LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

THE TROUBLE WITH THE 50/50 PLAN

     All husbands and wives have expectations of how the relationship should work. Often, they assume, “My spouse will meet me halfway.” Over the years we’ve heard couples talk about having a 50/50 marriage. “You do your part,” the thinking goes, “and I’ll do mine.” But while this concept sounds logical, couples who try to live it out are destined for disappointment. One reason why is that we focus more on what the other person is giving than on what we are doing. So we withhold love until the other person meets our expectations. Of course, it’s impossible to know if a person has ever met you halfway. As Thomas Fuller said, “Every horse thinks its own pack heaviest.”

     Early in our marriage, we tried this plan. I would give affection to Barbara only when I felt she had earned it. Barbara would show me affection and praise only when she thought I had held up my end of things.

     Contrast this with the type of love God shows for us. No matter what we do, He gives us 100 percent. He gives us love even when we don’t deserve it!

     So I propose that couples adopt the 100/100 plan in marriage. Under this plan, each person gives 100 percent … no matter what the other person does.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE A HOLY INSTITUTION?

When a wife desires to glorify God with her life, then her mission brings blessings to her household.

God is a God of details and of order.

We learn that all through the old and new testament.

When he created marriage, His “holy institute” (Malachi 2:11) “which he loves”, he placed and positioned an order.

The order for marriage is the husband as the head of the house, the wife as the keeper of the household and then the “godly offspring”(Malachi 2:15).

In Titus 2:5 says, “be…subject to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

The Greek word for “being subject” is HUPOTASSO.

Wives, at this point you are saying, “I could care less what “hupatasso” means.

YES!!  You care if you will “listen up” for a minute.

HUPO means “under.”  TASSO means “arrange in orderly manner, assign a certain position or task.”

Paul is saying, “Wives, place yourself in a position of being in submission to your husband who is in authority over your family.

SUBmission is a mission!

It is a mission to allow God’s order in our home and to teach our offspring to be Godly.

Eph.6:1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

This word “obey” is commanding children to obey their parents.

Hupotasso is a choice the wife makes as her husbands equal, to put herself underneath her husbands direction to keep order in the home.

Hupatasso is a military terms describing soldiers on the battlefield obeying authority to facilitate effective warfare.

In other words, it is the wife who makes her home free of the enemies devices as she lines up and does her best when she is supporting her husbands agenda.

Submission is a spiritual attitude.

Women are good at having ATTITUDES.

Let’s be known by our children for having a “spiritual attitude” in our home.

Do it not because you have to obey your husband, do it because you are sold out for Jesus!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

REWARD FOR BEING KIND TO YOUR SPOUSE 

Are you helpful to your spouse in deed and with advice?

Is your conversation PLEASING?

Titus 2:5 “Be good…that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

The Greek word for “good” is AGATHOS.  

AGATHOS refers to that which is “good”.

This would be a person who is beneficial to others.

When you are good and kind to your spouse, God MULTIPLIES it a hundred times.

“…other seed fell into the good (agathos) soil, and grew up, and produced a crop a hundred times as great.”  Luke 8:8

Yes, God multiplies your good deeds ONE-HUNDREDFOLD!

It is said that in a persons mind, one bad deed takes 20 good deeds to cover it.

That means that every time you hurt or upset your spouse DELIBERATELY, it takes 20 good deeds before he forgets about the one mean action.

That is the way the brain works.

That is not the way it is with God because he will bless the GOOD DEEDS in our life a hundred times over.

That is the God that we serve!!!

Goodness comes from a place in your HEART.

We are to be sympathetic, considerate and gentle, even when you feel your spouse is undeserving.

When you are KIND you are being like Jesus.

Paul said in Eph.4:32  “Be kind (agathos) to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Has your unkindness, or hard-heartedness made your marriage better?

Has your unforgiveness brought peace and love into your home?

Has MEANNESS to your spouse brought the presence of God’s Holy Spirit right into your home?

Ask yourself how you would feel if God treated you the way you treat your spouse.

God brought you into your spouse’s life to be his greatest SUPPORTER.

Our job is not to be the corrector or boss.

Remember that you are the cheerleader, not the COACH!

CASE AND POINT:  When most people think of the kindest person, most will think of Mother Theresa.  Her life is one of a person who whole-heartedly showed kindness to everyone.  She went to the poor and dying with her love and compassion.  Below is a quote from her.

Mother Theresa:  “At the end of our lives, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have received, how much money we have made or how many great things we have done.  We will be judged by “I was hungry and you gave me to eat.  I was naked and you clothed me.  I was homeless and you took me in.”

Mother Theresa died in 1997 and the following has been said of her world-wide: “Her works and mercy knew no boundaries.”

Is it really so hard to show goodness and kindness to your spouse?

Mother Theresa said, “Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHO IS THE HOUSEHOLD MANAGER?

A wise husband will allow his wife to manage the household because this is her ministry.

I am not saying that she should be the head of the house, I am talking about being a MANAGER of the household.

This is her ministry.

This is her calling in life and she is GREAT at it!

“…be a homemaker…that the word of God not be blasphemed.”  (Titus 2:4)

The Greek word for “homemaker” is OIKOUROS.

The word “Oikouros” translated, carries the meaning of “watching the house, of a watchdog.”

These words make reference to being a guard, guardian, a watcher, and a warden.

A wife’s business should be to guard and guide her house.

CASE AND POINT:  One of the big attractions in England is for people to go to London and watch the guards at the queen’s palace.  You and I both know that we would expect guards there.  But my husband was invited to go to Mexico City and speak to many senators and governors over there concerning teen violence rehabilitation.  We went to eat at a restaurant that seemed like our equivalent of a “Dennys.”  While we were having lunch, I asked one of the senators why they had guards at the doors with machine guns.  He told me that the guards were not there to protect the restaurant.  Those were personal guards of people who were inside eating.  I was totally shocked.

After I remembered reading statistics that Mexico City had a high rate of “abductions” for ransom or killing.

When I read this verse I always think of this experience.

You and I might think that being called to be the “guardian” of your home is not a big deal.

To God, it is a high position.

Everything God DOES is for a reason and a purpose.

Those people in Mexico City who hired those guards expected them to keep them and their family safe!

God expects the wife to be his “watch dog” over the family!

What kind of a “watch dog” are you?  Lol!

God told Adam to be the guard over the Garden of Eden.

God told the CHERUBIMS with a flaming sword to be a guard over the tree of life.

Don’t take your ministry lightly.

He has equipped you and expects you to keep that home HOLY.

Start with prayer and end with prayer!

Your spouse and family are WORTH it.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

ETERNAL PUNISHMENT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY 

A Christian wife is to be true to her husband in mind, heart and in her actions.

“…be chaste…that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

Chastity is a must in our lives in order not to blaspheme the word of God.

In the Greek, the word “chaste” is HAGNOS.  It means modest, clean, pure and perfect.

Modesty is a healthy sense of shame in what you say, do, or how you dress as not to cause a man to lust.

Many expose themselves to FATAL temptations by an action that at first might seem like a little indiscretion.

Remember that we serve a God who is into detail.

If you are in doubt as to something you are about to do, or say, or wear, ASK  God.

Prov.2:11 “Discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you from the evil way.”

Discretion is to know how to avoid embarrassment or distress; also judging wisely.

In 1Tim.2:9 the Apostle Paul says, “I want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”

Paul wasn’t criticizing trendy fashions, he was letting them know that the more important thing is glorifying God with their dress and deeds.

1Pet.3:3-4 “Your beauty…should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

The bible has elaborate descriptions of seductive power of sexual temptations.

1Cor.6:18 “Flee from sexual immortality.  All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

These are important warnings and we should not take them lightly.

Better yet, we should not be tempting the opposite sex with IMMODEST behavior.

Let’s look at the eternal punishment that God has placed in his word for us to learn.

In Rev.21:8 the “sexually immoral” are placed with the cowardly, the unbelieving, and the murderers, who will be cast into the lake of fire at the end of the age.

Once again, God is a God of detail.

Just like the craftsman who carved out the details in the tabernacle to the specifications of God, God has done for us through His word.

He didn’t put it there for a nice READ.

He put it there to change our life and keep us from eternal damnation.

Don’t BLASPHEME  God’s word!!

Be pure, moral and chaste.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

 YOU CAN DESTROY YOUR SPOUSE 

In the book of Titus we are told that if we are not discreet or sensible, that we blaspheme Gods word.

You may not INTENTIONALLY want to blaspheme Gods word, but there may be times that you do, especially in your marriage.

That is why it is important for us to read Gods word daily so that we have wisdom and guidance to live according to His word.

