LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT

Marriage is not a private experiment,littered with prenuptial agreements and an attitude of “Try it! If it doesn’t work, I can always bailout.”   Marriage is not a convenient relationship based upon “What’s in it for me?”  Marriage is not some kind of social contract, something you do only “for as long as you both shall love.”

Marriage is a sacred, lifetime covenant between one man and one woman and their God.    It is a public vow of how you will relate to your spouse as you form a new family unit.  And any covenant, including the marriage covenant, is a binding, weighty obligation.

Deut.23:23 says, “That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth.  In Proverbs we read, “It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy, and after words to reconsider his vows” (20:25).  Jesus said that, “every idle word that men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment” (Matt.12:36).

Our culture no longer takes marriage seriously, but these verses all proclaim the unchanging truth: God takes the wedding covenant and the vows that we make to one another very seriously.

NOTE:  This was taken from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

WIVES MAKE OR BREAK THEIR SPOUSE

A wife holds great power to make or break her spouse.

Your husbands name is IMPORTANT to him and you need to respect it.

Respect means to consider worthy of high regard; to refrain from interfering.

Respect is both an ATTITUDE and a way of acting and talking.

Do you respect your husband by giving him honor in word and deed?

This would be honoring and recognizing that your spouse has RIGHTS as a husband.

One of those rights is to not do anything that will shame him.

Disrespect and ridicule dishonors your spouse and DEMEANS him.

A wife is commanded to respect her husband.

Eph.5:33 “…The wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Jesus respected his parents even though they were uneducated, common people living a humble life.

Jesus showed respect to little children, lepers, tax collectors, those controlled by demons and for prostitutes.

If your creator can show respect for everyone, whom do you think you are to show disrespect to your spouse?

When you invited Christ into your life, the power of the Holy Spirit was given to you so you can show respect to your spouse and others whom you may feel DON’T deserve it.

1Pet.2:17 “Honor all people (including spouse), love the brotherhood.  Fear God.  Honor the king.”

You respect your spouses name when you respect his property.

Your spouse deserves the right to own and use the things he has WORKED for.

Showing disrespect to your spouse’s property often results in stealing.

Jesus said that he always did what honored his father.

We need to do what always honors our husband.

Behind every great man is an admiring and respecting woman.

A husband usually doesn’t rise above the level at which a wife respects him.

Lift your spouse to the next level that you both deserve to be on.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SECRET WEAPON FOR SPOUSES

The expression you wear on your face for your spouse is far more important than the clothes you wear to look nice.

Prov.15:13 “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance…”

Smiling makes you more attractive to your spouse.

It is better than walking into your house looking like you are in a  ZOMBIE-like state!

Your spouse will be drawn to your smiling face because people want to figure out what is so good.

Your smile draws your spouse IN.

Smiling lifts the face and makes you appear younger.

It takes more ENERGY to ignore and pretend to be very serious, than it is to smile at your beloved.

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.

Prov.17:22 “A merry heart is good medicine but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

Smiling relieves stress because it prevents us from looking tired and overwhelmed.

STRESS can really show up in our faces.

Your immune function improves possibly because your more relaxed if you smile.

When you smile, it is a NATURAL drug.

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin.  These three make us feel better.

When you smile at your spouse, it makes you more APPROACHABLE.

Your smile is welcoming and your spouse will be more at ease around you.

Your smile to your spouse can be CONTAGIOUS.

Be completely pleased to see your spouse.

It can change your spouse’s mood after a long hard day and it doesn’t cost you anything.

Your secret weapon is your SMILE!!

Smile – it’s the next best thing you can do with your lips.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GENUINELY BE INTERESTED IN YOUR SPOUSE

There are ways to make your spouse like you and one of them is to be genuinely interested in them.

Morning, noon and night your spouse is interested in HIMSELF.

Phil.2:4 “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  KJV

“Look out for the interest of others and not only for your own personal interest.”  NSB (New Simplified Bible)

Statistics show that it is easier for you to make your spouse a friend in two months by becoming genuinely interested in him than you can in two years trying to get him interested in you.

Spouses, it’s alright to do things for your SPOUSE that requires your time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Listen to what your spouse likes and take them a gift of something they will enjoy.

Listen for CLUES of what your spouse is interested on and initiate a conversation on the topic of his interests.

