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28 Apr


The wife often holds the key to the QUALITY of romance that is in the marriage.

On yesterdays post, we covered surveys where men scored high on wanting more romance in their marriage.

The confusion came when husbands FEARED failure in being successful to plan a romantic event.

We will be using the information from the book ,”For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.

So what are some of the things that a wife can do to support a romantic event?

First, encourage him.

For some reason, wives don’t think that their husbands need encouragement in an area like developing a romantic event.

Everyone needs encouragement, even the GREATEST of men.  Lets look at this next verse.

Deut.1:38 But Joshua the son of Nun, which standeth before thee, he shall go in tither: encourage him: for he shall cause Israel to inherit it.”

Listen up girls!!  Here are Moses, Joshua and others, who are great men, with great power.  You would think that they would not need encouragement, but they did.  Regardless of the amount of authority or responsibility, the possibility of failure is always present.

How much more do our husbands need it.

Your appreciation as his wife, is always necessary when your husband is outside his COMFORT zone, like planning a romantic event.

One man said, “Encourage me and affirm my effort, and I will run through a brick wall to please you.

Another husband said, “I am willing to be a fool for you, but just tell me that I did good.  And give me sex.  That helps too.”

Remember, many men view taking romantic initiative as a huge risk—a risk of “being humiliated” or “feeling inadequate”.

When he makes an effort, you have to prove to your man it’s not a risk!

The next time he asks you to “go outside and play”, don’t tell him that you have to do the dishes.  Remember, this is his version of a candlelight dinner.

Second, Entice him.

Many men have said that in work or in romance, they are always looking for something to conquer.

Keep it fresh—give him something to pursue.  Go with him for a walk, run, tennis, etc.

Make yourself the kind of friend and lover he constantly wants to PURSUE.

It is learning to give what the other person needs and enjoying the resulting God-ordained fruits of YOUR self-lessness.

The Christian walk is one of self-denial, which we are COMMANDED to live by.  Luke 9:23.

Third, keep him number one.

Are you putting a DAMPER on your husband’s enthusiasm by letting too many other priorities interfere with romance?

Are you unconsciously making your kids a priority over your husband?

On the survey, several men expressed that their wives spent too much time DOTING on the children and not enough doting on their relationship.

Many husbands have said that there is a sense of  “I’ve lost my wife”.

Some men said, “It’s not just the kids that steal my wife, it’s the whole “to do list”.

Is that you??  Do you have a “to do list” that is bigger than your quality time with hubby?

Has your husband lost his wife?

Right now you have a tremendous OPPORTUNITY to start over with your man!!


NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.


27 Apr


Of course men want romance, you silly rabbit!!!

But you don’t have to take my word for it.

In the book, “For Women Only”, by Shaunti Feldhahn, she did surveys on this subject so we will find out from the men themselves.

Let’s find out what men are really like when it comes to romance or do they just think about it differently than we do?

You might be thinking that it is just something they’re happy to put up with as long as they get sex afterward?

This next comment by Shaunti might surprise you or make you very happy.

According to her findings, most men feel that they are secret romantics who—like most of us—don’t experience nearly as much intimacy in their primary love relationship as they’d like.

The great news is that our husbands long for connection, togetherness, and a fun, intimate time…with us.

Most women think that men don’t really care about romance but men want romance, too.

On a survey, men were asked if they desired romantic events, regardless if they planned it or if their spouse planned it.

84% of the men said, YES, very much or YES, somewhat.

14% of the men said, they could take it or leave it.

2% said that they don’t care for it.

One husband responded, “I wish my wife knew that I needed romance, that I also needed touching and hugs as much as she does.”

Women think, well if men want to do romantic things, why don’t they?

According to the surveys taken, the male responses fall into two catchall categories:  internal hesitation and the “gender gap” in definitions of romance.

First, Internal Hesitation

Men were asked if they could put together a romantic event that you know your spouse would enjoy?

88% felt they could put together a romantic event.

The problem is that almost half, (46%) aren’t confident you’ll like their romantic efforts.

Three distinct concerns that caused hesitation.

  1. Self-doubt.  I won’t do a very good job.  This self-doubt turns into doing nothing at all.  He risks humiliation if he does it wrong.
  2. Haunted by romantic failures.  They may have failed in the past and are sensitive to criticism or teasing.
  3. It’s difficult to change gears.  Some men need to decompress somehow before he can think about being a romantic, loving husband.  After, a hard days work, a man needs his wife to understand and give him that time.  He will then be a happier and more available husband the rest of the evening.

Two gender gap definitions romance.

  1. Playing together is very romantic.  Men love to go out and do things together which is incredibly romantic.  The woman who is having fun with her husband is incredibly attractive.  They want to do “guy things” with their wives.  This is his version of a “candle-light dinner”.
  2. Romance without sex may not seem complete.  If men are romantic, they want sex.  After setting up a romantic event, it can be intensely disappointing to not have sex for him.  Romance is all about escaping—escaping with the one you love.

1Cor.4:7 “For who maketh thee to differ from another?”  We know that answer.   God made each one of us different.

Another survey was taken from men who were asked, “If you take sex out of the equation, which of the following do you find more romantic for yourself.”

Almost 60% of men desired the “traditional” (candle-light dinners, etc.) definition of romance.  Almost 40% desired an “active”  (hiking, etc.) model.

Have you been missing out on opportunities to have some romantic time with your “hubby” just because you didn’t know it was romantic.

Come on girls.  Let’s get with it.

A few weeks ago, I had a friend go to the shooting range with her husband for the first time.

She loved it!!  I won’t tell you who got the better score.  Wink!Wink!

John 10:10  “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

God desires that we have an abundant life with our spouse.

Whatever it takes girls!!  Every widow would agree with me!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily there is a new post.