LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

PEACE FOR YOUR SOUL

THE CHRISTIAN FAITH is not a bunch of rules and regulations, but rather a dynamic relationship with the living God made possible through the work of Jesus Christ.  You are to “love the Lord your God and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deut.11:13).  When we fully grasp that fact, we are well on our way to living victoriously in every area of our lives, including marriage.

Loving God fully is the foundation of a great marriage.   Loving God whole-heartedly means we obey Him, serve Him, and yield to Him.  Totally.  That’s really the only hope that two imperfect people, a husband and a wife, have in truly experiencing all that God has for their lives, marriage and family.  True success in life begins here and flows from this kind of relationship.

Let’s face it–being married isn’t always easy.  There will be conflicts, illnesses, and external challenges.  We need to learn how we fully love God and yield our wills to Him, knowing that He cares for us and that He is causing all things to work together for our good and for His glory (see Rom.8:28; 1Pet.5:7).

The peace and assurance I need to be a good husband and father doesn’t always come instantly; it’s not like flipping on a switch.  In the past, I’ve expected that Christ would instantly give me peace and strength to deal with my problems and needs and pressures.  But I’ve learned that coming to Jesus with open hands is just the first step in a long process of learning from Him and receiving from Him.

NOTE:  This article is from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainy.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

“SHE DOES HIM GOOD..” Prov.31:12a

Bless your husband by praying for him!

The Apostle Paul instructed all Christians to pray for one another (Eph.6:18).  This includes wives’ responsibility and privilege to pray for their husbands.  Earnest prayer for your husband is good for him, for you and the spiritual health of your home (Prov.31:11-12).  Satan desires to destroy your husband, especially his character and his leadership in your relationship.  Trust God through prayer as you daily surrender your husband and marriage to the Lord’s wise, loving care.

31 Days of Prayer

Day 1

Pray that your husband will grow spiritually and consider his accountability before the Lord.  Pray that he will guard his heart by developing spiritual disciplines–bible reading and study, prayer, mediation, scripture memorization, etc.  (2Pet.3:18; Prov.4:23)

Day 2

Pray that your husband’s relationship with God and His Word will bear fruit in his life.  Pray that he will be a man of wisdom and understanding, fearing the Lord.  (Prov.3:7, 9:10; Ps.112:1)

Day 3

Pray that your husband will be humble and quick to agree with God about his sin.  Pray that his heart will be tender toward the voice of the Lord.  (Ps.51:2-4; Micah 6:8)

Day 4

Pray that your husband will grow in leadership skills in your relationship–protecting and providing for you.  Pray that he will lead you wisely and love you sacrificially, so that God will be glorified in your marriage.  (Eph.5:25-29; Col.3:19)

Day 5

Pray that your husband will be faithful to his wedding vows.  Pray that he will have a desire to cultivate your relationship as a sign of his loyalty and commitment to you, and as a picture of Christ’s love for the Church.  (Prov.20:6; Gen.2:24)

Day 6

Pray that you husband will love righteousness and hate wickedness, especially the evils of the culture.  Pray that he will recognize and avoid wickedness in his own life, and if necessary, take a clear, strong stand against evil.  (Prov.27:12;  1Cor.10:12-13)

Day 7

Pray that your husband will safeguard his heart against inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex.  Pray that his heart will be pure and undivided in his commitment to you.  (Prov.6:23-24, 26; Rom.13:14)

Day 8

Pray that your husband will work hard to provide for your family, to the best of his ability.  Pray that the character qualities necessary for a successful career and ministry will be a growing part of his character – persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, positive relationships with people, determination, etc. (Rom.12:11; 1Cor.15:58)

Day 9

Pay that your husband handle finances wisely, will have discernment concerning budgeting and investments, and will be a good steward of his money in regard to giving to the Lord’s work.  Pray that money will not become a source of discord in your family.  (Prov.23:4-5; Rom.12:13; Heb.13:5)

Day 10

Pray that your husband will cultivate strong integrity, and not compromise his convictions.  Pray that his testimony will be genuine, that he will be honest in his business dealings, and will never do anything that he needs to hide from others.  (Prov.20:7; 1Tim.1:5, 3:7; Eph.6:10-12)

Day 11

Pray that your husband will have a humble, teachable spirit and a servant’s heart before the Lord.  Pray that he will listen to God and desire to do His will.  (Prov.15:33; Eph.6:6)

