LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

CHASTITY KEEPS FROM BLASPHEMING GOD

A Christian wife is to be true to her husband in mind, heart and in her actions.

“…be chaste…that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Chastity is a must in our lives in order not to blaspheme the word of God.

In the Greek, the word “chaste” is HAGNOS.  It means modest, clean, pure and perfect.

Modesty is a healthy sense of shame in what you say, do, or how you dress as not to cause a man to lust.

Many expose themselves to FATAL temptations by an action that at first might seem like a little indiscretion.

Remember that we serve a God who is into detail.

If you are in doubt as to something you are about to do, or say, or wear, ASK  God.

Prov.2:11 “Discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you from the evil way.”

Discretion is to know how to avoid embarrassment or distress; also judging wisely.

In 1Tim.2:9 the Apostle Paul says, “I want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

Paul wasn’t criticizing trendy fashions, he was letting them know that the more important thing is glorifying God with their dress and deeds.

1Pet.3:3-4 “Your beauty…should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

The bible has elaborate descriptions of seductive power of sexual temptations.

1Cor.6:18 “Flee from sexual immortality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

These are important warnings and we should not take them lightly.

Better yet, we should not be tempting the opposite sex with IMMODEST behavior.

Lets look at the eternal punishment that God has placed in his word for us to learn.

In Rev.21:8 the “sexually immoral” are placed with the cowardly, the unbelieving, and the murderers, who will be cast into the lake of fire at the end of the age.

Once again, God is a God of detail.

Just like the craftsman who carved out the details in the tabernacle to the specifications of God, God has done for us through His word.

He didn’t put it there for a nice READ.

He put it there to change our life and keep us from eternal damnation.

Don’t BLASPHEME  God’s word!!

Be pure, moral and chaste.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

WITHOUT SENSIBILITY YOU BLASPHEME GOD 

In the book of Titus we are told that if we are not discreet or sensible, that we blaspheme Gods word.

You may not INTENTIONALLY want to blaspheme Gods word, but there may be times that you do, especially in your marriage.

That is why it is important for us to read Gods word daily so that we have wisdom and guidance to live according to His word.

“Be discreet…that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:4

The word “discreet” is SOPHRON.  SOZO means “save”.  PHREN means “mind”.

So discreet means “a saved mind.”

The Apostle Paul is telling us wives that we had better have a “saved mind” or we will blaspheme Gods word and that will bring destruction to our marriage.

Your saved mind should lead to right thinking and right decisions.

A “saved mind” leads to right living and a healthy marriage.

You should avoid extremes.

It is easy for us to “Minor on the majors, and major on the minors.”

In other words, we can easily make a big deal out of nothing and totally avoid issues that can destroy our spouse.

Wrong outlook LEADS to wrong outcome.

Do you have the right outlook on your ministry at home?

Can we ASK your husband and children?

Can we ask your in-laws and co-workers?

If you are a sensible (discreet) Christian wife, you will be in control of your mind.

Don’t allow distractions to gain your attention and push out your spouse.

Know your priorities and be DEVOTED to them.

Place your spouse in your priorities.

I will give you some assistance.  Your spouse should come right after God on your priority LIST.

Avoid things that are foolish and unproductive.

Ask God to help you by going into the “secret places” in your heart.

Self-control is what is needed.

We demand our children to use self-control and we DON’T do the same.

On a daily basis, our “SELF” produces desires that should be denied.

Luke 9:23 tells us we should “deny self.”

Luke 13:24 says, “…strive to enter through the narrow door…”

The Greek word for strive is “agonizesthe” which has the word “agonize” in it.

Are you agonizing to be discreet, sensible and self-denying to your spouse?

How can you produce “self-control” in your life?

Let’s see what God’s word says.

“The grace of God has appeared…instructing us to deny worldly desires.” Titus 2:11

Rather than agonizing in our shame, let’s agonize to deny ourselves and become a better spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage to be a success.

BAIT SATAN USES

Satan uses bait to get us into his pit of unforgiveness.

Just like fisherman use different bait for different kinds of fish, the ENEMY knows what to use on each and every one of us.

