LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1. My question is, is there any thing like this for husbands?  Is there something to help them understand how woman think and function.  We have certain needs also that have to be met.

Answer #1.  First I want to state that I don’t know of any blog that is for husbands.  I know it seems a little unfair, but they say most marriage books are sold to women.  I feel that it is the way God made us.  We are more emotional and look for remedies.  A man controls his emotions better than a woman but he still has feelings and emotions.  In the book , “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich, he talks about the marriage treaty.  He uses Eph.5:33 as his guideline.  It tells the husband to love his wife, and the wife to respect her husband.  He calls it the “Crazy Cycle” when neither one does their part.  It only takes one partner to get off the “Crazy Cycle”.  I was so excited when I read that because you can have a great marriage, even if your husband does not cooperate.  This is what gave me the incentive to teach on marriage.  If not, then I would think that my teaching is useless unless the husband was listening also right next to his wife.  As the wife, you keep studying Gods word, partner with the Holy Spirit and be obedient to what God is teaching you.  Your husband will see such a change in you that he will become sensitive to your needs.  My goal in life, is to please God and not quench the Holy Spirit.  In the process, if my husband treats me with kindness, that is a big plus for me.  Other good marriage books you can get are “Laugh your way to a better Marriage” by Mark Gungor.  It is such a good feeling to know that I can control the atmosphere in my marriage by my own actions and allowing the Holy Spirit to be my guide.

Question #2.  My question is about sex.  What is wrong or right in sex?  Sex is Gods great idea and the marriage bed is undefiled, but I still have a question mark in my mind.  I want to be able to please my husband and not do something that I am not suppose to be doing.

Answer # 2.    There is a great book called “Intended for Pleasure” by Ed and Gayle Wheat.  Remember that you need to ask your husband what he wants for satisfaction.  He should be your guide.  I will be giving you some comments from the book called, “The Marriage Book” by Nicky and Sila Lee.  Sex is an act of giving.  Good sex requires both husband and wife to think how best to give each other pleasure through their lovemaking.  Sex is not a gift for self-gratification.  It is a way of giving ourselves to one another, submitting to each other’s needs and desires.  Sexual intercourse is the most intimate way of showing love to your spouse and it involves making sacrifices for each other.1Cor.7:4 “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”  The art of giving oneself to another person can feel foreign at first; but this art must be cultivated in every area of marriage, particularly in the area of sex.

SLEEPY TIME TEA

There is a product called “sleepy time tea”.  According to Celestial Seasoning, “sleepy time tea” has an aroma that helps soothe your body after a long day.

This tea, with other ingredients, can make it a little difficult to wake up in the morning.

As we once again do our “profile peeking” into the Proverbs 31 woman, we see that she is awake and alert.

Prov.31:15 “She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.”

This woman had a servant spirit.

Even though it is the job of the servants to feed their master, she got up early to feed her servants.

She must have made a commitment to God to be a servant and for her, it was a joyful way of life.

By listening to people, you find out the need in their life.

This gives you an opportunity to meet that need.

Especially apply this to your husband who is just as important as you are.

Gal.5:13 “…by love serve one another.”

Try to practice getting up earlier.  Read your word or pray.  Put on your make up and comb your hair.  Then put on a pot of coffee.

You are now ready to wake up your spouse.  Lol!!

What!!!  You mean you don’t do that?!?

Ok, girls.  You are really going to score some points with your hubby tomorrow morning!!  Lol!!

“She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.”

One of her top priorities is to set the pace because she understands that as a good manager her responsibility is to take care of those under her authority.

She mastered the skill of homemaking before she mastered her skills in the marketplace.

Have you mastered the skill of housework?

You must learn some expertise at home before you delegate that work to someone else.

This woman was energetic and a hard worker.

Let’s see what the scriptures have to say about the opposite type of woman.

Prov.6:9-11 “How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard?  When wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? (Yet) a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.”

Prov.20:13 “Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, (and) thou shalt be satisfied with bread.”

Eccles.9:10 “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do (it) with thy might…”

Rom.12:11 “…not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord…”

Ok, it’s time to put down the “sleepy time tea”.

The virtuous woman loves her God given role better than her ease or her pleasure.

This woman has chosen well and has a great attitude about life.

How are you going to play this one?

Are you going to rise early or are you a sluggard?

Only you can make that choice.

Let God shower you with blessings for making the right choice.

