LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued)

Yesterday we covered one of the top three needs in a husbands life.  The first one we discussed was respect.

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book,  he has researched and discusses what they are.

As of yesterday, I hope you started working on RESPECT.

We have the opportunity every day to meet these needs, but ARE WE?

The second is TO BE NEEDED.

God put something in a husbands heart so that he is compelled to nourish, care, and protect his wife.

Eph.5:28-29 “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”

In the Greek, that word nourish is pronounced ek-tref-o which means “to train up to be mature.”

The word cherish in the Greek means “to warmly hover over.”

Your husband needs to do this for you and the children in order to fulfill his part in protecting his home.

Can I hit you with a question right here?

What happens when an issue comes up concerning your children?  When it starts to get heated.  Do you tell your husband to stay out of it because you are going to have the last word in this?  Do you have your neck movement going on?  Is your voice getting higher?  Did you just dethrone him in front of the family?  Is he not just as upset as you are and he wants the final say also?

CONTROL YOURSELF WOMAN!!   HE NEEDS TO FEEL NEEDED!

Men have fewer friends and usually don’t have best friends.

For that reason, the one your husband thinks about and cares most about is YOU!

Girls have their moms, sisters, cousins, friends, best friend, neighbors and anyone else that will listen to her “run her mouth.”

When he hears you tell him how much you need him, it causes him to feel “warm and fuzzy.”

Do men feel “warm and fuzzy”? I don’t know.  I assume so.

Maybe I should have said, “MACHO”!?!    Okay, MACHO!!

You are much HIGHER in your husbands thoughts than you think.

You think he is only interested in succeeding at work with raises, promotions, and recognitions.

Where he really wants to succeed  is AT HOME.

He needs to hear in your words and see in your actions, that he is your HERO.

BRAG about him.  Yes, BRAG!! As they say in England, “Have a go.”  Don’t treat him like I don’t really need you.

Most husbands will be loyal to the end if you respect him and show him that you need him.

YOU GO GIRL!!   Just have fun today!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow. We will finally find out what all three needs are.

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS:

RESPECT

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, he asked wives what they thought was the number one need in a mans life and got an array of interesting answers.

They were answers like food, remote control and sex.

Fortunately the top three needs have everything to do with his wife.

This gives the wife the opportunity every day to meet these needs, but DO WE?

The first:   RESPECT

In Eph.5:33, it is the marriage treatise and one of the best scriptures on marriage.

Eph.5:33 “…let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

In the Greek, the word is pronounced fob-eh’-o.  It means to be in awe, reverence or to fear.

The important thing about this verse is that the wife and husband have to do it UNCONDITIONALLY.

No matter what the other partner does, they have to commit themselves to God by doing their part.

It can only work if it is unconditional.

This is long-term so we need to realize it is a marriage marathon.

When your husband isn’t respected, he will never by convinced that you love him.

He feels unloved !!

If he feels disrespected, he will go to other avenues to find respect.

He may become very quiet, maybe bury himself in his work, or find reasons to not come home.

There will no longer be any reason to build a relationship.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??

I DON’T THINK SO!

Here are some suggestions:

1.  SMILE at him.

2.  SAY HELLO when he comes home.

3.  Don’t start COMPLAINING about things.

4.  Let him sit on his favorite chair and go into his NOTHING BOX.

5.  Don’t give him a LOOK when he has said or done something wrong.

6.  Don’t DISRESPECT his family.  He loves them.

7.  Don’t YELL at him.

8.  Let him SPEND money.  He’s not in kindergarten and he worked for it.

9.  Don’t BELITTLE him for the things he enjoys.

10. Don’t criticize him.

11. Did I leave anything out?

R  E  S  P  E  C  T    H  I  M !!   God gave you to him for support.

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrow!  You will find out what your husbands second need is.

CHECK FOR BITE MARKS

I’VE GOT TWO LOVERS

And you do have two lovers also.

Yes you do and I will tell you exactly who they are:  The flesh and the spirit.

They do not like each other and they don’t get along.

