KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 4

28 Nov

                                              

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 4

Fourteenth Key:  Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel.” 1Tim.2:9.  “She…works with willing hands.”  “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household.”  “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Prov.31:13, 15, 27.  “Be ye clean.” Isa.52:11.  “Let all things be done decently and in order.” 1Cor.14:40.  “If any provide not…for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1Tim.5:8.  “Be not slothful.” Heb.6:12.

Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil’s weapons to destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your marriage.  Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are essential for both husband and wife.  The meals should be wholesome, attractive, and served on time.  The home should be clean and orderly, because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all.  A lazy, shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to his family and an insult to God.  Carelessness in some of these seemingly small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.

Fifteenth Key:  Determine to speak softly and kindly.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Prov.15:1  “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest.” Eccl.9:9.  “When I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1Cor.13:11.

Force yourself to speak softly and kindly to your spouse.  Silence, when one is attached, is often the best method to cool wrath.  Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it’s best to relax and let anger cool.  And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly.  Harsh, angry words crush your spouse’s desire to please you.

Sixteenth Key:  Be reasonable in money matters. 

“It (love) is not possessive…Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage.” 1Cor.13:4,5.  “God  loveth a cheerful giver.” 2Cor.9:7

All possessions and income in marriage should be “ours,” not “yours” and “mine.”  Wives who don’t work outside the home should receive a regular amount for groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items.  It should be cheerfully provided instead of grudgingly released under protest.  Wife and husband both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as desired without giving account.  A miserly husband usually angers his wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife stingy.  Showing confidence in your companion’s managing ability will usually make him or her more businesslike.

Seventeenth Key:  Talk things over and counsel together freely.

“It (love) is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance…It is not touchy.” 1Cor.13:4, 5.  “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul.” Prov.15:32.  “Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.” Prov.26:12

Few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on all major decisions.  Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile, a boat, furniture, clothing (Major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of both should be considered.  Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage.  If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband’s decision.  Scripture is clear on this. (See Eph.5:22-24)

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

NOTE:  There is a new post daily to help your marriage succeed.

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 3

27 Nov

    

 KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 3

Tenth Key:  God describes love; make it your daily goal to measure up.

“Love is forbearing and kind.  Love knowns no jealousy.  Love does not brag; is not conceited.  She is not unmannerly, or selfish, nor irritable, nor mindful of wrongs.  She does not rejoice in injustice, but joyfully sides with the truth.  She can overlook faults.  She is full of trust, full of hope, full of endurance.” 1Cor.13:4-7.

Please reread the above scripture passage carefully.  This is God’s true description of love.  How do you measure up?  Love is not a sentimental impulse, but a holy principle that involves every phase and action of life.  With true love, your marriage cannot fail.  Without it, it cannot succeed.

Eleventh Key:  Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love.

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Col.3:19.  “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Prov.21:19.  “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Prov.27:15.  “Why beholds thou the mote (splinter) that is in thy brother’s eye, but considers not the beam (whole board) that is in thine own eye?” Matt.7:3.  “Love…looks for a way of being constructive.” ICor.13:4.

Stop criticizing, nagging, and fault-finding.  Your husband or wife may lack much, but nagging won’t help.  Don’t expect perfection, or bitterness will result.  Overlook faults, and hunt for the good things.  Don’t try to reform, control, or compel your partner–you will destroy love.  Only God can change people.  A sense of humor, a cheerful heart, kindness, patience, and affection will banish two-thirds of your marriage problems.  Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and the good will take care of itself.  The secret of a successful marriage lies not in having the right partner, but rather in being the right partner.

Twelfth Key:  Do not overdo in anything; be temperate.

