LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

FORWARD MARCH –

Peace Starts With ME!

In the Lords Prayer one of the issues that was dealt with is the way we deal with other people and that includes our spouse.

Matt.6:14 “  If we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

This verse is telling us that there is a condition that has been established

That condition is that your spouse must be forgiven for all offensives and it has to start with YOU!

You cannot make the excuse that you are waiting for your spouse to ask for forgiveness or an apology.

God is waiting for you to FORWARD MARCH!

You must FORGIVE first!

I saw a cartoon of a man at a card shop.  He was buying a card for his wife.  He asked the salesperson,  “Do you have a card that stops short of saying, ‘I’m sorry’ yet vaguely hints of some wrongdoing?”

This is not showing forgiveness!

Forgiveness can’t change the past but it does broaden the future.

 Is forgiveness a choice or is it just a state of your emotions?

*  Forgiveness is a choice made by your will.

*  God commands that your obedience to him must produce forgiveness   to others.

If you are blaming your spouse because you cannot forgive them, remember that it is a choice of your will.

By dwelling on past hurts you take away quality to have  a satisfying marital life.

Corrie Ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you!”

CASE AND POINT:  Kris Bowie, one of our pastor’s wives on staff, joins me as we both go and speak into Los Angeles County Jail for the women together.  The presence of God is so powerful in the jail for these women.  Even though it is the most fulfilling areas of ministry that we have, it is still heartbreaking to walk out and see that these precious women we just ministered to are still prisoners.

I can’t imagine how God must feel when he has ministered to us about our marriages and given us clear direction of what he expects of us as spouses then we turn around, and won’t forgive them.

God forgives us and sets us free and because we won’t forgive, we put ourselves back to live in our own prison.

WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!

What a blow to your marital life.

Let peace reign in your life not bitterness.

FORWARD MARCH – spouses!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help you have a successful marriage.

THE LAW OF UNDERSTANDING

When Joseph’s brothers came from Canaan to Egypt seeking food in the midst of the famine, they had to use and interpreter to communicate with their brother.  There have been times in our marriage when Barbara and I have needed someone to interpret for us so we can truly understand each other!  Understanding is not merely a transfer of information, but an empathy for the other person based on what he or she communicated with you.  Barbara and I have found understanding to be essential in building each other’s self-image.  We are continually seeking to comprehend the context of each other’s lives, the kind of context that helps to explain our self-image, our behavior, and our attitudes.

Applying the Law of Understanding will give you the right to be heard by your mate.  If he or she senses that you truly understand– or at least desire to understand–then your suggestions and attempts to build into your mate will be better received.

The next time your mate expresses a concern, ask if he or she feels that you understand it.  Practice listening with a sympathetic ear, and look beyond the response to its cause.  What has occurred into your mate’s life that contributes to this present attitude?  Which pressure today may be crushing your mate’s self-confidence?

Proverbs 24:3 reads, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.”  And 1Peter 3:7 teaches husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding.  As we give each other the gift of understanding , we build a stronger, healthier marriage that endures.

NOTE:  Tomorrows new post will help you in making your marriage a success.

NOTE:  This article was written by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

NOTE:  Todays post will be taken from an article written in the book Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainy.

ROMANCE FAQ

Question #1.  How do I balance being a mother with my first calling as wife?

Answer #1.  Family Life conducted a survey of more than ten thousand couples, asking them to name the culprits that robbed their marriages of romance.  The most commonly mentioned factors were children, stress, fatigue, busyness, misplaced priorities, anger, and unresolved conflict.

In the Bible we find an appropriate name for these romance robbers.  The bride of King Solomon said to him, “Catch us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes” (Song 2:15).

In those days, a wise gardener would protect his vineyard from foxes.  The nocturnal bandits would sneak in during the dead of night and eat the most tender parts of the vine, rendering them fruitless and useless.

The vineyard is like your marriage.  The foxes are the things that sneak up on you and snatch the fruit of passion before it can bloom.  Drop your guard, and they’ll reduce the vineyard of your marriage to a barren, lifeless place where romance shrivels on the vine.

At all costs, protect your marriage!  That must remain first on your priority list.  Children are a gift from God, but your spouse must take precedence.  Never let him feel as though he’s second in your life.

NOTE:  Tomorrows new post will give you hope and encouragement for your marriage.

LOVE IS FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE

NOTE:  The following article is from the book “The Love Dare –  Day by Day” by Kendrick

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines…yet I will triumph in the LORD.”  HAB.3:17-18

Does your love  have a place it will not go beyond?

Even though you willingly promised to love your spouse forever in the soft glow of your wedding ceremony, were you just repeating the script?

Were you like many who, though promising for better or for worse, really only meant “for better”?

You may look from the outside in at other people’s marriages and suppose that many, if not most, have a much easier time than you do.

You may determine that your spouse has brought challenges into your marriage you can no longer tolerate–things you didn’t know or foresee, or perhaps overlooked.