Gal.5:17 “For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

Every day and all through the day, our soul has a choice to obey what the spirit of God is telling us or obey what our flesh wants us to do.

This is exactly how and why fights and arguments start in marriages.

That is why it says in Lev.18:18 and repeats it in Gal.5:14 “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

If you don’t, you kill something inside your spouse. It hurts hours, days and years after it has been said.

And wives don’t exclude yourself by saying that men are not sensitive and nothing hurts them.  DON’T YOU DARE!!

We are to never assume what our husbands are thinking.

My husband told me once to never tell someone what he is thinking.

The reason is that I  don’t know what he is thinking.  I can only know what he is saying.  It is so UNFAIR to do that.

When I am talking with a wife and she starts telling me what her husband is thinking, I stop her.  Then I have her repeat exactly what he has said.

Many times it is very hard for the wife to repeat what he has said because the DUDE didn’t say anything wrong.  The wife is just making assumptions of what he is thinking

Lets look at our FIRST LOVER.  Gal.5:19 “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like…those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

We like this lover. Especially “…hatred, contentions, jealousies, outburst of wrath, selfish ambitions…”

No??? Am I wrong?  Let’s ask our spouse.  Okay?!?

Let’s now look at our OTHER LOVER.  Gal.5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

No assignment today, but it would be interesting if we gave a list of our two lovers and ask our spouse which one we are most like.  LOL!!

I bet our spouse can tell which lover has control of our life.

Gal.5:15 “But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!”

OH WOW! There is a test. Look for bite marks!  [on your spouse]

Don’t get mad at me, I didn’t write that verse.  Silly you!

The Apostle Paul knows how we feel.  Read Romans 7:15-25.

He says what I want to do, I don’t do.  Then what I don’t want to do, I end up doing.

In Romans 7:24, Paul calls himself “wretched”. That word in Greek means “miserable”.

He is saying, I did it my way.  I did what I wanted to do and I’M MISERABLE!!

Wives have you ever had it out with your hubby and you won, or didn’t win, but did what you wanted to do anyway?

How did you feel girlfriend?  Huh, did it feel good??

May I answer that?  No, you didn”t feel good.  You felt miserable because you couldn’t even enjoy yourself.

If you allow the Holy Spirit to help you put your desires aside, you will keep from FOLLOWING THE FLESH.

Romans 8:13 “For if you live according to the …Spirit, you put to death the deeds of the body…”

You must wage war by the power of the Spirit!

Your spouse loves the OTHER LOVER best.

NOTE:  Daily there is new post to help your marriage be a success.

MARRIAGE IS A “HOLY INSTITUTION”

HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON’T COME BACK NO MORE!   Okay.  I got it out of my system.

Who am I talking to??????   Not my Husband!!   The devil.

Malachi 2:11b “For Judah has profaned the Lord’s holy institution which He loves…”

This is a fabulous scripture that gives us loads of insight.  God loves your marriage.

He is saying that your marriage is His.  It belongs to Him.  It is his holy institution!

The word “holiness” in Hebrew is qodesh. This means that it is a consecrated, dedicated, sacred place.

Anything that is “holy” is set apart.

In God’s word we see that anything that is holy, is under attack.

That is why wives must be watchmen.  We SUPER CHARGE our man!

Case & Point:  Every time we get a new car, my husband treats it like a “sacred cow”.  Lol!! (I’m exaggerating)  We haven’t got a brand new car in decades.  They are always 1 to 2 years old.  He is gifted in buying cars.  They are always in perfect condition with low miles.  They are always priced one to two years cheaper.  Nevertheless he treats it like it just got off the assembly line.  You are afraid to burp in his  car.  Unfortunately I always initiate the car by banging the car next to us with the door while getting out.  I don’t even want to look his way after doing that .  I know it just isn’t the time for me to be searching for an endearing look from him.

How much more does God care for us and each member of our family that make up this “holy institution”.

God watches it with intense love and desires to help us through each issue if we only ask Him.

Proverbs 19:14 :Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Here we see two blessings for a man:  An inheritance of riches and a prudent wife.

