LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

WHERE DO YOU TURN IN TIMES OF TROUBLE?

AS SECULARISM AND HUMANISM continue to gain traction in our culture, we are increasingly bombarded with messages of positive thinking, of our ability to “do” and “accomplish,” and with our ability to solve all our problems.  Just think positively, the message goes,  and have faith in yourself!

While we have written about the importance of building good self-esteem, we understand that good self-esteem, doesn’t mean putting  our faith in our own abilities rather than God.  Jeremiah warned Israel against just that kind of self-sufficiency, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Cursed is the man who trust in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord'”  (Jer.17:5).  Contrast that warning with the promise two verses later which reads, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord.”

This is an amazing warning/promise combination.  It tells us that during the troubled times in our marriages and in our homes–and they will come!–we had better make sure we’re not relying on our own talents and abilities.  Instead, we need to consciously put our trust and our confidence completely in the God who created marriages and families in the first place.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

COMMITMENT AS THE YEARS GO BY

I have never hesitated to tell Barbara I love her.  But I remember one time when I felt especially surprised by her reply.

We had been married a number of years, and perhaps on that day she wanted actions to back up my words.  “Well, I know you love me.”  she said.  “But you’re supposed to.  You’re my husband.”

When she saw how her words puzzled me, she then explained that many things test commitment in marriage—and perhaps nothing tests it more than the passage of years.  “When you first marry,” Barbara concluded, “you declare your commitment and trust to a person you hardly know.”

Isn’t that amazing?  You think you know all about your life partner—but in reality, you probably see just the tip of the iceberg.

No matter what struggles you work through, no matter how many heated discussions you have until 2 A.M., each of you should know, without a shadow of doubt, no escape clause exists in your marriage vows.  In the end, your commitment needs to rest on just one thing: Your faith in the God who brought you together.  That bedrock should be like a granite foundation, rock solid and immovable.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE (Part 1) 

There are six important human needs that every spouse can’t do without.

First, the need to be FLEXIBLE.

The definition for “flexible” is the ability to adjust readily to different conditions.

In marriage, not only should we allow our partner to be flexible, we also need to be flexible.

So often I will be talking to someone that is married whose ideas are very RIGID.

This is a person whose incapable of adapting or changing to meet circumstances.

Let me be blunt!!!  A person like that should not be married.

You are about to make your spouse miserable!!

With a capital “M”!

A person like that usually will marry someone that will spend the rest of their life catering to them and them only.

There are people like that around but they are FEW.

Marriage should be a union where each spouse knows their place and giftedness and puts their talent and ability into use.

As they yield themselves to flexibility, they learn and find new OPPORTUNITIES to explore.

CASE AND POINT:  When we lived in England in the 1980’s, our church was in a town called “Eccles.”  There were people coming to our church, that had never been out of Eccles.  They had no need to leave and were very comfortable with their surroundings.  The problem was that you could drive five minutes in any direction and you would be out of Eccles. It is extremely small.

In Proverbs there are some descriptive words we need to explore.

Prov.31:19-20 “She stretches out her hands to the distaff (the staff on which wool  or flax is wound before spinning), and her hand holds the spindle (a stick used to twist the yarn in spinning).  She extends her hand to the poor,  Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

It is not a coincidence that the words STRETCH, EXTEND and REACH are used.

Matt.5:41 “And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.”

 Jesus was not feeling sorry for anyone in this verse.

He wasn’t saying, “Oh, you poor thing!”

Jesus was saying the opposite, “Go the extra mile!”

 You need to go the other mile for your spouse.

Get out of Eccles!!!  Get out of your comfort zone!

Let your spouse get a new job, a new hobby, a new car, a new house, a new toy.

Next time you gain a few pounds and try to get into your old jeans, lets see how comfortable you are.

Those jeans start cutting into your skin and you end up with red sores at the seams.

Ask me how I know?  Lol!!

That is the same misery your spouse goes through when he has to play “Mother may I” and mom doesn’t play fair.

Remember your spouse married someone he could spend the rest of his life having FUN with.

In Malachi 2, it says that the wife is her husband’s COMPANION.

