LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

TURMOIL IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Well, do we get DOUBLE FOR our TROUBLE?

Lets see what Gods word says?   Keep in mind that God is always looking for ways to bless His children just like we do with our children.

Isa.61:7  “For your shame ye shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.”

In Hebrew, the word “shame”  also means CONFUSION as well.

In Hebrew, the word “double” is pronounced mishneh and means a copy.  It also refers to move up in RANK or QUALITY: TWICE AS MUCH.

There are so many things that thrill me about this verse and what it refers to in Hebrew.  Because we are not God, it would be ridiculous for us to try to draw a conclusion as to what the word double is referring to.

When you decide to let your spouse go first, you get DOUBLE!

When you decide to let your spouse win the fight, you get double!

When you decide to do something nice for him, even if he doesn’t deserve  it, you get DOUBLE!

When you decide to visit your in-laws with him, you get double!

When you decide to let something go that you feel should be addressed, you get DOUBLE!

When your spouse asks you to do something that he could do himself, but  you decide to do it anyway without an attitude, you get double!

When your spouse makes a decision but you let it go even though you feel  anxious about it, you get DOUBLE!

I can go all day on situations, because my list is endless.

When you agree to go through anything in your lifetime, God has agreed to rain blessings into your life.

Zech.9:12   “…today I will restore double to you.”

In Psalms 102, we see how trouble affects our human parts.

1.  THE VOICE.

vs.1  “…let my cry come unto thee.”

2.  THE EMOTIONS

vs.2  “Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble:  incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call    answer me speedily.”

3.  THE BONES

vs.3 “…my bones are burned as an hearth.”

4.  THE HEART

vs.4  “My heart is smitten, and withered like grass;”

5.  THE APPETITE

vs.4  “…I forget to eat my bread.”

When your marriage is in turmoil, it is very easy to feel so many different physical ailments.

In the book of Nahum,  it shows that when you reach out to God in the times of trouble, he comforts you with goodness.

Nahum 1:7  “The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him”

1.  The Lord is good.

2.  A stronghold in the day of trouble.

3.  He knows them that trust in him.

GOD DOES NOT FORGET US!!!!  He wants to help us with our marriage.

God promises us, DOUBLE FOR OUR TROUBLE!!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

GRANTING FORGIVENESS IS TOUGH

As difficult as it is to ask for forgiveness, it can be even more difficult at times to grant forgiveness to someone who has wronged you.  And this is every bit as true in marriage—maybe even more so—than it is in any other relationship.

I often advise married couples to take out a joint membership in the Seventy Times Seven Club.  This club began when Peter asked Jesus how many times we must forgive one another.  Peter wondered if seven times would be enough?  Christ answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt.18:22).  In other words, forgive an infinite number of times, not just when you feel like it.

You can tell when you have forgiven your spouse by asking yourself one simple question:  Have I given up my desire to punish my mate?  When you say aside that desire and no longer seek revenge, you free your spouse and yourself from the bonds of your anger.

Forgiveness cannot be conditional.  Once you forgive, that’s it.  Feelings may still be raw, and it is not hypocritical to feel as though you don’t want to forgive your spouse.  If someone has hurt you, you can choose to forgive immediately, but still be processing feelings of disappointment or rejection.  Forgiveness is a choice, an act of the will—not an emotion.  It may take a while for your feelings to catch up with your will.  But your will needs to respond to the scriptural mandate to forgive your spouse.

If you’re not careful, you may dilute the power of forgiveness.  How many times have you heard someone say, “I’m sorry I offended you; will you forgive me?”  And the other person quickly says without apparent reflection, “Sure, I forgive you!”  The two people move on, but then the offender offense again, and the scenario repeats, perhaps many times.

Such behavior mocks authentic forgiveness.  I believe tough love must break this cycle by saying, “You know, if you are really serious about being sorry, your actions need to show some believable repentance.”

While a mate can administer this “love with teeth,” outside help may also be needed, particularly in the early years of marriage. Most churches offer counseling to couples experiencing marital stresses.  Or you may ask an older couple to serve as marriage mentors.  If problems persist and forgiveness is absent, tell someone.  Seek help!

Forgiveness is one of the disciplines in marriage that must be practiced for a lifetime.  No marriage can be all that God intended without it.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

LOST THAT LOVIN’ FEELING?

NOTE:  The following article is from “Bible Gateway” support@lists.biblegateway.com. 

