LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

LOVE DOESN’T TAP OUT

Have you ever had your spouse “let you down” at some point along the way?

I’m sure, if the truth be told, you have let your spouse down also.

Human beings, and especially spouses, FAIL each other at one time or another.

1Corinthians 13:8 “Agape (love) never faileth…”

Love will last forever!!

Paul concludes POWERFULLY in 1Cor.13:8 that Gods love is forever!

Paul was trying to tell us that Gods love never disappoints or fails.

God’s love can always be counted on because it is always RELIABLE.

The way to get this love is to “die to self” but you cannot manufacture love.

Agape love never falls into ruin.

What is the difference between the world’s love and agape?

The SOURCE!!!

Agape has a source that is supernatural and that is a “supernatural God.”

Our constant challenge is to tap into that SOURCE.

Agape adapts to all circumstances and any country.

Does your love for your spouse fail more often than you would like?

That is because we are human beings and our love “taps out.”

As you grow in Christ the quality of “unfailing love” is manifested to our spouse.

As we obey the word of God, we daily progress in Christlikeness.

How do you feel when your spouse falls from the HIGH position they hold in your life?

How painful is it when you see a fellow warrior fall or stumble in battle?

Doesn’t this” let you down”?

God’s love is reliable and it is constant.

We are God’s CONDUIT for his unfailing love.

Remember, we cannot manifest this agape on our own strength.

Are you having a problem loving a spouse who is UNLOVABLE?

What with man is impossible, with Christ it is Him-possible!

Seek what is going to have enduring VALUE to your marriage.

Agape (Love) never “TAPS OUT!”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help you make your marriage a success.

SPOUSES, DON’T THROW IN THE TOWEL

Do you remain firm in your love for your spouse when faced with hard circumstances?

1Cor.13:7 “…Love …endures all things…”

The word “endures” in the Greek is  “hupomeno” which means to stay under or remain.

In secular Greek, “hupomeno” was a military term used to refer to an army who is holding a position at all costs.

This would be a person who is under a heavy load but refuses to surrender to defeat.

He will stay put and refuse to leave because he knows that he is where he is suppose to be.

Do you endure in times of loneliness or loss?

If you are filled with the love of God and strengthened by the Holy Spirit, you can endure pain and suffering.

The early Christians and the apostles were able to endure suffering and torture, due to agape (love)for God.

Agape never quits or throws in the towel.

Are you patient and loving with your spouse with no desire to reject or retaliate?

Do you bear up under circumstances that seem impossible?

Example:  The formica japonica ants can lift and carry five times their weight.   God created them to endure hardness.

We were not made to endure heaviness without the infilling of Gods Holy Spirit.

When your spouse is not successful at their attempts are you still cheerful and still standing?

We can never talk ourselves into agape (love)because we have no power within us.

Be honest with God and say, “I don’t love my spouse right now!!  I’m angry and have bad thoughts.”

You need to ask Jesus to fill you with His high-level love.

Here is an assignment for you to reach that higher-level.

• Write down the 11 qualities of love in 1Cor.13.

As you think of each one, how are you measuring up?

Which ones are you strong in?

Which ones are you weak in?

Which ones do you need in your life right now?

• Memorize 1Corinthians 13.

There is nothing more important in your life than letting God perfect His love in you.

Say, “I’m committed to be here in my marriage and to stay here and to work out our marriage.  I am not quitting no matter what the cost or time is to me.”

Don’t throw in the towel!

Jesus didn’t carry a towel with Him to Calvary.

Don’t carry one around in your marriage.

NOTE:  Tomorrow there will be a new post to help you succeed in your marriage.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

The greatest spiritual gifts that the LORD left us are faith, hope and charity.

The Apostle Paul said in 1Corin.13:7, “…Love…hopes all things…”

Hope is not merely a “future state of happiness.”

In the secular world, they see “hope” as future expectations.

What is the difference between biblical hope and secular hope?

It’s the source!   Hope in a LIVING GOD!!

Marriages suffer from stress within and from outside.

Do you at times feel like a ship at sea in the middle of a storm tossed to and fro.

If we aren’t careful, that can take a toll on us and destroy our marriage.

Don’t become a prisoner of negative influences or it will tear your marriage apart.

When we gave our lives to Jesus, we became a captive to the hope we have in Jesus.

“Return to the stronghold, you prisoners of hope.  Even today I declare that I will restore double to you.”

Remember that we have His promise, as prisoners of hope, that He will restore double to us after each trial.

Our hope is not based on “wishful thinking!”

Biblical faith is founded on faith in the factual content of the gospel.

• Jesus’ death was due to our sins;
• Jesus was buried;
• On the third day Jesus was raised from the dead;
• Because we believe this, we are believed to be righteous.

