LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

LOVE  NEVER GIVES UP

“Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.  John 13:1

If your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can be more daunting with each passing day.

But marriage is not a contract with convenient escape clauses and selfish exception wordings.

Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal.

There’s no going back.

There’s no opting out.

There’s nothing in the world that should sever what God has joined together.

Your love is based on a covenant.

And your covenant is based on the changing character of a covenant-keeping God.

The prophet Malachi wrote that one reason God withholds His blessing is that He hates divorce and is angered when husbands deal treacherously with their wives, breaking the covenant they made (Malachi 2:16).

Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me, and we’ll see if it works out.”

But realizing it as a covenant changes it around to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”

Questions

Have you committed to your marriage for life?

Could you remind your spouse of your lifelong covenant with them?

Why not renew your love in a creative way?

NOTE:  This article is from the book, “The Love Dare – Day by Day authored by Kendrick

NOTE:  Every day there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DON’T TOUCH, WET PAINT

When you were a kid do you remember how tempting it was to touch anything that had a sign on it that read: Don’t touch!  Wet paint!

I was raised with five brothers and I always remember that my mom would go to do the wash and start asking them where they had been to get paint all over their clothes.

Just like paint is very tempting for kids, as adults, we each have areas in our life that is tempting.

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”  Matt.6:13

We all need God in our life to lead us out of life’s tough spots in our marriage.

Praying this prayer is confessing that God is your leader including in your marriage.

This is where you and I tell God that we have felt the hurt of destruction from sin in our lives.

We are telling God that we don’t want to go there again in our marriage so we need him to lead us in the right direction.

Life is a test of choices.

When God designed us in his image, he made us higher than the angels.

We have the freedom as moral creatures to make our own choices and decisions but the angels do not.

Are you asking God not to let you get off track in your marriage from where God is leading you?

It is like a wife who navigates her husband while he is driving so he doesn’t make a wrong turn.

CASE AND POINT:  One of the funniest things that happened to my husband and I when we were missionaries in England, happened in the city of Birmingham.  We were there to scout the land to plant a new church there.  I had the map and was telling my husband which way to turn.  In England they have round-abouts instead of stop signs.  You get on and go in circles till you get to the street you want to turn in.  I kept asking him what street we were coming up to as my eyes were on the map.  He would tell me the name of the street as we passed it.  I would tell him to turn off on the next street as we passed it.  He would tell me we passed it.  As we kept going in circles, our voices started getting louder at each other.  Pretty soon we were shouting at each other going in circles.   By the time we got off the round-about, we were ready for a divorce.  After that every time we wanted to have a good laugh we would say, “Hey lets go to Birmingham, and have a nice time.”

This is exactly what the devil does in our marriage!

He has us blaming each other and chasing our tails.

Many times we blame God for not helping us with our marriage but we have choices to make and continue to make bad choices.

God will never tempt us.   NEVER!!

James 1:13-14  “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.”

Awwww!  We are drawn away by our own lust!!

Satan tempts us and sets traps for us.

The evil one knows which buttons to push to get you to react.

He entices us with the world: The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life.

Let Jesus be your guide.

Get off the round about!

It’s your choice!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

LOVE SEEKS LASTING TREASURE

NOTE:  The following article comes from the book “The Love Dare – Day by Day written by Kendrick

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt.6:21

Your heart follows your investment.

Whatever you pour your time, money, and energy into will draw your heart.

This was certainly true before you were married.

You wrote letters, bought gifts, and spent time together as a couple…and your heart followed.

But if you stopped investing as much in the relationship and started pouring yourself into other things, your heart followed those.

If you are not in love with your spouse today it may be because you stopped investing in your spouse yesterday.

Ask yourself what has your heart right now.

What’s become important to you?

You can tell by looking at where your time, money, thoughts and energy have been spent recently.

Are you still putting these things into your mate?

How about the things of God?

As you draw closer to God, the Holy Spirit will act as your spiritual GPS.

When you veer off course, His still, small voice will redirect you—if you’ll listen—back toward your real treasure.