Todays Truth:  “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love” Rev.2:4 NIV).

(If you aren’t married, I want you to read this devotion through the lens of this…have you lost that lovin’ feeling towards Jesus?  Now, read on sister and consider Jesus as your heavenly groom.)

If you’re married, what do you do when you’ve lost that loving’ feelin’?  Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why.  Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were.  Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now take them for granted.  What do you do now?

Here’s a statistic you might find interesting.  According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier.  In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy in the late 1980’s, and who stayed married, rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later (Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage (New York: Double Day, 2000) 148).  In comparison, those who divorced and remarried, divorced again at a rate of 60 percent (Judith Wallerstein and Julia A. Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, Hyperion, 2000) P.295)

So, starting over may very well be the answer…as long as it’s with the same man.

In the book of Revelation in the Bible, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus.  “Yet, I hold this against you; You have forsaken your first love” (Rev.2:4).  Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament and yet, somewhere along the way, they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ.  Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.

As I read God’s lament, I whispered a prayer.  “Oh Lord, how many of us women have forgotten our first love.  We’ve forgotten the thrill we felt when we first met our husbands: the spine tingling chills when he walked into a room, the heart skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when we opened a letter penned by his hand, the electricity of sexual desire stirred with a kiss.  Somewhere between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, folding the laundry…somewhere among the mundane routine of life, we’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’.

How do we get it back?  God gave the church two simple steps for the Bride of Christ to renew her passion for her Beloved, and I believe we can apply the same principles to renewing our passion for the man of our dreams.

Remember and Return.

Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place?  Remember how you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection?  That may have been fifty pounds and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart.  He wants to know if he still “has what it takes.”  Let him know that he does……..

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HUSBANDS ARE NOT IRONMAN

We already discussed meekness.

Developing meekness assists us so “we are not angered” by others.

Developing a quiet spirit assists us so “we don’t anger” others.

1Pet.3:4 “…The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Listen to Proverbs.

Prov.16:23 “The heart of the wise instructs his mouth.”

This is saying learn to LISTEN!

When you listen to your spouse, you understand them better because you are learning about them.

What happens when you listen?

YOU: Learn, understand and act rather than react.
SPOUSE: Feels understood, opens up more and gets healed.

We need to STOP, and LISTEN so that we can hear and understand our partners concerns.

Prov.10:31-32 “The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom…The lips of the righteous brings forth what is acceptable.

Prov.15:23 NLT “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time.”

As a wife, you can tell when you have said the right thing and have spoken into your husbands life.

Prov.25:15 “Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem.”

James 1:19 “…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”

The word “hear” in the Greek, means to UNDERSTAND.

Prov.18:15 “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, the ears of the wise seek it out.”

Listening is part of the burden process.

Gal.6:2 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

You cannot bear one another’s burdens till you know what they are.

By listening you will learn.

Here are the listening steps:

1. Your spouse tells you their concerns and what is happening in their life.
2. You listen
3. Your spouse feels understood and shares even more.
4. You understand your spouse better, and fervently pray for them.
5. They gain insight and get healed, which empowers them.

James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

I know you think your husband is the “Ironman” but empathize with him.

He will LOVE YOU for it!!! You forgot already? You’re his GIRLFRIEND!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

  A WIFE’S SPEECH

I remember those words growing up with five brothers.  My mother always suffered with headaches but if I had five sons I probably would have headaches too.  Lol!!  She slept in the living room, so as we would be making our breakfast, the famous words were, “Can’t you keep the noise down?”  As I remember it, telling that to five boys made noise making even more adventurous for them to up it a couple of octaves.

At the academy awards, the “Kings Speech” won best picture.  We were so excited for England since we were missionaries in England for five years and have an abundance of love for that country.

Today I would like to talk about a “Wife’s Speech.”  I found that 1Peter is the perfect verse to use.

1Peter 3:3,4 “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of GREAT PRICE.”

Wow!  Wow!  Wow!  These verses say it all!

The word “meek” in Greek is pronounced prah-ooce’ which means MILD.

The word “quiet” in Greek means to KEEP STILL in one’s seat, UNDISTURBED and PEACEABLE.

These verses are saying that God loves to see the meek and quiet spirit at work in our lives.

The “outward adorning” is the Greek word Kosmos which the word cosmetics comes from.

Here are some ways to acquire the attitude of MEEKNESS.

