SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

There have been many questions on the subject of dating.  Since there are not scriptures in the bible directly related on courtship, I have hesitated to address this subject.  Today what I will post, will be as close to Gods word as I can get.  Much of it will be my opinion and the wisdom of God through the experience of decades of pastoring.  Sad to say, but the couples that didn’t follow our guidelines, have had many marital problems and many are not married today.

Question #1.  Is it okay to date?  What are your guidelines for dating?  What does the bible say about dating?

Answer #1.

First,  in answer to the question about what the bible says about dating, there are no direct guidelines.

Second, in answer to the question is it okay to date, I would need more information on what is their interpretation of dating.

Third, in answer to the question, what are the guidelines for dating, read the following:

1.  We always suggest that the couple who first starts liking each other, Pray.  The bible says to “make your requests be known to God.”  If singles try out the person before praying, there will be a lot of broken hearts in the process.  Remember that the person you are interested in, could one day be some one elses future mate.  At this point, they should observe their spiritual walk.  Are they at church, prayer, and ministry.  Try not to communicate with them at this point because your emotions will run away with you.  Your decision to continue on with the relationship will be based on emotions not from a divine answer from God.

2.  After you have prayed and feel assured that this is the right person, we suggest that they get to know each other in a group setting.  This is usually at church, church functions, ministry functions and casual events.  So much is accomplished in this setting.  You both get to observe each other, around other people.   They say if a wife wants to learn what her husband enjoys, just invite the guys from his work over for a bar-b-que.  As she listens to the conversation, she will learn a lot about her husband.  Group observation is of the utmost importance.  During the praying period, they can also be in a group setting but we have found it is best not to inform anyone else that they are interested in each other.  This will keep from getting a lot of people involved if there is a decision to not go ahead with the relationship.  Don’t pair off.

3.  Once you have prayed, observed the person with their peers and are even more convinced this could be the right person for you, then there should be more one-on-one conversation.  At this point, we suggest that they should not be out alone.  At this point, you should start asking many questions.  I tell the women to be nosey about everything.  Past marriages or relationships.  Find out why they did not work out.  Do they have children?  Recreational activities, family relationships, career, boundaries, children, future vision, and dislikes.  You must know what they expect in a spouse.  There should be an array of questions answered at that point.  If you are intimidated to ask, this will continue on in your relationship.

4.  Now is the time that the man definitely should speak with their clergy.  They have now prayed, observed, and have enquired from each other if they are even compatible.  The intention of the clergy conversation should be for engagement.  If it is not, then it looks like he is just playing with her emotions and he has no intentions of ever marry her.  If he says he does have intentions, but it will be years before he is ready to marry, that is very unfair to the girl.  If she agrees that she would like time before engagement, then at that point they should come to some kind of an agreement.  On many occasions, we suggest that they cancel the relationship till they are ready to be engaged.  This helps the couples to not become physically involved but the choice is theirs.

5.  Choose to keep your relationship at a friendship level.  At this next stage there is a lot of temptations to overcome. Remember, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”  1Cor.6:19-20 NIV  Christians are held to a higher standard than the world.  Let the Holy Spirit guide you.  The goal in any Christian relationship is to honor God.  We suggest that they not get involved with each others family.  They are not engaged and it makes it real hard on family if it doesn’t work out.  The family takes it harder than the couples themselves.

6.  Choose not to kiss or have sexual relations.  A kiss begins to sexually stimulate a man instantly.  Include others to be around you that way physical issues will be less distracting.   Always treat each other with respect.

7.  The last stage is engagement.  At this point we then tell the couple they must be very careful.  The devil will hit them with every kind of temptation.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honest, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if it has excellence  or is praiseworthy–think about such things.”  Phil.48 (NIV)

Once again, we have found that the many couples who have embraced these guidelines, have kept their virginity till married.  They have excellent marriages and continue to honor God by practicing morality towards their wife.  Although the guidelines seem stringent, the couple admit that when they have children, they will want them to practice celibacy till marriage.  Keep in mind all the different kinds of venereal diseases that condoms cannot protect from.  Gods word always condemns immoral actions.

NOTE: Don’t miss tomorrows post.  Daily  we have a new post.