LOVE YOUR SPOUSE

KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE (Part 5) 

One of the main needs in every human beings life is to feel important.

The definition of “importance” means, of great significance or VALUE.

Your spouse needs to feel important!

Earl Wilson said, “If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

The choices you have are that you can either make your spouse feel important or someone else will.

Every human being is important, and God wants them to FEEL important.

Eph.2:10 “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…”

In His word He says that we are made in the image of God.

It doesn’t get anymore important than that.

Satan lied to Eve and the result was that satan hit her with the second spirit which was inferiority.

INFERIORITY means the feeling of being lowered in position or stature, or value.

In chapter one and two of Genesis God said man was made in his image.

Satan was saying to Eve, “Not only is God lying to you, you are not who you think you are.  You are of less value than you think you are.”

The spirit of inferiority told Eve she was inferior.

Don’t you LISTEN when the enemy tells you that you are inferior.

Worse yet, don’t let the enemy tell you that your spouse is inferior.

The moment Eve felt insecure and inferior, she grabbed for something to give her a sense of security and VALUE.

When Eve ate the forbidden fruit, she lost the security (had to leave the garden), and lost value (no longer the image of God).

When your spouse feels insecure and inferior, there will be the same temptation to GRAB for something that will give them the sense of security and value.

Adam and Eve’s child was after their image.

The glory of God was their covering but they lost that when they grabbed a substitute.

The devil will always make your spouse feel insecure and inferior so they will grab for a SUBSTITUTE.

Here are some things you can do to show importance.

First:  Be polite.

Second: Don’t use criticism or condemn.

Third: Show appreciation.

Fourth: Listen to them.

Fifth: Don’t argue

Sixth: Accept them for who they are.

There is nothing that makes you feel more important than to let others know how important THEY are.

Tell your spouse today how important they are and reap the rewards!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

 KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE (Part 4) 

One of the important needs in a human beings life is the need for SECURITY.

Security in a marriage is to have freedom from anxiety and fear.

We feel secure in our spouse when we are GUARANTEED that an obligation will be met.

Insecurity is the opposite because it is being subject to danger or injury.

The devils workplace is to make us feel INSECURE in our spouse.

Let’s see what he did in Genesis 3:1-4.  “Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the fields…Then the serpent said to the woman. “You will not surely die.” 

Eve’s whole security was based on God’s word.

In Gen.3:4 when the devil said that God was lying to her, a demon of insecurity made her feel insecure.

That is the enemy’s specialty to take God’s word and make it out to be a lie.

God’s love in our life provides SAFETY.

In marriage we unload each other’s baggage into each other’s life.

CASE AND POINT:  When you travel, everyone has to go through security.  Obviously, it is because of terrorism.  The tighter the airlines are on security, the better I like it.  Years ago I use to see travel bags completely wrapped up in some sort of cling wrap.  This was to keep airline employees from stealing things out of their bags.  It looked so funny to see suitcases with five layers of cling wrap.  By wrapping their own suitcases, it gave these passengers the security they needed.

Do you consider making your spouse feel secure?

Prov.31:11 “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no NEED of spoil.”

The word “spoil” means in Hebrew PREY.

Prey is a person who is the aim of an attack (especially a victim of ridicule or exploitation) by some hostile person or influence.

The bible says “the devil comes to kill steal and destroy.”

In other words, the devil is willing and waiting for your spouse to listen to his lies that you will never bring security to their life.

Does your spouse feel SAFE with you?

What can you do to help your spouse feel the security that he needs?

Is there something you can do to build his CONFIDENCE in you?

This is your opportunity to wrap all your spouse’s private information in the protective embrace of your love.

PROMISE to help your spouse with sensitivity and gentleness.

Offer support and listen with love.

Some of your spouse’s SECRETS are part of his history and makeup of who he is.

Your spouse will know that he is in a place of safety.

Do you want your spouse to draw back into himself and be LOST to you?

Make it your life’s work to making him feel secure and loved.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be a success.

 KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE (Part 3)

Your spouse has a deep need within him to CONTRIBUTE.

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to your spouse.

The word “contribution” means the part played by a person in bringing  about a result.

God made everyone of us with a desire to contribute something to society.

From the tiniest thing like picking up something a stranger has dropped and handing it to them.

It makes you feel like you have accomplished something that day.