In Hebrew, the word “Prudent” is sakal.  It means to be intelligent, skillful and full of wisdom.

If you walk  in the spirit, as God intended you to, you will have a lot to bring into your marriage.

The devil lies to wives and tells them that all they are good for is not much.

He tells us that we are used and totally unappreciated.  No one listens to us.  Yes, and he always tells us that the grass is greener on the other side.  If you want green grass just start watering your side!

Your husband needs your INTELLIGENCE, SKILL  and WISDOM to make him complete.

The INTELLIGENCE of maintaining a household, finances and an array of various related duties.

The SKILL of meeting the needs of a husband and children, like child-bearing and breast-feeding.  Also, handling a full-time job or church ministry.

The WISDOM to utilize your knowledge and experience.

You, your spouse and your children are a holy institute.  God is committed to making your family a complete success.

The devil is committed to “..KILL, STEAL and DESTROY…” your marriage.

God has made you “…MORE THAN A CONQUEROR…”

Are you committed to making your spouse a success?

Tell the devil to HIT THE ROAD!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

BELIEVE THE TRUTH

Some women experience a power outage in marriage because they believe the wrong things.  Fairy-tale wishes, celebrity fantasies, magazine psychologists, book authorities, videos, and talk show hosts offer advice on adding sizzle to your marriage.  Some of it is good; much of it is not.  A lot of it is simply untrue.

What lies do women believe about romance?

Lie #1.  I desire Prince Charming and a happily-ever-after life.

Lie #2.  Love is a feeling.  No feelings = no love.

Lie #3  Romance should be easy, like falling off a log.

Lie #4  It’s his fault that I feel this way.  If only he’d talk more; if only he’d lose weight; if only he were more romantic.

Lie #5  Romance is his responsibility, not mine.

Lies, lies and more lies!

Turn off the lies and learn to think as did the relieved mother found in 1Kings 17:24, who told E;ijah, “I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is the truth.”

What lies do you believe?  And how do they influence your thinking about your husband’s need for your romance and affirmation and blessing of his sexuality?  Knowing the truth allows you to affirm and act on the truth to meet your husband’s needs.

NOTE:  This article is from the book “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

SATURDAY Q & A 

Question #1.  What simple thing can we do to make sure neither of us strays?

Answer #1.  Here are seven exhortations to affair-proof your marriage.

1.  Make your marriage bed your priority.  Exhaustion is the great zapper of passion.  Make your sexual relationship a priority in your married life.

2.  Talk about what pleases one another.  Describe what would truly please you, and encourage him/her to do the same.

3.  Fan the flames of romance.  Find out what setting sparks or even ignites your love for your mate.

4.  Have fun with one another, but not at each other’s expense.  Grins, giggles, and laughter ought to occasionally drift out of our bedrooms.

5.  Add the element of surprise to your marriage bed.  If the sexual area of your marriage has been a struggle, then ask permission before cooking up something that you think is wonderful that your spouse might not appreciate (Rom.15:1-7).

6.  Be patient with your mate.  Married love demands that we continually grow and learn about one another (see 1Thess.5:14,15)

7.  Beware of bitterness.  Bitterness quenches the fires of romance.  Keep short accounts and ask forgiveness when you fail or if you have become bitter (Eph.4:26-27).

NOTE:  This article came from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WHY DID I EVER MARRY HIM?

When Problems come into a marriage, the first thing that happens is that we get attacked in our mind. The evil one tells us that we are better off divorced. Then the BIG QUESTION comes. Why did I marry my spouse?

The Answer is clear in Gods word.

Mal. 2:15 “But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let not deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.”

The word “seek” in Hebrew is baqash.  The primitive root word is to search.  It implies begging.  This is killing me as I am typing it.  God is begging us to raise our kids Godly?

God makes man and woman one so they will marry and raise godly children.

Sad to say, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the children are thrown into a traumatic situation.

In the book “Helping children survive divorce” by Dr. Archibald D. Hart, it states that children of divorced Christian parents are at greater risk than others.