Prayer

“Lord, remind us to invest in our marriage whether our emotions are there or not.   Help us to love each other regardless of our feelings, but we ask you to renew our love for one another as we obey you.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FORWARD MARCH –

Peace Starts With ME!

In the Lords Prayer one of the issues that was dealt with is the way we deal with other people and that includes our spouse.

Matt.6:14 “  If we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

This verse is telling us that there is a condition that has been established

That condition is that your spouse must be forgiven for all offensives and it has to start with YOU!

You cannot make the excuse that you are waiting for your spouse to ask for forgiveness or an apology.

God is waiting for you to FORWARD MARCH!

You must FORGIVE first!

 I saw a cartoon of a man at a card shop.  He was buying a card for his wife.  He asked the salesperson,  “Do you have a card that stops short of saying, ‘I’m sorry’ yet vaguely hints of some wrongdoing?”

This is not showing forgiveness!

Forgiveness can’t change the past but it does broaden the future.

  Is forgiveness a choice or is it just a state of your emotions?

*  Forgiveness is a choice made by your will.

*  God commands that your obedience to him must produce forgiveness   to others.

If you are blaming your spouse because you cannot forgive them, remember that it is a choice of your will.

By dwelling on past hurts you take away quality to have  a satisfying marital life.

Corrie Ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you!”

CASE AND POINT:  Kris Bowie, one of our pastor’s wives on staff, joins me as we both go and speak into Los Angeles County Jail for the women together.  The presence of God is so powerful in the jail for these women.  Even though it is the most fulfilling areas of ministry that we have, it is still heartbreaking to walk out and see that these precious women we just ministered to are still prisoners.

I can’t imagine how God must feel when he has ministered to us about our marriages and given us clear direction of what he expects of us as spouses then we turn around, and won’t forgive them.

God forgives us and sets us free and because we won’t forgive, we put ourselves back to live in our own prison.

WHAT A TRAGEDY!!!

What a blow to your marital life.

Let peace reign in your life not bitterness.

FORWARD MARCH – spouses!!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help you have a successful marriage.

SPEAK AFFIRMING WORDS

NOTE:  The following article is from the book “The Love Dare – Day by Day” By Kendrick

CAN YOU IMAGINE how relieved Joseph’s brothers felt when their now-powerful younger sibling told them, “Do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones”?

And can you picture their body language when he “comforted them and spoke kindly to them” (50:21)?  Joseph’s words were powerful.

Our wives need the same kind of affirming words that create security and comfort.

To encourage and bless your wife, affirm her consistently with pleasant, loving words.

Let her know that you value, respect, and love her.

Some evenings I come home, and  I’m absolutely amazed at how busy Barbara has been for me and the children.

Running errands, settling squabbles, fixing meals–the list is endless.

Occasionally, I’ll miss my cue to encourage her and she’ll say, “You know what I would like you to do?  Just tell me you appreciate what I am doing for you!”

You can tell your wife how much you appreciate her through specific compliments:

*  “I appreciate your efforts to keep my clothes clean and pressed.  You’re incredible!”

*  “Thanks for looking so nice today.”

*  “I appreciate always being able to count on you to follow through, no matter what.”

*  “Thanks for being there—for always putting the children and me ahead of yourself.”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to assist you in making your marriage a success.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  My husband works out of town many months out of the year.  He complains about being on the road away from everything he loves but continues to spend the money he is making on anything he wants.  I have to account for every penny but he takes hundreds of dollars every week which he never tells me where it goes.  He has taken me off all the bank accounts and only gives me enough money to pay the bills.  He has password on his phone and only calls me every other day when he is gone for a few minutes.  He says he loves me.  We have been married almost 20 years with two children.  I believe he is selfish and controlling.   Is it time for us both to move on?

Answer #2.  There are many questions that I would like to ask you before I answer this.  Since we are not able to communicate, I will do my best to answer this question for you.  I am going to answer this as if it were happening to me.

First, you need to do everything possible to keep your marriage in tack.  Do not listen to voices telling you to do things that are not biblical.  In Malachi 2, your marriage is called a “Holy Institute.”  Anything that is “holy”, the devil will always try to destroy.  He might be selfish and controlling, but that is still no reason to set up housekeeping elsewhere.  This is your family and you need to fight for it!

Second, you need to do whatever it takes to allow your daughters to grow up with their father in their home.  Also in Malachi 2, it says that the purpose of marriage is for “godly offspring.”  Even if you feel like he is never there or that he is a father who doesn’t care about them.  He is a covering and a security to them.  They love him and need him in their life.  Your husband is a provider and even if you think the scale of monetary output is not to your advantage, he is still providing.  If you talked to any wife who has been abandon with children,  you will find that they would take their husbands back under any conditions.  It’s a hard cruel world out there!  My dad left our family when I was thirteen years old.  It was a nightmare that never ended.  Even though my mother was a very loving soul who never remarried or tracked strange men through our home, or talked trash about my dad, it was still unbearable.

Lastly, what do you do?  Stay miserable for the rest of your life?  No! No! No!  The bible talks about what to do if you are a slave with an evil task master.  He says to go back and serve that master with your very best.  Pray for him everyday.  When you talk to him, make it an extremely enjoyable conversation.  You want him to be anxious when he hangs up to talk to you again.  Talk about happy things!  How cute the girls are, something silly they did, something of interest that came out in the news.  Tell him you found a hilarious joke and read it to him.  DO NOT, DO NOT talk about money or you.  Very few husbands care what wives think or feel.  The reason why is because we are so emotional.  To a man, we sound SELFISH and CONTROLLING.

Tell him you love him.  You will shock him!  Pray for him!  Prayer works!  Read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday and apply it to your marriage.

One of the best marriage books is, “Love and Respect” by Eggerich.  Get it, mark it, and live it.  Make your marriage, your hobby.

GOD WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!  HE DREAMT ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE, BEFORE HE CREATED IT.  I’m praying for you.  You go girl!  Fight the good fight!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post with information that will make your marriage a success.

LOVE IS FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE

NOTE:  The following article is from the book “The Love Dare –  Day by Day” by Kendrick

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines…yet I will triumph in the LORD.”  HAB.3:17-18

Does your love  have a place it will not go beyond?

Even though you willingly promised to love your spouse forever in the soft glow of your wedding ceremony, were you just repeating the script?

Were you like many who, though promising for better or for worse, really only meant “for better”?

You may look from the outside in at other people’s marriages and suppose that many, if not most, have a much easier time than you do.

You may determine that your spouse has brought challenges into your marriage you can no longer tolerate–things you didn’t know or foresee, or perhaps overlooked.

Do not  give up on having true love for your spouse.

Even if much of the feeling and desire has been replaced by resentment and distrust, God is able to grow in you a love that will last.

Unconditional love will give the ability to rise up from the ashes of life’s worst, and be thankful for how the heat of battle has melded your hearts into one.

This Weeks Dare

Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse—

something that proves (to you and to them) that your love

is based on your choice and nothing else.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post of information to make your marriage a success.

LOVE ADMIRES

NOTE:  The following article is from the book The Love Dare Day by Day by Kendrick

“How can we thank God for you in return for all the joy we experience because of you before our God?”  1Thess.3:9

Whether from raw, natural ability or from hard work and training, your spouse is an expert at something, probably several things.

They may be good at building projects, or at handling people, or at calming a tense situation with their peaceful spirit.

They may have a knack for organizing work teams, handling finances,  or graciously hosting a dinner party.

And because you may have known this about them for a long time, it’s been easy letting them fill these roles in your marriage without truly noticing  how good they are at them.

People also tend to have one or more subjects they are very knowledgeable about.

But love never ceases to be amazed at what your spouse can do.

It doesn’t save its admiration only for those at work, at church, or outside the home who can accomplish noteworthy things.

This person you married is exceptional in ways you may have overlooked.