1.  Ask God to remove any roots of stubbornness or aggression in you.

2.  Ask God to give you situations in which you can practice meekness.

LISTEN TO THIS TRUE STORY:

In Rick Renners book “Sparkling Gems”, he talks about when he was in a church in the city of Kiev in the Ukraine.  They were at this large table having borsch, which is a soup.  There was an elderly lady there serving the borsch.  She was about seventy-five years old and had very deep wrinkles.  He could tell that she had a very hard life.  He asked the pastor who she was.  The pastor said with a sparkle in his eyes and a glowing face, that she was his wife.  He began to tell Rick how this woman waited 15 years for him while he was doing a prison sentence.  (In Russia, they put you in jail for the slightest thing.)  He also stated that during that time, she was responsible for rearing and providing for their 15 children.

As I was thinking about sharing this story with you, I thought about this woman.  I don’t know if she is still alive.  I don’t know but her children have to be.  Can you imagine them reading this blog right now and saying to themselves that their mother would have never thought her story would be going around the world.

She just did what she could, with what she had.

That pastors love goes beyond her looks.  She let it be “the hidden man of the heart, in which is not corruptible.”

The next time you are adorning yourself with perfume, makeup, and attractive clothing, stop and check your spirit.

Are you meek?  Or are you acting rude, selfish and prideful towards your husband?

Does your husband have that sparkle in his eyes and a glow on his face?

You can put it there today!!  Go on girl, you are his GIRLFRIEND!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

HUSBANDS WHO ARE IN KINDERGARTEN

If the root cause of most diseases and ailments is excessive stress, then instead of treating the root cause, many physicians are treating the symptoms.

Prescriptions to treat these symptoms are at an all time high.

(Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Lexapro)

These drugs DO NOT prevent stress.

Even with these addictive drugs, we are not sure that they even help the symptoms.

Excessive release of “stress hormones” damages cells, tissues, and organs.

1.  Through Christ, Anxiety can be Overcome.

Phil.4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”

In the Greek, the word “strengthen” means to EMPOWER.

The Apostle Paul had  INVISIBLE SUPPORT.

CASE AND POINT:  I don’t know about you, but my husband LOVES, loves, loves, those super hero movies.  I don’t think we have ever missed a one.  Why? Because the odds are unfair.  He is endued with power and tears everyone up.  Of course there is the evil one, but he overcomes and we walk out of the cinema happy.

God wants you to call on him because only he can give you the strength to overcome whatever catastrophes may hit your marriage.

2.  God promises to meet all our needs.

Phil.4:19  “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

The Philippians knew that it was impossible to out give God.

Whatever you are anxious about, remember that you cannot out give God.

STOP taking it out on your husband.

Is he wanting to get something that you have decided that not only is it to expensive but it doesn’t make sense.

Your sense, if I may.   DON’T treat him like he is in kindergarten!!

He is a big healthy boy.  He works hard and his desires don’t have to match yours.

In fact, they probably NEVER WILL.

Make the sacrifice for him.  GOD WILL MEET YOUR NEED!!!!

Okay, we will move on wives, but one day “I’ll Be Back” and we will cover that finance topic again.

3.  With you is the grace of God.

Phil.4:23 “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.”

Grace is Gods undeserved favor.

CASE AND POINT: Some one told my daughter that there could be a hundred girls in a room, but God will point her out and she would be chosen.  That is exactly what happened to her.  She was picked from a studio out of hundreds of girls to go free of charge to China.

Stay with me!!! The grace of God is WITH YOU!!

How would you even know that if you weren’t pinned in a corner.

Undeserved favor means you DON’T deserve it!!

Has your spouse done or said something stupid.  Well, so have you.  AND ME!!

Anxiety is a marriage killer!! You only need a dose of God’s grace!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

EXCESSIVE STRESS IN MARRIAGE

The American Academy of Pediatrics estimated in the year 2000 that one in five children in the United States had psychosocial problems related to stress.

We are at epidemic levels of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, sexual dysfunction, sleep disorders, osteoporosis, alcoholism, road rage and other forms of violent behavior, PMS, and headaches.

At the root of most of these diseases and ailments we find excessive stress! 

Excessive stress is not your spouse’s doing, you have allowed it to creep into your marriage.

A.   Practice Godly Behavior

Phil.4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me…put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”In the Greek, the word “practice” means to PERFORM REPEATEDLY or habitually.

