QUARRELS ARE SELFISH ACTS THAT DESTROY

                      QUARRELS ARE SELFISH ACTS THAT DESTROY

Quarrels center in a desire for recognition, honor, power, pleasure, money and superiority.

It is a selfish act that DESTROYS children for life and leaves the possibility for a break-up.

 A study of children six years after the breakup of their parents showed that even after all that time, these children still suffered from unhappiness, insecurity, loneliness and anxiety.  (Journal of American academy of child and adolescent Psychiatry 1991 by Wallerstein)

James 4:1-3 “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.  You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasure.”

Arguing is narcissism.  It is an exceptional interest and admiration for yourself.

The single best measure of being emotionally healthy and being a grownup is the capacity for bilateral (2-sided) listening.

There are two speakers and they both count.

Instead of listening to your spouses point of view, your ANGER continues to get the better of you.

You speak with resentment that you know you will regret later.

Does your spouse’s concern count as much as YOUR concern counts?

Only after you have heard the opposing side should you feel free to speak yourself.

“…lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19 MSG

Even though this verse is difficult to heed to, this is VITAL for a healthy marriage.

If so, what is your level of maturity?

With one being low and ten being high, what level are you on?

If you give your spouse a chance, it will lead to a much more constructive conversation.

Before a marital confrontation, three things are REQUIRED to make it productive.

First humility: “By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life.”

Second is Compromise:  You need a WIN-WIN situation.  You both need to give in and you both need to get something.

Third is Dialogue:  He talks, you listen.  She talks, you listen.

Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

 Prov. 15:4 “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.”

This is saying that viciousness kills life.

Do you want to KILL your marriage?

Well, you are!!!

Every time you argue and don’t show humility, or compromise and listening you have brought a breach into your marriage.

Your words cannot be put back into your mouth.

You have said enough things in your marriage that you wish you hadn’t.

Do you want to add more??

The choice is yours.

CHOOSE LIFE, NOT DEATH!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.