LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

 BITTERNESS IN MARRIAGE IS POISONOUS

 The words resentment and bitterness in the Greek refer to poison.

Resentment is poisonous to your physical health and your mental health.

You can’t build your happiness on your spouse’s unhappiness.

God’s word tells us exactly what to do with “resentment.”

Eph.4:31 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and anger, along with every form of malice.”

I hope you got the message spouses!!??!!

Get rid of it!

Take responsibility for your own actions with the part you played and stop blaming your spouse for everything!

Resentment destroys everyone around you including yourself.

Heb.12:15 “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Psychologist Dr. Archibald Hart in his book, “Helping Children Survive Divorce” states that psychology by itself does not have a solution.  He states that only the GOSPEL OF CHRIST is capable of healing the deepest human hurt at its very root.

Resentments destructive power comes from several sources:

• Resentment never Forgets.

Resentment best fits our “lower nature.”  (animal nature)

We enjoy resentment because it feeds self-pity.

• Resentment exaggerates all subsequent hurts.
• Resentment destroys happiness and prevents contentment.

If we were left to our own devices we would self-destruct.

• Resentments cure is revenge.

Steps to defuse the destructive power of resentment:

• Dispose of your need for Revenge.
• Declare your forgiving spirit to your spouse who has hurt you.
• Deliberately turn your resentment into kindness.

Confess the sin of unforgiveness.

Allow the Holy Spirit to fill and control your life.

When the Holy Spirit is in control, this is the fruit it produces.

• Love and joy pushes all bitterness out.
• Peace will come into your soul.
• Longsuffering will deal with bitterness and any other problems.
• Gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance are fruits of righteousness.

CASE AND POINT:  I have faults, but one of them is not to be bitter or hold resentment.  I get angry then get over it and forget it.  That is part of my nature.  When my spouse does something and I am feeling very hurt and resentful, I feel ugly inside.  I know that my actions are hurting God.  The last thing I want to do is to quench the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is all I have in life.  I don’t want to do anything that hurts God.  This is the key that helps and guides my actions.

If you love God, you will not want to hurt your spouse because it hurts God.

Once again, you cannot build your happiness on your spouses unhappiness.

YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT A PROBLEM, HE IS YOUR PRIORITY!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HELP EACH OTHER GROW UP IN FAITH

Do you want to grow up in your faith? Do you and your spouse desire to know the deep joy that comes from maturing in your relationship with God? If so, I have an insider’s secret that will help. For centuries followers of Jesus have recognized the critical importance of discipline. While I have no interest in a lifeless list of legalistic tasks that will turn the Christian life into a graceless, joyless religion based on works, I know that certain basic exercises will change a flabby, weak faith into a strong one. Consider a few of the most important:

.Prayer. Prayer is the way we communicate with God. Pray both as individuals and as a couple. Perhaps the two of you can pray together briefly before you go to sleep at night.

.Bible study. In God’s Word we learn everything we need to know about God, His promises, and what He wants from us. Make use of commute time or an exercise session by carrying a pocket-sized Bible or listening to the Bible on CD or your MP3 player.

.Worship. If you are not worshiping God, you are probably worshiping something else. Find a vibrant, Christ-worshiping, Bible-believing church, and commit to regular worship there.

.Giving. We own nothing; we are simply stewards of resources, on loan from God. Regular tithing (giving 10 percent of your income) to your local church and generous giving to other Christian causes is a great way to strengthen your heart for God’s work (see Matthew 6:21).

. Fellowship. We need others and they need us to accomplish the work of the kingdom. How about building relationships with others by joining or offering to lead a small group Bible study at your church?

. Service. In every local church, there is a need for people to use their spiritual gifts and natural abilities to serve others. And there are ministries in every community that need volunteers to feed the hungry and help the poor. Seek one out!

.Witness. Jesus has entrusted to us the task of reconciling men and women to God. Cultivate friendships with neighbors, plant seeds by sharing your testimony along with insights from God’s Word, and extend an invitation for them to receive Christ. Let the light of Jesus shine out of your life.

The apostle Paul instructed Timothy to exercise himself for godliness. When you practice these important spiritual disciplines, you’ll be getting the kind of workout that makes you spiritually strong.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – Q&A 

Question #1:  What does it mean to focus on my wife?

Answer #1:  Focus means giving someone your undivided attention. I win in my relationship with Barbara when I turn from my list of priorities in order to zero in on her. I win when I listen to her without staring at the television or going through the mail. I win when I respond thoughtfully to what she has said. Sometimes that means ignoring the cell phone while she’s trying to bare her soul. I’ve learned that there are times when she wants my attention, even if we aren’t saying anything!

A great way to focus on your wife is to enjoy a regular date night. (Sunday night was our standard time to get away and talk.) Or consider heading to bed early and asking her how her day was. Focus fosters communication and a deeper connection.