“Be discreet…that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:4

The word “discreet” is SOPHRON.  SOZO means “save”.  PHREN means “mind”.

So discreet means “a saved mind.”

The Apostle Paul is telling us wives that we had better have a “saved mind” or we will blaspheme Gods word and that will bring destruction to our marriage.

Your saved mind should lead to right thinking and right decisions.

A “saved mind” leads to right living and a healthy marriage.

You should avoid extremes.

It is easy for us to “Minor on the majors, and major on the minors.”

In other words, we can easily make a big deal out of nothing and totally avoid issues that can destroy our spouse.

Wrong outlook LEADS to wrong outcome.

Do you have the right outlook on your ministry at home?

Can we ASK your husband and children?

Can we ask your in-laws and co-workers?

If you are a sensible (discreet) Christian wife, you will be in control of your mind.

Don’t allow distractions to gain your attention and push out your spouse.

Know your priorities and be DEVOTED to them.

Place your spouse in your priorities.

I will give you some assistance.  Your spouse should come right after God on your priority LIST.

Avoid things that are foolish and unproductive.

Ask God to help you by going into the “secret places” in your heart.

Self-control is what is needed.

We demand our children to use self-control and we DON’T do the same.

On a daily basis, our “SELF” produces desires that should be denied.

Luke 9:23 tells us we should “deny self.”

Luke 13:24 says, “…strive to enter through the narrow door…”

The Greek word for strive is “agonizesthe” which has the word “agonize” in it.

Are you agonizing to be discreet, sensible and self-denying to your spouse?

How can you produce “self-control” in your life?

Let’s see what God’s word says.

“The grace of God has appeared…instructing us to deny worldly desires.” Titus 2:11

Rather than agonizing in our shame, let’s agonize to deny ourselves and become a better spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage to be a success.

HELP EACH OTHER GROW UP IN FAITH

Do you want to grow up in your faith? Do you and your spouse desire to know the deep joy that comes from maturing in your relationship with God? If so, I have an insider’s secret that will help. For centuries followers of Jesus have recognized the critical importance of discipline. While I have no interest in a lifeless list of legalistic tasks that will turn the Christian life into a graceless, joyless religion based on works, I know that certain basic exercises will change a flabby, weak faith into a strong one. Consider a few of the most important:

.Prayer. Prayer is the way we communicate with God. Pray both as individuals and as a couple. Perhaps the two of you can pray together briefly before you go to sleep at night.

.Bible study. In God’s Word we learn everything we need to know about God, His promises, and what He wants from us. Make use of commute time or an exercise session by carrying a pocket-sized Bible or listening to the Bible on CD or your MP3 player.

.Worship. If you are not worshiping God, you are probably worshiping something else. Find a vibrant, Christ-worshiping, Bible-believing church, and commit to regular worship there.

.Giving. We own nothing; we are simply stewards of resources, on loan from God. Regular tithing (giving 10 percent of your income) to your local church and generous giving to other Christian causes is a great way to strengthen your heart for God’s work (see Matthew 6:21).

. Fellowship. We need others and they need us to accomplish the work of the kingdom. How about building relationships with others by joining or offering to lead a small group Bible study at your church?

. Service. In every local church, there is a need for people to use their spiritual gifts and natural abilities to serve others. And there are ministries in every community that need volunteers to feed the hungry and help the poor. Seek one out!

.Witness. Jesus has entrusted to us the task of reconciling men and women to God. Cultivate friendships with neighbors, plant seeds by sharing your testimony along with insights from God’s Word, and extend an invitation for them to receive Christ. Let the light of Jesus shine out of your life.

The apostle Paul instructed Timothy to exercise himself for godliness. When you practice these important spiritual disciplines, you’ll be getting the kind of workout that makes you spiritually strong.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – Q&A 

Question #1:  What does it mean to focus on my wife?

Answer #1:  Focus means giving someone your undivided attention. I win in my relationship with Barbara when I turn from my list of priorities in order to zero in on her. I win when I listen to her without staring at the television or going through the mail. I win when I respond thoughtfully to what she has said. Sometimes that means ignoring the cell phone while she’s trying to bare her soul. I’ve learned that there are times when she wants my attention, even if we aren’t saying anything!

A great way to focus on your wife is to enjoy a regular date night. (Sunday night was our standard time to get away and talk.) Or consider heading to bed early and asking her how her day was. Focus fosters communication and a deeper connection.

