LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1.  What danger signs should I look for in relationships with the opposite sex?

Answer #1.  Whenever you develop an in-depth relationship with someone from the opposite sex–at any level– certain forces come into play that can result in a potent chemical reaction that can cause considerable trouble.  Some signs that this reaction is beginning to occur include the following:

* You have a need that you feel your mate isn’t meeting—for attention, approval, affection–and that other person begins meeting your need.

* You find it easier to unwind with someone other than your spouse by dissecting the day’s difficulties over lunch, coffee, or during a ride home.

* You begin to talk about problems you are having with your spouse.

* You rationalize the relationship by saying that surely it must be God’s will to talk so openly and honestly with a fellow Christian.  You become defensive about the relationship and protective of it.

* You look forward to being with this person more than with your own mate.

* You wonder what you’d do if you didn’t have this friend to talk to.

* You hide the relationship from your mate.

If you see any of these warning signs, take action immediately.  Your friendship with this other person must end, even if it means taking drastic measures.  Don’t put your marriage at risk!

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN A WAR?

 Would you like to quench every flaming dart the devil tries to shoot into your marriage? In Ephesians the Apostle Paul assures us that with our shield of faith, we can be supernaturally empowered to defend ourselves. “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”  Eph.6:16 Every fiery dart the devil throws your way can be extinguished by the Holy Spirit.

CASE AND POINT:  During the Iraqi War and the Gulf War of 1991, scud missiles were being thrown at our soldiers and civilians.  The Patriot Missile system was designed to detect, target then hit an incoming missile.  Without the patriot missile, many lives would have been taken.

The “shield” was a large stone used to close an entrance; a door. The shields were the full length of a man about the size of a door. To assure the soldier that fiery darts would not affect them, the shield protected them from head to toe.

This is an example of the Holy Spirit protecting us as we use our “shield of faith.” With God on our side, the enemy cannot penetrate our supernatural shield that is guarding us from head to toe. Faith is an essential protection over your marriage against flaming arrows of temptation.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “It is faith in something that makes life worth living.”

Our marriage is in a war all the time. When a flaming missile is lodged, it burns everything in its vicinity. This is exactly the way the enemy works in our marriage since God’s word warns us that the devil is here to kill, steal and destroy.

You must carry the “shield of faith” in front of you. The battle is not a power struggle, it’s a truth struggle.

Make sure that you are not quenching the Holy Spirit before you try to quench the devils darts. What are the “fiery darts?”  doubts, fears, worries, etc.

Do you care enough for your marriage  to fight for it? Choose between what is true and what is deceit in this world.

Is the devil throwing deceitful lying thoughts? Your marriage is in a war zone! Fight with the shield of Faith!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

BUILDING A PEACEFUL MARRIAGE.

 Many times women will wear “killer shoes” just to look tall and slender or to look cute.

When we are in the middle of problems we will pull anything out of our arsenal bag to bring a peaceful ending.

God has an ANSWER to bring peace to our marriage.

There is an important part of your spiritual armor that is very necessary to have peace in your marriage.

Eph.6:14-15 “Stand therefore, having your…your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.”

Paul was telling the Christians that just like a soldiers feet had to be comfortable and protected to win their approaching battles we need that preparation and equipment to fight for peace in our marriage.

Boots were part of their weaponry.  These boots protected the legs as well as had spikes on the bottom to be used as a WEAPON.

Today’s military boots are adjusted with boot stretchers and cushioned with purchased arch supports.

We will always have to put WORK and preparation into our marriages as times and seasons change our lives.

Preparation means “readiness” and we need to face the enemy with firm footing.

As a spouse and Christian soldier, your equipment is your readiness to be a living testimony of God’s Good News.

During the time of battle you are EXPECTED to do everything to keep the peace in your home.

God ordained marriage but because of our fallen world, we will always have to face concerns, fears or worries.

God tells us NOT to worry or have anxiety.

He wants us to exchange our heaviness for the Lords light burden.

CASE AND POINT:  During WWII, bombs would rain down on London and Coventry.  Coventry was literally flattened by the end of the war.  When we lived in England in the 1980’s I remember that Coventry seemed so much newer than the rest of the Country.  When I was told that it had to be rebuilt after the war, my heart broke for the families that didn’t make it through the war.  When the people of England had defeated hearts as they felt they were loosing.  Winston Churchill would come on the radio.  This mans voice changed discouraged hearts to be a heart filled with courage and peace.  They won the war!!!

This is what the  “gospel of peace” does for you and I in our marriage.

Peace is a state of wellbeing!

 Isn’t it funny how God put “peace” along with these killer weapon’s.

These “feet shod” protect you from the insults and assaults of the devil.

