ADJUSTING TO BEING A STEPPARENT

11 Oct

family

ADJUSTING TO BEING A STEPPARENT

If you or your spouse have children from a first marriage, you are taking on a very difficult task.

I have taken a portion from the book,”Helping Children Survive Divorce” by Dr. Archibald D. Hart.

Your family will need to make a series of important adjustments.

These adjustments fall into three clearly identifiable phrases.

First, there is the “honeymoon” phase.

Everyone is polite to each other.

The atmosphere may be a little strained, but no outward friction is evident yet.

Second, there is the “conflict” phase.

The  honeymoon is over and reality emerges.

Everyone is short-tempered, impatient, and intolerant even of small mistakes.

Little things irritate, and at times it seems as if the family will blow apart.

Third, There is the “contented” phase.

If the marriage survives the second stage, a final contented stage emerges.

All the necessary adjustments have been made, the corners have been knocked off tempers, and the irritating habits of the new spouse have become acceptable to all.

At last, familiarity brings comfort.

Making it to the third stage requires careful attention to the following points:

*  Do not force a new spouse to become a substitute parent to your children, even if your ex-spouse has totally abandoned this role.

*  Don’t rush the second phase of the remarriage process.

*  Keep communication with your children open at all times.

*  Don’t take sides, either with your children or with your new spouse.

*  Remind your new spouse that it is very normal for children, especially in the early stages of remarriage to feel a sense of betrayal and to be angry.

*  Keep all discipline free of anger.

Please note that we make every effort to encourage people not to divorce.  Children suffer even through adulthood.  This is to help those who have already remarried or are thinking of remarriage.  It is a long hard road and there is a 74% divorce rate.  This is to help those who have already remarried.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

One Response to “ADJUSTING TO BEING A STEPPARENT”

  1. ICT Genealogist October 11, 2019 at 12:41 pm #

    Before I got married, my future in-laws loved me. They had nothing but positive things to say about me. Yet, nobody in the family, including my future wife, warned me what would happen once we got married. Some step-parent 100+ years ago did something that branded all future step-parents as sub-human. Had I known that, I would not have married my now ex. I After getting married, I talked to her uncle by marriage. He said it took the family 25+ years to stop treating him like an evil step-parent. His step-children loved him and weren’t part of the family that treated him badly. My step-son was young enough he hadn’t formed an opinion either way. A few years after our divorce, he opted to move in with his birth father.

    In a weird twist, there were cases where the family disowned a family member because they liked the ex-in law more than the family member.

    My suggestion is for anyone considering becoming a step-parent – find out more about how future in-laws and the step-children treat step-parents before taking the plunge.It shouldn’t be the only factor in making your choice, but it shouldn’t be lightly discounted either.

    Known

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: