LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY QUESTION & ANSWER

NOTE: The following question and answer was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question #1. What steps can a man take to keep romance alive? Answer #1. No where in marriage are the differences between men and women more evident than on the romance side of the ledger. Women generally spell romance: r-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p.

Men spell it a different way: S-E-X.

Typically, a man’s focus is physical while a woman’s focus is relational.

That’s why we married men need to learn how to communicate with our wives in a language that clearly speaks the relational aspect of love and romance.

If you don’t know what this is, find out.

One thing is certain: You need to cultivate romance if it is going to grow in your marriage.

It is easy for a man, after he’s been married for a time, to become complacent, to think he doesn’t have to compete for his wife or need to communicate his love for her in both words and actions, that he no longer needs to romance her.

You could hardly make a bigger mistake.

What would communicate love to your wife?

A love letter?

Then write one!

A hug and a kiss that says I love you?

Do it!!

Helping her at home with the children and household duties?

Go the extra mile!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

DO YOU SEE WHAT GOD SEES?

Scientific studies have proved that your brain is made up of about 100 billion nerve cells – which look like trees.

All through in the bible, God refers to us as trees in many of the verses.

Psa.1:3  “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

Prov.3:18  “She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her…”

The more branches you grow on these nerve cells, the more intelligent you become.

You grow what looks like BRANCHES in your brain as you take in knowledge and store it.

Science has proved that when you are not taking in knowledge, the branches in your brain begin to die.

Hosea 4:6 “My people are destroyed(die) for lack of knowledge”.

When you are able to view your spouse’s gifting, you are now seeing them through Jesus’ eyes.

That is why the question we are asking today is “Do You See What God Sees?” and the answer is “NO”!

If we saw what God sees, we would have more respect for our spouse’s opinion.

If you don’t view your spouse as Jesus sees them, you will want them to CONFORM to your way of thinking.

Your perspective of your spouse becomes distorted because you are now judging and evaluating them according to your view and not God’s handiwork in their life.

In Carolina Leaf’s book, “The Gift Within You”, she scientifically and through God’s word, explains the brain.

Her book is on the brain, but I recommend it to every married couple because of all the knowledge on the way the brain thinks.

When you take information into your brain, 100 billion neurons have the POTENTIAL to connect 100 trillion times.

That is an incredible capacity for thoughts and intelligence.

In order to understand your husband, you would have to know WHICH way a thought has traveled.

It is impossible for you to know which path of thought your spouse’s brain went down and God doesn’t expect you to know that.

God expects you to be UNDERSTANDING without understanding.

Do you try to change your husband?

Don’t get hung up on trying to improve your spouse’s WEAKNESSES.

Instead, learn to support his strengths.

A wife is a “helpmeet” to expand the husband’s life by taking care of the little details he overlooks.

It is not an opportunity to tell him how dumb he is and how you are tired of his ignorance.

It is time of opportunity for you to make him look good to his family, his friends, his co-workers and acquaintances.

His heart has to “safely trust in you.”

DOES IT?!?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARRIAGE:  GOD’S DIVERSIFIED INVESTMENT

Jer.1:5 (NLT)  “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb”.

Psa.139:13-14 “…you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made…”

GOD LOVES DIVERSITY!!  These verses prove it!!

In Wall Street, “diversified investments” help improve returns and balance the risk tolerance.  With diversified investments, the possibilities of earning higher returns increases with patience.

They put money in a variety of businesses so if one goes down, they have a better chance of the other ones to go up.

According to Forbes, investors with the best diversification can last in the market longer than individuals placing all their money into one investment vehicle.

One of the greatest challenges in marriage is to have a good relationship with your spouse.

Interacting with a spouse who thinks different than you can be frustrating at times.

Your spouse was not neurologically wired to be like you.

Your spouse has unlimited potential just like you do.

Your spouse was designed intentionally.

The purpose of your giftedness, is to celebrate your differences from your husbands.

No two brains think alike and that is what makes us unique.

There are over a trillion different ways in our brains, of processing information.

CASE AND POINT:  Right now all the people that are reading this blog, each one will think about it differently.  Every person who reads this blog, will process the information differently into their brain.  No one else will process it exactly like you.

Psa.139:14 “We are uniquely, fearfully and wonderfully made.”

As your husbands “companion” and “helpmeet”, you become a vital asset in His succeeding to fulfill God’s purpose in his life.