God’s peace will hold you in place when the devil tries to push you around.

Have there been DIFFICULT times in your marriage?

Is the devil trying to shove you around?

Is the enemy BLOCKING your path to a great marriage?

Keep stomping with your boots.

BIND God’s peace into your mind and emotions.

Partner with the Holy Spirit and be confident that God will provide His peace that passes all understanding.

“And the peace of God will, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil.4:7

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

KEEPING HEART FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

 Do you know how to identify parasites in your marriage?

Are you even WATCHING out for parasites?

A parasite is a follower who hangs around a host in hope of gain or advantage.

The Apostle Paul tells us to have on the BREASTPLATE of righteousness for a crucial reason.

“Stand therefore…having on the breastplate of righteousness” Eph.6:14

A breastplate covers the heart and vital organs and keeps them from harm or being destroyed.

In our spiritual ARSENAL, we have the breastplate of righteousness and all we have to do is put it on.

1Thess.5:8 “…having put on a breastplate of faith and love…”

God’s character is the definition and source of all righteousness.

Satan’s attacks come against your marriage with crafty ACCUSATIONS that undermine what God is doing in your marriage.

Remember that you are wearing the breastplate of righteousness when the enemy comes around to destroy.

Righteousness is anything that conforms to a standard and our standard is the WORD of God.

An area the enemy thrusts at marriages is unrighteousness in our finances.

Finances are at the top four reasons that cause the most DIVORCES.

The enemy tries to get you to hide money from your spouse.

He will cause you to have a spending frenzy so you will try to SPEND as much money as you can before your spouse does.

Being righteous in your finances means that you surrender to the Holy Spirit who fills and controls you.

Warfare starts in the battlefield of your MIND.

Be sure that you pay tithes and offerings so that you will not be robbing God and closing the windows of heaven.

Gods Word says that when we give, he opens up HEAVEN to us.

Do you and your spouse argue about money?

Arguing over finances NEVER solves marital problems.

If the finances cannot be resolved, you can either hire a financial advisor or a Christian marital counselor who can teach you some communication skills.

Money is to be a tool to bring us closer to God as we commit our finances to Him.

Are you FULL of parasites?

“My flock has become prey and food for every wild animal.”  How so?  For “they lack a shepherd.” (Eze.34:8)

Are parasites hanging on you trying to take advantage of your situation?

Parasites promise PLEASURE but grow and consume more of your thoughts and time.

Your loyalty to your spouse and your time are stolen away.

Pay attention to your marriage and GUARD it!

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”  Prov.4:23 NIV

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help make your marriage a success.

WHAT NO MARRIAGE SHOULD DO WITHOUT

 What are “cool tools”?

CASE AND POINT:  I was studying while the TV was on.  They had a program called “Cool Tools.”  It captivated me because they were “cool tools.”  I am not a spender nor do I buy things on impulse but I felt like I needed every one of those “cool tools.”  They even had electronic alarms to guard your “cool tools.”  I managed to turn the program off the TV without purchasing any of the tools I was convinced I couldn’t live without.

In God’s word he has “cool tools” also that he says we won’t make it without them.

One of God’s “cool tools” is a tool belt.

When I go get my hair done, I notice that the girl has all her scissors and combs on a tool belt around her waist.

People in construction also wear them so they can have all their tools hanging around their waist and at their DISPOSAL.

Tool belts make the carrier more efficient in time and accuracy because they are not distracted with anything else on their mind.

Paul says that the believers are to be EQUIPPED with a loin belt of truth, referring to God’s word.

“Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth…” Eph.6:14

CASE AND POINT:  A loinbelt was a Roman soldiers most important piece of weaponry.  It held his weapons together such as his sword, arrow pouch, and breastplate.  If it were not for the loin belt, the Roman soldier would have nothing to hang his essential weaponry on.  This gave him the opportunity to move quickly and fight with fury.

In your marriage you need truthfulness.

The Holy Spirit is the one who REVEALS the word of God that is in you and convicts you to be honest and truthful with your spouse.

The word “truth” in the Greek means that which is hidden.

This means openness or nothing hidden.

Test everything you say and do by comparing it to the plumbline of God’s WORD.

As a spouse you must love truth and live truth!

God is truth and he wrote the Bible which is the “owners manual.”

What book are you following for your standard??????

For a child of God, your armor is God’s word –the truth.

If God’s word is operating in your life, the Holy Spirit will quicken the word in you and use it as a sword.

Is God’s word dominating your THINKING for your marriage?

You will come apart at the seams if you don’t daily have His Word at the center of your life.

Do you have a powerful SWORD to fight against the enemy?

Start Loving truth and Living truth today!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

 WHAT WILL PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE?