Do not  give up on having true love for your spouse.

Even if much of the feeling and desire has been replaced by resentment and distrust, God is able to grow in you a love that will last.

Unconditional love will give the ability to rise up from the ashes of life’s worst, and be thankful for how the heat of battle has melded your hearts into one.

This Weeks Dare

Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse—

something that proves (to you and to them) that your love

is based on your choice and nothing else.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post of information to make your marriage a success.

LOVE ADMIRES

NOTE:  The following article is from the book The Love Dare Day by Day by Kendrick

“How can we thank God for you in return for all the joy we experience because of you before our God?”  1Thess.3:9

Whether from raw, natural ability or from hard work and training, your spouse is an expert at something, probably several things.

They may be good at building projects, or at handling people, or at calming a tense situation with their peaceful spirit.

They may have a knack for organizing work teams, handling finances,  or graciously hosting a dinner party.

And because you may have known this about them for a long time, it’s been easy letting them fill these roles in your marriage without truly noticing  how good they are at them.

People also tend to have one or more subjects they are very knowledgeable about.

But love never ceases to be amazed at what your spouse can do.

It doesn’t save its admiration only for those at work, at church, or outside the home who can accomplish noteworthy things.

This person you married is exceptional in ways you may have overlooked.

Don’t just utilize them for what they are able to do.

VALUE IT.

HONOR IT.

APPRECIATE IT.

Admire them for it.

This Weeks Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.

Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about.

Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

DON’T LOOSE YOUR CREDIT CARD

Everyone loves a buffet!

There are many REASONS for liking it but the most common ones are that you get a lot of choices, you can have as much of it as you want and no one will stop you.

This is great but thank God we don’t go to a buffet every day or I suspect we would pack the pounds on.

In the Lords prayer in Matt.6:11, Jesus said, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

“Bread” is a symbol word that stands for all our physical needs.

In Elmer Towns book, “Praying the Lord’s Prayer for spiritual breakthrough”, he has a list of five essential facts about our daily needs.

1. We have daily needs.
2. God supplies our needs.
3. We must ask God to supply our needs.
4. Our needs are supplied one day at a time.
5. We don’t have to pray for everything, but we have to pray about everything.

For our physical well-being, we eat, exercise and sleep.

God designed us to have needs in our lives so we would look to him to SUPPLY them.

He made those needs in us so when we stray away from Him, those needs make them turn back to HIM.

He did not create you to be self-sufficient.

Are you the type of person who EXPECTS your spouse to provide your every need?

I have spoke with Christian wives who have told me through the years that their husbands tell them to get a job that makes more money because he wants to buy more.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.”

We want to leave a financial legacy for our children thinking it’s our resources that they need the most.

Ask of God because he may use FINANCES to keep our children focused on him as they grow older.

In the United States, food is plentiful and you may not need to ask.

So why are we given this PATTERN to ask anyway?

Prov.30:9 “Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say who is the Lord? Or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of the Lord in vain.”

One good reason is that God wants you and your spouse to acknowledge that it is Him who is providing for you.

We are commanded to ask for our NEEDS according to Gods will.

The Bible calls the ants “Exceedingly wise” because they do not worry but they prepare.

Prov.30:24-25 “The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer.”

It is all right to prepare but it is sin to worry.

God wants your “shopping list” of needs so don’t rely on your credit cards.

Credit card usage is using up tomorrow’s bread.

Don’t use credit cards unless you are paying them off monthly.

YOU ARE USING TOMORROW’S BREAD AND THAT IS SIN!!

Learn to be content with the finances God has placed in your hand.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have information that will help your marriage to be a success.

SEEK FORGIVENESS…Even if you don’t feel like it.

Forgiveness is a necessary part of life, for the simple reason that “we all stumble in many things” (James 3:2).  When Jacob died, all of Joseph’s older brothers approached him with the plea to forgive their wicked treatment of him so many years before–even though Joseph had long ago forgiven them.  They wanted to be sure.

In a similar way, without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best marriage will be very hard duty.  At worst it will be a disaster.  No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will fail.  With failure comes hurt–and the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.

The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly.  About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt.6:14,15).  His instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be forgivers, and marriage–probably more than any other relationship–presents frequent opportunities to practice.

To forgive means to give up resentment against or relinquish the desire to punish.  By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook.  As a Christian, you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest.  Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged, “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”(Eph.4:32).

The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your spouse are ticked off and angry with each other.  That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, “God, please help me here, I need to move to forgiveness, because you have commanded me to do so.  Please empower me and enable me to give up the right of punishing my spouse and to forgive.”

This took practice early in our marriage, but Barbara and I learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment.  We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely–even when we don’t feel like it.

NOTE:  I AM SO SORRY!!   I forgot to add that this post was taken from an article  in Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  I was out of town and didn’t get back on time to do a post.