God designed you to be fun and flexible.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET??

NOTE:  Tomorrow will be the continuation of the other five human needs in our life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DON’T SHRED YOUR SPOUSE ON THE INSIDE  

Why would you want to take up sword fighting with your spouse?

We don’t want to sword fight against our spouse, we want to sword fight with them on the same team.

The Apostle Paul tells us that we have a weapon that can devastate satans strategies against your marriage.

Eph.6:17 “And take…the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.”

In the Greek, this word “sword” is MACHAIRA.

This word “machaira” is important because it was a special kind of sword.

There are a variety of swords used by the Roman soldiers.

The “machaira” was able to painfully shred the insides of it’s victim because it was used like a corkscrew.

It was a razor-sharp deadly and frightful weapon.

Just like this particular sword brought terror to the imagination of the enemy, the “sword of the spirit” torments the devil.

When the enemy starts to intervene in your marriage, get quiet in your heart and listen to the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit will give you a Rhema (word) to speak at the devil.

This is close combat and a time to use your sword.

You use it like a corkscrew; Insert, Twist and do Damage!

Gods word stays dormant in your heart till you let it come out of your mouth, then it is a two-edged sword.

There is a difference between “rhema” and “logos.”

“Logos” is the written word of God.

“Rhema” is a quicken specific word from the Spirit.

The Holy Spirit teaches us to use it offensively and defensively.

We should earnestly study and practice sword exercise as Jesus did in his conflict with Satan and with the scribes and the Pharisees.

Sword practice in your marriage is allowing the Holy Spirit to supply, inspire and employ Gods word (machaira).

CASE AND POINT:  Japanese sword training is something of a lifelong journey.  Even the masters consider themselves to be humble students, constantly striving for perfection and always feeling that they can execute a cut cleaner, faster and with more precision.  In traditional Japanese sword training, techniques are often practiced many thousands of times before any degree of proficiency is obtained.

Do you have a good grasp of Gods word and know how to apply it with precision?

God’s word can be an effective weapon when attacks come against your marriage.

Don’t use a plastic toy gun!!!

We need to use specific scriptural truths to counter satanic falsehoods.

Insert, twist and do damage!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN A WAR?

 Would you like to quench every flaming dart the devil tries to shoot into your marriage? In Ephesians the Apostle Paul assures us that with our shield of faith, we can be supernaturally empowered to defend ourselves. “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”  Eph.6:16 Every fiery dart the devil throws your way can be extinguished by the Holy Spirit.

CASE AND POINT:  During the Iraqi War and the Gulf War of 1991, scud missiles were being thrown at our soldiers and civilians.  The Patriot Missile system was designed to detect, target then hit an incoming missile.  Without the patriot missile, many lives would have been taken.

The “shield” was a large stone used to close an entrance; a door. The shields were the full length of a man about the size of a door. To assure the soldier that fiery darts would not affect them, the shield protected them from head to toe.

This is an example of the Holy Spirit protecting us as we use our “shield of faith.” With God on our side, the enemy cannot penetrate our supernatural shield that is guarding us from head to toe. Faith is an essential protection over your marriage against flaming arrows of temptation.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “It is faith in something that makes life worth living.”

Our marriage is in a war all the time. When a flaming missile is lodged, it burns everything in its vicinity. This is exactly the way the enemy works in our marriage since God’s word warns us that the devil is here to kill, steal and destroy.

You must carry the “shield of faith” in front of you. The battle is not a power struggle, it’s a truth struggle.

Make sure that you are not quenching the Holy Spirit before you try to quench the devils darts. What are the “fiery darts?”  doubts, fears, worries, etc.

Do you care enough for your marriage  to fight for it? Choose between what is true and what is deceit in this world.

Is the devil throwing deceitful lying thoughts? Your marriage is in a war zone! Fight with the shield of Faith!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

KNOWLEDGE BEFORE CONVICTION

NO ONE CAN BUILD a strong marriage without spending time cultivating a relationship with God.  But to develop genuine faith, you need knowledge.  Knowledge comes before conviction, and an accurate knowledge of God comes as we spend time in the scriptures.