Because of these facts, we have hope in our marriage.

Believers are energized by Holy Spirit who dwells in us and gives us that living hope.

All believers have hope but it is not “pie in the sky dream”.

This is a firm assurance that enables you to confidently face the problems around you.

Be confident that Jesus will keep all His promises.

Biblical hope is the certain expectation of God’s blessing, based on God’s faithful actions.

Jesus taught them not to be anxious about the future because that future is in the hands of your loving Father.

Hope right now can help you be satisfied with the joys of this life.

Hope provides the urge to live a pure life.

Hope helps us to be patient.

God wants to help your marriage grow stronger together.

Put your hope in Him.

NOTE:  Tomorrow there is a new post to help make your marriage successful.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

When things look the worst, do you believe that God will work out his master plan in your life?

The Apostle Paul told the Corinth church, “…Agape (love)… believes all things…”

The word “believes” is the Greek word elpidzo which is that same as the word “hope.”

The word “believe” implies that love sees the best in others and chooses to believe the best and not the worst.

Paul is saying that we need to believe the best in our spouse unless they do something that convinces us otherwise.

Agape doesn’t mean that you have to be a “dumbbell”, because love has discernment and wisdom.

Avoid undue suspicion and regard your spouse as being good and honest.

This doesn’t just mean some of the time; this is a “never give up” kind of belief for every situation.

Love means that you have to show confidence.

CASE AND POINT:  I had a relationship with my mom that I never told her a lie.  She knew I could be trusted.  Many times this was upsetting to me because if she thought my older brother was lying, she would ask me to tell her the truth.  I hated tattling on him because he was always getting in trouble.  I had five brothers who always had a story that didn’t quite match the truth.  In the 60’s most of the teenage guys were experimenting with LSD.  Every time my mom saw him with his shades on, she would tell him, “You better not be on that LSD.”  His answer to her would be, “Well I wasn’t, but now I will since you don’t trust me anyway.”  I was forever telling her not to tell him that.  I didn’t want him to get mad and go do drugs.

Do you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt?

This doesn’t mean that you have to be GULLIBLE.

You still see “the good, the bad, and the ugly” things that people do, you just have to display love and confidence.

Our flesh is always ready to believe the worst about our spouse.

The opposite is that agape believes the best in your spouse.

Do you feel that if you trust your spouse with some aspect of your marital life, they will end up burning you again?

TRUST GOD!!

Doesn’t it make you feel ugly when you find out that your spouse is upset with you for something you never did?

Trust is not GRILLING your spouse for details.

You are not an attorney cross-examining a defendant!!

You are his COMPANION; you are his PLAYMATE!!

Let go of the “the good, the bad, and the ugly” and have fun!!

NOTE:  Everyday there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

SAVE OUR LOVEBOAT

Do you make allowances for your spouse and endure whatever comes your way?

The Apostle Paul said, “Love…bears all things…”

In the Greek, the word “beareth” is stego which means “to cover”, just like a roof covers a house.

This word gives a picture of covering someone so they don’t get injured.

Love SUPPORTS what is placed on top of it and covers and protects what is placed under it.

Agape (love) patiently endures the faults of others especially from their spouse.

Are you operating in this kind of high-level love?

Love knows when and how to be SILENT.

In your marriage you have a choiceof what kind of an attitude that you want to have.

It’s your CHOICE!!

Has there been a time in your marriage that you stood by your spouse’s side no matter what the cost?

The Holy Spirit wants to give you STRENGTH to endure anything that may come to destroy your marriage.

Love doesn’t look back but continues to the very end.

If you were on a tiny boat with your spouse and the boat sprung a leak, what would you do?

PANIC!!  And try to cover the hole so water couldn’t sink the boat.

A marriage in progress tries to “Save their Loveboat.”

This is exactly what spouses need to do for each other.

Agape covers negative things about others rather than putting a magnifying glass on them.

Do you exaggerate the negative areas in your spouse and don’t acknowledge the positive?

Do you plow down your spouse with sarcasm or put-downs?

Agape won’t lie about the weaknesses of others.

Don’t let bitterness control you instead cover your spouses faults and failures.

Go the extra mile to PROTECT your spouse’s reputation; don’t broadcast bad news.

You can’t sink his end of the “loveboat” without sinking yours.

Happy paddling!!!  J

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have a new post to make your marriage a success.

WHAT ARE YOUR FAMILY VALUES?

Although in many ways Jacob sired a messed-up family, in other ways his whole clan knew what he considered most important.  They knew his values.  They knew, for example, that he didn’t want his sons marrying pagan women from among the Canaanites.