Focus also understands her needs for romance. Do you recall how she spells it?  R-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p. Spend energy prayerfully thinking about how you can meet her needs for romance. Craft a highly romantic day and evening just for her. On paper, spell out the specifics of how you are going to focus on her-a love letter, a gift, flowers, a walk, a picnic or a nice meal, a drawn bubble bath, scented candles and a massage.  Make sure you are speaking her love language, not your own.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GOD HATES YOU SLANDERING YOUR MATE

Satan uses bait to get us into his pit of unforgiveness.

Just like fisherman use different bait for different kinds of fish, the ENEMY knows what to use on each and every one of us.

Do we have a chance against his strategies that have worked for centuries?

NO!  But Jesus has made a way for us.

He has left us His word and His precious Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance.

What does God’s word say?!?

1Pet.3:9 “Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.”

The word “reviling”  in the Greek means SLANDER.

Paul is talking to married people.

These people Paul is talking to considers himself victimized, oppressed, mishandled, harassed, violated, defiled, imposed upon wrongly, debased and humiliated.

In spite of how they feel being violated by their spouse, he still tells them not to slander their mate.

“Slander” is one of the things God hates.

Luke 17:1  “Then said He unto His disciples, it is impossible that no offenses will come…”

This is a warning, we will definitely be offended by our spouses at some time or another.

God is trying to give us insight because satan will use bait as an opportunity to receive God’s “divine power”.

Are you listening??????   Listen up!!!

Verse 17 is giving you insight and your not listening??  Why??

The enemy plays for keeps and he is dying to trap your marriage and destroy your destiny.

The enemy is paying ATTENTION how about you?

How do you forgive insult and injury?

This is your opportunity to receive Gods “divine power.”

Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ on the cross.

FORGIVENESS IS POWER!!

Nothing takes more “divine power” than forgiving someone including your spouse.

Forgiveness is the ability to withstand the gates of hell.

That is why verse 9 calls it a “Blessing” to forgive.

Bitterness and unforgiveness must be dealt with all the way to the root or they will spring up over and over again.

Forgiveness is God’s “divine power” being manifested through you.

It’s your choice.  BAIT or “divine power”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

 BITTERNESS IN MARRIAGE IS POISONOUS

 The words resentment and bitterness in the Greek refer to poison.

Resentment is poisonous to your physical health and your mental health.

You can’t build your happiness on your spouse’s unhappiness.

God’s word tells us exactly what to do with “resentment.”

Eph.4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and anger, along with every form of malice.”

I hope you got the message spouses!!??!!

Get rid of it!

Take responsibility for your own actions with the part you played and stop blaming your spouse for everything!

Resentment destroys everyone around you including yourself.

Heb.12:15 “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Psychologist Dr. Archibald Hart in his book, “Helping Children Survive Divorce” states that psychology by itself does not have a solution.  He states that only the GOSPEL OF CHRIST is capable of healing the deepest human hurt at its very root.

Resentments destructive power comes from several sources:

• Resentment never Forgets.

Resentment best fits our “lower nature.”  (animal nature)

We enjoy resentment because it feeds self-pity.

• Resentment exaggerates all subsequent hurts.
• Resentment destroys happiness and prevents contentment.

If we were left to our own devices we would self-destruct.

• Resentments cure is revenge.

Steps to defuse the destructive power of resentment:

• Dispose of your need for Revenge.
• Declare your forgiving spirit to your spouse who has hurt you.
• Deliberately turn your resentment into kindness.

Confess the sin of unforgiveness.

Allow the Holy Spirit to fill and control your life.

When the Holy Spirit is in control, this is the fruit it produces.

• Love and joy pushes all bitterness out.
• Peace will come into your soul.
• Longsuffering will deal with bitterness and any other problems.
• Gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance are fruits of righteousness.

CASE AND POINT:  I have faults, but one of them is not to be bitter or hold resentment.  I get angry then get over it and forget it.  That is part of my nature.  When my spouse does something and I am feeling very hurt and resentful, I feel ugly inside.  I know that my actions are hurting God.  The last thing I want to do is to quench the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is all I have in life.  I don’t want to do anything that hurts God.  This is the key that helps and guides my actions.

If you love God, you will not want to hurt your spouse because it hurts God.

Once again, you cannot build your happiness on your spouses unhappiness.

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A PROBLEM, HE IS YOUR PRIORITY!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.