This is EXCELLENT!! When anxiety hits you, that is the time to put everything you have been taught to practice.

What are you to put to practice?

1. Learned – Christian things you have practiced.

2. Received – Christian things that have blessed you.

3.  Heard – Christian things you have perceived through hearing.

4.  Seen – Christian miracles you have experienced

Your Christian walk and marriage is not to be dead, dry and formal.

It is to be ALIVE and VIBRANT.

B. Put others needs first

Phil.4:10 “…you have renewed your concern for me…you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it.”Anxiety often occurs because of selfish concerns. You cannot bless others without getting blessed yourself.

When you put others first, especially your husband, it is a generous  gift  which is evidence of your love for him.

When a need is met in your life, you are overjoyed.  It is the same with others.

Today, find something he NEEDS and surprise him by meeting that need.

C.  Work on Contentment

Phil.4:11 “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

In today’s world, people are not content whether they have a lot or if they have little.

People who are discontented usually don’t know the difference between needs and wants.

We become like a hamster running around on  wheel.

Many wives put a lot of pressure on their husbands to make them content.  True contentment is to glorify God and be with him through eternity.

When difficult times came, Apostle Paul was content because he had learned to live with very little.

Paul allowed bad circumstances to not control his contentment.

How do you treat your husband when he doesn’t meet your needs?   Do you let it pass?

Contentment and godliness is GREAT GAIN.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

 WHAT TO DO WITH ANXIETY

Let’s first start out with some pretty startling statistics.

According to the American Institute of stress, 75 to 90 percent of all visits to a primary care physician’s office are related to stress disorders.

Feelings of stress are driving us to the pharmacy shelves.

Every year Americans are consuming:

5 billion tranquilizers,

5 billion barbiturates,

3 billion amphetamines, and

16 tons of aspirin every year.

Much of this “medicine” is being taken to help alleviate stress or the resulting headaches and pain associated with stress!

We will get back to more statistics, but lets see what Gods word says about solving the problem.

Phil.4:6 “be careful for nothing…”

The Greek word for “careful” is pronounced mer-im-nah’-o and it means to be anxious about.

In other words, the verse means not to be anxious about ANYTHING. Not finances, not time, not work, not family, not friends, not health, not food, not circumstances or our husbands, are we to be anxious about.

HOLD THAT TIGER!!!

Sounds hard? For our flesh, it is extremely hard. This is why we need the leading of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Remember that the Holy Spirit is our teacher, guide, comforter and anything that we are not, HE IS. Isn’t that great!! The lover of our soul!

WHAT TO DO WHEN ANXIOUS

#1 Earnest prayer

Phil.4:6 “…but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

The word “supplication” in the Greek means requests.

The word “thanksgiving” in the Greek means with gratitude.

In other words, we are to take everything including our anxieties to God, requesting with gratitude to Yahweh Yireh, our provider.

#2 Trust God for Peace of Mind

Phil.4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

In the Greek, the word “peace” means rest. The word “understanding” in the Greek means of the mind.

So it means the rest that God will bring to your mind cannot be understood by our intellect.

In other words, we are too dumb to understand it. LOL!

I AM SORRY. It is just that it has happened to me so many times that it is almost embarrassing. God will tell me not to worry. My stubborn flesh says, “Well, if you don’t worry and don’t take care of it, who will take care of it? No one cares but you!” Then I start worrying again. But when I start crying out to Gods precious Holy Spirit, I have peace again.

#3 Think on Positive Thoughts

Phil.4:8 “Whatsoever things are TRUE, whatsoever thing are HONEST, whatsoever things are JUST, whatsoever things are PURE, whatsoever things are LOVELY, whatsoever things are of GOOD REPORT, if there be any praise, think on these things.”

When we feel anxiety, it’s a sign that we need to RELAX!

Use the word of God to relax with. IT WORKS EVERY TIME!!

Let’s be real now. So many times we are stressed about things that are not important at all.

If you are the type of woman who visits with her family all the time whether it is on the phone or seeing them, don’t bring their problems home. A man is not equipped to deal with a womans emotions. He can’t feel what she is feeling because he is a man. Just like you can’t get all excited about opening up the hood of a new car and start checking out all the nonsense that is going on under the hood. Yet, you expect him to be sensitive to every member of the family and what their children and their children’s children are going through. GIVE IT A REST!!