What’s really valuable to you?  What are your family values?  Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt.6:21).

Working as a couple to establish a clear and concrete set of your own family values will strengthen your marriage and reduce stress in your relationship.  And yielding to Jesus as Lord and master–His life, teaching, death, and resurrection–must be our top priority (see 1Cor.15:3,4).  Beyond loving and obeying Christ,what we value may cover a wide range of possibilities.

Early in our marriage, Barbara and I determined that we needed to take the time to agree on our family’s values; so we went away for a weekend together to discuss it.  First, we separately listed our individual values and ranked them by priority.  Then we prayerfully combined our lists and carefully crafted a list of family values on which we would agree.  Then, we ended up with our top five family values.

We discovered that while we shared some priorities, others were very different.  On a typical summer Saturday, for example, Barbara could not wait to put on some gloves and head for the flower garden, while my idea of a good time was for the whole family to head off for a day of fishing or an adventure.

Over the years we have learned that if our values aren’t clear, we will live with more conflict than necessary, feel scattered or out of control, place unwise expectations on each other and miss out of the peace that comes from prayerfully seeking to abide in God’s will in every aspect of our lives.  Prayerfully coming into agreement on your values is an essential component of your journey together.

If you have never hammered out your values together, we encourage you to begin praying and talking about it immediately.  You may want to get away for a weekend like we did, or you can take a week and discuss a different topic each night.  To more clearly define core values, brainstorm and write down your ideas.  If needed, agree on a time when you will meet again to refine your list.  Settling on your family’s values will bring untold benefits to your marriage and family now and in the years to come.

NOTE:  This article came from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post which has more insight to make your marriage successful.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1 . What do you do when a spouse only sees the negative things about you and not the positive.  I am blamed for everything that goes wrong.

Answer #1.    (I will answer this with some comments from an article by Dr. Dale A. Robbins and is a publication of Victorious Publications.)

Rom.14:10-13  “Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother?  …why do you look down on your brother…then let us no more criticize and blame…”

A “critical spirit” is an obsessive attitude of criticism and fault-finding, which seeks to tear others down.  Constructive criticism is that which is expressed in love to “build up,” not to tear down.  It is always expressed face-to-face, never behind their back.

The person with a critical spirit usually dwells on the negative, seeks for flaws rather than good.  They’re a complainer, usually always upset, and generally have a problem or a complaint about something.  They often have little control over their tongue, their temper, and have tendencies for gossip and slander, which Paul said were sins “worthy of death” (Rom.1:29-32).

What causes a critical spirit?  Negativeness, insecurity, immaturity, an unrenewed mind, and the devil.

What is the prescription for a healthy mind?  The bible doesn’t promise peace to those who dwell on the faults of others.  It says that the Lord will keep them in perfect peace, whose minds are stayed on Him!  (Isa.26:3)

If  your spouse does not read God’s word then you must do it for them.  You stay in God’s word and pray for your spouse.  Pray everyday and bind the “negative spirit” in Jesus name.  You will see results.  Be patient and put your trust in God.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new insights to make your marriage a success.

OFF THE HOOK

 Have you ever received news about a person who had hurt and disappointed you, was now going through difficult times?

Was your attitude, “Well, that is just what they deserve.”

God’s agape (love) does not react like that!

The Apostle Paul exhorted the Corinth church for reacting in a sinful manner.

“…love…does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth in the truth.”

Unrighteousness is the condition of not being right according to God’s standard.   It also means to not being right with man, according to what man knows to be right which is determined by his conscience.

Never rejoice at your spouse’s failures, even if it is a result of their own foolishness.

Remember, we need to be a soft pillow for them to fall on.

Prov.24:17 “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles”

Do you disregard what is right in God’s eyes concerning your spouse?

Do you change the boundaries because this is your spouse and you can do what you want?

In Mal.2:14-15, husbands are being exhorted for dealing treacherously with their wives.

Wives, you are not “off the hook.”

I know some wives who are extremely cruel to their spouses.

Many wives feel their husbands deserve punishment because of disrespect that is dished out to them by him.

In God’s kingdom, that is SIN!!

Agape does not rejoice at another’s downfall.

That is PRIDE and God hates PRIDE!!

CASE AND POINT:  One of my children was always picking on their younger sibling.  Every time that would happen, I was getting madder and madder.  The punishment of my choice became more severe each time.  One evening I had a dream.  In this dream a duck turned and bit the face of this tiny cute “chickie.”  I was very hurt for the tiny chick.  As we walked out the door, I slammed the door on the duck.  I could hear the duck quacking loudly.  I opened the door and let the duck loose.  When I woke up I was very upset at what I had done in the dream.   I realized what God was showing me.  The punishment has to fit the crime.  I was hurting someone smaller than me just like my older child was hurting the smaller child.  I felt TERRIBLE!!