If you want to know what your spouse is interested in, have a Bar-B-Q and invite your spouse’s friends.  Listen to their conversation and you will learn their favorite topics.

In Meriden, Connecticut, a survey was done to see what subjects adults were most interested in studying.

The result of the study was that their first interest was Health.

The Second interest was in people:

How to understand and get along with people;

How to make people like you; and

How to win others to your way of thinking.

The authors sole purpose of his survey and book was to help readers discover, develop and profit from their physical and mental resources that are dormant and unused assets.

CASE AND POINT:  There was a time in my marriage when I felt like I didn’t have anything of interest to contribute in trying to open communication with my husband.  I decided that the only way I can have a conversation that would prompt his interest was to ask a question on one of his favorite topics.  When I did that, he opened up and kept talking.  I felt like I had really accomplished something in our marriage.

This may seem very hard and strange at first because it takes us out of our “comfort zone.”

It stretches us to talk on a subject that we not only know nothing about but we are also not interested in it at all.

God will bless your EFFORTS.

Anything you do to improve your marriage, the Holy Spirit will get in the middle and anoint it.

It has happened to me over and over again.

Marriage isn’t for babies, it’s for adults.

You will get on the ground and play with a silly toy just to bond with your child and see a smile on their face, yet you don’t take the time to make conversation on a topic your spouse loves.

What are you WAITING for?

I’m glad I didn’t wait.

Don’t lose out on this daily opportunity that won’t come back again because of your PRIDE.

Just ask a widow!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SEEKING MARITAL HARMONY IN CHAOS

There will always be conflict in your marriage, your family, your workplace and in your church.

Chaos doesn’t create a marital relationship where you can safely express your FEELINGS.

In Proverbs, God states that he hates disunity

Prov.6:16-19 “…the Lord hates…he that soweth discord among brethren.”

Prov.10:12 “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”

A spouse that hates, makes a bad situation worse.

Wicked actions from a spouse can SOW discord when they disrupt the harmony, unity and peace within a marriage.

A chord in music is any harmonic set of two-three or more notes that is heard as if sounding simultaneously.

Music was first created in heaven.

Harmony is a must in music in order for the sound of every note to be heard as one.

God uses that same principle in our marriage.

When you stir up your passions AGAINST your spouse, you are alienating affections from your spouse.

Take every opportunity to promote unity and agreement.

God loves UNITY in a marriage.

Matt.5:9  “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

If “…blessed are the peacmakers”, then CURSED are the peace-breakers.

If peacemakers are the children of God, then peace breakers are the children of the devil.

Rom.16:17 “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”

Are you a spouse that is willing to disrupt peace in your home in order to accomplish an evil desire?

The bible not only tells us God HATES discord but to not have anything to do with them as if they were witches or murderers.

Deut.27:24 “Cursed be he that smiteth his neighbor secretly…”

The enemy will tell you that you have wasted seven years married to the wrong person.

Being married to someone for seven years is not a waste of time; it is an INVESTMENT in your future.

The more you invest, you will get a return on your investment.

WHY?  Because God is a giver!

You serve a God who sees everything and “He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.”

“Where there is envy and strife, there is confusion and every evil work”.  (Jas.3:16)

EVERY EVIL WORK!!

Do you really want to be an initiator of “every evil work?”

Become a peacemaker right now!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

REMOVING SCORPIONS FROM YOUR MARRIAGE

How can we make right decisions if we are ignorant of the facts involved?

We CAN NOT!!

That is why when God told us the things that He hates he said a “lying tongue.”

In Proverbs, God added to that another element of lying.

Prov.6:16-19 “… the Lord hates…a false witness that speaks lies…”

Here we see a specific type of lying—a false witness.

A false witness is a person who commits PERJURY, accusing an innocent person of something that they didn’t do.

Judges make decisions that effect people’s lives–many times dramatically.

If judges receive lies by witnesses, how can they render a JUST decision?

Truthful evidence is what judges depend on to be given to them.

The ninth commandment states ,“You shall not bear false witness.” Ex.20:16

False witness about your spouse has sins that bring strong disapproval:

First, Your words

Speaking things that are not true.

Psa. 12:22 “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.”

Second, Being a witness

Being a false witness for someone else.