“Every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things.” 1Cor.9:25.  “Love…does not pursue selfish advantage.” 1Cor.13:5.  “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” 1Cor.10:31.  I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection.” 1Cor. 9:27.  “If any would not work, neither should he eat.”  2Thes.3:10.  “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.” Heb.13:4.  “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.  Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin.” Rom.6:12,13

Overdoing will ruin your marriage.  So will undergoing.  Work, love, rest, exercise, play, worship, meals, and social contacts must be carefully balanced in your marriage, or something will snap.  Overwork and the lack of sleep, proper food, or exercise make a person critical, intolerant, and negative.  Constant overeating is a great evil that strengthens the lower nature and dulls the conscience.

Sexual abuses destroy a love for holy things and weaken vitality.  Marriage gives no license to sexual excesses.  Degrading, twisted, or intemperate sex acts destroy love and respect for one another.  A temperate sex life is recommended by the Bible (1Cor.7:3-7).  Social contact with others are absolutely essential.  True happiness cannot be found in isolation.  We must learn to laugh and enjoy wholesome, good times.  To be overly serious is dangerous.  Overdoing or undergoing in anything weakens the mind, body, conscience, and the ability to love and respect one another.  Don’t let intemperance wreck your marriage.

Thirteen Keys:  Respect each other’s personal rights and privacies.

“Love is forbearing…Love knows no jealousy…She is not unmannerly, nor selfish… She does not rejoice in injustice…She is full of trust.” 1Cor.13:4-7.  “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love and respect one another.” Rom.12:10.

Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies without explanation.  The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected.  Your husband and wife even has a right to be wrong part of the time .  Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes.  Only God can make such changes, and we shall all answer personally to Him on this matter (Rom.4:12). Perfect confidence and trust in one another–no checking up on each other–is absolutely essential for happiness.  Spend less time trying to “figure out” your spouse and more time trying to please her or him.  This works wonders.

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 2

26 Nov

       

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 2

Fifth Key :  Never retire for the night angry with each other.

“Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.  “Eph.4:26.  “Confess your faults one to another.” Jas.5:16.  “Forgetting those things which are behind.”  Phil.3:13.  “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”  Eph.4:32.

To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous.  Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life.  This is why God says to let anger cool before retiring at night.  Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, “I’m sorry.”  After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it.  Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together.  God suggests it!  It works!

Sixth Key :  Keep Christ in the center of your home.

“Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.” Psa.127:1.  “In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Prov.3:6.  “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:7.

This is the greatest rule.  It really covers all the others.  Put Christ first!  The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, union with Christ.  Hearts filled with Christ’s love can never be very far apart.  With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful.  The gospel is the cure for all marriages that are filled with hatred, bitterness, and disappointment.  It prevents thousands of divorces by miraculously restoring love and happiness.  It will save your marriage, too, if you are willing.

Seventh Key :  Pray together.

“Pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matt.26:41.  “Pray one for another.” Jas.5:16.  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally.” Jas.1:5

Pray aloud for each other!  This is a wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream.  Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom–for the solution to problems.  God has given a personal guarantee that He will answer.  The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right.  No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God’s help.

Eighth key :   Agree that divorce is not the answer.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matt.19:6.  “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Matt.19:9.  “The woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth.” Rom.7:2.

The bible is clear.  The ties of marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible.  Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery.  But even then it is not demanded, only permitted.  Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of a moral fall.  Marriage is for life.  God so ordained it when He performed the first wedding in Eden.  Thoughts of divorce as a solution will destroy any marriage.  This is one reason Jesus ruled it out.  Divorce is always destructive and almost never a solution to the problem.  Instead, it creates much greater problems, so it should never be considered.  Torn, frustrated, unhappy, twisted lives almost inevitably follow divorce, and even success in life itself is often thwarted.  God instituted marriage to guard people’s purity and happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to evaluate their physical, mental, and moral nature.  Its vows are among the most solemn and binding obligations that human beings can assume.  To lightly set them aside results in removing one’s self from God’s favor and blessing.

Ninth Key :   Keep the family circle closed tightly.

