LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

WORRY FREE MARRIAGE (Part 2)

Pride causes discouragement and depression when we worry.

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction.”

Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride shall bring him low.”

To avoid this, God tells us to humble ourselves by letting him take care of our marital problems.

1Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.”

1. Has God ever told you to be quiet, but you don’t.
2. Next you find yourself in a fight then you finally have to be quiet to end it.
3. Then you are depressed because you either said hurtful things or you were told hurtful truths.

God did not design us to be able to handle tomorrow’s problems.

He only gives us enough grace to get through TODAYS marital issues.

When you cast your cares, that act of humility demonstrates your faith.

When the verse says, …the mighty hand of God…”, it means that God can hand-le anything and everything.

Let God use His “mighty hand in your marriage.”

Worry does not empty tomorrow’s problem, it just empties today’s strength.

THE WORD CHOKED

Mark 4:18-19  “And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.””

This is saying that after you have heard Gods word, you still allow things to enter your heart and it strangles Gods word that is in you.

After suffocating Gods word, you can no longer PRODUCE fruit in your life, so you miss out on a good harvest.

This mentions three things that choke the word:

1. The cares of the world.
2. The deceitfulness of riches.
3. The lust of other things.

We start to allow the problems, rather than Gods word to tell us how to act.

Luke 21:34 “And take heed to yourselves, lest at any time your hearts be overcharged with surfeiting (being overfull), and drunkenness, and cares of this life, and so that day come upon you unawares.”

OUCH!   I said, “OUCH!!”

You have been warned to not be “overcharged.”

Overcharged means to feel stressed, depressed and just an emotional wreck.

You won’t be able to hear the VOICE of God.

Also, notice in Luke 21:34 that a person who is “overcharged” with the “cares of this world” are on the same category as a drunkard.

People who are drunk are not alert, sharp or perceptive.

You cannot make good marital DECISIONS when you are overcharged with the cares of this world.

The choice is yours:  You can sin by letting things bother you, or you can choose to not let things bother you.

A WORRY FREE LIFE IS YOUR CHOICE.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

A CHEMISTRY LESSON

High school chemistry taught me a very valuable lesson: When certain substances come into close contact, they can cause a chemical reaction.  I proved that fact during my senior year of high school, when I dropped a jar full of pure sodium into a river  and nearly blew up a bridge below!

I’ve learned since then that many people don’t respect the laws of chemistry, any more than I did as a teenager.  They mix volatile ingredients without giving much thought to the consequences–just as David did in the sordid account of Bathsheba.  Just the mere sight of her caused him to start a life down a very slippery slope.  It can be that simple.  I’ve discovered that many married people don’t understand that a chemical reaction can occur with someone other than their mates.

Don’t misunderstand–I’m not talking merely about sexual attraction.  I’m referring to a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.  This is emotional adultery–an intimacy with the opposite sex outside of marriage.  When two people begin discussing intimate struggles, doubts or feelings, they may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for marriage partners.  Emotional adultery is friendship with the opposite sex that progresses too far.  In most cases, adulterous relationships start as casual relationships at work, school, even church.

So guard your heart!

NOTE:  This article came from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY Q & A

Question #1.  How specifically can I build up my spouse–especially when I feel critical?

Answer #1.  I often look to Proverbs 18:21 as a good reminder of the power of words.  It says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”   It’s a simple choice–you can either choose to give life with your words, or give death.  This is especially true when it comes to your spouse.

Sometimes it’s easy, even automatic, to pick out wrong things your spouse does.  But how about this instead?  The next time you start to criticize your spouse for doing something wrong, think about the last time you praised him or her for something he or she did right.

One word  of caution: don’t falsely flatter your spouse, or insincerely attempt to compliment him or her.  It is better to find two or three things that you honestly admire than to lavish praise that is undeserved.

We all need someone on our team, someone who’s pulling for us during the tough times.  There’s a special comfort and security in knowing your spouse will cheer for you, even when the world is dragging you down.