Don’t just utilize them for what they are able to do.

VALUE IT.

HONOR IT.

APPRECIATE IT.

Admire them for it.

This Weeks Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.

Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about.

Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

DON’T LOOSE YOUR CREDIT CARD

Everyone loves a buffet!

There are many REASONS for liking it but the most common ones are that you get a lot of choices, you can have as much of it as you want and no one will stop you.

This is great but thank God we don’t go to a buffet every day or I suspect we would pack the pounds on.

In the Lords prayer in Matt.6:11, Jesus said, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

“Bread” is a symbol word that stands for all our physical needs.

In Elmer Towns book, “Praying the Lord’s Prayer for spiritual breakthrough”, he has a list of five essential facts about our daily needs.

1. We have daily needs.
2. God supplies our needs.
3. We must ask God to supply our needs.
4. Our needs are supplied one day at a time.
5. We don’t have to pray for everything, but we have to pray about everything.

For our physical well-being, we eat, exercise and sleep.

God designed us to have needs in our lives so we would look to him to SUPPLY them.

He made those needs in us so when we stray away from Him, those needs make them turn back to HIM.

He did not create you to be self-sufficient.

Are you the type of person who EXPECTS your spouse to provide your every need?

I have spoke with Christian wives who have told me through the years that their husbands tell them to get a job that makes more money because he wants to buy more.

Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need, but not every man’s greed.”

We want to leave a financial legacy for our children thinking it’s our resources that they need the most.

Ask of God because he may use FINANCES to keep our children focused on him as they grow older.

In the United States, food is plentiful and you may not need to ask.

So why are we given this PATTERN to ask anyway?

Prov.30:9 “Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say who is the Lord? Or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of the Lord in vain.”

One good reason is that God wants you and your spouse to acknowledge that it is Him who is providing for you.

We are commanded to ask for our NEEDS according to Gods will.

The Bible calls the ants “Exceedingly wise” because they do not worry but they prepare.

Prov.30:24-25 “The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer.”

It is all right to prepare but it is sin to worry.

God wants your “shopping list” of needs so don’t rely on your credit cards.

Credit card usage is using up tomorrow’s bread.

Don’t use credit cards unless you are paying them off monthly.

YOU ARE USING TOMORROW’S BREAD AND THAT IS SIN!!

Learn to be content with the finances God has placed in your hand.

NOTE:  Tomorrow’s post will have information that will help your marriage to be a success.

SEEK FORGIVENESS…Even if you don’t feel like it.

Forgiveness is a necessary part of life, for the simple reason that “we all stumble in many things” (James 3:2).  When Jacob died, all of Joseph’s older brothers approached him with the plea to forgive their wicked treatment of him so many years before–even though Joseph had long ago forgiven them.  They wanted to be sure.

In a similar way, without the cleansing power of forgiveness, at best marriage will be very hard duty.  At worst it will be a disaster.  No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will fail.  With failure comes hurt–and the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing salve of forgiveness.

The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly.  About the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt.6:14,15).  His instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be forgivers, and marriage–probably more than any other relationship–presents frequent opportunities to practice.

To forgive means to give up resentment against or relinquish the desire to punish.  By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook.  As a Christian, you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest.  Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged, “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you”(Eph.4:32).

The real test of your ability to forgive comes on the battlefield when you and your spouse are ticked off and angry with each other.  That is when you need the power of the Holy Spirit and must ask, “God, please help me here, I need to move to forgiveness, because you have commanded me to do so.  Please empower me and enable me to give up the right of punishing my spouse and to forgive.”

This took practice early in our marriage, but Barbara and I learned how to keep our relationship healthy most of the time by not burning excessive emotional energy on resentment.  We grant forgiveness and ask for it freely–even when we don’t feel like it.

NOTE:  I AM SO SORRY!!   I forgot to add that this post was taken from an article  in Family Life Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.  I was out of town and didn’t get back on time to do a post.

Note:  Don’t miss tomorrow’s post with messages on how to make your marriage a success.