Do we have a chanceagainst his strategies that have worked for centuries?

NO!  But Jesus has made a way for us.

He has left us His word and His precious Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance.

What does God’s word say?!?

1Pet.3:9 “Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.”

The word “reviling”  in the Greek means SLANDER.

Paul is talking to married people.

These people Paul is talking to consider themselves victimized, oppressed, mishandled, harassed, violated, defiled, imposed upon wrongly, debased and humiliated.

In spite of how they feel being violated by their spouse, he still tells them not to slander their mate.

“Slander” is one of the things God hates.

Luke 17:1  “Then said He unto His disciples, it is impossible that no offenses will come…”

This is a warning, we will definitely be offended by our spouses at some time or another.

God is trying to give us insight because satan will use bait as an opportunity to receive God’s “divine power”.

Are you listening??????   Listen up!!!

Verse 17 is giving you insight and your not listening??  Why??

The enemy plays for keeps and he is dying to trap your marriage and destroy your destiny.

The enemy is paying ATTENTION how about you?

How do you forgive insult and injury?

This is your opportunity to receive Gods “divine power.”

Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ on the cross.

FORGIVENESS IS POWER!!

Nothing takes more “divine power” than forgiving someone including your spouse.

Forgiveness is the ability to withstand the gates of hell.

That is why verse 9 calls it a “Blessing” to forgive.

Bitterness and unforgiveness must be dealt with all the way to the root or they will spring up over and over again.

Forgiveness is God’s “divine power” being manifested through you.

It’s your choice.  BAIT or “divine power”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

MASTERING MARITAL RESENTMENT

The words resentment and bitterness in the Greek refer to poison.

Resentment is poisonous to your physical health and your mental health.

You can’t build your happiness on your spouse’s unhappiness.

God’s word tells us exactly what to do with “resentment.”

Eph.4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and anger, along with every form of malice.”

I hope you got the message spouses!!??!!

Get rid of it!

Take responsibility for your own actions with the part you played and stop blaming your spouse for everything!

Resentment destroys everyone around you including yourself.

Heb.12:15 “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Psychologist Dr. Archibald Hart in his book, “Helping Children Survive Divorce” states that psychology by itself does not have a solution.  He states that only the GOSPEL OF CHRIST is capable of healing the deepest human hurt at its very root.

Resentments destructive power comes from several sources:

• Resentment never Forgets.

Resentment best fits our “lower nature.”  (animal nature)

We enjoy resentment because it feeds self-pity.

• Resentment exaggerates all subsequent hurts.
• Resentment destroys happiness and prevents contentment.

If we were left to our own devices we would self-destruct.

• Resentments cure is revenge.

Steps to defuse the destructive power of resentment:

• Dispose of your need for Revenge.
• Declare your forgiving spirit to your spouse who has hurt you.
• Deliberately turn your resentment into kindness.

Confess the sin of unforgiveness.

Allow the Holy Spirit to fill and control your life.

When the Holy Spirit is in control, this is the fruit it produces.

• Love and joy pushes all bitterness out.
• Peace will come into your soul.
• Longsuffering will deal with bitterness and any other problems.
• Gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance are fruits of righteousness.

CASE AND POINT:  I have faults, but one of them is not to be bitter or hold resentment.  I get angry then get over it and forget it.  That is part of my nature.  When my spouse does something and I am feeling very hurt and resentful, I feel ugly inside.  I know that my actions are hurting God.  The last thing I want to do is to quench the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is all I have in life.  I don’t want to do anything that hurts God.  This is the key that helps and guides my actions.

If you love God, you will not want to hurt your spouse because it hurts God.

Once again, you cannot build your happiness on your spouses unhappiness.

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A PROBLEM, HE IS YOUR PRIORITY!!

ARGUMENTS LEAD TO BREAK-UPS 

Quarrels center in a desire for recognition, honor, power, pleasure, money and superiority.

It is a selfish act that DESTROYS children for life and leaves the possibility for a break-up.

A study of children six years after the breakup of their parents showed that even after all that time, these children still suffered from unhappiness, insecurity, loneliness and anxiety.  (Journal of American academy of child and adolescent Psychiatry 1991 by Wallerstein)

James 4:1-3 “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.  You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasure.”