We need to rejoice in what is truth and right in God’s sight; not draw our own conclusions as to what our spouse deserves.

Isa.5:20 “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Thess.2:11-12 “…they should believe a lie…be damned who believe not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.”

NEVER say, “Well, they finally got what they deserve!!”

Because you might get what you deserve!!!

NOTE:  Tomorrow will have a new post to help you succeed in your marriage.

KEEP THE “WHITE OUT” HANDY

In a marital relationship, keeping score doesn’t reflect agape (love).

In 1Cor.13:5, the Apostle Paul told the Corinth church, “…love…thinketh no evil…”

The Greek for “thinketh” is logidzomai which is a bookkeeping term which implies making an entry in an accounting book.

Bookkeepers keep records in a detailed and logical manner.

A bookkeeper is able to give an exact account and itemized list which becomes a legal document.

CASE AND POINT:  In the 30’s, Al Capone was a Chicago gangster who was involved in many criminal acts.  He was a murderer, and an array of other crimes.  For years the FBI did everything to put him in prison but they could find no proof on him.  He bribed juries and bribed or killed anyone who got in his way.  Al Capones bookkeeper did what the entire FBI could not do.  In the 1931 trial, Al’s bookkeeper was their number one witness.  He was able to present and interpret the accounting books of the mob.  Al Capone was sentenced to 11 years for “tax evasion.”

Do you keep account of what your spouse inflicts just to pay them back?

Love doesn’t keep into account a wrong that is suffered

The Apostle Paul is exhorting the church not to keep records of those who injure you.

Do you keep flipping back to your old record book of wrongs?

Stop keeping score of your spouse’s offenses against you; it is sin!

Maybe you don’t write down on a notepad the wrongs your spouse has done to you but you do keep a mental checklist.

That list of your spouse’s wrongs can be very destructive to your marriage.

If you are keeping those mental records, remember that you are not granting your spouse the same mercy that God has granted to you.

Agape (love) doesn’t deliberately keep records of past mistakes.

Are you holding your spouse hostage because of actions you feel are violations against you?

If you have a hard time releasing your spouse from past offenses, this is a sign that you need agape (love) in your life.

THROW THAT DIARY AWAY!!!

If you want to bring unhappiness into your marriage, keep score of what your spouse does that offends you.

Love “remembers and then forgives.”

Get that “white out” out and cover over those offenses with LOVE!

Don’t let the past shape your future!

Don’t let the past shape your future!

DON’T LET THE PAST SHAPE YOUR FUTURE

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new insights to make your marriage a success.

SAVE THE WHALES vs. MARRIAGE

Marriage can be very challenging during difficult times.

Do you ever show sudden violent emotions at your spouse?

1Cor.13:5 “…Love…is not easily provoked…”

The word “provoke”, means to poke, to prick or stick with a sharp instrument.

Do you cause your spouse to be upset?

A person who provokes, continues to do it till the recipient responses aggressively.

Do you easily fly off the handle?

In 1Cor.13:5, Paul is referring to a sinful anger that is never provoked in someone who has supernatural love.

Are you willing to endure insults from your spouse without reacting?

Prov.14:17 “A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.”

CASE AND POINT: I have never deliberately tried to make anyone mad in my life, however, I have made people mad at me at different intervals.  This happened once when we were on an outreach.  There was a table full of literature on “save the whales.”  There was a man and woman taking care of the display.  As I approached the woman, I told her that was a good cause, but that I hope she puts just as much effort into saving the “unborn child.”  She reacted in a way that totally startled me, and the gentleman whom she was working with.  She gave out a scream like a “wild banshee”, she gave a demonic look into my eyes, then leaped I don’t know how many feet into the air, over the table and aimed at my head.  I backed up just in time for her to miss me.  She hit the ground and looked disoriented.  The guy yelled at her and asked her what she was doing.  She was speechless and looked like she couldn’t believe how she behaved.  I knew that my questioning about abortion had provoked the enemy.   The people standing by her ran to get away from her.

Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit by being provoked or by provoking others.

You and I can’t do anything on our own strength.

Jesus’ life in us enables us to manifest his agape (love).

It is easy to be irritated with a spouse that is just plain annoying.

Remember that it is a sin to be provoked and it is not showing love.

Moses did not enter the promise land because he became provoked with the people of Israel (Num.20:2-11).

Don’t miss out on your promise land.

Don’t end up with a marriage full of regrets because you chose to be “easily provoked.”

Let it go and bathe yourself in Gods word and Gods love.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new insights for a successful marriage.