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Ex.20:14.  “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her…She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Prov.31:11,12.  “The Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously.” Mal.2:14.  “Keep thee from the evil woman…Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids…Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?…So he that goeth in to his neighbor’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.” Prov.6:24-29.

Family intimacies must never be shared with others–not even with parents.  It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule.  A third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife.    Solve your home problems privately.  No one else (except your minister or marriage counselor) should ever be involved.  Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets from each other.  Tell no jokes at the expense of your spouse’s feelings.  Vigorously defend  each other, and strictly exclude all intruders.  And as for adultery (in spite of what some marriage counselors say), it always hurts  you and everyone else involved.  God, who knows our mind, body, and emotional structure (and knows what helps or hurts us) says,  “Thou shalt not.”  And when He says, “Don’t,”  we had better not.  Those who ignore His rule will pay the supreme penalty.  So if flirtations have begun, break them off at once, or shadows may settle over  your life that cannot be lifted.

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 1

25 Nov

                                                           

 KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 1

First key:  Establish your own private home.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen.2:24

God’s rule is specific.  A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment.  Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these.  Then she should inform her relatives and he, his.  They must remain firm no matter who opposes.  Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.

Second key:  Continue your courtship.

“Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.”  1Pet.4:8, RSV. “Her husband…praiseth her.”  Prov.31:28.  “She that is married careth…how she may please her husband.”  1Cor. 7:34.  “Be kindly affectioned one to another…in honour preferring one another.” Rom.12:10

Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life.  Successful marriages do not just happen; they must be developed.  Don’t take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage.  Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart.  Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others.  So spend as much time as possible doing things together.  If you did, you would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm.  Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together.  Don’t overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts.  Surprise each other with little gifts or favors.  Try to “outlove” each other.  Don’t take more out of marriage than you put into it.  Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love.  Given a chance, love always wins.

Third key:  Remember that God joined you together in marriage.

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife…Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  Matt.19:5-6

Has love almost disappeared from your home?  The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this.  Don’t forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy.  He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments).  “With God all things are possible.”  Matt.19:26.  Don’t despair.  God, who places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can easily give you love for each other if you will let him.

Fourth key:  Guard your thoughts–don’t let your senses trap you.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Prov.23:7.  “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife.”  Ex.20:17.  Keep thy heart with al diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”  Prov.4:23.  “Whatsoever things are true,…honest,…just,…pure,…lovely,…of good report,…think on these things.” Phil.4:8.

The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage.  The devil will trap you with thoughts like these:  “Our marriage was a mistake.”  “She doesn’t understand me.”  “I can’t take much more of this.”  “We can always divorce if necessary.”  “I’ll go home to mother.”  “He smiled at that woman.”  Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions.  Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness.  Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a  hill.  Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.

END OF PART ONE:

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

NOTE:  Daily there is new post to help your marriage be a success.

YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER FIRE

24 Nov

                                                        

 YOUR MARRIAGE UNDER FIRE

 Marriages are always under attack because it is a “Holy Institution” according to Malachi.

That is why statistics show that over 50% of marriages end up in divorce court.

For a second marriage statistics show about 74% of marriages do not make it.

John 10:10 “The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy.”  (your marriage)

This is exactly what the devil wants to do to your marriage.

The enemy “fights dirty” against the survival of your marriage.

CASE AND POINT:  In 1983 there was a tragic and fatal boxing story.  It was a Jr. Middleweight bout between Collins versus Resto.  Billy Collins Jr. was from Tennessee and Luis Resto was from Puerto Rico.  Collins had never lost a match and was the favorite to win.  He was to be a contender for the championship.  Collins face was beat so bad that after a few rounds, he was unrecognizable.  He lost the fight to Resto.  When they went to shake hands, it was noticed that Restos glove had a slit in it.  The padding had been removed by someone and that left Collins face to be hit by direct knuckles in every punch.  Collins was left with permanent eye damage in his left iris, which was teared.  Permanently blurred vision.  This rising stars boxing career was finished.  Less than a year later he was DUI and his car crashed and landed in a river, killing him.  Whether it was a suicide or a DUI, he was dead at age 22.

