LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1:  What does it mean to have and to hold?

Answer #1:  When we declared our vows, most of us repeated the words, to have and to hold, til death do us part.  But have you ever thought about what it means to have and hold your husband?

To have implies a possession.  It means he belongs to you and she is no one else’s.  Are you fulfilling your sexual responsibility to him?  For frequency?  Creativity?  Have you turned him down more often than you have invited his love?  Do you put his needs before or after those of your children or your work?

To hold means to keep or bond, much like a magnet.  A magnet has the power to pull a polar opposite to itself.  Dennis and I are virtual opposites in nearly every way; it’s what attracted us to each other in the first place.  But I must continue to be a magnet to him if I am to cultivate my relationship with him.  Dennis tells me that I am that magnet whenever I communicate, “I am available.”

This may surprise you, but most men really want their wives to passionately desire them.  And when you express sexual longing for him–whether verbally or non-verbally–most husbands are unlikely to refuse your magnetic power.

NOTE:  This article is from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

DAILY MARITAL GRATITUDE

God desires that we be grateful for every day that passes.

His desire is that we use everyday to ENJOY our marriage and to gather wisdom to make everyday more understanding than the day before.

Psa.90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

Do we treasure each day?

CASE AND POINT:  There is a garment which is a mobility restricting bodysuit called a Third Age Suit.  It was made to show the loss of mobility which can occur in the aging process or other clinical conditions.  It also gives you a better understanding of the mental aspects.

Everyone is aware that old age brings physical loss but it also includes loss of independence, self-esteem and pride.

There are many questions as to why God designed our bodies to DETERIORATE but it could be that some people live as though this world is all there is.

The only one who lives forever is God, EL OLAM.

OLAM is a Hebrew word translated “eternal” or “everlasting”.

EL OLAM has the meaning “Eternal God” or “Everlasting God.”

This knowledge in our marriage should cause a reaction for us to be humble and stay focused.

Focused, because every day matters and humble, because we realize our limitations.

Old age is a blessing in disguise because the physical decline presses us TOWARDS God.

Jesus assured us that there is eternal life in John 3:16.

The eternal God, EL OLAM, wants a people that he can eternally love.

Live your marital life as in a way that expresses heaven as your true home.

Realize that God’s promises for our marriage will NEVER fail us.

Praise God for your husband’s limitations and yours.

Are you running out of STRENGTH in your marriage?

Are you running out of power in your marriage?

God GIVES strength to the weary and power to the weak.

If you feel that you have a weak marriage you can ask the Holy Spirit to fill it with His power.

Thank God for everything that is working well in your SPOUSES body.

Thank God for everything that is working well in your body.

Stop complaining about the areas in your marriage that are FRUSTRATING.

Start being GRATEFUL for the areas in your marriage that are strong.

Do something productive in your marriage today because you won’t be able to ever relive it again.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

MARRIAGE EVENT PLANNER

Every marriage has an “event planner.”

I am not talking about a “wedding planner.”

This is an event planner to guide your marriage to be successful in the future.

The name of your “event planner” for your marriage is EL SHADDAY.

The Hebrew EL SHADDAY, is translated “God Almighty.”

God’s covenant name EL SHADDAY, “God Almighty”, what does it mean in your life?  Nothing can prevent God Almighty from carrying out His plans for your life or prevent him from pouring out His blessings into your life.

There are many wives who feel that their spouses have ruined their lives.

Many wives feel that had they married “Prince Charming”, surely things would turn out better.

The devil is lying to you sister, Big Time!!

You need to know God as the ALL-POWERFUL God which nothing is impossible for him.

Just like he told Abraham in Gen.17:1-2, he is telling you, “I am God Almighty (El Shadday); walk before me and be blameless.”

As long as you follow God, there is no power on heaven or earth that can hinder his plans for you.

Just like God made a covenant to Abraham, He has made a COVENANT with you to assist you through the tough times in your marriage.

When you are at your weakest, God can show his strength for you and in you.

When you feel that your marital problems are overbearing, turn in faith to EL SHADDAY, almighty, all-powerful God.

Be confident in God’s ability to bless you and sustain you.

You cannot depend or put your trust in God Almighty if you have a HABIT of worrying about your marriage.

Who has protected you up to now?

Who has SUSTAINED you and fed you up to now?

Who has given you refuge up to now?