Day 12

Pray that your husband will yield his sexual drive to the Lord and practice self-control.  Pray that your sexual intimacy together will be fresh, positive, and a reflection of selfless love.  (Prov.5;15, 18; 1Cor.7:3; Song of Solomon 7:10)

Day 13

Pray that your husband use practical skills to build your family and make wise decisions for your welfare.  Pray that he will serve unselfishly.  (Gal.5:13; Phil.2:3-4)

Day 14

Pray that your husband will speak words that build you and your family, and reflect a heart of love.  Pray that he will not use filthy language.  (Prov.18:21; Eph.4:29)

Day 15

Pray that your husband will choose his friends wisely.  Pray that God will bring him men who will encourage his accountability before God, and will not lead him into sin.  (Prov.13:20; 27:17)

Day 16

Pray that your husband will choose healthy, God-honoring activities.  Pray that he will not live in bondage to any questionable habits or hobbies, but that he will experience freedom in holiness as he yields to the Spirit’s control.  (1Cor.6:12; 10:31; 2Tim.2:4)

Day 17

Pray that your husband will enjoy his manliness as he patterns his life after Christ and strong men in the faith.  Pray for his physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual strength.  (Eph.3:16; 1Pet.2:21; 1Cor.10:11)

Day 18

Pray that your husband will have an eternal perspective–living in light of eternity.  Pray that he will reject materialism and temporal values and put God first in his life.  (Matt.6:33; Deut.6:5; Eph.516; Psa.90:12)

Day 19

Pray that your husband will be patient and a man of peace.  Pray that he will not give in to anger, but will allow the Holy Spirit to control his responses.  (Rom.14:19; Psa.34:14)

Day 20

Pray that your husband will yield his mind and thoughts to the Lord. Pray that he will not entertain immoral or impure thoughts, and that he will resist the temptation to indulge in pornography.  (Prov.27:12; 2Cor.10:5)

Day 21

Pray that your husband will learn how to relax in the Lord and, in his greatest times of stress, find joy and peace in his relationship with God.  Pray that he will submit his schedule to the Lord.  (Neh.8:10; Prov.17:22; Psa.16:11)

Day 22

Pray that your husband will practice forgiveness in your relationship and with others.  Pray that he will recognize any roots of bitterness, and yield any resentment and unforgiving attitudes to the Lord.  (Eph.4:32; Heb.12:15)

Day 23

Pray that your husband will be a good father–disciplining his children wisely and loving them unconditionally.  If he is not a father, pray that he will find a young man to mentor in the things of the Lord.  (Eph.6:4; Col.3:21; 2Tim.2:1-2)

Day 24

Pray that your husband will have a balanced life–that he will balance work and play.  Pray that he will fear God, but also gain favor with people he knows at work and church.  (Luke 2:52; Prov.13:15)

Day 25

Pray that your husband will be courageous in his stand against evil and injustice, and that he will stand for the truth.  Pray that he will protect you and your family from Satan’s attacks.  (Ps.31:24; Eph.6:13; Ps.27:14)

Day 26

Pray that your husband will discover and live his God-given purpose.  Pray that he will offer all his dreams to the Lord, and pursue only those goals that will bring God glory and count for eternity.  (Jer.29:11; 1Cor.10:31)

Day 27

Pray that your husband will understand the importance of taking care of his body–the temple of the Holy Spirit–for the glory of God.  Pray that he will practice self-control by making wise food choices, and get sufficient exercise to stay healthy.  (Rom.12:1-2; 1Cor.6:19-20, 9:27)

Day 28

Pray that your husband will be a man of prayer.  Pray that he will seek and pursue God in purposeful quiet times.  (1Thess.5:17; Luke 22:46; James 5;16)

Day 29

Pray that your husband will surrender his time and talents to the Lord.  Pray that his spiritual gifts will be manifest in his career, at church, and in your home.  (Eph.5:15-16; ICor.12:4, 7)

Day 30

Pray that your husband will serve God and others with pure motives.  Pray that he will obey the Lord from his heart, and glorify Him in everything.  (1Cor.10:13; John 7:17-18; Col.3:23-24)

Day 31

Pray that your husband will recognize the lies of the Enemy in his life.  Pray that his attitudes and actions will be guided by the truth as he brings his thoughts into captivity to the Word of God.  (John 8:44; 2Cor.10:4-5)

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

BAIT SATAN USES 

Satan uses bait to get us into his pit of unforgiveness.