NOTE:  This question and answer came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

WORRY FREE MARRIAGE (Part 1)

Faith is a reaction from the heart based on something God has said.

Fear (or worry) is a reaction from the mind or emotions based on something your circumstance (or the devil) has said.

According to Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary, the word “Worry” when used as a noun means: “mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated.”

Have you experienced “mental distress” in your marriage?

The words “mental stress” means that your mind and emotions are suffering.

The synonyms for worry are: agonize, fret, be anxious, be concerned, be troubled, be bothered, be apprehensive, be nervous, be fearful, and lose sleep.

Worry can be destructive to every area of your life as negative forces work in the mental and emotional realm.

Worry is something YOU ALLOW.

How many times a day do you open the door and welcome worry into your life and marriage?

Negative thoughts will NEVER bring you peace and joy.

Worry never deals with the known realm—

It always deals with the unknown realm.

Worry never deals on the positive—

it always deals on the negative.

Think of all the things in your marriage that you worry about UNNECESSARILY.

When you worry, you are more SELF-conscious than GOD-conscious.

You are being carnally minded!!

If you are worried about something, you are in fear, not in faith.

The act of worry is sin!  Rom.14:23b “…whatsoever is not of faith is sin.”

HUMILITY

You cannot be humble and worry at the same time because worry is rooted in pride.

When we worry, we are not trusting God and we start trusting in ourselves to resolve our own problems.

1Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.”

If we “cast all our care” then we would be carefree!

Carefree is :  untroubled, lighthearted, relaxed, cheerful or free from care.

God is telling us that a true sign of humility is casting your cares on Him.

When you have marital problems and you handle it yourself, you are telling God, “I don’t believe you will solve this for me.”

If you do that, you are now on the throne of your marital life and NOT GOD!

Only you can let God back on the throne.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 4)

Almost 90 percent of all marital arguments can be traced back to the issue of money.

Every day there are divorces filed because of financial disagreements.

One of the “vibrant marriage secrets” is  how to properly maintain you finances.

Fifth, Managing Your Money

A.)     MONEY MATTERS TO GOD.

1. Money is to be earned.

In Genesis, it was established that the role of the husband required hard work.

Gen.3:17-19 God told Adam that he would have to eat and provide “in toil” and “in the sweat of (his) face.”

God intends that income be earned by intense, earnest work and effort.

“He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.”  Prov.10:4

1. Money is to be given.

Your money comes from God (Deut.8:18) and is to be used for Him, His purposes, and His people.

As Christians, we are commanded to give our money regularly and purposefully, sacrificially, and generously.

“She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy”  Prov.31:20

What happens in your home is the person your husband thinks is needy differs from your opinion?

Do you let him continue on with His convictions and compassion and supply the need?

Once again God’s word gives us advice on our treasures in Matthew.

Do not lay up for yourselves “…treasures on earth”.  You are to “…lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven…”  Matt.6:19-21

1. Money is to be managed and saved.

To be a good steward we must learn thrift, diligence, carefulness, self-control, and skills of saving, stretching, record-keeping, and wise decision-making.

Do you go to a sale and start buying everything in sight just because it is a bargain?

Prov.24:3-4 “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”

1. Money is not to be desired.

As Christians we are to beware of greed and the love of money.

We are to “…be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share…” 1Tim.6:28

“…godliness with contentment is great gain…”1Tim.6:6

Let the Holy Spirit be the decision maker in your finances.

You can end quarreling about money today!

NOTE:  Some of the comments are from the book “A wife after God’s own Heart”, by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 3)

A “Vibrant Marriage” is what every spouse looks forward to at the beginning of their life together.

In the book of Genesis we find one of our first commands concerning marriage, straight from God.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  Gen.2:24

The word cleave in Hebrew means to “catch by pursuit, fasten together, follow close and to stick to.”

The Israelites knew exactly what the word “cleave” meant.

Marriage was a commitment to be desired.