 Any FOOL can criticize, condemn and complain but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. (by Dale Carnegie)

Understanding is shown by both words and actions.

You may want to be understood but do you understand your SPOUSE.

Understanding is an inclination to support or be loyal to or to agree with an opinion.

Prov.2:11 “Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you.”

The heart of EMPATHY is entering into another’s feelings.

How often do we really do this with our spouse??

There are SOME people in life that are very hard to empathize with.

When people bring things upon themselves, it is hard to have empathy.

Prov.4:7 “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.  Though it cost all you have get understanding.”

Here is a list of ways you can show understanding every day.

• Back off a little if your spouse needs space for a while.
• When your spouse is trying to talk to you, stop what you are doing and pay close attention.
• Stay close by when your spouse is worried or sad.  That may be when they need you the most.
• Look at your spouse in a caring way as he (or she) talks to you.
• Find time to rest together when your spouse is tired.
• Listen to your spouse the way you imagine you want to be  listened to.

• Go out of your way when your spouse needs or wants help.
• Be sure to tell your spouse that you are trying to see things their way.
• When your spouse is happy or loving, spend some time together enjoying the good feelings.
• Listen and show understanding before disagreeing when your spouse is upset.

The Holy Spirit wants to give you understanding for your spouse.

This is VITALLY important for your marriage.

Prov.24:3 “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established.

The word “established” in the Greek means fastened, firm, ready, or set.

If you don’t work towards understanding, you are leaving your marriage without seat belts for safety.

When the enemy comes to destroy your marriage, there will be nothing to hold it TOGETHER.

You can secure it right now.

Don’t keep God and your family waiting.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

HOW DO YOU SPELL IMPORTANT?

What’s the most important to you? You and your mate would greatly benefit from spending some time singling out what you value the most.

     At one season in our marriage, as Barbara and I were prayerfully discussing our individual core values, we made a profound discovery. We had different priorities! One of Barbara’s top 5 values was teaching our children a good work ethic. I didn’t even list that value in my top 10! Nor did she have one of my top 5 core values, teaching our children to develop healthy relationships, down on her sheet.

     Suddenly it became clear why our weekend schedule sometimes felt like a battlefield. Barbara wanted to use our Saturdays to work on the house or in the yard, while I preferred to build memories in a boat on the lake. Neither value was wrong, they were just different.

     Each of us spends our time on the things we feel are most important. Barbara and I ultimately settled on core values for our family that included the Great Commandment, cultivating compassion for others, developing a strong work ethic, healthy relationships, and the Great Commission.

     And because most of us never get around to defining our core values, we end up living scattered and hectic lives, driven by unreal expectations or comparing ourselves with others.

     Know what’s most important to you both, and as a couple establish your own set of your five most important core values.

NOTE:  This article came from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

SATURDAY – QUESTION & ANSWER  

Question #1:  How can I set my wife apart and put her on a pedestal?

Answer #1: It may sound like a cliche, but a wife wants her husband to sweep her off her feet, carry her away to the castle, look deeply into her eyes and say, “Let’s spend some time together.” To a woman, that kind of focused attention is like precious gold.

     One time Barbara and I had a little unresolved argument over a weekend. A couple of days later, we went on our weekly date, a custom for us. On that date we finally had enough time and a suitable environment where we could fully discuss and resolve our differences. We just needed several hours away from phones, papers, and bills, and the needs of our children. And you need it just as much as we do!

     Even when you and your wife have no conflicts or problems to work out, however, your better half craves such focused attention from you. Don’t deprive her! The Song of Songs has taught me a great deal about living joyfully with Barbara, but maybe the most important truth I have found there is that a relationship needs time for romance, for two people to connect deeply, to understand each other, to enjoy each other’s company, and to build mutual trust.

NOTE:  This article  is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 4

Fourteenth Key:  Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel.” 1Tim.2:9.  “She…works with willing hands.”  “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household.”  “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Prov.31:13, 15, 27.  “Be ye clean.” Isa.52:11.  “Let all things be done decently and in order.” 1Cor.14:40.  “If any provide not…for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” 1Tim.5:8.  “Be not slothful.” Heb.6:12.

Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil’s weapons to destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your marriage.  Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are essential for both husband and wife.  The meals should be wholesome, attractive, and served on time.  The home should be clean and orderly, because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all.  A lazy, shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to his family and an insult to God.  Carelessness in some of these seemingly small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.

Fifteenth Key:  Determine to speak softly and kindly.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Prov.15:1  “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest.” Eccl.9:9.  “When I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1Cor.13:11.

Force yourself to speak softly and kindly to your spouse.  Silence, when one is attached, is often the best method to cool wrath.  Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it’s best to relax and let anger cool.  And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly.  Harsh, angry words crush your spouse’s desire to please you.