Note:  Don’t miss tomorrows post with messages on how to make your marriage a success.

TANTRUMS ARE FOR TWO YEAR OLDS

Everyone expects a child to throw a tantrum during the early years.

Some parents even think it is CUTE.

At age two, you can think it is cute but in an adult it will draw attention.

Unfortunately, what usually causes an adult to throw a tantrum is that they did not get THEIR way.

Once you become an adult, you learn new ways that will let you control people, and at times it feels real comfortable.

When you pray the Lords Prayer and say, “…Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…” Matt.6:10, you are turning your will over to God.

The verb “be done” is a command for effective action.

This is acknowledging that God knows best.

If you are SINCERE when you pray this, nothing about your life should remain the same.

You are deliberately coming against Gods will when you try to control your spouse.

The two year old is still inside each one of us, but when you let that two year old out, you are not letting “Gods will be done.”

The two year old inside you, is controlling you until you totally surrender every day that area of your life to God.

HOW EMBARRASSING!!

If you are an aggressive person in life, this is why.

You can do something about it, you just don’t.

Why??  You like the feeling of knowing that you can have it your way; YOUR WILL!

YOU ARE ON DANGEROUS GROUND!!

Psa.103:21 “Bless the Lord, all his hosts, his ministers that do his will.”

In heaven, the angels obey God and so should you with the Holy Spirits help for a flawless devotion.

Are you letting” Gods will be done” in your marriage?

Are you ready, willing and able to do Gods will in your marriage?

Nothing breeds resentment deeper than for your spouse to have their will devalued and demeaned.

They know your tricks to have your way but you don’t give them any CHOICES.

Your spouse has a choice to give in or deal with the two year old within YOU.

Your biggest grief is to deal with a self-guarded will.

Are you looking for TRUE happiness in your marriage?

True happiness is PERFECT submission to God’s will.

You can’t give God lip service and continue to love the world along with your baby tantrums.

That is like telling your spouse you love them and have a “playmate” on the side you really enjoy.

To have Gods will in your life and marriage is to release the power of the Holy Spirit on your behalf.

Here are some steps to “Gods Kingdom.”

Step 1 – Choose God’s will.

Step 2 – Accept it with thankfulness.

Step 3 – Rejoice and delight in it.

Ask God to refine you in his fire.  He will do it with love and be there with you.

Two year olds might be cute with tantrums; YOU ARE NOT!!

You may not always get what you want, but you will become what you want!

NOTE:  Tomorrow there will be a new post he make your marriage a success.

BE A MAN, NOT A WEASEL

WHAT DOES IT TAKE for you to admit you’re wrong?  In the case of Joseph’s brothers, it took what appeared to be an imminent disaster.  Gen.42:21

During the first years of our marriage, I struggled to admit I was wrong.  Whenever I did so, I would often say, “If I was wrong when I did this, I’m sorry.”  An all-out confession was simply out of the question.

My attitude was childish, of course; but I couldn’t see it then.  It is amazing how many spouses behave like little kids who try to weasel out after getting caught with their hands in the cookie jar!

Over the years I’ve admitted to just about everyone in our family that I’ve been wrong; and of course, Barbara has heard me say it more than anyone.  The first step is the hardest–admit you’re wrong and ask forgiveness.  Both sexes can have trouble with this one, but in most marriages, the edge goes to the men.

Nevertheless, it’s liberating to admit you’re wrong, and it’s even more liberating when the other person forgives you and says, “That’s okay–I know I’ve made mistakes, too.  “Seeking and granting forgiveness in marriage leads to oneness; ignoring these things leads to isolation.

NOTE:  This article came from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post which has more insight to make your marriage successful.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

Question #1.   I am full of anxiety.  My husband is withdrawn, dishonest, and extremely selfish.  I feel like I am living in a prison.  My anxiety comes from condemnation from my unsaved husband.  I have not peace in my life.

Answer #1.  People with anxiety are not God-conscious; they are self-conscious.  You cannot be spiritually minded in this state; you can only be carnally minded.  Your answer is in 1Peter 5:6-7.  “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth  for you.

When you are living a life of anxiety and worry, it is living in a life of pride.  These verses are saying that if you live a life of “casting your cares”, it takes humility to do that.  You don’t trust God when you keep your problems and in essence, you are telling God that you can take care of it better and you are not going to give it to him.  That is prideful in Gods eyes.

God did not build us to handle all the problems here on earth.  You and I  are not made to handle tomorrows problems.  You will be empty of energy.  God says that when we worry, we are no better than a drunk.  Luke 21:34 “And take heed to yourselves, lest at anytime your hearts be overcharged…with drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day comes upon you unawares.”

Wow!!  He is saying that you will become overcharged or anxious if you are consumed with the care of this life.  Also, you will be categorized with drunks.  When you are in this state, you will not be able to hear the voice of God.

The answer to have a peaceful life is in Psalm 119:17 “Your word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against you.”