I have never met a young man who couldn’t wait to get married so he could be MOTHER MACREE to the family.

When we first got married, my husband could always tell when I had a family visit on my day off. I would come home in a mood.

Or you might be the type of wife that wants him to solve problems for your girlfriends at your work or your church. When he doesn’t, you feel he is being selfish.

LET THE ANXIETY GO!! You will bury your marriage, one shovel at a time.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

STICK WITH THE TRUTH

LIFE HAS A WAY OF EDITING THE TRUTH of Scripture.  Imagine what happens, for example, when a daughter says through tears that her Christian husband is verbally abusing her and her children.

“Daddy,” she sobs, “I don’t know how much longer I can take this!”  At that moment we would do anything to free her from her pain.  “After all,” we conclude, “wouldn’t peace be better for the kids than hostility?”

If we react only with our hearts, however, we may forget about God’s Word and resort to the world’s solution—divorce.  It’s in these real life situations that the truth of  Scripture can too easily be set aside for immediate peace and the expediency of life.  If we let it, life can indeed edit Scripture.

The prophet Micaiah refused to cave in like this.  He insisted on speaking the truth of God, regardless of how much pain it caused him.  “As the Lord lives,” he declared, “whatever the Lord says to me, that I will speak” (1kings 22:4)

I’m not trying to dismiss this problem by giving a cut-and-dried theological answer.  I believe parents can and should seek help from law enforcement officials if a son or daughter is in physical danger.  We can encourage our married children to seek godly counsel for a troubled marriage.  But we must not rush to accept the world’s solutions and ignore truth of God’s Word.  His counsel is sure and life giving.  Our compassion and advice must be informed and guided by all the truth of Scripture.

NOTE:  This article was taken from “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

YOUR HUSBANDS TOP THREE NEEDS (Continued /Final)

In the past two days, we have covered two of the top needs in your husband’s life.  Respect and to be needed.

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, he tells us what these top three are.

The third is to be FULFILLED.

1.  For your husband, sexual fulfillment fills a powerful emotional need!

Your husband needs sex and he needs for you to enjoy it.

1Cor.7:4-5 “The wife hath not power of (over) her own body, but the husband (does): and likewise also the husband hath not power of (over) his own body, but the wife (does).  Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again (continue to have sexual intercourse), that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

According to surveys taken from Shaunti Feldhahn in her book “For women only” when men were asked how important it was for them to feel sexually desired and wanted by their wife, 66% said very important. Also, 31% said somewhat important and the other 3% were in the irrelevant and not very important category.

Wow!  97% of husbands NEEDED THEIR WIVES TO DESIRE THEM SEXUALLY!

Don’t ignore that number!

Your husband may not tell you but he could be burdened with secret feeling of inadequacy

The same way you would feel if your husband stopped speaking to you, is as emotionally serious to him.

74% of men said that they could not be sexually satisfied if their wives were reluctant or just accommodating to their sexual needs.

Sex makes your man feel loved and gives him the strength to face the world with confidence.

A fulfilling sex life creates great benefits in your husbands life..

This verse plainly explains that it is FRAUD if one or the other refrains from sex without the others permission.

I have worked with many wives who have refused sex all together.

What I tell them is the next time they refuse their husband sex, she needs to go on a FOOD FAST the next day.  Then I ask her what she thinks she will be thinking about all day and how will her stomach feel.

This may seem unfair, but this is exactly how HE FEELS.

He didn’t marry you because he couldn’t wait for you to hang those ugly flowered curtains on your kitchen windows.

He didn’t marry you for your great cooking cause his mothers cooking was better.

He married you because he thought he was going to have GREAT SEX with his bride the rest of his life.

Dr. Laura says that what every husband wants is his wives naked body slapped against his.

Did you marry him under FALSE PRETENCES?

Let the food burn girls.

2.  He also needs to know that he is your number one priority.

Once you get married, your husband ends up last.  Kids, housecleaning, work, neighbors, hobbies, cooking and everything else comes first.

Your husband needs to be fulfilled by you emotionally and physically.  You were hand-picked to do this and equipped for it.

RESPECT, TO BE NEEDED AND FULFILLMENT

The three basic needs are to be respected, to be needed, and to be fulfilled.

Once again, the exciting part is that wives are EQUIPPED to do all three.

Want a great marriage that will last a lifetime?  Put these three basic needs to practice starting TODAY!

ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!