Focus also understands her needs for romance. Do you recall how she spells it?  R-e-l-a-t-i-o-n-s-h-i-p. Spend energy prayerfully thinking about how you can meet her needs for romance. Craft a highly romantic day and evening just for her. On paper, spell out the specifics of how you are going to focus on her-a love letter, a gift, flowers, a walk, a picnic or a nice meal, a drawn bubble bath, scented candles and a massage.  Make sure you are speaking her love language, not your own.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 QUARRELS ARE SELFISH ACTS THAT DESTROY

Quarrels center in a desire for recognition, honor, power, pleasure, money and superiority.

It is a selfish act that DESTROYS children for life and leaves the possibility for a break-up.

 A study of children six years after the breakup of their parents showed that even after all that time, these children still suffered from unhappiness, insecurity, loneliness and anxiety.  (Journal of American academy of child and adolescent Psychiatry 1991 by Wallerstein)

James 4:1-3 “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something but don’t get it.  You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.  You quarrel and fight.  You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasure.”

Arguing is narcissism.  It is an exceptional interest and admiration for yourself.

The single best measure of being emotionally healthy and being a grownup is the capacity for bilateral (2-sided) listening.

There are two speakers and they both count.

Instead of listening to your spouses point of view, your ANGER continues to get the better of you.

You speak with resentment that you know you will regret later.

Does your spouse’s concern count as much as YOUR concern counts?

Only after you have heard the opposing side should you feel free to speak yourself.

“…lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” James 1:19 MSG

Even though this verse is difficult to heed to, this is VITAL for a healthy marriage.

If so, what is your level of maturity?

With one being low and ten being high, what level are you on?

If you give your spouse a chance, it will lead to a much more constructive conversation.

Before a marital confrontation, three things are REQUIRED to make it productive.

First humility: “By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life.”

Second is Compromise:  You need a WIN-WIN situation.  You both need to give in and you both need to get something.

Third is Dialogue:  He talks, you listen.  She talks, you listen.

Prov.15:1  “A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

 Prov. 15:4 “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.”

This is saying that viciousness kills life.

Do you want to KILL your marriage?

Well, you are!!!

Every time you argue and don’t show humility, or compromise and listening you have brought a breach into your marriage.

Your words cannot be put back into your mouth.

You have said enough things in your marriage that you wish you hadn’t.

Do you want to add more??

The choice is yours.

CHOOSE LIFE, NOT DEATH!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

 RAW REALITIES OF MARITAL LIFE

Every Sunday morning, thousands of preachers present polished gems—sermons filled with outstanding biblical knowledge.  But what do we usually do?  After the message, we dutifully sing a song, listen to a prayer, and hustle out by noon.

Where do we take the time to assimilate what we’ve heard?  Too often we gather up the kids, grab a bite to eat, and launch into our Sunday afternoon routine.

Even Balaam, a non-Israelite prophet who apparently really did hear from God, understood the importance of acquiring “the words of God, and…the knowledge of the Most High” (Num.24:16).  Such knowledge is more than mere information—it’s a knowledge that results in convictions and applications.  It’s a truly teachable spirit that applies God’s truth and blueprints amidst the raw realities of life.

Many of us need accountability in order to apply what we’ve learned.  We need someone who will break through our self-built fences and our crowded loneliness and ask us if we are applying to our marriages what we’ve learned from God’s Word in our marriage and family relationships.  Do you have a friend who regularly checks up on you?

Balaam, by the way, didn’t  have such an accountability partner– and he wound up on the sharp side of a Hebrew sword (see Josh.13:22).  Learn from his mistake!

NOTE:  This was an article from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

WEIGHT DOES MATTER IN MARRIAGE

This question was taken from “Family Life Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Question:

What can a woman do when her husband gains an unattractive amount of weight?

Answer:  

An important ingredient of any marriage is the need for husbands and wives to please each other.  Obviously, no husband can lose weight overnight; but if he is seeking to please his wife, then he can make an effort to look sharp and attractive.

Pray that the Lord would grant you opportunities to express how you feel in a gentle and supportive way.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help.  Ask God to help you avoid bitterness toward your husband.  Don’t become preoccupied with the negative, but give him some grace, and love him.

Remember as well that while weight does matter, other issues are more important than external appearance.  Ask God to help you focus on the things that matter most–your husband’s spiritual maturity and his leadership of the family and the marriage, character, faithfulness at work and at home.

If the relationship is healthy  and he is meeting your needs and encouraging you and loving you, and you are focusing on what is most important, I think the old statement, “Love is blind,” is true.  Weight issues don’t  have to get in the way.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

THE GREATEST TREATISE ON MARRIAGE

Do you find that many times when your spouse says something to you, you lose control, and say something out of line?

Instead of listening to your spouse’s point of view, you let your anger speak out of resentment, only to REGRET every word later on.

God knows that these occasions will happen from time to time.

He has the ANSWER in His word.