Arguing is narcissism.  It is an exceptional interest and admiration for yourself.

The single best measure of being emotionally healthy and being a grownup is the capacity for bilateral (2-sided) listening.

There are two speakers and they both count.

Instead of listening to your spouses point of view, your ANGER continues to get the better of you.

You speak with resentment that you know you will regret later.

Does your spouse’s concern count as much as YOUR concern counts?

Only after you have heard the opposing side should you feel free to speak yourself.

“…lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19 MSG

Even though this verse is difficult to heed to, this is VITAL for a healthy marriage.

If so, what is your level of maturity?

With one being low and ten being high, what level are you on?

If you give your spouse a chance, it will lead to a much more constructive conversation.

Before a marital confrontation, three things are REQUIRED to make it productive.

First humility: “By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life.”

Second is Compromise:  You need a WIN-WIN situation.  You both need to give in and you both need to get something.

Third is Dialogue:  He talks, you listen.  She talks, you listen.

Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

 Prov. 15:4 “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.”

This is saying that viciousness kills life.

Do you want to KILL your marriage?

Well, you are!!!

Every time you argue and don’t show humility, or compromise and listening you have brought a breach into your marriage.

Your words cannot be put back into your mouth.

You have said enough things in your marriage that you wish you hadn’t.

Do you want to add more??

The choice is yours.

CHOOSE LIFE, NOT DEATH!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

DON’T FORGET THE LAUGHTER

Did you know that laughter can cure the disease of self-importance?

It’s hard to puff yourself up to weather-balloon size if you deflate yourself with a good prick of self-directed humor!

How many laughs are you having–and how many at your own expense?

God commanded His ancient people to enjoy a regular “day of…gladness” and sealed its importance with the reminder, “I am the Lord your God” (Num.10:10).

Before the wedding ceremony, couples should have a bold objective for their first year of marriage, “We will be found guilty of having too much fun rather than too little fun.”

That’s not a bad objective for any year of marriage!

Courtship usually entails joy and romance and laughter, but this joy can quickly dry up after marriage.

After we get married, our focus splinters in many directions, especially after children come along.

That’s why we need to make it a priority in marriage to find ways to participate in the fun, laugh-generating antics we did when we first dated.

That requires us to flee from the television, telephone, and computer, in order to focus on each other.

Find the time to laugh and seek to please each other.

NOTE:  This article was from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.

My parents lost custody of me when I was a young child.  I am now married with two children but find myself neglecting my husband to spend time with my kids.  We both work and when I get home, I am so busy with dinner, and household chores.  I neglect to spend quality time with my husband.  Lately we have been arguing constantly and I know it’s because he doesn’t feel that we get enough time together.  I feel my childhood plays a big role in our life because I want my children to have more than I did growing up.  I fail to realize that I have a husband that requires so much of me as well.  My question is, how do I balance everything out and be able to spend that quality time we both want as well as not feeling guilty about not spending so much quality time with my children?

Answer #1.  

There are many different ways of handling this.  The best would be for you to be honest with your observation to your husband.  Let him know you know he has been neglected.  This will touch his heart more than anything to know that God has shown this to you and that you are prepared to rectify it.  You can’t go backwards, but you can promise him it will never happen again.  He can be a part of the solution and help you solve it.

I will make some suggestions that you might be able to implement into your lifestyle.  Try to have a date night at least twice a month.  The more children you have, the more date nights you need.  Don’t take the kids with you on these date nights.  In order not to feel guilty, have a great family night with the kids the day before.

Do not cook every night.  Have a pizza night so you don’t have to cook and clean up.  Cook something that will last two nights.  If you are a perfectionist at housework, don’t be.  Let some things go.

The best thing that you can do for your kids is to give them their dad.  If he leaves the family because of neglect, your children will grow up miserable.  Set your priorities.

Arguing takes two and also takes pride.  Humble yourself.  Listen to your husbands concerns.  It is the only way you can feel fulfilled as a helpmeet.