You have a special presence in your family.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

WHERE’S THE SHORTCUT?

Everyone wants to be successful but who would not turn down the chance to use a shortcut.

There was a woman who had won a long marathon years ago.  She came in first and was rewarded for her great skill, perseverance and diligence to finish this race.  Later, as they checked tapes and interviewed people, they realized that she wasn’t even in the marathon.  She jumped in at the end.

It takes a very deceptive person to attempt something like that.

As we continue in our series to be “profile peekers”, we will again take a look at the Proverbs 31 woman.

Prov.31:14 “She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.”

This woman goes the extra mile for quality.

What she does, she does with excellence.

Nothing is mediocre.  Mediocre is lacking exceptional quality or ability.

Nothing that God does, or does for us, is mediocre.

God never takes shortcuts when it comes to his children nor should you when it comes to your God.

Rom.16:19 “Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you.”

Are you productive, hardworking and willing to be obedient to be successful?

We always want God’s best and blessings but God isn’t a candy machine.

Just like you are diligent and obedient at work, God expects you to be that way for His Kingdom.

This starts first in your marriage and then leads to others outside of marriage.

A common commitment to excellence is one of the most vital bonds to holding a marriage together.

You should strive for excellence in yourself, not in your partner.

You should recognize the need for raising your standards and setting new records for yourself.

I don’t think that nothing pleases me more than to find myself in a situation that does not annoy me anymore.

It feels so good to be able to function peacefully under a stressful situation.

The evil one does not relax nor does he let up attacking your marriage.

Remember, just because you have overcome in an area, don’t think that another one won’t come up in a different direction.

Tomorrow will bring new challenges but that will give you an opportunity to excel beyond what you have done today.

Are you putting your heart and soul into your marriage?

Are you giving everything you can the way you do for your hobbies or other interests?

Are you striving for total quality in your marriage?

1Tim.5:10  “Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.”

This wise woman has let the Holy Spirit do the guiding and she became the vessel.

This woman is fine with “dirt work”, because she works willingly with her hands.

When you are doing good work for your family keep your mind on it and don’t be weary.

Go the extra mile!  This is your only marriage to shine in!!

NO SHORTCUTS!!

Be cheerful!!!   You can do it!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!

There has been a big shift in the way business is conducted in comparison to a few decades ago.

Everything is computerized and HIGH TECH, but thank God he never changes.

We will continue being a “profile peeker” on the Proverbs 31 woman.

Prov.31:13 “She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.”

In this scripture, we now see the virtuous woman in an earthly role.

She is now being an ACTIVE wife and mother of the home and business by planning and providing for her family.

This woman selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.

Do you accomplish your responsibilities at HOME?

You aren’t a “clutter bug” are you?

In Acts 16:14, we see that Paul mentions a woman named Lydia, who was a dealer in purple cloth.  This woman was chosen by God to take care of Paul.

You need to find out what God wants you to do for your family and his kingdom.

You might be ASKING, how do I know what God wants me to do?

We need to search the scriptures daily because it is clearly written in His Word.

As soon as God enters our life, the HOLY SPIRIT enters in and brings gifts with Him.

As you volunteer for service, you will see what you are gifted in.

When you POUR yourself into something, then you feel that you are worth something.

Once you are a blessing in someone else’s life, or eventually slot into the right work of service for the Lord, you will experience more self-confidence.

When you work within your gift, instead of getting tired, you will be ENERGIZED.

Psa.124:8 (MSG) “God’s strong name is our help, the same God who made heaven and earth.”

God will help you with whatever you are doing to further His kingdom.

1Tim.5:8 “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

No matter how spiritual you may think you are, if you fail to provide for your husband and children, you have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever.

Providing for your husband as “helpmeet”, also includes helping with his spiritual needs.

You do this by modeling godly character, praying for and with him, by spending time in God’s word and by looking for ways to encourage him.

Although business has changed and our lives have become more technological, GOD is still the same.

He desires to use you like this Proverbs 31 woman who worked willingly with her hands.

Assume responsibility as a lover and a servant to care for the gift God has given you—your spouse.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

ARE YOU A “PROFILE PEEKER”?

So what is a “profile peeker ?”

According to Urban Dictionary, “Such a person…spends large amounts of time on Facebook looking at other people’s profiles, often browsing through your photos, wall, groups, or recent activity posted on your mini-feed.”  It gives the peeker (spy) the ability to know all your friends’ movements and thoughts, to the point of obsession.

