LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

HAPPY MARRIAGE KEYS – Part 1

First key:  Establish your own private home.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen.2:24

God’s rule is specific.  A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment.  Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these.  Then she should inform her relatives and he, his.  They must remain firm no matter who opposes.  Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.

Second key:  Continue your courtship.

“Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.”  1Pet.4:8, RSV. “Her husband…praiseth her.”  Prov.31:28.  “She that is married careth…how she may please her husband.”  1Cor. 7:34.  “Be kindly affectioned one to another…in honour preferring one another.” Rom.12:10

Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life.  Successful marriages do not just happen; they must be developed.  Don’t take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage.  Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart.  Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others.  So spend as much time as possible doing things together.  If you did, you would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm.  Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together.  Don’t overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts.  Surprise each other with little gifts or favors.  Try to “outlove” each other.  Don’t take more out of marriage than you put into it.  Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love.  Given a chance, love always wins.

Third key:  Remember that God joined you together in marriage.

“For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife…Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  Matt.19:5-6

Has love almost disappeared from your home?  The devil (that notorious home-breaker) is responsible for this.  Don’t forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy.  He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules (commandments).  “With God all things are possible.”  Matt.19:26.  Don’t despair.  God, who places love in the heart of a missionary for a leprous savage, can easily give you love for each other if you will let him.

Fourth key:  Guard your thoughts–don’t let your senses trap you.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  Prov.23:7.  “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife.”  Ex.20:17.  Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”  Prov.4:23.  “Whatsoever things are true,…honest,…just,…pure,…lovely,…of good report,…think on these things.” Phil.4:8.

The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage.  The devil will trap you with thoughts like these:  “Our marriage was a mistake.”  “She doesn’t understand me.”  “I can’t take much more of this.”  “We can always divorce if necessary.”  “I’ll go home to mother.”  “He smiled at that woman.”  Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions.  Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness.  Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a  hill.  Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.

END OF PART ONE:

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

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MAKING DECISIONS TOGETHER

(The following article was taken from the Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)

Early in our marriage, Barbara and I resolved that we would always make decisions together, and if at all possible, we would strive to agree with each other before making an important choice.  The only exception would occur when we reached an impasse after much discussion and prayer.  In that case, I would have the responsibility, as the head of our home, to decide the matter, and whatever happened as a result of following the course of action that I chose, I would assume full responsibility for the outcome.

Some husbands might think (erroneously) that it works best to pull rank with their headship and force their wives to submit to their decisions.  This foolish action violates scripture  and it demeans a wife.  God’s blueprints for marriage teaches that each spouse makes the other complete.  Paul made this very clear, “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.”  (1Cor.11:11). We need each other.

Why would anyone knowingly choose to ignore the other in decision-making?  Two heads really are better than one!  It’s important to realize that she may know something you don’t.  And when is it ever wise to ignore critical information?

On the other hand, some in the Christian community hold that there is no head of the home–a role-less marriage–and that a husband and a wife should share in all decisions equally.  Yet there will be times when you don’t agree, even after days of discussion, prayer, and carefully listening to each other.  In a role-less marriage, who decides, especially on a major decision?

The structure of  responsibility and authority established by God in the home addresses this dilemma.  God’s structure doesn’t limit life for us, but enables us to experience life to the fullest, the way He designed it.  As you will someday experience with your children, structure, boundaries, and rules provide the protection and security that bring freedom, not bondage.

Barbara and I make a lot of decisions every day.  We have learned to consult each other on those decisions where we know that both of us need to talk before making a final decision.  And in that case, as I said, I bear the responsibility for the decision, both the good and the bad.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to assist you in making your marriage a success.

SATURDAY Q & A

Question #1.

What practical steps can we take to make sure busyness doesn’t take a toll on our romantic relationship?

Answer #1.

First, be still and know that He is God (Psa.46:10).  Start by stopping.  Begin by listening.  Take time to pray and listen to God.  And then spend time thinking and evaluating.  Plan a date or two with your husband to reevaluate your schedules, your romance, and your marriage.

Second, decide what you value.  God has made abundantly clear in His Word what He values.  Make a priority list.  What will you fight for, and what will both of you fight for?

Third, set important guidelines for yourself and your family.