It was a union that could not be broken by anything that may come against it.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know how true this story is, but I was told by a Britain that when Prince Charles and Princess Diana started having marital problems, that his father told him, “Get an heir and a spare.”  In other words, have two children from Diana.  Have one to take the throne and another one in case the first one dies.  Then Prince Charles can live his life and do whatever he wants to do.  He basically was telling him that he did not need to have a marital relationship with Diana.  The sad part of that is that he didn’t tell Diana that when he asked her to marry him.  She thought she was going to have a lifetime of love.  He also disappointed God because he violated God’s marriage treaty and the whole world knew about it.

Fourth, Enjoy your marital intimacy

A.)    Take your calendar in hand and schedule a sex date!

Does that sound cold?  Callous? Unemotional?  Lacking in romance?

Talking with your husband openly about your sex life and revolutionize it.

Keep in mind that sex is the #1 basic need for a husband.

B.)    Talk about sex with your husband.

If you can communicate lovingly and specifically about sex, then the two of you can move toward greater enjoyment of intimacy.

C.)     Take time to prepare for sex.

Set the scene and the mood.

D.)    Try to go to bed at the same time.

How can you cuddle, be available sexually, if you and your husband don’t go to bed at the same time?

E.)     Tackle the excuse of “I’m too tired!”

And what woman isn’t???

Your assignment is to figure out what to cut out of your life so that you will not be tired for the most important part of your marriage—your sex life.

F.)     Take care of yourself.

Good grooming only costs a few minutes.

NOTE:  Some of the comments were taken out of the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

                                             VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 2)                                                  

Thank God that he has given us guidelines to live by.

Many times they are not easy or fun, but boy do they work.

We always encourage people to live by God’s guidelines in order to get the results they want with a lifetime of peace.

In order to have a “Vibrant Marriage”, we must follow God’s guidelines.

Third, Communication is Every thing.

“Sweetness of the lips increases learning.  The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.”  Prov.16:21, 23

A.)    You must follow God’s guidelines for good communication.

Are your words soft, sweet, suitable, and slow?

B.)    Identify any speech patterns that must go.

Put away speech patterns that don’t match up to God’s standards.

CASE AND POINT:  We saw a movie called “The Iron Lady.”  It was a story about Margaret Thatcher who was the prime minister of the United Kingdom during the time that Ronald Reagan was president.  The prime minister is similar to the president of the United States.  She was prime minister during the 80’s when we were missionaries in England.  She was a great lady and worked hard to pattern the footsteps of her nation after the United States to stay a vibrant and democratic country.  One of the things she had to learn early in her career was how to talk to men since she had to lead them.  Men could be loud and emotional, but she couldn’t or she would be labeled as a high strung rational woman.  They told her that men can’t handle the high pitch in a woman’s voice because it makes them emotional.  They taught her to talk low and slow and raise her voice gradually without yelling.

Margaret Thatcher changed her way of speaking so that she could change the destiny of England and lead men in the right direction that would have a lasting change for the future.

How much more should us as wives change our voice for the eternal destiny of our marriage and family.

What you say and how you say it is crucial.

Read Jesus’ words about “radical surgery” in Matt.5:29-30.

C.)     Make it a goal to encourage your husband.

Your goal as a wife is to help, heal, and minister to your husband with your words, not to slice him to pieces.

Your ugly words are like a thrust of a sword or they can be like a refreshment that edifies and encourages grace to your husband.

WORDS

A careless word may kindle strife.

A cruel word may wreck a life.

A brutal word may smite and kill.

A gracious word may smooth the way.

A joyous word may light the day.

A timely word may lessen stress.

A loving word may heal and bless.

D.)    Be quick to say you are sorry.

This is the best way to defuse a situation that could get worse.

E.)     “Say what you mean, but don’t say it meanly!”

F.)     Seek to please God with your words.

NOTE:  Many of the comments and the poem were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

VIBRANT MARRIAGE SECRETS (Part 1)

Everyone wants a vibrant marriage, but it is something that has to be worked at.

Those of us that are married already know that but have you been lazy lately.

Do you keep hitting the “snooze” button and keep going back to sleep.