We are going to be a “profile peeker” (spy) on the PERFECT WIFE.

She is a wife that most wives do not like to talk about: She’s Perfect!

This perfect woman is the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman.

Yes, we will be spying on her as we peek at her profile.

Who is she?

What does she do?

How does she do all that she does?

Prov.31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman?  For her price is far above rubies.”

In the Jewish home, every week on the eve of the Sabbath, most Jewish women heard this poem as it was traditionally recited.  Mary, the mother of Jesus must have grown up trying to model herself with the Proverbs 31 woman.

Ruth is the only woman in the bible called “virtuous.”

Ruth 3:11 “…for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.”

In verse 10, the word virtuous in Hebrew is chayil, which means “strong in all moral and mental qualities.”

This verse shows this woman as being not just morally strong but invaluable.

This virtuous woman has 31 CHARACTERISTICS that are mentioned.

Does this woman sound too good to be true?  She isn’t real.  She is a model of “ideal womanhood.”

Does everyone excel in everything?  NO!

This can be applied to SINGLE woman also.

Even though the virtuous woman is not a real person, this poem was designed to show a woman what kind of a wife she should be and what kind of a wife a man should choose.

We are all gifted in various areas, but we are also at times in our lives STRETCHED beyond our giftedness.

In verse 10, it says, where can he find her?  This is saying that good women are hard to find.

This is telling men not to be confused and LUST after a woman’s beauty.

The focal point needs to be her relationship with God, not her abilities, gifts or marital status.

Her STRENGTH comes from God, regardless of her acquired skills, natural talents, or accomplishments.

Who is the virtuous woman today?

IT IS THE WOMAN WHO PUTS GOD FIRST.

Prov. 12:4 “A virtuous (noble) woman (is) a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed (is) as rottenness in his bones.

This scripture has a very big contrast in it.

FIRST, verse 4 shows that she is a woman of worth and she is commended for her dignity and credit that she adds to her husband.

A morally strong woman is STRENGTH to her husband.

SECOND, in contrast, you can make him ashamed.

You can be as “rottenness to his bones.”

This is constant erosion to his position as the head of the household which is his God ordained position.

Is your husband a king without a crown?

You are that crown of royalty on his head.

Did you find anything out as a “profile peeker”?

Did you learn anything new?

Let’s keep strong moral standards.

Let’s not embarrass our husbands.

Today you can give it your all!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

DREAM WORKS

Dreamworks Animation SKG has a philosophy which states: We…embrace innovation, creativity, collaboration, and a solid dose of fun.  This company has made many famous animated movies.

This definition of all these adjectives together mean, “working together to create something for the first time.”

In Mal.2:11, marriage is called “…The  Lord’s holy institution which He loves…”

In Mal.2:14,  it implies that a wife is someone to have fun with, “…the wife…is your companion…”

In Mal.2:15, it explains that God created marriage to obtain Godly children, “But did He not make them one…He seeks Godly offspring…”

I would say that God’s establishment of marriage is embracing innovation, creativity, collaboration, and a solid dose of fun.

A marriage definitely is a “working together to create something for the first time.”

Your wedding day was full of high expectations and excitement.

God gave you to your husband so that he could meet his God-given POTENTIAL.

As the years pass on, there are unmet expectations and great disappointment that starts to invade your marriage.

Do you find yourself trying to SHAPE your husband into the man you desire him to be?

Do you find yourself telling him what you think he should be doing for the kingdom of God?

Do you find yourself frustrated at times because your hopes and dreams have faded and not come to pass?

Prov.31:12 “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

Make it your constant business to do your spouse GOOD and don’t do anything that would displease him.

God knows your husband’s heart and what He created him for.

Let God take the lead since he knows what you both as a couple can ACCOMPLISH.

God knows that it is hard for you to wait on your dreams for your family.

Gal.6:10 “…let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”

You need to be a peacemaker to him.

Do you make life EASY for him?

Do you attend to him with diligence and tenderness?

Watch over anything that would DAMAGE him, his family, his estate, or his reputation.

Do this with joy and not grudgingly.

You have been given to him “for better or worse, in health or sickness, for richer or poorer.”

You do this because you Love God and desire to please Him and not only your husband.

A virtuous wife brings him GOOD, not harm, all the days of her life.