Fourth, honestly evaluate your need for all the extra things in life.  I know how easy it is to get busy with fixing my house, getting things for my kids, and finding the best bargain.  It’s not wrong unless it leaves me stressed, exhausted, and unable to engage with my husband.  It’s a question of the important versus the urgent.

Stress and exhaustion in parenting are normal.  While you can’t eliminate them, they can be managed by evaluating your level of busyness and your lifestyle choices.  Simplifying life is the best way to reduce these robbers of romance.

NOTE:  The following question and answer was an article in “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

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MAKE YOUR HUSBAND FEEL IMPORTANT

The desire to be important is the deepest urge in human nature and in your spouse.

Here is a list that will help in finding new ways to make your spouse feel important.

• Thank him for everything he does and just for being there for you.
• Be his cheerleader when he has been successful at home.
• Take him on a date or getaway without the children.
• When someone criticizes him, you support him.
• He wants to be proud to be seen with you so look your best.
• Be his covering by praying for him.
• Refrain from giving him the silent treatment.
• Be respectful even if you are angry.
• Respect his dignity by not criticizing him in front of others.
• Watch your words towards him and choose them carefully.
• Don’t make him feel fearful of being called stupid because he expressed himself freely.
• Keep yourself in shape and work at it.
• He is not a mind reader so don’t expect him to be one.
• Watch TV with him even if it is a program you do not like.
• When he makes good decisions, compliment him.
• When he makes bad decisions don’t criticize him.
• At home or in public, hold his hand.
• Don’t argue with him over money; Discuss peacefully keeping in mind that he is a hard working man and you are not his mother.
• Don’t put blame on him when things go wrong.
• Don’t treat strangers better than you treat him; be courteous.
• When he says something wrong, give him the benefit of the doubt.
• When he gets home greet him with a big kiss.
• Spare him from boring details in a discussion; get to the point.
• Respond to his sexual gestures.
• His intelligence is important to him so don’t belittle it.
• If you have plans, make sure that he has agreed to them.
• When you do things for him, don’t expect to get a “thank you.”
• Don’t compare your relatives with his relatives.
• Be kind to his relatives.
• Never make him choose between you and his family.
• If your habits annoy him, work at getting rid of them.
• Handle him with much care because he belongs to God.
• When he needs it, help him finish his goals, hobbies and education.
• Give your husband time to recover when he is in a bad mood.
• Be a “help meet” to him whenever he needs it even if it is inconvenient for you.
• When he comes home from work, give him time to unwind.
• In front of the children, be sure to honor and respect him.
• When he is tired, keep your conversation brief.
• Whether he is there or not, brag about him to people.
• Don’t wear yourself out so when he wants sex, you will be available to him.
• Allow your husband to be the “head of the house”.
• Don’t nag or belittle him.
• Give advice to him in a loving way.
• Give him specific reasons why you are proud of him.
• Surprise him with a gift he will really enjoy.
• When you make a mistake, admit it to him.
• Don’t make him feel guilty for the time he needs to be alone.
• Show him you need him in different ways.
• Forgive him when he offends you.
• Leave plenty of time to be with him.
• As often as you can, compliment him.
• Don’t allow your family members to disrespect him.
• Stay focused on the things your spouse is doing right.
• Don’t focus on the things that are going wrong that he does.
• Be respectful when you talk with him.
• Look for ways to keep laughter in your conversation
• Realize that he has feeling also so be gentle.
• Tell him you like him and you love him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

HE WILL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE

Genuine listening is one of the highest compliments that you can pay your spouse.

Psychologists, therapists and communication experts often discuss about the great benefits of being a “good listener.”

You can improve your marriage and have a spouse that enjoys to be around you by being a good listener.

Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself:

Do you interrupt your spouse when they are talking?

Do you show any signs of impatience while listening to your spouse talk?

Do you actually hear what they have said?

If you are an “active listener”, then you should practice focusing entirely on what your spouse is saying.

Is this possible?

Listening is a very hard skill to master.

Even communication therapists have trouble going home after a full day at work and have problems listening to their spouse.

Do you stop working and stop watching TV while your spouse is talking?

Do you stop reading and look at your spouse?

All these things are important to your spouse.

Do you fake like you are listening while you are really thinking about something else?