I have to listen to wives every day who wish they could do it all over again.  They are left with children who are fatherless and regrets.  You are blessed to be able to turn the whole situation around.  Don’t wait till it is too late.

Now is the time!

A STRONG MARRIAGE NEEDS KNOWLEDGE

Every Sunday morning, thousands of preachers present polished gems—sermons filled with outstanding biblical knowledge.  But what do we usually do?  After the message, we dutifully sing a song, listen to a prayer, and hustle out by noon.

Where do we take the time to assimilate what we’ve heard?  Too often we gather up the kids, grab a bite to eat, and launch into our Sunday afternoon routine.

Even Balaam, a non-Israelite prophet who apparently really did hear from God, understood the importance of acquiring “the words of God, and…the knowledge of the Most High” (Num.24:16).  Such knowledge is more than mere information—it’s a knowledge that results in convictions and applications.  It’s a truly teachable spirit that applies God’s truth and blueprints amidst the raw realities of life.

Many of us need accountability in order to apply what we’ve learned.  We need someone who will break through our self-built fences and our crowded loneliness and ask us if we are applying to our marriages what we’ve learned from God’s Word in our marriage and family relationships.  Do you have a friend who regularly checks up on you?

Balaam, by the way, didn’t  have such an accountability partner– and he wound up on the sharp side of a Hebrew sword (see Josh.13:22).  Learn from his mistake!

NOTE:  This was an article from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

HUSBAND GAINS UNATTRACTIVE WEIGHT

This question was taken from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question:

What can a woman do when her husband gains an unattractive amount of weight?

Answer:  

An important ingredient of any marriage is the need for husbands and wives to please each other.  Obviously, no husband can lose weight overnight; but if he is seeking to please his wife, then he can make an effort to look sharp and attractive.

Pray that the Lord would grant you opportunities to express how you feel in a gentle and supportive way.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help.  Ask God to help you avoid bitterness toward your husband.  Don’t become preoccupied with the negative, but give him some grace, and love him.

Remember as well that while weight does matter, other issues are more important than external appearance.  Ask God to help you focus on the things that matter most–your husband’s spiritual maturity and his leadership of the family and the marriage, character, faithfulness at work and at home.

If the relationship is healthy  and he is meeting your needs and encouraging you and loving you, and you are focusing on what is most important, I think the old statement, “Love is blind,” is true.  Weight issues don’t  have to get in the way.

MARITAL RELATIONSHIP RULE #1

Do you find that many times when your spouse says something to you, you lose control, and say something out of line?

Instead of listening to your spouse’s point of view, you let your anger speak out of resentment, only to REGRET every word later on.

God knows that these occasions will happen from time to time.

He has the ANSWER in His word.

“…let each one of you (husbands) also must love his own wife as himself, and so the wife must respect her husband.”

This verse is the summary statement of the greatest treatise on marriage in the New Testament.

One of the greatest books on marriage is “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich.  This book is a must for every marriage.

Without LOVE,  the wife reacts without RESPECT.

Without RESPECT, the husband reacts without LOVE.

In Emerson’s book he calls this the “Crazy Cycle”.

The wife tells herself that she is not going to treat her husband  with respect till he shows her love by doing what she wants.

Then, the husband tells HIMSELF that he is not going to love her by doing what she wants till she starts treating him with respect.

They go around and around and around with neither one pleasing their spouse.

It may sound silly, but it is not FUNNY at all.

It happens in every marriage and it is a marriage killer.

Pride sets in and now every one  is stuck on “STUPID!”

Does that sound familiar?????  Of course it does.

It only takes one partner to get off the “Crazy Cycle” and the cycle stops.

My husband does not like to argue.

However, there are times that we do argue about ISSUES.

I make it a point every day to be the one to get off the “Crazy Cycle.”

If I feel the conversation is starting to get out of control and neither one of us is listening anymore, we are both talking, I choose to stop.

If you love God and care about your marriage, GET OFF THE CRAZY CYCLE..

You have a choice and you cannot blame anyone else for the chaos in your marriage.

My CHOICE is to respect my husband even if he is not showing love by doing what I ask.

Every day I get off the “crazy cycle.”

What about you??

STAYING  STUPID??!?!?

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.