LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SIX  MAJOR  VALUES  YOUR  HUSBAND  HOLDS

This post was taken directly out of  a book called “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

I personally think that every married person should have a copy of this book.  It has so many good marriage principles in it.  It has helped me enrich my marriage.

This acronym is from page 184.

 C-H-A-I-R-S is an acronym that stands for six major values that your husband holds:

 Conquest, you will learn to appreciate his desire to work and achieve.

Hierarchy deals with appreciating his desire to protect and provide.

Authority covers appreciating his desire to serve and to lead.

Insight touches on appreciating his desire to analyze and counsel.

Relationship helps you understand his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.

Sexuality explains his desire for sexual intimacy.

 NOTE:   Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY  QUESTIONS & ANSWERS 

Question #1  What is the best way to deal with a spouse that is unemployed?  He  feels depressed about it, and I am the only financial provider in the home.

Answer #1   First of all I want to commend you  on supporting your family during this time of need.  I am sure the devil has thrown every curve ball at you that he has.  He hates marriages and he hates wives that help support their husbands financially. 

Your husbands depression is temporary.   Don’t let the devil convince you that God is not in control.  The economy has hit both Christians and non-Christians.  We will survive because we are God’s children.

Let’s take a good look at PSALMS 40:1-3  “…I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.  He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.  And he hath put a new song in my mouth…”

These verses are blessingss and rewards for waiting on God.

1.  He turned toward me  (v.1)     God sees you.

2.  He did hear me  (v.1)      God hears you.

3.  He brought me up out of the pit  (v.2)     He is working on your deliverance now.

4.  Out of the miry clay  (2)     What had you stuck, will be removed.

5.  He set my feet upon a rock  (v.2)     He will bring stability.

6.  He established my ways  (v.2)      He will teach you His will.

 7.  He put a new song in my mouth.  (v.3)  He will give you a new path.

In Beth Moore’s book, “Get Out of that Pit”  she says there are three things you can do with your mouth:

Cry out to God for help.

Confess not just sin but what is in your heart.

Consent to the process of waiting on God.

Remember, Yahweh Yireh, THE LORD OUR PROVIDER,  is with you!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

Why is it so hard to listen and What to do about it:

Assumptions: You think you know what the person is going to say so you don’t listen or you interrupt to fill in the gaps.
Solution: Listen with an open mind.

Bias: You let the person’s outward appearance or opinions block you from truly hearing what is said.

Solution: Don’t focus on any one thought or emotion that you have.

Control: You feel the need to interrupt, rush and/or correct what the person is saying.

Solution: Listen with your heart as well as with your ears remembering the importance of relationship. Maintain a relaxed, non-hurried posture that communicates at their agenda is important to you. Don’t be petty.

Distraction: You lose attentiveness because you think faster than they speak so you think about what you are going to say next.

Solution: Stay in the moment. Hang on to every word. Refrain from planning ahead to what you will say. Maintain eye contact which will help you keep focused on the person and communicate that you are with them.

Ego: You put your own need to be the focus of attention before the other person.

Solution: Work at respecting and valuing the other person. Learn to love your neighbor as yourself.

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN? (Part 2)

We already discussed meekness.

Developing meekness assists us so “we are not angered” by others.

Developing a quiet spirit assists us so “we don’t anger” others.

1Pet.3:4 “…The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Listen to Proverbs.

Prov.16:23 “The heart of the wise instructs his mouth.”

This is saying learn to LISTEN!

When you listen to your spouse, you understand them better because you are learning about them.

What happens when you listen?

YOU: Learn, understand and act rather than react.
SPOUSE: Feels understood, opens up more and gets healed.

We need to STOP, and LISTEN so that we can hear and understand our partners concerns.

Prov.10:31-32 “The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom…The lips of the righteous brings forth what is acceptable.

Prov.15:23 NLT “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.”

As a wife, you can tell when you have said the right thing and have spoken into your husbands life.

Prov.25:15 “Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem.”

James 1:19 “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”

The word “hear” in the Greek, means to UNDERSTAND.

Prov.18:15 “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, the ears of the wise seek it out.”

Listening is part of the burden process. Gal.6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

You cannot bear one another’s burdens till you know what they are.

By listening you will learn.

Here are the listening steps:

1. Your spouse tells you their concerns and what is happening in their life.
2. You listen
3. Your spouse feels understood and shares even more.
4. You understand your spouse better, and fervently pray for them.
5. They gain insight and get healed, which empowers them.

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

I know you think your husband is the “Iron man” but empathize with him.

He will LOVE YOU for it!!! You forgot already? You’re his GIRLFRIEND!

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows blog. It is Saturday Q & A .