God will use anything the evil one throws at you to destroy you, and change it to bless your life if you will TRUSTin Him.

Are you experiencing difficulty in your marriage?

Are you struggling with PAINFUL hurts from your marriage?

Are you confused about the future of your marital status?

God Almighty, EL SHADDAY, is your “event planner.”

He has a plan for your life and He is on your side.

Ask God to ENABLE you to see Him for who He is.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

HOME SECURITY CAMERA

We have all heard about “home security cameras” that record what is happening in our home while we are gone.  Some are made where you can watch on your phone what is happening in your house at that very minute.

The word “security” has different meanings but basically it is measures taken as a precaution against theft or espionage or sabotage, etc.

People and businesses spend a fortune to protect what they own every year.

Many times when NEGATIVE things happen in our lives and our marriage, we feel so alone.

We feel like nobody knows our sorrows and nobody cares.

The truth is that God knows and he cares about everything that is IMPORTANT to us.

Hagar, a pregnant Egyptian slave, was mistreated by her mistress and she ran away into the desert.  The angel of the LORD came to her at a well in the desert and told her to go back to her mistress and obey her.  Also, that she was going to have a son who would grow and have many descendants.

In Gen.16:13, Hagar named God, EL ROI  “The God who sees me” because she said that she has now seen “the one who sees me.”

The well that she was at, she named it BEER LAHAI ROI which means “The well of the Living One who sees me.”

There is an important reason why I have told this story.

You may be in deep stress involving a problem in your marriage.

There might be something that you cannot tell anyone about and you are in DESPERATION to have it resolved.

This is exactly the position that Hagar was in and God told her to go back to her mean mistress and for her to be obedient to her.

When I first read this, I was so distressed that she had to go back to her master who had violated her.

You have to know that God has a plan to BLESS your life and for your marriage.

If God’s eye is on the sparrow, His eyes are certainly on you.

Never accuse God of abandoning you.

You need to become aware of His PRESENCE in your life.

No one seemed to care about Hagar and her unborn child enough to monitor her progress in the desert—no one but EL ROI.

There is no worse nightmare for a woman than to be pregnant, in poverty, and to be alone in the desert.

God saw the ABUSE Hagar had taken in the past, he pinpointed her exact position in the present, and he saw the future that he held for her.

God knows your past violations, he knows what you are going through now, and he knows the great blessing he has in store for you.

God is always working out His plan for your FUTURE.

God is always extending a helping hand to guide you through the tough times.

You might feel that your spouse is not doing enough for you and doesn’t even care to be SENSITIVE to what you are going through.

Don’t resent your spouse; He is not God.

Let the LORD be your “home security camera”.

Your spouse is not EL ROI, who sees you.

Let’s give our spouse a break and turn to the God who sees us.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

DOUBLE CELEBRATION

Today there is a double celebration for me.

The first celebration is that I am approaching 420,000 views on my blog.   Thanks to everyone who has been a part of reading a new post everyday.

The second celebration is that it is my 54th  wedding anniversary today.  I met my husband in September of 1965.  I was walking home from school and my older brother Augie introduced him to me.  Shortly after that day, my older brother and him were in a band together.  Every day Richard would come to my house for band practice and we became friends.  I thought he was such a nice guy but I never thought he would be interested in me. I remember thinking that he was the type of guy I could be married to the rest of my life.  About three months later he asked me out on a date and I graciously accepted.  We dated about 4 years and on June 27, 1969 we got married.

My father left our home when I was 13 years old.  He told me that he would be at the church to give me away on my wedding day.  My dad never showed up that day to walk me down the aisle, but I didn’t let it bother me.  It was still the happiest day of my life because I was going to marry my best friend, my soul-mate and the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Six years after we got married, we both became “born again” Christians.  We are not just building a life together, but we now partner with God to build the kingdom of heaven.

It has been 50 years of working through the issues of the day and learning to love each other as we move closer to our goals.

GOD GETS THE GLORY FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN OUR LIVES.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.

WIVES ARE FLAWLESS

The word “flawless” means without defect or weakness in a person’s character.

We many times use the excuse that we are not perfect.

This leaves a lot of room for us to excuse ourselves for bad BEHAVIOR.

We were made by a perfect God who made us in His image.

Gen.1:27 “ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”

When we look in the mirror in the morning, who stares back?  Someone worn and aged?  Someone who has a nose that is too big or too little?