You become a better companion when you see how your husband is uniquely wired.

You must first understand your gift and true-value in Christ to find peace.

As a created piece of the puzzle, you are making a difference.

Your spouse adds value to your life and you add value to your spouse’s life.

When you have trouble understanding a friend or family member, your spouse can help you out by explaining how the other person may feel.

That gives you insight on how to treat other people.

God has such a great system of information and how to get it to each of us.

Your spouse is such a wealth of information to make your lives successful for each other.

Take advantage of their intelligence.

Or do you knock them down and criticize them for their way of thinking?

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARITAL PROBLEMS: LIBERTY TO CAPTIVES

What kind of a leader is Jesus and how does my marriage benefit from his leadership?

CASE AND POINT:  When my husband and I went to speak at our church in the PHILIPPINES , it was my first time in that country.  I was shocked at the poverty there.  It is a country with so many Natural resources.  In contrast we were in Singapore first.  Singapore is vibrant and filled with new technology and industry. It has no natural resources but it is thriving with business.  What make’s the difference is the leaders in those two countries.  The Philippines  has a history of leaders who are not giving back to the country just to them.  While the leaders in Singapore give back to the people of that country plus they give to the growth of the businesses.  Leaders make the difference!

The answer is in Luke 4:18-19.

After Jesus spent 30 years of going to the synagogue and listening to others teach and speak, he finally opens His mouth.

It must be of great importance what Jesus had to say.

What are the important words he wants to speak?

He gives His job description!!!!  He quotes Isaiah 49:9

 Luke 4:18-19  “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me,

Because He has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;

He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted,

To proclaim liberty to the captives and

Recovery of sight to the blind,

To set at liberty those who are oppressed;

to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.

Liberty means freedom of choice; personal freedom from servitude or confinement or oppression.

Jesus knew that in our marriage we would have a broken heart that needed MENDING.

Jesus knew that we were sick and blind and needed healing.

Jesus came to break the bonds of captivity.

Acts 10:38  “How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power, who went along doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with Him.”

 The problem—the oppressing power of the enemy!

Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Prior preparation for Liberty

• Desire to be free so you can serve the Lord with a godly marriage.
• Make sure that you are sincere to God and your spouse.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal marital areas of bondage or torment.
• Look over your life (and ancestry) to discover possible doorways.
• Determine to be free no matter what demonic grip may be on you or your marriage.
• Don’t be intimidated by “what others think.”
• Associate liberation with Jesus and freedom.
• Exercise your faith as much as possible in your marriage.
• View this as part of God’s gift to you in Christ Jesus.
• Know this may be the beginning of freedom for your family and offspring.

Reread Jesus’ job description in Luke 4:18-19 and know that this is your job description.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

REACTIONS THAT DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

In life and in our marriage we will have mental, emotional and spiritual sufferings.

These are the crosses that we MUST bare daily.

We must accept various trials as from the “hand of God” for our discipline and purification.

The Apostle Paul said we are to reckon ourselves dead, as no longer existing, having no will apart from God’s will.

There are three reactions we must overcome:

FIRST REACTION:  Pride

Prov. 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

SECOND REACTION: Anger

Prov.16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.”

THIRD REACTION:  Self-pity

Psa.119:28 “My soul melteth for heaviness; strengthen thou me according unto thy word.”

Here are some progressive stages of dying to yourself:

1. Correct your evil habits in your marriage.
2. Stop depending on the feelings of JOY and well-being.

We think that we lose God when we lose our inward joy.

Personal pleasure is not what your moral life of your soul consists of.    It is being in unity with the will of God.

Your marriage lives and thrives by faith and not feelings.

1. Crucifying your reliance on your good virtues (moral excellence), temperance, faith, benevolence (kind acts) is a necessary stage.

Dependence on your personal virtues is a form of SELF.

1. Cease rebelling against the negative marital circumstances of life.

Accept them as from the hand of God in order to crucify SELF.

Receive these negative issues with CHEERFULNESS.

1. The natural man is crucified on the cross and now you proceed to a life in union with God and your spouse.

There should be harmony between your will and Gods divine will which results in becoming ONE.

The Apostle Paul said, “I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me.”

Don’t think you can react to your spouse anyway you want and advance in your relationship with God.

You don’t advance in Christ till your soul is transformed.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

ARISE WOMAN OF GOD

NOTE:  Author M.S. Lowndes.  Read it with an attitude of conquering and completing what you were made to do.

Rise up O woman of God

in what He has given you

The things God has laid on your heart

Rise up,  go forth, and do

Unlock, what God has placed within

The potential you have inside

The world is waiting for your release

To expand your wings and fly

Arise in your God-given gifts

For this is your finest hour

Arise in this Lord’s holy might

Ignited and empowered

For God is calling you to come forth

To impact this world for Him

Don’t hold back or limit yourself

Let His power arise within

And take His message to the world

To those that have lost their way

For you can surely make a difference

If you’d hear His voice and obey

You shall be strengthened in the Lord

As you begin to arise

Conquering those doubts that pull you down

And believe who you are in Christ

For you shall surely be transformed

As, in you, God increases more

And become a woman of true excellence

Bringing honor to her Lord.

This poem is: Copyright Of © M.S.Lowndes Site Owner Of Heavens Inspirations 2003-2013

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FRIENDSHIP:  SPOKES ON THE WHEEL

Marriage is like the hub of a wheel.

It provides a point of strength, and as such should provide each spouse with an assurance of total acceptance.

In marriage, we find a haven from others’ rejection and disapproval.

But God never intended for a husband or a wife to bear the total responsibility for building self-esteem in a spouse!

That would be an enormous weight for one person to carry.

Instead, both partners need to reach out from the hub and extend spokes of friendship to strengthen each of them.

These spokes do not threaten the security and strength of the hub.

Instead, the presence of a few stout and loyal friends enhances and strengthens the marriage.

You may be thinking, My mate and I like each other–we don’t need anyone else.

But no matter how good a marriage you have, you still need friends.

A married couple with no outside friends will be unable to achieve a healthy, balanced relationship.

Mature believers recognize their need for friends outside the marriage–close confidants with whom they can be real, unaffected, and natural.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

ARE YOU A WIFEZILLA?

Even though every bride prepares her wedding plans and tries to avoid any problems, it doesn’t always turn out the way she desires.

In Isaiah, the verse expresses the anticipation of the bride as she prepares herself and puts on the FINEST of finishing touches.

Isa.61:10 “I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,

My soul shall be joyful in my God;

For He has clothed me with the Garments of salvation,

He has covered me with the robe of Righteousness,

As a bridegroom decks himself with Ornaments,

And as a bride adorns herself with Her jewels.”

Every bride has a story that happened on her wedding day that caused her to be a “bridezilla.”

CASE AND POINT:  I have two stories that happened on my wedding day.  We were married in 1969 when girls wore thick false eyelashes.  On the morning of my wedding, I had my eyelashes on the counter ready to put on, my maid of honor was so nervous, she got glue all over my eyelashes and I could not get it off.  I was so mad at her and she was upset that I wasn’t a nervous wreck like her.  It was so funny, not then but now.  The second thing was that my dad never showed up to give me away.  He had left my mom when I was 13 years old.  This was almost seven year later, and he told me he would be there.  After waiting for him, the priest said we had to start the ceremony or not get married.  I asked my younger brother to walk me down the aisle.  I know that incident sounds somewhat tragic but I was just so excited to be marrying the best man in the world.  I was the happiest girl alive that day!

On a brides wedding day, she thinks nothing will ever happen to separate her from her spouse.

You feel like no matter what problems come your way, you will make it through because of the LOVE you have for each other.

Statistics show that 50% of first time marriages don’t make it past the first five years.

What happens when a wife becomes a “wifezilla” after the wedding is over?

This can happen real quick!

Do you let the CHILDREN get in the way of your marriage?

Most couples divorce over finances.

Do you find yourself FIGHTING over finances?

Eph.5:33 “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

This verse in Ephesians is Gods marriage treaty.

Husbands are to LOVE their wives and wives are to respect their husbands.

There is a book called “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich, that dissects this verse.

This book explains about the “Crazy Cycle.”

When the wife doesn’t want to “respect” her husband, then he doesn’t want to show her “love” by doing the things she wants.

This cycle goes on and on while the marriage goes no where and no one is happy or satisfied.

This is not Gods PLAN for a godly marriage.

Get off the “wifezilla” list because it is time to show the maturity of Christ in your life and in your marriage.

Put on your bridal jewels and show your husband that you are a woman to be cherished!

