PRINCIPLES FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE

PRINCIPLES FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE

NOTE:  This is an article from a book “101 things husbands do to annoy their wives” by Ray Comfort.  I normally do Questions and Answers but I felt you would really benefit from this portion of his book.

FIRST, establish a regular prayer life together. If you are in a high-rise building and there’s a fire, the correct response is to drop to your knees.  Because smoke rises, you will see more clearly from that position and will avoid the poisonous fumes.  Make your prayer-life so second nature to you both that the moment you find yourself in the fires of tribulation, you will drop to your knees.  You will see more on the knees of prayer than through the thick and confusing smoke of misfortune.

SECOND, aim to rid yourself of a selfish human nature.  A humble, “broken” spirit is found in one who is no longer living for himself.  I’ve counseled enough marriages to know what causes all breakups: it is simply a philosophy of “Not your will, but mine be done.”  Having a broken spirit means giving up your rights for the rights of your spouse.  Don’t be like the wife who told her marriage counselor, “It all started on our wedding day–when he wanted to be in the wedding photos!”  Don’t do anything “through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”

THIRD, make certain resolutions:

*  Never mention the word “divorce” during an argument.  The word should shock us.  The more it is used as an argumentative weapon, the less distasteful it will seem.  Avoid statements such as, “Sometimes I can really understand why some marriages end in divorce.”  If you both resolve that divorce is never an option, you will be motivated to work harder at having a good marriage.

*  Vow not to let your emotions lead you to say things you will regret.  You are most vulnerable to the one you confide in most–spouses know how to hurt each other.  If you feel unable to restrain your sharp tongue in an argument, wait until you have cooled off and can talk reasonably.

*  Learn how to say, “I’m sorry.”  Often I say I’m sorry not because I think I was in the wrong, but because the argument started in the first place.  A wife testified at the closing of a divorce proceedings, “It all started when he walked out and slammed the door.”  The husband butted in, “I didn’t slam the door!”  It was discovered that the wind had caught it.  If only forgiveness and humility had been there the day that happened, rather than presumption and pride.

*  Be aware of your own faults.  Remember, the proverb, “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes.”  The husband who says, “I have never made a mistake” has a wife who made a big one.

*  Agree never to argue in front of your children.  You will lose their respect, cause them to question the security of their home, and ruin your reputation in front of those most important to you.

*  Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.  Don’t “sleep on it,” because it will fester and eventually poison you.

FOURTH, show love and respect toward each other.  Although some with the ” Women’s Liberation” mentality believe that the biblical husband/wife relationship is one of a master and a well-trained dog, they couldn’t be further from the truth.  The Bible does speak of women as the “weaker vessel,” which is true physically.  However, the biblical order is: as a strong, thorny stem upholds the tender, easily bruised, sweet-smelling rose, so should the husband uphold, love, and respect his wife.  When you study a rose, notice how the leaves reach from the stem and embrace the delicate flower.  So the arms of the husband should embrace his wife.  That is God’s order.

Again, the Bible commands husbands, “Love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”  Men will obey this only to the extent that they understand how much Christ loved the church.  I once spoke at a men’s camp to about eighty men, and told them that if they treated their wives sacrificially like this, they would no doubt be rewarded by their wives in a way that all men enjoy.  For the next several seconds, you could have heard a pin drop.  Suddenly one man, voicing the thought of the entire group, hollered, “Alright!”  The room erupted with spontaneous joy, laughter, and loud amens. Ladies, if your husband doesn’t open the car door for you when you get home at night, stay in the car until he does.  If, however, you see the bedroom light switch off, give up and try again another time.  Husbands, if you know what’s good for you, show respect for your wife.  It will become mutual, and you will be rewarded.  You will reap what you sow, and thus enrich and lift your marriage.

FIFTH, communicate.  The Bible says that when a man and woman are joined in marriage, they “become one flesh.”  Sue and I met while we were working in a bank.  At work we are called “the budgies” because we used to sit together each day and I would peck at her lunch.  Nothing has changed.  Not only is Sue my wife, but she’s my best friend.

A man once said to his wife, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time.”  The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.  God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.”

These things won’t come naturally.  There is, however, one powerful thought to help us remember why men should be the ones who change:

God made man from dirt.

For the woman He used prime rib.

NOTE:  Tomorrows post will have new exciting marital tips.