Or do you see a child of God who is growing daily in his image?

What do you see when you look at your spouse?

Do you see someone who was made in the image of God?

You can be so occupied by your spouses flaws that you miss life’s beauty.

You can miss the beauty of the person that God made when he DESIGNED your spouse.

The word for God in Genesis is “Elohim” which occurs 32 times in that first chapter.

This name given to God “Elohim” , contains the idea of God’s creative power.

He created the heavens and the earth out of absolutely nothing.

God made it all, owns it all, and He can GIVE away it’s fruit to anyone he wants.

Elohim desires to use His creative power in your life now.

Often times we get upset with our spouse because we expect PERFECTION from them.

We expect our spouse to have creative power to solve all family issues, financial problems and any unexpected events.

God has UNLIMITED resources to accomplish his purposes.

So are wives flawless?

God’s Holy Spirit who dwells in us is flawless but our bodies have flaws.

This is why we must ASK God to be Lord of our lives.

Don’t forget that every human life, including your spouse’s, is sacred.

Don’t take God’s earthly blessings for GRANTED.

Don’t take your husband for granted.

Remember that you bear God’s image.

As a spouse, you are a representative of God’s perfect love.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

WITHOUT DISGUISE OR COVERING

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION in any relationship begins with transparency.  Transparency in marriage is described before the Fall, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” Gen.2:25

Before Adam and Eve sinned against God, they wore no disguise or covering, had no mask.  They were uncovered physically and had no need to cover up emotionally.  They couldn’t and wouldn’t hide anything from one another.  Adam and Eve were a picture of true transparency.  They were real with one another, and unafraid of rejection.

But this transparency totally changed after the Fall, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves covering”  Gen 3:7.  Those famous fig leaf aprons were only part of their cover-up.  Sin introduced a lot more than a need for modesty!  It also brought deceit, lying, trickery, half-truths, manipulation, mis-representation, distortion, hatred, jealousy, control, and many other vices, all prompting us to wear masks.

God’s plan for marriage has always been transparency and openness.  He never intended that couples engage in any kind of deceit, dishonesty, or any of the other problems that the Fall brought on the marriage relationship.

NOTE:  This article was taken from Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.

SATURDAY –  QUESTION & ANSWER 

Question #1.  My husbands teenage daughter just informed us that she is pregnant.  My question is, how far as a Christian parent do we go with this?  Do we participate in this child’s life?  My husband is not sure if we should cut his daughter off.  She lives out of state with her mother.  Do we support her in any of this?

Answer #1.  My answer will be on how to support your step daughter through this unfortunate situation.  She is pregnant, so we can’t go backwards.  At the age of 14, she is a child.  Your husband should make all the decisions concerning his daughter.  You can help him with suggestions only if he asks for them.  Do not let your feelings get hurt because this is not about you.  This is about his daughter and you need to be supportive to your husband decisions.  When you married your husband, you knew he had children.  God will show your husband, day by day, as to what he is to do in this situation.  This child was probably looking for love and attention in all the wrong places.  The child will now need all the love and attention that she can possibly get from her dad.  It may turn out that he will have to converse with the mother to make decisions.  Don’t allow jealousy or other workings of the flesh to take control of you.  This is a crucial time in his child’s life and he needs to put her first.  He should try to communicate with her on a daily basis.  Till she is at least 18, he needs to be hands on in her life.  He can never enjoy his life knowing that his daughters is messed up.  Give him his space to be withdrawn at times.  You are the “helpmeet” so assist him in whatever help he needs.  God will bless you for that and your husband will love you even more.

DIALOGUE: CONstructive instead of DEstructive

The word “dialogue” means a discussion between two persons intended to produce an agreement.

Dialogue is a gift you give to one another and it has no strings attached.

During confrontation, it is important that the communication lines stay OPEN.

Remember that the purpose of dialogue is to help you understand your spouse’s feelings.

Don’t focus on CHANGING your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Don’t focus on manipulating your spouse, focus on their feelings.

Try to not concentrate on how your partner thinks but how your partner feels.

It is your RESPONSIBILITY to try to understand and accept your spouse as he is.

Women are more relational then men because that is the way their brains are made.

Women communicate with their mothers, sisters, friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, and are usually easier conversationalists with strangers.

A woman’s God-given role is to be her husbands “helpmeet”.

When a wife adapts herself to her husband’s way of communicating, it is just another way of her fulfilling her role as a “helpmeet.”