How well do you know God?  Did you know that God praises the individual who “understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.  For in these I delight” (Jer.9:24)?  How well do you understand and know God?

Early in my life I went through a period where I thought I had a terminal disease.  I was honestly shocked at how poorly I handled my apparent crisis.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was preoccupied with my condition.  My faith was rocked.

The crisis passed and it was determined that I didn’t have the disease.  The whole event ended up being a wake-up call for me by revealing that I needed to know more about God and understand His love and plan for my life.

That experience showed me that my faith is only as good as it’s object.  It is confidence, a firm conviction that God and His Word are true.

If we are to trust God with our lives, we need to know that our heavenly Father loves us.  How can we trust that which we do not know?  How can we exhibit faith in God if we don’t know Him?

So again, how well do you know God?  How much time have you spent with Him lately?  Pray that God would give you a deeper knowledge of Him and that you and your spouse will grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  What danger signs should I look for in relationships with the opposite sex?

Answer #1.  Whenever you develop an in-depth relationship with someone from the opposite sex–at any level– certain forces come into play that can result in a potent chemical reaction that can cause considerable trouble.  Some signs that this reaction is beginning to occur include the following:

* You have a need that you feel your mate isn’t meeting—for attention, approval, affection–and that other person begins meeting your need.

* You find it easier to unwind with someone other than your spouse by dissecting the day’s difficulties over lunch, coffee, or during a ride home.

* You begin to talk about problems you are having with your spouse.

* You rationalize the relationship by saying that surely it must be God’s will to talk so openly and honestly with a fellow Christian.  You become defensive about the relationship and protective of it.

* You look forward to being with this person more than with your own mate.

* You wonder what you’d do if you didn’t have this friend to talk to.

* You hide the relationship from your mate.

If you see any of these warning signs, take action immediately.  Your friendship with this other person must end, even if it means taking drastic measures.  Don’t put your marriage at risk!

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN A WAR?

 Would you like to quench every flaming dart the devil tries to shoot into your marriage? In Ephesians the Apostle Paul assures us that with our shield of faith, we can be supernaturally empowered to defend ourselves. “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”  Eph.6:16 Every fiery dart the devil throws your way can be extinguished by the Holy Spirit.

CASE AND POINT:  During the Iraqi War and the Gulf War of 1991, scud missiles were being thrown at our soldiers and civilians.  The Patriot Missile system was designed to detect, target then hit an incoming missile.  Without the patriot missile, many lives would have been taken.

The “shield” was a large stone used to close an entrance; a door. The shields were the full length of a man about the size of a door. To assure the soldier that fiery darts would not affect them, the shield protected them from head to toe.

This is an example of the Holy Spirit protecting us as we use our “shield of faith.” With God on our side, the enemy cannot penetrate our supernatural shield that is guarding us from head to toe. Faith is an essential protection over your marriage against flaming arrows of temptation.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “It is faith in something that makes life worth living.”

Our marriage is in a war all the time. When a flaming missile is lodged, it burns everything in its vicinity. This is exactly the way the enemy works in our marriage since God’s word warns us that the devil is here to kill, steal and destroy.

You must carry the “shield of faith” in front of you. The battle is not a power struggle, it’s a truth struggle.

Make sure that you are not quenching the Holy Spirit before you try to quench the devils darts. What are the “fiery darts?”  doubts, fears, worries, etc.

Do you care enough for your marriage  to fight for it? Choose between what is true and what is deceit in this world.

Is the devil throwing deceitful lying thoughts? Your marriage is in a war zone! Fight with the shield of Faith!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

BUILDING A PEACEFUL MARRIAGE.

 Many times women will wear “killer shoes” just to look tall and slender or to look cute.

When we are in the middle of problems we will pull anything out of our arsenal bag to bring a peaceful ending.

God has an ANSWER to bring peace to our marriage.

There is an important part of your spiritual armor that is very necessary to have peace in your marriage.

Eph.6:14-15 “Stand therefore, having your…your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.”