Sixteenth Key:  Be reasonable in money matters. 

“It (love) is not possessive…Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage.” 1Cor.13:4,5.  “God  loveth a cheerful giver.” 2Cor.9:7

All possessions and income in marriage should be “ours,” not “yours” and “mine.”  Wives who don’t work outside the home should receive a regular amount for groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items.  It should be cheerfully provided instead of grudgingly released under protest.  Wife and husband both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as desired without giving account.  A miserly husband usually angers his wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife stingy.  Showing confidence in your companion’s managing ability will usually make him or her more businesslike.

Seventeenth Key:  Talk things over and counsel together freely.

“It (love) is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance…It is not touchy.” 1Cor.13:4, 5.  “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul.” Prov.15:32.  “Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit?  There is more hope of a fool than of him.” Prov.26:12

Few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on all major decisions.  Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile, a boat, furniture, clothing (Major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of both should be considered.  Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage.  If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband’s decision.  Scripture is clear on this. (See Eph.5:22-24)

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide.

NOTE:  There is a new post daily to help your marriage succeed.

 KEYS TO AVOIDING DIVORCE – Part 3

Tenth Key:  God describes love; make it your daily goal to measure up.

“Love is forbearing and kind.  Love knowns no jealousy.  Love does not brag; is not conceited.  She is not unmannerly, or selfish, nor irritable, nor mindful of wrongs.  She does not rejoice in injustice, but joyfully sides with the truth.  She can overlook faults.  She is full of trust, full of hope, full of endurance.” 1Cor.13:4-7.

Please reread the above scripture passage carefully.  This is God’s true description of love.  How do you measure up?  Love is not a sentimental impulse, but a holy principle that involves every phase and action of life.  With true love, your marriage cannot fail.  Without it, it cannot succeed.

Eleventh Key:  Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love.

“Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Col.3:19.  “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.” Prov.21:19.  “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Prov.27:15.  “Why beholds thou the mote (splinter) that is in thy brother’s eye, but considers not the beam (whole board) that is in thine own eye?” Matt.7:3.  “Love…looks for a way of being constructive.” ICor.13:4.

Stop criticizing, nagging, and fault-finding.  Your husband or wife may lack much, but nagging won’t help.  Don’t expect perfection, or bitterness will result.  Overlook faults, and hunt for the good things.  Don’t try to reform, control, or compel your partner–you will destroy love.  Only God can change people.  A sense of humor, a cheerful heart, kindness, patience, and affection will banish two-thirds of your marriage problems.  Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and the good will take care of itself.  The secret of a successful marriage lies not in having the right partner, but rather in being the right partner.

Twelfth Key:  Do not overdo in anything; be temperate.

“Every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things.” 1Cor.9:25.  “Love…does not pursue selfish advantage.” 1Cor.13:5.  “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” 1Cor.10:31.  I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection.” 1Cor. 9:27.  “If any would not work, neither should he eat.”  2Thes.3:10.  “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.” Heb.13:4.  “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof.  Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin.” Rom.6:12,13

Overdoing will ruin your marriage.  So will undergoing.  Work, love, rest, exercise, play, worship, meals, and social contacts must be carefully balanced in your marriage, or something will snap.  Overwork and the lack of sleep, proper food, or exercise make a person critical, intolerant, and negative.  Constant overeating is a great evil that strengthens the lower nature and dulls the conscience.

Sexual abuses destroy a love for holy things and weaken vitality.  Marriage gives no license to sexual excesses.  Degrading, twisted, or intemperate sex acts destroy love and respect for one another.  A temperate sex life is recommended by the Bible (1Cor.7:3-7).  Social contact with others are absolutely essential.  True happiness cannot be found in isolation.  We must learn to laugh and enjoy wholesome, good times.  To be overly serious is dangerous.  Overdoing or undergoing in anything weakens the mind, body, conscience, and the ability to love and respect one another.  Don’t let intemperance wreck your marriage.

Thirteen Keys:  Respect each other’s personal rights and privacies.

“Love is forbearing…Love knows no jealousy…She is not unmannerly, nor selfish… She does not rejoice in injustice…She is full of trust.” 1Cor.13:4-7.  “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love and respect one another.” Rom.12:10.

Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies without explanation.  The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected.  Your husband and wife even has a right to be wrong part of the time .  Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes.  Only God can make such changes, and we shall all answer personally to Him on this matter (Rom.4:12). Perfect confidence and trust in one another–no checking up on each other–is absolutely essential for happiness.  Spend less time trying to “figure out” your spouse and more time trying to please her or him.  This works wonders.

NOTE:  This article is from Amazing Facts Study Guide

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.