Just like fisherman use different bait for different kinds of fish, the ENEMY knows what to use on each and every one of us.

Do we have a chance against his strategies that have worked for centuries?

NO!  But Jesus has made a way for us.

He has left us His word and His precious Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance.

What does God’s word say?!?

1Pet.3:9 “Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.”

The word “reviling”  in the Greek means SLANDER.

Paul is talking to married people.

These people Paul is talking to considers himself victimized, oppressed, mishandled, harassed, violated, defiled, imposed upon wrongly, debased and humiliated.

In spite of how they feel being violated by their spouse, he still tells them not to slander their mate.

“Slander” is one of the things God hates.

Luke 17:1  “Then said He unto His disciples, it is impossible that no offenses will come…”

This is a warning, we will definitely be offended by our spouses at some time or another.

God is trying to give us insight because satan will use bait as an opportunity to receive God’s “divine power”.

Are you listening??????   Listen up!!!

Verse 17 is giving you insight and your not listening??  Why??

The enemy plays for keeps and he is dying to trap your marriage and destroy your destiny.

The enemy is paying ATTENTION how about you?

How do you forgive insult and injury?

This is your opportunity to receive Gods “divine power.”

Forgiveness was the force that kept Christ on the cross.

FORGIVENESS IS POWER!!

Nothing takes more “divine power” than forgiving someone including your spouse.

Forgiveness is the ability to withstand the gates of hell.

That is why verse 9 calls it a “Blessing” to forgive.

Bitterness and unforgiveness must be dealt with all the way to the root or they will spring up over and over again.

Forgiveness is God’s “divine power” being manifested through you.

It’s your choice.  BAIT or “divine power”.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

MASTERING MARITAL RESENTMENT

The words resentment and bitterness in the Greek refer to poison.

Resentment is poisonous to your physical health and your mental health.

You can’t build your happiness on your spouse’s unhappiness.

God’s word tells us exactly what to do with “resentment.”

Eph.4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and anger, along with every form of malice.”

I hope you got the message spouses!!??!!

Get rid of it!

Take responsibility for your own actions with the part you played and stop blaming your spouse for everything!

Resentment destroys everyone around you including yourself.

Heb.12:15 “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Psychologist Dr. Archibald Hart in his book, “Helping Children Survive Divorce” states that psychology by itself does not have a solution.  He states that only the GOSPEL OF CHRIST is capable of healing the deepest human hurt at its very root.

Resentments destructive power comes from several sources:

• Resentment never Forgets.

Resentment best fits our “lower nature.”  (animal nature)

We enjoy resentment because it feeds self-pity.

• Resentment exaggerates all subsequent hurts.
• Resentment destroys happiness and prevents contentment.

If we were left to our own devices we would self-destruct.

• Resentments cure is revenge.

Steps to defuse the destructive power of resentment:

• Dispose of your need for Revenge.
• Declare your forgiving spirit to your spouse who has hurt you.
• Deliberately turn your resentment into kindness.

Confess the sin of unforgiveness.

Allow the Holy Spirit to fill and control your life.

When the Holy Spirit is in control, this is the fruit it produces.

• Love and joy pushes all bitterness out.
• Peace will come into your soul.
• Longsuffering will deal with bitterness and any other problems.
• Gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance are fruits of righteousness.

CASE AND POINT:  I have faults, but one of them is not to be bitter or hold resentment.  I get angry then get over it and forget it.  That is part of my nature.  When my spouse does something and I am feeling very hurt and resentful, I feel ugly inside.  I know that my actions are hurting God.  The last thing I want to do is to quench the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is all I have in life.  I don’t want to do anything that hurts God.  This is the key that helps and guides my actions.

If you love God, you will not want to hurt your spouse because it hurts God.

Once again, you cannot build your happiness on your spouses unhappiness.

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A PROBLEM, HE IS YOUR PRIORITY!!

ARGUMENTS LEAD TO BREAK-UPS 

Quarrels center in a desire for recognition, honor, power, pleasure, money and superiority.

It is a selfish act that DESTROYS children for life and leaves the possibility for a break-up.