Even Jesus’ disciples kept going back to sleep instead of praying.

When your marriage starts going sour, that is usually when we start crying out to God for help.

Let’s stay awake on the job, and keep focused on a marriage that will glorify God.

Here are important areas that will keep your marriage “Vibrant.”

First, Keep “growing” in the Lord.

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  Matt.6:33

In order to experience marital spiritual growth it will result from self-discipline and self-denial.

A.)    Read you bible daily with an open heart.

Try to be consistent but even if you only read a chapter a day, it will benefit you better than reading nothing at all.

B.)    Pray for your husband at least three times a day.

Pray before he wakes up, at noon, and right before he comes home from work.

Also, ask God to show you when he needs your prayers during that day.

C.)     Make it your priority to attend church this week.

Make this important commitment to God, and don’t let any interference come in.

Go to church anyway, even if your spouse does not want to attend.

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to touch your spouse’s heart.

D.)    Attend a bible class or a bible study.

A bible class will make a big difference in your life and in your marriage.

Don’t ever be to busy to take care of this very needful area of your spiritual growth.

Second, Work as a team with your spouse.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”  Eccles. 4:9

God’s word explains to the wife that her mission is to help her husband, submit to her husband, respect her husband, and to love her husband.

A.)    Thank your husband for living out his roles.

When was the last time that you thanked your husband for his hard work on the job?

B.)    Ask your spouse how you can help him.

Daily ask him, “How can I help you today?”

C.)     Find ways to show great respect for your husband.

Do you ask him to do things or do you tell him?

Do you practice sweet speech in your conversations?

Stop putting him down when you talk to others about him.

D.)    Think of a way that the two of you can have fun this week.

Your marriage was founded on friendship, and you need to nurture that friendship.

Your fun time together doesn’t need to cost money.

Improve his life as a helper.

Follow his leadership with a willing heart.

Esteem him highly with utmost respect.

Your assignment from God is not to change your husband, but to love, follow, assist, and minister to him.

NOTE:  Many of the comments were taken from the book “A wife after God’s own heart” by Elizabeth George.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

GIVE UP, GIVE IN, GIVE ALL

Why did “Michal the daughter of Saul (have) no children to the day of her death” (6:23)?  She remained childless because her selfish agenda prompted her to publicly scorn her husband David, who reacted by shutting her out.  In essence, their marriage died.

Our sin and selfishness focuses us on our own agendas like a sharpshooter locking a target in the crosshairs of his rifle.  Left to ourselves, we will go for what we want every time.  And when two spouses focus only on what they want, all hope for peace vanishes.

Jesus shows us that instead of insisting on being first, we must be willing to be last.  Instead of wanting to be served, we must serve.  Instead of trying to save our lives, we must lose them.  We must love our spouses as much as we love ourselves.  In short, if we want to defeat selfishness, we must give up, give in, and give all.

To experience oneness, you must give up your will for the will of another.  But to do this, you must first give up your will to Christ–only then will you find it possible to give up your will for that of your mate.

NOTE:  This article came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY  Q & A

NOTE:  Although this question is about the wife, it can also be for the husbands.  This question and answer came from the book Family Life and Marriage bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1.  How can I best find out what my wife’s real needs are?

Answer #2.  I have an assignment for you:  Take your wife out on a date or a retreat, where you ask her the following questions:

*  What can I do to help you feel more loved, honored, and cherished?

*  What can I do to illustrate the fact that I respect you, your ideas, and your role as my wife?

*  What can I do to assure you that I hear and understand your heart’s desires?

*  What can I do to ensure that you have confidence and joy in our future direction?

*  What attribute or practice would you like to see me improve or develop?

*  What attribute would you most like to develop in yourself?

*  What would indicate to you my desire to be more like Christ?

*  What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish together?

I got these questions from a friend of mine, Tom Eliff, who poses them to his wife every year.  He takes notes as his wife talks, and then writes out a clear statement of his intentions in response to each of these issues.  Last, he signs a pledge.  I can promise you—his wife feels loved and cared for!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.