They feel like why didn’t God make my mom and dad love each other?  The child could easily become disillusioned with Christianity.

This is a list of a few losses that children face:

1. Loss of home.

2. Loss of my neighborhood friends.

3. Loss of convenient transportation.

4. Dramatic reduction in our standard of living.

5. Loss of family outings together.

Divorce makes enemies of those who once declared undying love for one another. It does damage to children.

Here are some of the reasons why divorce is emotionally damaging to children:

1. Fear and anxiety

2. Abandonment and rejection

3. Aloneness and sadness

4. Frustration and anger

5. Rejection and resentment, and

6. Reestablishment of trust

Before we think it is all about us and forget if we divorce, our child will be another statistic.  So turn to Gods word for counsel.

Eph. 5:33 “Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

In the book called “Love and Respect”, the author calls this the crazy cycle. That is because neither partner will do their part till the other one does. Then they just go around and around on the “crazy cycle”.

It only takes one person to do their part and get off the “crazy cycle”.

You married him to show him love and respect in front of your children and the children of others.

You are to be a living epistle to your children and raise them godly.

OH!   Yes!!   ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

COMPANIONS FOREVER

It is said that if you ask a woman to describe what she wants in a husband, she will describe her best friend.

Well I’m glad my husband wasn’t looking for a wife that was like his best friend cause a “Tarzan” I am not.

Malichi 2:14b “”…She is your companion and your wife by covenant…”

The dictionary shows the pan in the middle of the word companion. Pan is the word for bread. Bread is a comfort food. The dictionary has the definition for companion as one who accompanies another.

The Hebrew root word for companion implies intimate partner; accomplice.

THIS EXCITES ME!!!

I’ll tell you why. It is because God made something in husbands that will make them want to be with their wife. And vice versa. He made something in wives that makes them want to be around their hubbies.

YeeHaa! Is that the way you spell it? I don’t know!?! In Los Angeles they say, “What it is”. I think?

I have heard wives tell me for over 40 years, “I don’t know what my husband wants?”

Okay, listen up girls. I’ll tell you!

He wants his GIRLFRIEND back! The one he married. He wants his FRIENDLY FRIEND. He wants his CHEERLEADER!

Has anyone seen her??? Well he hasn’t either for a long time. POOR GUY!

You know that game “‘Where in the world is Waldo? Well where in the world is ____________________.

Maybe she is watching the Food Network Channel. No? Maybe she is texting her entourage instead of paying attention to her husband. No? Maybe she is Shopping. No? Maybe she is busy with the children. No?

Right now I have your attention. You are saying all sorts like:

“I work hard and I am tired when I get home.”

“How do I know what he wants to do? He doesn’t even talk to me.”

“I have kids and they have needs. What am I suppose to do?”

“He has his own hobbies and friends and could care less what I do!”

“I’ll be honest, he is just boring. I do my thing and he does his.”

“I tried. He doesn’t want to be with me.”

“I have other things that are more inspiring than to spend time with him.”

“He is fine just the way he is. Don’t rock the boat.”

“Oh! All of the above.”

Ok girls, I’ll mind my own business (MYOB). I have an assignment for you wives that are any of the above. It’s easy. All you need is a black marker. Are you ready? This is easy!! Start marking out of your bible all the verses that call you a companion or a helpmeet. Don’t forget Proverbs 31. The virtuous woman whose husband is known in the gates, his heart safely trusts in her, he has no lack of gain, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life, and he praises her because of all her thoughtfulness. Don’t forget Song of Solomon, etc.

Now for the wives that don’t have a black marker in their hand. Ask him what he wants to do. Sit and watch football with him. Go see those movies where everything blows up. Go visit your in-laws with him. Go to a game with him. Learn about his hobby or sport. Go sit with him in the garage while he exercises. Seem interested and ask him questions about what he likes. Smile at him. Give him gifts (small and not expensive). Go for a walk with him. Tell him you love him. Listen to him. Listen to him. Listen to him.

Read this once: If you don’t find a babysitter for your children, your husband will find a babysitter for him.