Here is a recipe to make your husband despise you:

** Never listen to him for long.

** Talk incessantly (without end) about yourself.

** If you want to talk while he is talking, don’t wait for him to finish, just bust right in and interrupt him in the middle of his sentence.

If listening to a spouse is so difficult for communication experts, what can you do?

The Holy Spirit can help you be an “active listener.”

This is what our God specializes in and He will let you hear your spouse’s heart even though it never came out of their mouth.

He can help you listen for your spouses unspoken fears and concerns.

God will show you when your spouse is reacting to a hurt or troubling mood.

You will learn how to listen without thinking about how you are going to respond.

God will show you the strengths and abilities of your spouse so you will know how much they will be able to handle.

You must be sensitive to the Holy Spirit who will show you impending trouble.

You serve a God who wants to give you great wisdom.

You can make your spouse feel so good and he will follow you anywhere.

Just give God the opportunity to help you.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WIVES MAKE OR BREAK THEIR SPOUSE

A wife holds great power to make or break her spouse.

Your husbands name is IMPORTANT to him and you need to respect it.

Respect means to consider worthy of high regard; to refrain from interfering.

Respect is both an ATTITUDE and a way of acting and talking.

Do you respect your husband by giving him honor in word and deed?

This would be honoring and recognizing that your spouse has RIGHTS as a husband.

One of those rights is to not do anything that will shame him.

Disrespect and ridicule dishonors your spouse and DEMEANS him.

A wife is commanded to respect her husband.

Eph.5:33 “…The wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Jesus respected his parents even though they were uneducated, common people living a humble life.

Jesus showed respect to little children, lepers, tax collectors, those controlled by demons and for prostitutes.

If your creator can show respect for everyone, whom do you think you are to show disrespect to your spouse?

When you invited Christ into your life, the power of the Holy Spirit was given to you so you can show respect to your spouse and others whom you may feel DON’T deserve it.

1Pet.2:17 “Honor all people (including spouse), love the brotherhood.  Fear God.  Honor the king.”

You respect your spouses name when you respect his property.

Your spouse deserves the right to own and use the things he has WORKED for.

Showing disrespect to your spouse’s property often results in stealing.

Jesus said that he always did what honored his father.

We need to do what always honors our husband.

Behind every great man is an admiring and respecting woman.

A husband usually doesn’t rise above the level at which a wife respects him.

Lift your spouse to the next level that you both deserve to be on.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SECRET WEAPON FOR SPOUSES

The expression you wear on your face for your spouse is far more important than the clothes you wear to look nice.

Prov.15:13 “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance…”

Smiling makes you more attractive to your spouse.

It is better than walking into your house looking like you are in a  ZOMBIE-like state!

Your spouse will be drawn to your smiling face because people want to figure out what is so good.

Your smile draws your spouse IN.

Smiling lifts the face and makes you appear younger.

It takes more ENERGY to ignore and pretend to be very serious, than it is to smile at your beloved.

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.

Prov.17:22 “A merry heart is good medicine but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

Smiling relieves stress because it prevents us from looking tired and overwhelmed.

STRESS can really show up in our faces.

Your immune function improves possibly because your more relaxed if you smile.

When you smile, it is a NATURAL drug.

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin.  These three make us feel better.

When you smile at your spouse, it makes you more APPROACHABLE.

Your smile is welcoming and your spouse will be more at ease around you.

Your smile to your spouse can be CONTAGIOUS.

Be completely pleased to see your spouse.

It can change your spouse’s mood after a long hard day and it doesn’t cost you anything.

Your secret weapon is your SMILE!!

Smile – it’s the next best thing you can do with your lips.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

GENUINELY BE INTERESTED IN YOUR SPOUSE

There are ways to make your spouse like you and one of them is to be genuinely interested in them.

Morning, noon and night your spouse is interested in HIMSELF.

Phil.2:4 “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  KJV

“Look out for the interest of others and not only for your own personal interest.”  NSB (New Simplified Bible)

Statistics show that it is easier for you to make your spouse a friend in two months by becoming genuinely interested in him than you can in two years trying to get him interested in you.

Spouses, it’s alright to do things for your SPOUSE that requires your time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Listen to what your spouse likes and take them a gift of something they will enjoy.

Listen for CLUES of what your spouse is interested on and initiate a conversation on the topic of his interests.

