way to get them to change their mind.

How can you get them to change their opinion by hurting their feelings?

This is a sure way to make your spouse an ENEMY!

In Dale Carnegie’s book, it states that President Theodore Roosevelt said if he could be right 75% of the time, he would reach the highest measure of his expectations.

This is the president who would be elated if he could reach 75% accuracy, yet you expect your husband to be right 100% of the time.

If he isn’t right what do you say??  I know you don’t call him an idiot!  DO YOU?!?

If your accuracy in decision making were that high, you would have Kings knocking at your door for solutions to world problems.

Let’s be FAIR to our spouse; lets be real.

The bible doesn’t tell the wife to feel respectful, she is told to be respectful.

Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Your spouse thrives and grows toward GODLINESS when you respect his opinion on a decision.

You are saying, “I’m smarter than you are or I’m going to show you a thing or two or I’ll make you change your mind,” when you don’t respect his opinion.

If you are going to prove anything, do it subtly.

Don’t let anyone know you are proving YOUR side.

This is not a FOOD NETWORK CHALLENGE where someone is being chopped.

This is your spouse, the love of your life.

If you are CONCERNED about a decision your husband has made, ask him the following:

“Can we talk about____________?  I feel uncomfortable about____________.”

“I’m confused about____________________ .       Can you explain it to me?” 

Give God the freedom to teach your husband through failure.

Give God the freedom to teach you to trust Him through your husband’s failure.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers; for they shall be called the children of God.”  Matt.5:9

When you do not respect your spouses’ opinion, you only succeed in STRIPPING them of self-dignity and you have made yourself an unwelcomed part of any decision.

How does that sound to you?  Unwelcomed part of any decision.

A lot of damage can be done if you tell your spouse STRAIGHT OUT that he is wrong.

Jesus said, ”…agree with thine adversary quickly…”

This verse goes on to say the reason for quickly agreeing is that the next move is to go before the judge.

The last thing that we should want in our marriage is to go before the JUDGE.    We don’t belong there!

Prov. 31:26  “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

This woman opens her mouth and wisdom comes out.  Also, kindness is the grace on her lips.  She is an excellent example of a meek and quiet spirit.

It is so easy to say, “I may be wrong.  I frequently am.   Let’s examine the facts.”

It is easy to say, “If I am wrong, I want to be put right.  Let’s examine the facts.”

Isn’t it easier to respect his opinion than to go before the judge?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

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