Where in the world did his GIRLFRIEND go? God expects you to be his CHEERLEADER, his FRIENDLY FRIEND!

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

FIRST DATE: WHAT TO WEAR

Girls were made for BLING, BLING and more BLING. Statistics show that women keep the economy going and going and…

All through Gods word, He talks about garments.  Even in the temple He was very articulate about how the priests presented themselves.

In this next verse for today,  we see something that is somewhat shocking.

Malachi 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence.”  Says the LORD of hosts.  “Therefore take heed to your spirit…”

(In Hebrew the word “violence” is pronounced chamac. It makes reference to someone who is damaged with falsehood, who is unjust and who is an oppressor.)

Wow!  Try wearing the garment of violence on a “first date” !!

No!  Not you.  You put your best foot forward.  But how about now?  Do you still put your best foot forward or do you threaten your spouse with the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

That word carries a cloak with it.  It’s a spirit of violence.

Psa.141:3 “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.”

     There is something within the nature of a woman who needs to be burdened and complaining about something or someone.

Prov.13:3 “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, , But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.”

     An unguarded mouth leads to a ruined marriage.

God’s word says, “…take heed…” The word shamar in Hebrew means to build a hedge of thorns around, to protect, to guard and to watch.

God is warning us to take care of our mind, our life, and our anger. (ruwach)

Our LORD does not want us to be covered with deceit, offend our loved ones and His precious Holy Spirit.

You can do that!!!  We have a helper, the Holy Spirit.  Yessss!!!  Thank you Jesus.

Build your spouses life by imparting encouraging, loving words.

Rev.16:15 “Behold…Blessed is he who watches, and keeps his garments, lest he walk naked and they see his shame.”

You are the one he loves and you still drive him wild.  Put on your red dress, Baby!!

Ken Blount told us a joke on Sunday and I will share it with you now.

JOKE:  A husband went to his wife and asked her what she wanted for her birthday.  She was so excited and began to give him all the details of what it should look like.  She said that it should have chrome and be very shiny and beautiful.  Also, it should be able to go from zero to 200 in seconds.  She couldn’t  wait for her birthday to see what kind of  new car her husband had picked out for her.  On her birthday he entered her bedroom and handed her a bathroom scale. !?!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

DIVORCE = HIGH PRICE TAG

In the United States, approximately two and a half million people with more than one million children struggled through a heart wrenching divorce this last year.

God HATES divorce, and we will research the wisdom of Gods word and find out why.

Malachi 2:16a “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce…” (In Hebrew, the pronunciation is sane. This word was used to describe how God felt about His enemy or foe.)

As a child I was obsessed with Monopoly the money game because I loved to win.

The day my dad left home when I was thirteen, life was never the same for our family ever again.

Divorce wasn’t a game for us because there were no WINNERS.

Here is a list from professionals on advice of what to do when considering a divorce.

Keep in mind that this is before the other spouse even knows what is about to happen to them.

Also, this is not godly counsel.  Notice how it is all about MONEY.

1. Consult and hire a lawyer.

2. Know your spouses income.

3. Assess what you can earn.

4. Learn about family’s financial holdings.

5. Assess your family’s debt.

6. Make photocopies of all family financial records.

7. Take stock of your family’s valuables.

8. Learn how much it costs to run a household.

9. Determine where you will live.

10. Start saving money.

11. Build up your own credit.

12. Withdraw your money from the bank.

13. Consider canceling charge cards.

14. Take property that belongs to you and safeguard it.

15. Don’t make any unnecessary major purchases.

This one particular book on surviving divorce had another 361 pages concerning financial problems after the spouse knows about the intentions of divorce.

The end of the verse in Malachi 2:16 says, “…For it covers ones garments with violence.”

If I saw my spouse running around opening and closing bank accounts, secretly making photocopies, opening and closing credit cards, stocking up family valuables, and googling for divorce lawyers, I’d be “hot under the collar” to say the least.

Unfortunately, the violence continues many times through their life where children are involved.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage successful.