You need to do these things, not just because it is convenient or profitable.

Your character NEEDS to be steady, reliable, and dependable.

You can do this!  You were made for this!

The dream will come, but it takes work.

TEAMWORK makes the DREAM WORK.

The Dream Works.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

THE ESSENCE OF GOODNESS

Henry David Thoreau once said, “Goodness is the only investment that never fails.”  “An investment?”  you ask.  That’s right, an investment…especially in your mate, your children, and your extended family.

Our grayish culture, void of absolutes, has bleached out the once colorful connotations to the word good.  Today, if something is good, that usually means it’s just okay.  Good is third in line at Sears, just behind better and best.  And we all know to steer clear of a good used car– it’s probably been a rental, driven for 225,000 miles, and then used in a demolition derby!

To recover the once lofty meaning of good, recall God’s consistent assessment of the world He made.  I also think of the question Jesus put to the rich young ruler, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good but One, that is, God” (Matt.19:17).

There’s our clue!  Only God is good.  Merrill Unger writes of God’s goodness, “It expresses the supreme benevolence, holiness, and excellence of the divine character, the sum of all God’s attributes”

And God calls your marriage to be good!  You have the opportunity to display “the excellence of the divine character”!

NOTE:  This came from an article in the book, “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY Q & A

Question #1  My husband goes against everything I try to teach my family.  What can I do as I am trying  to teach them the right way to go in life.

Answer # 1   Remember that God knows how difficult and disappointing that it is for you in your marriage at times.  God wants to give you His wisdom for every situation that rises up.  God can give you the grace to trust Him for the outcome.  There is a woman of wisdom that is in the bible, Abigail.

1Sam.25:32-33 NIV “David said to Abigail, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me.  May you be blessed for your good judgment.”

This is a very interesting story in the bible.  David and his men were hiding from Saul in the desert.  They took on odd jobs to survive and one of them was to take care of sheep.  Nabel was a wealthy property owner with sheep, who David protected. One day David asked Nabel for compensation for all the hard work his men and him had done by protecting the sheep.  Nabel flatly refused.  David was furious and he immediately decided that he would kill Nabel. Nabel had a wife named Abigail, who was very wise and was well-respected by all including David.  Look what the bible says in Proverbs.  Prov.11:16 “A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth.”   Nabel did not get away with his arrogant and greedy actions.  Nabel enjoyed his wealth, but only for a short time.

I am sure that through her marriage to Nabel, she was able to develop a lot of wisdom.  A difficult marriage is able to  bring any spouse to their knees.  A spouse who is not willing to cooperate will cause you to seek Godly wisdom and cause you to embrace prayer.  Abigail did not let Nabels’ opinion to influence her or to affect her life.  This woman obviously had a close relationship with God.

There is a reason that this story is in the Bible.  I believe it is there as an example and pattern of how to handle a difficult husbands decisions.  Abigail had a source to turn to and so do we.  That source is GOD!  ALWAYS keep in mind that we have the Holy Spirit as our guide. The Holy Spirit is a gentleman.  Gently waiting for you to ask.   THANK YOU JESUS!  You are not alone!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

LEAN ON ME

We have all seen pictures of the “Leaning Tower of Pisa” (Torre pendent di Pisa) in Italy. It took 177 years to build the tower and then it began to sink right after construction began. It was set in weak, unstable subsoil, which was a flawed design from the beginning. After the flaw was discovered, there was an array of interruptions that caused the 177 year delay.

I thought it was a cartoon. My second thought was why anyone would go into that kind of building, just because someone said it is safe. I was convinced it would tip over at any moment.

I am not a little girl anymore, but there are a lot of times I wonder why people are putting their trust in different things.

One area is the way a husband can put his trust in a woman, who FLAUNTS his business to anyone who will listen.

Nothing is sacred!! Not their finances, their relationship, not their sex life.

Since we are still “profile peekers” into the Proverbs 31 woman, let’s continue to look at the verses.

Prov.31:11 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.”

Her husband has full confidence in her and LACKS nothing of value.

If you are a Christian woman, then you know about being committed.

One of the commands in the bible is to reverence and adapt to your husbands needs. Eph.5:33 “…and the wife see that she reverence her husband…”

If you are a woman who is meeting your husbands sexual needs, then the bible says that “…he shall have no need of spoil.”