CASE AND POINT:  My daughter is a real giver of her time.  We were laughing at her and her cousin because they spent a few days laying tile in her cousin’s house.  When she graduated from high school, instead of going to college, she babysat free of charge for a woman so she could go to college.  When I questioned her about this decision, her answer was that the woman had two children and needed a good education for good paying job.  I wanted to pull my hair out when I heard her reasoning.  I wanted my daughter to go to college, not babysit so someone else could go.  God spoke to my heart and told me to not be a hypocrite.  I raised my children to do for others and give of their time, now I am getting ready to open my  “big mouth” and tell her to go to college before she has children.  My daughter has helped about a dozen girls with their wedding plans.  Taking them all over to buy their items and helping the bride’s dreams come true.  She takes care of children and spends her summer at a camp for abused children.  All this she does voluntarily from her heart.

I didn’t say all that to brag about my daughter, but to emphasize that all we do to contribute to someone else’s life, brings fulfillment to ours.

I didn’t say all this to make us FEEL all mushy and warm on the inside.

I said it because I am wondering how you act when you spouse wants to help someone.

Do you act like it is a Federal CRIME and you can’t handle it when your spouse is fulfilling a need for someone else?

This is exactly why God gave us talents and abilities that others don’t have so we can be of assistance to others.

Thereby they BENEFIT and so do we.

Prov.31:20 “She extends her hands to the poor…”

 Rom.15:26 “For it hath pleased them…to make a certain contribution…”

The word “contribution” in the Greek literally means partnership.

When anyone contributes to the success of others there is a partnership that takes place.

It forms a bond and God will always open opportunities for us to ADD to the lives of others.

Gal.6:10 “As we have opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”

This is saying that whenever the Holy Spirit opens up an opportunity for you to help your church or other Christians, it is your first duty.

Learn to stay in your LANE and let your spouse have his space in his lane.

Your spouse is commanded to be a doer of the word, DO NOT stand in his path.

Stay in your lane!

NOTE:  Tomorrow we will discuss another need in your spouse’s life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE  (Part 2) 

GROWTH is another very important human need that is a must for your spouse’s life.

GROWTH is a process of becoming larger or longer or more numerous or more important.

In Genesis, God tells us that he made man in His image but with that he gave man the power to grow, enlarge and become more important.

Gen.1:27-28 “…so God created man in his image…And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply…”

These are powerful words:  Fruitful and Multiply.

The Hebrew word for “fruitful” means to grow, increase, and bring forth.

The Hebrew word for “multiply” means to enlarge, excel, grow up, increase, more and plentiful.

When I first got saved there was a poster that had a cute picture of a little boy and the caption read:” God Don’t Make No Junk.”

That is so true!

We are made in His image and he designed us to not just add to what we are, but to multiply what we are or think we are capable of.

We often learn of great people who have accomplished so much in their lives without arms, legs, sight or sound.

CASE AND POINT:  We have had Dave Roever visit our church a few times.  Every time I see or hear of him, my heart leaps.  This man had most of his face blown off during the Vietnam War during the sixties.  He had more than just his face blown off, he had vital organs destroyed and no one at the scene even thought he would make it.  God showed them the resurrecting power of the Holy Ghost!  He not only is alive, but he is a General in the army of the Lord.  Dave is one of the most beautiful loving men that our fellowship has ever met.  He devotes every minute of his life to the furtherance of the Gospel.  I must add, and is married to his sweetheart who waited for his return from Vietnam and is still nurturing him through his healing process.  What a precious, precious woman!!  Glory to God!!!

These are some biblical examples of areas of growth for us to pattern our lives after.

Prov.31:12 “She does him good and not evil ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.”

 Prov.31:15  “She also RISES WHILE IT IS YET NIGHT…”

 Prov.31:17  “She GIRDS HERSELF WITH STRENGTH, And STRENGTHENS HER ARMS.”

 Prov.31:26  “She OPENS HER MOUTH WITH WISDOM, And on HER TONGUE is the law of KINDNESS.”

Remember that the enemy of your marriage is terrified of you!!

You and your spouse have the power of the Holy Spirit to create, be fruitful and to multiply!!

NOTE:  Don’t miss tomorrows post which is a continuation and will help make your marriage a success.

WHERE DO YOU TURN IN TIMES OF TROUBLE?

AS SECULARISM AND HUMANISM continue to gain traction in our culture, we are increasingly bombarded with messages of positive thinking, of our ability to “do” and “accomplish,” and with our ability to solve all our problems.  Just think positively, the message goes,  and have faith in yourself!