Paul was telling the Christians that just like a soldiers feet had to be comfortable and protected to win their approaching battles we need that preparation and equipment to fight for peace in our marriage.

Boots were part of their weaponry.  These boots protected the legs as well as had spikes on the bottom to be used as a WEAPON.

Today’s military boots are adjusted with boot stretchers and cushioned with purchased arch supports.

We will always have to put WORK and preparation into our marriages as times and seasons change our lives.

Preparation means “readiness” and we need to face the enemy with firm footing.

As a spouse and Christian soldier, your equipment is your readiness to be a living testimony of God’s Good News.

During the time of battle you are EXPECTED to do everything to keep the peace in your home.

God ordained marriage but because of our fallen world, we will always have to face concerns, fears or worries.

God tells us NOT to worry or have anxiety.

He wants us to exchange our heaviness for the Lords light burden.

CASE AND POINT:  During WWII, bombs would rain down on London and Coventry.  Coventry was literally flattened by the end of the war.  When we lived in England in the 1980’s I remember that Coventry seemed so much newer than the rest of the Country.  When I was told that it had to be rebuilt after the war, my heart broke for the families that didn’t make it through the war.  When the people of England had defeated hearts as they felt they were loosing.  Winston Churchill would come on the radio.  This mans voice changed discouraged hearts to be a heart filled with courage and peace.  They won the war!!!

This is what the  “gospel of peace” does for you and I in our marriage.

Peace is a state of wellbeing!

 Isn’t it funny how God put “peace” along with these killer weapon’s.

These “feet shod” protect you from the insults and assaults of the devil.

God’s peace will hold you in place when the devil tries to push you around.

Have there been DIFFICULT times in your marriage?

Is the devil trying to shove you around?

Is the enemy BLOCKING your path to a great marriage?

Keep stomping with your boots.

BIND God’s peace into your mind and emotions.

Partner with the Holy Spirit and be confident that God will provide His peace that passes all understanding.

“And the peace of God will, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:7

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

KEEPING HEART FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

 Do you know how to identify parasites in your marriage?

Are you even WATCHING out for parasites?

A parasite is a follower who hangs around a host in hope of gain or advantage.

The Apostle Paul tells us to have on the BREASTPLATE of righteousness for a crucial reason.

“Stand therefore…having on the breastplate of righteousness” Eph.6:14

A breastplate covers the heart and vital organs and keeps them from harm or being destroyed.

In our spiritual ARSENAL, we have the breastplate of righteousness and all we have to do is put it on.

1Thess.5:8 “…having put on a breastplate of faith and love…”

God’s character is the definition and source of all righteousness.

Satan’s attacks come against your marriage with crafty ACCUSATIONS that undermine what God is doing in your marriage.

Remember that you are wearing the breastplate of righteousness when the enemy comes around to destroy.

Righteousness is anything that conforms to a standard and our standard is the WORD of God.

An area the enemy thrusts at marriages is unrighteousness in our finances.

Finances are at the top four reasons that cause the most DIVORCES.

The enemy tries to get you to hide money from your spouse.

He will cause you to have a spending frenzy so you will try to SPEND as much money as you can before your spouse does.

Being righteous in your finances means that you surrender to the Holy Spirit who fills and controls you.

Warfare starts in the battlefield of your MIND.

Be sure that you pay tithes and offerings so that you will not be robbing God and closing the windows of heaven.

Gods Word says that when we give, he opens up HEAVEN to us.

Do you and your spouse argue about money?

Arguing over finances NEVER solves marital problems.

If the finances cannot be resolved, you can either hire a financial advisor or a Christian marital counselor who can teach you some communication skills.

Money is to be a tool to bring us closer to God as we commit our finances to Him.

Are you FULL of parasites?

“My flock has become prey and food for every wild animal.”  How so?  For “they lack a shepherd.” (Eze.34:8)

Are parasites hanging on you trying to take advantage of your situation?

Parasites promise PLEASURE but grow and consume more of your thoughts and time.

Your loyalty to your spouse and your time are stolen away.

Pay attention to your marriage and GUARD it!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  Prov.4:23 NIV

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.