 A study of children six years after the breakup of their parents showed that even after all that time, these children still suffered from unhappiness, insecurity, loneliness and anxiety.  (Journal of American academy of child and adolescent Psychiatry 1991 by Wallerstein)

James 4:1-3 “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.  You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasure.”

Arguing is narcissism.  It is an exceptional interest and admiration for yourself.

The single best measure of being emotionally healthy and being a grownup is the capacity for bilateral (2-sided) listening.

There are two speakers and they both count.

Instead of listening to your spouses point of view, your ANGER continues to get the better of you.

You speak with resentment that you know you will regret later.

Does your spouse’s concern count as much as YOUR concern counts?

Only after you have heard the opposing side should you feel free to speak yourself.

“…lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19 MSG

Even though this verse is difficult to heed to, this is VITAL for a healthy marriage.

If so, what is your level of maturity?

With one being low and ten being high, what level are you on?

If you give your spouse a chance, it will lead to a much more constructive conversation.

Before a marital confrontation, three things are REQUIRED to make it productive.

First humility: “By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life.”

Second is Compromise:  You need a WIN-WIN situation.  You both need to give in and you both need to get something.

Third is Dialogue:  He talks, you listen.  She talks, you listen.

Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

 Prov. 15:4 “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.”

This is saying that viciousness kills life.

Do you want to KILL your marriage?

Well, you are!!!

Every time you argue and don’t show humility, or compromise and listening you have brought a breach into your marriage.

Your words cannot be put back into your mouth.

You have said enough things in your marriage that you wish you hadn’t.

Do you want to add more??

The choice is yours.

CHOOSE LIFE, NOT DEATH!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

A STRONG MARRIAGE NEEDS KNOWLEDGE

Every Sunday morning, thousands of preachers present polished gems—sermons filled with outstanding biblical knowledge.  But what do we usually do?  After the message, we dutifully sing a song, listen to a prayer, and hustle out by noon.

Where do we take the time to assimilate what we’ve heard?  Too often we gather up the kids, grab a bite to eat, and launch into our Sunday afternoon routine.

Even Balaam, a non-Israelite prophet who apparently really did hear from God, understood the importance of acquiring “the words of God, and…the knowledge of the Most High” (Num.24:16).  Such knowledge is more than mere information—it’s a knowledge that results in convictions and applications.  It’s a truly teachable spirit that applies God’s truth and blueprints amidst the raw realities of life.

Many of us need accountability in order to apply what we’ve learned.  We need someone who will break through our self-built fences and our crowded loneliness and ask us if we are applying to our marriages what we’ve learned from God’s Word in our marriage and family relationships.  Do you have a friend who regularly checks up on you?

Balaam, by the way, didn’t  have such an accountability partner– and he wound up on the sharp side of a Hebrew sword (see Josh.13:22).  Learn from his mistake!

NOTE:  This was an article from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

HUSBAND GAINS UNATTRACTIVE WEIGHT

This question was taken from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question:

What can a woman do when her husband gains an unattractive amount of weight?

Answer:  

An important ingredient of any marriage is the need for husbands and wives to please each other.  Obviously, no husband can lose weight overnight; but if he is seeking to please his wife, then he can make an effort to look sharp and attractive.

Pray that the Lord would grant you opportunities to express how you feel in a gentle and supportive way.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help.  Ask God to help you avoid bitterness toward your husband.  Don’t become preoccupied with the negative, but give him some grace, and love him.

Remember as well that while weight does matter, other issues are more important than external appearance.  Ask God to help you focus on the things that matter most–your husband’s spiritual maturity and his leadership of the family and the marriage, character, faithfulness at work and at home.

If the relationship is healthy  and he is meeting your needs and encouraging you and loving you, and you are focusing on what is most important, I think the old statement, “Love is blind,” is true.  Weight issues don’t  have to get in the way.

THE POISON OF COMPLAINING

Few things steal the joy and harmony in a marriage than complaining and grumbling.  Let’s take a look at what God’s Word says about complaining and why we need to avoid it.

1.  Realize that complaining is dangerous.  In recent days a number of Christian leaders have fallen into immorality– and I have wondered how many more Christians have been declared unusable by God because of their complaining.  If the enemy of our soul can’t derail us through lust or immorality, then he will seek a different bait for his trap.  For many of us, that snare is the temptation to gripe, grumble, and complain against God (Num.14:27; 1Cor.9:24-10:13).  Illicit sex is not the only sin that puts Christians on the sidelines!