Your husband should not have any reason to look elsewhere for love, because his queen is delighted to richly satisfy him.

I am not saying that if your husband has committed adultery on you, it is because you are not having sex with him.

This verse is saying, if you do SATISFY him sexually, he will have no need to go elsewhere.

Use your body to bless him, not as a sex weapon.

Remember that sex is God’s great idea. Heb.13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all and the marriage bed is undefiled…”

When you ask any man, what kind of a woman does he want to marry. His response usually is, ”A woman I can trust.”

Prov.12:14 “A worthy wife is her husbands joy and crown; the other kind corrodes his strength and tears down everything he does.”

What guy is looking for a wife that would TEAR him down?

You need to live with the knowledge that you have done your part.

This is what makes my marriage so EXCITING!!

You are only responsible for your behavior, not your husbands.

I only need to do MY part.

If your husband does not do his part, you are still rewarded for doing your part. You might even get doubly rewarded for the trust you are putting in God.

Does your husband TRUST you during the day, because when he comes home, there you are with a big smile, lip gloss on, and ready to meet his needs?

He doesn’t have to be jealous because he knows how much you love him by the importance you put on him.

The word “trust” is used 152 times in various forms.

The Hebrew word for “trust” is batach, which signifies to lean on.

When times are bad, this is when he needs to know that he can COUNT on you.

His queen is there to lean on.

When bad times come, do you THREATEN your husband?

When bad times come, do you support him?

CASE AND POINT: One time my husband was so overwhelmed by the “spiritual death” of one of our children. My heart broke more for him than our child. The next day as we talked and strengthened each other, we were able to partner and strengthen one another. We decided that the devil picked on the wrong family, and he was going to be soooo sorry he did.

Start today!

It doesn’t cost a penny. It is free!

Can he lean on you?

Let his heart safely trust in HIS QUEEN!

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post! Daily there is a new post.

POWER OF A WOMAN IN LOVE

The wife often holds the key to the QUALITY of romance that is in the marriage.

On yesterdays post, we covered surveys where men scored high on wanting more romance in their marriage.

The confusion came when husbands FEARED failure in being successful to plan a romantic event.

We will be using the information from the book ,”For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

So what are some of the things that a wife can do to support a romantic event?

First, encourage him.

For some reason, wives don’t think that their husbands need encouragement in an area like developing a romantic event.

Everyone needs encouragement, even the GREATEST of men.  Lets look at this next verse.

Deut.1:38 “But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in tither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit it.”

Listen up girls!!  Here are Moses, Joshua and others, who are great men, with great power.  You would think that they would not need encouragement, but they did.  Regardless of the amount of authority or responsibility, the possibility of failure is always present.

How much more do our husbands need it.

Your appreciation as his wife, is always necessary when your husband is outside his COMFORT zone, like planning a romantic event.

One man said, “Encourage me and affirm my effort, and I will run through a brick wall to please you.

Another husband said, “I am willing to be a fool for you, but just tell me that I did good.  And give me sex.  That helps too.”

Remember, many men view taking romantic initiative as a huge risk—a risk of “being humiliated” or “feeling inadequate”.

When he makes an effort, you have to prove to your man it’s not a risk!

The next time he asks you to “go outside and play”, don’t tell him that you have to do the dishes.  Remember, this is his version of a candlelight dinner.

Second, Entice him.

Many men have said that in work or in romance, they are always looking for something to conquer.

Keep it fresh—give him something to pursue.  Go with him for a walk, run, tennis, etc.

Make yourself the kind of friend and lover he constantly wants to PURSUE.

It is learning to give what the other person needs and enjoying the resulting God-ordained fruits of YOUR self-lessness.

The Christian walk is one of self-denial, which we are COMMANDED to live by.  Luke 9:23.

Third, keep him number one.

Are you putting a DAMPER on your husband’s enthusiasm by letting too many other priorities interfere with romance?

Are you unconsciously making your kids a priority over your husband?

On the survey, several men expressed that their wives spent too much time DOTING on the children and not enough doting on their relationship.

Many husbands have said that there is a sense of  “I’ve lost my wife”.

Some men said, “It’s not just the kids that steal my wife, it’s the whole “to do list”.

Is that you??  Do you have a “to do list” that is bigger than your quality time with hubby?

Has your husband lost his wife?

Right now you have a tremendous OPPORTUNITY to start over with your man!!

ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.