Isa.5:23 “…who acquit the guilty for a bribe, but deny justice to the innocent.”

Third, Swearing to something that isn’t true.

Being a false witness against another.

“Devil is…the accuser of the brethren…”

Have you ever told someone something that your husband did or said but it was not true at all?

Have you ever told a “white lie” to your spouse to cover up for one of your children or siblings?

Have you ever sided against your spouse, swearing that they did something which they were not guilty of?

This type of false witness hurts and offends a minimum of THREE people: the person slandered, the person’s soul who is giving a false report, and the person (or persons) getting the false report.

This is like the venom from a scorpion.

INFORMATION:  There is a dangerous scorpion breed known as “Death Stalker Scorpions.”  This type of scorpion carries the most potent venom.  Androctonus Australis scorpion is the cause of many human deaths.  Most of these fatalities occur in the elderly, the sick, and the youngsters.

When we justify being a false witness about our spouse, we are injecting venom that is carried right into their “life line.”

This will bring death to a marriage faster than you can blink.

False witnessing usually occurs during DIVORCE proceedings.

In Mal.2:16, it is said that divorce bring in a spirit of “violence.”

That means that when you are in a divorce, you will have the temptation to bring a “false witness” against your spouse.

This is a death sentence on all who are involved especially children.

There are NO WINNERS.

Let the Holy Spirit put a guard over your mouth.

Never think because it is your husband that you can do and say what YOU want.

You are to be their “companion”, not their venomous scorpion.

The Holy Spirit desires to do a deep cleaning and restoration in your marriage.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

MAKING DECISIONS TOGETHER

(The following article was taken from the Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)

Early in our marriage, Barbara and I resolved that we would always make decisions together, and if at all possible, we would strive to agree with each other before making an important choice.  The only exception would occur when we reached an impasse after much discussion and prayer.  In that case, I would have the responsibility, as the head of our home, to decide the matter, and whatever happened as a result of following the course of action that I chose, I would assume full responsibility for the outcome.

Some husbands might think (erroneously) that it words best to pull rank with their headship and force their wives to submit to their decisions.  This foolish action violates scripture  and it demeans a wife.  God’s blueprints for marriage teaches that each spouse makes the other complete.  Paul made this very clear, “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.”  (1Cor.11:11). We need each other.

Why would anyone knowingly choose to ignore the other in decision-making?  Two heads really are better than one!  It’s important to realize that she may know something you don’t.  And when is it ever wise to ignore critical information?

On the other hand, some in the Christian community hold that there is no head of the home–a role-less marriage–and that a husband and a wife should share in all decisions equally.  Yet there will be times when you don’t agree, even after days of discussion, prayer, and carefully listening to each other.  In a role-less marriage, who decides, especially on a major decision?

The structure of  responsibility and authority established by God in the home addresses this dilemma.  God’s structure doesn’t limit life for us, but enables us to experience life to the fullest, the way He designed it.  As you will someday experience with your children, structure, boundaries, and rules provide the protection and security that bring freedom, not bondage.

Barbara and I make a lot of decisions every day.  We have learned to consult each other on those decisions where we know that both of us need to talk before making a final decision.  And in that case, as I said, I bear the responsibility for the decision, both the good and the bad.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to assist you in making your marriage a success.

SATURDAY Q & A

Question #1.

What practical steps can we take to make sure busyness doesn’t take a toll on our romantic relationship?

Answer #1.

First, be still and know that He is God (Psa.46:10).  Start by stopping.  Begin by listening.  Take time to pray and listen to God.  And then spend time thinking and evaluating.  Plan a date or two with your husband to reevaluate your schedules, your romance, and your marriage.

Second, decide what you value.  God has made abundantly clear in His Word what He values.  Make a priority list.  What will you fight for, and what will both of you fight for?

Third, set important guidelines for yourself and your family.

Fourth, honestly evaluate your need for all the extra things in life.  I know how easy it is to get busy with fixing my house, getting things for my kids, and finding the best bargain.  It’s not wrong unless it leaves me stressed, exhausted, and unable to engage with my husband.  It’s a question of the important versus the urgent.

Stress and exhaustion in parenting are normal.  While you can’t eliminate them, they can be managed by evaluating your level of busyness and your lifestyle choices.  Simplifying life is the best way to reduce these robbers of romance.