If you want to know what your spouse is interested in, have a Bar-B-Q and invite your spouse’s friends.  Listen to their conversation and you will learn their favorite topics.

In Meriden, Connecticut, a survey was done to see what subjects adults were most interested in studying.

The result of the study was that their first interest was Health.

The Second interest was in people:

How to understand and get along with people;

How to make people like you; and

How to win others to your way of thinking.

The authors sole purpose of his survey and book was to help readers discover, develop and profit from their physical and mental resources that are dormant and unused assets.

CASE AND POINT:  There was a time in my marriage when I felt like I didn’t have anything of interest to contribute in trying to open communication with my husband.  I decided that the only way I can have a conversation that would prompt his interest was to ask a question on one of his favorite topics.  When I did that, he opened up and kept talking.  I felt like I had really accomplished something in our marriage.

This may seem very hard and strange at first because it takes us out of our “comfort zone.”

It stretches us to talk on a subject that we not only know nothing about but we are also not interested in it at all.

God will bless your EFFORTS.

Anything you do to improve your marriage, the Holy Spirit will get in the middle and anoint it.

It has happened to me over and over again.

Marriage isn’t for babies, it’s for adults.

You will get on the ground and play with a silly toy just to bond with your child and see a smile on their face, yet you don’t take the time to make conversation on a topic your spouse loves.

What are you WAITING for?

I’m glad I didn’t wait.

Don’t lose out on this daily opportunity that won’t come back again because of your PRIDE.

Just ask a widow!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

THE BLESSINGS OF OBEDIENCE

OBEDIENCE TO GOD is one of the major themes in the Old Testament.  God promised his people, through Moses, that they would receive a “blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you today” Deut.11:27).

God gives spouses the responsibility of praying for each other.  When we do that, we obey what God wants us to do and we call on Him to give our mates the strength it takes to walk and live in obedience.

James 5:16 says, “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”  Effective prayer is asking God to do what he already wants to do in your mate’s life.  God delights in answering such prayer, because He wants you to know Him, to see Him work, and to continue to come to Him.

Come before God’s throne on your mate’s behalf, requesting that he or she will know God’s love more fully and that God will develop a teachable, pure heart within him or her.  Pray for an increased desire to obey and follow Christ.  Ask God to give your mate a growing awareness of the benefits of walking with Him.  Ask, too, that faithfulness, contentment, patience, self-control, discipline and other godly virtues will be developed in the life of your loved one.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 10 WAYS TO PROPOSE MARRIAGE  “USING FACEBOOK”  

  Share a video proposal – Create a video of your proposal, down on one knee and the ring in hand. Then post the video on the facebook wall of your sweetheart. Hopefully, she will be the first to view it, and no one else will spoil the surprise

   Note proposal – Write up your proposal on a facebook note and tag the lady in the note that the proposal is meant for. You can share it further after she responds with the affirmative, but keep that initial tag just for her.

    Upload a photo of the ring – Upload a photo of the engagement ring and tag the lady as being in the photo. A simple, “Will you marry me _____?” as the title of the photo, should complete the proposal.

     Sweet and simple – Why make it complicated? You could just message her or post on her wall. You could even do this with your phone while you are both sitting in the room and watch for her reaction when she reads it.

      Request relationship status change – Make the proposal a little more subtle by requesting that she change her facebook relationship status to ‘engaged’. You might add a little, “I will, if you will,” note to that.

       Change relationship status – Another version of the relationship change would be for you to change your own relationship status to engaged, and then ask her if she’s willing to make the leap to the next tier with you.

       Event invitation – Create a facebook ‘event’ for an engagement party, and invite only her. Then you get to wait for her response of ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or the miserable ‘maybe’.

        Fiance list – You probably have a family list and a friends list on facebook. You might even have other lists, such as co-workers and acquaintances. You could create a special ‘fiance’ list and add her to that list, and then ask her if she approves of the list you’ve put her on.

         Poll question – You can create these great polling questions on facebook. Why not create a proposal poll?  Will ____ marry me? Yes – No – Of course!

Share jewelers website – Locate the website of your local jeweler and post the link to the site on her facebook page and ask her if she’d be willing to meet your there to do some shopping or if you should just pick out the ring yourself.

This article is from an unknown author

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.