While we have written about the importance of building good self-esteem, we understand that good self-esteem, doesn’t mean putting  our faith in our own abilities rather than God.  Jeremiah warned Israel against just that kind of self-sufficiency, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Cursed is the man who trust in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord'”  (Jer.17:5).  Contrast that warning with the promise two verses later which reads, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord.”

This is an amazing warning/promise combination.  It tells us that during the troubled times in our marriages and in our homes–and they will come!–we had better make sure we’re not relying on our own talents and abilities.  Instead, we need to consciously put our trust and our confidence completely in the God who created marriages and families in the first place.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

COMMITMENT AS THE YEARS GO BY

I have never hesitated to tell Barbara I love her.  But I remember one time when I felt especially surprised by her reply.

We had been married a number of years, and perhaps on that day she wanted actions to back up my words.  “Well, I know you love me.”  she said.  “But you’re supposed to.  You’re my husband.”

When she saw how her words puzzled me, she then explained that many things test commitment in marriage—and perhaps nothing tests it more than the passage of years.  “When you first marry,” Barbara concluded, “you declare your commitment and trust to a person you hardly know.”

Isn’t that amazing?  You think you know all about your life partner—but in reality, you probably see just the tip of the iceberg.

No matter what struggles you work through, no matter how many heated discussions you have until 2 A.M., each of you should know, without a shadow of doubt, no escape clause exists in your marriage vows.  In the end, your commitment needs to rest on just one thing: Your faith in the God who brought you together.  That bedrock should be like a granite foundation, rock solid and immovable.

NOTE:  This article is from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 KEEPING MISERY OUT OF MARRIAGE (Part 1) 

There are six important human needs that every spouse can’t do without.

First, the need to be FLEXIBLE.

The definition for “flexible” is the ability to adjust readily to different conditions.

In marriage, not only should we allow our partner to be flexible, we also need to be flexible.

So often I will be talking to someone that is married whose ideas are very RIGID.

This is a person whose incapable of adapting or changing to meet circumstances.

Let me be blunt!!!  A person like that should not be married.

You are about to make your spouse miserable!!

With a capital “M”!

A person like that usually will marry someone that will spend the rest of their life catering to them and them only.

There are people like that around but they are FEW.

Marriage should be a union where each spouse knows their place and giftedness and puts their talent and ability into use.

As they yield themselves to flexibility, they learn and find new OPPORTUNITIES to explore.

CASE AND POINT:  When we lived in England in the 1980’s, our church was in a town called “Eccles.”  There were people coming to our church, that had never been out of Eccles.  They had no need to leave and were very comfortable with their surroundings.  The problem was that you could drive five minutes in any direction and you would be out of Eccles. It is extremely small.

In Proverbs there are some descriptive words we need to explore.

Prov.31:19-20 “She stretches out her hands to the distaff (the staff on which wool  or flax is wound before spinning), and her hand holds the spindle (a stick used to twist the yarn in spinning).  She extends her hand to the poor,  Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

It is not a coincidence that the words STRETCH, EXTEND and REACH are used.

Matt.5:41 “And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.”

 Jesus was not feeling sorry for anyone in this verse.

He wasn’t saying, “Oh, you poor thing!”

Jesus was saying the opposite, “Go the extra mile!”

 You need to go the other mile for your spouse.

Get out of Eccles!!!  Get out of your comfort zone!

Let your spouse get a new job, a new hobby, a new car, a new house, a new toy.

Next time you gain a few pounds and try to get into your old jeans, lets see how comfortable you are.

Those jeans start cutting into your skin and you end up with red sores at the seams.

Ask me how I know?  Lol!!

That is the same misery your spouse goes through when he has to play “Mother may I” and mom doesn’t play fair.

Remember your spouse married someone he could spend the rest of his life having FUN with.

In Malachi 2, it says that the wife is her husband’s COMPANION.

God designed you to be fun and flexible.

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET??

NOTE:  Tomorrow will be the continuation of the other five human needs in our life.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

DON’T SHRED YOUR SPOUSE ON THE INSIDE  

Why would you want to take up sword fighting with your spouse?

We don’t want to sword fight against our spouse, we want to sword fight with them on the same team.

The Apostle Paul tells us that we have a weapon that can devastate satans strategies against your marriage.

Eph.6:17 “And take…the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God.”

In the Greek, this word “sword” is MACHAIRA.

This word “machaira” is important because it was a special kind of sword.

There are a variety of swords used by the Roman soldiers.

The “machaira” was able to painfully shred the insides of it’s victim because it was used like a corkscrew.