Twenty five years later a documentary was made because the producer wanted to clear Resto’s name and shame for being responsible for the ripped glove.  After days and hours of interviews, Resto could not live with the guilt any longer.  He confessed that there was $23,000 involved in a fixed fight by his trainer.  His padding had been removed from his glove before the fight and cement was placed around the outside gauze of his knuckles.  Plus he was given an enhancer in his water.  Between him and his trainer, it cost the life of an upcoming star.

The devil plays dirty!!!

The devil is :

  • A liar
  • A murderer
  • A sower of discord
  • An adversary
  • Cunning
  • Wicked
  • Malignant – Totally Evil
  • Cowardly
  • A tempter
  • A thief
  • Without principles
  • Proud
  • Deceitful
  • Fierce and cruel
  • Aggressive
  • A destroyer

“For this purpose the Son of God was manifested that he might destroy the works of the devil.”

Your marriage has victory over the devil in Jesus name!

God never uses the devils work to deal with us.

God deals with us on a higher level.

“…neither give place to the devil…”

Paul is saying, “Keep the doors closed!!”

Gen.4:7 “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted?  And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door.”

God was warning Cain that satan was crouched at his door just waiting to control his life.  Cain chose to let jealousy in and ended up murdering his brother.

Eccles.10:8 “…and whose breaketh an hedge, a serpent shall bite him.”

Hedges were planted around houses to keep out dangerous snakes.

Don’t leave spiritual hedges open or you will be bitten!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LISTEN, LEARN, AND LIVE

23 Nov

LISTEN, LEARN, AND LIVE

ALTHOUGH I’VE NEVER HEARD anyone actually ask the question, there are times when I know couples wonder, “What was God thinking when He brought the two of us together?”

Actually, I encourage spouses to pursue this line of thought.  If they do, they might find some relief for their marital troubles.  And I’m not kidding!

God says through Isaiah, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways’, says the Lord.  “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts” (55:8,9).

God’s thoughts and ways are different from yours, but He wants to make them accessible to you—for your benefit and His glory.  So if you’re wondering, “What was God thinking?”, then I encourage you to labor to find out.  God wants you to learn to think His thoughts after Him, to discover and to walk in His ways.

“But how do I do that?” you wonder.

It’s simple, really.  You train yourself to listen to God in His Word, “Oh, that My people would listen to Me, that Israel would walk in My ways!” (Ps.81:13).  That’s it!  Listen, learn, and live.  In the process, you just may understand what God was thinking when He brought you and your mate together!  His ways are not our ways.

NOTE:  This article was written by Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

22 Nov

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER   

Question #1:  What can I do to rekindle my wife’s desire for romance?

Answer #1:  Use the following top ten list as a place to start.

10.  Hold Hands.  Hold hands while driving, walking, sitting in church, or talking in bed.

9.   Give her a massage.  Give foot rubs, back rubs, neck rubs, or a body massage.

8.   Serve her.  Remember the common courtesies:  opening the door, pulling out a chair for her, etc.

7.   Give her a kiss.  Nibble on the back of her ear or her neck, or just kiss her before leaving for work.

6.   Walk together.  As a couple, go for a walk in the early morning, after dinner, or as the sun sets.

5.   Write something romantic.  Leave notes, letters, poems, cards. and other romantic written messages where she’ll find them.

4.  Go out on a date.  A weekly date without the kids can be a lifesaver.

3.  Prepare a meal.  Have a quiet meal together with candlelight, linger over breakfast, or go on a picnic.

2.   Touch her tenderly.  Use nonsexual touch: hold her, hug her, cuddle with her,  or place an arm around her in public.

1.   Give her flowers.  Deliver, hand-pick, or bring home a single rose.  Tulips are a great second choice!

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

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