NOTE:  The following question and answer was an article in “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help encourage you to have a successful marriage.

ROADRUNNERS DON’T STOP FOR SIGNALS

The word “mischief” means a reckless behavior that causes discomfort or annoyance in others.

This kind of behavior is laid out in the bible as something that God hates.

Prov.6:16-18 “…the Lord hates…feet that be swift in running to mischief”

This describes a person who is quick and without forethought to sin.

Prov.1:16 “For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.”

If your heart is full of mischievous vapors and fumes, the Holy Spirit will be grieved.

This is entering into EVIL with plenty of energy and eagerness.

CASE AND POINT: There is a cartoon called the “roadrunner”.  As kids, everyone loved it because the roadrunner almost always got away.  He out ran Wile E. Coyote.  He would play tricks on the coyote and then take off and was hard to be caught.  The roadrunners feet were so fast that one second he was there and the next he was gone.

Don’t be lured and entrapped into sinful activity against your spouse.

Do you have a heart that is INCLINED toward evil instead to toward God?

Jesus feet literally took Him from town to town to heal and let people know the kingdom of God was available to them.  (Matt.4:23)

If you run to mischief against your spouse, it will give you a temporary high but in the end it will be the beginning of your DESTRUCTION.

The Apostle Paul wrote that Jesus came so that we too would be “zealous to do good deeds.”  (Titus 2:14)

When you are zealous in “good deeds” toward your spouse, this is a way to express your love to God with a whole heart.

God hates feet that run rapidly to evil.

God made your feet so that you would desire to use them to do GOOD deeds towards others, including your spouse.

If you have sinned in the past towards your spouse, then turn away and run away!

Stop the RECKLESS behavior that causes discomfort and annoyances in your household.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

A FATAL MARRIAGE PLAN

Our God is a God that “hates.”  With God, hate is good.

God hates sin!

In Proverbs and Psalms he lists things he hates.

One of them is in Prov. 6:18 “…the Lord hates…a heart that devises wicked imagination…”

God does watch your heart and your thoughts concerning your spouse.

Remember that the heart is the “command and control” center of a person.

Being caught up in sin “in a moment” is one thing; but it’s another thing when you plot and scheme about what type of wickedness to do to someone.

In the Old Testament, premeditated sins were judged harshly compared to sins committed in the passion of the moment. (Joshua 20).

CASE AND POINT:  There was a story about a wife who ran over her husband’s girlfriend.  This story was all over the news.  What made this story hit all the news stations was the type of woman she was.  She was a wonderful gentle woman.  Everyone who knew her said they had never seen her mad.  She was a very elegant and loving woman.   Well then what happened.  She had been married to her husband for over ten years and had a teenage stepdaughter.  She loved them both and devoted her life to caring for their needs.  She received a call that her husband was having an affair and if she wanted to catch him, she should go to a certain hotel.  The person told her that her husband and his girlfriend had been in the room for quite a while but if she came quickly, she would catch them coming out.  She did not believe it was true but she put her step-daughter in the car and headed for the hotel.  As she pulled into the parking lot, her husband crossed with the girl.  She ran over him twice and killed him with his daughter screaming in the car.  At the trial, her step-daughter testified on her behalf.  She told the court that the woman who ran over her dad in the car is not the woman who her stepmother is.  She told the court that her stepmother was overcome with shock and anger.  The wife cried and said she was so sorry and can’t live with the horror of what she did.  I remember wanting the jury to let her go because I felt many women would have done the same thing under those circumstances.  However, murder is murder and I could not justify it if it were one of my family members.  She was sentenced to prison.

What lowered this woman’s sentence was that she did not premeditate it.

She did not have a history of anger and wicked ACTIONS.

Do you have a history of being angry with your spouse?

Do you pursue things that will be DESTRUCTIVE to your spouse?

Remember that if you do, it will also affect others that are around him.

The outcome will affect you as well.

Jesus’ entire mission was a heart that devised plans that would bring BLESSINGS.

Your mission as a spouse needs to be a heart of love, prayer and encouragement.

God loves a heart that ponders RIGHTEOUSNESS, but he hates a heart that devises wickedness.

Which heart best identifies you as a spouse?

RIGHTEOUSNESS OR WICKEDNESS?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.