When women are asked what her ideal husband would be like, she usually describes her best friend.

Wives don’t REALIZE that they are made to be different than their husbands and communicate different.

This is why woman are the ones who should learn to change.

CASE AND POINT:  Many years ago, my husband started to go through a different change in his life.  God spoke to my heart that I would have to learn who this different thinking husband was and adjust to what his needs are now.  I started to get depressed thinking that I couldn’t do this.  How do I even know what kind of a wife he needs?  Also, how do I know that I’m even capable of changing?   Third, what if I don’t want to change?  I realized that every decade “Cher” changes in order to survive and support herself.  She sang with her husband, then had a variety show ?changed her music style and made more albums.  All this she did for the almighty dollar.  If “Cher” could do that for money and fame, I could change to glorify God and please my husband.  SO I DID!!   It wasn’t easy, but I did it with the leading of the Holy Spirit and the love of God.  This month we will be married 50 years.  Hallelujah!!

Prov.21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

This is saying that a man would rather be alone in the world than to be in a house with an angry and argumentive woman.

You will NEVER get the results that you want by nagging.

A man will eventually shut down and withdraw if nagged because it is so demeaning to him.

You might be GLOATING because you have your husband do everything that you want  but is he holding resentment against you?

It is fine to remind your husband to do something again, but don’t say it in a demoralizing way.

Listen to your TONE of voice and to what exactly you are saying before you say it.

Don’t make statements like, “How many times do I have to say this before your brain understands it?”

SHOW YOUR HUSBAND RESPECT!!

Gal.5:15 NLT “But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out!  Beware of destroying one another.”

The key to warming your husbands heart is to show him “respect.”

This is your husband’s lifeline.

According to Gods principles, he does not have to earn RESPECT, you are commanded to show him respect out of duty.

We are taught in God’s word that gentleness and reverence are what will win a disobedient husband over.

Do you want your husband to be more RECEPTIVE when you talk?

Good!!  Give the poor guy the respect he craves.

Once you decide to change and humble your STUBBORN self to the Lord’s way, you will be shocked at what will happen to your husband.

Take the first step and begin to invest in your husband and in your marriage.

There will see a change as soon as your speech becomes CONstructive instead of DEstructive.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s blog.  Daily there is a new post.

GREAT MARRIAGES TAKE COURAGE

Marriage takes courage because it is something worth fighting for.

We need to put on our boxing gloves DAILY and fight for our marriage.

CASE AND POINT:  Oscar DeLaHoya was a champion boxer that the whole Hispanic community was proud of.  He invested a lot of money for children in the Barrio communities.  All his games were sold out with the Hispanic community dominating the seats.  Any Hispanic that you would talk to and mention Oscar’s name, they would respond with acalades.  His last fight was sold out months in advance.  There was excitement in the air.  But something happened that surprised everyone.  In one of the early rounds, Oscar DeLaHoya refused to come out.  He decided that he did not have what it took and that he would not be able to win the fight.  That could be the mistake of his life. The people at the boxing arena were furious.  They felt cheated.  It was in all the papers.  Oscar is no longer their hero.  Why??  Because he quit!!  They felt that he should have fought to the finish.

There is something about fighting to the finish.

It takes GUTS to work through all the emotions.

It takes guts to admit you are wrong and say you are sorry.

It takes COURAGE to give in to your spouse’s desires.

It takes courage to let down your guard and let your spouse see the real you.

It takes courage to change and choose to PLEASE your spouse.

Romans 16:17 “…mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.”

This verse is telling us that if our lives are not disciplined then the church is to stay away from us.

Rom.16:19 “Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you.”

In our marriages we need to take the road paved with diligence and perseverance.

The road to a successful marriage is rarely SIMPLE because as a spouse you need to be productive and hard-working.

Just as we do everything to be successful in our jobs, so should we do the same to be successful in our marriages.

The devil will tell you, “Why are you doing this?  Your spouse doesn’t appreciate you anyway!”

The beginning of a marriage is always exciting.

The DIFFICULT part is sticking through the rough stuff to the very end.

The real test is when the newness and the excitement is gone and the hard-work and commitment begins.

Stay committed to the VOWS you made to your husband and to God.

Punch it out and move forward with every ounce of your might.

Your spouse is WORTH it.

He loves you!  You are his choice!!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post.  Daily there is a new post.