CAN’T YOU KEEP THE NOISE DOWN??  (Part 1)

I remember those words growing up with five brothers.  My mother always suffered with headaches but if I had five sons I probably would have headaches too.  Lol!!  She slept in the living room, so as we would be making our breakfast, the famous words were, “Can’t you keep the noise down?”  As I remember it, telling that to five boys made noise making even more adventurous for them to up it a couple of octaves.

At the academy awards this year, the “Kings Speech” won best picture.  We were so excited since we were missionaries in England for five years and have an abundance of  love for that country.

Today I would like to talk about a “Wives Speech.”  I found that 1Peter is the perfect verse to use.

1Peter 3:3,4 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of GREAT PRICE.”

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  These verses say it all!

 The word “meek” in Greek is pronounced prah-ooce’ which means MILD.

The word “quiet” in Greek means to KEEP STILL in one’s seat, UNDISTURBED and PEACEABLE.

These verses are saying that God loves to see the meek and quiet spirit at work in our lives.

The “outward adorning” is the Greek word Kosmos which the word cosmetics comes from.

Here are some ways to acquire the attitude of MEEKNESS.

1.  Ask God to remove any roots of stubbornness or aggression in you.

2.  Ask God to give you situations in which you can practice meekness.

LISTEN TO THIS TRUE STORY:

In Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems”, he talks about when he was in a church in the city of Kiev in the Ukraine.  They were at this large table having borsch, which is a soup.  There was an elderly lady there serving the borsch.  She was about seventy-five years old and had very deep wrinkles.  He could tell that she had a very hard life.  He asked the pastor who she was.  The pastor said with a sparkle in his eyes and a glowing face, that she was his wife.  He began to tell Rick how this woman waited 15 years for him while he was doing a prison sentence.  (In Russia, they put you in jail for the slightest thing.)  He also stated that during that time, she was responsible for rearing and providing for their 15 children.

As I was thinking about sharing this story with you, I thought about this woman.  I don’t know if she is still alive.  I don’t know her children have to be.  Can you imagine them reading this blog right now and saying to themselves that their mother would have never thought her story would be going around the world.

She just did what she could, with what she had.

That pastors love goes beyond her looks.  She let it be “the hidden man of the heart, in which is not corruptible.”

The next time you are adorning yourself with perfume, makeup, and attractive clothing, stop and check your spirit.

Are you meek?  Or are you acting rude, selfish and prideful towards your husband?

Does your husband have that sparkle in his eyes and a glow on his face?

You can put it there today!!  Go on girl, you are his GIRLFRIEND!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  We will continue with part 2.

HELP!! THE DEVIL WANTS ME ANXIOUS! (Part 2)

The American Academy of Pediatrics estimated in the year 2000 that one in five children in the United States had psychosocial problems related to stress.

We are at epidemic levels of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, sexual dysfunction, sleep disorders, osteoporosis, alcoholism, road rage and other forms of violent behavior, PMS, and headaches.

At the root of most of these diseases and ailments we find excessive stress!

4. Practice Godly Behavior

Phil.4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me…put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”In the Greek, the word “practice” means to PERFORM REPEATEDLY or habitually.

This is EXCELLENT!! When anxiety hits you, that is the time to put everything you have been taught to practice.

What are you to put to practice?

1. Learned – Christian things you have practiced.

2. Received – Christian things that have blessed you.

3.  Heard – Christian things you have perceived through hearing.

4.  Seen – Christian miracles you have experienced

Your Christian walk and marriage is not to be dead, dry and formal.

It is to be ALIVE and VIBRANT.

5. Put others needs first

Phil.4:10 “…you have renewed your concern for me…you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.”Anxiety often occurs because of selfish concerns. You cannot bless others without getting blessed yourself.

When you put others first, especially your husband, it is a generous  gift  which is evidence of your love for him.

When a need is met in your life, you are overjoyed.  It is the same with others.

Today, find something he NEEDS and surprise him by meeting that need.

6. Work on Contentment

Phil.4:11 “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

In today’s world, people are not content whether they have a lot or if they have little.

People who are discontented usually don’t know the difference between needs and wants.

We become like a hamster running around on  wheel.

Many wives put a lot of pressure on their husbands to make them content.  True contentment is to glorify God and be with him through eternity.

When difficult times came, Apostle Paul was content because he had learned to live with very little.

Paul allowed bad circumstances to not control his contentment.

How do you treat your husband when he doesn’t meet your needs?   Do you let it pass?

Contentment and godliness is GREAT GAIN.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow.  It will be the last of anxiety,

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!… I will not give up, give in, give out or give over ’til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words… in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad…so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down ’til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous… nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God’s real thing, nor will I seek to lower God’s standard, twist God’s will, rewrite God’s word, violate God’s covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God’s faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up ’til my marriage is healed.

– Author Unknown