“…let each one of you (husbands) also must love his own wife as himself, and so the wife must respect her husband.”

This verse is the summary statement of the greatest treatise on marriage in the New Testament.

One of the greatest books on marriage is “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich.  This book is a must for every marriage.

Without LOVE,  the wife reacts without RESPECT.

Without RESPECT, the husband reacts without LOVE.

In Emerson’s book he calls this the “Crazy Cycle”.

The wife tells herself that she is not going to treat her husband  with respect till he shows her love by doing what she wants.

Then, the husband tells HIMSELF that he is not going to love her by doing what she wants till she starts treating him with respect.

They go around and around and around with neither one pleasing their spouse.

It may sound silly, but it is not FUNNY at all.

It happens in every marriage and it is a marriage killer.

Pride sets in and now every one  is stuck on “STUPID!”

Does that sound familiar?????  Of course it does.

It only takes one partner to get off the “Crazy Cycle” and the cycle stops.

My husband does not like to argue.

However, there are times that we do argue about ISSUES.

I make it a point every day to be the one to get off the “Crazy Cycle.”

If I feel the conversation is starting to get out of control and neither one of us is listening anymore, we are both talking, I choose to stop.

If you love God and care about your marriage, GET OFF THE CRAZY CYCLE..

You have a choice and you cannot blame anyone else for the chaos in your marriage.

My CHOICE is to respect my husband even if he is not showing love by doing what I ask.

Every day I get off the “crazy cycle.”

What about you??

STAYING  STUPID??!?!?

NOTE: Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DIVORCE – A FUNERAL THAT NEVER ENDS

God’s word says that He hates divorce.

“For the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence…”  Mal.2:16

Divorce breaks the sacred vows and commitment between two people and God.

Two people are madly in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together.

They purchase new furniture for their place and make it comfortable.

Then a few years later they hate each other and want to destroy each other.

They start ruining their furniture and breaking kitchenware along with any equipment.

What happened?

In verse 16 we see the answer to that question.

A spirit of violence enters into the union of marriage.

I have seen this happen over and over again.

Divorce is a funeral that never ends.

Divorce births a spirit of violence.

You can’t believe it is the same couple that was so in love.

Nothing justifies violence towards your spouse.

In Mal.2:11  a marriage is referred to as a “Holy Institution”.

Remember, anything “Holy” means that it is “set apart.”

Anything “set apart” will be attacked by the enemy.

The enemy does not want the kingdom of God expanded or blessed.

Marriage is referred to as an “divine” establishment.

In verse 15 we see why the enemy doesn’t want our marriages united.

But why?

“But did He not make them one?  Having a remnant of the Spirit?  And why one?  He seeks Godly offspring.  Therefore take heed to your spirit…”

That is the answer.

Why did God create marriage?  BINGO!!

He wants godly offspring!

God desires that we have children, raise them godly, and multiply the world.

When we divorce, we destroy each other, our children and our loved ones.

Malachi 2:15 says to take heed to your spirit.

In other wards, pay attention to your “stinking attitude.”

Maybe you don’t care about your marriage but God does.

He has an investment in it.

Start protecting God’s investment today.

He said to be fruitful and multiply.

“TAKE HEED…”

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to make your marriage a success.

THE RIGHT KIND OF FEAR

Fear Can Prompt Us To Do all sorts of foolish and hurtful things. When you let it pile up in your marriage, it can cause an avalanche of trouble.

For example, how would you respond to your wife if you feared she didn’t respect you, didn’t love you, and thought you were a sorry excuse for a husband?

How would you respond to your husband if you fear he considered you little more than an old piece of luggage and didn’t value you or your opinion?

How would you respond to your in-laws if you feared they thought of you as a poor choice of spouse?

Fears-most of them irrational-can creep into your home in a thousand ways. If that’s the case for you, Isaiah has a good word for you, “The Lord of hosts, Him you shall hallow; let Him be your fear, and let Him be your dread” (Isaiah 8:13). When we truly fear the Lord, all other fears pale into nothingness. A healthy fear of God calms our nerves and helps us to see the universe as it truly is-safe and secure in His very competent hands. The fear of God can deliver you from the fear of man. And since the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Ps. 111:10), no home can be built successfully without it.

NOTE:  This article is from the book “Family Life and Marriage Bible” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER

  Question #1: How can I best respect my husband?

Answer #1.  When you respect your husband-something that God commands wives to do in Ephesians 5:33-you notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, and esteem him. Respecting him means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you, and considering his values and needs-and our husbands have many needs!

I believe that meeting these needs is what respecting your husband is all about. To bolster Dennis’s confidence, for example, I try to be his number one fan. Every husband wants his wife to be on his team, to coach him when necessary-but most of all, to be his cheerleader. The macho man who is self-contained, independent, and invulnerable is a myth. Your husband needs a wife who is behind him, believing in him, appreciating him, and cheering him on as he goes out into the world every day.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.