“I am my beloved’s.”  Song of Solomon 7:10 KJV

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

YOUR LIFE IS YOUR WORLD SERIES

According to God’s word, in order to be blessed, you must have a pure heart.

Matt.5:8  “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”

What is considered an impure heart?

A “pure heart” is a heart and mind that is clean.

You or I would be upset if we went to buy a coke and they would put it in a dirty cup yet we allow impurities to stay in our heart.

CASE AND POINT:  The City of Long Beach has passed a bill so that they no longer put your purchases in plastic bags.  If you want a paper bag for something you have purchased, you need to pay for it.  I find that very disturbing because this city is so interested in saving our planet from plastic yet we allow abortion clinics that kill our babies.  No one is interested in saving our babies from being brutally murdered in the womb.

We are living in a society that has an “impure heart” yet the live day to day as if everyone is entitled to live their life with no restrictions.

First, a covetous heart is an “impure heart.”

In 1Tim.6:10 covetousness is “…the root of all evil…”

I remember hearing a priest saying that in all the years he has been hearing confessions, that he has never heard anyone confess being covetous.

In the ten commandments God names an array of things we are not to covet.

That tells me than coveting is happening, but we are in denial.

As a spouse, we often see what other partners are doing for their spouse and we feel cheated.

The devil lies to us and tells us we deserve a better life.

This is the spark that leads to covet and ends in a “firey divorce.”

Second, a heart that feels it doesn’t need purity is an “impure heart.

Rev.3:17 “…I am rich and have need of nothing…”

This type of person looks at life as if they can do everything on their own and has done everything on their own.

This kind of thinking is insane because God has made all of us to need the help of someone else since birth through death.

If you have the attitude that you don’t need your spouse, you are listening to the wrong voice.

You are rejecting the gift that God has given you.

Third, an ignorant heart is an “impure heart.”

Prov.19:2 “…that the heart be ignorant is not good…”

We have an ignorant heart when we don’t read Gods word.

Scriptures are filled with Godly wisdom so that we will not be ignorant to the devils devices.

You only have one life to live, we need to live it with our eyes opened.

CASE AND POINT:  Every baseball player lives to be lucky enough to go to the world series.  That world series ring means everything to them.

This marital life you are living right now is your “world series.”

Live life big, live it godly.

Live it with a “pure heart!”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

MY ARM AROUND YOUR SHOULDER

It is easy to show mercy to someone who is good to you, but how about showing mercy to someone, as they say in England, who has just “done your head in.”

In the gospel of Matthew we are told if you want mercy from God, you have to show mercy.

Matt.5:7  “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”

The word “mercy” means leniency and compassion shown towards offenders by a person charged with administering justice.

Mercy is a “must” to do in your marriage.

What is the difference between love and mercy?

First, love is like a friend that visits you whether you are sick or well.

Second, mercy is like a doctor that visits you only when you are sick.

Mercy gives its help when there is a need.

In Genesis, God sent angels to pull Lot out of Sodom and Gomorrah before he destroyed it by fire.

God’s word says that he was being merciful to Lot to take him out of that immoral city before destruction was sent.

I am sure that Lot was asking God, “Why me, Lord?”  “Why did you save me?”

Spouses, none of us deserves to be where we are today.

Psa.117:2 “For his merciful kindness is great toward us…”

Has God been merciful and kind to you?

Has God been slow to anger about your sins and failures?

Are you merciful toward your spouse when they sin?

How do you treat them when they have failed?

Are you a kind, merciful Christian to your spouse?

“Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful” Luke 6:36

Psa. 117:2 “For his merciful kindness is great toward us…”

Do you have family members that you have prayed for their salvation.

Why should God send new converts to you when you cannot show mercy, kindness or grace to the ones that are in your midst now.

First pray for your lack of kindness and mercy towards your spouse.

Do you think that as long as you do not drink, smoke, fornicate or commit adultery that means that you are pure?

“The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”  Jas.3:17

Are you partial and only show mercy to your spouse when they show mercy to you?

Don’t you hate to be around someone that you know is going to chop you up?

Then why do you do that to your spouse?

How many times has God dug you out of something that could have totally destroyed you?

You can show mercy to your spouse by putting your arm around them, a smile, or a touch.

Maybe you think lecturing them or thrashing them will do good.

If you bask in the comfort thought that God has been merciful to you, you will have an abundance of mercy for your spouse.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.