19 Jun


Question #1.  The only emotion my husband shows is anger, when we talk or I try to communicate.  Therefore, my first reaction is to also get mad.  What can I do to diffuse the matter and communicate effectively?

Answer #1.  You are not to blame yourself for your husband’s anger.  There could be an array of reasons for it.  When someone commits their life to Jesus, He gently walks you through recovery.  Someone without Jesus in their life, turns to anything that will temporarily relieve the pain.  Evidently, God has given him a great wife, who is willing to let God take care of the process or you would not have asked the question.  The following is an article by Steve Arterbum called “10 Ways You Can Overcome Anger.”  Hopefully you will be able to glean some nuggets from this to help you with your situation.  Remember that God gives you “Double for your Trouble.”   He will strengthen you and bless you for partnering with the Holy Spirit to be the “helpmeet” God desires you to be.


1.  One of the key steps to overcoming anger is to identify the object of your anger.  Many people who struggle with chronic anger aren’t even sure what they’re angry about.  When you identify what you’re angry about you can begin the process of dealing with it.

2.  One of the goals of an angry person can be to draw attention to themselves.  They often feel that negative attention is better than no attention at all.  If you don’t feel loved or needed, this may be a root cause of your anger.

3.  Accept the fact that most things in the world are out of your control.  If you try to continually control your family, friends or circumstances you will ultimately destroy you.

4.  The root of your anger may lie in a lack of forgiveness.  If you’ve never forgiven someone who’s hurt you, you’re caught in a vicious trap that will ultimately destroy you.

5.  Many who struggle with anger hate themselves.  Self-hatred can be used as a tool to control your emotions.  You may need to learn new skills to control your emotions in a positive way.

6.  You may be angry about things your family or friends have done to you in the past, even decades ago.  This is called residual anger.  It is possible to resolve this anger and move on with your life, but you must be willing to spend time identifying the root of your problem and choosing to forgive those who have hurt you.

7.  There are some legitimate physical causes for anger.  If you suspect your problem may be related to a chemical imbalance in your body,  be evaluated by a qualified psychiatrist.

8.  In truth, no one can “make you angry,” even though they can provoke you.  You can control your response to people and circumstances.

9.  There is a place for “righteous anger,” when one of God’s principles is violated.  Scripture does admonish us to “not let the sun go down on our anger” though.  In other words, when you feel angry, it is important to deal with it and move past it as soon as possible.

10.  If you or a family member is struggling with anger issues, they’re not likely to go away by themselves.  It is necessary to identify the cause of the anger and take proactive steps to resolve it.

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