2.  Remember, God knows what He is doing.  The Old Testament hero Joseph is a great example for me.  First, his brothers threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery.  Then he’s unjustly accused of fooling around with Potiphar’s wife, thrown into prison, forgotten by a friend he had helped, and yet Scripture doesn’t record a single complaint.  He could’ve become bitter against his brothers.  He didn’t.  He could’ve smashed his fist against the prison walls and complained about his unjust circumstances.  He didn’t.

What was the secret of his complaint-free life?  The answer is found in Gen.45:5-8, where we find Joseph, now the governor  of Egypt, addressing his starving brothers, “And now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves…because God has sent me before you to preserve life.”   Three times in four verses Joseph says, “God sent me here.” Joseph grasped the truth that God is in control and that He knows what He is doing.

3.  Put away past complaints that may have turned bitter.  A grudge is an aging complaint, still actively held.  The longer you carry a complaint, the greater the probability it will become a grudge too heavy to handle.  If you have a complaint against a brother–or your spouse–go to him or her in private and clear the slate.

4.  Keep on giving thanks in all things (1Thess.5:18).  This is not just some power of positive thinking approach!  No, we will never give thanks unless we see God as the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe, at work in our lives through our circumstances, even the ones we don’t especially care for.

NOTE:  This article was taken from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

Question #1.  I have several children and my husband expected the house to be clean and neat.  Is that fair and should he put that much importance on our home?

Answer #1.  Your home is important not only to your husband and your children, but to God.  God has a lot to say about your home.  2Kings 20:1 “Set your house in order…”

Listen to Proverbs 14:1  “The wise woman builds her house.”  

Woman are told in this verse to use wisdom in building your house.

Although you may look at your home life as being an important role, cleanliness may not be a priority.

In Proverbs 14:1, the verse ends with “…The foolish (woman) plucketh it down with her hands.”

This verse is telling us that the foolish woman is mismanaging her home.  By doing that, she is not fulfilling what not only the family, but what God expects of her.

Woman are suppose to be doing the work that makes a house a home.

Your husband should make the determination of that.

In Proverbs 14:1, this woman is spending her time on frivolous things.  Things that are not important to her husband.

If your reason for not cleaning is tiredness, we are all tired.  Find the time of day when you have the most energy and then do the things that take the most strength.

If it is that the children take up your time, then there are things you must cut out of your life.

Management skills can be learned.

Ask God to help you.  Your home is important to him.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARITAL RELATIONSHIP RULE #1

Do you find that many times when your spouse says something to you, you lose control, and say something out of line?

Instead of listening to your spouse’s point of view, you let your anger speak out of resentment, only to REGRET every word later on.

God knows that these occasions will happen from time to time.

He has the ANSWER in His word.

“…let each one of you (husbands) also must love his own wife as himself, and so the wife must respect her husband.”

This verse is the summary statement of the greatest treatise on marriage in the New Testament.

One of the greatest books on marriage is “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich.  This book is a must for every marriage.

Without LOVE,  the wife reacts without RESPECT.

Without RESPECT, the husband reacts without LOVE.

In Emerson’s book he calls this the “Crazy Cycle”.

The wife tells herself that she is not going to treat her husband  with respect till he shows her love by doing what she wants.

Then, the husband tells HIMSELF that he is not going to love her by doing what she wants till she starts treating him with respect.

They go around and around and around with neither one pleasing their spouse.

It may sound silly, but it is not FUNNY at all.

It happens in every marriage and it is a marriage killer.

Pride sets in and now every one  is stuck on “STUPID!”

Does that sound familiar?????  Of course it does.

It only takes one partner to get off the “Crazy Cycle” and the cycle stops.

My husband does not like to argue.

However, there are times that we do argue about ISSUES.

I make it a point every day to be the one to get off the “Crazy Cycle.”

If I feel the conversation is starting to get out of control and neither one of us is listening anymore, we are both talking, I choose to stop.

If you love God and care about your marriage, GET OFF THE CRAZY CYCLE..

You have a choice and you cannot blame anyone else for the chaos in your marriage.

My CHOICE is to respect my husband even if he is not showing love by doing what I ask.

Every day I get off the “crazy cycle.”

What about you??

STAYING  STUPID??!?!?

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.