It was a razor-sharp deadly and frightful weapon.

Just like this particular sword brought terror to the imagination of the enemy, the “sword of the spirit” torments the devil.

When the enemy starts to intervene in your marriage, get quiet in your heart and listen to the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit will give you a Rhema (word) to speak at the devil.

This is close combat and a time to use your sword.

You use it like a corkscrew; Insert, Twist and do Damage!

Gods word stays dormant in your heart till you let it come out of your mouth, then it is a two-edged sword.

There is a difference between “rhema” and “logos.”

“Logos” is the written word of God.

“Rhema” is a quicken specific word from the Spirit.

The Holy Spirit teaches us to use it offensively and defensively.

We should earnestly study and practice sword exercise as Jesus did in his conflict with Satan and with the scribes and the Pharisees.

Sword practice in your marriage is allowing the Holy Spirit to supply, inspire and employ Gods word (machaira).

CASE AND POINT:  Japanese sword training is something of a lifelong journey.  Even the masters consider themselves to be humble students, constantly striving for perfection and always feeling that they can execute a cut cleaner, faster and with more precision.  In traditional Japanese sword training, techniques are often practiced many thousands of times before any degree of proficiency is obtained.

Do you have a good grasp of Gods word and know how to apply it with precision?

God’s word can be an effective weapon when attacks come against your marriage.

Don’t use a plastic toy gun!!!

We need to use specific scriptural truths to counter satanic falsehoods.

Insert, twist and do damage!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.

 IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN A WAR?

 Would you like to quench every flaming dart the devil tries to shoot into your marriage? In Ephesians the Apostle Paul assures us that with our shield of faith, we can be supernaturally empowered to defend ourselves. “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.”  Eph.6:16 Every fiery dart the devil throws your way can be extinguished by the Holy Spirit.

CASE AND POINT:  During the Iraqi War and the Gulf War of 1991, scud missiles were being thrown at our soldiers and civilians.  The Patriot Missile system was designed to detect, target then hit an incoming missile.  Without the patriot missile, many lives would have been taken.

The “shield” was a large stone used to close an entrance; a door. The shields were the full length of a man about the size of a door. To assure the soldier that fiery darts would not affect them, the shield protected them from head to toe.

This is an example of the Holy Spirit protecting us as we use our “shield of faith.” With God on our side, the enemy cannot penetrate our supernatural shield that is guarding us from head to toe. Faith is an essential protection over your marriage against flaming arrows of temptation.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “It is faith in something that makes life worth living.”

Our marriage is in a war all the time. When a flaming missile is lodged, it burns everything in its vicinity. This is exactly the way the enemy works in our marriage since God’s word warns us that the devil is here to kill, steal and destroy.

You must carry the “shield of faith” in front of you. The battle is not a power struggle, it’s a truth struggle.

Make sure that you are not quenching the Holy Spirit before you try to quench the devils darts. What are the “fiery darts?”  doubts, fears, worries, etc.

Do you care enough for your marriage  to fight for it? Choose between what is true and what is deceit in this world.

Is the devil throwing deceitful lying thoughts? Your marriage is in a war zone! Fight with the shield of Faith!!

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage be successful.

KNOWLEDGE BEFORE CONVICTION

NO ONE CAN BUILD a strong marriage without spending time cultivating a relationship with God.  But to develop genuine faith, you need knowledge.  Knowledge comes before conviction, and an accurate knowledge of God comes as we spend time in the scriptures.

How well do you know God?  Did you know that God praises the individual who “understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.  For in these I delight” (Jer.9:24)?  How well do you understand and know God?

Early in my life I went through a period where I thought I had a terminal disease.  I was honestly shocked at how poorly I handled my apparent crisis.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was preoccupied with my condition.  My faith was rocked.

The crisis passed and it was determined that I didn’t have the disease.  The whole event ended up being a wake-up call for me by revealing that I needed to know more about God and understand His love and plan for my life.

That experience showed me that my faith is only as good as it’s object.  It is confidence, a firm conviction that God and His Word are true.

If we are to trust God with our lives, we need to know that our heavenly Father loves us.  How can we trust that which we do not know?  How can we exhibit faith in God if we don’t know Him?

So again, how well do you know God?  How much time have you spent with Him lately?  Pray that God would give you a deeper knowledge of Him and that you and your spouse will grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

NOTE:  This article was taken from the book Family Life and Marriage Bible by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

NOTE:  Daily there is a new post to help your marriage succeed.